What kind of answer could he expect? Nothing. He couldn’t expect anything from the other. Half of him didn’t even think the demon would answer, that he would just let it go and move onto something else. So when the silence fell upon them once more, he sucked in a deep breath and did his best to keep himself calm. But it was an important question ( one of many to be honest ) and it was one that had plagued him for many years, especially that night.
Many liked to compare werewolves to the common domesticated dog, that they shared similarities and they did. Matt had witnessed it that night for the first time with how he paced the floor in front of the front door, how he waited near the window, how he ran to look outside every time a car turned down their road. All of it because he was afraid Mason wouldn’t come home, that something would happen to him. The former came true and the latter, well, he hoped something would happen to him as hateful of a thought it was.
The ice in his glass was beginning to melt from the warmth of his hand, but he didn’t care. He didn’t dare move out of fear that the other wouldn’t answer him, that he would startle the other man if he did anything or said anything. So there he sat, listening to the deafening silence that surrounded them. Except for their hearts beating steadily in their chests until Mason’s wasn’t anymore. The sudden spike in heart rate was enough to pull his brows together, furrowing as he listened to it. He swallowed thickly as he did so, wondering what if but not allowing himself to look at the other, fearful of seeing that mask once more.
So his head remained downwards, neck stiffening up as he got lost in his thoughts, waiting for an answer. The ever feeling of mixed emotions continued to swirl around within him the longer the silence lasted and Mason’s quickened heart rate continued, the wolf grew more agitated, finally looking up when he heard the other begin to speak. He was met with that same controlled and stoic look on his face, but it wasn’t the worse thing.
No, what was worse was the forced answer that came from his lips ( lips that he had dreamed of kissing again, tasting, feeling against his own and more ) and it pulled at something. With more force than what was necessary, he all but slammed the glass on the table before he stood. There wasn’t enough space between them, he thought as he turned and walked away.
“Anywhere but h-home,” he finished for the other, a deep growl leaving him this time as he looked to the demon, eyes no longer their radiant blue color but instead the burning gold of the wolves. “Do you know how long I waited for you to come back!” he snapped, no longer able to bite his tongue. “Of course not! Because you never came back. You fucked off to New York! Europe! Anywhere that I wasn’t because, naturally, you didn’t give a damn!” his words echoed and carried in the room, jaw clenching as he stared at the other male, pacing the floor.
@lunatempus | verse; never too late | title; there’s still good in you (Mason & Matt)
The outburst didn’t surprise him. He expected it, after all. Nor the slamming glass—which now sported a hairline crack, beads of liquid escaping through it. Even the standing, the pacing, the anger—it was as Mason had predicted. The eyes, however, having turned golden caught him. Control had been a struggle for Matt back then. The years, he’d hoped, might have given him more experience in keeping the wolf from overtaking him. Uncertain of Matt’s willpower and control now—a fact that he regretted, immensely—Mason stood slowly from his seat. His eyes remained fixed on the werewolf.
The last time, the very last time, they’d had an argument of this magnitude was the night he left. The memories were as fresh now as if they’d happened only days ago. Put on edge by Matt’s anger and the growling, he readied himself should he try to fight him, lash out at him physically. He wouldn’t fight back, he wouldn’t hurt him. Even now, he kept his magic well contained. He’d used it before on him. Only once, but that had been enough to stay his hand and his impulses. There’d be no magic here. And if Matt hurt him? Well, he deserved it. There was no denying that.
It was words that cut him now, not tooth or claw. They cut deeper than any blade, but what welled up from it wasn’t blood but regret.
Facing him, Mason spoke in a quiet voice. “Je me suis toujours soucié. Je le fais encore.” I always cared. I still do. “You talk of things you do not understand. Of why I went away.” He thought of a certain letter that he’d written—a letter he’d never sent, stuffed angrily away, but full of the words that said what he could not then. Or now. “Tu étais ma maison. Et j'étais perdu de toi.” You were my home. And I was lost from you. “I had to leave. And every moment of it—”
Mason cut himself off, laughing sharply, teeth showing in his humorless smile. “Every moment of it agony. Every moment—” His heart had spiked again. He could feel the blood rushing, pulsing, power along with it and he took a deep breath to steady himself, to grab hold of what composure remained. “You do not know.”
He took in another breath but it did not help this time. It was spiteful, he knew, to throw his words at Matt when he didn’t understand them. It was the only way he could say them, and better if they were heard and not understood, than understood and shunned. Though he’d taught him a little French in the time they were together, he wouldn’t know the words he gave him now, words he spoke under his breath, cutting his eyes away from him for only a second.
“Je voulais seulement te protéger. Te sauver. Du monstre que je suis.” I only wanted to protect you. To save you. From the monster that I am.
“Be angry with me,” he told him, looking back with an intense stare he didn’t dare break this time. “Hate me, if you will, but do not claim you know about me.”
Time continued to go on but somethings never did change. However, there had been some attempt of gaining better control of his wolf, so that his emotions didn’t win out all the time. But right now, the abrupt outburst, it was mild in comparison of what he could have done to the other. to sit there and to continue to listen to Mason’ heart increase or spike at certain points while his face was unmoving, it was torture for the wolf. The way his mind race as it tried to discern what it all meant, if it meant anything at all.
Gold eyes watched the demon move from his chair, nostrils flared as he breathed, hands balled up into fists. Matt was trying to calm himself, he was truly, but this was a moment that they should have had right after the other had left. Not some sixty years after the fact. It had been too long and too much time for the wolf to stew in his anger, resentment, and overall sadness had all taken over him. Even when he thought of the demon, the good memories were tainted and a bitter taste was left in his mouth.
“Because you left! You didn’t talk to me!” he replied, teeth bared before he turned away from him. His eyes screwed tightly shut as he pressed balled up hands to his temples; Calm down, you need to calm...down... It was a mantra that fell upon deaf ears, but Masons’ words did not. They brought confusion to the mix, more mixed signals as he couldn’t understand why he would leave and stay gone if it brought him agony. Bottom lip quivered as he fought the tears that threatened to fall. “What about my agony, Mason? What about me?” he whispered, shaking his head as he roughly wiped at his face as he listened to the French, hating how he hadn’t learned it so he could know what he was saying.
“That’s not fair,” he snapped, turning to face him once more, “you know I don’t understand and that’s not fair!” He sounded like a child being told no, but he was in the right unlike a spoiled child. Some words he had understood or they at least sounded familiar, but he was too much in his own mind that he couldn’t figure it out. Part of him didn’t want to figure it out, fear of what Mason was really saying to him, if it was hurtful or simply nothing at all. All he did know, was that his irritation was growing which was making the wolf more present despite his efforts to fight it.
A humorless laugh of his own left him as he shook his head, taking a step towards the demon until he was a foot away. “I used to know you because you let me in then,” he hissed, letting out a shaky breath before he was breathing in to steady himself ( all he could smell was Mason and once upon a time, that would have done the trick. ) A momentary pause before he continued, “But I do hate you. An-and it kills me to think that I could ever be capable of hating you of all people.”