⸜̑⸝͂ ⋮ 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑎𝑖𝑛𝓈﹒ ᴍᴅɴɪ﹒ ᴅᴅᴅɴᴇ﹒ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀᴀɢᴇ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ﹒ ᴍᴏᴅᴇʀɴ!ᴀᴇᴍᴏɴᴅ﹒ 𝑛𝑜𝑡𝑒﹒ hi! ֯⸜̑⸝͂ idk if this'll be any good﹒﹒ but pls be aware﹐ this is an extremely dark fic﹐ u have been warned !! & tusm for taking the time to read & letting me share a lil piece of my soul w u all﹐ 𝑥𝑜﹒ 𝑤𝑐﹒ 5﹒8k﹒
꒰ ⸜̑⸝͂ ᴍᴀɢɢᴏᴛ ᴅᴇᴀʀᴇꜱᴛ ⸜̑⸝͂ ꒱
⸌̑⸍͂ ⸜̑⸝͂ ⸌̑⸍͂
the bass from the club downstairs vibrated through the floorboards of the vip lounge; a rhythmic, thumping heartbeat that matched the pulse fluttering in your neck. the air was hazed with grey smoke, smelling of clove, expensive tobacco, and something sweet—like vanilla rotting in the sun.
you sat in the corner booth, your knees pulled up to your chest, trying to make yourself small. at sixteen, you felt like a ghost in a room full of viscous, snarling monsters that were starving for your untainted flesh. you were only here because your brother worked the door, and it was safer here than outside in the rain. then the door opened, and the rest of the room faded away into the background like drifting clouds.
aemond targaryen had walked in.
he didn't just enter a room; he infected it. he was twenty-nine, a relic of a city that chewed people up and spit them back out. he was shirtless under a worn leather jacket that hung open, revealing a canvas of dark ink. black spirals and stark geometric patterns climbed up his throat, curled down his arms, and disappeared into the waistband of his tight black jeans. he was a walking work of art, a fucking masterpiece—beautiful and terrifying—and the most irritating part was the fact that he knew it.
they often called him a man-whore, an entity that transfers from one body to the next, consuming affection and leaving behind heartbroken husks. he was a poet of the obscene, scribbling erotic filth on cocktail napkins before he forgot your name. but tonight, his singular eye—pale lilac and predatory—locked onto you.
he weaved through the crowd effortlessly, ignoring the hands that reached out to grab him, the tits that were thrusted into his face. he was a dragon that had scented blood. he stopped at your booth, towering over you, smelling of cigarette smoke and the musk of sex. "you're too young for the shadows, kid," he rasped, his voice like gravel wrapped in silk.
"i'm waiting for my brother," you lied, your soft-spoken voice trembling. aemond smirked, a crooked thing that showed too many teeth. he pulled out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, tapping one out. he didn't offer you one; he just lit it, the flare of the lighter illuminating the sharp planes of his hardened face, highlighting the scar that was beneath his eyepatch. "sit with me," he commanded, sliding into the booth right next to you.
he didn't ask, he told.
you should have been terrified. you were, in a sense, but there was a pull toward him, a gravity that made it impossible to look away. he was the most alive thing you had ever seen. for four hours, you sat there while he smoked, while he drank amber liquor from a glass without ice, while he scribbled in a battered leather notebook. he didn't touch you, not at first. he just watched you, his gaze heavy-lidded and feverish, stripping away your defenses layer by layer, minute by minute.
he started to talk, and not small talk—no, he talked about death and desire, about the stupidity of the aristocracy, about the way the city lights looked like bruised skin at dawn. he read you lines from his notebook—erotic poetry that made your ears burn, words about fluids and teeth and sin. like a reflection in a mirror, he wrote, i see you clearer when you're terrified.
you were terrified, but you were also deeply fascinated by him. nobody had ever looked at you like you were the only interesting thing in the world. and so it came as no surprise to you that, only a week later, you were in his apartment. it was a mistake; you knew it was a mistake. he had picked you up in his sleek black car while you were walking home from school. you shouldn't have gotten in, but you did.
his place was a disaster zone of art and pure fucking chaos. canvases leaned against the walls, painted in violent slashes of red and black. there were ashtrays overflowing on nearly every surface, and books were stacked in precarious towers. aemond sat on a velvet chaise, watching you walk around the living room. he was shirtless again, his tattoos shifting as he breathed, "come here," he murmured, his voice a soft, hypnotic purr.
"i should g-go home… i-i have homework," you stammered meekly, nervously picking at the hem of your blouse. "fuck homework," he snapped, though not unkindly. "come here." and so—you obeyed. you stood between his spread knees, fidgeting slightly. he reached out, his hands rough and large, gripping your waist. he pulled you closer until your shins brushed against the cushion of the chaise. he looked up at you, and for the first time, you saw something other than hunger in his eye—you saw a terrifying sort of possession.
"do you know why i write, sweetheart?" he asked, his thumb tracing the line of your hip bone through your skirt. "um… because you're… talented?" you squeaked, soft and unsure. he laughed, a dry, cynical sound. "because i'm fucking hollow inside. i'm always trying to find a feeling that sticks, but they never do. the women, the liquor, the drugs… it's all just fucking static, baby. white noise."
he leaned forward, pressing his face against your stomach. he inhaled deeply, like he was trying to breathe you in and keep your scent inside of him forever. "but you," he whispered against your school uniform. "you're not white noise… no," he drawls, pausing for a moment before continuing softly. "you're an ear-piercing scream that drowns everything else out until only silence remains."
"aemond…" you sighed, your hands resting on his broad shoulders, feeling the heat of his skin. "i want to possess you," he whispered suddenly, the words dangerously soft and forbidden. he looked up at you, his gaze intense. but you knew the truth, you knew what he really meant was, i want to possess you… but baby, i think you're the one possessing me. the words hung in the air, unspoken but understood. he had asked you to stay, and so you did.
the weeks with aemond turned into months. you became a fixture in his life, a secret he kept in the shadows. you met him in the back of dingy bars, in the alleyway behind the art gallery, in his apartment at 3 am when the insomnia got too bad. he was obsessed, devoted only to you.
he began writing about you constantly now. the way your heart beats is the only rhythm i care about, he wrote. your skin is a map i want to memorize blind, and, i want to crawl inside you and live in the silence.
it was completely fucked up; you knew it was fucked up. he was twenty-nine, a man grown. you were sixteen, practically still a baby. he was a man who had sex with strangers in filthy bathroom stalls just to feel something. fortunately, he wasn't sleeping with anyone else anymore. he spent most of his time holed up in his apartment, reading you poetry while he chain-smoked, looking at you like you were some divine deity he wanted to desecrate and worship at the same time.
one night, you were sitting on the floor of his studio, watching him paint. he had a cigarette dangling between his pale lips, ash threatening to fall onto the canvas. the song playing in the background—something haunting and synth-heavy—seemed to vibrate in your teeth. he stopped, turning to look at you, his remaining eye bloodshot, and his hands were stained with acrylics. "take off your sweater," he murmured casually, almost lazily.
"aem—" you started to protest, feeing shy. "please, sweetheart. i just… i need to see the canvas. i need to paint you, baby. not like the others… just you and your innocence." it was the vulnerability in his voice that undid you. this terrifying, inked monster of a man looked at you like a drowning man looking at a lifeline. sighing quietly, you pulled your soft, fuzzy pink sweater over your head. you were wearing a simple cotton bra—nothing special, nothing remarkable or sexy—but aemond thought you looked deliciously precious, angelic.
aemond immediately dropped to his knees in front of you. he didn't touch your breasts; instead, he pressed his face to your chest, right over your racing heart. he was shaking, holding onto his restraint with desperation laced with despair. slowly, carefully, he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you tight against him, burying his face in your flushed skin. "can you hear it?" he whispered, his voice cracking painfully. "the static… it's all gone. when i touch you… it's quiet, baby. it's finally quiet."
you wrapped your arms around his neck, burying your fingers in his long, unkempt silver hair. you felt the wetness of his tears—you didn't know aemond targaryen could cry—soaking into your bra. "i'm here, aem," you cooed, trying to soothe his damaged soul. he pulled away slightly, looking up at you, his face anguished and achingly beautiful. "your mother would kill me," he choked out. "your brother, the cops… they would all kill me."
"i know," you whispered, feeling your chest tightening at his honest distress. "but i don't care, i don't care about any of it, baby." he gripped your shoulders, his fingers digging in. "i want to be the fucking air in your lungs… i want to be the blood in your veins," he confessed, his voice full of crazed passion. "i want to ruin you for anyone else; i want to be the haunting that follows you until the day you die."
if you let me in, i will never let you go. the words from another poem he wrote about you, the sentiment of the night. he was offering you a deal with the devil—and the devil was in love with you. he was offering you eternal devotion wrapped in a package of felony charges and moral bankruptcy. he was offering to possess you, body and soul.
you looked at him, at the tattoos that covered his chest—fire breathing dragons, skulls, naked women—and you didn't see a predator. you saw a man who was finally feeling something real and was terrified it would slip away. with a soft, shaky exhale, you leaned down and kissed him. it wasn't a chaste peck, you could taste the nicotine and the whiskey and the salt of his tears. you kissed him with all the confusion and intensity of your sixteen years, letting him consume you.
aemond groaned, a low, deep sound of pure surrender. he pulled you down onto the floor with him, covering your body with his. he didn't try to take your clothes off. he just held you, his face buried in your neck, his breathing evening out, the obsession finally quieting down into a warm, steady hum. you lay there on the hardwood floor, surrounded by the smell of paint and smoke.
you knew you were ruined, completely possessed by him, and as his arms tightened around you, claiming you as his own, you realized you didn't want to be saved. you just wanted to be the ghost that haunted aemond targaryen forever.
however, the quiet didn't last very long. the quiet was just the eye of the storm, the breath before the plunge. aemond pulled away from your lips, but he didn't go far. his forehead rested against yours, his breathing ragged and shallow. the scent of him—sage, stale smoke, and the metallic tang of heroin withdrawal—was suffocating. he looked at you with that singular, pale lilac eye of his, and the vulnerability that was there before gone, burned away by a feverish intensity that made your skin prickle with fear and desire.
"you taste like candy," he whispered hotly, his voice scraping against your ear. "pure and processed… it's fucking disgusting." he didn't say it as an insult; he said it like he was starving. "stay still for me, baby," he growled, annoyed by your constant squirming. he reached into the pocket of his discarded jeans and pulled out a switchblade. the snick of the blade opening sounded loud in the silent room. you flinched, your breath hitching in your throat. he laughed, a low, mean sound, enjoying your fear.
"shhh," he soothed, cooing softly, bringing the flat of the cold steel against your cheek. "i'm not going to cut you, not yet… i just need to get this off you, sweetheart." he slid the blade under the strap of your bra, and with a sharp flick of his wrist, the fabric snapped. the lace fell away, exposing you to the cold air and his burning gaze. you gasped, crossing your arms over your chest, instinctively trying to hide.
he grabbed your wrists, his grip bruising, and yanked them apart. "don't hide from me," he barked. "i painted you, so i own this canvas. now, be a good girl and open up for daddy." he didn't wait for you to comply; he pushed your legs apart with his knees, settling heavily between your thighs. the denim of his dark jeans was rough against your skin. you were trapped beneath the weight of him, a fly caught in a spider's web made of ink and bad decisions.
he tipped his head back, exposing the long line of his throat, then opened his mouth and let a long string of saliva fall from his lips. it landed hot and wet on your chest, right between your heaving breasts. you recoiled, a cry of shock and disgust escaping your throat, but he just watched it slide down your skin, mesmerized. "look at that," he breathed, his pupil completely blown with obsessive desire. "marking my territory, like a dog pissing against a tree."
he leaned down and pressed his face into the mess he'd made, rubbing his freshly growing stubble against the sensitive skin of your sternum. it hurt—a friction burn in the making—but the pain was sharp and grounding. he was claiming you, stamping his filth onto your innocence. "aemond, stop," you mewled, unable to reconcile the tenderness from moments ago with this sudden, degrading aggression.
"stop?" he chuckled, the sound vibrating through your chest. "you think i know how to stop? i'm a fucking junkie, baby—and you're the only drug that's ever worked." he sat up suddenly, stripping off his jacket and throwing it across the room. his tattoos writhed in the low light—snakes eating their tails, skulls grinning in the dark. he looked down at you, his expression unreadable, except for the hunger.
"touch me," he demanded. "touch the parts that hurt." he took your small, trembling hand and guided it to the grooves of his abs, then lower, to the waistband of his jeans. you could feel the heat radiating from him, the tension coiled in his muscles like a viper ready to strike. you hesitated; this was the point of no return, the line drawn in the sand, and he was dragging you over it—bleeding, without mercy.
"don't think," he coaxed, reading your hesitation. "just let me in." he forced your hand under the denim, wrapping your fingers around his hardness. he was hot, heavy, and leaking. you squeezed him experimentally, and he hissed, his head falling forward, his forehead hitting your bare shoulder. "fuuuck yes," he groaned. "that's it… you feel that, baby? that's what you do to me. that's what you've done to me since the moment i saw you sitting in that booth, all vulnerable and pretty, looking like a fucking porcelain doll—lost and alone, just begging to be taken."
he began to move your hand, forcing you to stroke his length. his rhythm was desperate, punishing. he was fucking your fist, using you to get off, his hips snapping forward with abandon. "i want to ruin you," he panted into your neck, his teeth scraping the soft, unblemished skin. "i want to be the first man to break you open; i want to be the only thing left when the dust settles." he grabbed your face with his free hand, forcing you to look at him. his eye was wild, blown wide with lust and something terrifying like devotion.
"kiss me," he demanded. "kiss me like you mean it, like you want to be consumed." you leaned up and pressed your lips to his. it wasn't a kiss; it was a collision. he devoured your mouth, his tongue invading, tasting of smoke and desperation. you felt dirty, used, and undeniably alive. you were sixteen, lying on the floor of a crack-den-chic apartment, making out with a twenty-nine year old criminal who wrote poetry about your demise.
and you loved it.
he broke the kiss, gasping for air. "turn over," he growled. "aemond, i-i don't—" you whined. "turn over," he insisted, his voice leaving no room for argument. with shaking hands, you rolled onto your stomach. you felt exposed, vulnerable, your face pressed against the hardwood floor. you could smell the paint thinner, the dust, the distinct musk of him. you heard the sound of his belt buckle clanking, the rasp of a zipper. then, his hands were on your hips, yanking you up onto your knees. your skirt was flipped up, exposing the simple cotton of your underwear.
"look at this," he hummed, almost to himself. "so innocent… it's practically begging to be torn apart." he hooked his long, nimble fingers into the waistband and pulled. the fabric tore with a loud, sharp riiip, leaving you bare and vulnerable to his heated gaze. "i want to see what's mine," he panted. then, his mouth was on you. you squealed, your fingers clawing at the floorboards as your back arched like a cat. he didn't ease into it; he devoured you like he was starving, his tongue flat and broad, dragging through your folds in rough, wet strokes over your most sensitive parts. he was messy with it, loud, and unashamed.
the sounds were lewd—slurping, sucking, grunting. it felt like too much; the rough stubble on his chin rubbing against your thighs, the hot invasion of his tongue, the sheer depravity of the position. you tried to crawl away, the stimulation overwhelming, but he grabbed your thighs in a vice grip, holding you in place, claiming you as his own. "don't you dare run from this," he warned, his voice muffled against your hot, dripping flesh. "take it, take all of it."
he pushed his face deeper, his nose bumping against your entrance. he was breathing you in, groaning like a man possessed. you felt the knot in your stomach tightening, a coil of heat that was terrifying in its intensity. "aemond," you moaned, the sound broken and weak. "it's t-too much..." you whimpered, shivering. "no, it's not," he argued, pulling away for a second to catch his breath, his chin glistening with your wetness. "it's never enough, baby. i could fucking drown in your pussy and still want more."
eagerly, he dove back in, adding two long, nimble fingers alongside his tongue, stretching you wide open. you cried out, your back arching beautifully. the burn was a sharp sting, but beneath it was a dark, blooming pleasure that made your little toes curl. "i'm gonna fill you up," he mumbled breathily, his fingers pumping in and out, scissoring you open. "i'm gonna fill you up so full of me that you'll never be able to wash it out. you'll be walking around school, sitting in class, feeling me dripping out of you, reminding you who you belong to."
the image he painted was vile, terribly illicit. it was the ultimate corruption of your youth. and as you felt the pressure building, the white-hot heat rushing to the surface, you knew he was right. you were already ruined. he curled his fingers, finding a spot that made you see stars. you shattered, your body convulsing, a high-pitched, girlish scream tearing from your throat. you came so fucking hard, your walls clamping down on his greedy fingers, gushing into his mouth, sobbing and wailing like a newborn babe.
aemond growled, lapping up your sweet release like it was nectar from the gods. he didn't stop until you were a sobbing, boneless mess on the floor, completely at his mercy. he kissed the back of your quivering thigh, a gentle, possessive gesture. "good girl," he cooed, his voice low and raspy, soothing to your ears. he crawled up your body, covering you with his own. he didn't enter you—not yet—but he pressed his hard length against your asscheeks, letting you feel how close he was to the edge. "now," he breathed in your ear, his voice a dark promise. "we begin the real haunting."
you shivered, the cold air conditioning raising gooseflesh on your skin. you lay there pinned beneath him, smelling of sex and sweat and him. you were a sixteen year old girl, just ravaged by a man nearly twice your age on the floor of his studio apartment. and as he nuzzled into your hair, inhaling your sweet, addictive vanilla scent like it was the only thing keeping him alive, you realized the most terrifying part of it all. you didn't want to leave; you wanted to be haunted, you wanted to be possessed, you wanted to be aemond targaryen's forever.
time seemed to slow down, leaving you in a blissful daze. the room spun, a slow, lazy vortex of regret and craving. you were floating, untethered, staring up at the water-stained ceiling of his bedroom. aemond had carried you there. he hadn't just ate you out and left you on the floor; he had gathered you up, your limbs limp and useless, and cradled you against his chest like you were something precious, like an injured baby lamb that only he could fix. now he was smoking; the cherry of the cigarette flared in the dark, illuminating the sharp angles of his face. he was sitting on the edge of the bed, shirtless, and his tattoos—a history of violence and bad decisions—were on full display.
you watched the smoke curl up from his lips, a grey ghost disappearing into the dark. "don't look at me like that," he murmured, his voice rough. "like what?" you asked. "like i'm some hero," he scoffed, tapping ash onto the floor with a careless flick of his wrist. "i'm a villain, baby. i'm the monster in the story they tell to keep little girls like you inside at night." he turned to look at you then, and the contempt was gone, replaced by that devastating, terrifying intensity. he reached out, his hand hovering over your cheek, trembling slightly. "you're trembling," he whispered.
"i'm cold." you mumbled, your voice small and quiet. aemond reached over to crush his cigarette out in the overflowing ashtray. he moved then, sliding under the covers with you, pulling you into his warmth. he was like a furnace, burning with a feverish intensity that scared you as much as it thrilled you. you rested your head on his chest, listening to his heart beating—thump-thump, thump-thump—a steady, living drum. it was the most intimate sound you had ever heard. "you're so young," he said suddenly, his fingers tangling in your hair. "you still have baby fat; your skin is so soft it hurts to touch."
he sounded pained. he sounded like a man realizing he was holding a chick that had fallen from the nest, and he was the wolf waiting to eat it. "i'm not a child," you protested, your voice weak. "you are," he insisted, his grip on you tightening. "you're sixteen, sweetheart. you should be worrying about algebra and boys who don't know what a fucking clit is. instead, you're here with me. i've ruined you."
"i'm not ruined," you lied, pouting. he didn't respond; he just continued to hold you, his breathing ragged. you could feel the tension in his muscles, the way he was holding himself back. "why do you even want me?" you asked, the question escaping before you could stop it. aemond let out a shaky breath that sounded like a sob. he rolled onto his side, forcing you to look at him. in the dark, his eye was a pool of liquid silver. "because you're the only thing that's real," he whispered. "i move through life like it's a dream. i fuck, i drink, i write, and none of it matters. it's all static. but you? when i look at you, the static stops, and the noise fades away into nothing."
he traced the line of your jaw with his thumb, his touch reverent. "i look at you and i feel... sane. for the first time in my life, i feel sane. and that scares the shit out of me." he leaned in and kissed you, soft and slow. it was a kiss that tasted of nicotine and desperation; he poured his soul into it, trying to merge with you, trying to crawl inside your skin and live there. "you're my salvation," he whispered against your lips. "and my damnation." he rolled on top of you then, settling between your legs. he wasn't rushing this time. he wasn't the animal from the living room. he was a man in love, or the closest approximation of it that a creature like him could manage.
"you're mine," he declared, his gaze locking onto yours. "say it."
"i'm yours," you mewled, feeling a heat pooling low in your belly once again.
"again."
"i'm yours, aemond… all yours, only yours."
he groaned, burying his face in your neck. his hips rolled against yours, the friction sending sparks of pleasure through your oversensitized body. he was hard again, a demand against your belly. "i want to be inside you," he begged, his lips scraping against your ear. "i want to fill you up until you can't think of anything else. i want to be the blood in your veins. i need to possess you, body and soul. do you understand? i can't just love you, i have to consume you." the words were terrifying, but they settled into your chest like a heavy stone. you understood. you felt it too, the pull, the gravity. you wanted to be consumed; you wanted to give him everything, even if it hurt. "yes," you whined. "p-please..."
he kissed you again, harder this time, his tongue sweeping into your mouth, claiming you. one of his hands slid down between your bodies, finding you wet and ready for him. "that's my girl," he praised with a soft hum of greediness, his fingers teasing your raw, drooling entrance. "always so ready for me… so eager to be ruined." he smirked, lining himself up, the blunt head of his cock nudging against your fluttering opening. he hesitated for a split second, his eye searching yours, looking for any sign of doubt, but there was none. you were his, completely and utterly.
"look at me," he commanded. "don't turn away, i want to see your eyes when i take you." he began to push in, the stretch overwhelming, sharp enough to steal your breath. he was just so big, and you were so small, and there was pain, a sharp, stinging burn as your wet, bloodied walls tried to accommodate him. "there we go, baby… biiig stretch." but as he sank deeper, burying himself to the hilt, the pain transmuted into something else—a feeling of fullness, of being complete. you were finally whole, but only because he was inside you. aemond let out a short, shaky breath, his forehead resting against yours. "f-fuck," he choked out. "you feel like heaven, baby… you feel like… like coming home."
he began to move then, slow and deep. he wasn't just fucking you; he was worshipping at the altar of your body. he watched your face with a single-minded intensity, cataloging every gasp, every flutter of your lashes. "you're so beautiful," he praised, his voice thick with emotion. "my beautiful, tragic girl—my magdalene." he angled his hips, hitting a spot deep inside of you that made you see stars. you cried out, your nails digging into the ink of his broad shoulders. "shh… i've got you," he soothed, his pace increasing slightly. "i've got you, i've got you… daddy's got you."
"i love you," he said suddenly, the words raw and unguarded. "i think i loved you since the first moment i saw you, before i even spoke to you. i saw you sitting there in that booth, all pretty and lonely, and i thought, 'that one, that's the one i'm going to die for'." the confession hung in the air, heavy and binding. you wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him in deeper, receiving his love in the only language he spoke—violence and devotion. "i-i love you, too," you gasped, the rhythm of his hips driving the words out of you.
he let out a sound that was half-sob, half-growl. he captured your lips in a messy, searing kiss, his tongue mimicking the rhythm of his cock. he was close, you could feel it. his movements became erratic, his breathing ragged. "come with me," he pleaded, his brow furrowed in concentration. "let me feel it, baby." you reached between your bodies, your inexperienced fingers finding your clit. you rubbed yourself in time with his frantic thrusts, the friction building the knot in your stomach tighter and tighter. with a high-pitched wail of "daddy," you tumbled over the edge. your walls clenched down on him, rippling around his thick length, greedy and desperate to keep him inside.
aemond choked out a curse, his body going rigid. he buried himself deep, flooding your womb with his seed. you could feel it, painting your insides, marking you from the inside out. he collapsed on top of you, his weight crushing you into the mattress. you lay there, your limbs tangled together, sweat cooling on your heated skin, his seed leaking out of you obscenely. he didn't pull out, he stayed inside you, keeping you plugged up faithfully. he buried his face in your neck, his breathing slowly evening out. "if you ever leave me," he whispered, his voice muffled against your damp skin, "i'll find you. i don't care where you go, i don't care if it takes ten years. i will find you."
the possessiveness in his tone should have scared you—it did scare you; but as you lay there in the dark, listening to the beat of his heart, you realized there was nowhere else you wanted to go. you were his; he had carved his name into your soul with his cock and his poetry, without mercy. and as sleep began to claim you, the last thing you felt was his lips pressing gently against your temple, a brand of ownership that no one else could ever touch or take away.
⏾
a week later, you find the black leather notebook tucked between the mattress and the wall, its corners dog-eared and stained with rings from glasses of cheap whiskey. the pages are thick, vellum, and the ink is jagged—scrawled in a haste that suggests if he didn't get the words out fast enough, they would eat him alive. it smells like him; cloves, old paper, and the faint, coppery tang that always lingers on his hands. this is his bible, this is where he dissected you, line by jagged line, before he ever touched you.
ɪ. ᴀʟᴛᴀʀ ʙᴏʏ. she tastes like bubblegum sin, a rotten peach on the verge of collapse. sixteen years of sunday school and she's on her knees for me. not for god. for the ghost. i want to peel back the skin of her ribcage and curl up inside the warm, wet drum of her heart. she asks me if i love her. i tell her i want to eat her alive. same thing, really.
ɪɪ. ꜱᴛᴀᴛɪᴄ. the city is a dead channel, white noise in my veins. i put my dick in them to feel something, i put needles in my arm to forget, but it's all just fuzz. just grey snow. until her. she is the technicolour scream in a silent film. her heartbeat is the new rhythm. i want to mainline her fear, shoot up the trembling of her hands. she's the only fix that works. she's the only thing that makes the quiet stop.
ɪɪɪ. ᴜɴᴅʀᴇꜱꜱᴇᴅ. her underwear is cotton. white. it's a fucking joke. a veil for a sanctity i tore to shreds three weeks ago in the back of an alleyway behind the cinema. when i peel it down, i don't see a girl. i see a raw, pink universe. i see a place to bury my sins, a warm hole to hide the monster. i'm not a lover. i'm an infection. and she is the host, willing, soft, waiting to be corrupted.
ɪᴠ. ʜᴀᴜɴᴛɪɴɢ. they call it statutory. i call it destiny. let them lock me up. let them put the needle in my arm for stealing a piece of heaven. it won't matter. i've already dissolved. i'm in the water she drinks, i'm in the air she breathes in math class, i'm the ache between her legs when she crosses them tight. you don't go to jail for haunting a house. you just rattle the chains and wait for the lights to go out.
ᴠ. ᴄᴀɴᴅʏ. (ᴠᴏᴍɪᴛ) her mouth is full of sugar and lies. she kisses me like she thinks i'm a prince. i am the wolf. i am the big bad wolf and i chewed the grandmother's bones before i even climbed the ladder. i spit in her mouth and call it love. i mark her neck with purple galaxies and call it art. everything i touch turns to ash, but she just smiles and asks for more. she loves the rot. she loves the way the maggots wriggle. my girl. my sweet, rotten girl.
ᴠɪ. ᴘᴏꜱꜱᴇꜱꜱɪᴏɴ. she lets me inside. the heat is blinding. it's not sex. it's absorption. i'm trying to fuse our skeletons together. i'm trying to weld my atoms to hers. if i push deep enough, maybe i'll touch her soul. maybe i'll find out why she's so empty, why she loves a man who is nothing but scars and cigarettes. i fill her up. i want it to leak out of her ears. i want her to taste me in the back of her throat forever. subtract to add. skin to skin. sin to sin.
ᴠɪɪ. ᴇᴘɪʟᴏɢᴜᴇ. they will find us eventually. they will pull her out of the rubble scared and shaking and stained. they will wash the filth from her skin and tell her she is clean. but she won't be. she'll look at the moon and think of my hands. she'll look at a knife and think of my mouth. i broke her so well she doesn't know how to be whole without the piece of herself i swallowed.
the book ends on a blank page, save for one small, frantic note written in red ballpoint pen, the ink bleeding through to the other side: if she leaves, i burn. if she stays, we burn. either way, the fire is beautiful.
𝑓𝑖𝑛 ⸜̑⸝͂
݁ ᴀᴇᴍɴᴅ﹒ 𝖾𝗌𝗍﹐ 2⸜̑⸝͂26﹒












