ThoughtsMusingsElectricalSynapses

Borderline Personality Disorder, Self Harm and everything in between.

[aut-of-space]

What I say: I'm hypersexual.

What everyone hears: I need to have sex 24/7.

What I mean: Without validation in form of sexual attention I start to feel worthless, disgusting and gross. This belief probably stems from past sexual abuse.

[bpdconcept]

a little thing on bpd identity diffraction versus did/osdd-1 alters

the main difference between alters and bpd fragments is that bpd fragments are usually emotional-based.

people with bpd often, though identity diffraction, can view themselves as “multiple people,” citing their situation akin to did or osdd-1.

alters are vastly more complex than differing bpd emotional states.

did/osdd-1 alters have different memories, emotions, ages, interests, appearances, sensivities to stimuli, different disorders, etc.

i’m not saying this to attack anyone. “bpd systems” are not real, and are in fact a very dangerous, damaging practice to do to yourself. a singlet splitting itself up and acting like their different emotional states are different people is extremely damaging and can reverse the healing process.

the phenomena often called “bpd systems” and sometimes “median systems” are in fact a part of a main symptom in bpd (intense identity issues), but should not be treated as multiplicity.

did/osdd-1 is much more than different emotional states!

lastly, there’s no shame in admitting you’re wrong about something! people are always learning and growing, and it takes strength to admit your faults.

[thesunflowerspoonie-deactivated]

Invisible Disability Awareness | Pt. 1

[sweetschizo-deactivated20190808]

Don’t armchair diagnose mass shooters and other killers. The misconception that all violent people must be mentally ill (and the following conclusion that all mentally ill people must be dangerous) has horrible real life consequences for visibly mentally ill people.

Schizophrenic people are 14 times more likely to be a victim of a violent crime than committing one because people assume that we’re homicidal and dangerous and may react very negatively to visibly mentally ill behavior, partly due to all the media portrayals of schizophrenics as violent killers.

50% of people killed by police are disabled or mentally ill (and the victims are disproportionately black or other people of color) because the unusual behavior of visibly disabled and visibly mentally ill people is read as inherently threathening and dangerous.

Please consider the real life consequences of reinforcing the association between mental illness and violence - people are dying because y'all want to blame all evil in the world on severe mental illness so that you can clearly separate yourself from it. You’re harming an already extremely vulnerable and marginalized group of people and it’s time to stop!

[sweetschizo-deactivated20190808]

I encourage people who aren’t schizophrenic to reblog this. These stereotypes are literally getting people killed and I’ve seen no awareness around this on this website.

[houndofhecate]

IMPORTANT. 

Schizophrenia and mental illness, in general, are more likely to make one the victim of violence than perpetrator of it. 

[books-n-quotes]

Sometimes, you do things and you do them not because you’re thinking but because you’re feeling. Because you’re feeling too much. And you can’t always control the things you do when you’re feeling too much.

Benjamin Alire Sáenz, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe (via books-n-quotes)

[wnq-quoteoftheday]

Do not tell everyone your story. You will only end up feeling more rejected. People cannot give you what you long for in your heart. The more you expect from people’s response to your experience of abandonment, the more you will feel exposed to ridicule.

Henri J.M. Nouwen | wnq-quoteoftheday (via wnq-writers)

[wnq-quotes]

Commit to loving yourself completely. It’s the most radical thing you will do in your lifetime.

Andrea Gibson

Read More on wordsnquotes

(via fyp-psychology)

[rhymesaspoetry]

You always learn from observing. You have to pick things up nonverbally because people will never tell you what you’re supposed to know. You have to get it for yourself: whatever it is that you need in order to survive. You become strong by doing the things you need to be strong for. This is the way genuine learning takes place.

Audre Lorde (via dostevsky)

[fyp-psychology]

People do not come into therapy to change their past but their future.

Milton H. Erickson (via fyp-psychology)

[wnq-writers]

I am not an open book. The hardness of my cover and the complexity of my contents were not designed for weak fingertips and feeble minds. I have been opened once or twice. My spine stroked by flimsy hands, held with a broken focus, my pages slightly skimmed through, only to be put down mid-sentence. I have yet be placed in the gentle care of a reader that doesn’t mind that my chapters are often cut short, my edges sharp and my pages loose; one with the intent to finish. As I accept my place on the shelf, I no longer ache to be taken down, opened up and validated by the comfort of fleeting eyes. I have begun to find solace in my own story, comfort in between the lines and a curious fascination for the pages still blank. I no longer worry if my analogies are beautiful enough for Pulitzer Prizes and Nobel awards. I only pray that one day, my sentences will leave traces of ink on the heart strong enough to comprehend them and I am no longer taken out of context. I have always had an affinity for words but I did not know true love until I read my own.

chanteshanice (via wordsnquotes)

[the-perfect-aesthetic]

[isozyme]

here’s the deal with self care, for me:

pleasure, in the fun late-capitalism hellhole of present-day america, is treated like a luxury.  it’s expensive.  it’s frivolous.  it’s guilty.  if we want to eat ice cream out of the carton and be socially acceptable at the same time, we’d better have earned that ice cream.  maybe by like running a marathon or getting dumped by an asshole.  if we’re going to duck into the corner store and buy fresh flowers, it’s because we’ve had a hard week, not because flowers are nice.  we can take a day off work, but only if we’re sick.  we have to suffer before we’re allowed extra kindness.

in this equation pleasure is optional (irresponsible, even), except when it’s a balm for suffering.

however!  we need pleasure to live.  a life without nice feelings in it is like a diet with no vitamins in it.  it’ll make you sick and eventually it’ll kill you.  we know this because people with depression stop feeling pleasure, and they often kill themselves.  left untreated, depression is a fatal disease.

pleasure is not optional.  pleasure is not a luxury.  without it, we die.  that is literally the opposite of a luxury.

because pleasure is treated like a luxury, and priced accordingly, it is fucking hard to get.  it’s hard to take time to relax and see loved ones when corporations aren’t required to offer paid vacation.  it’s hard to buy that special face scrub or art print or pretty yarn when it costs $35 and student loans are breathing down your neck.  so pleasure gets saved up for when things are really bad.  pleasure gets budgeted.  pleasure, once again, becomes something we have to earn by abstaining and hurting and gritting our teeth.

do this to people long enough and pleasure becomes potently associated with guilt.  this thing we need desperately to stay alive is suddenly something we can’t seek out without looking over our shoulder and wondering if we’re allowed to have it.

that’s why it’s so important that we talk about self care, and tell ourselves and each other that it is okay to do things that feel good.  it is necessary to do things that feel good.  we have to uncouple suffering and pleasure, because the idea that we have to earn feeling good by first feeling bad is monstrous and wrong.

take care of yourselves, darlings.  don’t feel bad about it.

[draikinator-archive]

X X X X X < Sources on alpha wolves being a myth

be nice to puppers

[theintrovertnation]

If you can relate to this follow us HERE

[user64290]

raise your hand if you know what emotional impermanence is

[user64290]

EMOTIONAL IMPERMANENCE IS THE INABILITY TO REMEMBER PREVIOUSLY EXPERIENCED EMOTIONAL PHASES…JUST AS BABIES HAVE TO DEVELOP OBJECT PERMANENCE [knowing mom exists even when you can’t see her], BORDERLINES GOTTA DO SOME COGNITIVE WORK TO DEVELOP EMOTIONAL PERMANENCE EVEN WELL INTO ADULTHOOD. FOR INSTANCE, STRUGGLING TO FAMILIARIZE POSITIVE EMOTIONAL STIMULI TOWARD A LOVED ONE THE BORDERLINE WAS PREVIOUSLY SPLITTING ON IS AN EXAMPLE OF EMOTIONAL IMPERMANENCE.

MY POINT IS I AM PSYCHOLOGICALLY FUCKED UP AND EVEN IF IT’S NOT MY FAULT ITS A TOUGH PILL TO ACCEPT ABT MYSELF.

Maybe if i yell, more ppl will get it.

[user64290]

i meant pill to swallow*

*splits on self for poor semantics*

[quietborderlineinfo]

How do I know whether I'm really in love with someone, or if I just feel too dependent on or I'm to attached to them?

i actually wrote a post about this and i’m going to post it today, but feel free to message me directly if you wanna give details about your particular situation :)

-mod k @bpd4bpd

[cluster-b-clusterfuck]

Just reblogging this because at this point I don’t know if there’s a discernable difference for me…

[quietborderlineinfo]

i didnt get 2 this yesterday! Post soon, hopefully before i leave the house.

Mod k

[user64290]

Are You in Love or is it the Borderline?

While an average person gets “drunk in love”, borderlines prone to love addiction get cracked out on the stuff–almost feeling like nobody with out it.

Few speculations:

1. With an unstable sense of self, losing yourself in someone else is easy. You’re intoxicated by any escape route. If it wasn’t this, it would be something else.

2. Low self-esteem. Know what’s the quickest pick-me-up? The validation you aren’t a piece of shit because someone likes you. Even better if it’s someone you idealize/have a crush on. There is an underlying expectancy for consistent reassurance and affection in romantic relationships. For someone already socially withdrawn, you become addicted to the emotional stimuli found in this one person.

3. Emotional neglect. Growing up in an emotionally neglectful environment is the pinnacle of daddy and mommy issues. Icky to think about, but not uncommon. When you’re a sensitive child and don’t get the validation you need, you’ll always feel something’s amiss. Into adulthood, you subconsciously cling to romantic relations as some sort of salve. Unfortunately, if you’re using a single relationship to heal emotional wounds, you’d have better luck exploring yourself on your own.

What you can do:

1. Have a mental blueprint of the kind of partners you want. Eg. What traits in a person are important to you? Do you require someone well-versed in mental health or at least willing to learn? If you don’t ask yourself these things, your requirements become “anyone who wants me” and you know that never turns out right.

2. Get better at identifying splitting. Let’s be real. No matter what emotion we face, it will always be intense. Don’t be quick to invalidate strong emotions, but at the same time don’t deny them either (sup,wise mind). Ask yourself questions like, “Did I like the same attributes in this person when we were just friends? Did my feelings for them grow in a short amount of time after they asked me out? Or was it gradual?” or in an opposing scenario, “Am I really over this person? Did I realize this before or after I lurked their profile and found old comments to their ex? Or do they legitimately show behavior that doesn’t align with the traits I like?”

3. Know your triggers. All. Of. Them. Or at least aspire to do so. No matter how seemingly innocuous they are, accepting triggers exist is the only way to grow invulnerable to their hold on you. Don’t stress about explaining it to anyone either. You just want to get better at spotting them for yourself, like a game. Eventually you’ll level up and build the resiliency to question splitting as it’s happening. Welcome to cognitive training.

To practice more cognitive training, try this exercise on knowing your values.

More on my website: bpd4bpd.org

[introverts-hideaway]