Apology to Wander
This is a public apology and making things clear about the drama with Wander aka strawhatwife
I will give explanations of why I did some things but it's no excuse, I'm just explaining the process. It's just facts and I always think it's better to understand things.
As you may know, there was a huge drama involving me and my double strawhatwife aka Wander. And most of it was my fault. I don't know if I lied to myself or I was too blind and miserable to acknowledge it, but it was. It took me a while to realize it. The hurt I've done, the things that were not okay. I'm getting better mentally and things are starting to be clear now. Of course bad mental health is no excuse to act like this. I'm not looking for forgiveness anyway, just doing the right thing.
During the time I was sharing, I clearly lied to myself trying to think I was okay but I wasn't. I started being competitive and wanted to put them down by making me look better and good and by targeting them (sometimes I didn't but some posts were targeted). I was insecure cause I was in a bad mental place and instead of seeking help and getting off social media, I hurted them and acted like a real fucking jerk.
I pretended to acknowledge their relationship but I didn't really. My want to be friends with them was genuine though, we have things in common, values and I know they're a good person, that's why I feel bad about this. I never lied about how cool they were and how nice it was talking to them. But sharing an f/o was the thing that made this whole thing weird for me and lead me to unacceptable behaviours. My intent was never to hurt, but to have the attention on myself. It felt like a war honestly and I hate it. And I'm sorry for doing that. And not seeing what was wrong. It felt like I wasn't myself and was fucking blind.
I turned wander into my enemy, to me I was fighting over a boy. That was dumb. Now things have changed, my relationship to being a ficto and to Luffy is not the same and I feel fucking stupid for acting like that.
I also made the whole thing public and that was a shitty idea yes, my communication skills lacked for sure on my end. Wander tried to communicate, and I tried too but I was weird now I know that.
I tried to divide people. I did. That was awful. Now it feels dumb and silly cause I don't care anymore. I was blinded by insecurity and anger that was not justified. Wander did not deserve this.
Wander has done nothing wrong. They always tried to makes things right and I destroyed it all.
I lied to people or maybe didn't even realised I had done something wrong and told them that wander had done something. That was messed up. It was. I'm sorry I lied or at least wasn't able to see what I did.
I told wander had harassed me for whatever reason, I don't even remember why but I felt like they were but they were just trying to live their life and get justice. I think. I mean they didn't do anything wrong.
This time of my life is very blurry and I don't remember if I did anything else that was wrong, I probably did but I think my mind is trying to forget about it. Tell me if I have done something else. I will take accountability. That's why a lot of you probably think I'm manipulative, I was yes. But I won't gain anything from making this post. I'm not asking people to trust me anyway after this. I understand why you wouldn't.
I'm very saddened about what happened because I genuinely thought I could be friends with wander before I started being a jerk and I still regret it to this day. I sincerely do. You didn't deserve this. I genuinely believe you're a great person Wander and I'm sorry I was a jerk, I really am. I messed up.
Feel like I'm finally waking up and opening my eyes and realising all the harm I've done.
I'm not expecting anyone to forgive me or trust me. I'm just doing what I think is right.
If there is anything else I can do to make it up, tell me.
I know it's a messy apology sorry about that.