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@lucilahonorata
Day 29: What are your goals for the next 30 days.
To be honest, I'm finding it hard to look forward in the next 30 days. Things have not been A-OK. I guess what I really want to finish within 30 days is the backlogs I have in work. So far, they are getting less and less, but to continue like this will honestly take a toll on me.
If there's just 1 goal, I just want to be okay in the next 30 days, that's all.
"...hanggang sa yung uulamin mo nalang sa tanghali iisipin mo."
Day 28: Post five things that make you laugh-out-loud.
My best friend.
The inside jokes that me and my friends have.
Stupid mistakes my friends do.
Good comedy movies.
A witty joke.
Day 27: Conversely, write about something that's kicking ass right now.
This is hard. Not because nothing is kicking ass right now, but because I'm finding it hard to appreciate what I have in my life right now. So, I'll just answer this as plainly as possible.
I have work.
I still have music.
I have my friends.
I have my family.
I'm alive.
There.
Day 26: Write an area in your life you'd like to improve.
So it's been what, four years after my last entry. I'm not even sure if anyone reads this, but who cares.
I want to be better in work. I'm always slacking off, staring into what I should be finishing for hours and hours. I think I need therapy.
Day 25: Think of any word. Search it on google images. Write something inspired by the 11th image.
My word was solitude. It’s something I’ve been wanting for in a very long time. “Company’s okay solitude is bliss”. It’s a line from a song by Tame Impala. The song describes feelings of being away from people and the feeling of being alone.
Imagine there’s no one stopping you from doing what you want and what makes you happy personally. Just on your own.
january 2020
Day 24: Write about a lesson you’ve learned the hard way.
The value of something after you’ve already lost it.
Losing something in general like money or a phone, a mundane item someone gave to you that reminded them of you. Even people.
Learning the importance of what you’ve lost just after you’ve already lost it. That was always hard. That point wherein you wished you took care of it more when you still had it. When you wish you could just go back to the moments before you lost that thing, so you can change it so it would never have left your side, so you can take care of it better, but that’s life. You win some, you lose some. It just is.
january 2020
Day 23: A letter to someone, anyone.
Dear Self,
Start the year right. Lots of things happened last year, some unexpected things, but don’t be sad nonetheless. Things ended, but be happy because they happened, at least there’s a lot of learning.
You’re doing great man, great things are ahead.
Sincerely, you.
january 2020
Day 22: Put your music on shuffle and post the first ten songs.
1. Yugto - Rico Blanco
2. Solar On The Rise - Tennis
3. Godspeed - Frank Ocean
4. Money Honey - Lady Gaga
5. A Lifeless Ordinary (Need a Little Help) - Motion City Soundtrack
6. Endors Toi - Tame Impala
7. The Devil in My Bloodstream - The Wonder Years
8. Waiting Room - Rex Orange County
9. Huey Newton - St. Vincent
10. Los Angeles - blink-182
A glimpse on what I listen to on a daily basis.
january 2020
Day 21: What three lessons do you want your children to learn from you?
Okay, this is assuming I’d ever have a child in the future.
Never be selfish. There’s no reason to be selfish in this world, you’ll have all the time in the world to have ll the things you’d want in this life. Sharing is caring my little minions.
You will get hurt, but crying will do nothing. You stand up every time you fall down. Of course you can cry, cry while you’re picking yourself up, cry while you’re cleaning yourself up. But never ever just cry, you have to keep going, always.
Some good things will go away, and if we have a chance to hold on to that something good we hold it. We do everything we can. If we know that something will go away, treasure every moment with that good thing. We cherish the remaining time, because most of the time, most good things go away.
Alright, that seems about it. Good luck my future minions.
december 2020
Day 20: Post about three celebrity crushes.
1. Timothee Chalamet
Come on, look at that guy’s chiseled face. It looks like a thousand angels perfected that bone structure of his.
2. Alexandra Daddario
She has these eyes that just, god, I mean, how do these people have these qualities. She has beautiful eyes.
3. Matty Healy
Are musicians celebrities? I don’t care, I’m putting him here. He’s smart, he’s fucking sexy, he’s the vocalist of my favourite band. He’s everything.
december 2020
Day 19: Discuss your first love.
Okay, so my first girlfriend was when I was in high school, 2nd year to be exact. She was my crush even before. On the last week of school in 1st year, I told her she was my crush, from then on we started talking. I liked her cos’ she was pretty and she knew how to play the piano, and she was smart. She was basically your usual high school crush.
So come summer break we talked most of the time, just really getting to know each other. Can’t really remember what we talked about then. I was in another country and she was in the Philippines so messenger was the only way we can talk to each other. Fast forward after two months being away. So I came home, I can now use my phone so we would text each other. So class starts and whatnot and then class ends. It’s night time, we we’re texting each other and then she mentioned that she was being teased by her mother, that she has a boyfriend. I just laughed about it. And then she told me if I want it to be real, then I jokingly said yeah sure why not. And then she said, “Alright, June 15.” We finished the conversation and said goodnight.
The next morning, it hit me, the high of what just happened last night, was she kidding? Did that really happen? I was so... I don’t know, I mean, who’s lucky like that? Your crush asks you if you can be her boyfriend? So went to school, the first thing I asked her when I saw her was if she was kidding about last night, about she said that she is now my girlfriend and I am now her boyfriend. She said yeah, of course. And there was just this brief moment where everything stopped. And then I said “okay, alright.”
When it was time to go home, we were both at the staircase and then I asked her, “since you’re my girlfriend now, should I carry your bag?”. She just laughed about it, but I remember I still carried it all the way down.
The relationship ended after a month because her parents didn’t approve of our relationship, usual high school break-up reason.
Wasn’t able to move on from the relationship with her since I thought she was the one, which affected my relationship with my second girlfriend. It was 7 years before I was able to move on from her. Crazy what love can do to someone, you know. Was able to move on from her because of my last girlfriend, and currently moving on from her too. So that’s my first love.
december 2020
Day 18: Post 30 facts about yourself.
I’ll try to be creative as much as I can with this so here goes.
1. I am in love with flowers, carnations are my favorite.
2. I like HotWheels toys and I love cars.
3. I feel gay most of the time and I’m not afraid to show it.
4. I wear glasses, not because I want to be cool but because my vision started to blur. Also astigmatism.
5. I work in HR.
6. I have 3 Vans shoes and 2 Dr. Marten’s boots.
7. I like girls with hair that suits them.
8. Tangled is my favorite Disney princess movie.
9. So far, I’ve had 3 girlfriends, the first one was not a serious one.
10. October 2019 was the month I cried the most in my entire life.
11. I play music and also love listening to them.
12. I have braces, and hoping to get them removed soon.
13. I have at least 5 black shirts to complete my weekdays.
14. My favourite fruits are grapes and apples.
15. I love strawberry milkshakes and ice cream.
16. I am a The 1975 stan.
17. I know how to drive a car.
18. I am a frustrated architect.
19. The beach is my favourite place to be.
20. I am about 5′10″ tall.
21. I like McDo iced coffee. It’s simple, it gets the job done.
22. The first book I bought was Alain De Botton’s Architecture of Happiness.
23. I do ukay.
24. I like eating, but for some reason it’s hard for me to gain a kilogram.
25. Scrubs is my favourite television series.
26. San Miguel Pale Pilsen if my go to beer, everytime.
27. I have 6 tattoos currently, and yes I would like to add more.
28. I have this weird bone in my forehead that looks like a horn.
29. I had asthma when I was young.
30. I think I’m cute and pretty.
Alright, that’s 30 facts about me!
december 2019
Day 17: Post about your zodiac sign, and whether or not it fits you.
Well, I am a Virgo. So born between August 23 and September 22, so far it’s right. It also says here that Virgo is an earth sign, and it says here that this sign is solid, reliable, practical and stoic. Hmm, yeah I am solid, reliable and practical. Not sure about the stoicism, I mean after what happened to my life these past months I don’t think I really endured those haha.
“Virgos are blessed with a powerful intelligence AND equally cursed with a leaning towards self-criticism and judgment.“
Well I won’t say I’m that I am intelligent but I am smart, and I do agree on the self-criticism and judgmental, and yes it is a curse. I think that’s something I have felt all throughout my life. The self-loathing from mistakes. So far it still fits.
“They are not their own BFF by default, and it can take gentle Virgo a long time to curb this savage inner judge. That said, this perfectionism can drive them to heights of achievement, fame and success which other, more laid-back, star signs can only dream of.“
Ahh, this I can agree is me. I still have this feeling that everything that I do should be perfect in every way. I mean, nothing’s perfect, but I have this trait that things should always go the way it should be, in my mind, and that if one thing does not work, I feel like that the rest won’t work so I end up scrapping the whole thing. Yep, totally me.
Okay, according to cosmopolitan, yes it is my source, I’ll put an APA citation at the end of this don’t you worry. So, according to them, typical Virgo traits are discriminating (judge-y), modest (impostor syndrome), hardest worker in the room (control freak), and helpful (martyr).
Okay yes I am a bit... judgmental most of the time, and not just to myself but also to other people. Modest, yes, and I do feel bad for saying I am humble, is that being humble? Saying that I’m humble? Is that a humble brag? And i think that’s that impostor syndrome talking. Hardest worker, hmmmm, this not really, I don’t see myself a very productive person and a control freak, I’m a bit passive when it comes to most things actually, so this is not me. Helpful yes, I do really like helping people. There’s this feeling of fulfillment when I get to help people, but martyr not really.
“What are Virgos into?“
Googling their symptoms (hypochondria), taking classes, Marie Kondo’ing anything that moves, volunteering, and beautifying themselves.
Googling my symptoms, ehhh not really. I rarely check what’s wrong with me physically, though I do remember having my heart checked cos I felt that is just palpitates randomly, but I never really went back to check if there was realy something wrong with me so there’s that.
Taking classes, yes. I mean I haven’t been attending but I really do love learning. I have been planning to study again and learn another course, Architecture or get a master’s degree or my undergraduate course. So yes, I love taking classes, I’d love to take one.
“Marie Kondo’ing anything that moves”. Okay, no. Like really, I rarely do this. If you see my room it’s just a mess of cables and instruments and amps and stuff. I mean yeah, maybe one day I’ll do that but I’m not the type of person who would do this often. So it’s a no for this one.
Volunteering. Well I haven’t been volunteering much these past few months. So not really something I’m into.
Beautifying themselves. Oh god yes, a big yes. I mean I love just wearing things that make me fashionable, but only when it matters. I mean right now I’m very comfortable wearing this pullover with a checkered polo underneath with denim pants and a Mickey Mouse Vans. I wouldn’t call this fashionable really but I feel that I look good. I think I’d love to have someone that can help me be fashionable. So yeah, I’d love to beautify myself.
Okay, conclusion. I’m a Virgo for somethings only. I wouldn’t call myself a pure Virgo if you ask me. And if you ask me if my zodiac sign fits me, yeah, I guess so to some extent.
And as promised, the reference.
Ward, K. (2019, September 2). Absolutely everything you need to know about Virgo. Retrieved from https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/entertainment/horoscopes-monthly/a28685194/virgo-traits/.
december 2019
Day 16: Something you miss.
Well, I miss being cuddled up in someone’s arms. Feeling the warmth of the other person is something I’d like to feel again.
december 2019
Day 15: Bullet-point your whole day.
• Wake up from 6:50AM alarm with reminder to get your head ready for the next alarm.
• Try to get up from 7:00AM alarm, if alarm does not work, pray that I wake up from 7:20AM alarm.
• Once already woken up, get up and take a bath, maximum time should be 30 mins in the bathroom. Also check if there is a need to shave during bath time.
• Leave house around 8:00am, try and ride a bus going to work, travel time should be around 20-30mins to Ortigas.
• Get off at Ortigas, walking time should be around 5-7mins. Arrival time at the office should be between 8:30AM to 8:50AM.
• Once in the office, check calendar for any visits, tasks to be finished, e-mails to reply to.
• Read reddit posts and social media memes in between working to be not bored.
• Once shift ends at 6:00PM, ride bus at Ortigas.
• Check if you have money to drink tonight, if yes get off at Estrella, if money’s not enough, go home and drink the rest of the bottle of brandy.
• Check if alarm is set-up.
• Try and sleep at between 9:00PM to 10:00PM.
• Get back to first bullet.
december 2019