if i look back, i am lost
Kiana Khansmith
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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Keni
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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Xuebing Du
ellievsbear
we're not kids anymore.
i don't do bad sauce passes
Origami Around
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@polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup
Now you see, this is the kind of nonsense I imagine Shane getting up to if his stick breaks or gets knocked out of his hands.
Most players: “Oh no! My stick is gone, I lost the puck!”
Shane Hollander the Monster That He Is: “Look Mom, no hands!”
honestly i'm still thinking about how "by skittles" definitely becomes an internet meme, quoted endlessly in posts and retweets of celebs people think are gay, to the point where most people eventually forget where it even came from and think it's just a fun little joke about the rainbow, and the people who do remember are like "haha isn't our shane soooo funny i love him" with zero thought
Shane Hollander being a bitch in the family groupchat has materially changed skittles’ public image and the entire pr team is in TEARS
the unbiased consensus is that one of these snubs was inexcusable
it’s actually so blatant
there’s seriously no excuse for this
I love tumblr because somehow I can end up being mutuals with a celebrity (someone that wrote a fic that I loved)
free my girl she did all that and that’s what makes her such a compellingly complex character. that’s her essence
Hi!!! Are there masterposts to access your commentary on all your AUs? I've lowk been reblogging like crazy but if there was one masterpost it would be way easier and your analysis is amazing?? Like geniunely you should write an essay on everything HR fans are missing about hockey culture because I'm learning so much from your blog and it reframes Shane in a whole new light. Like I'm from California and don't give a shit about organized sports in general I had no idea hockey was that insane in Canada?? Point being I want to know more about the summer crash out AU and can't find it and already reblogged the masterpost for the Sochi AU and would love something similar for snapping birches if possible no pressure ofc!!
Hi! I unfortunately do not make masterposts for my AUs. I try to tag “snapping birch” on everything dealing with snapping birch, but other than that, there’s no centralized post with everything.
While I do not have my own masterpost for the child star crashout summer au, the incomparable @triassictriserratops has been a hero of the fucking ages and compiled one, which you can find here.
liking a ship but disliking the distinct set of stock fanon that they have been assigned is like one of those punishments dante came up with when he wrote the worldbuilding for hell in inferno
Forever thinking about “Boston is nice too?” and wanting to throw up about it. Just sitting on the floor of a gym across from the stranger who would be the Shane of his existence like.
I am so far away from home. I am so afraid but I cannot show it. I’m going to be all on my own out there and people are not kind to me. I’ve always been alone, but never this kind of alone before. I don’t really know you, but you seemed kind. And earnest. You would not lie to me. Is it safe? Will I be happy there and safe? Boston is nice too?
Ougghhhhgg. My brave little bug I’mgping to be sick
The evil was deafeated! No c*rt*r h*rt engraved on the cup
LETS FUCKING GO
Somewhere in sochi au a teenage Joseph Bainbridge is like. Going through several confusing sexuality crisis about whether it is or isn't gay to want to bang Shane Hollander
pssssshhhhhhh minor oc Joseph Bainbridge gets to universe hop across the fics I’m obsessed
I've been thinking about Rose Landry fans in your Child Star Crash Out AU so have some in-universe memes written by her fans
RECOGNITION FOR MY GIRL I LOVE THEM
one of my favourite things about the sochi au is that 100% they both think that they have trapped the other person. they are both absolutely convinced for a While that, given the chance, the other person would NOT be doing this, like "he would be better with Literally Anyone Else, oh no i am such a terrible awful person for shackling this man to me and for secretly kind of enjoying that he is shackled to me because i like him, which makes me even worse!!!!"
also if jj and hayden are in Crisis, how are the bears taking it? because personally i'm imagining marlow tweeting about "oh hell yeah brother this makes so much sense!!! of course your montreal jane is hollander!" because his boy deserves only the best. his tweets about this and how the best is obviously Hockey Superstar And Noted Model, Shane Hollander go viral.
In the immediate aftermath of this, the Boston Raiders try to I Am Spartacus their boy’s sexuality. It goes. Poorly.
Fundamentally, the issue is that they just get in front of a camera and let Cliff Marleau speak for them without first planning what they’re going to say.
The thing is, they are made immediately aware of the fact that Ilya Rozanov being gay in Russia endangers #theirboy’s continued existence and also his ability to return to their muscular embrace. They cannot abide by this. Free their man.
They decide to take the hard stance that Ilya Rozanov is NOT gay. They are aware that there is video proof that he shoved Shane Hollander against a wall and then also his tongue down Shane Hollander’s throat. It was NOT in a gay kind of way. How. How could that not be in a gay kind of way. Well. You see. That’s because it was Shane Hollander. It is NOT gay if it’s for Shane Hollander. You DO NOT have to be gay to be down for Shane Hollander. That is still a totally straight experience. They’ve all thought about it. All of them. Isn’t. Isn’t that right boys?
The Boston Raiders feel this is a large demand to ask of their brotherhood but are willing to commit nevertheless. They. They sure have thought of that. All. All of them. They’ve all thought about shoving Shane Hollander against the wall and kissing him with tongue. And that’s a normal, straight person experience. The whole NHL thinks that, even.
If, if anything, it’s their fault the kiss happened. Because Ilya does not want to kiss Shane Hollander. He wants to kiss Shane Hollander the least out of all of them, because. Rivals. But he, he was obviously drunk as shit when this happened, and they’ve. Talked.
About it.
Around him.
They. They totally talk about wanting to take Shane Hollander manfully against a wall to and around Ilya. They do that all the time. And Ilya is not into it. Because he is straight and. Rivalry. They, the Boston Raiders, they just. Talked about wanting to kiss and. Do other things. To Shane Hollander so, so much around Ilya that it. It just totally confused his drunken mind. Maybe one of them even dared him to do it. Carmichael thinks that maybe. Maybe he can remember daring him to do that.
Anyway uh. If there’s anyone who’s gay for Shane Hollander, it’s, it’s them, and not Ilya Rozanov, who is 100% straight. So uh. Shane Hollander if you’re ever, ever thinking about exploring some things about yourself, maybe. Give the Boston Raiders a call. They’re. They’re ready for you, stallion. But uh. Not Ilya Rozanov. Because he is straight.
Free their man.
Thank you for your time.
This does not fucking help quell the international attention suddenly focused on them. It does not fucking do that at all. The Boston Raiders announcing that Shane Hollander is a source of shared and lustful fixation for the entire team bar Ilya Rozanov, who is straight, is televised in more than 30 countries.
Shane and Ilya see this several hours after it happens when they’ve fully committed to the narrative that they’re in gay love with each other and have finally managed to battle their way into the Canadian embassy. And it’s just.
Shane: *face buried in his own hands*
Ilya: those fucking idiots
And yessss, that’s the entire dynamic that underpins the agony of this fic. They both feel like they’ve trapped the other. They both want a relationship and they feel so, so guilty about that fact because the other person doesn’t actually was them, they’re just trapped with no other options because of what the other did. Ilya feels the guilt of being the person whose benefit this was for. Shane feels the guilt of the person who actually committed them to this narrative. And they both think the other would rather be with anyone else. It’s agony.
In every universe ❤️
Hi I'm thinking about JJ and Hayden in the Sochi Outing AU and how different their roles would DEFINITELY be, right?
Because JJ is literally Shane's roommate at the Olympics, also playing for Team Canada, there are international reporters sticking microphones in his face for a quote IMMEDIATELY, he's gotta publically be a ride-or-die and he's gotta be one now
Meanwhile Hayden is safe at home with Jackie & the twins, and obviously he calls Shane the second Shane's back on Canadian soil to let him know he's his best friend no matter what, even questionable taste in men, and Shane's like "thanks for the support man love you too but uhhh you should not be seen in public with me except at the rink for a very long while because there are crazy people and Russian assassins and crazy Russian assassins who definitely want me dead, and I don't want to share any of that attention with you or Jackie or the kids"
The dynamics would be sooo different in the Sochi Outing AU.
In my mind, J.J. locks the fuck in early, hard, and fast. Like does he love this relationship? Absolutely not. Did he sort of assume that Ilya had just forced a kiss on Shane during Vegas and Shane was faking an entire gay romance to get this asshole out of Russia alive because he was Just That Good Of A Person until Shane accidentally drops the lore to him that they do in fact have biblical knowledge of one another? Yes. Does he think Shane can do better?
Unequivocally.
But that is his fucking boy and J.J. is NOT leaving him in Russia. Shane isn’t leaving without Ilya? Well J.J. isn’t leaving without Shane so Canada’s about to have two Olympians who play for the team with the least normal fanbase (affectionate) on the entire fucking continent die in Russian immigration detention unless this shit gets figured out. Your move, diplomats.
The diplomats really need all of their Olympians to shut the fuck up while they sort this. But they. Are not doing this. It’s just:
J.J., did not get a chance to figure out a story with Shane in advance, has decided the move is to vaguely imply that he Knew The Whole Time without directly confirming either way: *struggling to keep a straight face* it has been the honor of my life to see their love blossom
Carter “Ally” Vaughn, has very suddenly discovered his allyship demands more than just like. Going to watch men’s figure skating: you know when I, when I see them together, I believe in love
J.J., fighting his own gag reflex: the magnetism between them is just. Undeniable.
Scott Hunter, has had WWII air raid sirens going off in his head since this entire mess started: *nodding along* that was really beautifully said
Meanwhile in Canada Hayden Pike is in crisis. His best buddy in the whole world is trying to throw down the gauntlet with fucking Putin for the sake of some Awful Fucking Man. Who he is??? In love with???? Hayden cannot tell if this is a serious relationship or just Shane faking an entire gay romance to get some asshole who forced a kiss on him out of Russia alive because he’s Just That Good Of A Person. Is Shane gay like, for real? Is he gay for Ilya Rozanov?
Did he.
Did he tell J.J. instead of Hayden?
Does Hayden not look like an ally?? Does his buddy think he’s too homophobic to tell him about his star-crossed gay love???? Hayden is in tears. He just wants Shane to be happy and fulfilled and if that means Ilya Rozanov then Hayden can come to terms with that, eventually, he thinks, probably after heavy therapy. Does Shane not know how much he loves him? Because he thought that Shane knew that and if he didn’t know that then Hayden needs him to know that. Hayden is taking his own pulse.
Jackie has to point out five times a day that the Shane’s phone almost definitely has a wiretap by the Russian state and that Hayden absolutely cannot call him crashing out about the state of their bromance until he’s back on Canadian soil. She is. Tired.
