The Change of A Life Time

Dance like there's no tomorrow. Unfortunate for your poor soul there is. Tomorrow is tomorrow just as today was a tomorrow as was the day before that. We are all silly. How quick we are to believe everything including ourselves. Ignorance is bliss my friend.

[lura-crivelli]

Slow Dancing In A Burning Room || Part Dos

Happiness. One of the best feelings in the world. Unfortunately happiness for me also comes with a bit of a...well it's complicated. I remained mature through everything because I had to. Starting with the S word. Not Serah....

In 3,2,1!

Oh my goodness that boy was so gorgeous. My first day of school I noticed him but he just felt untouchable. Even when I joined the popular crew Shamus was still that untouchable guy. I liked him because he was different. His eyes,that hair that never seemed to be in order. He was and is a beautiful creature. If I'm being honest then I would say I was afraid to talk to him. What if he didn't like me? What if he had a girlfriend? I'm not his type and unfortunately never will be. So I pushed him aside because if I longed after him then I would be stuck. Instead I went for someone I could have but never really want. That's another thing about human nature. Sometimes we miss our chances. Fear locks us in a choke hold and doesn't let go until we surrender. 

Am I fearless? Most of the time. When it comes to boys I'm just like any other girl. That was until the hovercraft. He was the only one who was worth talking to. He looked at me. I don't know if it was interest or just curiosity that made him look at me like that. The me at that moment had to give him a dirty look. It was all part of the mask. Then we started talking and flirting. That Irish accent was the most extraordinary thing I've heard. I couldn't decide whether to try and jump him or make him talk more in that moment. He was still that untouchable guy. So giving into liking him was just a no. It's just going to be fun. It will be fun. I was stupid. Heartbreak is not fun. Back to the good times.

On the track I just wanted to get in a run. But it turned into something 'fun' when he got there. I realize now how much I hate that word.

When I tried to trip him up it was about competition. But then he picked me up and it was all about how it felt to be held by him. When I kissed him it was about trying to get him to trip. But then it ended up being about how his lips felt against my own. I took a risk and I'm happy that I did. It was worth the tumble to the ground.

When he kissed me again I felt strange. Well not strange. That longing feeling came back.

There was more in that moment than there was in my entire relationship with Everett. 

It felt like we were more. We were more. It wasn't just fooling around. Back in Six I had fooling around but no one I ever cared about. Here of all places I start to care. I end up getting my time with the untouchable guy. The Camo station had been a moment when I was happier than I have been for a while. No one has made me laugh so hard or smile so much in years. It was more than 'fun'

You see things turn out to be too good to be true. I should have known that the untouchable guy was still untouchable. The illusion that I could actually have a chance with him was exactly that. It was an illusion. I don't know why I ever thought that we could be together. There I go with my stupidity again.

When we had that talk in that cafeteria I swear I felt my heart just drop into my stomach. People like me aren't meant to be happy for long. When a bad event happens it's a normal occurrence. But when they keep happening like a gradual domino effect you know something isn't right. People like me being liars. It's like karma I guess. The end of the domino effect was me going boom. The one before that was that stupid trainer dislocating my shoulder. Before that was Shamus. I should have said goodbye right after lunch. Why didn't I? Because I'm stupid. I wanted to stretch time. I only extended the heartbreak. 

It was easy to pretend that I was okay with it. In the tunnels I always had to act like I was older than I was. Part of that was getting over rejection and just moving on with my life. At the end of the day I'm a seventeen year old girl who happened to like a guy whose heart had already been claimed. So of course I cried. He cried too. 

It was beautiful. His face open and emotions bared only to me. For a tiny split second I knew that I could have fallen for him. But again time plus I wasn't that stupid.

Even though I was heartbroken I was still thankful. I suppose that's the only thing that kept me pretty sane and neutral. That and letting pain plague my heart in the final days is not a good thing. I hope he keeps my promise. Soon he'll find out that I was one of the cannons. Maybe he'll remember me. 

I can't help but doubt that he will. I'm just another face in the crowd. Just another tribute gone with the rest of them.

[lura-crivelli]

Humanity || Death Part 1

Pain and stupidity. I am an idiot. Everyone knows whoever goes first usually gets in trouble. Come on that's just common sense. Anyway there goes my wrist. Boom it explodes and oh look pain ouch. I'm bleeding out but I just need to change my thoughts. Memories okay let's access that brain. You can do it! Serious time in 3, 2, 1.

Humans are finite creatures. I don't know why we were made but I do know that we were not made to live forever. Our bones are breakable. Our muscles easily torn. The emotions that spread like a wild fire. We are prone to disaster. People fear death but yet they do not realize that it is the ending. It is the happy ending. Our human bodies bleed out as our souls exit to find something more than this bland body of rock that we call Earth. 

We are expected to live our lives to the fullest because at any moment of time it can be gone. Just like mine is. I mean I'm laying in my own blood right now. 

My life wasn't the greatest. But I lived it the way I wanted to in the end. Let's start where it all began. In District Six I was the weird girl. Soooo skinny and with a head and mouth disproportionate to my body. My mom was my happiness. My dad has always been a dick so let's not even go there. It went down hill from there. Mom died along with a piece of me. That's the thing that no one ever realizes. How important someone is in your life until they're gone. People took me into the underground to help heal me. But all it did was numb the pain until eventually I pushed it aside. I danced and did simple drugs. I was young and stupid. I let people do things to me and with me but I enjoyed it. When Haven came I had found a reason not to be so sad anymore. I had to help someone who was in more pain than I was. She was my elder but she was still someone I saw hope for.

The losses began. Ames fell off a building. Then Haven went into the games. She went boom. Along with a piece of me. I was slowly falling apart and I barely even knew it. Then we moved. I used to think it was the worst thing to ever happen to me but I now know that it wasn't. I met Serah and Juliet. Even though I was not myself I still grew attached to them no matter how much I didn't want to. Then there was Icarus. There were a few other people I noticed in class like Shamus. (lol im making another post for that.)

Ever since I left Six I've been hiding from my emotions and myself. On the hovercraft with Shamus is when I began to let all the hiding go. Was there a reason for me to hide? Why was I ever afraid of my father?

Slowly but surely I started letting go of this facade. I just always kept that guard for my emotions because well...human nature. Unfortunately we have the tendency to strike people when they're down. Especially as a tribute. I couldn't be weak in front of these people.

I did cry a few time but it was when I felt safe. Anyway the life I lived was not the ideal one but it was one. I laughed and smiled. Did stupid shit that probably could have gotten me killed but it was fun. I cried and felt heartbreak. In the end I died as myself and not as someone I was pretending to be. Sure my friends will never know my origin but you can't stop time. You can't even extend it. Time and life are fickle things. They run out before we want them to. We just have to go with it you know? We have no other choice.

[julietcardiel]

Fugitives || Pop 3

[serah-moretti]

"Knock yourself out," I said simply, handing Juliet the bow and arrow. I wouldn’t be lethal with it and if she was then by all means she could have it. I was fine with my taser.

Following suit behind the two girls, I let out a small laugh at both their comments. “I’d just like to speed up the hell that this arena already is and by all means if that means offing a few people then that’s what I’ll do.” I shrugged and continued walking.

[julietcardiel]

"Thanks." I ran my finger down the bow and put the quiver on my shoulder. Somehow, I felt safer. I could do something to protect myself and my friends and I still had to see what was in my bag.

"Some people are already there though. I think you’re not the only one with that opinion." I wondered if we could sit there and do nothing. All of us. But they would probably blow us up. Even if they did, nothing would be the same now.

[lura-crivelli]

I shrugged. Whatever. She can do what she wants.

We arrive at what was called the Admin Building on the map. "Welp here goes nothing."

I open the door and scan the room.

[julietcardiel]

Fugitives || Pop 3

[serah-moretti]

As Lura and Juliet began talking about where to go, I took the few seconds to search through my bag. I was given a bow and arrow and immediately put it back when I saw the taser. Although I would have preferred something more along the lines of a dagger or two, or three, even five would be fine, this was still familiar.

Turning to Lura and Juliet, I shrugged my shoulders and looked around. “If you want to hide out for the night you’ll owe me blood tomorrow.” I wasn’t about to sit around all day.

[julietcardiel]

"Whatever is fine. I just want to get out of here." I was still trying to control my tears, but I had to be strong. We weren’t playing anymore, this wasn’t just something on which we could press the new game button. There wasn’t one.

As Serah went through her bag, I noticed a familiar item. “Are you going to use that bow?” I asked. I could be a lot more helpful with than without it. Especially if I managed to stop shaking.

I rolled my eyes. “You can get all the blood you want tomorrow.”

[lura-crivelli]

I looked at Jules. She was struggling. The struggle will only get worse. This is not the time for it.

I started leading them down the path to the closest building.

"You and your bloodlust. It seems to have heightened since you can kill someone without being arrested."

[julietcardiel]

Fugitives || Pop 3

The minute I’m out the door I have to keep commanding my brain to stop thinking about the gunshots, or all the death that seemed to take place while my eyes were closed. 

I must focus.

I must forget what’s really happening.

But at least I’m around my friends. At least I’m not alone.

"We should go," I said, putting a hand on the wall and breathing heavily. 

[lura-crivelli]

I take my map out of my pack and give it a look.

"Hey so we're to the west. There are two buildings further out. We could check one of those out and see if it's safe to stay in for the night. I would rather not be outside so we should get a move on."

[apieceinourgames]

Lura, Gunnar, Blair, Amely, & Levi:

Read More

[obriy]

Lucy Fry + personal photos

[dailyvampireacademy]

[serah-moretti]

Far From Sentimental {take 2} || Serah & Lura

[serah-moretti]

"Maybe it’s about time you changed that little habit. Calling someone a son of a muffin isn’t exactly intimidating, even with a knife held to their throat." I laughed at her response to the words, words that had been a part of my dictionary for as long as I could remember.

[lura-crivelli]

I chuckle.

"Just imagine that. I'm about to kill someone and I'm all see you in hell you son of a muffin. I'm not as eccentric as she was. I say duck instead of the other word. So Ms. Serah are you ready to finally get in the arena?"

[serah-moretti]

Far From Sentimental {take 2} || Serah & Lura

[serah-moretti]

"So they say. I’d much rather go for a scowl, it scares them a bit more." Of course, the odd smile did throw some people off but it honestly wasn’t worth the reciprocations.

"Has the Capitol tainted your ever-so-perfect father-instilled vocabulary?" I asked with a short laugh, her vulture of a father was probably still keeping an eye on her to this day.

[lura-crivelli]

"It was my choice to keep those words out of my vocabulary. My mom was a bit eccentric. Instead of using swear words she would say stuff like son of a muffin top or panems hairy ear wax. Some words just slip out. I've had slip ups often so it really is not something new. Except my thoughts now include words like fuck,shit,and bitch." I wince. Too many words at once.

[serah-moretti]

Far From Sentimental {take 2} || Serah & Lura

[serah-moretti]

"Being a frigid bitch is just my cup of tea, dear Lura." I said simply. Sure back when I was younger I had the perfect life and the perfect parents and the perfect good girl attitude, thinking everything in this world was perfect. When that all went to shit I had to toughen up, build walls, seal off the feelings. It was just a way to adjust to life.

"I don’t know how you survived so long with your list of vocabulary," I said with a shake of my head.

[lura-crivelli]

"Smiling won't hurt honey. It throws a curveball to all the poor fools who try to mess with us."

Serah is proof. She is surprised that I am handling the whole Shamus situation well. I have a smile on my face.

"Easy. I don't particularly like those words. I can go through life without having my language be so colorful. But they've just been slipping out."

[dailyvampireacademy]

Vampire Academy cast | Lucy Fry as Lissa Dragomir

[serah-moretti]

Far From Sentimental {take 2} || Serah & Lura

[serah-moretti]

I rolled my eyes at her sarcasm and whatever dramatic change she was claiming fell short of a change. Her face had a scowl and it was better than the overly positive attitude she had before, although not a massive step in the right direction.

"You are no-" my words were cut off when she wrapped me in a massive hug doing nothing short of cutting off the air to my lungs. Lovely. "Alright that’s enough," I choked out, detaching her from my torso and relishing in the feeling of air filling my lungs once again.

[lura-crivelli]

"Hugs are good for the soul. It keeps us from being such frigid bitches."

I looked around. Peacekeepers were guarding the doors. What in the world is up with that?"

"This place has made me swear a lot. I feel slightly ashamed."

[serah-moretti]

Far From Sentimental {take 2} || Serah & Lura

[serah-moretti]

"Now may be a good time for you to implement that little switch, hm." I said with a small smirk. When Lura stopped caring and gave in she was definitely more fun and less kind.

"I’d much rather not," I said, dropping my smirk and shaking my head. This is exactly why I’m never nice.

[lura-crivelli]

"Okay ready? It's such a dramatic change." I smiled and ran my hands over my face. When I stopped I had my best bitch face on.

"As part of not giving a fuck I'm going to hug you anyway. Okay? Okay."

I hugged her tightly. I didn't want to flip the switch but she was right. Emotions can't get in my way.

[serah-moretti]

Far From Sentimental {take 2} || Serah & Lura

[serah-moretti]

"Love, love, love. You can have fun putting others before yourself all you want but it will only get you one thing Lura. And that’s something you’ve already gotten a taste of. If you don’t put yourself first you won’t be coming out of that arena and that’s real." I cared enough about her to not want her to go down easily in the arena, but we all know that I put myself first. Another fact.

"He can have fun with her all he wants, but I can tell you one thing. He’s definitely missing out." I can try to be optimistic, but we both know that I don’t actually mean it. I might as well attempt to make Lura feel a bit better. I had my unselfish moments. No matter how few and far between they were.

[lura-crivelli]

Like. I don't love him. If I did then I would just be fucked.

"Oh shush. I know when to care and when to not. It's easy to shut it off when convenient."

Aww. Look at her being nice. 

"Come here and give me a hug. You know you want to."

[serah-moretti]

Far From Sentimental {take 2} || Serah & Lura

[serah-moretti]

"Your optimism is infuriating to say the least." Just because she was my friend doesn’t mean I wasn’t going to be brutally honest. "I’d advise a few shots to forget about the asshole standing a few feet away from you that you surprisingly haven’t beaten to a pulp already, but considering the arena is tomorrow even I know better."

Again with the word love being thrown around. Bless her, I honestly don’t know how she can stand the guy let alone defend him and his whore. “You can be positive all you want, Lura but we both know he hurt you and I’m still astonished as to how you’re so okay with it.”

[lura-crivelli]

"Optimistic realist is my classification thank you very much." I smiled. Everyone knows that I'm somewhat of an honest person. I have imagination and yes I try to stay somewhat positive but at the same time I know how everything really is.

"Like I said. I cannot penalize him for following his heart. That's like cutting everyone who rejected you."

Was she not listening?

"I believe I did say he hurt me. I cried and I let it all go. Serah I'm okay with it because he's happy. He got to be with the girl he loves. Not many people get to even find someone they really love especially here. I care about him as I care about you and Juliet. If you both had found love here then I would be just as supportive. Sometimes I just have to put the needs of someone else before myself in order for me to be satisfied with my actions in life."

[serah-moretti]

Far From Sentimental {take 2} || Serah & Lura

[serah-moretti]

"Here we have it, Lura has actually given her heart away." I said with mock surprise. Honestly, I could tell from day one she was in over her head with this one and it was the first time I’d actually seen her that way. I’d given Shamus the benefit of the doubt and that was a rare thing that he ended up throwing back in my face.

"You can’t always take the high road, you know that? This is a game of life and death, one of us goes home. If you want it to be the one who broke your heart and ended up whoever that bitch over there is then so be it. But I won’t stand by to watch him tear you to shreds." That was final. Lura wasn’t about to be broken by this and as much as she tried to hide it I could tell it was harder than she made it look.

[lura-crivelli]

"Cut it with the assumptions. I did not give my heart away. I'm not stupid Serah. Yes I liked him but I did not love him. There's a big difference between opening my heart and giving it away."

I wouldn't take it back either. I spent my time here feeling happiness and heartbreak. It's better than being miserable and depressing.

"Let's get one thing clear. I am fully aware of the situation here and have been since before we even got here. She is not a bitch. That girl over there did nothing to you. She did nothing to me either. Do you want me to hate someone who cared about me and even gotten to know a part of me that I have to hide everyday? It was all about timing Serah. You cannot blame someone for following their heart. He did not tear me to shreds. I'm not going to deny that it hurt but I'm still here smiling because that's the only thing I can do."