/11-22
one day,
not only a cup of coffee, but two
not only one place, but 3
not only one hour of talks, but 6
not only one laugh, but a whole day is full of laughter
from 11 to 22,
i don’t remember what’s Anxiety feels like.

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@lunette-eloquance
/11-22
one day,
not only a cup of coffee, but two
not only one place, but 3
not only one hour of talks, but 6
not only one laugh, but a whole day is full of laughter
from 11 to 22,
i don’t remember what’s Anxiety feels like.
“I don't drink coffee to wake up. I wake up to drink coffee.”
Self sabotage When someone trying to get close to me, I will immediately start to feel suffocated. I need to find something wrong with you so you don't get too close even I want you to get close. Part of me doesn't want to be vulnerable, because vulnerability means being exposed. It's a feeling of if you really get to know me you might abandon me. There is still those sort of traces from childhood that have that voice that say ' If I really let you in and you actually get to know me you might abandon me'. So what I need to do , I need to find a way to get in there first and abandon you before you abandon me.
We want people to act as we wish , but reality teaches that people have their own will : their behavior is not up to us. We can influence them, but ultimately, they'll say what they say and do what they do, how irrational and stupid their actions may seem.
philosophy of stoicism
/T_T
Have you ever cried so hard only to make yourself feel better? I just did.
Even though you chose to walk away, it doesn't mean that i was abandoned. I could choose to walk the other way too.
The Nectar of Pain by Najwa Zebian
I had written my words so they wouldn't show through my eyes
The Nectar of Pain by Najwa Zebian
/menyerah saja
Kadang,
Kata tidak bisa lagi menyentuh hati.
Pujian tidak bisa lagi meluluhkan benci.
Penyesalan tidak bisa lagi membuka kesempatan.
Tangis tidak bisa lagi menguatkan.
Sudahlah,
Kadang kita memang harus menyerah,
bukan untuk menyentuh hati,
bukan untuk meluluhkan benci,
bukan untuk membuka kesempatan,
bukan untuk menguatkan diri.
Tapi untuk menenangkan batin.
/used to it
I never got used to it.
feeling abandoned..
rejected..
feeling left behind..
forgotten..
i miss you,
while i shouldn’t.
i’m not afraid to fall,
i’m afraid of drowning.
at least, im trying to be less selfish ;p
/hurt yourself
Don’t try to falling in love again,
you know exactly how it feels like when you fall.
It’s not them that will hurt you,
that’s you who always hurt yourself when you’re in love.
/sulit
Belajar untuk mengenali diri sendiri itu ternyata sulit.
Mencari tahu mana yang tidak kita sukai, mana yang membuat kita kecewa, mana yang membuat kita sedih.
Belajar untuk menghadapi itu semua ternyata lebih sulit.
Mencari tahu bagaimana kita harus bereaksi dengan orang yang tidak menyukai kita, bagaimana untuk tidak berekspektasi tinggi , bagaimana cara kita untuk menghibur diri kita sendiri.
Sulit.
/lagi
Jelas sekali terbayang rasa penyesalan yang akan timbul,
bahkan sebelum aku membuat keputusan.
Rasanya bukan hanya ada dua, tiga, empat argumen di kepala.
“coba saja”
“tak apa bila gagal”
“mungkin kali ini akan lebih baik”
“mungkin rasanya bisa berkali kali lebih sakit dari sebelumnya”
“mungkin akhirnya kamu telah menemukan apa yang kamu cari”
“akankah akhirnya sama dengan yang sebelumnya atau mungkin lebih buruk?”
“aku tak akan pernah cukup untuknya”
“seharusnya kamu tidak pernah mengambil resiko lagi”
dan akhirnya
“kamu akan menyesal, LAGI”
Listen to Tutur Batin by Yura Yunita on Apple Music. 2021. Duration: 3:35
Aku tak sempurna Tak perlu sempurna Akan kurayakan apa adanya...
/konsekuensi
pertanyaan yang sama,
akankah semuanya sama pada akhirnya?
akankah Aku selalu menjadi sama pada akhirnya?
berani memulai, belum cukup untuk membuktikan kalau aku berani untuk menerima konsekuensinya.