Too much to ask?
Summary: The world sees nine members. You only see eight…and yourself. After years of feeling invisible, one confrontation forces everyone to face the truth they’ve been avoiding.
Warnings: nothing really, this is also barley proofread so forgive me for any spelling mistakes
Genre: angst
(Btw, ‘The argument that ended us’ fic is coming tomorrow)
You were never one to try and be the center of attention but you had to admit, it hurt when the members would act like you’re a stranger. In 2017, you came to JYP entertainment hoping for a fresh new start and a new family…let’s just say that didn’t happen.
JYP said he wanted to ‘Try something new’ by placing you in stray kids instead of a girl group, you were certain he was setting you up to fail, the amount of hate you thought you would get…a girl who’s only been training for barely a year in a boy band? When JYP announced the survival show, you were beyond nervous.
How were you even supposed to keep up? Would the boys even like you? Lo and behold the day you were dreading came, you stepped into the practice room where the other guys were stretching. JYP introduced you then quickly left the room, it seemed like he didn’t even wanna be there either. Needless to say, the guys didn’t exactly welcome you with open arms..the arms were very much closed. Fast forward to the present year, and
basically nothing’s changed.
Bangchan talks to you out of pity, he denies it but you can tell. he doesn’t make it obvious like some of the others but he keeps his walls up around you, even the fans notice he’s more talkative with the others. When he sees people talking about it online he tries to get the other members to interact with you but it doesn’t work, you can tell he doesn’t really care about you being left out, he honestly feels like it’s not a big deal. He has bigger things to worry about apparently.
Lee know doesn’t even talk to you, some people say he’s just quiet but you’ve seen how he is with the rest of the group, he more lively. The only time he acknowledges you is to scold you when you mess up. But when you ask him if he could walk you through the choreography, he makes up an excuse ‘I’m tired’ ‘figure it out yourself’ ‘you should know it by now’.
Eventually you just stopped asking.
Changbin isn’t mean to you, but he doesn’t act like he cares about you, either. He doesn’t go out of his way to include you in anything, but he doesn’t go out of his way to exclude you, either. You’re just…there. Sometimes you wonder if he even notices when you’re around. You don’t think he dislikes you. You just don’t think he thinks about you at all.
Hyunjin doesn’t..completely hate you, he would ask you for your opinion on stuff even though he wouldn’t really take it seriously, and he would acknowledge you sometimes. Some people would say that’s the bare minimum but to you that makes you feel special. You thought you guys could be friends but you soon realized that he’s not your friend. He just wants to be acquaintances rather than actual friends who hang out. It seems like he just doesn’t want you to consider him rude.
Han is the only one who you would consider a friend. He doesn’t defend you when the members are mean to you but you guys do hang out sometimes. When you guys hang out, you feel like you can’t really talk to him about deep stuff. It’s very surface level, sometimes you feel like he just hangs out with you to pass the time. But that’s not true, you guys are really friends..right?
Felix and you are very different. He’s an extrovert, you’re an introvert. He’s popular, you’re not. So you guys don’t really understand each other. He tries to tell you about how busy it is with all the ambassador ships and brand deals, you think all that sounds like a dream. When you talk to him about the other members not liking you, he tells you that you have to just talk more, put yourself out there, and be a little patient with the others. They come around soon enough. You’ve been “patient” for 7 years and look where that’s led you. People just gravitate towards Felix so he wouldn’t get it anyway.
Seungmin is always cracking “jokes” about you. But they never feel like jokes to you. Everyone else laughs, so you force yourself to laugh too, even when it stings. If you say something about it, he’ll probably tell you you’re too sensitive. Maybe you are. Or maybe it’s only a joke because you’re the one it’s happening to.
I.N is polite to you, but that’s about it. He’s never rude, and he’ll answer if you talk to him, but the conversation never lasts very long. Sometimes you think he only talks to you because it’d be awkward if he didn’t. You can’t blame him, though. If everyone else seems to keep their distance from you, why wouldn’t he?
On the bright side, you don’t get as much hate as you thought you would..but you don’t get much attention either, from the fans and the members.
You can’t really blame them though, you don’t try to bring attention to yourself anyway. Even in interviews you keep your head down at all times and only talk when spoken to, not that people take heed when you do.
Recently you’ve been messing up more than usual, your voice been cracking, you’re messing up the moves, and the members have noticed. They always keep it real when it comes to you, no sugarcoating.
Even if it might hurt you. Lee know says you should be thankful for it but once they give you the constructive criticism, if you can even call it that. They don’t give you tips on how to fix it, you’ve realized it just feels like you’re their punching bag.
The day to record everyone’s lines has come upon you. On the walk to the recording studio, your nerves were through the roof. You felt like just going back to your room and hiding, but then again you feel like that everyday. Once you reach the door, you put your hand on the handle and take a deep breath to compose yourself.
Once you walk in the laughter emulating the room completely stopped. You sighed as you walked up to the booth. You could tell Bangchan wasn’t in a good mood, he’s always stressed on recording days which made you nervous. “Just..try your best yea?” Bangchan commented. You nodded and the music started playing, it was going okay till the high note, your palms were sweaty, you were fidgeting with your rings until it happened…your voice cracked.
Bangchan immediately stopped the song and you could hear Lee know snickering in the back. You avoided eye contact with Bangchan as he started speaking “Let’s try that again” he added, rubbing his temples. Again the music started, this time your voice immediately cracked and you didn’t even get to the high note yet, one part of your brain was saying it was just nerves the half was trying to convince you that you couldn’t sing anymore.
Bangchan rolled his eyes and Changbin sighed “How about you go get a drink of water?” He suggested. You nodded and quickly dashed out of the recording booth. You lean against the wall behind the couch, you were drinking some water and tried to practice in your head until you heard it, Lee know making fun of you and Han laughing.
At first, you thought they were talking about something else but then Lee know said your name. Don’t they know I’m standing right here? You thought. You could feel tears forming in your eyes and you were gonna quickly go to the bathroom and cry but then you thought about it…if you were to just go cry in the bathroom they would still be making fun of you, if you were to go cry in the bathroom han would act like he wasn’t making fun of you. If you were to go cry in the bathroom, nothing would change.
“I’m standing right here you know?” You stated, your voice trembling. “I’m not talking about you” Lee know denied, turning to face you. “You are!..I heard you, just say it to my face” you insisted. “Hey! Y/n stop talking to him like that, he’s older than you” Chan demanded. “So it’s okay for him to make fun of me but I can’t defend myself!..all of you guys treat me like I’m not apart of the group and I’m tired of it!” you yelled back.
“That’s not true y/n calm down” I.N said. “Yea we weren’t talking about you” Han lied “why can’t you just admit it! Admit that you guys don’t even want me here, everyone can tell!” You shouted, before walking out of the recording studio. You quickly sped to your dorm, crying and trying to avoid anyone in the hallway. Your dorm wasn’t anything special, JYP had said he didn’t want you to share a dorm with them because of scandals or whatever. Not sharing a dorm always made it easier for them to leave you out of movie nights but you were grateful for your dorm. As soon as you got inside, you collapsed on your bed and started sobbing. You were mad at everyone, especially Han, he was supposed to have your back! All you wanted was to feel wanted…was that too much to ask?
