((Two of the questions from the last meme involve answers that might be triggering, so I threw them into their own post under a cut.))
1. Has your muse ever struggled to come to terms with something? What was it?
Lord there is plenty I could put here. For now, I’m just going to say: death.
And, yeah, obviously coping with death is hard for everyone, but death is a pretty tricky thing to come to terms with. He seems perfectly at ease with flinging himself into danger that is very likely to kill him should things to awry. But it’s not something he really talks about. With years, he’s settling himself with the idea, but losing people? Losing people has been hard. Harder than he anticipated it’d be. And not just because he feels a modicum at least of responsibility. He’s faced death before younger than anyone should have to and has watched people die before, and it’s not…pleasant. It’s hard to come to grips with it, on both of those ends. On paper, death is just a matter of numbers, exact or estimates from history, in stories.
The example here that inspired me with this answer I’m gonna give is during season 3 when that MACO died in one of the spheres and Malcolm eventually quietly flips out in the shuttlepod, mentioning getting too used to losing people and a 20% acceptable margin of loss. Losing Hayes is also a damn big blow but we’re probably ignoring that for the sake of RP.
I guess the point I’m trying to get to is that he seems like someone, and tries to be someone, who sees mostly the numbers, because as a soldier you’re going to see death and if it hangs you up you aren’t going to be effective anymore, but holding that in really does a number on him. He’s been near death I can’t even begin to number how many times and has lost people he’s known or under his command or worked with plenty of times, some of them rather traumatically. Struggling between stoicism and the emotional need to react really, really sucks. And sometimes he feels really guilty when he doesn’t react or doesn’t let himself. People are fragile; it’s amazing we’re in space at all.
13. What are your muse’s views on suicide?
Cccccccomplicated. And not all of his views are healthy.
Of course he thinks that suicide for its own sake, because of depression or inability to cope or trauma or etc, is a terrible tragedy that should have been avoided with help. He doesn’t think they ‘deserved’ it or anything horrible like that. But it’s not an action he condemns on all occasions.
For example, “Minefield”, aka the one where he pulled his fucking air hose just to force Cap’n Hero to make a decision to benefit the crew. That seemed like a better option at the time than what he was sure would lead to the destruction of the ship. Or if someone, to pull another common trope/plot in storytelling, was suffering from some horrible slow agonizing death and decided to take the short way out. He would understand that. Still tragic, yes, but he would understand.
Suicide for the sake of what he would think of as senseless death = tragic; suicide for a reason = okay. Basically. To put it in an extremely simple way. And there are probably a few reasons for this.
First being the idea of dying a hero’s death or the idea of death with a noble purpose. His great uncle locking himself in the engine room filling with water; Malcolm pulling his air hose so Jon wouldn’t ‘waste’ anymore time on him and get the ship out of danger. In some ways similar, and in others very different. Sacrifice and suicide. Sometimes they look identical to him. So long as the death is for a good cause, then it’s less senseless, perhaps even commendable.
Another reason is clearly that he’s engaged in this type of behaviour before, and he doesn’t want to condemn it lest he admit that there’s some sort of problem. Most of you probably know that while I love the episode in question, one of the things I hate is that it is never, ever, ever mentioned again, even in the span of the rest of the episode, how Malcolm tried to kill himself. In front of his captain. It’s an act of desperation, and, yes, clearly part of it is not seeing a safe way out, needs of the many etc, but just as clearly he’s driven to said desperation out of all of the uncomfortable talk on family, his own failures and his own insecurities.
Boys got issues is what I’m saying, but rather than admit that he has a problem or admit that he needs help, he rearranges the narrative. He’s scared and won’t admit it, hurt and won’t admit it, because of this idea that he has to be perfect and the good little soldier he was always raised to be, the idea that he isn’t allowed to have problems because they fuck everything up, and by god, he is going to do this on his own however way he sees fit.
I feel like I veered off the course a little. I hope I’m making sense? Words are kind of dumb for me tonight. It’s just the idea that he doesn’t want to condemn it entirely because he doesn’t want to condemn something he’s been actively involved in. He’s been there, whether he’s pulling his hose or he’s leaping into danger in a very blatant and unnecessarily precarious fashion, and he’s forced to say he does it for reasons he can’t condemn so he doesn’t have to admit that maybe at some points in his life he could use/could have used some help.
3. Do they prefer to be around people of the same sex/gender or the opposite one? (or they don’t mind/care either way)Don’t care. He’s equally socially awkward around them all!
As for pop culture, he’s…less knowledgeable. Sure, yeah, he tries to keep up with movies and music and books that interest him, which can be hard to do at best out there, but he’s not perusing the gossip mags for juicy details about actors and who’s dating who. He’d rather have straight up news, and that news ought to be important. Makes an effort to at least not look like a fool in what he wears unlike Trip but he’s also much more of a ‘I like this and it looks good on me so there’. He just happens to have a decent eye for looks.
Also don’t ask him about sports okay that doesn’t historically end well.
7. Do they have any creative/artistic talents?If he actually tried, he probably could be a bit of a writer. As it is, not really. He doesn’t think he’s terribly creative in artistic pursuits. Throw together a couple of technical drawings, plot a fight like a ballet? He very much appreciates art, of course. It’s just that he doesn’t see himself as an artist, and his perfectionist nature doesn’t let him want to try something he might fail at.
9. How do they feel about animals? Do they like pets or do they think animals are only there for food, or any other views.He can’t say he’s ever felt particularly strongly about pets until Porthos. Never had one as a kid, never asked for one. Will pet puppydogs and affectionate kittycats if available but doesn’t make a jibbering mess of himself over it. Fish, lizards, birds, tarantulas, whatever bro. And he loves him some meat, so he doesn’t mind eating animals. But lord he will protect that Porthos puppy from all detractors okay. And not just because it’s the captain’s dog.
11. How does your muse pass the time when they have nothing to do? Do they like having free time or do they prefer to keep busy?Keeping busy is the best thing. But when he needs to take some down time to himself, oh man, if he’s not in the gym, he’s reading. Among the few personal possessions he has in his quarters (shh, he’s slowly gathering items over the years), most of them are likely books, and if he’s not going over work on PADDs, then he’s reading even more. He’s a pretentious voracious reader of all kinds of genres. He likes to keep up certain appearances, so unless you’re reading over his shoulder, he’s not likely to tell anyone he particularly loves dumb paperback spy thrillers (*cough*jamesbond*cough*) among his classical titles and sweeping historical fictions. And he probably has soft spots for series like Temeraire and Honor Harrington and the like.
He’ll also gladly get roped into more social activities like basketball with the gang and movie night and he’s not a complete loner loser okay.
15. Is your muse generally a peaceful person or do they get into a lot of arguments/fights?I like to say that if he were to have a motto, it would be ‘speak softly and carry a big phase rifle’. Most of the time, he’s very peaceful. If there’s a fight to be had, he might not throw the first punch (but he damn well will throw the last). He prefers diplomacy to shooting first and asking questions later. If there’s a way to resolve something without a fight, he’s all for it.
That said, he’s also argumentative and bullheaded sometimes and will definitely get into a verbal row if he thinks he’s right. And he won’t hesitate on the trigger/to jump into a firefight if one needs to be had. Boy may like him some explosions, yeah, but he doesn’t have an itchy trigger finger.
17. What is their native language? Can they speak any other languages?English through and through. He’s been picking up words and phrases of other languages from being around other species and plenty from Hoshi, but he hasn’t made it a point to actually sit down and study any. In school, he spent a little time dabbling in French because he thought he could woo da laydies with it. Didn’t stick. Didn’t woo.
19. Where do they think of as “home”?The ship, absolutely. More broadly, Earth. Only very vaguely sometimes his hometown. But mostly Enterprise.
((Damn damn damn. I'd been writing up a basic timeline for Mal to eventually fiddle with/complete and stick into his bio--the one that's full of crack right now, yes--and naturally I lost it, and lazarus has failed me. Ugh, it'll probably be easy enough to whip it up again, but I was being really particular about it.
I also lost bits of fic I was dicking around with, too. /crosses arms and pouts
Ah well...it'll come to me when I next sit down to bang things out, I guess. In the meantime, time for me to finish memes and post moar.))
2. Do they tend to be stubborn and set in their ways, or do they embrace change? Stubborn as hell. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. If it is broke, duct tape it and see how much longer it'll go before it breaks entirely. He's willing to change once he sees the light, but when he thinks he's right, then he becomes an asshat.
4. Can they get to sleep easily or do they have to have complete silence and the lights switched off, or any other sleeping habits?He can’t sleep just anywhere (save for complete physical exhaustion). Darker is better, but he can deal. But quiet, man, it has got to be quiet. He’s not the type to sleep like a rock through anything.
8. Do they appreciate artwork/creative works made by others?Hell yes and he is a big ol’ nerd about it with no apologies. Hell he’s been known to really enjoy unique and stunning architecture, who expected that one? He absolutely respects the creative endeavours of others, society at its best and most imaginative and beautiful.
10. Does your muse have good hygiene or can they sometimes be a bit smelly? AN OFFICER AT HIS BEST IS ALWAYS WELL-GROOMED.
12. Can they swim? How do they feel about swimming? Do they enjoy it, do they want to learn, or does the thought of getting into water horrify them?
14. What kind of toys or games did your muse play with as a child? Turn-based strategy games. Laser tag. He really liked old-fashioned board games (whether it’s chess or battleship or monopoly or whatever) because he really liked fiddling with the pieces; he could be a very tactile child. If it involved running around the outdoors, he was all for it, too.
16. What is their favourite memory? (I don't know why this one always seems hard and I suspect I'll have a different answer every single time I get asked it.)
At least somewhere up there is an Eagle Scout outing. A bunch of his fellow scouts and scout leaders roughing it in the woods for a handful of summer days, building some skills, learning more about nature, playing games and generally being a bunch of boys running around silly. No school, no family, education disguised as fun, and looking back, it's probably the most like a kid he ever remembers being.
18. How do they feel about being far away from their loved ones/friends Sounds like it sucks, bro, but what are ya gonna do about it. He quietly accepts it as not only part of life, but specifically part of the Starfleet life. Now, if he were being far away from the crew, that would probably not go well for the long run.
20. Does your muse have any deep secrets that they would never speak of to anyone?Maybe never isn’t quite the right word, but there are plenty he sure as hell doesn’t plan on talking about.
1. Has your muse ever struggled to come to terms with something? What was it?
2. Do they tend to be stubborn and set in their ways, or do they embrace change?
3. Do they prefer to be around people of the same sex/gender or the opposite one? (or they don’t mind/care either way)
4. Can they get to sleep easily or do they have to have complete silence and the lights switched off, or any other sleeping habits?
5. What is your muse’s feelings about popular movies/fashion/gossip, etc
6. How do they feel about having to do hard physical work?
7. Do they have any creative/artistic talents?
8. Do they appreciate artwork/creative works made by others?
9. How do they feel about animals? Do they like pets or do they think animals are only there for food, or any other views.
10. Does your muse have good hygiene or can they sometimes be a bit smelly?
11. How does your muse pass the time when they have nothing to do? Do they like having free time or do they prefer to keep busy?
12. Can they swim? How do they feel about swimming? Do they enjoy it, do they want to learn, or does the thought of getting into water horrify them?
13. What are your muse’s views on suicide? (Remember to use trigger warnings when posting this one, or remove it from the list if it makes you uncomfortable!)
14. What kind of toys or games did your muse play with as a child?
15. Is your muse generally a peaceful person or do they get into a lot of arguments/fights?
16. What is their favourite memory?
17. What is their native language? Can they speak any other languages?
18. How do they feel about being far away from their loved ones/friends
19. Where do they think of as “home”?
20. Does your muse have any deep secrets that they would never speak of to anyone?
((Okay, delicious catchup time. I've been...a forgetful dork. So! If there are any threads I've left hanging that anyone wants to see finished, drop me a line, and I'll get right on that. <3
[For the record, in my drafts I have: Common Practices and Herb Gardens for Erika, Wedding Planner for ChefSilik, Hostile Intent for T'Pol]
Or if you have anything you want to do shiny and new, also drop me a line! Both is good, too.
Or if there are things plot-wise you think I should know about even if I haven't been participating.
I'll be trying to catch up on general goings-on and maybe posting a few memes to get back into the swing of all things, etc. Also, skype's generally being huffy with me, so if I flicker in and out, that's because technology hates me lately. :P))
((So this is a ficlet thing. Set just prior to Enterprise getting back out on patrol. And based on rp with erikaahernandez. No warnings, just some sads and adorables.))
A calm, casual smile first on pickup. "And here I thought you'd sneak away without saying goodbye." And moment later, the smile drops, concerned frown in its place. "What's wrong? What's happened?"
Malcolm coughs out a laugh at himself. "Nothing--nothing's wrong. I apologize. There's a lot on my mind right now."
That doesn't placate her entirely, but enough to make a mild joke. "I don't think I've seen a case where you haven't had a lot on your mind."
"I did want to say goodbye," Malcolm adds quickly with a meeker but more honest smile. "I'm sorry I didn't get to in person."
Madeline waves a hand aside, shaking her head. "You're busy on the other side of a country and ocean. That I got to see you at all was more than I could have wished for."
Malcolm rears his head back in mock offense. "You make it sound like we never see one another. Next time I'll know to click my heels together and show up more often."
"You know very well what I mean, young man." The smile is returning. A good sign. "Do you have any idea when you'll be back around these parts again?"
"Mm, with any luck, it'll be at the end of the war."
"You had better come home when this is over. Captain Archer can't possibly keep you out there forever. You'll need some good old fashioned Earth supplies eventually."
Another small laugh from Malcolm. "This is true. I suppose I meant to say that it won't last much longer. But one never does know."
"What is it?" she prompts again at the growing seriousness on his face.
"There's...another reason I wanted to call you." For the sake of having something else to focus on, even momentarily, he taps out a few commands on the console. "I'm sending you a message--a letter. I'd prefer you not open it. We chatter enough that I don't need to leave that to you." Her stern expression is a dead ringer for their mother on a bad day, and in a way, it's kind of endearing. But she doesn't interrupt, and for that, he's thankful. "I'd like for you to make sure that Father gets it. I want you to make sure he doesn't immediately delete it. He doesn't have to read it right away, while you're there, but I--I need you to make certain that he doesn't dismiss it. Please."
There is a lengthy silence that stretches between them. On her end, the console gives a delicate beep, and she glances over to make sure she's gotten the transmission. "Shall I tell mother the same?"
"She's allowed to read it. Maybe she'll be able to talk him into doing the same," he adds with a sad twitch of the corner of his mouth, knowing that Mary Reed has never been able to talk her husband into much of anything before, and he doubts that's changed. "In a way, it's for both of them, but..."
She nods at his trailed off sentence, understanding completely. His issues stemmed from their father. Decades now of bad blood. "I had thought you'd stopped trying. You're not very hopeful about a swift end to your war, are you."
Not a question. And he almost hears the accusation in the wording, your war, not ours. But he can understand it. It isn't a judgement, not a verbal laceration as it would be from Stuart. Though her word choice is deliberate, she's also never taken as much care in choosing them as he has.
"You know it won't change anything if you die out there," she continues suddenly, fingers clutching tighter at the fabric around her knees. "If he reads whatever you have to say and you never come home, that isn't going to change anything."
"I have to try. Now is...the best time. A...colleague has taken much more of her time than she should have convincing me of this. It probably won't change anything even if I do come home. And I do plan on coming home," Malcolm insists. "I do. You know I have to plan for the worst, and I can't promise you that I will come home, but I can promise that I will try."
She takes a breath in through the nose, spine straightening, stiffening. "I believe that. Your friend, she must have been very persuasive."
He doesn't slump in his seat, but his shoulders sag noticably. "There's a lot that's been left unsaid, and maybe it's time to rebuild burnt bridges. At least to make the effort."
"I'll make sure he gets it."
He nods. "Give the rest of the family my best. I'll try to get in contact if need be, but hopefully that need won't arise." A brief smile flickers across his face. "And I'll talk to you sooner than that."
Despite her appearance of strength, her voice waivers just barely. "Don't go dying on us just to prove a point, either."
"Maddie--"
"I mean it. I know you're a professional, and I know there are risks, but don't you dare take more risks than you have to just because of him and the things he's said to you. Of you." His sister softens only when he eventually gives a short nod, chastised. "Sorry, that...came on a little strongly."
"There's been a lot of that going around lately."
"Everyone's high strung."
"For good reason." He pauses, giving her a long look. "I'll take care of myself. And everyone on my ship. Like I've been doing the past six years. I'm not about to let these cowardly Romulans change that. I'll be in touch soon."
She nods slowly. "Soon as you can."
"You take care, too."
A small smile. "Don't I always?" The moment lasts, both of them hoping to extend it longer than it ought to. She glances down at her hands, breaking the contact. "I'll let you get back to it, then."
They say their short goodbyes, and the screen goes dark. It's true, everyone is high strung, Malcolm included, and having a second to breathe in the quiet stillness of his darkened flat is helpful, but eventually he gets up and sets about gathering up his packed bags. The last items on his list can be finally checked off; now all that's left is going back to the ship. Back out into the black, and back to the fight.
11. Do they have a preference for what colour they like to wear? Any reason for that preference?
He rather likes neutral colours just for the fact that he doesn't usually care to draw a lot of attention to himself--also, they go with everything. How easy is that? But he's got himself a soft spot for blues. Surprisingly, it has nothing sentimentally sappy to do with the uniforms, or sky blue, or the ocean. It's just a good colour on him and brings out his eyes.
He almost never remembers dreams, but he dreams about Earth fairly often. Usually mundane things or influenced by whatever the latest movie night film was. s2g if Trip picks more classic horror...
4. Has your character ever stolen anything? Would they ever commit theft? What would drive them to do that?
Well, there's all kindsa shit he's done out of necessity on missions, whether for 31 or on the ship. He's never going to be a casual shoplifter or, idk, commit insurance fraud or anything like that--if/when he steals, it's either under direct orders, even if he doesn't like it, or if he absolutely needs to. He'd rather make sure nobody's going to get hurt from it. Like, man, he's not going to steal someone's last drops of water dying in the desert, not with his self-sacrificial nature, but armaments, secret plans, whatever, something to give the 'good guys' an advantage? Sure, why not.
7. Is your character usually honest, or do they ever lie or tell untruths?
Usually painfully honest. Like Jon, he's a terrible liar. Up until the point it matters most. Look, there's no way he could be a great 31 agent without being able to smoothly lie his way around situations. I think he definitely has it in him to be a great liar, but because he's made a point of being honest since, it's only when the lies deeply and truly matter that he pulls that out. Leaves a nasty taste in the mouth. Sometimes he'll white lie about things to spare someone's feelings if he thinks his honest opinion is going to be too harsh, and that's usually pretty easy to tell, too. What a loser.
3. How does your character feel about those who are physically weaker than themselves?
No strong feelings. He’s certainly not the strongest bro around, but he makes up for it in other ways. But he’s more than willing to be a protective mother hen if need be.
6. Does your character like spending time alone or do they crave company?
Alooooooone. With sometimes craving company. No man is an island, etc.
9. Do they like cold temperatures or do they prefer the warmth?
He’s good with either/or. Prefers it chillier than warmer.
12. Are they good at reading and writing or do they struggle with literacy?
Voracious reader. If he tried his hand at creative rather than professional writing, I think he’d surprise himself with how well that might turn out.
15. Any physical ailments?
Aside from his allergies out the ass and motion sickness sensitive gut, he’s pretty much in perfect health.
24. Any prejudices? Why? (Or why not)
Does being prejudiced against the species you're fighting a war against count? Also, not a terribly big fan of Klingons--at least the corrupt, war-mongering warrior caste, but how are you supposed to tell them apart anyway? Pirates and bullies with long grudges is what they are. Hopefully the ones that aren't assholes can see fit to help them with their Romulan problem, but he wouldn't hold his breath.
16. Have they ever done anything they were ashamed of?
Oh, sure, haven’t we all. He’s pretty damn well ashamed of his Section 31 years and his betrayal of his captain’s trust, for example. He’s ashamed of the time he beat up this asshole kid in revenge, for another. Sometimes he’s ashamed of his own reactions or lack of reactions in certain situations, but that’s more to do with being uncomfortable with himself than anything to actually be ashamed of.
Ahahaha, ha, well. He’s such a stupid fucking boy sometimes, let’s be honest. He loves him some lovely lady figures. And the ladies, in turn, seem to love his hot englishness and awkward dorky charm. So yeah, he is a player with adorably fail pickup lines and the ability to be wooed by cheeses and shapeshifting muggers. Boy needs to keep it in his pants mkay.
18. How do they feel about war?
Necessary evil. Yeah, it fucking sucks, and it should never happen, and in a perfect galaxy, it wouldn’t. But it’s going to. And the only thing he can do is hope that it’s quick and doesn’t end in a lot of civilian casualties. (So, y’know, Romulan war is awful as hell on both of those fronts.)
19. How do they feel about being beaten at a competition, coming second place, or being bested by someone else?
Oh my god he is going to be a quiet little bitch about it and work himself way too hard, depending on what it is. I mean, friendly competition, then whatever, who cares, it’s for fun. But then we have unfriendly competition liiiike Hayes, and he haaaaates the idea that someone around him is better at the skills he excels at. These little West Point boys and girls get better scores in the shooting range? He’s going to clock in way too many hours working on that singular skill and be an insufferable fuck about it. It doesn’t mean he’s not willing to learn or take advice from someone else—someone else who doesn’t work alongside him on the ship, that is—but man he can be a sore loser. It stems more from his perfectionism and his crazy sensitive insecurities than being a competitive asshole.
20. Is there anywhere in the world they would like to go some day?
Being in Starfleet and being part of a crew hailed (sometimes) as heroes has given him a lot of opportunities for Earth travel, much less places in the quadrant. Hell, being the son of a navyman’s given him almost just as many. He’s never been to Rome, though! I can imagine that being someplace he’d like to just be a tourist and be a little historical geeky geek to geek out at all the archetecture and art and history and invention and asdf;lj.
21. Is there anything they wish they could say to someone, but can’t?
Pick someone, and this probably applies to them. The woes of a man to which emotional verbal expression does not come naturally. He’s working on that regarding his family. Sometimes he just wishes he could talk to those he cares about most and explain to them just what they mean to him and why.
22. Do they have trouble sleeping, or do they usually get off to sleep pretty easily?
Pretty good sleeper. Wind down with some reading, drop off to bed, sleep through the night, early to rise, like fairly regular clockwork.
((Sorry about the general lack of anything lately. I managed to snag a job this week! And I'm trying to adjust. I'm currently left with a decisive lack of an attention span worth a damn after work, so I'll probably work up to replies on my upcoming days off until said adjustment is made.))
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