In my youth I was the suborn child.
I would fake feeling sick so I didn’t have to go to church
because it was a life I hadn’t chosen and I didn’t understand
how eating a piece of bread once a week makes you a saved man
than you go home and Ignore all of Gods word
like who cares if I sin Monday-Saturday on Sunday Ill be made new.
I related religion with hypocrisy (If only I Knew)
but I didn’t need Jesus then I didn’t need saving
any troubles I was facing I'd ignore and keep pacing.
it wasn’t until one sad day when I was feeling down
I reached out to my “so called friends” and I got no reply
300 friend on Facebook and nobody to talk to
but I held on to them, collected them as trophies
because the last thing that I wanted was for people to think I was lonely.
I began to secretly start reaching out to God
I wanted a more fulfilling life and figured this was the place to start
but I didn’t want the world to know
I didn’t want to be labeled or judge
because I made the word of people somehow mater more than God's
I used to be the atheist girl and now I was looking for answers to God.
but I’m not a girl no more I’m a mother and a wife.
and i assure you I am more then ready for a new life.
my secret was soon discovered and exposed
I didn’t have time to prepare and I was scared
I felt like I had bee kicked out of the closet and exposed in to the life that I had secretly chosen
but I wasn’t ready yet I didn’t know enough to protect my savior and my fathers name.
and I felt shame because all my life I denied his name I forsake his name and when anything when wrong I blamed his name
because how can God exist when I was going through such pain.
I felt life spiraling before me and I had thought in my head,
thoughts I hadn’t chosen it was like a virus infecting my very soul
I had voices in my head telling me I wasn’t good enough beautiful enough worth enough so why was I lingering on.
but I know now that was the devil feeding my mind his poison
corrupting any hope I had left and making me empty
he wanted me to believe I had no purpose I was just a nuisance a waste of space.
and when I looked in the mirror I couldn’t even see my face I saw the image that he created of me instead.
Then God helped me to begin seeing clearer he took me by the hand and walked me to the mirror
there stood a strong beautiful woman that I hadn’t seen before he let me see my self through his eyes full of love.
and he began to open a door and he told me to trust him and go explore
My life isn’t perfect but the change is amazing and every time I get a blessing it makes me adore him more and praise him.
because God has a purpose for me and he gave me the will to keep fighting he gave me the strength to get back on my frail feet and keep climbing
and I keep climbing till the day we meet half way when my life fills me and fulfills His is plan. Amen!
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