It's you who needs me tonight. @lupinandtonks - Tumblr Blog

May 4, 2023

You Are in Love.

that one fit about academic rivals but 'better written'.

Remus Lupin x fem!Reader. cw. 'Who did this to you trope', mentions of sexual assault, academic rivals, Remus being a meanie, but mostly pure fluff. English isn’t my first language so I apologize in advance for any error.

Summary: You kiss on sidewalks, you fight and you talk. One night he wakes, strange look on his face, pauses, then says "You're my best friend" and you knew what it was, he is in love.

Some relationships can be easily tagged, wether it was casual dating, something serious or just a friendship. If you asked Remus about the relationship he had with you, he would be taken aback for a few minutes.

To starters, there wasn't such thing as 'a relationship with you', he wouldn't call you a friend or hang out with you and still, if someone ever digs into the complicated dynamic you both had going from years now, he could and would say you were his best friend.

It's weird and overwhelming, he cared about you but the only times you have interact you both have been 'fighting', throwing sarcastic comments from one to another but somehow Remus liked it.

He liked the time he got to spend with you and most, he liked the fact that you made him want to be better.

Remus was naturally smart. He didn't have to put a lot of effort for a good or probatory grade, it was just enough for him to pay a little attention in class. But with you there, good wasn't enough. You turned the classroom into a competition and Remus liked it, he liked to defeat you and he even enjoyed the times you did better than him.

He felt nauseous when you would get a slightly better note than him, even when it was the same grade but your assignment got to be praised. He felt sick, jealous and happy, all at the same time. He liked your smile when you were top on the class, he liked the excitement in your voice while you explained something you understood pretty good or you liked.

Remus felt jealous of his friends most of the time when it came to you, you spent time with James and Sirius, the last one always making time and effort to flirt with you and he was sure if James wasn't so wiped with Lily he would do it too.

To tell the truth, Remus could never fully commit to any relationship, not when you were running around his mind most of the time, not when most of his thoughts were about you, or school, or defeating you at school, if it wasn't for the slight feeling of 'hate' he felt he could even say you were his girlfriend.

"Hey, Remmy. Is your girlfriend coming?" Sirius asked, handing Remus a beer while sitting on the couch on the Potter's manor, watching James hiding anything of value so things are safe. At Remus' frown, Sirius continued; "You know, Y/N, pretty smile, pretty face, she's got really beautiful eyes if you let me–"

"Shut it, Sirius"

"So... is she coming?"

"What should I know? S'not like she's my girl or something"

"You're getting late to make a move, moony" James intervenes "I saw Tom glancing at her more than he's used to glancing at girls"

"Tom's a fucking pervert" Remus says, disgusted his friends would even think about it. Disgusted that you could even dare to think of dating him "I've heard how he talks about her"

"You should... you know... make a move, make Tom know that's your girl and he better fuck off"

"She's not my girl... and as far as I'm concern Tom's a free man. There's free will in this country... Sadly for some, but it's none of my business. Some people like pervs"

You and Remus made it at the end of the year, your scores were exactly the same for both of you, and before trying before you could try and complain, Dumbledore stated that there was nothing that any of you could do.

A few hours after the party started Remus watched you, he was still sitting on the couch and you were walking around the kitchen, eating the appetizers and looking around to make sure no one saw you, James just told you that those were reserved for Lily, they were her favorites, but they were yours too, and he had just put them there, at your disposal, you could just blame it on anyone else.

Remus thought you looked gorgeous. He thinks he never had any chance to look at you this way, a chance to think of you as the most beautiful woman in the room. Of course he knew you were pretty, he could see why Sirius flirted with you so much, hoping it would stick or hoping it would make him jealous enough for Remus to make a move.

But now, in that exact moment, one look in the dark room, there was easily twenty people more in his gaze, but it was meant for you, as you walked away with one of your friends he felt time moving too fast and he found himself wishing he could play it back just to see you standing there in the kitchen, to see your full cheeks while you tried to eat the appetizers in one bit so it was faster.

And in other instances, you watched Remus sitting on the couch, he looked so alienated to everything, out of his mind, and you couldn't help but notice how good he looked with a cigarette between his fingers.

Was it tobacco or marihuana?

His eyes looked slightly red so you assumed it was the second one. His shirt wasn't bottomed all the way up and his hair was messy, but not as it always is, it looked like he tried to style it, he fought with it and then left it like that. He wasn't patient and you knew that.

"Hello, Remus" A blonde, tall and beautiful girl sat next to him. With a bright smile and Remus smiled back, you could feel a hint of anger growing inside of you. Of course she would like him, all the pretty girls liked Remus. "You're a bit away from the party" She chuckled.

"I'm just smocking a bit, love"

"Well, yes I can see that" She finally sat all the way down next to him, being dangerously close to his body "Would you mind if I try it"

"I'll love to give you some, but this is the last one I brought with me. Maybe Sirius has some extra, he always brings them for me"

She smiled and closed her eyes a bit; "That's fine. I could try yours"

Try yours? Who did she think it was? And more important, who did you think you were? This was Remus, as in your biggest enemy Remus, Remus the boy who would fight you to death for a grade.

Remus found the blonde girl really pretty. She was fun and she could keep up with any topic Remus would mention. She was well spoken, but Remus didn't even bother on asking her name, it never occurred to him, not when he couldn't stop thinking about you, standing just a few steps from him, all that would take was to turn around.

"Remus, are you listening to me?"

"No. Sorry, love. What was it?"

She never got mad at him. Not once. Not when Remus lost the track of the conversation or when he finally looked behind his back. To his misfortune, you weren't there anymore.

A few hours passed by, the first girl was long forgotten and Remus was just sitting on the couch between Dorcas and Marlene, listening to them talking about something and occasionally looking at him to know his opinion.

His body felt tense when he saw you again. The hair in his arms raising and a pain in his chest telling him something seemed wrong. No, something was wrong.

Because after all, who knew you better than your one and only rival.

It was around 1:00 a.m. when you made your way out of the Potter's walk-in kitchen pantry. Your hair was messy, it wasn't like you, but it looked like any other girl's hair at the party. Your arms tried to hug your body and protect yourself from... well, everything. You cleaned your face with your hands, your lipstick wasn't there anymore and you felt the pain of a bruise in your cheek.

Remus excused himself from the girls and got up from the couch, walking all the way through you. He touched your arm and got scared when you flinched.

Your face looked in panic, you flinched too aggressive at his touch, your hair seemed different, it was nothing like you, the lipstick he liked so much when he first saw you was now gone and he knew that sad smile good enough to ignore that something happened.

Remus has touch you way too many times for someone who claimed you were his enemy, but he has, and you grow used to it, and not once have you ever flinch at him.

"What's the matter with you?" You frowned at him and took a deep breath, Remus did as well, he didn't planned on sounding so annoyed, even though he was mad. Not at you, but at anyone who dared to cause this "Sorry, love. Didn't mean to sound so mean. Is everything alright?"

Love, love, love.

"Yes"

But your eyes were filled with tears now and you felt so embarrassed of what happened and for crying in front of everyone. You looked at Remus worried face and you thought it would be better if you hide in his chest, suddenly feeling invisible to the people around, feeling safe and sure that no one could touch you now, not when Remus arms were around you.

Remus started to move his body a bit so it looked like the two of you were slow dancing, even when the music was nothing like that. He took you upstairs, it was James' home after all, he could do whatever he felt like.

You ended up in Sirius room. He sat you in the mattress and looked at you better with the lights fully on. Your arms were covered in bruises and wounds, the kind of wounds the nails caused when they're pressed against the skin.

Remus tried to touch your face and you pulled back with an 'ouch' – if it wasn't because he was really worried, he would find you extremely cute –, there was no visible mark but he could tell your left cheek was sore.

"Who did this to you?"

He felt so protective at that moment. He didn't know why he was so mad, he didn't know why he wanted to kill, why the Moony part of him was waking up when they were so far from the full moon.

"He was blonde" You said with tears in your eyes, a mixture of comfort you didn't know where it came from since you were here with no other than Remus Lupin and a bit of fear, fear that he wouldn't believe you. "He was a Gryffindor"

And you waited for his responde, for his mock, something that would let you know that he thought, like other boys you've dated, that no girl was worth to taint the Gryffindor uniform.

"Stay here, I don't want you downstairs"

"He didn't... He didn't got too far" You yelled before he could exit the door, before he could do something, maybe make fun of you with the whole party "He just tried, he, he couldn't take off my clothes, completely, he just tried. Nothing happened, it was my fault I was... I stood too close to him I, I sent confused signals and I'm, I'm just overreacting"

You said with tears in your eyes, you felt ashamed, tainted, but for now you just wanted Remus to forget you even said anything.

"More than enough happened" He walked away from the door and kneeled in front of you, he kissed your knee and looked at you with his dreamy big brown eyes "Now stay here, alright? I don't want you downstairs.

Remus got up and kissed your forehead. How could he not know who it was? He was talking about how much of a pervert Tom was a few hours ago and then this happens.

It was the same man who called you 'Remus' latte bitch' once, the same man who wasn't now just disgusting, he was human waste.

Remus felt sick at the memories of the times they spent at the common room on boys' nights. He remembers how the words twisted his stomach back then and remembers doing nothing, one of his Housemates was expressing out loud how he would even come in terms of raping and he did nothing. And now it happened.

If he would have listen to Sirius and actually make a move maybe none of this would be happening. Maybe you would be fine and you wouldn't have go through all of this.

"Remus, I've been looking for you" Sirius says, hanging from Remus' shoulder and walking at his speed once he didn't stop "Where're we going?"

Remus didn't answer, he couldn't, his tooth were clenching and he felt like he could break them at any moment. And the second he saw those blonde hairs and that cocky face he didn't doubt for a moment on throwing the first punch.

People started to scream and form a circle around them as soon as he threw that punch. Sirius would always tell the story, and he would always mention he swears he has never feel sober up as fast as he did that day.

The alcohol evaporated from his system.

"Mate, what the... what is wrong with you?"

"You know what you did" Remus simply answers, venom filling his words, caressing his fist with his other hand and looking at tom, ready to kill him at any moment.

"Oh" He chuckled "You mean what I did... to your little girlfriend?"

You weren't his girlfriend, but Remus didn't think necessary to point it out, in fact, he sort of liked the thought of that. He would come to terms with that later.

"She wanted it, so..." Tom started, a shit eating grin plastered in his face while looking at Remus "She was throwing herself at me like a bitch in hit"

Remus really don't know when the last punch made his way to his face, he didn't think about it this time, the only thing he knew is that his hand was already making contact with his face.

Of course Tom fought back, and of course he punched Remus, because he had no idea on how to fight, there wasn't a single rational part of him in that moment.

"Those bastards"

Sirius thought of getting involved when one of Tom's friends started to go against Remus, he mentally smiled at the fact that if was only one of them who dared. Not really wanting to cause trouble for any of them, not at the Potter's manor at least.

"She was drunk!" Remus yelled once he felt James and what he could feel was the whole Quidditch team pulling him away. Sirius made his way out of the fight as soon as James arrived, hating to get himself into this things. "You had no right touching her. She was drunk!"

Lily tried to calm Remus, it was bad enough for you to go through this for him to yell at everyone what happened. While she talked to him, James and Sirius made sure to kick everyone out from the party.

"Remmy, relax, breath in and out, got it?" He tried it, he really wanted to calm down but he couldn't bare to even think of you like that, scared, begging for it to stop and not feeling strong enough to do something about it, the impotence to have no control over your own body, something he knew so well; "Where is Y/N?"

"Upstairs"

"What if you go on and look for her? How does that sound? Spend a bit of time with her, she must be scared and exhausted. You would make her good"

Remus nods, that actually sounded good, just the two of you – how he wanted it since the beginning of the party– lying on Sirius' bed, or you lying in bed while he's on the floor, maybe holding hands, he didn't know, anything you wanted. He was so confused right now, it was way too many emotions for just one night.

Remus walked upstairs and opened the door, you looked at him, worried and ran to inspect his body, he just chuckled at your concern because, where was that worry when he fell from the broomstick that one time you needed to decide one last thing and ended up playing Quidditch, just the two of you.

"I heard a fight" You say, calmly "I guessed it was you"

"Sorry" He says and you frown "It was mostly Sirius" he lied.

You shake your head, knowing it was a lie. Sirius Black hated physical labor; "Why did... why did you get into a fight? You don't– you don't know how to fight"

"I've come to realize way too many new things tonight. Like, when it comes to you, I think it's the only way I can fight"

"Will you fight me?"

"I do it every single day. It's crazy" He left out a chuckle "I spend more time thinking about you than any other girl I've ever like. My relationships don't work. I'm just looking forward the next time I see you. To see if I did better than you. There's days where the only thing feeding my will to live is our silly competition"

He wanted to say he meant the full moon.

You smile "And physical confrontation?"

"I could take you" He simply answers "Not in a fight"

Remus felt his lungs stopping their function because how could he make a comment like that, completely forgetting what happened, hell, he completely forgot the world, he couldn't believe, he didn't want to believe, there was any other thing or moment existing besides this. Besides you and him.

You chuckle and look at him and he can feel how he starts to breath again. His hair is messy, even more than it always is, his shirt is missing around three buttons and you wonder if it's because of the fight or that's the reason why he didn't bottomed all the way up. His cheek is red and it's starting to turn purple and yet he still looks a weird way of divine.

And you feel brave enough to kiss him. Remus felt like he was standing on clouds when both of your lips touched.

"Does this... this means we're not fighting anymore?"

"Don't be silly, Remus. One kiss doesn't erase years of competition. I love to mop the dirt with you"

He smiled; "What about two kisses?"

"I would have to think about it"

Everyone thought your relationship was the weirdest thing to ever be. Usually you would keep insulting Remus, and he will fight you back while you were sharing a classroom, but outside of it you couldn't be apart from each other it was borderline disgusting.

Remus arrived the common room at midnight with two cups of coffee on his hands.

"You're kidding, right?" You asked, watching him drink the black coffee "It's midnight. You won't sleep"

"Why would I have to sleep if I have what I dream about in front of me" You look at the chimney and frown, because based on Remus body's direction, that was in front of him, his face was slightly turned to you "I meant you. You know that"

"You're a sap"

Light-hearted joke. No proof, not much. But you saw enough.

With Remus, everything there was ever written about love felt true. Love was amazing, the best feeling in the world, the kind of thing that warms your heart and you feel you might explode, because you had no idea where you could storage that many feelings.

The silence yelled at you every time he was not there. The way from the classrooms to the common room told you that was love. The way Remus holds your hand and growls at Sirius every time he stands in the middle of you two.

That is why the first fight you ever had felt so... weird. You thought you and Remus would never fight. Tears were streaming down your face and you heard the door open and close violently.

This was the end.

You were sure not even a minute passed when Remus entered again and kneeled in front of you, hiding his head in your chest while you tried to process what was happened.

"I'm sorry" He says "I'm an idiot. I know. You're the best that has ever happened to me and here I am throwing a tantrum" He stands and takes your face in his hands, leaving a small kiss on your forehead, you look at him, strange look on his face, he breathes slowly, pauses, then says; "You're my best friend"

And somehow it felt more intimate than the 'I love you's', it felt more personal than the times you slept together, and then you realized how important friendship was to Remus. And you were his best friend.

"You're my best friend too" And for Remus that meant more than any 'I love you'.

"And you understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars" Sirius said, a nice black tuxedo specially hand-made for this occasion, his words shocking almost everyone, because even if he was twenty-five now, no one thought he could speak like that "And why I spent my whole life tryin' to put this two together"

Sirius rises his glass and looks at you and Remus, he winks at you and you wink back, Remus frowns at the two of you.

"Let's say we were never flirting"

Remus laughed, it wasn't even funny, but Sirius' dedication for the two of you being together was strong, even way before that party happened. Sirius knew what he felt before he even had the chance to think about it, he looked at you and kissed you, smiling between the kiss at the cheers and the round of applauses.

'Cause you can hear ir in the silence. You can feel it on the way home. You can see it with the lights out. You are in love, true love.