REQUESTS CURRENTLY CLOSED SORRY! ONLY UNTIL I CATCH UP <3 You can call me moon, lune, or luna.🌝 I write, read, run, daydream and I try and survive the day 🤍 she/her
Fandom: The Pitt, Animal Kingdom (Crossover with The Pitt) in progress, posted on AO3
This brain dump
This brain dump
JA x reader!robby's sister
Not as sweet as you think part 2
♡ Introduction can be found here
♡ I write mainly F/M relationship, reader x jack abbot, MDNI +18
♡ I write a lot of brain dumps. Requests are open if you want to see any of them as full fics
♡ Although i am not chronically ill, I love representing chronic illness. A bit of insight here on why. Below are my fics, chronic illness added next to it
♡ English is not my first language
♡ My AO3 is Lunarayletters
♡ Request rules here
Newest fic -- > I might stay here for a little while longer
Lies and love , love and lust (part 2)
The wishing tree (part 1), flicker of hope (part 2)
Not as sweet as you think (dv between siblings)
to love and to understand (autistic reader)
Shadow (SH, narcistic parents)
Midnight fix
But am I strong enough? (DV)
Not so soon, this soon?
The J club
Joining Jack for sunrise yoga
Rules of the game
Best friends? unlabelled?, Best friends
Common sense
Positions (smutty)
Besties , continuation of besties
AK x The Pitt
Inner voices
Timings, time after time
Letters , too many letters, not enough words
Statistics
One stormy night , Everyday's a storm
In this together
Rumours , goodbye jack
More than a Jane Doe , Our Jane Doe (infertility, endometriosis) , no longer a jane doe
You love me, but , I don't hate you, but , No more buts, please , All of you
Mama knows best part 1/ I think Mama likes me part 2, Mama the matchmaker (reader is an immigrant, funny light hearted content)
Friday the 13th (a series of unfortunate events)
No, chef / More, chef 1/2 2/2 (smutty)
Tell me your secrets 1/2 / trust me with your secrets 2/2 (DV, mental health)
All fics below are paired with either Jack Abbot, Dennis Whitaker or Frank Langdon.
JA X reader (Chronic UTI)
Fight for Me (multiple sclerosis) x JA
Anything for you (fibromyalgia) x DW
Never hide from me (eczema) x JA
the perfect list (JA x reader!scoliosis) X JA
Not just a habit (OCD) x JA
All my love (narcolepsy) x JA
JA x Reader (Hard of hearing, epileptic, EDS)
JA x Reader (Pollen allergy)
FL x Reader (POTS)
JA x Reader (SVT)
JA x Reader (asthma)
Frank langdon x reader (chronic stomach pain)
JA x ballerina (EDS)
Comfort (crohn's) x JA
Is this place cursed?/this place is indeed cursed/ the curse has lifted / the curse has moved on 1/4 2/4 3/4 4/4 (chronic illness in part 2 - JIA) x JA
Scared of being loved (chronic illness - coeliac and migraines) x JA
Mine, you're finally mine. (chronic illness - chronic fatigue syndrome) x JA
In love with a stranger 1/4 2/4 3/4 4/4 (chronic illness - type 1 diabetes, PTSD)
Don't kill my whimsy (hip dysplasia) , part 2 x JA
just read “i might stay a little while longer” and i’m crying 😭 absolutely amazing work, so beautifully written 💗 can’t wait to see what other works you have in store xx
hiiiii anon thank you so much that means a lot to me 💞 I cried whilst writing it too.
I’m currently working on a few fics!! 🙊
One is ready and will be posted I think tomorrow probably. (JA x Reader!robby’s little sister)
And then I’m working on:
- JA x readers!Marrying someone no one likes and Jack is in love with her
- JA x reader! Rich and owns a tennis club
- JA x reader!who wakes up in Jack’s bed after a night out and neither remember what happened
Summary: Jack Abbot is trying to live because he wants to live. And you are trying to live, but also want to die. Jack Abbot became a foster dad overnight after yet another baby was abandoned at PTMC. And you had just lost your baby.
He comes up with a plan to keep you here. With him.
The ER wallflower. The nickname that was chosen for you and one that summed you perfectly. Since starting at PTMC, which was almost a year ago, you kept to yourself because you were socially anxious. Conversations played on your mind, and sometimes humour affected you in ways you didn't understand. So it was best to stay quiet. You came to work on time, got the job done, and simply went home to your lonely apartment.
Life was simple, and had been this way for a long time. Nothing ever exciting happened. Until one day you met the wrong person and ended up getting pregnant. There wasn't much regret, despite it happening with the wrong person, because you might have finally found your purpose in this life. Being someone's mom. The excitement didn't last long, because shortly after the first trimester, complications presented and you were told not to hold onto any hope.
But you did. A tiny bit of hope was all you wanted in this life. So you held onto it, and prayed that every day your baby would pull through.
You did well hiding the pregnancy at PTMC. No one noticed, so you simply did not share it. People congratulating you was a huge no - the last thing you wanted was being the centre of attention. Then, they'd be asking about the dad. 'Oh, he ran the opposite way' is what you would say. Again, you didn't blame him. After all, you preferred to be alone.
So your day consisted of appointments to check on baby, and with each appointment, it was more bad news or no news. You'd then go to work, act like everything was fine, and go home and pray for your baby.
That tiny bit of hope sat in your heart, helping it beat.
"Does our wallflower seem different to you?" Lena asks Jack one evening.
"Don't think we should be calling her that.. It's mean." Jack says softly, watching you in the distance. He has spoken to you countless times, but only ever about work. He had asked about your day, what you get up to.. why you don't go out with anyone. But with each question, he noticed how fidgety you got and how nerves overtook you. But the heart doesn't decide who to fall in love with, and Jack couldn't stop his heart from doing anything.
He enjoyed your company and your calming presence. He loved how soft-spoken you were and how gentle you were with patients. He found it incredibly adorable when a patient cracked a joke, and you waited for someone else to laugh before you did. Like you were waiting for permission to do so. He loved how you checked in on him more than anyone, reminding him to take a break, or pointing at the cup of coffee he put down somewhere and forgot about. He loved how you asked him if his leg was hurting and to sit down. You didn't stop being a nurse, to patients or colleagues. But if only he knew a tiny bit more about you.
"But different how?" Jack asked.
"She's too quiet."
"She's always been quiet."
"Not with you, she hasn't." Everyone had noticed how you came out of your shell just a tiny bit around Jack. They assumed it was a crush, but it was more complicated than that.
See, a wallflower, or a socially anxious person in general, will find their one safe person to be around. Someone who would match their energy; someone who would not push for them to be more than what they are. And someone who simply is... kind. Someone like Jack.
"Maybe she's got home trouble..." Jack added. The thought worried him; that you could possibly be going through something horrible, and you had no one to turn to.
Little did Jack know, that you were indeed, going through something utterly devestating.
Losing your baby.
The day your leave ended after you lost your baby, you wrote your resignation letter, explaining your reasoning behind your departure and headed over to HR. "Effective immediately?" The woman asks.
"Yes, please."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive."
"Do you have anyone at home to support you through this?"
"Yes, of course." A big, huge, terrible lie. You had no one to turn to. The tiny hope you held on to? It was gone. Dead. In a tiny little coffin.
"Take care of yourself, will you?"
"Sure."
Little did she know that you had now decided that life is not worth living. The day you gave birth to a beautiful sleeping baby was the day you decided that you didn't want to live any longer without him.
A decision that was not made quickly, nor irrationally. You were simply too deep into a big black hole, and no one was coming to rescue you. The isolation you engulfed yourself in wouldn't even allow anyone to come in and rescue you.
You headed back downstairs to PTMC and braced yourself to have one very difficult discussion with Lena, that tonight would be your last night. It was much easier this way, because it saves anyone from buying you a leaving present. You didn't expect anyone to of course, but maybe Jack would have bought something? It's not like you could take it to the afterlife anyway. Plus, leaving this suddenly meant the attention would be on you for an hour or two, then you could go back to your miserable and lonely life.
You put your bag in your locker, along with a small pump that the nurse gave you. That was another brutal thing you had to go through. No one talks about life after giving birth, without a baby. A decision was made by you to pump and donate your milk to the NICU upstairs. You told them that day you gave birth to run their checks and finalise any paperwork that required you to be a donor. You could at least save a few babies' lives, even if you didn't want to save your own life.
Everyone is around the hub, gathered for their catch-up before the night shift starts. You said a quick hello, eyes meeting Jack's, who immediately smiles at you.
"Hey Lena, can I have a quick word?" You ask softly, still feeling Jack's eyes on you from a distance.
"Sure sweet, what's wrong?"
Jack's heart sinks as he hears you say the words, 'I'm leaving.' You don't give an explanation, despite Lena's questions, but instead he hears you apologise over and over again for leaving. You said it with so much guilt, almost like you were leaving somewhere you can't come back from. She asks if you have another job lined up, saying she's willing to write a letter of recommendation. But you tell her that you're taking a break.
Taking a break?
Jack doesn't focus on what Shen or anyone else is saying until Parker nudges him to pay attention. He excuses himself and walks straight over to Lena just as you walk away. "She's leaving? What the hell?"
"She's worrying me..."
"You and me both. Do you know anything about her?"
"Nope." Lena states, "Been this quiet since she started. But she looks sad — like she's grieving."
Before Jack could say anything, Mateo comes running into the ER through the ambulance doors with a baby wrapped up in his hands. "Guess what I found."
"The hell?" Jack frowns. "Did you bring it with you from home?"
"Found 'em outside. No note, nothing. Just them in a baby car seat."
"Let's go to peds. Lena, let's keep a lookout for a parent that's.. hysterically crying somewhere. In triage or outside."
"Will do."
The two men rush over to peds, with the baby calmly nestled in Mateo's arms.
"Suits you." Jack jokes.
"No offence Dr Abbot but I haven't held something this small... ever. Please take it away."
"Let's find out more about... it."
Mateo carefully puts the baby in the cot; Jack is already gloved up and unwrapping the baby blanket. "Shit."
"Literally."
The smell of poo fills up the room and the two men gag immediately.
"Damn kid." Mateo says, reaching for a face mask and handing Jack one too. The baby's clothes come off, except the dirty nappy and they carry out their checks.
"Good airway, perfect circulation.." Jack murmurs. "Heart rate is fine, oxygen is too."
"I'll draw some bloods."
"Let's uh... do something about the shit first?" Jack gestures at the mess.
"Not it!" Mateo yells and the baby immediately starts fussing. "Oh shit."
"No swearing in front of babies!" Jack hisses, "It's your fault it's crying."
"Fine i'll change the nappy. Then take bloods when it's not covered in literal shit."
"And I'll start on the full physical exam." Jack smiles at the baby who's now holding onto his finger and not letting go. "How old do you think it is?"
"It is a she..." Mateo states, "and she must be, what four weeks old?"
"Hi baby girl." Jack coos, "Did Mateo scare you? yeah?"
"Wanna hold her?" Mateo teases.
"Hell no, she's so small." Jack scoffs, "i'm worried i'll hurt her... But I know just the person that could help us."
"Hey sweet?" Lena finds you in one of the rooms just as you're finishing up. "You busy?"
"Uh no, all yours. Anything you need."
"Abbot needs you in peds."
Oh the world is cruel, you think to yourself. You don’t know if you’re ready to deal with a baby anytime soon.
"Why?"
"Baby Jane Doe."
"Another one?"
The world is definitely very, very cruel. Your already broken heart has a new crack now, one you’re convinced might fully break it.
"Yep. Younger this time too. Do you think you can give him a hand?"
You want to say no. You want to yell and scream no, no, no, but instead you force a small smile: "Sure. No problem."
There were eleven more hours to go on your shift. Eleven hours until you say goodbye to this place and its people, for one final time. You open the door slowly and peek your head in. "Did you need me?"
Jack nods for you to come in, both hands occupied with one crying and fussy baby, "Meet our newest's patient. Someone left her behind."
"Are you sure they're not coming back?"
"It's been almost an hour..." Jack clicks his teeth, "don't think they're coming back anytime soon."
"Vitals okay?"
"Yeah, just waiting on pathology."
"Okay, so what... am I needed for?"
You want to get out of this room. You are convinced this is hell, and you are currently in it. Having a baby, right in front of you, this beautiful and small, when yours didn't even make it to this size... was simply devastating. And more importantly, a baby that has been willingly abandoned.
"Can you try and.. help with the crying?"
"I'm no expert... Maybe she's hungry?"
"We're waiting for some baby milk from the NICU."
Probably your breast milk. Another cruel joke from the universe.
"Nappy?"
"Already changed."
"Uh... skin to skin?"
"Does that usually work?"
"I dunno... maybe she needs some human touch. Some… love"
The baby cries so much that her screech pierces everyone's ears, including everyone outside. Jack walks around the room, gently rocking her, but nothing seems to calm her down.
At first you felt helpless. You don’t want to hold her, or be anywhere near here. But your body was pulling you toward her — almost like she needs you just as much as you need her.
"Let me try" you eventually give in, and gesture for him to give you the baby.
He freezes for a moment, eyes looking at your chest. You follow his gaze and see two dark and wet patches sitting at the front of your scrubs. Horrified doesn't even describe how you felt, and you quickly turn your back to him, scrambling for anything to say, but you can't come up with anything quick enough to say.
"Sweetheart are you-"
"No, Jack, I'm not." You are not pregnant, nor do you have a child anymore. "It's complicated."
"Okay, it's okay. Go pump if you need to."
Jack can hear your broken sniffles, regret immediately filling him about dragging you into this mess. Only one person would ever cry like this over a baby and breast milk. A person who wants to hold their baby, but can't.
"Sweetheart, you can leave the room if you want to."
You choke out, "I can't"
"Why not?"
You turn to face him, and your top is now soaked through. You move your hands in an attempt to cover it, but it was too late because the patches were far too obvious, and there is now milk soaking through your clothes.
"I'll put her on the bed, and I'll go grab you a new top and your pump. Yeah? Sound okay?" Jack says sincerely.
"I'll take her it's okay."
"Are you sure?"
You nod and reach over for her.
The racing thoughts in your mind that you've had the past few months, and the anxiety in your chest, the broken heart that kept beating despite everything... all seemed to go quiet the moment you held her.
At first you didn’t understand why you don’t feel as broken holding her. Why aren’t you crying? Why do you feel okay?
You don’t want to feel okay. You were used to feeling broken and sad, and don’t want to feel anything else.
But your body knows what it’s missing.
You ignored whatever flutter you felt in your chest once her little hand rested on your chest.
"Do you have a pump on you?" Jack asks softly.
"In my locker, yeah."
"I'll go get it, and i'll check the milk from NICU too."
"Jack?" you hate yourself for what you're about to say, but you trust him with your secret and don't know why.
"Yeah?"
"The breast milk from the NICU is most likely mine," you mutter. "I donated a fresh batch this morning... and no, my baby is not in the NICU, before you ask."
"I'm truly and terribly sorry for dragging you into this. I promise I didn't know."
A knock on the door interrupts both of you, and the neonatologist walks in, whom you have met with before. Your baby never made it to the NICU, but you were introduced in case there were any signs of life when he was born.
"Hi Dr Williams." You give her a small smile. "Meet our Baby Jane Doe. And this is Dr Abbot."
"Nice to meet you both. So what have we got?"
"She won't stop crying”
"That's a good sign. Means she knows what she needs." She takes the baby from you, sets her on the bed, and notices your obvious wet patches. "You good?"
"Yeah sorry, all the crying… got it all going."
"Have you pumped yet?"
"No I was... going to."'
"You're a certified donor so you can also breastfeed. If you want to."
"I didn't think... it would be allowed."
"The milk I brought down is yours anyway."
"I wouldn't know how to..."
"You don't have to, but just as a suggestion. I'm sorry about what happened.”
"It's okay, thank you."
"If this is too difficult, we can take over until social services gets here in the morning."
"No, i'm good" you nod quickly. "Really, I'm okay. If you want me to feed her, I can do it."
"Sweetheart, you don't have to..." Jack cuts in. This horrible mess he brought you into... he's never going to forgive himself.
"I'm doing it for her, no one else. As long as I'm not getting in trouble for it."
"You won't. You're helping her more than anything. I can help you." Dr Williams says.
"And I'll leave you two to it." Jack says, but Dr Williams cuts in, "Can you get us some water, please? A big bottle if possible. And some snacks for her."
Once he leaves the room, Dr Williams gestures for you to sit on the chair. You take your top off and she hands you the baby.
"Again, if you wanna back out, you can do." She says gently, "I know this is hard."
"It's okay. I promise i'm fine. I'm only doing it for her." You're doing it for her so she can feel loved and be reminded that she's not alone in this world. You’re doing if because you’re selfless and you’d want someone to do the same for your baby, if he survived in a world in which you didn't. “It's only for a few hours, right?"
"Has the doctor prescribed you the pills to stop the breast milk?"
"Not yet.. I uh.. wanted to keep donating as much as I can."
"You're too kind." She puts one gentle arm on your back, and this is the most human contact you've had in a long time, except when someone hugged you right after giving birth.
She tells you what to do and how to hold her.
The moment she latches on is the moment you feel peace. A bizarre feeling, actually, how your mind goes completely still. You felt content, like you are exactly where you're supposed to be. Like your body needed this more than anything else in the world.
"Does it feel weird?" She asks you.
"No, it feels.."
"Whole?" She smiles.
"Exactly." You chuckle nervously.
"You're doing great, and she seems like one happy bunny."
Jack knocks on the door first before walking in, and Dr Williams looks at you first before she invites him in.
"I'm not bothered." You say, looking down at the baby, "It's natural, so... if anyone has an issue with it then.. that’s on them."
"Atta girl." She pats your back and walks over to the door to let him in. "She's sleeping so... behave."
"Always" Jack smiles softly.
You weren't too sure what to expect when Jack walked in. With someone as reserved as you are, being here with one sleepy baby in your arms, and your attending standing right in front of you with one boob out... You thought it'd be intense, or weird. But actually, it wasn't awkward at all.
"How are we doing?" He asks you casually.
"Sleepy" you smile at him, "and that's both of us."
"That's normal," Dr Williams says, "keep drinking this water, and eat as much as you can. I'll come back in about an hour or so."
"When... do I know when to stop?"
"When she's had enough, she’ll pull away. Call me on my cell if you need anything." She tells you. "And do you know how to burp her?"
"Yeah... I've attended classes." You say quietly, the words heavy on your tongue.
"Stay with her, Dr Abbot. You're on diaper duty. I'll be back."
Once she leaves the room, Jack pulls a chair beside you and opens up a chocolate bar. "Hungry?"
"Mhm.” You murmur, not looking directly at him.
He brings the chocolate bar to your mouth and you take a bite. "Thank you."
"It's you we need to thank. I'm sorry I dragged you into this. I didn't know-"
"Jack, no one knew. It's okay." You trace one finger over the baby's soft head, and you get a sleepy smile back in response.
"Oh my God that's adorable" Jack chuckles, "did you see that!"
"I got a smile." You whisper to yourself.
"She likes you already."
"Yeah… well." You lean back in the seat, not taking your eyes from her for one moment.
You never thought anybody would like you, so your anxious mind reminds you that the smile was not intended for you. And that you’re not deserving of love.
What you didn't know is that the world might have been cruel for dragging you into this, but it was also trying to give you as sign that things do get better. And that life is worth living.
It was a shame you wouldn't want to listen to it, even if you knew it's plan.
Jack now knows that you don’t want to live.
The signs were never there, or maybe he missed them. But as he sits next to you on the chair, watching you keep one tiny baby alive, it became pretty obvious how broken you are.
It doesn’t take a genius to gather what had happened. He noticed the way your voice subtly shook as you sang to her, how your hands trembled when you brushed her soft head with your finger, and the fresh scars that covered your inner upper arm.
You’re leaving effective immediately, with no job to go to next.
You are leaving without return.
Call it selfish, or unethical, but what Jack does next, he does it for you and for him. Because he can’t watch you, or anyone else, give up on life this easily. Not when there’s so much more beauty to see, and more love to experience.
And if Jack fought this hard to stay here, then so will you.
So Jack said goodbye to you that morning when your shift ended. He hugged you tightly in the middle of peds, not letting go until you pulled away. “I’m going to miss you” he said.
“Thanks, Jack. I’m gonna miss you too.”
“Will you keep in touch?”
“I’ll try.”
“Thank you, for taking care of her. I’ll send you pictures of her.”
“Sure, yeah. No worries.”
He watched you say goodbye to the tiny baby, but there were very subtle, hesitant footsteps as you walked away from her. You didn’t take your eyes off her until you were out of the room.
And with that, Jack hoped that him and baby will get to see you again.
He stayed in peds with her for a while, holding her close on his chest, Jack repeating the lullaby that you sang to her. She made him feel complete, like he now knows what his purpose is in life. A feeling he did not expect, but held onto close to his heart.
This feeling gave him a new meaning to life. To be here. j
He picked up the baby and walked outside with her so she could meet the day shift staff.
“Oh not another one!” Dana rolls her eyes, dropping her bag to the floor.
“Baby Jane Doe 2.0” Jack shows her off to everyone.
“Seriously? What’s up with people throwing away perfectly good babies??” Dana scoffs, “anyone wants a baby?”
Everyone scurries away from her. “C’mon now! It’s a good baby! Somebody take her!” She points at the baby that’s perfectly nestled in Jack’s arms.
“I’ll take her.” Jack murmurs, looking down at her.
“The hell you’re not” She chuckles, “hey somebody take this baby before Abbot does!”
“I’m serious”
“No you’re not sweet. You can’t take care of a baby!”
“Yes I can.” Jack argues, “feed, sleep, change nappy. Right?”
“A bit more than that.”
“Yeah but well…”
Dana takes a minute, looking at Jack who’s got the baby wrapped up in his arms, cooing to her. She shakes her head in disappointment at what she’s about to say, “Get out of my face before I change my mind.”
Looks like Jack Abbot is taking a baby home. And his plan? So far working perfectly.
Jack Abbot was going to guilt-trip you into helping him with this baby, showing you just how beautiful life can be, until you change your mind about staying here.
Hopefully with him.
Step 1 - Attachment and detachment
Growing up, you were a happy child. Loud, energetic and someone who giggled at everything. But then one day your dad told you to stop being loud, and everyone laughed. Another time, your cousin pushed you into a pile of dirt and told you it was payback for laughing too loudly.
But the bullying didn’t stop there.
It continued throughout your life, from anyone and everyone you met. You were the friend who exclaimed too loudly, or the one who jumped up in happiness when something exciting happened. You were the friend with the brilliant sense of humour. But all it took was for a comment or two about you being too happy or too loud until too many comments sucked the last drop of energy out of you.
So you became quiet, a wallflower in fact. Detached yourself from everything and anyone, not participating in conversations, avoiding social interactions, and finding peace in how simple your life became. You didn’t know that this 'peace' is called depression. Because depression presents itself in various ways, and you had no one to help you differentiate between the two. So when you met your baby boy then lost him, your depression changed from this so called peace and quiet, into anger and rage. At the world. At the unfairness of it all. But who are you actually fighting with? Or for?
It’s been just over a day since your final shift at PTMC, and you spent the whole day finalising affairs. One thing about deciding to leave this earth is making sure no one will be left to sort out your mess after you leave. It’s not fair what you’re about to do, but life was not fair to you.
You ticked off a couple of more things on your final plan and went off to bed. Your stomach growled in protest, but you couldn’t be bothered to eat. You also decided to keep donating milk for a few more days, until everything is ticked off your plan except the final step.
Sleep came rather quickly, like it always did, and you hoped that tonight you’d dream of your baby boy. You first heard crying, lots of it. A baby was crying, screeching in fact, like it was distressed. You turned over in bed, pulling a pillow over either side of your head, but that didn’t muffle it. Where was it coming from? And why did it sound like it was coming from your apartment? You then heard the knocking. The baby was outside your door, crying. And knocking?
You run to the door and open it frantically, and there stood one Jack Abbot with a baby in his arms.
“I’m sorry” he says, “I’m sorry it’s late I know but she won’t stop crying-“
“Jack, why… do you have the baby?”
“Can I come in?”
“Do I have a choice?” You don’t want him or this baby anywhere near you. Not because you hated them, because loneliness is much easier when you’re planning a departure. Having people that care about you and care for you… complicates things.
“Please?”
You open the door fully and let him in, helping him with the nappy bag and the pram. You never thought you’d see the Jack Abbot, in your apartment, holding a baby in his arms, looking more stressed than when dealing with a GSW. “Did you.. steal the baby?”
“No, I’m fostering her.”
Oh. Bold choice, you thought to yourself. “And you’re finding it okay?”
“Does it look like I’m doing well?” Jack chuckles.
You gesture for him to pass her to you, “when did she last eat?”
“Like two hours ago.”
“Did she eat enough?”
“Nope vomited it all on me.”
You giggle at Jack's disgusted tone as you look down at the baby. “Have you given her a name?”
“I have a few options… I was thinking hope.”
“No...How about Annie?”
“Nope.. Marie? Or we can keep calling her baby Jane doe.”
“She needs a name Jack… how about Lily?”
“Lily Abbot.” He whispers, but you hear it over the crying. You can’t help but admit that it certainly does sound amazing, but don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing that you like it.
“Let’s try and have some food yeah?” You walk back the bedroom and Jack follows but you gesture for him to stop.
“Don’t you need a hand?”
“With what Abbot?” You tease, “what are you gonna squeeze my breast or something?”
“Uh what-no! No I uh”
“It’s a joke” You laugh at him, and Jack realised he had never heard you laugh like this. He loved it.
“Sorry just not.. used to uh”
“Me talking? Or joking?”
“Yeah… you’re just usually quiet.”
“You’ve not left me with any options Jack. You’re here so.. I have to talk.”
“Sorry again, I had no one else.”
“What were you thinking? Fostering a baby?”
“I have my reasons.”
You hum in response, wanting to know more about those reasons. But not now, because what’s the point in knowing more?
“Im gonna feed her, and you, mister, are going to order us some food. Because it’s 4am and you’ve interrupted my sleep. So you’re gonna get a bit of everything, preferably sushi because that’s expensive and well, you can afford it. Right?”
“Right.”
“Good. And don’t tell me the restaurants aren’t open. Find one that’s open.”
“Will do.” Jack smirks.
“Wipe that smile off your face. Once I’m done feeding you’re going back to your apartment. Got it?”
“Sure. A bit of everything then I’m getting kicked out. Sounds like a plan.” He smiles again.
Jack's baby step plan is the following:
First, it was hanging around you for too long until you got attached to him and the baby. Then, it was giving you a sense of how important you are to him and Lily and how much you brighten up their day. The step after is to show you just how truly beautiful life can be. And the final step? Hopefully, to never leave your side and keep showing you that life indeed is worth living.
It looks like his first step might be working, because he saw the corner of your mouth gently tug into a smile before you frowned again and slammed the door shut in his face.
“Your dad had a stupid, but smirk.” You say to Lily quietly, “but I’ll never tell him that..”
A little while later, you hear a gentle tap on the door and you answer for him to come in.
“Foods here.”
“That was quick”
“I paid for express delivery.”
“Did my hunger scare you?”
“A bit.”
“Good.” You don’t smile at him, but you continue to pretend that you’re indeed not happy about this. The last thing you wanted for someone as kind as Jack, and a beautiful baby like Lily, to interrupt your life and your plan, more importantly. “You’re on diaper duty; I’ll be in the living room eating my sushi.”
You shift off the bed and hand him the baby, watching for Jack’s reaction as it changes off from a happy smile to an immediate gag.
“It’s been brewing for a while so I saved it for you!” You yell as you leave the bedroom.
As promised, he indeed had ordered a bit of everything and the spread didn’t disappoint. It was certainly worth waking up at 4am for this. You turn the tv, grab a bit of everything and stretch your legs out on the sofa as you eat.
You don’t hear them come back, but you feel tiny little feet on the top of your head. Looking up, you see one happy baby and one happy Jack. “Why is she naked?”
“I forgot to pack an outfit.”
“You forgot-“ you begin to yell but then calm yourself down. “You… forgot… to pack an outfit?”
“We left in a rush!”
“Jesus Jack! Who the hell signed off on the paperwork to let you have a baby!”
“Is the food good?” He says casually once he’s on the couch next to you.
“Give me the baby.” You trade your plate with the baby and put her on your chest, throwing a blanket over the two of you. “Not even 24 hours with your dad and he’s falling apart.” You murmur to her.
“Do you.. have any clothes?”
“How small do you think I am, Abbot?” Jack doesn’t laugh instead he stays still. “It’s another joke you can laugh. Yes I do have some baby clothes.”
“I’m not used to this sense of humour.”
“Well.. dont get too attached.. You’re leaving back to your apartment aren’t you?”
“Yeah, yeah we are.” He takes a bite of the plate you handed him over, but he feels your eyes on him like a hawk, with a mouthful he mumbles, “what?”
“I have your baby on my chest and you’re eating my food? Are you kidding me!”
“Sorry” he mumbles again, “it’s been a long night”
“You think??”
He chuckles and leans over with some food, “open wide.”
The two of you stay there for a little while longer, with one sleepy baby on your chest and one incredibly happy Jack next to you who wouldn't stop feeding you despite your protests.
Once baby was asleep again, you shift off the sofa slowly, leaving a heavily asleep Jack on the sofa and head to the bedroom. You had bought some clothes for your baby boy, knowing full well he most likely would never wear them. But you could only hope at the time, right?
“Which outfit do you want to wear?” You whisper to Lily who’s wide awake and watching you. “I don’t have anything pink, but that doesn’t matter.. it’s a marketing technique really to get everything suuuper expensive. It’s called the pink tax. Anyway, I have something with giraffe on it. Sound good?”
She coos in response and you giggle.
You set her on the bed, laying the outfit next to her, “Dad’s gonna take you home in a minute. So don’t miss me too much…but I’ll see you again maybe one day.”
She holds onto your finger as you try and change her, not letting go. “You can’t take my finger with you. But dad’s got nice fingers so you can hold onto them.”
“Dad’s got ugly fingers what are you even saying!” Jack’s voice makes you both flinch and she immediately starts crying.
“Are you kidding me man!” You abandon the outfit to the side and pick her up. “Morning”
“Morning sunshine” he smiles and walks over to the two of you while you try and stop her from crying.
“We were having a great time until your gravely voice interrupted us.”
“Sorry.” Jack was not sorry in the slightest. Because he heard what you’d said to Lily, and how happy you sounded. Maybe the plan is indeed working.
“Yeah you keep saying that.” You pace around the bedroom, trying to get her to calm down. The more she cries, the more you want to cry.
“Take off your top” you say to Jack, “now”
“noww?”
“Abbot were trying skin to skin so please, just strip down.”
He doesn’t move at first, letting out a sound that mimicked defleating a balloon. Then he turns around, clears his throat, and takes his top off.
“Bed” you say to him and he does as you say. “Ready? Catch!” Jack flinches but you laugh in response, “Jesus Jack lighten up she’s not a basketball. Here,” you lower her down onto his chest, Jack wraps his arm around her and you put a blanket over the two of them.
“I’m a miracle worker” you chuckle once she stops crying. “Right well you’re good in here, right?”
“Where...are you going?”
“To eat my food!”
The door shuts gently behind you, leaving Abbot and the baby he should have never been responsible for in your opinion, in your bed.
Step 2 - The important
Your to-do list is almost done, just a couple of more credit card balances to settle, one final rent bill to be paid off and finalising what you'd want the state to do with the minimal things that you owned. You don't want anyone in your family, or a relative, to end up having to deal with anything important after the mess you're leaving them with.
You've heard from Jack too many times, after not asking about them once. Many selfies were sent, mostly of Lily but also some of Jack. So you eventually caved in for the occasional video call before bed, or a morning phone call at a ridiculous hour because you couldn't sleep and Lily wouldn't allow Jack to.
You don't know why you started bothering to check in on them too, willingly asking for photos, because you tried to detach yourself from the two of them as much as possible. That happiness you felt while holding Lily in your arms? You don't want to feel that again, anytime soon. You don't want to be reminded of what good is out there in the world, because it's too damn late for you to experience it.
Nothing was important to you anymore, so what was the point?
But your heart kept wishing for more of her, and, surprisingly, more of his company. You hoped for a phone call from him, asking you for help. Because helping him made you feel like you had a purpose in this life. And maybe, before leaving this earth, you could help just a tiny bit more.
Instead of waiting for the phone call, you picked up the phone to check in on them. Jack immediately invited you out for a coffee, and you eagerly accept.
You never thought that you'd see Jack Abbot standing with a baby strapped to his chest, but here you were, feeling yourself flush at the sight in front of you. He has always been undeniably handsome, but this? Wearing a white T-shirt, denim jeans and a tiny baby strapped to his chest?
Of course, you don't give him the satisfaction of knowing how happy you are at seeing the two of them. Your plan was to detach yourself from the unimportant, remember?
"Hi baby I've missed you." You coo at her in the baby carrier.
"Me too." Jack jokes and you giggle in response. "How are you? you okay?"
"I'm okay. Taking it a day by day."
"Wanna talk about it?" Jack asks.
"No it's okay. I don't like talking about...things."
"Shall we get a coffee and go for a walk?"
"Sure, I have nothing important to do so..."
"Me neither." A big, big lie. Jack has just ticked off step 2, because you asked if you could hold Lily on your chest on your walk.
You didn't put her down for the rest of the day. You indeed felt like you had a tiny purpose in this life, like you were someone important. And when the day almost ended, you offered for Jack to come back to your apartment for a while so he can catch up on rest while you watch Lily. He doesn't protest it of course, picks up plenty of snacks for the two of you on the drive over, and you don't protest it when they both spend the night over.
Step 3 - The beauty of everything
Your phone pings; a text message has come through.
Jack: Me and Lily are having a movie night, wanna come over?
You: She can barely open her eyes, Jack.
Jack: Okay I lied it’s just me watching a movie.
You: I’m busy
Jack: With what?
You: It’s rude to snoop.
Jack: Sorry.
Few minutes go by, thinking Jack had given up on his invite. But another message comes through.
Jack: I can order us sushi again?
You: I don’t fancy sushi.
Jack: What do you fancy instead?
You: Maybe pizza.
Jack: How about we get both?
You: Let me think about it.
Your plan was now delayed by a few more weeks, thanks to Jack and his constant phone calls and texts. You were truly tempted to call Dana yourself and tell her that someone else needs to step in and take over. Lily had a green poo? Jack texted to let you know. She had the whole bottle? He sent a photo of the empty bottle. Asked you if she should have another one. Lily wouldn’t stop crying? Jack texted you to ask what he should do or if you could go over. You’ve stayed over countless times now, crashing on the sofa next to Jack after yet another exhausting day of changing nappies and feeding.
This plan of yours? Was going to shit. The feeling of being unworthy had slowly started to disappear, and it terrified you. Because if you do not feel unworthy, then what will you feel instead?
You agree to go over to Jack's apartment and when you get there, it looks spotless and tidy, Lily is fast asleep in her cot, and Jack had set up the dining table with a hot dinner laid out.
"I thought this was a casual dinner?"
"It is?"
"Why do you have a movie screen set up?"
"Because it's movie night?"
"Jack, that's a cinema screen. It's taken over your entire apartment. I can practically see inside the guy's mouth on the screen."
"Its cozy!" He protests.
"It's...yeah okay. It looks nice."
A smile tugs on his lips, and you can't help but smile too. You hate to admit that he had set up the apartment to look incredibly cosy, comfortable and welcoming. You eat dinner with zero interruptions from Lily, and again, you hate to admit how much fun you've been having with him.
Later that evening, as you're curled up on the sofa, watching a movie on a ridiculously big screen, Jack brings Lily over to you after she starts fussing. "She has a new outfit on."
"Hi baby!" You excitedly open up your arms for her.
"I'll make a bottle."
"No" you murmur, "I want to feed her."
He sits on the couch next to you, "do you like her outfit?"
You adjust her on your lap, straighten her little top down, and read out: "I found my forever home."
Your heart immediately sinks, and you swallow what feels like a ball of glass. It hurts you more than you ever thought, that she is not going to be in your life any longer. It scares you that your reason for your survival up until this point, this tiny baby and her annoying dad, won't be your reason anymore. You manage a nod, pulling her closer to your chest, taking her scent in and her warmth.
"Sweetheart?" he says softly, putting one hand on your shoulder. "You okay there?"
"Mhm"
"C'mere" his arms wraps around your shoulder, pulling you both against his chest, "It's me, I'm adopting Lily."
"Seriously?" you look up at him with a worried look in your eyes, like he is about to tell you he is joking.
Jack nods eagerly. "I've always wanted a child, and I kept thinking the time isn't right. But there's no time like the present. And... she makes me happy. I look forward to her giggles, and smiles, and even the explosive poos, to be honest. And I don't want her to be with anyone else. She makes me want to live."
Jack's plan was to foster Lily for a short period of time and make you fall in love with life again. But along the way, he found himself incredibly happy to have a purpose again. And his purpose was being a dad to a beautiful little baby girl. "I didn't think I could love something so tiny, so much. But here we are."
You pull her closer to you, giggling softly at the excitement of being able to see more of Lily. And of Jack. Your mind also had forgotten about your plan, or the inability to see a future.
"I always knew you'd be a girl dad."
"Really?"
"Yeah!"
"So you don't think I'm making a mistake?"
"No! You look happy. There's a sparkle in your eye... it's beautiful."
"I am.. happy." He wishes that could be too. "I am happy to be here. With Lily. And you."
"Oh don't get too used to me..."
"But I already did. We love having you around."
You look up at him, head resting on his chest, "well you do always buy me food. Sushi in fact... not many guys would do that."
"Not many guys are me." Jack murmurs.
"That I agree with." Your lips tug into a soft smile; one of Jack's hands brushes through your hair softly. "Time for a feed then it's bedtime for all of us I guess."
"You're staying over?"
"I think Lily wants me to."
Jack chuckles, "She told me that too."
The relationship with Jack seemed to flow easily, like you two were meant to be in this dynamic. Him raising Lily, and you are there for her. As you sit on the couch feeding her, Jack hands you water and snacks, like he always does, and kisses the top of your head incredibly casually before heading to the guest bedroom to make your bed.
He hears you talk to her. You tell her how much you miss your baby. You tell her how much you wish things were different and how beautiful life can be. He tries his best not to cry when you start singing her a lullaby whilst crying. Jack doesn't want you to leave him, Lily or this earth, because not only he think everyone deserves their happy endings, but because Jack had loved you for a long time, with no intention of ever interfering with your life or plans. Not until he knew what you were actually intending to do.
His only intention is to really show you how beautiful everything can be, so you can stay with him.
Step 4 - Stay with me
"I need help" You can hear Lily crying in the background once you answer Jack's calls.
"With... what?"
"It's a shitty situation."
"Literally?"
"Covered in it."
You ask again. "Literally?"
"Please can you just-"
You grumble in response but agree to go over and help, and luckily for him, you weren't too far away. The door was already open when you approached his apartment, and you smelt the poo first before you saw it.
"Wow"
"Yep" Jack's holding Lily in his arms, who's screaming on the top of her lungs, covered in literal shit.
"Ran out of nappies?" you deadpan, and Jack doesn't find the humour in it.
"She shat in her cot, so I picked her up to change her and she shat on me. There's poo everywhere. The bed, sofa, cot and even the car seat. So i'm just.. carrying her"
"Hire a cleaner." Unfortunately for him, today you are in a bad mood. You have now finalised everything on your to-do list, except the final step. A small part of you sees a small insight into the future, but the much bigger part misses your baby boy. And you don't think you have the energy to fight your sad emotions.
"Funny." he deadpans back.
"So where am I needed?" you ask casually, ignoring the cries and walk over to his kitchen to drop off the groceries.
"Can you hold her? While I clean myself up and then clear somewhere I can put her down?"
You sigh in disappointment. Can he seriously not deal with shit?
“Let’s get you bathed baby, yeah?” You take her from him and head to his bathroom, leaving him to clean up the mess from a baby he chose to adopt.
But little to your knowledge was that Jack’s plan is working to perfection.
His pretended incompetence was purposeful and calculated, all so he could give you more time to change your mind. So he can make you fall in love again with life. He would wish you’d fall in love with him, but that was too much wishful thinking and even Jack knew it.
He heard you run her bath, how much you talked to Lily, and how you sang to her. He heard little screeches of happiness and your giggles in response. He never thought something good would come out of literal shit, but here you were.
“How are we doing in here?” He approaches Lily, who’s now fighting sleep in her warm bath, sitting on the top counter of his bathroom. “Are we sleepy?”
“She’s bathed and poo free. Unlike you.” You murmur and glance at Jack in the reflection of the mirror who’s watching you with a soft smile on his face.
“I’m gonna shower and freshen up, then you can leave if you want to?”
“Your dad’s kicking me out Lily, how rude.”
“No it’s just- oh it’s another joke.”
“Yes, it’s another one, Jack.” A familiar twist in your chest appears, something that often happened when you expected a snarky response back. But it doesn’t come.
“I like your jokes… I wish I heard them more often.”
“Yeah well…don’t get too attached.” You reply casually as you wash the last bit of soap of Lily.
“Are you still planning to go somewhere?”
“Something like that yeah..”
“Can we keep in touch?” He hands you a towel.
“That...” might be impossible unless you’re a psychic medium, “I’ll try.”
He doesn’t let go of the towel; instead, he grips it tighter, pulling you slightly toward him. His jaw tightens, and his nostrils flare. His plan? Is going to shit. Because you’re still planning on leaving.
The bathroom door clicks shut, leaving Jack inside. His mind's searching for another backup plan, one that needs to be implemented as soon as possible.
She’s fast asleep in your arms a few minutes later, so you quickly change her into something comfy and lower her into her cot. A loud crash from the bathroom interrupts your lullaby, followed by a lot of swearing coming from Jack.
“Jack?” You’re knocking on the door frantically until he responds with a quiet 'yeah'. “Can I come in?”
“Might wanna do it with your eyes closed.” He jokes but you’re well aware his tone is more hurt than teasing.
As you hesitantly walk in, you find him on the floor, leaning against the wall. Blood is gushing out of his forehead heavily, and he's in no state to stop his own bood, “shit, shit!”
He mumbles, “it’s not that bad.”
“Where’s your med kit!"
“In the car…”
“First aid box?”
“Don’t have one.”
“Are you kidding me!” You lower yourself next to him, grabbing a towel and pressing it against his forehead. He winces in pain, but it’s not the time to be gentle because his laceration is clearly deep. He sees you dial 911, mumbles something about not calling them but you of course, ignore him.
“Yeah, he’s conscious.” You explain, “bleeding’s not under control.”
“No I can’t take him to hospital myself.”
“Because he’s an amputee below the knee and I can’t carry him. I also have my baby-“ the words leave your lips far too quickly for your brain to register “- a baby is here that I can’t leave.”
Jack sees the moment your reaction changes into grief. The way your eyes meet his first for a brief second, then as you look away they become glossy. He reaches for your hand that’s pressing on his forehead, resting it on top of yours.
You hang up the phone, then turn your face toward him. “They might be a while. You need to stay awake.”
“Trying”
With your other hand, you start to support his sleepy head. “Otherwise I’ll get Lily to shit on your face.”
Jack chuckles, “do you think you can grab me something to wear? Don’t really fancy the paramedics seeing.. all of me.”
“Why, are you shy?” You tease him.
He shrugs, “Something like that.”
“Are you blushing right now!” You giggle and that was one of Jack’s favourite things about you. The way you’d giggle nervously like you’re about to get told off. It's genuine, soft, but contagious.
"Well... yeah!"
It was the first time you'd really seen through Jack. And not because he was naked, but because he was vulnerable, and he had never been this vulnerable before. You couldn't look away from his eyes as you sat on your knees, too close to him. Your thumb brushed gently against his jaw as you supported his head, and his hand moved over yours and joined it.
"Sweetheart?" Jack whispers.
It takes you a second to register that he's calling your name, "uh sorry yeah?"
"My clothes?"
"Shit! Sorry. I uh-" Jack chuckles to himself at how flustered you looked as you got off the floor and went off running.
A minute later you’re back with a change of clothes, carefully helping him into them, ignoring one: how incredibly muscly his body is, two: just how good-looking he is and three: the obvious *it's big*.
The paramedics arrived what felt like hours later, and of course, they knew who Jack was. You left them to get Lily changed to go to the hospital, and as you returned to the bathroom, Lily in your arms, Jack was stitching himself, with the paramedics next to him on the floor, one of them holding a mirror, and the other passing him supplies.
"Are you kidding me, Jack?"
"Dr Abbot, I didn't know you were married?" The paramedic, Bosco, checks you out. "Congratulations on the baby!"
"Oh no we're not-"
Jack murmurs casually, "I think we're almost done here, boys. Just leave us some supplies if you will?"
"You're seriously not going to hospital?"
"No..." he closes the last bit of cut carefully, the paramedic handing him a bandage. "There. Done."
"You're an idiot!" Your loud cry makes Lily cry too, and you storm back into the bedroom, shutting the door loud enough for all three men to hear.
"Your dad is so, so stupid." Her cries make you start to cry, and with every loud screech you sob harder, "I'm sorry I yelled. I'm really, really sorry."
Jack walks into the bedroom with guilt all over his face. "I'm sorry...." he says gently, "I-"
"Don't want to hear it." You're more upset that you care about him, more than you should. Because a few months ago, you cared about no one except your baby boy. Now you're in his bedroom, crying over his injury, scared for him, while holding his baby. You hadn't realised just how scary it was to see him injured. You played off casually, expecting him to get actual proper medical care. Except he's neglecting himself, and expecting you to stay here to help him.
He sits on the edge of the bed, setting the crutches to the side, gesturing for you to pass her over. But instead, you sit next to him, still holding onto her, still crying.
He shifts against the headboard. "let's have a lie down." Both of his hands come up slowly, guiding you backwards until you're lying against his chest, Lily still nestled in your arms, crying her lungs out.
Jack watches as you struggle to lift your top up for a feed, so he comes over your shoulder and holds it up for you. "I'm sorry." He murmurs against your ear, "for being stupid."
"Yeah- that was- stupid." You hiccup between tears, "That was so stupid not getting checked out- ugh why is she not latching!"
"Just giver her a sec"
"I hate that I'm yelling! I hate that I'm upsetting her!"
"Shhh, it's ok" Jack hums softly, his fingers gently trailing up and down your arm, "give her a second... there she goes."
The crying stops and turns into little blabbering noises. Jack feels you as you finally relax in his arms. "You're doing well."
"I don't want to be doing well, Jack. She's not mine to be doing anything."
"I'm sorry I keep dragging you into this." He's not sorry in the slightest.
"Why do you keep dragging me into this? Can't anyone else help?"
"I like you." Jack says softly, "I like your company. Lily loves you."
"Lily loves my boobs, that's all she knows." You like him too, and you are too scared to admit. That plan of yours? The one that's almost done? You don't want to go anywhere near it.
"Ehh.. well.. I can't comment" Jack chuckles, and you do too. "Do you want to spend the night with us?"
"You've given me no other option, remember?"
"Again, sorry about that." Jack's fall was not part of his plan, but the universe worked in his favour this time. And Jack didn’t mind a scar if it meant keeping you with him.
"How's the head?"
"Sore."
"I have no sympathy," you deadpan, and Jack laughs out loud, Lily flinching in response. "Shush, Jack."
He whispers, "Sorry."
You nestle yourself against him, taking in all his warmth, his chest rising gently, rocking you both gently.
"So are you gonna stay?" Jack asks softly. The meaning of his question is a lot deeper than the words. You don't reply; instead, you shift your head slightly, looking up at him.
"Please stay." His hand rests on your jaw, tilting it up toward him slightly. "With Lily and me."
"Why do you care so much?" you whisper at him.
"The heart doesn't choose who to love." he whispers back against your lips, "it simply just does."
His lips touch yours, kissing them softly and slowly. Your mind doesn't understand how you ended up in this situation, in Jack's bed, feeding his baby just after losing yours. Your body, however, seems to know what it needs; it needed Lily, your mind needs this little family, and your heart needs Jack.
"Yeah.. I might stay here for a little bit longer."
Jack thanks whatever lucky star had been shining over the three of you, and he pulls you closer to him.
The universe works in mysterious ways, beyond one's understanding or imagination.
Pope ends up with amnesia. He doesn’t remember a thing about his previous life. Once he’s awake from his coma, he’s a John Doe and given a leaflet to join the army to turn his life around after no one comes asking for him.
So he does. And surprisingly he’s good at handling guns. He then becomes a medic. Why? He’s good with blood, quick on his feet, fantastic in an emergency. He falls in love with the thrill of emergency medicine.
Then he meets you. Sweet, innocent, young, fragile. You suspect that he’s got PTSD from the war because of his nightmares, constantly yelling or crying in his sleep. Also mumbling another woman’s name in his sleep ‘Julia’. He also talks about a Smurf. A Craig too.
But it doesn’t matter because he loves you and you love him.
But who is it that never stopped looking for Pope?
hi :) if you are someone who sends requests,, please help me below. I’m once again overthinking things.
As much as I love them, and they inspire me so much, I found myself very anxious and overwhelmed about needing to get them done as soon as possible. I don’t know why, I think it might be a fear of not getting things done on time (blame my parents).
I’d like to open requests soon but I’m worried I’ll get anxious and then having to close them again 😓
If you send me a request in the meanwhile while they’re closed there’s a very small chance i might write it. Sorry 😔
how long typically do you expect a request to get written once you’ve sent it?
He’s overprotective because he knows just how anxious you get when you’re out with friends
He’s also overprotective because he knows once you’ve had a glass of wine or two, you become very friendly and think everyone has good intentions
You always find an excuse to not go out if he’s not going. But then once you’re out and had some wine? You’re a social butterfly. Always on the hunt for someone for your single friends.
So you two found a solution. He’d be in the same place at the same time, watching you for a distance, while you enjoy yourself. You’re at ease knowing he’s close, he’s at ease knowing you’re safe.
He never pressures you to go home, ever. He never interferes, even when you’re dancing on a table. (He’s well aware you’ve now reached the four glasses of wine stage)
Until one night a group of guys simply wouldn’t leave you or your friends alone. The ring on your finger doesn’t stop one of them from touching your shoulder. As for you? You just think the guy’s being nice and friendly.
Without warning, a hello or a goodbye, Jack swipes you off your feet, swinging you over the shoulder like a sack of potato and heads out of the bar.
Hey lovely!! Please could you possibly write something about Jack x reader with chronic cystitis/UTI pain? :)
Hiii thank you for the request! here you go my darling <3
Summary: Jack Abbot x g!n reader!barista. Reader has chronic UTIs, currently having a flare-up, and ends up in the ER.
Notes: No pronouns for reader. Expect medical inaccuracies - I went off the guidelines in my country. Please don't self-diagnose based on anything in this fic.
W.C 2k
@itsmycorneroftheinternet
The time was after 6pm and you only just realised that you haven’t had a sip of water since midday, or taken your prophylaxis antibiotics, and also haven’t been for a singular toilet break. One more hour until you get to go home, right? But the urge to literally run to the toilet came on all of a sudden, and you quickly mumbled something to your colleague and rushed off.
The dreaded pain. The sting. The sharp shooting pain that can’t be described on where it’s coming from or why. “No, no, no” your heart immediately sinks. This means it’s the start of long and painful road. A physically exhausting one too. “Not again.”
It doesn’t matter how much water you’re going to drink, or whether you’re taking your prophylaxis medications, you need an antibiotic prescription, ASAP.
The doctors office was long shut after trying to call them many times, so you opt for water, cranberry juice (knowing it will contribute to nothing) and well… hopes and prayers. By the time you walked back to the cafeteria, Jack was waiting by the counter for you. “Hey beautiful”
“Heyyy Jack” you force a smile you don’t quite feel because now you’re starting to feel nauseous, “same as always?”
“Sure.” His eyes follow you as you walk behind the counter, putting your apron on. “Forgetting something?”
You pay yourself down, looking at your body wondering what’s missing.
“Me!” He chuckles, “I was waiting for a kiss?”
“Oh shoot sorry!” You giggle, leaning over the counter for a peck. “It’s been a long day.”
“Not long to go now, are you gonna come see me after?”
“Sure I’ll pop by with some more coffee. Maybe a muffin or two.”
“That’s why I chose you.” He flirts.
“Just that?”
“Actually it’s a lot more than that.”
He waits for his coffee, eyes watching you as you work, then pays for it, leaving a generous tip. “Hey Jack, umm can you not look at me like that?”
“Like what?”
You lean in and whisper, “like I’m a snack.”
He leans in, whispering and matching your tone, “why has someone said something?”
“Yeah… some colleagues said that you look like you’re about to eat me.”
Jack chuckles, one hand cupping the back of your head to bring your face toward him, “I don’t think I can do that, sorry. You’re the best snack I’ve ever had.”
The next morning you wake up to a couple of messages from Jack, wondering why you didn’t come see him after your shift. By the time you closed up the cafe, your head was mushy, with a headache pulsating just around your temples. But you opted for an excuse about being too tired — it was much easier to say this than explain to someone you’re dating that you’re spiralling because of an infection.
The doctor’s office finally answered the phone.
“I don’t need to bring in a urine sample.”
“…”
“Because it’s a chronic UTI.”
“No, I know what the symptoms are.”
“I’ve done the dipstick at home. Positive leukocytes and nitrites.”
“No, it won’t matter if you send it to the lab.”
“Look just please-“ you sigh defeatedly.
“Okay if you just look at my file and read my notes-“
“If you just let me finish- thank you. Please look at my file-“ *arghhh*
“Yes. That type of antibiotic is fine. Thank you.” *finally*
You hang up, “finally! More questions than the frickin CIA!”
You chug a load more water, avoid running to the toilet because you just know nothing's gonna come out except pain and discomfort, and head over to the pharmacy to pick up the meds.
Tap tap tap tap tap.
Someone’s annoyingly tapping on the counter at the cafe and you are so close to throwing a cup of coffee in their face. They clear their throat. With the most evil look you turn slowly to look at who it is.
“Jack! Oh my god I’m sorry!” You quickly set down the jug of milk and rush over to him, “I was deep in thought”
“You looked like you’re about to.. never mind.”
“Sorry” you murmur, “bad day.”
“How are you feeling?” He presses his lips against your cheeks and you feel like you might just about be able to get through your illness.
“Me?” A quick lie would save everyone the trouble, “I’m fine, just getting on with things…”
“You sure?” He can see right through your bluff. “Because you keep rubbing your back like you’re in pain.”
“Oh it’s… playing up recently.” You brush it off causally. The UTI has now most certainly infected your kidneys. “The usual?”
“Yes please sweetheart.”
To the best of your abilities, you try to hide the fact that you’re about to pass out as you prep Jack’s coffee. He watches as you move, how calculated it is, how deeply you inhale like you’re trying to increase oxygen flow to your brain. And generally how tired you are. By the time his coffee is ready, you throw in a cupcake for him, and kiss him goodbye.
He asks again just before leaving if you are feeling fine. You answer the same, “sure yes.”
Years of battling a chronic illness that many people simply brush off, or gaslight you into thinking that it can’t be that bad, had taught you to simply not share any.
Doctors have made you believe that the illness is all in your head. Some doctors even suggested that the way you’d been wiping is wrong. Or, that you’re not pissing straight after sex. Maybe your partner had given you something? Or that you’d not been drinking enough water. Every doctor requested yet another STI test.
The many ‘provoked' ideas they threw at you didn’t even apply to you as a person. But they still suggested it anyway.
Not many doctors actually thought about the fact that your bladder simply harvests bacteria, at no fault of your own? That your illness does not need a cause? That it simply just… happens?
So after years of battling, and advocating for yourself, you finally got your diagnosis. But at what cost? Because you’re still suffering.
So yes, it was much easier to simply brush off the illness as nothing, instead of accepting advice from someone. Even if that includes Jack, the guy you like so incredibly much.
Jack had been clock watching again, waiting for your shift to end, hoping you’d come down to see him. He never anticipated that you’d be supported on either side by your colleagues, your limp body being dragged into the ER. He doesn’t remember what the person helped you said, but Jack remembers yelling at anyone and everyone to get you into a room. It all passed in a hazy blur as he tried to take control of the situation, until Shen finally stepped in and took over the case.
Jack felt the pressure ease just a tiny bit, knowing he could be with you and not work on you. “Sweetheart i need you to stay awake. I know you’re feeling tired.”
“I’ll try” you whisper.
“We’ve done bloods, just about to scan your abdomen. Your colleague said you had cramps?”
“I have chronic UTIs” your hands cover your eyes as you start to sob. You think to yourself, pathetic, crying over a UTI, but it was much more than that. “I think it’s spread to my kidneys.”
“Hence the back pain.” Jack mutters anxiously. “What are you taking for it?”
“Prophylaxis is trimethoprim” you hate how much you’re crying over how many people are in this room working on you, “but I have an actual flare up of the chronic UTI- does that make sense please tell me what makes sense?”
He assure you, “of course it does. What are you taking for that?”
“Nothing. The pharmacy refused to refill the prescription because the insurance wouldn’t pay for it.”
You see the moment is reaction changes into pure rage. His jaw tightens, his lips press together, and he looks away from you. He’s well aware that this healthcare system that he works for, that tries to save people’s lives, has failed the one person he cares about.
Jack looks up from you toward Shen, shaking his head in disappointment. “Start on Cefuroxime?”
“Already one step ahead of you. Need to get the temperature under control too.” Shen answers.
“I’m sorry- im really sorry”
“Nothing to be sorry about.” He wipes the tears away, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead, “we’ll sort your prescription, but for now let’s get you all the meds so you don’t go-“
“Septic, I know”
“We won’t get to it, I promise.”
The sound of your cries fill the room, breaking Jack’s heart one cry at a time. It’s the sound of someone who’s too tired of dealing with an exhausting illness, a misunderstood illness and more importantly, someone who simply wants to feel okay. Or normal as someone without a chronic illness, would say.
The pain meds start to ease the pain away slowly, the ache in your belly is still there but it doesn’t feel so tiring, the urge to urinate nothing will never go away, and the back pain is pretty much still there. But you feel somewhat better, as in, you don’t feel like collapsing anytime soon.
Jack stays with you the whole time, never letting go of your hand, watching your vitals on the screen, assessing and reassessing your sepsis score.
“Jack?” You whisper at him but he’s fixated on the screen. He hasn’t blinked in 2 whole minutes. “Jack look at me?”
It takes for you to tap his hand a few times for him to break eye contact, eventually moving his gaze onto yours. “Sorry did you say something?”
“I feel a bit better now.”
He smiles softly, “that’s good to hear.”
“What’s on your mind?”
He hums, holding back what’s truly on his mind.
“Cmon you can tell me.” You prepare yourself for the speech: it’s a UTI, it’s no big deal, why didn’t you drink more water, why haven’t you taken your meds, are you sure you’ve not missed any days…
“I’m.. a bit frustrated. Maybe that’s a strong word. Maybe disappointed? No that makes it sound…”
“Jack” you cut in, “talk to me.” He’s frustrated with you?
“Why didn’t you come to me? When you didn’t get your meds? I could have helped you. I would have got them for you…” Oh. Most people wouldn’t say that.
“I thought it’s not fair to tell the guy I’ve been dating for a few months that I can’t afford my meds…”
“Huh.” That same disappointing look you anticipated is now all over his face. You move your hand away from his but he quickly pulls it back. “So you think I’m just a guy you’ve been dating?”
“No but..” your mind is confused.
“Sweetheart I like you, a lot. And not because of the great coffee you make, or the free muffins you’re always giving me, or because I like to eat you like a snack." He chuckles and you do too. "I like you because of you. I like you because you’re sweet and kind, and you like an old man like me.”
“I like you too Jack”
“But next time something like this happens you come to me. Because I don’t ever want you to get to this stage, ever. The thought of you going septic under my watch terrifies me.”
“I know..” you try and reassure him, “it was never gonna get to that.”
“But it could have.. and I can’t afford to lose you because I really, really like you.”
“So you don’t think the UTI was provoked?”
“Who the hell even thinks about that!”
“You’d be surprised…”
“I don’t care if it’s provoked or not. I care that you take care of yourself. And when you can’t… I’ll do it. I want to do it.”
To think that someone actually wants to take care of you, willingly, is a privilege you have not yet experienced.
“Okay” you nod eagerly, “okay sounds like a plan.”
“I also have one more question…” he leans in closer to your face, “can you not refer to me as the guy you’ve been dating?”
A small unexpected giggle comes out, “should I call you my boyfriend or something?”
He kisses you once, “yeah” then again, “boyfriend” and again, “or something”, and again, “and I’ll just call you mine.”
Today I’m thinking of reader’s home. It’s loud, chaotic, dirty, cluttered, with parents that seem to hate each other yet stick together.
I’m thinking you’re away for the weekend with everyone from the Pitt. The calmness you experience that weekend is bizarre. The house you’re in is clean and the bed sheets are all white.
You fall asleep on a random chair at 7 o’clock in the evening, catching up on rest you don’t get at home. Robby wakes you up gently, “go to bed. First room upstairs to the left.”
Zero protests as drag your tired body upstairs, and collapse in bed. The bed sheets are soft, and the duvet covers you like a cloud so it doesn’t take you long to fall back asleep. Later that night, you feel the mattress sink at the weight of someone. “Huh?”
The bedside lamp comes on so quickly once they heat you mumble. “Uh what are you doing in my bed?”
“Dr Abbot?” You shift off the bed quickly; he’s not quick enough to catch you as you hit the floor. “Robby said first room to the left!”
“This is first to the right.” He puts his hand out to help you out.
“I’m so sorry!!!”
“Wait-“ you run out of the room in embarrassment before you hear what he has to say. The first room to the left is occupied. He’s already behind you, “I was gonna say there’s someone in there.”
“I’ll sleep on the chair downstairs.”
“No, you won’t”
“It’s comfy.”
“It’s a chair.”
“It’s clean and quiet.” He wonders what you mean by that.
“It’s not a bed.” He’s not given you much options. “There’s a bed in my room.”
“Your bed.”
“A clean and quiet bed.”
You giggle at the way he tilts his head playfully, a small smile tugging at his lips, “Okay.”
“I promise I won’t cuddle. I’ll keep my distance.” He jokes as he heads back to the room and you follow.
“That’s a shame.” You tease him.
Later that night, he breaks his promise, and you don’t protest his strong and warm arms around your waist. You don’t protest the way his chest rising and falling rocks against you gently. Or the way his face is pressed against the back of your head. Or how naturally your legs tangle with his.
You don’t protest it when he asks what you meant by ‘clean and quiet’ the next morning. You don’t protest when he asks you more questions, curious to know more.
He doesn’t protest when you stay curled up against him, or when you brush his morning curls with your fingers. He doesn’t protest when you ask him if you can stay in his bed a little bit longer.
You don’t protest when he asks if he can stay with you. Or when he pulls you against him, pressing a kiss to your temples.
Do either of you protest it when your lips meet each others?
No, neither protest as you stay in bed till midday, simply lost in each other’s lips.
And finally, you don’t protest when he offers you a clean and quiet bed in his apartment.
You’re at a bar, had way too many to drink, surrounded by everyone from the dayshift. Tonight is your ‘farewell party’ before you’re moved to the night shift, or really, just an excuse to get drunk. Everyone’s challenging each other to shots and tricks, somehow you end you with your hands behind your back, Jesse standing behind you closely, pinning them in place. And the other hand? It’s on your head.
He bends you down to the table to pick up a shot.
It seals perfectly around your lips.
He pulls you back up and you take the shot perfectly.
People cheer for a split second, before heads start to move away from you. They’re now looking at someone standing next to you.
Your new attending. Your boss. Jack Abbot.
He has now seen you in a pose that is usually only done in the bedroom. As far as he knows.
“Don’t stop on my behalf.” He chuckles.
“Oh we won’t.” You swipe a shot off the table, then press it to his lips. “How hard do you party, boss?”
He takes the shot. Then another. And another.
The first thing you feel the next morning is silky smooth bed sheets against your skin. Then you feel warmth. You’re curled up next to this warmth.
The warmth is heavy and big. You move away, it follows. Until you’re out of bed, screaming in horror.
One naked Jack Abbot is in bed. His bed. He’s looking back at you with the same expression you feel in your chest.
you know I could talk about childhood trauma all day
because wdym I’m anxious about a long drive ahead to see my best friends, but I’m too anxious about telling them I’m anxious about driving because they might think less of me
and that’s on the way children were raised on the basis that they’re not good enough
You’re at a bar, had way too many to drink, surrounded by everyone from the dayshift. Tonight is your ‘farewell party’ before you’re moved to the night shift, or really, just an excuse to get drunk. Everyone’s challenging each other to shots and tricks, somehow you end you with your hands behind your back, Jesse standing behind you closely, pinning them in place. And the other hand? It’s on your head.
He bends you down to the table to pick up a shot.
It seals perfectly around your lips.
He pulls you back up and you take the shot perfectly.
People cheer for a split second, before heads start to move away from you. They’re now looking at someone standing next to you.
Your new attending. Your boss. Jack Abbot.
He has now seen you in a pose that is usually only done in the bedroom. As far as he knows.
“Don’t stop on my behalf.” He chuckles.
“Oh we won’t.” You swipe a shot off the table, then press it to his lips. “How hard do you party, boss?”
He takes the shot. Then another. And another.
The first thing you feel the next morning is silky smooth bed sheets against your skin. Then you feel warmth. You’re curled up next to this warmth.
The warmth is heavy and big. You move away, it follows. Until you’re out of bed, screaming in horror.
One naked Jack Abbot is in bed. His bed. He’s looking back at you with the same expression you feel in your chest.
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