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Love Begins
Today's Document
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@lucyhundley
Please face me when I speak
Please say to me something before you leave You've been treating me like I'm invisible Now I'm visible to you, oh, invisible truths They say I can't quite understand what you say Understand, understand Understand I'm standing on the oath With my hand on the book Tell the truth, nothing but the whole truth And you always give me half of you, half of you Take half a shot, watching all my heart of gold Make you feel like something from a film, oh
I gave away something I shouldn't have.
A balanced dynamic. The freedom to talk about what really matters. My self-worth. Women so often consent to arrangements that disempower them. And it's hard not to - in the name of intimacy and love. In some secret place we all want someone to fight for us. A partner. But no one will ever fight for you because you want them to. People do what they want to do. To say otherwise is a contortion. You should get what you deserve from a man who claims to love you. Extinguish the torch. Find your own footing.
"Midnight Train to Georgia," Gladys Knight & The Pips (1974)
Watch The Pips kill it with their dance moves...
If rappers had normal jobs 🔥
Trying to find a creative outlet. 👻
Sisyphus
When you can’t find peace in thoughts of the past or the future, it’s important to stay grounded in the present. My comfort is to think about how I will look back on this heartbreak and this time in my life, and act in a way I will be proud of and do things that I can look back on and be happy about.
What that means for now is for me to pull back into myself, acknowledge the sadness; to be as positive as I can, be with my family, turn to friends who can support me; and to really pay attention to myself and be nice to myself. Socializing has been especially difficult and I find myself getting a little freaked out in groups or conversations. So I’m sitting alone in my apartment for the seventh straight weekend - and I won’t put myself down or get on myself about it.
“The Book Report” - James Judd, Snap Judgment, 2015
No love is ever wasted.
What if the outcome isn't what we expect? Was the effort worth it in the first place? And this is where we must remind ourselves of the truth: no love, no effort, no selfless act is ever wasted.
Granted, it may not have the desired outcome, but selfless love, hard work and kindness extended will always make a difference - either in our lives, in the lives of the recipients, or in the lives of those watching. No good thing is wasted.
Knowing that can give us strength to continue on when we feel discouraged.
Being in solitude rather than loneliness is a choice, and we are ultimately in charge of our minds. I believe that the freedom found in solitude will support love, and the more free space I clear in my heart, the more possibility I have for love in my life.
The Joy of Solitude
Adult children of alcoholics
“These adults often have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility. They are concerned about the needs of others to the detriment of their own wants and needs. This is a protective behavior that helps them avoid taking a good look at themselves; this way they don’t have the responsibility to identify and resolve their own personal difficulties.”
Other common characteristics include:
Isolation, fear of people, and fear of authority figures.
Fear of angry people and personal criticism.
Low self-esteem and a tendency to judge themselves harshly - perfectionistic and self-critical.
An overdeveloped sense of responsibility.
Self-centered behavior. An inflated sense of self-worth and self-importance prevents them from seeing their deficiencies and shortcomings.
Passive aggressive. Makes others feel guilty when they attempt to assert themselves.
Copes to inhibit fear by staying deadened and numb.
Strong dependency needs and a fear of abandonment.
Tendency to react to things that happen instead of taking control and not being victim to the behavior of others or situations created by others.
A chameleon. A tendency to be what others want you to be instead of being yourself. A lack of honesty with yourself and others.
Looking at my old away messages from college...
An Interlude
"Come back..." whispers the Heart. "Be still" chants the Mind. "Rise up!" demands the Spirit.
"Tired of Being Alone" - Al Green with Chicago (1973)
The most racking pangs succeeded: a grinding in the bones, deadly nausea, and a horror of the spirit that cannot be exceeded at the hour of birth or death. Then these agonies began swiftly to subside, and I came to myself as if out of a great sickness. There was something strange in my sensations, something indescribably new and, from its very novelty, incredibly sweet. I felt younger, lighter, happier in body; within I was conscious of a heady recklessness, a current of disordered sensual images running like a mill-race in my fancy, a dissolution of the bonds of obligation, an unknown but not an innocent freedom of the soul. I knew myself, at the first breath of this new life, to be more wicked, tenfold more wicked, sold a slave to my original evil; and the thought, in that moment, braced and delighted me like wine. I stretched out my hands, exulting in the freshness of these sensations; and in the act, I was suddenly aware that I had lost in stature
The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Robert Louis Stevenson
When people can walk away from you let them walk.
How do I tell you the rest of the story?
The rest of the story is a pit that sits in the bottom of my stomach every day while I try to get dressed for work, or smile, or interact with people. It is the knowledge that you believe you know someone, and then somehow - suddenly - you don't.
Me trying to get my life under control.
