we're all fucking fruit

Hi, I'm Izzy! 20s. Expect gay tv shows, political angst, and general ridiculousness.😊 *update as of 8/22 this blog is now 95% A League of Their Own and at least 75% jesslupe lol oops* currently afk for a couple months to focus on getting sober lol send me posivibes that i dont fuck this up✨

[anexpansionlikegold-deactivated]

When people say, “nature is my religion” are they talking about flies that feed on shit, maggots in decomposing corpses, lionesses with stained teeth and mouths full of blood? Are they talking about floods and fires and things from which we should always run? Are they talking about carcasses, rot, death?

Or do they just mean “this particular copse of benign trees is my religion”

[sigilmilk]

You can’t hug a tree without touching all the rot it took to grow it.

[the-haiku-bot]

You can’t hug a tree

without touching all the rot

it took to grow it.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[web-paige]

haiku bot where are you this is perfect for you come here haiku bot.

[the-haiku-bot]

haiku bot where are

you this is perfect for you

come here haiku bot.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[babyypants]

How Ponify ruined my life

Possibly the most horrifying thing that has ever happened to me occurred today. So I’m in a creative writing class at university right now and we had to print out twenty-five copies of our first, one page assignment to distribute to the class. I had to print mine at the computer lab as I don’t have a printer, but here are the three crucial facts that made this the worst mistake of my life.

1. Sometimes, when you log into Google on Chrome, it activates all of your extensions, even ones you’ve deactivated.

2. In high school, my friends and I got really into Ponify (a words replacing chrome extension) and switched the preferences so we could read political articles and have congress get into a “rousing snow ball fight” and the like.

3. Ponify reverted to its original My Little Pony lingo when opened on a new computer’s chrome.

So when I distributed my twenty-five copies of this I noticed the word “everypony”, my heart seized up and dropped into my stomach, and with my imminent death approaching, I began furiously correcting all twenty-five of them. My teacher, confusedly, agreed to let me correct them as I was too infuriated and ashamed to say my mistake aloud. 

I just realized, however, that the line “as she watched the binding fall away in her hand” was changed to “as she watched the binding fall away in her hoof”. 

And I just had to send this email:

And basically I’m ready for death how was your day

[coulsonlives]

Nobody asked me to bring this back. I’m bringing it back anyways.

[the-haiku-bot]

Nobody asked me

to bring this back. I’m bringing

it back anyways.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[wetheurban]

You don't need to have all the answers right now. You just need to focus on the next small step in front of you.

[thoodleoo]

hades explaining that he’s the god of the dead, not the god of death

[moonlitlillypop]

Thanatos explaining that he’s the god of death, not hades

[moonlitlillypop]

Thanatos explaining that it applies to animals too

[mando-lore]

Poseidon explaining that he is the god of the seas and oceans

[roomba-with-knives-taped-to-it]

Zeus explaining why he can’t keep it in his pants

[miceprincess]

Hermes explaining why he gotta go fast

[memesandmylife]

dionysus explaining why he’s Like That

[femur-theif]

All of these are so accurate it hurts

[glass-trash-bab]

@nicadenic

[lesbian-velma-rights]

Also Hermes, God of messengers

[confusedwitch-deactivated202412]

And Eris, Goddess of discord and chaos

[thethinkingaurora]

Oh my god I’m dying, these are all just consecutive sucker punch’s straight to the nose

Help

[william-solace-aaaaa-deactivate]

Ares, the god of war

[lumoslesbians]

stranger things binge!

love when i watch a popular thing

and im like ooooo

that's why ppl likey!!!!

[prokopetz]

“Which spices go with which foods” lists are of limited value to me because, like, I have functioning taste buds. What I really need is a “spices that need to be added at the start of the cooking time in order to properly develop versus spices that need to be added in the last five minutes because extended heating fucks up the flavour profile” list – that shit is not intuitive.

[not-quitenormal]

Keeping this for my own records if nothing else. This makes so much sense!!!

[the-haiku-bot]

Keeping this for my

own records if nothing else.

This makes so much sense!!!

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[earlsjustwannahavefun]

Every kitten I foster is attracted to this random brick I use to hold the pee pads under the litter box in place

[earlsjustwannahavefun]

Another one

[earlsjustwannahavefun]

Throwback to Tuna from my last round of fosters enjoying The Brick

[earlsjustwannahavefun]

Bricks can also be pillows, I guess

Ergonomic. Comfy. It's not like there are 4 beds she could sleep on in this room.

[catlips001]

Don’t mind me. Just cleaning your dash

[catlips001]

Absolute filth on main

[zackbuildit]

Oh well thank you- HEY WAIT THOSE ARE OUR MUTUALS YOU’RE SWEEPING STOP THAT-

[the-haiku-bot]

Oh well thank you- HEY

WAIT THOSE ARE OUR MUTUALS

YOU’RE SWEEPING STOP THAT-

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[alivehouse]

everyone STOP having steady 9-5s and start being able to hang out with me at 2 am on a wednesday

[lumoslesbians]

i FEEL UTTERLY GASLIT

BLACK MIRROR THE BEYOND THE SEA MIY FRIEND

WTHAT THE FUCK

he liED TO ME AND SAID THEY SECRETLY HAD BEEN HOMO FOR EACH OTHER ALL ALONG IT WOULDNVE BEEN SO MUCH FUCKING BETTER WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS WORSE THAN DESTIEL

[stephocrates]

corporate ppl are always like “i hate email comms they cause so many delays” but those people are fools. i crave communication delays. i hit send on an email and then immediately shoot a prayer up to the heavens that the response may take 2-3 days. let’s slow everything down just a bit thank you.

[stephocrates]

this is the most productive workforce in history and im just doing my part to dial that back a tad

[asphodelimago]

#reblog#this is fully correct#before i sent the email it was My Problem#now the email is sent and it is not Not My Problem for as long as it takes to get a reply

Yes.

[frozensnetwork]

disneyonbroadway: Samantha Barks brought her Elsa magic to the #D23 Disney Entertainment Showcase ahead of the upcoming release of @frozenbroadway on @disneyplus! ❄️✨

[lumoslesbians]

90 songs in 90 weeks: We Can Do Hard Things by Tish Melton (1/90)

This song was the first song I played when I sneakytook my ukulele from the staff office when I was in rehab recently and they were withholding it from me for "bad behavior". :)

I remember being like "lol am i finally fine tho?"

It felt really funny and nice to sing it and feel it today.

[guilty-pleasures-abound]

Sticky hand wall update

[guilty-pleasures-abound]

Yep… totally fine…

[guilty-pleasures-abound]

Update the third.

[guilty-pleasures-abound]

True love is happening on the sticky hand wall.

[guilty-pleasures-abound]

Union of Man and Sticky Hands

[atleasttheyvegotstars]

@urbilaterian

[diabollicallyangelic-deactivate]

As far as I’m concerned, this is art

[wiz-witch]

I don’t think this even was the result of quarantine, I think he was just already like that

[iheartvelma]

This window cat seat comes with a legend to identify the current occupant.

[nyancrimew]

[charl0ttan]