“shit my friends have said” ask meme
“that’s a really sad thing to be glad about.”
“i debated climbing out of the window and fighting them but i wasn’t wearing pants.”
“it’s like i’m awash in the most godawful, atrociously-coloured sea possible.“
“the only plus today is that the beer someone spilled in the hallway is less sticky now.”
“hey, you there? i’m stuck in the elevator with a bunch of drunk british people.”
“for a second i was afraid i joined a cult.”
“yeah so this morning i’m pretty sure I almost got kidnapped, but I didn’t, so it’s all good”
“the ominous chanting is going on again, but this time i think it’s both of our neighbours”
“sorry for staring blankly at you for a while.”
“I haven’t slept in a while so I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“what language are you whispering in, sorry?”
“why didn’t you turn the microwave OFF when it started catching fire?!”
“god he’s just… so stupid.”
“some chose books but you chose looks. that’s okay.”
“i bought some magnetic letters so we could write vulgarities on the fridge. you’re welcome.”
“make your bathroom look more like a disco.”
“why is the blender covered in butter?”
“please don’t talk about my kitchen disasters to others.”
“tell them about the flesh eating beetles!”
“i don’t really know what to do. i only know how to fry rice.”
“I just walked passed a group of dudes and i’m afraid they’re going to start a blood ritual”
“let’s go leave a nasty passive aggressive note on their door.”
“i stared at them long enough that i think they’re afraid of me now.”
“my career aspirations are only to become a painfully-average-looking trophy spouse.”
“I spent most of last night eavesdropping.”
“how many people must i arm wrestle to earn your love?” “
you useless wizardfucker!”
“doing anything to anyone else is lewd. you want to hold someone’s hand? lewd.”
“i think you’d make a wonderful lightbulb.”
“i didnt send you a nude to seduce you i sent it so you would know.”
“can you stop laughing over bad jokes for ten seconds please.”
“ill paint you some nice ms paint mouse drawings of your friends in lingerie.”
“please change my name in your contacts to sexykittytitties.”
vaporwave
kianamaiart
romaincrisis
yousharknotpass
gracieabrams
