1. holy shit where did i say that women-aligned non-binary genders are exactly the same as binary women??? i didn’t say that???? i didn’t imply that???? yes thank you i know that being non-binary is not the same as being a binary woman, i am literally non-binary! i am literally one of the people you claim i am erasing. you’re literally accusing me of erasing myself, this is so rude???? you know there are a lot of non-binary lesbians on this site who define their attractions the same way that i do, do you think that they’re erasing themselves as well?
this is so rude honestly. like i;m not quite sure how to put into words how truly, truly fucked this part of your post is. thanks for explaining to me how a basic part of my own identity works, i didn’t know!!! and you know people claiming that women-aligned non-binary genders are exactly the same thing as binary women is actually a huge cause of gender dysphoria for me, i don’t think that, i would NEVER say something like that. honestly the fact you got that out of my post says more about the way YOU think than the way I think tbqh.
and yes i am only attracted to one gender. i’m attracted to “womenness” so to speak, i.e. women and non-binary people who identify partly or in some way as women. i’m not attracted to men or non-binary people who don’t identify as women in any way. i’m not saying that women-aligned non-binary people are exactly the same as binary women, because holy shit i don’t think that, but someone has to be at least partly a woman for me to be attracted to them, ergo i describe myself as gay and only attracted to one gender.
and no “the world is not ending”, i didn’t say that the world was ending, i said that by allowing anyone who wants to call themselves gay regardless of whether or not that label actually applies to them, you render the word meaningless and leave actual gay people with no words to accurately describe themselves. if you could refrain from mocking my and other gay peoples’ concerns in this area by saying we think that ~the world is ending, that would be great, thanks.
2. you did not just refer to me as a “gay multisexual” holy shit????? i’m not multisexual, i don’t identify that way, and you thinking you have the right to re-label me and my sexuality is rude as fuck. like “don’t refer to people with words they don’t identify with” is social justice 101, did you miss that memo or?
and you’re acting as though i’m the same as a bi person who calls themself gay and thank u very much but i am not. i am gay. i am literally gay. i am not bi, i’m not multisexual, i’m certainly not a “gay multisexual” (?) and you have no right to redefine my sexuality for me what the fuck.
your logic here that i (and other people like me who refer to themselves as non-binary lesbians) must actually be multisexuals because we’re attracted to non-binary people as well as binary people is actually more misgendering and erasive than anything you’ve accused me of saying. like, it’s entirely possible for someone who is only attracted to women to be attracted to me, because i am (partly) a woman. your acting like anyone who could be attracted to me would be multisexual puts me in a completely different category to binary women, and i’m extremely uncomfortable with that. i’m having a bit of a problem putting this into words but like.... my womanhood is not inherently different to the womanhood of a binary woman, and acting as though i belong in a wholly different category to them feels othering and pathologising to me.
i actually don’t agree that bi people calling themselves gay is supporting conversion therapy or other kinds of abuse (and i said so in my post so i’m not entirely sure why you’re bringing this up). non-straight ppl definitely don’t have the power to cause or reinforce abuse just by referring to themselves with a certain word, i think that argument is nonsense and people who make it are missing the point. non-gay people calling themselves gay is still harmful & offensive to a lot of ppl but yeah we need to have that discussion without accusing bi people of somehow causing homophobic abuse.
i’m not saying you’re exploiting yourself. i specifically mentioned that i know you’re non-binary to try to make it clear that i wasn’t accusing you of exploiting yourself. (i actually don’t think it’s possible for someone to exploit themselves, like what would that even mean?) my POINT was that it’s rude to use non-binary people to support your argument that anyone can call themselves gay when there are numerous gay non-binary people who disagree with you and find it offensive. i’m not saying you’re exploiting yourself, i’m saying you’re ignoring an entire subset of the group you’re supposedly supporting.
(and t b q h it’s a bit rich for you to be upset about me supposedly saying you’re exploiting yourself when you basically flat-out accused me of erasing my own identity as a non-binary person in your first paragraph)
3. acting as though sexual and romantic attraction are always two totally separate things is nonsense sorry ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and by redefining the words “homosexual” “bisexual” etc. to mean only sexual attraction you’re playing into stereotypes about how lgb people are all hypersexualised fiends. i could write about this for days but this isn’t the point of this post so
4. i’ve already explained why this argument is wrong and why it makes me uncomfortable. also i’m not trying to personally define what the word gay means, i didn’t just make up the definition myself on a whim. i’m just. saying that it actually HAS a definition and people who don’t meet that definition shouldn’t use that word to describe themselves. i’m not sure why this is such a controversial statement??? i’m not bi, i don’t meet the definition of that word, so it wouldn’t make sense for me to go around calling myself bi. and if i did so bi people would have every right to be uncomfortable and ask me to stop doing it (i mean, me calling myself bi when i’m only attracted to one gender would play into stereotypes about how bi people will eventually ~choose the one gender they’re attracted to, just like bi ppl calling themselves gay plays into stereotypes about how gay ppl can become more ~open-minded and have ~exceptions).
5. once again i said that i don’t think bi people calling themselves gay causes homophobic abuse so ?
6. haha yeah don’t worry you’ve already made it pretty clear that you don’t care about a single thing gay people are saying wrt this issue. being a survivor doesn’t instantly give someone the right to do or say whatever they want. this is not “just a matter of language use” it’s a matter of respecting the feelings of gay and lesbian people on issues that affect them directly. the fact some people have been assholes and blamed bi people for homophobic abuse doesn’t somehow make it wrong for gay people to voice their concerns on this issue. i’m not trying to dictate how survivors should behave, all i’m saying is “please don’t call yourself gay if you aren’t gay”. and honestly i really hate the idea that’s ok for survivors to do whatever they want just because they’re survivors and they’re hurting. being in pain doesn’t mean you get to do whatever you like and completely ignore how it impacts other ppl. tbqh i find the whole “you can’t criticise what this person is saying, they’re a survivor and they’re in PAIN” to be incredibly condescending, being a survivor does not rob someone of the ability to consider the feelings and opinions of others, it doesn’t make someone completely unaccountable for the things they say. acting like all survivors are just big balls of emotion who are allowed to say and do whatever they want because they can’t control themselves or because their pain trumps everyone else’s discomfort is not a good way to support survivors.
how the hell am i dictating what survivors “actually are” lmao, all i said was that survivors who identify as bi are bi? i’m not defining their attractions for them literally all i’m saying is that they are what they identify as ??????? all i’m doing is respecting the way they identify and define themselves (something which you haven’t had the courtesy to do for me, just btw)
i’d actually like to know if all these bi/pan/etc survivors who refer to themselves as gay are actually people you’ve spoken to or know of or whatever or if they’re just hypotheticals that you’ve thought up because using survivors to support your argument is a good way to play on people’s emotions and get them on your side. just wondering
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