Approach and Ritual for Illness in a Loved One
A friend or loved one being ill is a frightening thing. It can be very challenging to learn how to confront not only the situation that your loved one is in, but also the discomfort within yourself. Often, we feel powerless in these situations and the inability to help in a way that seems clear is stressful and uncomfortable in and of itself. What can you do if someone you love is suffering from poor health?
First, make sure that your own internal resources are capable of being stretched to address this to the best of your ability. Give yourself time before or after you spend helping to decompress and digest your own feelings about it. Validate your own feelings of fear, discomfort, sadness, anxiety and depression. If you’re feeling like these emotions are overwhelming to you, seek help - a trusted friend or a professional therapist to talk over some of your own distress. If you burn yourself out by never giving yourself time to address your own grief you’ll burn out and will struggle to help anyone else. My experience working in medicine has taught me how important this is.
I am doing my best
My sadness, my anxiety, my fear, my anger are valid
My feelings deserve to be acknowledged
I will make space for my feelings to allow self-healing
Now, to focus on how to approach the person who is ill. If you are able to, offer to be with them in person or on a phone/video call and if they want to sit in moment of reflection with them, pray with you or engage in any kind of magick/spellwork with you, make them a part of that process - but only do this with their permission or if they are interested. Some people find this uncomfortable and less helpful. Others may find it gives them a lot of comfort and hope. If you are able to, be present, and listen to their own anxieties and fears. Much of that listening is best if you are actively listening and mirroring them instead of trying to give advice or reassure them that things will be OK. Validate their feelings and thank them for sharing with you. If the person isnt available to engage with you, then you can do a ritual or prayer. (It is often best practice to ask permission before doing anything for someone, so keep this in mind).
Regarding how to approach ritual/spell or prayer in this arena also needs to be considered. We all want people to “get well” or “get better” but there are many facets in illness that should also be considered. This is especially important for chronic illness - there are always goals that make life easier for people that arent just trying to “make them better”. Some spell-work to focus on that not only emphasizes “getting better” includes
Memory assistance (for medications or otherwise)
Easing financial troubles
Offering gentleness/comfort
Feeling supported & validated
1) Visualize your chosen deities and/or symbols related to health, protection, relief, sleep or courage or whatever else you’re seeking to grant this person.
Example: Hecate is a goddess of the crossroads and for someone in the shade between life and death, visualizing her or her symbology (including a black dog, snakes, saffron flowers, hellebore, etc)
2) Make a physical representation of these things, whether it’s actual physical items, a scent you associate with this symbol, a drawing, a stitched sigil, a food item, etc
Example: continuing with Hecate - you can use shed snake skin or shed dog fur, actual flowers or cooking saffron, or pictures of the symbols
3) Arrange the symbols in a way on the floor in front of you that is visually / otherwise appealing. If you can, make it so that you’re seated, standing, kneeling or otherwise facing the direction of who you want to help. You can add in crystals or herbs that fit with the mood of the spell
Ie. if our devotional to Hecate is for protection and wishing rest for someone, we can add lavender (calm/rest) and nettle (protection)
4) Speak or write the name or alias of the person you’re trying to help, and state your intentions - reference the symbolism you have collected and spend a few moments reflecting after describing the intended effect of each one.
Hecate, goddess of the crossroads please help [x] find peace and guidance
May Hecuba, your familiar, offer comfort to [x] (dog)
May you help [x] find relief among your garden (hellebore & lavender symbolism)
5) Be humble as you close your ritual, and give yourself some time to reflect on the ritual.
If you’re able to, continue to check in on whoever it is you are helping. In these days of COVID isolation is unfortunately contributing to making more miserable already terrible medical problems. If the person is able to talk or text and wants company, it’s one of the best things you can offer.
DISCLAIMER: as a physician I feel it’s important for me to iterate that people who are ill should maintain whatever the medical management currently is. Magick can be a powerful tool but should never supersede regular medical care.
photo by me, magnolia tree in Bronx Botanical Garden
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