@luvlyniki - Tumblr Blog

Jun 27, 2022

volume 3 ☆ jake sim - the first love trope

"oh shit, sorr- wait you like one ok rock? "yeah?" "no way, what's your favourite song?!"

pairing : popular boy!jake x shy!reader

summary : you, a quiet girl who is the introvert of all introverts, never thought you would befriend the most popular boy in school by having the same music taste. what songs are you going to show him next?

word count : 23,900 something lol

includes smut

topics of insomnia, depression, cigarettes, quick mention of death (sorry) (maybe slight trigger warning bc of the death)

MINORS DNI

☆read the other volumes?

taglist : @srirachibi @ryu-naa @blank-velvet @hoonstrology@person-standing @yuakagi @moasworld @rein-deer-stuffs @lix-freckle3 @leeis @turnipsandflowerss @hoewithnojams@liliansun @melaninjhs @sunshine-skz @andromedawillburryyou@shynypeacekitten @violevantae @rpkth @hime98 @fvryang @j4yluvr @heelariously @fireflies997 @rikipediaa @manaswisingh @pshwyfie @rikithebest @as-she-pleases

(sorry if i forgot anyone lol)

you have always hated busan.

you hated the humid weather, the inconsistent transportation system, and god forbid, the noise. but now, over the past few weeks at least, you've started to enjoy the noise during your insomnian nights.

you sit up in your bed for what feels like the one hundredth time tonight, having nothing better to do then look out your window. the bags that have been accumulating for weeks under your brown eyes have started to grow into a shade of dark purple that harshly contrasts with your skin tone.

your house has always been quiet. it started when your father left years ago. it seemed that no matter how many are home, the eerie type of quiet that has been set into the house, lingers. it's always clean and spacious and no one talks unless they need to

you haven't spoken to your siblings in weeks. there had been an underlying anger between you that has been inheriated like the freckles on all your cheekbones. you try to blame yourself sometimes for your falling out, but only your dad runs through your mind at the thought.

your insomnia has been toleratable since it had started through the summer, but now that your junior year is starting in a couple of hours, the insufferableness is settling in. youwish that you could sleep, if it only for a day.

on the other side of busan, jake lies awake in his bed staring at his posters on the ceiling. he regret sleeping all day again because now all he can hear is his brother playing video games and the busan night coming in through his window.

the sim house is usually always loud, even at night. jake's friends would come over, and they'd blast music and drink or just talk about life events. jake's brother would even join them at times, adding to the noise.

jake has hardly left his room all summer. the thoughts are becoming too much so he sleeps to get them to stop. things had been hard since isa had broken up with him. he looked up his symptoms and groaned when the word 'depression' crossed the screen.

jake use to like busan.

it was always busy and roaring of people, but now the noise just adds to it all. he needs quiet. jake feels guilty for sleeping through the summer. but he doesn't have enought energy to do anything else. he wishes he couldn't sleep through a day, just for a day.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

your hair is messy as you stand outside your school, your earbuds tangled as you look up at the building you despised so much.

you're not oblivious, you know that you don't look like you're the world's next top model in your oversized clothing, your hands shoved into the pockets of your unzipped sweater

you suppose everyone has headed to their second period class by now, so you're outside by yourself, the newly fall breeze starting to twirl around the city.

you look out onto the freshly cut grass field. it reminds you of the view from your bedroom window. it looks like your neighbour's clean backyard that he cares so much for. you then start to imagine that you're home. its quiet and you're relaxed. but that false relaxation turns into wondering where your family members are, and if they're thinking of you, at least in the slightless bit

the sudden voice beside you makes you somewhat jump, "what're you doing out here?"

you turn your head to the right and see a black-haired girl. you immiediatly notice how beautiful the girl is. her features suit her face so well and wish that you're own looked as good as hers.

"um," you state, noticing the angry expression on her face, her eyebrwos furrowed, "just, listening to music." you point to your headphones.

the girl nodded uncaringly before pulling out a cigarette and a lighter, lighting it before she puts it to her lips. "it's been the worst day so far, i hate school so much." the black haired girl suddenly rants, mocking the leaning position you were in against the wall. you nod in acknowledgement to her words. "what year are you in?"

"year 11."

"ah, so i'm your senior." the girl pulls her eyebrows up, "i guess i should be a good influence on you and tell you to get to class."

"i feel like i'd learn more out here than i would in a class."

a smile spreads across the girls lips, "i'm park chaerin."

"y/l/n y/n."

"yo, are you coming or what?" a boys' voice calls out suddenly. there's a boy with black hair pushed back. he's wearing a dark blue hoodie with the number 99 on it- realizing that he must be on the rugby team for your school.

"yeah, i am, can you not give me a second, jay?" chaerin replies, pushing herself off the wall and into his direction, inhaling from her cigarette as she does.

the boys'- jay- eyes you cautiously behind chaerin, analysing if he should say anything more while you're around.

"well i don't have all day to waste like you." jay replies, rolling his eyes.

"ugh." chaerin exhales the smoke, before throwing her cigarette on the pavement and stomping on it. "let's go. bye y/n!" she smiles at you, before walking away with jay.

you could hear jay scolding chaerin for smoking around him before turning the corner, neither of them glancing back at you.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

over the first few weeks of school, you had somehow became close friends with park chaerin.

sure, she was a year older than you, and so much cooler than you, but you seemed to understand each other in a way that no one else has. she was quickly becoming your best (and only) friend.

you had learnt that she also comes from a not-so-great yet not-so-bad family like you. and she liked to cause some trouble. you most definetly weren't a goody two shoes- and you're grades were horrendous but not because you were stupid- but because you could care less about high school.

you learnt that chaerin was 'secretly' hooking up with park jay from the school's rugby team. at first, you had believed chaerin when she told you that it was solely sex, but quickly you learnt that there were feelings growing from her side- feelings that the imfamous park jay probably didn't reciprocate.

"god!" chaerin groaned out, sitting beside you against the concrete wall behind the school- the place where you had first met and had somehow mutally decided that the place would be your meetup spot. "did you see him not even look at me?"

"hm?" you asked, pulling out your earbud to hear the girl.

chaerin put her head against the wall, "stupid jay, i walked right past him and his stupid friends and he didn't even look. i mean i was right infront of him there was no way he didn't see me!"

you sighed, reaching out and patting your friends' knee. "maybe he didn't see you, why don't you ask him later about it?"

"i know what his answer is gonna be, 'what would the guys think if i looked at you?'." chaerin mocked in a deep 'jay' voice. "it's so annoying! he tells me he likes me and then pretends he has no idea who i am when we are in public!"

and chaerin's words are true.

park chaerin's reputation hasn't been the best at your school. she was known for being the 'bad girl'. the girl who parties a lot, and smoked a lot and had a lot of sex- which she says she hasn't but the rest of the school disagrees- and that she really didn't care about what anyone thinks of her.

chaerin thought she could live the rest of her life not caring about other people's opinions.

until she started hooking up with park jay.

park jay was the co captain of the rugby team. he was popular, and smart and athletic and majority of the girls and guys at your school wanted to date him. you could say that he was 'preppy' and comes from a rich family that owns a lot of buildings in your city.

chaerin didn't plan on falling for jay- and he most definetlly didn't plan for that either. it's not that he was necesarily embarrassed by hooking up with park chaerin- but he still didn't want people to know.

"i'm sorry chae, hopefully he will come to his senses." you tried to reassure her.

"no, hopefully i come to my senses and ghost his ass, maybe then he'll recognize me in public."

you smiled at her words, not getting a chance to respond, "he did mention that he told one of his friends about us, his best friend."

"oh really?" you asked, genuinely shocked at park jay.

"yeah, but he made the guy swear not to tell anyone else so i can't tell if it's a step forward or backward for us."

"it's a forward one, chae- now four of us know instead of three."

chaerin scoffed with a smile at your words, "yay, four!" she spoke in her usual sarcastic tone you had become familiar with.

she wrapped her arm around you, both of you looking out to the soccer field where a class of year 9's played a shitty game of soccer. chaerin smoked a cigarette as you listened to music- something the both of you had started doing together as you talked or sat in silence, waiting for the school bell to ring for another period to start.

-- -- -- -- -- -- --

you always liked listening to music. your interest had become a need to live over time since you listened to it so much. it broke the silence that had settled over you and your family. you found a comfort in it

you needed music when you were alone, when you were in a classroom full of people that you didn't know, when you were walking in the halls to the classroom full of people that you didn't know.

music could allow you to daydream as well. you got so lost in music that it helped you cope with the harsh reality of your life. you could imagine up anything you wanted with your ears being blasted by your favoiurite- and not so favourite songs.

and maybe that means it's not always such a good thing to do when you are walking around a bunch of other people while you're losing yourself to your day dreams because you crash right into someone and you're phone goes flying onto the hallway floors, ripping your headphones right from your ears.

you were more concerned about the ache in your ears and a possibly shattered phone than the person you had bumped into you, jaw going slack as you watch your phone slide across the hall.

"oh shit." you heard someone cuss, taking a step towards your phone before a person beats you to it. "sorr- wait you like one ok rock?"

you finally glance up at the boy who was now holding your phone, your headphones wrapped around his hand as looked down at your screen. he had shaggy brown hair and a pretty smile as he looked at you.

"uh, yeah?"

"no way, what's your favourite song?!" he exclaimed, not caring about the other students glaring at the two of you for standing in the middle of the hallway.

you couldn't focus on this question as you just continued to stare at your phone, wondering why he was still holding onto it so tight. when you didn't answer, he looked down at his hand gripping your phone and headphones.

"oh shit, sorry again." jake almost startled himself, hurridely handing over your phone.

"thanks." you nodded to him, rolling your phone over to see no scratches or cracks on it, noticing that the ambitions album by one ok rock was paused on the screen.

"y/n!" you heaerd chaerin's voice call you from behind you. you turned around and saw her face twisted into frustration. "let's go outside." she put two fingers to her mouth, signifying that she needed a smoke.

"o-okay." you nodded to her, quickly to put your headphones back in your ears, starting to rush to chase after your best friend through the halls to the back. "oh, my favourite's nobody's home!" you called over your shoulder to the boy, who only stared you with a confused smile on your face, watching how fast you ran for your upset friend.

you didn't stay to hear his response, taking his nod as a good enough answer before you made your way to your usual spot outside with chaerin, ready to hear what park jay had done now.

-- -- -- -- -- -- --

a day after bumping into the boy who knew one ok rock, realization hit you on how cute he actually was and how much you embarrassed yourself by literally bumping into him and then making him pick up your things for you. you didn't even say sorry to him!

you tried to remember if you had ever seen the boy around before, but your mind drew blank. his casual sweats and distressed plaid shirt didn't seem to be a fashion sense that you recognized around your school- nor did the pretty smile and brown hair.

you especially didn't think anyone would be interested in what music you listen to or what your favourite song was.

it had you up at night for even longer than usual. at least your insominiac brain had something nice to think about for once- a boy to imagine late at night as you listened to music and stared outside your window.

since that day, you had tried to find the boy in the hallways, just a glance of him and maybe see who he hangs around with. but you never did. the brown shaggy hair was nowhere in your vision and it made you slowly forget about him after a week.

you think you had almost forgotten about him when chaerin sat down beside you abruptly against the concrete wall. today, cheerleading practice was occuring on the field in front of you.

"jay said something weird last night" chaerin shrugged, plopping her bag down beside her as she dug through it.

"about what?" you asked her, taking out one of your earphones.

"you."

"me?"

"yeah," chaerin pulled out a lighter from her bag, turning to look at you, "his friend said he said you with me and asked jay about you."

"what?" you asked again, sitting up straight, curious as to why you were ever a topic of discussion to anyone.

chaerin lit her cigarette, "yeah, jay said he didn't know anything about you though, he said his friend seemed annoyed at it."

"who's his friend?"

"that sim jake guy, he's on the rugby team, too."

"sim jake?"

"yeah, you haven't heard of him?"

you shook your head no, confused as to why a boy on the rugby team, would want to know about you.

your high school took sports very seriously. so as soon as you were accepted onto one of the sports teams, you would almost instantly be popular and accepted into a great university with a great scholarship.

"why would this sim jake guy want to know about me?"

chaerin shrugged, "beats me. he said something about bumping into you in the hallway."

bumping into you in the hallway.

"holy shit." you cursed, shock ripping through you when you realized who this sim jake guy must've been. "the one ok rock guy."

"the who?"

"i did bump into this cute guy like two weeks ago, he liked this same band as me, i didn't realize he was on the rugby team!"

"you think he's cute?" chaerin's jaw dropped.

"wait- not like-."

"oh my god! you think sim jake is cute?" chaerin squealed loudly, her voice bouncing off of the school's walls.

"shhh!" you shoved her, "be quiet! i saw him one time for maybe 30 seconds you cannot be going around saying i think he's cute or something!"

"okay okay." chaerin giggled at your embarrassed expression, "and hey, i don't care who you fool around with, or who you date, but if things with jake do ever happen, just be careful because his and his ex had a messy break up- shits still not resolved and it's been like five months."

"who's his ex?"

"lee chaeyoung." chaerin nodded towards the cheerleaders on the field, "isa. she's in my year."

across the field lee chaeyoung, who went by her preferred name as 'isa' stood a top three girls who all held her up in the air, her navy blue cheerleading uniform contrasting against her pretty, pale skin.

you knew isa was the most popular and prettiest girl in your school, it was hard not to notice her in the halls. it was as if everyone in the hall would stop and watch her walk past them, her beauty too controllng to look away from her.

"i didn't know she had a boyfriend."

you heard chaerin scoff at your words. "y/n, i'm sorry but but you don't know much about anyone at this school."

you tilted your head in consideration to her words, "that is true."

you and chaerin laugh as you continue to watch the cheerleaders practice their routines, the comfortable silence taking over until chaerin speaks again.

"do you want to come over to my house after school, there's not much to do but we could go swimming, my parents said it's the last weekend to use the pool before they close it for the year."

"sure." you agreed before the silence settled in between you again before fourth period's bell rang out.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

now, the two of you are in chaerin's room. you're walking around, looking at chaerin's belongings on the shelves. chaerin's talking about some drama at school again, and you nod along, not really listening. you look at the pictures chaerin has on her walls of her family. over the weeks, you have heard a lot about chaerin's family, you know that they don't always get along, but you can't help but wish she had a family this. at least they talk to each other.

"do you want to go swimming now?" chaerin asks from her bed.

"yeah, why not."

chaerin smiles at your answer and stands up to rummage through her dresser drawers before pulling out two bathing suits. she hands you a black bikini with a smile, "go change in the bathroom."

chaerin's black bikini was definitly chaerin's bikini as you looked at yourself in the mirror. chaerin was a lot more confident in her body than you were in yours. it showed majoirty of your body and curves in a way that you weren't use to. you force yourself to pick up you dad's old smashing pumpkins t-shirt that you basically live in and slip it on your body before meeting chaerin in the hallway.

chaerin's little brother, cheol, asks to go swimming with you guys, smiling once you agree that he can come. you help him apply some sunscreen. cheol already likes you, and it's partly because he can tell how much his sistr does. cheol has always looked up to chaerin, and it worries the family. everyone in their family looks at cheol like he is the innocent one of them all, like he is the one that won't be a screw up like the rest of them.

chaerin anad cheol ease themselves into the pool while you still contemplate whether you should go swimming with your shirt on or off.

"come on, y/n!" cheol shouts from the middle of the pool.

"okay okay, i'm coming," you climb the ladder and stand on the edge of the pool, looking down at your pretty friend and her brother, wondering how you became so lucky to become friends with a girl like chaerin.

"what. are. you doing?" a sudden deep voice says from diagonally behind you, startling you so you fall straight into the pool: head first.

when you come up from the water with a scowl on your face for who was the culprit that scared you, the frown dropped immidiately when you saw park jay and sim jake standing by the gate that leads to chaerin's backyard.

"we're swimming, what does it look like we're doing?" chaerin said sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

you turned away from the two boys, pushing your now soaked hair away from your face and trying to smooth it over you head. you wiped the cheap, shitty mascara you were wearing away that had most likely leaked underneath your eyes from the water.

"i can see that. why are you swimming in september, you're gonna be sick and then i'll have to deal with that, too." jay spoke out in frustration.

you heard chaerin scoff in annoyance, "god, you are so condescending, we are just having fun."

"whatever, can we talk inside for a second?" you heard water in the pool start to swish around as chaerin started walking towards the ladder so she responded to jay's question.

the two of them walked inside, a towel drapped around chaerin's body as jay kept glancing at jake to make sure he wasn't lookng at chaerin's bikini outfit.

cheol bursted out laughing beside you, smacking the water, "did you see the way you fell into the pool!" cheol said through his laughter, "head first!"

a smile spread across your face at his statement, glad that someone found your embarrassing moment funny. "hey, you better watch it! i'll throw you into the pool head first next!" you splashed water at the younger boy.

cheol laughed and splashed water back, drenching you again. "who are you?" his voice spoke out. you opened your eyes from wiping the fallen mascara again and turning to see that he was looking at jake who stood by the side of a pool with his pretty smile on his face.

"i'm jake, what's you're name?"

"i'm cheol," he said proudly, "and this is y/n, my sister's friend." jake turned and looked at you at your mini introduction.

"i know who she is," jake smiled and nodded at you, "and i like wherever you are."

"jake! come inside for a second!" jay's voice called out from the now opened back door.

jake nodded at you and cheol before smiling and walking to where jay had just disappeared to.

it took you a second to figure out what he had meant- but then you realized it was a one ok rock song. it was a song from your favourite album of theirs- and a song that really meant a lot to you.

cheol splashing water at you again, turns your mind away from the thoughts of sim jake liking the same music as you, and into water fight as you continue to splash the younger boy with both of you muffly giggling.

jake and jay end up staying longer than jay had planned. jay realized that chaerin had no food prepared to feed you guys, making him suddenly want to cook for you all. he avoided jake's teasing eyes as he started to look around for some ingrediants- and he most definitely avoided the love sick eyes chaerin was giving him- he wouldn't dare lose himself into them when jake was standing right there.

jake now stands in the ktichen, watching you and cheol in the window. jay had left to go to the convience store to pick up some final ingredients. chaerin went up to her room to change into something more comfortable than her wet bikini. with it being the late afternoon, the sun's setting behind the houses, leaving the sky smeared with dark blues, purples, yellows and pinks. jake watches you on the edge of the pool and he can't help but think that even with the sky being so many gorgeous colours, you are a million times more beautiful.

jay finishes the dinner quickly and hands a bowl of it to everyone. you help cut the pieces for cheol, as jay and chaerin talk or argue about something amongst each other.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

you are chaerin's house again this week, along with her brother, jay and jake. you've become comfortable enough to just walk in. you get along with everyone, although you've never spoken to jake since he told you his favourite song.

it was somehow agreed between you four (five if you include cheol but chaerin said he has no say in anything) that you'd all just sleepover at chaerin's house tonight. you weren't sure how to feel about it, never having a sleepover in your life. you can't even sleep at your own house so you don't know how you'd be able to sleep in someone else's.

the night went fast as everyone seemed tired from the long week at school. chaerin and jay settled into her bed, leaving jake in guest room and you insisted on sleeping on the couch, you didn't want to wake up anyone with your constant twists and turns and humming.

jake for once, struggles to fall asleep that night. he thinks he slept too much the day before- falling asleep right at 4pm when he got home from school and then fully waking up at 6am today. he lays awake in the guest bad, looking around the room, scanning the walls that he's never been in before. he's had a few sleepless nights before, turns out that tonight will probably be one of them.

soon, jake has had enough of trying to get the sleep he probably doesn't need much of at this point, and quietly hops out of bed and down the hall. he hears cheol's soft snores come from his bedroom as he walks by- and it makes him resent him in a way. he wished he could sleep like a little boy again.

in the living room, you're lying awake in your makeshift bed on the couch. you don't know if the reason you can't sleep is that you're uncomfortable sleeping in someone else's house or that you couldn't stop thinking about how big of a problem your trust issues are.

at this point, you just couldn't sleep- there was too much stuff on your mind. you got up to get you rbag, careful to not cause a loud noise that would wake up the people upstairs. you reach in a grab a cigarette that chaerin had given you a few weeks ago. you opened the off white back door and walked out onto the small porch.

jake walked down the stairs and noticed the backdoor open, glancing over at the couch and seeing that you were gone. he walked towards the door to close it, figuring that you had just left and acdidently left the door open.

jake saw you outside, sitting on one of the old wooden chairs as you looked out into the backyard. he watched you for a minute, trying to figure out why you were out there at this time of night. he creaked open the door, before stepping out onto the creaky plywood of the porch.

you jerked around, surprised that someone else was up at this time as well. you and jake looked at each other for a moment, unsure of what to do, and then you chuckled and patted the chair beside you for him to sit. jake closed the door behind and sat down, copying how you were sitting.

"what're you doing up this late?" you asked, concern laced thorugh your voice.

"couldn't sleep. what about you?"

"i couldn't sleep either."

you stuck your hand in the pocket of your hoodie and took out the cigarette and lighter. you stuck the cigarette in your mouth and lit it.

"you smoke?" carl asked, he knew chaerin smoked but he didn't take you for the smoking kind.

"yeah," you shrugged, "it helps me relax." you exhaled and offered the cigarette to jake, which he refuses.

you liked that someone was up with you at this time of night. busan always had someone up athis hour, no matter what, but it was nice to be up with someone beside you. the night was as calm as busan could get. the occasionally trian would go by, a car would drive down the street and sometimes a laugh would echo around the neighbourhood.

jake liked that you were the one awake with him. every once in a while he would take a little peek at you and notice something different. your cheekbones, the single freckles scattered around and how everytime you inhaled from the cigarette you closed your eyes, really taking in the moment. the smoke swirled around them and the smell of your shampoo from your hair made jake wish that this moment wouldn't end, but he's starting to feel tired again somehow.

"i heard you're on the rugby team." you said, breaking the comfortable silence between you tow.

"yeah, and a few other sports teams."

"do you like it?"

"yeah, i guess. i liked it more when i was younger i think."

the two of you went back to being silent again, both thinking of different things. jake thought about how his parents forced him into sports when he was younger and how he wished he had started playing an instrument instead. you thought about what your dad and mom are doing right now as you sit awake with sim jake.

"do you ever want to leave busan?" it was jake now breaking the silence.

"yeah, all the time."

"do you have anywhere you want to go?"

"madrid, in spain." you said, throwing your finished cigarette down onto the grass. "do you want to go anywhere?"

"anywhere in california with a beach."

"why with a beach?"

jake shrugged, setting his head on the chair behind him, "you know, hot beach chicks."

you scoffed at his response with a smile, "you think hot beach chicks would be into you?"

"well," jake thought for a moment, he had never been on a beach before so he doesn't know if he fits the requirements as a 'beach boy', "i'm sure one of them will be."

you nodded and laughed at him, "they said opposites do attract." you reached into your pocket again, untangling your headphones.

jake has thought about opposites attracting before- he's never been able to tell if its true when it comes to people. jake's tried to imagine his 'dream girl' before, but it's always been someone that was similar to him- never such a different person. he thinks that maybe you're the closest thing to his dream girl- but he has no idea how trully different you two are.

you're tired and wish you could sleep- and jake is tired and wishes he couldn't.

but still, you both sit outside on the porch, sharing a headphone as you both listen to one ok rock, your minds drifting to different topics once again.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

over the next few weeks, chaerin and jay started becoming closer to each other. you didn't mind jay, but you didn't think that it was that great of him to keep chaerin a secret from everyone except for you and jake. the two of them were always around eachother and when they weren't because jay had practice, chaerin would not stop talking about him.

jake and you started talking in passing in the halls, or at chaerin's house when chaerin and jay would go up to her bedroom together. overtime, it felt like jake was becoming your only friend.

jake has been going to your house almost everyday now. jake liked your house. it was quiet and he felt addicted to it. your brothers don't come home until late at night, and your mother is always working. your family could also not stand te silence tha thad crept its way into their house.

the two of them were up in her room like usual. you were looking at your window on your bed, your elbows propper up on the sill. jake walked around you room, picking up some things he'd find and ask questions about htem, only getting small answers from her.

slow music played from your record player. jake and you have found out that you share almost all of the same music taste.

"did you sleep last night?" you had opened up to kake about your insomnia, so when he asked you this question you weren't surprised.

"kind of, more than usual."

you like nights like these. the sun setting, leaving behind the neighbourhood for the night, and jake somewhere in your room with you. you like to think during times like this. you wonder what it would be like if you hadn't met chaerin- you probably wouldn't have jake then either. you try to remember what it feels like to get an actual nine hours of sleep. times like these are only toleratable because of jake. you broke the silence that you've been learning to like.

"come on, i need to smoke."

the two have gone to sitting by the window and sharing a ciagarette for weeks now. it realx's them, almost enough for them to feel okay. the bags under their eyes have begunt o fade since they started hanging out.

they've begun to rely on each other and it scared the both of them. they feel as if they're the only ones who understand each other.

now, the smell of your perfume and smoke surrounds them as they stare out into busan.

"what do you want to be when you're older?" you asks, blwoing smoke out the window. over the weeks, they've taken turns asking questions like this, similar the ones they asked when they first sat outside on chaerin's porch.

"a singer, maybe an actor." his reponse shocked you, thinking he'd say some kind of athelete or couch. you liked the thought of seeing jake on your tv, another way that he could comfort her.

"what do you wanna be?"

"i don't know, i like psychology a lot."

"that would be fun, maybe then you could tell me what the fuck's wrong with me."

you chuckle and nudge jake, "aw, ya know nothing's wrong with you."

"i guess." jake shrugs, and watches you inhale the cigareette. he does notice that he's been happier, but only when he's with you. when you're gone, all he wants to do is lay in bed and sleep. or think of her.

"i miss dreaming." you confess suddenly, having twenty minute quick naps doesn't allow you to really dream up anything.

"i don't. that's all i ever do- my mind doesn't stop with them its like overflowing."

they go back to silence as jake stares at you again, taking in all your pretty features.

"what?" you smile once you notice him.

"nothing."

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

jake wakes up at 7pm, succesfully sleeping through the weekend again. he expects the morning light to be seeping through his curtains, but realizes that it's too late for that. his thoughts turn to you, wishing that you were there with him. telling him that it's okay. nothing's wrong with you your voice is in his head.

he's gotten use to waking up in your bed and seeing you awake by the widnow. you'd be smoking probably, your earring's getting glimpses of the moonlight. maybe you'd be humming or painting your nails. but now, he's alone in his bed. the guilt beginning to wash into him again. he closes his eyes and listens to his family rummaging around the house.

"are you asleep?" his brother, jaesung's, voice invades jake's quiet room. the light from the hallway lightts up the room slightly. jake's eyes open but don't look at his brother. too guilty for not spending time with him again.

"no."

"are you okay?' jaesung's quesiton almost makes jake scoff. do i seem okay?

"yeah. 'm fine."

jaesung knows that his brother is lying. he's been worrying about him for months. the whole family has been. it hurts him. jaesung and jake have always been close. they would play video games together and watch movies. jaesung feels as if he's lost a best friend.

the older brother protectiveness is basically seeping off of him as he continues to watch jake lie in bed. it reminds him of his mother when they were younger.

"how's jay? or sunghoon? i haven't seen them around recently?" jaesung asks, but gets no response from jake. "or how's that girl? y/n?"

"she's tired."

the almsot silent horase hanswer from jake uneases jaesung as he tries to think of how to talk to this stranger he once knew.

jake use to party every weekend with his friends. he loved going out, and brightening up any room he walked into. he liked being popular at school, and having people cheer for him in the stands at any of his games. but now, jake feels like he'd rather stay in bed than do any of those things. sports have become a chore to him.

"do you want y/n to come over? i'm sure dad won't care."

"yeah."

and now you and jake have seemed to switch places. he's sat up on his bed, tugging at the string of his blanket, looking out his widnow. and you're wandering around, looking at his trophies and medals on his shelves. it's the first time you've been to his house. his room is what you expected; messy and there's clothing everywhere, papers thrown and the posters that jake's collected over the years are peeling off the walls. jake hasn't been able to clean his room since the summer.

"your dad seems nice." you speak from across the room.

"yeah, i guess."

jake wonders about your parents. he's seen a glimpse of your mom before when he was the way to your house. you don't talk about them often, usually changing the subject. he knows that they hurt you.

maybe thats why you and him bond so well; you both of sleeping problems and problematic parents.

"do you know what you're going to study in college?" you ask him, changing the subject.

"kineseology," jake stated, "it's the only thing i could really go for with all my history in the school's sports teams."

you nod your head at his words, "i'm sure you could do something else, you'll be good at anything."

jake scoffs, "maybe not anything, but there might be something else for me."

you continue to stare around his room, trying to find something else to talk about before you're standing up. "i think i should head back home now." you figured that you shouldn't overstay your welcome at the sim house. it was the first time you had ever been there, and it was already getting late into the night.

"you don't wanna spend the night?" jake asks, turning from his window to look at you, "i sleep at yours all the time it'll be fine."

"i don't know, j." you shrug, "my brother's been home all day, he'll be wondering where i went to this late at night."

jake hums in agreement at your words, "that's okay, maybe next time then."

"yeah, next time." you take a step towards his bedroom door. "have a good sleep, jake." you smile softly at him.

"be careful walking home."

"i will, i'll see you at school."

you close his door behind you, and as you go, you can feel a ripping in your heart.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

jake and you sit outside on their school's field, eating lunch together and day dreaming while listening to music. there's kids eating lunch on the other side of the field- and there are others that are kicking a ball around.

hallwooeen is just around the corner and the weather is resembling the holiday perfectly. it's gloomy, and leaves have fallen to surround you in a daze. although it's lunch, it feels like duck. your jackets are zipped up and you're sitting close to each other.

you pick up your sandwich and your mind starts to wander off again. you think about sleep and how it feels. you wonder if your brothers are okay. you wonder if they think about you. you hate thinking about them like this because you know they aren't. they've never been the closest siblings, especially not now with your parents basically abandonning you. being the youngest in your family, you feel like the rutt of them.

you would like to have a family like jake's; wealthy, loving and they don't avoid each other like the plague. you know about his dad and his brother, but you've never erally heard about his mom. you wonder what it must've been like to be held by a dad that actually loves you.

you watch jake out of the corner of your eye. the way he slowly eats, too caught up in his book to read fast. you wonder if he'll do his homework for once or go instantly to sleep when they get to your house after school. you wonder if he sleeps better at your house or his.

the breeze picks up and ruffles jake's books' pages.

"are you scared of anything, jake?"

he stops and looks up at you, paushing before he answers, "planes, or turbulance. stuff like that."

"why?"

"uh, i'm not sure. maybe that's how i died in a past life."

"ah, you don't believe in that shit do ya?" you nudge him with a smile.

jake does, if more than anything he does .he thinks about how his mother use to talk about her fear of cars.

"what are you scared of?"

"ghosts." you smile at each other, jake shaking his head at you before returning to his book.

the walk home is spent by you both complaining how it's too early in the year to be so damn cold. your hands are freezing and you want to reach out and grab jake. but something forces her not oo. you know how jake feels about girls getting too close with him. it triggers some memories of him and his ex. you like his warmth though.

the past week, you had been sleeping for a bit, but only when jake's there. it's the warmth from him you conclude. you finally feel not alone. his light breaths and the noises from busan are reminding you that you aren't going to be alone forever. you like knowing that jake will be there when you sleep.

when they step into your house, your brother, soobin, is sat at the table. he's reding a textbook and looks deep in thought. he glances at you two and mumble a quick 'hey' before you guys head upstairs to your bedroom to do your usual routine.

later in the night jake is laying down on your bed. his eyes are closed but he's not asleep. he's listening to you hum along to a song you both like as you lay your down onto your crossed arms on the window sill.

you were thinking about how jake use to date lee isa the cheerleader. you never heard anything about her from him. he's told you about everyone in his life except for his mom and isa.

jake's listening to you hum until you're not, making him open his eyes and look at your slumped over figure. "what're you thinking about?" he knows your habits so well now.

"you." you answer nonchalantly.

jake smiles and closes his eyes again, "yeah? and what about me?"

"you and isa." jake's smile drops at the mention of his ex's name.

"why are you thinking about that?"

he sees you shrug at the window, not looking at him, "you never mention her."

"well why would i mention her? we broke up months ago."

he hears you hum in response from the bottom of the bed where you sat cross legged, "did you love her?"

jake sighs at your question, rubbing his face in annoyance. he hated thinking about chaeyoung. he blames her for triggering his sleep problems. he blames her for him falling out of love with sports. he blames her for why his whole life isn't fair.

he knows that it's not right for him to blame her for everything. but he can't help. blaming someone else is so much easier than blaming yourself.

"are you tired?" he asks you, avoiding the question you had asked.

"i'm always tired." you mumble into your arm, your eyes closed.

jake tsks, "i meant aren't are you tired enough to try to sleep."

you pause and think for a moment, "i could maybe sleep."

"come lay down then." you hear jake ruffle the blanket behind you, flipping it over so you crawl in your blanket beside him.

your heartbeats quicken as you go under. the scent of jake completely taking over you even though you're in your bedroom. your back was facing him, trying to not get too close to him. you knew this was a bad idea, but when his arm reached around you to pull you close, tighetning his grasp on you, you just couldn't get yourself to push him away.

jake's thumb found a way to slowly rub circles on your stomach was showing due to jake's hoodie. being pushe dup your body from laying down. you that knew you should be stopping him, but you felt the clamest you have felt in years.

jake instantly fell asleep, having the best sleeps he has had in a long time. you tried to sleep, but even thought youw ere comfortable, you couldn't stop thinking about isa. you remmebered a month ago when chaerin told you her and jake had a really messy breakup. the way jake chagned the subject from her and being in love didn't sit right with you.

you felt like you knew mostly everything about sim jake, but you felt like he was holding something big back from you. you felt like you were holding things back from jake yourself.

you finally closed your eyes adn fell asleep in jake's embrace, hoping that when you woke up, everything would still be okay between you two.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

the next day when you both woke up, it was okay between you two. you got ready for school, and wlked to school together. you did't see your brother on the wy out, figuring that he had already left, possibly didn't even spend the night.

things at least seemed normal between you and jake. at lunch, chaerin came and sat with you outside. you hadn't see the black haired girl for a week, having been too caught up with her boyfriend. you figured that jake would make his way out and sit with the both of you, but he never came.

you thought that maybe he figured you wanted some alone time with your best friend. but, chaerin didn't really feel like a best friend anymore. all the times you had hung out at her house, and skipped classes together felt like nothing to you.

"jay said he wants me to meet his friends, finally." chaerin said, grabbing the cigarette from your hand and putting it in her mouth. "and god, when did you become such a smoker?"

you shurgged, "when is he going to get you to meet them."

"he didn't say." you rolled your eyes at her obliviousness that jay was definitly not planning on introducing them all any time soon. "and why do you keep looking over there, are you waiting for someone?"

"what? no, sorry."

chaerin quirked an eyebrow up at you, "how are you and jake anyways?"

"me and jake? we're fine, what do you mean?"

"what you're saying there's nothing between you and jake? i know you guys hang out a lot."

"we're jsut friends, chae." you rested your head against the cemente wall, looking at your friend.

"mhm." chaerin smirked at you, but decided to leave it at that.

jake didn't meet you at your locker at the end of the day like he usually does so you can walk home together. you waited for twwenty minutes before you realized he probably wasn't coming and you should just go home.

your mind began to worry that maybe you had upset jake- or weirded him out in some way last night. it was the first time that you two had shared a bed together and had actually gotten some decent sleep- or at least you had gotten some sleep, maybe jake didn't.

he didn't answer your text when you got home from school, so you figured or more so hoped that he had just fallen asleep and that he would get back to you later.

jake left school early.

he went to tell you that he was leaving at lunch, but he saw that you were sitting with chaerin and didn't want to bother you. plus, he knew that you would want to leave too if you knew he was leaving. and jake just wanted to be alone for a minute.

jake woke up with an anxiety in his chest that morning with you laying peacefully beside him. the scene honestly reminded him of chaeyoung and how many times they had slept together back when jake had an actual normal sleeping routine.

it made jake think of your question the night before 'did you love her?' and it honestly made him feel worse.

the whole reason him and chaeyoung broke up was because jake didn't say those three 'special' words back to chaeyoung. she gave him time to find out if he really lvoed her, but time didn't help those feelings develope. if anything they stayed stagnant even more.

their breakup was messy since everyone in the school knew about the two of them dating. isa was a popular cheerleader and jake was a popular athelete. he thought that chaeyoung and him were really similar, but infact, they had nothing in common at all besides the fact that they were both popular.

chaeyoung lost herself in the highschool popularity like jake use to. it was their breakup that brought jake out of that reality. he wished he could've stayed in it a bit longer-

but then he wouldn't have met you.

sure, he would've maybe seen you around since he knew you and chaerin were friends, but he defintely would have no gone out of his way to talk to you- especially if he was still dating isa.

jake liked hanging out with you. it was different than when he was with chaeyoung.

because while he dating her, he realized that when they were in public he was dating isa, but when they were in private he was dating chaeyoung. and he couldn't keep up with her double life.

with you, it was so much easier. you were yourself so he could be himself. at least he tried to be. at least he could be.

his whole messy breakup that involved the whole cheerleading team to scowl and glare at him everytime one of them saw him, and all of his team members to annoy him by asking 'how could you let the hottest girl in the school dump you?'. it really all had an affect on jake, and he thought that he was working on it- and it was easier to work on it since he was with you all the time.

he's started to rely on you and he's scared. he doesn't want to put his all into someone just for them to walk away- he thinks maybe that's what chaeyoung felt with him. but now he's too tired to think anymore and he just wants to go to bed.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

jake shakes awake on his own later on. the guilt and anxiety bubbling up too much within him that it wakes him up. he feels hopeless and stupid. why can't he shake this sadness away that has him feeling like he's sinking.

jake looks across his messy bedroom at his old rugby jersey and can't figure out why he's lost so much interest in it. he use to love running around and playing with the ball, now a days, he can't even pick it up.

his first thought is how he wants you. but he knows tha tyou're dealing with your stuff. he thinks to himself that he's just another bother to you- and he can't have himself relying on someone else.

and now jake is hysterically crying. for months, he's been feeling like he's been holding all of this in. it's like he's crying out his whole thought process. he's shaking in his bed and he can't seem to stop.

"jake?" jaesung's voice invades his bedroom again like the week before. "what's wrong?"

he doesn't get an answer as jake continues to cry. he can't even see jaesung because of the tears that are overflowing. it's not like he wants to anyways. he's been hurting his first best friend for months now.

jaesung sits down on the bedbeside his younger brother. a hand resitng on jake's shoulder, rubbing circles and shushing him.

it takes a few mintues for jake to calm down, jaesung staying with him the entire time- to both of them it feels like an eternity.

"move over, let me lie down."

the sim brothers lie on their backs and stare up at the posters on jake's ceiling that you had taped back up properly fo rhim. it's silent between them. jaesung struggles to find words to say. he's never seen anyone like this besides their mom.

"mom's probably disapointed in me." jaesung thinks outloud, mainly to himself.

"why you?"

"because i've let my brother feel like this for so long." jaesung pauses before continuing, "i've tried to help you, but i just never know how." jake reminded jaesung of their mother so much. theykeep their emotions hidden and never talk about it until it's too late.

jaesung hates it.

he hates that the trait has gone into his brother. a part of him wishes that he was the one to inherit it instead.

"i never know how, either."

it's silent betwen them again, until jake starts quietly crying again.

"i miss mom, jae."

"me too."

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

soobin is sitting at the kitchen table when you come downstairs in the morning for school. he's already dressed for work and it makes you scared to go downstairs- as if you were to you'd guys would fight like usual.

"hey soob," you say as you make your way across the kitchen to get your school bag. it's the first time in a while that you actually get a chance to look at your older brother. soobin and you are only three years apart, which is closer in age than your oldest brother.

when you were younger, soobin and you use to look both exactly like your mother. you all had the same eyes and lips, and dark, straight hair. your oldest brother looks identical to your father- and you wonder if he even sees your dad when he looks in the mirror.

"are you going to school today?" soobin asked with a surprised tone, he knows how much you skip it.

"yeah, i am."

"going to all of your classes?"

"yeah, i am." you roll your eyes at him with a smirk.

the conversation with your older brother resembles how they use to be before your dad left. it was like you were still close brother and sister instead of strangers that are somehow realted. you wonder if this would be the last time you'd see soobin for a while, him disappearing for a month is not uncommon.

"have a good day at school then, y/n." soobin stares at you, unsure of what to say to you as you stare back at him with your hand on the front door's knob.

you smile at him, "i won't." you wish you could stay at home with your brother for a little longer, but school is waiting, and chaerin said she had something important to tell you. "see you." the siblings nod their heads at eachother, and it already feels like they've gone back to being strangers.

at school, you ssat through your lunch confused as to why you hadn't seen even a glimpse of jake. chaerin sat with you at lunch where you only gave here vague answers to her new rant of problems she's been having with jay that you're sure you've heard before.

you walked past the rugby team in the hall and didn't see that brown shaggy head of hair that you had analysed so many times in your bedroom late at night.

you didn't even see park jay in the herd of athletes. the rest of them didn't like too familiar to you, but you've seen a couple of them in pictures on jake's shelves or in his phone that he showed you. the captain of the rugby team, lee heeseung, was the only one that noticed you scanning them as you walked by, earning a curious look from him before you walked away.

you saw chaerin at her locker farther down the hall, decieding to ask her if jay was at school today.

chaerin scoffed at your question, rolling her eyes and turning back to rummage through her locker for something.

"what?" you asked her, confused at her response.

"if you actually listen to me when i speak then you'd know he wasn't here." chaerin stated, "and why do you suddenly care about my boyfriend?"

"because i'm wondering where jake is i-."

"oh of course," chaerin slams her locker door shut, "jake this, jake that, whatever! i know that you guys bonded over... whatever sleeping problems you have going on, but you didn't have to ditch me for your boyfriend or whatever. i didn't ditch you, at least i try to tell you things but you're always caught up with jake."

"he's- he's not my boyfriend, chae."

chaerin scoffs at your response, shaking her head and looking away from you. "that's really all you got from what i just said?"

"no! i heard the rest! and i'm sorr-!"

"just leave it, y/n, i'll see you around maybe." chaerin turns on her heel and heads to class, leaving you standing alone in the hallway as the bell rings for last period to commence.

you really struggled through your last period, walking in late earning a warning from your teacher, stares from your classmates and worries about jake and chaerin on your mind throughout it.

as soon as the final bell rang, you went straight to jake's house. you've only been to his house once before, but you've walked him home a few times so you knew exactly where to go. you wondered why jake hadn't answered your text all day when everything seemed fine the day before.

walking up to the house, you see a boy that you had learnt the name of through jake, park sunghoon, leaving jake's house. he looked tired and his hair that jake described as 'always had to be perfect' was messy. he sauntered down the porch steps and started walking down the street away from you, not paying attention to the halloween decorations that people were starting to put out for the year.

you waited a minute, kicking the fallen leaves on the sidewalk before walking any closer to jake's house, contemplating whether or not you should really be doing this. but nonetheless, you walk up to the white front door of the sim house and knock.

an equally tired looking park jay opens the door. he looks much different than how he usually protrays himself in the hallways at school and on the sports field. you almost laugh at the thought that this is what jake and you must look like to other people with his messy hair and dark circles under his eyes.

jay looks confused to see you standing there but still greets you, "hey, y/n." "hi, why weren't you at school today?" you looked up at the rugby player. "no reason, just didn't want to go." jay hated lying, and he hated people who lied. but he realized that he had been lying a lot recently, not just to other people, but to himself as well. "is jake here?" you could hear jay's breath hitch as you asked the question he knew was coming. "um, i don't think you should see him right now. he's sleeping and was in a bad mood earlier." the silence between them was awkward and uncomfortable. you moved nervously on your feet, as if it was the first time you had ever spoken to jay all over again. still, you nodded your head, acknowldging what jay had said. jay looked over your visibly tense body. he scanned you from head to toe, watching your finger start to tap against your upper thigh. over the years, jay had come knowledgable to when someone tapped their finger against their thigh repeatedly: they needed a smoke. it was a common habit in the house he'd grown up in, "come on, let's go to the backyard."

- jay sat cross-legged, picking and playing with the leaves and grass on the ground. you lied beside him, blowing smoke rings. it was now a somewhat comfortable silence between the two, different from how it was minutes before. you watched the mid-afternoon clouds roll against the sky in a somehwat slow manner, your smoke mixing in. "did something happen last night with jake?" you broke the silence.

"i mean, he probably doesn't want me saying anything." you sat up as jay confessed.

"he doesn't want to see me?"

"not today, no. he's tired."

you sighed, "he's always tired."

you were sick of the game that jay was playing. you knew something happened and you wanted to know what. your first thought was that you had said something, or maybe sleeping in the same bed had triggered something in jake. if jake didn't want to be your friend anymore, he could've said it himself. you're used to peopole leaving.

so, you left jay playing in the grass and leaves and walked home. you held back the tears that were threatening to fall.

sim jake was now just some other person that left you behind. but still, jake's sweet laugh echoes through your mind.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- it has been twelve days since you had last seen jake. you haven't been going to school. you don't see the point in it. the only reason why you went to school before is now gone. you don't think you could go anyways. you haven't slept for more than an hour in five days. thes school has called your house to inform your mom about your absence, but it's no use because she isn't home. you've gotten use to the quietness again and you wish you hadn't. you try to not think about jake, but you can't help imagining him lying beside you in your bed laughing. his shaggy hair shaking with his movement and his warmth surrounding you. sometimes, you think you can really hear him calling your name, but you realize that it is just because you're sleep deprived.

today is halloween, and you knew what you would be.

you'd be alone, like you have been for the past weeks.

you spend you days quietly in your quiet house. you listen to the chaos of busan from your window. most days, you smoke your cigarettes and read the old poetry you found in your mother's drawers.

other days, you're in the bath, listening to the water run around you. you like to imagine then that you're starting fresh of everything. that when you get out, everything will be okay. but th eonly thing that will make all this okay, is if jake would be there.

when you find yourself in your kitchen, you sit up on the island looking out the window into the backyards of the neighbourhood. you sit there for a while sometimes, and lose track of time so easily. you feel like you sit therre for give minutes, but really it's been an hour. everything moves by so quickly. you use to like being alone in the quiet, but now it's just so lonely.

tonight, the sky darkened quickly and kids in halloween costumes swarmed the streets. you kept the front porch light off, not wanting any kids to come knocking on the door. you sat on the couch,watching true romance. with the house being so still, you welcomed the company of the tv. the movie was at the part where clarence had fought alabama's pimp. his face being showed as bloody and his knuckles sore. you couldn't help but think of jake, knowing how hurt he got when his rugby team broke out into fights with the opposite teams.

when the movie ends two hours later, you fall asleep on the couch. the way you've been falling asleep recently is a lot different than how you used to. you're called up in a ball, a frown on your face. when you're actually asleep, you dream of carl for a moment.

it's always the dame dream: he's alone in his room, on his bed with an unlit cigareete in his hand. tears have been streaming down his face for hours, frustrated with himself fo rnot being able to be who he used to be- that happy jake that everyone loved. then, you walk into his room. his face lights up automatically and pats a spot beside him, motioning for you to sit with him. you curl yourself into jake's side, his arm over your shoulder. he lets the cigareete drop from his hand and onto his messy floor.

and then he falls asleep happily. you like that thought: the thought of how you're the only person-the only thing, that can get jake to sleep with a smile on his face.

you feel wetness on your face suddenly.

"y/n? y/n!"

your eyes open, and you realize it's raining and dark outside. it feels like you had been asleep for days, but inr eality it had only been two hours. a sensation of coldness runs through your body,making you shiver.

a feeling of warmth being placed on your forearm makes you turn your head to side.

"jake?"

"are you okay?" you stare at him, not believing that after two week, he's standing in front of you. "come on, let's go inside." he wraps his whole body around you, trying to keep you warm from the rainy halloween night.

you lay in your bed, blankets upon blankets cover you. your head is titled so you can look out the window,f acing away from jake. he sits on a chair that he has brought up from downstairs.

he watches you, your eyes glow from the streetlight through the window. the bags under your eyes have never looked worse and he wonders how much you've slept in the past weeks.

it's been quiet for a long time between you two. jake notices that it's the smae kind of quiet that's been shed thorgh his house. his dad and jaesung are home more, but they barely talk anymore.

jay and sunghoon have been around a few times. heeseung even came with them once. jake can tell that something is wrong with them all- its like they're keeping a secret and he's the only one that's not in on it. he was still grateful that his friends came and cheked up on him, but still all he could think about what how happier he'd be if he was with you.

"how did i end up outside? how did you find me?" you finally speak, breaking the silence.

"you were standing at the corner, just staring. i saw you on my way back from the convience store."

for the past week and a half, jake has been going to the small store late at night. he wanders the aisles, trying to find something to distract himself from thinking about you. he thinks it worked at first, picking up random choclate bars and wondering where they had been before, but then he remembered he had seen you at his exact convience store before.

it was the summer before, jay and him were there, picking out drinks that they could bring to the party with them when the door's bell chimed, signifying that someone had come inside the store. jay was bent down, skimming over the pop flavours and reading them out to jake while he glanced over his shoulder at the door.

jake saw you start wandering the aisle by the cash register, smiling at the man behind the counter. jake remembers thinking how cute your messy hair was as it wrapped around your headphones. he thought you were cute with your shaky hands reaching out to place a single chocolate bar on the counter and paying.

jay distracted him then, handing him multiple bottles of soda for him to hold. he turns around just in time to see you leave the store, your messy hair turning the corner towards his house.

jake wondered then that maybe if he hadn't met chaeyoung that night at the party, maybe he would've thought about you again, went back to that convence store and see you, ask you about what song you were listening to. maybe then he wouldn't feel as shitty as he does now.

jay told him that you haven't been going to school either, which worried him. he wanted you to get good grades and to graduate. he wanted you to go to college and study psychology. he wanted you to be successful and get out of busan unlike him, who would be stuck here forever.

jake's been in your room a relenteless amount of times before, but now, it's sitting in this chair as if it's his first time over again. your damp hair is sprawled out around your head on your pillow, your old, wet clothes are hung up in the bathroom and you're wearing one of jake's old shirts that he had left over on accident a few weeks ago.

"i missed you, y/n."

jake smiles, the same pretty smile that you've gotten used to. it makes your chest hurt at the thought of how much you've missed it.

"did you?"

jake nods, "i thought about you a lot, and i'm sorry we had to stop talking for a bit."

it's silent in the room again until you throw open your blanket on one side, patting the spot next to you. "it's okay."

jake slids into bed next to you, covering his body up and now laying so your arms were brushing against each other.

jake closes his eyes, and you imagine that he's thinking about what it would be like if they had never stopped talking. how close would they be now? how many more inside jokes and songs would they have known?

"i'm really sorry though, i am. i just-." jake pauses, making you turn your head to you're looking at eachother. "i had some shit to deal with, and i didn't want to bring you into it."

your faces are close to each other as each of you scan the other's face. you've been close to each other like htis before, but this time is feels different. it feels like you're being sucked into each other, like you're slowing being pieced together forever. you bite your lip before asking, "are you okay now?"

"yeah, i am, but i-."

"then, it's okay. and let's sleep, because i'm tired and i feel like i can actually sleep tonight."

"why tonight?"

"because you're here."

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

jake and you decide to skip school when you wake up the next day. the rain from last night has stopped, and left everything dampened and feeble. it almost feels odd to be around each other again, like you're forbidden to be together but there's nothing actually forbidding it.

jake falls into your routine almost instantly; sitting around your house in silence, but not alone anymore. you're smoking as he reads beside you, music from your mothers record player is filling the lack of conversation.

you want to ask jake what had happened exactly that made him turn away from you. you wanted to ask if it would ever happen again and should you prepare for it. you had so many questions to ask but you kept quiet. if he wanted to tell you then he would. he's said he's sorry and you aren't sure if you're just naive to believe it or not. but you do, and you're so glad that he's back beside you.

you glance over at the book that jake had found in the old bookshelf you have in your house. your dad used to read to you all when you were younger, he's the only one that ever kept up with the collection of books on those shelves. now, they go untouched- the first person to even look at the thing in years was jake.

he's picked up romeo and juliet, you can see the star-crossed lovers on the faded cover. the pages are yellow from the oxidation over the years- and it makes you think when did your dad buy the book.

"why're you reading that?"

jake puts his thumb on the part of the page he was on and looks at you. "i don't know, it's good." you make a disgusted expression on your face, making him laugh. "have you ever read it?"

"no, but i know what it's about."

"okay well, i'll read it to you and then you can see what it's really about."

you shrug before bending over to the table and putting your cigarette out in the emty coffee mug. you move so that you're laying down with your head in jake's lap, romeo and juliet is just above your head as jake opens the book and begins to read where he left off at.

..."my bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep. the more i give to thee, the more i have, for both are infinite."...

-- -- -- -- -- -- --

walking into school for the first time in three weeks was nerve wracking. not many people at your school knew of your existence, but the stares you were receiving were making your hands shake in your sweaters' pockets. they were most likely staring because sim jake had returned too and was walking next to you, but still, their eyes never left yours.

you couldn't tell if jake was as nervous as you. you figured that jake was use to being in the spotlight. he was used to having everyone's attention on him as soon as he walked into a room. but that was before he got depressed- before the dark twisted thoughts started seeping into his mind and made him confused on who he really was.

you feel jake's hand slip into your pocket, latching onto your hand and lacing his fingers with yours. you figured he had felt your anxious behaviour beside him, it was something you had noticed he picked up easily ever since you became friends.

there was a split of students in the hallway, everyone moving out of the way when they saw someone coming from behind them.

isa stood in the middle of the hallway infront of you and jake. her high ponytail swung down and over her shoulder as she kept an unamused expression on her face. her arms were crossed over her chest, covering the school's logo on her cheerleading uniform. her eyes scanned you and jake, leading down to where jake's hand disappeared into your pocket.

jake ripped his hand away from you, seeing the way isa's eyes turned darker at the phsycial contact between you two. your heart clenched at the action, but you knew it was probably for the best of your and jake's lives at the moment.

"hi, jakey." isa spoke with a fake smileon her red lips. jake answered with a quiet greeting back, trying to avoid her eyes. "so, who's this?" isa looked at you, "and why are you holding her hand?"

"we're friends." jake's statement is short but to the point and for some reason it makes your chest feel empty. like there's a dreading feeling growing there and you aren't sure when it started.

isa's face contorts into a disgusted expression as she looks at you again. this time you can tell she's judging everything about you as her eyes look you up and down, resting longer on your hair before looking back to jake. "i thought you had a better taste in friends but i guess i was wrong."

you tried to hold back your laugh at her words, looking down at your shoes biting your lip. she was so bold, so opionated that she obviously didn't think more about her words before she speaks.

"why is that funny?" isa speaks to you, stepping forward so she was right in front of you. you look up at her and can only shrug. "do you agree? are you self aware that you look like shit?" the rest of the cheerleaders laugh behind her. "do you know what concealer is? god those bags."

"chaeyoung." jake spoke out with frustration.

"what?" she looks away from you, "god you need some concealer too." she shakes her head and steps back from you both, "what the fuck do you guys do together to look so awful?"

"do you have to be a piece of shit?" you all turn and see chaerin standing beside you now, an annoyed look on her face as she stares isa down.

"oh great, the school's ashtray is here." isa rolls her eyes, the students in the hallway start laughing.

"well," chaerin starts, pulling out a cigareette and putting in her mouth, "at least i'm not the school's slut." the laughing stopped instantly at chaerin's statement.

"me?" isa points to herself in shock, "i'm the slut? what about you? you go around fucking everything in sight!"

"you better shut your fucking mouth, isa." jay cuts in suddenly, walking in front of you all to stand before isa. "just for once, shut up." you could see chaerin go frigid as jay spoke in front of you.

"what the hell are you doing, jay?" isa asks, her arms crossing over her chest again.

"i'm obviously telling you to fuck off."

isa scoffs, "and why's that? it's not like you've even seen jake in months. all he does it run around with those two... things." she nods your head at you and chaerin.

"because he's still my friend," jay turns and looks at jake, making eye coontact with you, "they're both my friends. and she's my girlfriend," he points at chaerin, "so like i said before, shut your fucking mouth about any of them, or better yet, just shut up about everyone and mind your own business!"

the students gasp when chaerin comes beside jay, wrapping theier arm around each others backs.

isa scoffs once again before looking at jake over jay's shoulder, "you're an idiot for losing me, jake, i hope you realize that." she turns on her heel and disappears down the hall, her cheerleader friends following behind her.

the bell rings to start the day of classes, making the students groan and start heading their class. it leaves the four of you in the hallway together. all looking at each other, unsure of what to say.

it's chaerin that breaks the silence first, "i'm sorry, y/n. for our fight a few weeks ago."

"no, it's okay. you were right, i was being a bit selfish when it came to my feelings."

"no, i was being selfish. all i ever did was talk about me, i never even gave you a chance to speak or ask how you are."

"it's okay, chae, don't worry about it."

"we're still friends?" chaerin asks sheepishly, playing with her hair nervously.

"of course, we are!"

chaerin grins at you before wrapping you up into a tight hug. "good! because you're like my only friend besides him!" she points at jay who only rolls his eyes. "and i can't believe you stood up for us! where the hell did that come from?"

"she deserved everything i said," jay explains, "i don't know why she think she's so above everyone." jake stays quiet beside you, both of you watching chaerin kiss jay before they say their goodbyes to you quickly, chaerin pulling jay down the hall as they giggle.

"are you okay?" jake asks you, "i'm sorry for what she said, i should've said something, but-"

"jake, it's okay, i don't care what she said about me." jake nods, kicking the floor gently with his foot. "are you okay?"

"yeah, it's just weird that that was the first time i've spoken to her since we've broken up, i guess she's still mad at me."

"she'll get over it."

jake scoffs, "yeah, and hopefully soon."

"i'll see you after school, right jakey?" you ask, mocking isa's nickname for him.

jake only nudges you before walking away with a genuine smile. you watch him disappear down a hall, before you head outside. you were already late to class, so you might as well just not go,

maybe you'll go to second period.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

it rains for majority of november. everyday jake and you are sharing an umbrella as you walk to and from school together. he holds the umbrella so you can smoke. sometimes you hold the umbrella as jake finds a good song to put on as you share headphones.

it still rains the day that jake has somehow persuaded you to go to a party with him. he has been feeling better recently. he's still quiet at school, but he spends more time with you laughing then he does reading and listening to music in silence. his smile makes you feel better andyou wonder if he's picked up on that habit of yours like he has with your anxious tics.

the sky is a dark navy blue as you walk with jake to the party. the neighbourhood has been quiet for the rest of the afternoon, the night will most likely remain just as quiet for it. you wish you could say the same for you, aware that your night will consist of loud teenagers and the bass of probably shitty music that you nor jake are very fond of.

jake holds your hand until you arrive at the party, pulling his away when you step inside lee heeseung's house. you've noticed that jake doesn't hold your hand in public like he does when you're alone, but you don't bring it up to him, knowing that you probably won't like his answer as to why he does it.

jake says he'll see you in a little bit when you both find chaerin and then he's disappearing into the crowd of people that go to your school but you have no idea who they are.

you and chaerin are sitting on some chairs close to a window at the backdoor. you're imagining that it's just you and chaerin in this house, and you're waiting for jay and jake to return for you both. you ask her about cheol, and if he still wants to join the army when he's older.

the sun officially set an hour ago, so now the backyards are only light up by the street lamps. there are a few kids in the backyard; a couple kissing on the bench swing, two girls taking turns drinking out of a wine bottle and boy smoking by himself in the far back corner. even though the music is loud and every now and then there is a too loud of a scream from someone; it's relaxing.

you let your mind start to wander again. it's the first time in a while that you let yourself think about deep things. it starts with your parents, and then your mystery brothers and then jake.

you've thought about being jealous about jake's life every now and then. you almost always get over the feeling, but it still stays in your head. it's the way he's always been popular, and good looking and how he gets the prettiest girl in your school to fall for him. it's the way that he can sleep while you can only sleep for a few hours if he's the one that holds you. you've heard him talk in his a sleep a few times, the mention of the word 'mom' slips out his mouth the most often, followed by jaesung's.

you're glancing around the party then, easily finding jake being the centre of attention. you watch him, feeling creepy and guilty as you do it. it's like you're watching him from a time in his life that you weren't apart of. like he doesn't know you exsist and he won't want you watching him. it's almost like you're spying on him. he's laughing, throwing his arm over some guy you've never seen before but figuring that the two of them are friends.

you're wondering then what will happen tonight. will jake realize that he misses all the parties he's always gone to? will he realize that he doesn't belong with someone like you? you wonder if he doesn't need you anymore. he has been sleeping regularly and laughing more. you wonder if the change in him after tonight will be like clockwork; inevitable and easy to happen.

"y/n," chaerin taps your shoulder, gaining your attention. the girls blackhair is braided back tonight, letting her pretty facial features be noticeable. "are you okay? you're shaking." chaerin's still been keeping an eye on you for the past month. she's also noticed that jake's been feeling better, but you seem to stay the same. the dark shades of purple under your eyes have dissapeared, but she knows you still aren't up to your best point, yet.

you become aware of your shaking knees and hands, making them stop at once. "yeah, i'm fine." your brush your sweaty hands against the fabric of your jeans. you glance back at jake for a second, seeing that he's already staring at you now. you aren't sure if he caught the worried look on chaerin's face for a second, or your fake smile at her afterwards, but he's noding his head at you for you to go somewhere together.

"i'm gonna go with jake for a second." chaerin nods, leaning back in her chair again and relighting her cigarette. you walk over to the front of the living room where jake stands waiting for you.

"you wanna go outside?"

the early december air is cold on the balcony of lee heeseung's house. you and jake sit side by side on the couch, your hands brushing against each other in a way that you both don't want to be the first one to grab the others' hand. your hair is down and messy again, something that is unpreventable, but in a pretty way. in a way that jake is sure you have no idea about, but he understands it more than anyone else ever will. from a far, they most definetly look like just friends but upclose it's evident that there is something deeper between them in a natural light.

"what's your favourite song? of all time." you have listened to the same music ever since you were born. you grew up listening to your dad's rock bands and your mother's classic 80s records.

"probably scary love by the neighbourhood. or something that would piss my parents off. they don't like my music very much."

"they don't like rock or alternative music?"

jake scoffs, shaking his head, "most definetly not, they were always the good-two-shoes type of kids in highschool and college- rock music was not something they listened too." you nod your head as you listened to him. "what's your favourite song? of all time."

you think, looking up at the starry sky and imagining yourself being able to only listen to one song for the rest of your life. being able to be content with that one single song. music was something that controlled your life, you couldn't do anything without it.

"i don't know, there's so many good songs. so many songs that make me happy."

"yeah, i figured you say something like that." jake laughs, taking a sip from his red solo cup.

'what does that mean?"

"it means that i've been with you almost everyday for three months, if you don't have your headphones in then you're using that old ass record player."

"music sounds better on that old ass record player."

"music sounds better when you're drunk." jake tips his cup up and finishes it, you only smile in return.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

the walk back to jake's house is silent besides your few huffs of struggle from holding jake up. he's too drunk to make any real conversation at the moment. you've both been sleeping pretty well lately considering your old sleeping habits, that you wonder how jake will sleep tonight. you hope that after tonight the way looks at you while be the same one that he has when he watches you smoke out the window while humming.

when they get inside jake's bedroom finally, he plops down immediately on his bed. you see that his room is still undesirably messy, as if he doesn't even notice it anymore.

jake strips off his sweater so that he's in his jeans and t shirt. his hair is just as messy as your own as he flips over onto his back. the moonlight outside is shining in through his window and is the only light in his room.

you watch him the closed door of his bedroom, like the first time she did when she came over. you've never seen jake drunk before, but you've heard stories of it. he always made being drunk sound like something fun- but the memories you have with your drunk dad are the opposite.

"you're beautiful, y/n." he smiles that pretty smile of his at you, but his eyes are more slugged then they usually are.

you only scoff in response as you make your way to his bed, grabbing his duvet so pull it over him.

"do you not believe me?"

"not really, no." you said, tucking in the blanket,

"you are though, so, so beautiful." jake closes his eyes then, and you're staring at him in the moonlight, taking in his cheekbones and heart shaped lips. you want to tell him that he's beautiful, too.

"you're drunk." you stand up away from him. "i'm gonna go home so i'll see you tomorrow if you're not too hung over."

"don't go, y/n." you turn and stare at him, his eyes look worried as your hand rests on the door knob. "just spend the night, you know we sleep better when we're together."

you sigh and thinka bout it, you've never slept over at jake's before. he smiles at you from his pillow when you're standing over his bed again, untucking the blanket you had just tucked. you're slipping in carefully beside him, his cologne engulfing you. jake tucks your hair behind your ear, moving it away from his face so that he could see you.

"thank you." jake whispers out, as if it was some sort of secret that no one else could hear.

you chuckle, "you don't have to thank me."

"yeah i do," jake nustles his face into your shoulder, "you're the reason i'm happy."

you try to think of a response, feeling your heart start to beat faster at the spoken words you had only imagined him saying before. before you can think of anything, you hear his soft breaths in your ear, his body going limp beside you as he starts to sleep peacefully.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

jake wakes up in the morning with a headache. the night before was the first time that he had drank in months, and he had drank a lot. all he can think about when he wakes up his how thirsty he is, he needs an advil and where are you.

he reaches down on the floor beside his bed to grab his sweater that he had thrown off the night before, getting easily frustrated when he can't find it, forcing himself to sit up and look. he's taken abakc a bit when he sees that his room doesn't even look like his room anymore. it's not necessiraly clean, but the garbage and clothes all over the floor are gone and his desk is tidy of any papers and pens thrown on it. he instantly knows that you did it, no one would.

jake walks downstairs and finds you sitting at the table with jaesung and his dad. they're smiling as they talk to you. it brings jake a sense of something he's never felt before. he can't help but compare them to when they had first met chaeyoung. they weren't as happy to see her, they didn't like the way she acted or spoke or 'bossed' jake around.

the creaking on the floor under jake's feet made them turn and look at him, their smiles growing bigger when they saw him. "hey." they greeted him back, asking him how he slept.

jake stood beside you, you stared up at him, "i'm gonna go now, soobin texted me and he wants me home."

"okay, do you want me to walk with you?"

"no, i'm okay." you head towards the door, saying bye to jaesung and his dad. jake leans on the wall and watches you put your shoes and jacket on, before opening his front door for you.

"thanks for getting me home safe, and cleaning my room." jake smiles softly, almost like he's embarrassed to say thank you now.

"it's no problem." you step out onto his porch, "i'll see you tomorrow, at school?"

"yeah, tomorrow, be safe, y/n."

"i will." you turn and start to go down the stairs of the porch until he calls your name once again. "yeah?"

jake scratches the back of his neck, "i uh, i meant what i said last night." you tilt your head at his words, "the uh, i think you're beautiful and you make me happy, i wasn't just drunk and saying shit out of my ass."

you smile up at him, "okay." you nod, "i'll see you tomorrow, j. have a good sleep tonight."

"you too."

jake closes the door then, taking a deep breath for no reason in particular. he wonders how will he sleep tonight now that you're physically gone, because he knows you'll be taking up his mind.

your mother is already home when you get home and she is not in a good mood. you can tell how she is as soon as you get in the door; she's sitting at the kitchen table with her hand on her forehead, pushing back her hair. soobin is sitting beside, leant back in the chair and looking like he wishes he could be anywhere but there.

they both look up when you close the front door. your mother looks like how she always does; angry but pretty.

"where have you been?" your mom asks you, "i got home last night and neither of you were here, do you even live here when i'm gone?"

"i was at a friend's house, i slept over." you shrug off your jacket and hang it up, trying to avoid your mother's angry gaze. you glance at soobin who is picking at a loose thread on his sweater. you stand beside the table, looking down at both of them now.

"which friend is this?" your mom turn her nose up at you, "because you smell of men's cologne and cigarettes."

"jake."

"a boy? you slept over at a boys' house?" you mom exclaims, shock on her face. "were his parents home?"

you hold back a scoff at her questions, choosing to look away at the floor. "y/n, i'm talking to you." you look up at your mom with a bored expression on your face. "are you going to answer?"

"why do you care if his parents were home? it's not even like you're home or even a parent at this point." you see soobin look away with a grin on his face, knowing that your words were true and wished that he could say the same thing.

"i'm not a parent? then who raised you?"

"soobin, yeonjun, dad."

your mother sighs at the mention of your father, but chose to not comment on it, like she can't even say his name for some reason. "has anyone even heard from yeonjun?" when it stays silent your mom only sighs again. "well can you try to contact him, please? because i want him to know i won't be here for christmas."

"you what?" you and soobin exclaim but not moving.

"some coworkers and i need to go to cuba during that week to sort out a few details about a business plan."

"so you're going on vacation on christmas?" soobin deadpans, shaking his head at your mother.

"no, i'm going on a business trip."

"in cuba." you point out.

"for a week." soobin adds on. "why can't you just leave after christmas?"

"because we need to leave on the 22nd." your mother shakes her head before standing up. it remains silent as she gathers her suitcase and jacket. "well this is not how i expected to spend my day off. i wanted to come home to a house full of my kids and spend some quiality time together, but instead, no one's home and we fight! so thanks a lot!" your mother sighs, rubbing her forehead again because she's angry, "i'll see you later in the week, hopefully you'll be home then." she opens the front door, "and please, find yeonjun!"

your mom leaves you and soobin in the silence both of you have gotten use to. soobin avoids the silence at most times, spending nights at his friends' houses, his college or at his girlfriends' house. you're stuck in this house for another year, at least for some of it you'll get to be with jake.

you don't exchange any words with soobin as he starts to get ready to leve the house for the day, not bothering to tell you where he's going because you're already making your way up the stairs to your bedroom, trying to process the idea of spending christmas alone. the only reason your brothers came home for christmas morning was so that your mother was happy- but now she's not coming so it'll just be you alone in this sickly quiet house.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

you're use to spending the first days of winter vacation alone. your house not only is quiet during those days, but it gets extremely cold. you start this year's winter vacation the same way. you drink a cup of coffee, listen to your mom's classic records and take a bath.

you must take a bath during this time of year- it's become almost traditional for you. they make you feel cleaner and ready for the cold busan day.

after your bath, you usually sit on the couch, wait for the day to be over so you can do your whole morning routine over again tomorrow until the day your brothers and mom come home.

this year, it's different. after your traditional bath, you smoke around the house, waiting for jake to come over. it's become traditinonal itself- the way you and jake lounge around your bedroom as if it's a vacation just for you. both of you take short naps together throughout the day, knowing that it will just mess up your sleep schedule by the time school starts up again in two weeks.

today, jake comes over while he's hungover. you smile at him as soon as he comes in, picking up on the way his eyes are squinting from the sunlight reflecting off of the snow outside.

jake's gotten use to the little routine you two have going on. it feels familiar and good. he's likes coming over to you sat on the couch with wet hair, wearing one of his or your dad's shirts.

jake mumbles something to you about wanting to lay in your bed upstairs, away from all the windows down here that bring in all the sunlight that 'kill his head'. you follow him up your stairs, as if he's showing you his house instead and plops down on your bed with a sigh of relief. he moves over so he's against the wall, making room for you.

jake and you lay beside each other, he's telling you about the party he went to last night for park sunghoon's birthday a few days ago. he tells you he didn't plan on drinking that much but sunghoon always convinces him to drink more. you stop responding to him after a while, getting lost in your own thoughts. the thoughts about what jake does when he's really drunk and you're not around.

"what're you thinking about?" jake asks suddenly, putting his hand over yours to stop them from shaking, another habit he's picked up on.

"nothing." you shrug, because it really is nothing, the things you think about you don't even know if they are true or not.

"no, tell me." jake moves over so he's on his side facing you now. "i know when something's bothering you, so just tell me."

"how were all the pretty girls at the party?"

jake scoffs at your question, turning his head to look at the window before looking at you again. "are you being serious?"

"yeah, i am."

jake stares at you for a moment, in disbelief at your question, "none of them were as pretty as you." you could only look up at your ceiling, not having enough courage to look at the boy beside you.

jake thinks ever since he's met you you've been insecure about the way you look. and it's just something he's never understood. he thinks you're the prettiest girl he's ever seen. he wishes he could tell you that more, but everytime he does compliment you you just ignore him or change the subject. he wishes you could see just how pretty you were.

jake reached out and put his hand on your chin, pulling your face so you could look at him, "i mean it. you're the prettiest girl there is and i wish you were at the party with me last night- it would've been more fun with you."

you shake your head, "no, i would've made it more boring by complaing about the music choice."

jake laughs before going back to being serious, "you're pretty." he can tell you're about to shake your head no again so he decides to stop you.

his grip on your chin tightens as he leans over and presses his lips to yours.

it's a quick, soft kiss- a peck- and you barely felt it.

"you're pretty."

"j, i-." you're about to disagree again when he pulls you into a kiss again. this one longer, you could feel his heart shaped lips against yours as you closed your eyes and relaxed.

"say you're pretty."

you pause for a moment, "i'm pretty." you sigh out, making jake laugh as you shyly smile.

"say it like you mean it."

you pause again before stating, "i'm pretty."

jake hums in approval, "that's a good girl." he leans in for a kiss again, his hand dropping from your face to play iwth the string of your old sweatpants. when he pulls away again you both look down at where his hand is laying against your abdomen. "can i show you how pretty you are?"

you immediately nod, making jake chuckle softly before he untying yoru sweatpants and slippin ghis hands in over your panties. if it wasnt jake beside you, you think you'd be more embarrassed that you're wearing the purple, cotton panties that you've owned for maybe four years. but with jake, its comfortable, and you know he won't think anything different of you as fingers slide over the cotton fabric.

you feel like you and jake had talked about everything except your guys' sexual history. it was a topic that you had thought about asking each other, but never had the courage to do actually ask. "have you ever done something before?" jake asks you, his lips pressing softly into your cheek and down your jaw.

"yeah," you sigh out, trying to surpress the urge to moan at the way his fingers started pressing harder into your clit over your panties. "b-but, it's been- awhile." you feel jake smile into your neck at your confession.

"that's okay, baby, we can go slow." you nod as a response to him.

jake slips his fingers into yoru panties, his fingers meeting your core finally. you're so wet for him, his fingers easily running through your slit. he presses into yoru clit, circling it with his index finger slowly.

"it kills me that you think you aren't pretty." jake confesses now, biting softly on your neck. "i wish you could see how i see you."

"no one-" you surpress a moan again, "no one's ever called me pretty before-you."

jake starts to slip his index finger into your core, feeling your walls clench around it. "it's probably because you intimidate everyone with how pretty you are," you can hear his teasing tone in his voice, "you intimadated me when i first saw you."

he pushes in another finger into your core, his fingers reaching deep inside you, feeling all your walls as he curls them upwards.

you almost snort at his confession, "you thought i was intimidating when i- i, bumped into your and my phone went a-across the floor?" your voice was becomming high pitched when you spoke.

you felt jake shake his head at you, "no, i thought you were pretty when you walked into the convenience store with your messy hair and eye bags." he speaks between each suck and niip at your neck, surely leaving some marks for others to see.

"when- was that?"

"over a year ago." jake shrugs casually as if he isn't knuckles deep inside of you. "i've thought you were pretty for a while y/n, god you even feel pretty, you're so tight around my fingers."

"please," you moaned out, not sure what you were being so polite about as his thumb started rubbing your clit.

you groan and start rocking your hips against his fingers. his fingers start to pump faster in and out of you, creating a pleasant burn up itno yoru stomach.

his thumb continues to rub along your clit, his other hand playing softly with your hair on the pillow. his lips continue to kiss down your neck, his lips circling your collarbones.

"oh god," your hand flies down and holds onto his wrist, your head tips bakfc, your eyes meeting jakes as he looks down at you with a smirk on his face. "i'm gonna cum, jake." his fingers on your clit start to speed up.

"go on, baby, cum all over my fingers, i've been wanting you to for so long." he confesses once again, leaning down and kissing you as your body starts to go rigid from your orgasm hitting. your eyes flutter shut as your grip on his hand tightens.

jake slowly eases his fingers out of you, not wanting to overstimulate you. you watch as his puts his soaked fingers into his mouth, humming at the taste of you. "fuck, just as good as i imagined."

"that's so embarrassing." you whine out, taking his fingers out of his mouth.

"what is?" jake laughs, playing with the string of your sweatpants again.

"i didn't know you saw me at the convience store for the first time." jake laughs into your neck, kissing it once more before pulling away from you.

"well you looked pretty so it doesn't matter." you roll your eyes at him, before rolling over so you can face him.

his hand is still playing with your hair, relaxing you. you feel like you could fall asleep and stay asleep for a while with how content you are in that very moment.

"what are you doing on christmas?" jake asks suddnely, making you sigh out at the mention of the holiday.

"i'll probably be watching re runs of the same shitty christmas movies downstairs."

"with who?"

"no one."

jake sits up at your words. "what do you mean, no one?"

you roll onto your back again to look up at his shocked expression. you feel embarrassed to explain to him about your mom's actions. jake knows the basic knowledge about your dad, small stuff that you've brought up in passing, but you never speak about your mom. "my mom's going to be in cuba on christmas, i mean, she's in cuba right now and won't be back for a week, so."

"cuba?" jake asks you, "why is she in cuba?"

"a work vacation."

"where are your brothers going to be?"

"they only really come by on christmas to see my mom, so now that she's not coming i most likely won't see them."

"well you're coming to my house on christmas then."

you sit up at his offer, facing him, "jake no, i can't! it's like a family holiday, i can't be there!"

"yes, you can and you will! jae and my dad love you anyway."

you sigh, "i'll think about it."

"great!' jake leans over and kisses you quickly- like it's becoming a habit already and it scares the both of you in the best way possible.

"what..." you start, a quesiton coming to your mind before you're pushing it away.

"what?' jake asks, nudging you, "just say it! we've been through this before, i can obviously tell that there's something you're thinking about."

you pause, trying to think of the proper way to say it before you're turning towards the smiling boy, "what about, your mom? you never mention her, so, i'm just... curious."

jake's smile drops at your question, clearly not expecting the sudden mention of his mother. he lays back down then, his back flat on your bed as his head lands on one of your pillows. you lay down with him, turning on your side to watch him. you're about to apologize for bringing it up, ready to reprimande yourself for not staying out of other peoples' business.

"my mom died," jake pauses to think for second, "three years ago now."

your reach your hand over and grab his. you've seen jake in tired states, sad states and angry states, but never like this. he looks like he's about to burst into tears and never stop. "i'm sorry, j." is all you can say to him.

"it's okay, you didn't know."

"how did she pass?"

"in a car accident, some drunk driver- both of them died."

"god, i'm so sorry jake." jake grabs onto your hand tigher, looking at you with a solemn smile.

"it's okay, really. i'm glad you know now, i like telling you things, even if they are shitty like this."

you two fall into silence again, your room becoming peaceful again. you can hear the winter wind pick up outside, as the late afternoon glow fades from your room. yyou try to think about jake as much as you can before sleep seeps into you, taking over you and jake as your calm breathes mix together and your hands hold you together.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

jake wakes up beside you with a quick jolt. he hasn't woken up like this in a few weeks now. he can feel his heartbeat start to pick up and his breaths become uneven. he wants to reach out to you and wake you up, tell you that he's panicking, but he doesn't- he can't.

he can't tell you that he's panicking because of you. his emotions are becoming too much for him that he can't be here anymore. he somehow carely manages to get off of your bed without waking you, and slip out your front door.

he doesn't know what time it is, but he figures it's late with how quiet the busan neighbourhood is. there's a fresh layer of snow on the ground, and he can see his rigid breath in front of him in the air. his jacket his zipped up to his chin as he starts to walk. he doesn't know exclty where he is walking to until he's standing in front of lee heeseung's door and knocking.

heeseung opens the door with a tired looking expression on his face- as if he had just woken up. his faded pink hair is standing up a bit as he looks at an obviiously panicked jake in front of him.

"dude, what's wrong?"

"can i come in?"

heeseung opens the door wider instantly, letting his friend in from the cold, winter night.

heeseung sits jake down in his bedroom. jake had been to heeseung's house multiple times before. he looked up to heeseung in a way he's never looked up to anyone before. he was the captain of majority of the sports teams at their school, he's someone that everyone can rely on and jake's grateful he had someone like that at one point.

jake's sitting at heeseung's desk as heeseung is leaned against his wall on his bed. jake's looking around heeseung's room, it's been awhile since he's been in heeseung's room. it looks different, more clean, and there's pictures missing from the walls and books missing from the shelves. he notices the boxes packed ontop of each other in one corner.

"i'm packing for college, i know we have some months left, but i want to get it out of the way," heeseung speaks quielty, noticing the way jake's staring at the brown boxes. jake can only nod at his friends' words, too much on his mind to try to make conversation. "so, are you gonna tell me why you showed up at my house at 11pm or are we just gonna keep sitting in silence?"

jake almost laughs at heeseung, the way he usually does but he can't seem to make any noise or movement come out, "i've been talking to this girl."

"y/l/n y/n." jake jolts at the way your name comes out of heeseung's mouth so instinctively. "what? everyone knows you're close with her now."

"right," jake nodded, remembering isa's standoff with you, chaerin and jay a month ago. "well, i fingered her."

heeseung scoffs and closes his eyes for a moment, trying to not laugh at the way his friend is obviously not thinking straight at the moment, "okay, and?"

"and then i told her my mom's dead.'"

"did you tell her that you're mom's dead before or after she came?"

"after." jake stated, "god, obviously after."

heeseung put his hands up in defense. "so then what?"

jake paused and thought about it for a moment, "and then i woke up not being able to breathe, and that's happened a few times before but it's never happened because of y/n and now i'm here because i didn't want to go home because then i'd think of my mom and i couldn't stay at y/n's because then i'd think of y/n." jake rambled on, heeseung only nodding along as he let his friend rant to him.

it was silent between the two teenage boys, heeseung trying to think of a way to help his friend while jake was thinking of you. heeseung and jake had been friends since year 9, both of them loving sports. it was obvious then that they had a lot in common when it came to almost everyhting, and it was obvious now how much they had slowly started to lose everything that they had in common.

heeseung still loved playing sports, and hoped to go proffessional once they graduated in a few months. everyone knew jake didn't want to do that- jake hated sports now, and only continued on this year because he felt like he had to.

still, they had so many memories together that they remained friends, and heeseung wanted to help his friend at the very moment.

"so what's wrong with y/n that you panicked about her?"

"nothing!" jake rushed out, clearing his throat before calmly continuing, "there's nothing wrong with her. i just- i don't- god hee! i don't know!" jake put his head in hands. heeseung moved across his bed so that he was sitting closer to jake now.

"so, is there something just physical with you and her or is there like, emotional stuff, too?" heeseung asked, trying to figure out why jake was being like this.

"it's, emotional. more emotional than physical- wait no! i guess there's an equal amount of them, but still i'd rather listen to her favourite songs with her and read to her and make her laugh then shove my dick down her throat. but i wanna do that with her too! but i'd take listening to her talk about her favourite songs then a blowjob. i think." jake rambled on again, heeseung really trying to focus and help rather than laugh his ass off at his friend's rambling.

"so," heeseung starts, trying to process jake's words and his response, "you... love her?"

"what?" jake gasps, looking up from the floor to his friend.

"shh," heeseung slaps jake's shoulder, "you're gonna wake up my parents be quiet!"

jake brushed his hair away from his face, "i- i don't know if i love her."

heeseung almost laughs at his friend again, "did you hear what you just said about her?"

jake thought about his rambled confession he just told heeseung, thinking about how he had described you.

"you love her, jake." heeseung repeated, notcing the look of realization slowly creep onto jake's face. "and you're panicking because you've never loved someone before, it's obvious, man."

"holy shit," jake sat back in his chair, "i love her!"

heeseung sighed out of relief, laying back onto his elbows on his bed, "great! now go tell her that! tell her everything you just told me!' heeseung pointed to his bedroom door, "well maybe leave out the blowjob part- and the shoving your dick down her throat part."

"i can't go back!" jake yelled, before getting slapped by heeseung again to be quiet.

"and why not?"

"because- because, i don't know! what if she doesn't love me?"

"well, then i guess you'll come running back here so i'll keep my front door unlocked for you." jake turned and looked at his friend that had a smug look on his face, "go!"

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

you had woken up maybe ten minutes after jake had left. you woke up to a cold bed and an empty feeling starting to grow in your chest. you sat up in your bed when you realized he wasn't in your room or your quiet house. the snow was picking up and covering your window, blocking the moonlight from entering your bedroom.

you brought your knees to your chest, playing with the bottoms of your sweatpants by your ankles. you weren't neccessarily surprised that jake had left. he had sleeping problems of his own, and plus you were use to everyone in your life leaving you.

it felt like he was just another one of those people again. of course, jake and you had gone through three weeks of not speaking before- but this time really hurt. at this point, you were aware of your feelings for jake. they weren't covered up in a friendship like the first time he had left you.

your feelings were clear to you- and maybe not (definelty not) to jake.

you sat your elbows up on your window sill, lighting a cigarette, trying to relax yourself from the anxiety creeping up into your chest. you exhaled the smoke as you tried to find the perfect print of a snowflake on your window. you thought to yourself then that you would be spending christmas alone now afterall.

it soon felt like you were going into a haze of sleep deprivation, anxiety and nicotine. the coldness seepign through your window being the only thing to confort you and your mind into reality. you closed your eyes for a moment, resting your head on the window sill as the cigarette in your hand burnt out itself.

your thoughts were filled of jake and you. your imagined future crumpling down. your past together meaning nothing to him as you thought about all the times you had shared your headphones, listened to him read, and made each other laugh.

you seem to be reliving yoru past mentally, and you're stuck in it, trying to remember it all because for a moment it felt like that was the only thing you were going to have left with sim jake. your bedroom gets darker as the late night passes on, the smell of smoke fading out from your room. and then you are woken up from the long dream you were living in for a moment, and you feel a tear slip down your cheek.

"y/n?"

it's his voice. it feels like you're still dreaming with the way it sounds. like you're memories and sleep deprivation are playing a trick on you.

"y/n are you awake? i'm fucking cold."

and then he's silent again, the snow and wind outside being the only sound. his voice is coming from your bedroom door behind you.

when you speak again, your voice is softer than you remember.

"jake?" he doesn't answer. "jake, are you..."

"what're you doing?" his voice becomes clearer and it becomes evident that he's right behind you and you aren't having some sick dream.

"say my name again, please?"

jake's quiet for a moment as he stares at your slumped over body on your window sill, and then he carefully whispers out to you, like he doesn't want to wake you after you had just fallen asleep, "y/n."

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

jake crawled into bed with you afterwards, wrapping his arms around you from behind and pulling down onto the bed with him carefully like you were going to break.

"where were you?" you ask out, facing away from him as you let your body sink into his from behind you.

"i went to heeseung's for a second, i'm sorry. he kissed the back of your head, "i'm sorry i didn't mean to upset you." he kissed your head again, his arms tighetning around you as if he was scared you were going to run away from him.

"i thought-" you tried to control your breathing, wiping away the tears that were fallind down your face quietly, "i thought you had left me again- thought you weren't going to see me again."

"no no," jake shushed you, putting his head on your shoulder from behind, "i'm sorry, baby, i won't leave you again. i mean it."

"really?" you manage to ask out, your breathing coming back to a normal pace when you realize everything is okay still.

"yeah," jake states before pausing, "i love you."

and the words ring out into your quiet bedroom and ring around the walls until you're turning to look at him over your shoulder. he looks frightened, but sure of himself at the same time. you can hear him harshly swallow as he looks at you, trying to figure out what you're thinking.

"you love me?"

"yes." jake quickly anawers you, "a lot. and everything about you. and i've never loved someone before but i know i love you. i don't want to be without you in this life- and i mean that." his grasp on you loosens as you turn to face him.

"i love you."

jake grabs your face, pulling your lips to his for the tenth time that day. both of you feel like you could never get tired of just kissing each other like this.

"fuck, i love you." jake grumbles out against your lips before kissing your again passionately.

"i've loved you for a long time, i don't think i've noticed until recently." you confess, pulling away from him. "i've never loved anyone before either, but i know i'll love you forever if you let me."

jake smiles at you, pulling you into kiss him once more. your hips instinctly grind into his, not being able to stop the way he's making you feel at the moment. you've never felt so loved before by a single kiss.

your kiss turns into a loving and lustful one quickly. your hands running through his shaggy, brown hair that you've come to love.

"you don't know what you do to me, baby." jake mutteres, his hand leaving your jaw and roaming down your side to your rest on your hip.

you chuckle as your hands slide inbetween you two, going under his shirt and lifting it over his body. your eyes travel over his skin, loving the way it looks and feels. so many pretty moles to memorize as you kiss his collarbones.

you roll over so that you are on top of him now. jake pulled you closer and started leaving wet kisses overtop the hickeys he had given you earlier. you couldn't stop the low moans leaving your lips as you started to grind down onto his bulge.

you both felt rushed but knew you had all the time in the world at that very moment. your hands started to travel down his stomach to where his sweatpants were loosened on his hips. he smiled against your skin.

jake's own hands travelled underneath your hoodie, pulling it off to reveal your breasts. his hands instantly cupped them, tweaking your nipples as you arched your back into him.

"are you wet again for me, baby?" jake asks, with a smirk. one of his hands slipped into your panties like he did earlier, this time more confidently as he knew your body enough already.

you bucked your hips in pleasure as he started to thumb quickly at your clit again. your body still sensitive from early.

"j-jake." you whimpered out to him, arching your back.

you whined when he slipped his hands out of your panties.

"i want you to come on my dick this time, baby." jake explains to you, kissing you before flipping you over so that you were on your back. jake slides your sweatpants and panties off, you hear his gasp as his eyes meet your fully bare body. he's almost unable to stop staring at you before you remind him to take off his pants as well.

you wrap yoru arms around his neck as you feel his hard cock start brushing against your wet entrance. you instantly let out a moan as he enters you. jake feels his eyes roll back at the feeling of your bare walls on his cock. he pushes deep inside of you, making both of you having laboured breathing already.

"you feel so good, jake."

"yeah, feels like i was fuckin' made for you." jake starts to thrust into you with a steady pace. his eyes never left you, wanting to see how you reacted to him fucking you.

"fuck!" you gasped once he hit a certain spot, your voice going into a higher pitch. you grasped onto his arm when jake started to fuck into your faster, hitting your newly found sweet spot everytime.

you looked so pretty wrapped around his cock that he didn't know how much longer he could go withyou tightening so well around him. he's thought about this for so long- he just wants to be as close to you as possible.

"jake." you moaned out his name. you clenched around him as his thumb started to circle your clit again. he started to thrust deeper and faster at the same time, allowing you to feel every inch of his cock.

"are you gonna cum for me, y/n?" jake moans out your name as well.

"y-yes! god, jake." you intertwined your hands with his, coming on his hard dick with a loud moan. jake couldn't hold back as he felt you soak his dick- his own cum releasing into you at the same time.

"f-fuck." jake groaned out into your skin.

both of your hairs' were messy as jake pulled out of you, watching the way his cum dripped out of you, leaking onto your bed.

he ran his fingers through his sweaty hair, a smile on his lips as he looked at your fucked out expression. "fuck, baby, you're so good. so pretty, too." his hand was still holding onto yours as you both looked down at your ruined legs.

"you're cleaning it up." you spoke out, your head falling back down onto your pillow- sleeping wanting to fill your body for the first time in months from pure exhaustion.

"of course, baby." jake smiled as he kissed your forehead, letting go of your hand to go to the bathroom to get a warm towel for you.

you felt jake clean you up, and wipe your sheets before laying down beside you again, pulling your blanket up and over you before lacing your hands together- falling asleep in perfect content- knowing that when you both wake up you'll be happy.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

jake asked you to be his girlfriend a day later on christmas, not wanting you to feel alone on christmas ever again. he was right when he said his family loves you, they happily accepted you in with them on christmas day.

you seemingly fit in with not only his family, but his rugby team members as well. officially meeting thee lee heeseung when you went back to school after winter vacation. they all seemed to love you- just like jake (and jay!) had said they would.

you and jake continued to spend your days alone in either his your bedroom's, constantly finding new msuic to listen to together- creating new memories with all the songs. somedays, jake would make you tag along to a party with him, smoking out the window as he got shit faced with his friends- happily knowing that you would walk him home and tuck him into bed with you afterwards.

you had always heard stories about not becoming friends with seniors when you were younger than them- and you quickly found out why you shouldn't when the last weeks of high school for them were approaching.

it was sad helping jake pack up all his things for college- he, like the rest of your friends had gotten accepted to a college in seoul. you were happy for him! happier for him than he was happy for himself. he didn't want to go to college for kinesology, but he felt like that was the only thing going for him. he especially didn't want to go and leave you behind in busan.

on the day that he, jay, chaerin, sunghoon and heeseung had all planed to drive together to seoul, you presented jake with a gift.

it was a cd you had burned all your favourite songs on. because i couldn't tell you what my favourite one was, here's all of them :) - y/n

"fuck." jake said as he looked down at the cd, a warm but hurtful feeling playing along his chest before wrapping you up into a hug, "i'm gonna fucking miss you, baby."

"i'm gonna miss you."

"we're gonna call, and text all the time! and i'll see you on christmas break!" jake reminded you and himself, pulling you into a passionate kiss before sunghoon honked the horn of their van to tell jake to hurry up.

"get in the car or be ditched forever!" sunghoon yelled out the window, "some of us haven't had our first love yet and want to get on the road to meet their first love!"

you laugh into jake's lips as you pull away from each other.

"i love you." jake says sadly, scanning your face quickly as if he's gonna forget it as soon as he turns around.

"i love you."

sunghoon honked the horn again, "come on!"

jake and you let go of each other's hands sadly, watching as jake got in the car, waving goodbye to them all as they drove off down the street- leaving you alone in godforbidden busan.

and you've always hated busan.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

your insomnia got worse then ever before when jake left. it was something you couldn't deal with anymore. you had to stop going to school in fear of hurting yourself accidentally by the lack of sleep you were having.

you had started tossing and turning in your twenty minute sleep so much that you were waking up with bruises all over your legs and arms. you continously had nightmares about jake- and how he's going to leave you.

the long distance relationship worked between you and jake for the first few months. you celebrated your one year anivesary together on christmas- buying each other matching headphones.

you continously told each other that you loved each other- everyday over text. even if you hadn't spoken during the day at all, you could always count on him for texting you those three words.

you think now, that over time you had lost the meaning to those three words with jake. you used them so much that both of you didn't even realize when you stopped loving eachother.

you think you noticed it first on valentine's day after your one year aniversary. when it took jake all day to call you and say he loves you. jake got busy with school- and he got depressed with school. he told you a little bit about how he was feeling a first- how he hated the classes but needed this degree so he could get some sort of job.

after a while, it felt like neither of you knew anything about what was happening in each other's lives. you only knew the shell of the people you use to be and knew that you should say 'i love you' to each other.

your breakup happened not long after valentine's day- when he had forgotten your birthday. it had been a week or two since you had even spoken on the phone with eachother- forgetting each other's voices at that point.

it felt like your heart was being ripped in half when the clock hit midnight for the next day to begin, your brithday finishes and not a single call or text from jake had appeared.

you waited three days for a frantic spree of texts to be sent, saying how he's sorry and that he loves you, he's sending you a present right now and so on.

you didn't respond to any of them.

he called and called for a week, finally giving up when you hadn't answered after the 100th time.

jake ❤️ : i'll get you out of busan y/n, i swear i'm sorry. i love you

you didn't answer that text either, and ended up blocking your first love.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

when you graduated a few months after your first ever break up, you went to seoul for college. soobin helped you pack up your things and sent you on your way by train. you could tell that soobin was a bit sad to see you go- but at least he'd have the house to himself for once.

it took three days before you saw someone you recognized on your school's campus; park chaerin.

you hadn't really spoken to her since jake and you had broken up. over time, she had become more of jake's friend than your own.

"holy shit." chaerin said as she saw you standing in front of her in front of the school's fountain. she looked like she had seen a ghost. "y/n! what the hell are you doing here?" she wrapped you up into a hug, she tried to ignore the eye bags under your eyes and the awful paleness of your skin.

"i got accepted here, so, yeah." you sheepishly responded.

"holy shit." another voice spoke out behind chaerin, jay and heeseung stood there, their jaw's almost on the floor when they saw you. they ran and hugged you as well- jay lifting you off the ground before placing you back down.

after a few minutes of catching up you asked the question everyone knew was coming, "so uh, is jake, around?' you asked them, your hands shaking on your sides and you knew if jake saw you he'd know you were about to pass out from anxiousness.

"uh, no." chaerin spoke carefully, "he dropped out a few weeks ago."

"he said he was going to busan." heeseung added.

"busan? when?"

"three days ago."

"three days ago?!" you yell out, the noise from the fountain not making your voice too loud.

you groaned when you saw them all nod in agreement. you put your hand on your forehead with a sigh of frustration and anger filling your body.

of course you had to leave cities at the same time.

jake knocked on your door three days before that day, anxiousness filling his body at the thought of seeing you again after seven months. he wondered the whole train ride back to his hometown how you would react when you saw him standing on your front porch. he thought maybe you'd punch him, or yell at him, or simply not open the door.

he was not expecting a pissed off soobin to answer the door instead.

"what the fuck do you want?" soobin grunted out to him.

"uh, is y/n here?"

"nope." soobin said curtly, looking at jake as if he was ready to close the door on his face already.

"where is she?"

"seoul."

"seoul?! why?!"

soobin shrugged, "couldn't stand to be in busan anymore."

jake rubbed at his face in shock, not believing his luck.

"is there anything else you want to know?" soobin asked the younger boy. jake only shook his head no, "great."

soobin slammed the door in his face.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

the last time you had seen sim jake was four years ago. when he kissed you goodbye on new years and told you he'd see you that summer.

he did not see you that summer.

none of you had known where sim jake had gone after he left seoul. you had all figured he went to busan, but none of your friends that had stayed in your hometown had seen him.

you ended up staying in seoul for four years to finish up your music production degree at college. it had taken a lot from you, physically and mentally. your insomnia had gotten better over time, but you had startedusing your restless nights as a way to be productive and get your shit together instead of smoking your nights away.

during your years at college, you had stopped being friends with anyone you had been friends with in highschool. you had all fallen out of touch with eachother- none of you realizing that the only person that kept you together was jake.

the last time you had seen park chaerin was across the cafeteria during your third year at college. she had grown out of her 'gothic' phase of dressing and makeup style, looking more mature instead. apparently her and jay had stayed together- they graudated together but you haven't seen them since then.

lee heeseung dropped out of college during his second year- only six months of your first year. he had gotten a major opportunity to play football in america, so he took it in a heartbeat. he knocked on your dorm the night before and told you the news. he hugged you goodbye, and wished you the best as he took a final look at those godforsaken purple bags under your eyes.

when you had finally graduated college- you were done with seoul as well. it felt like you just hated korea all together- you didn't belong there- everybody and everything was the same.

you took the first job opportunity you got that wasn't in korea- but california. it was for a record label you hadn't heard of, but decided to take a chance on, maybe you could help the label a bit with your producer abilities.

it had been four years and seven months since you had seen sim jake- and you hadn't forgotten a single thing about him. he went through your mind several times a week- even when you knew he shouldn't be when you were in the middle of an exam.

it had been four years and seven months since you had seen your first love- and you were not expecting to see him on your first day at your first job in california.

sim jake still had his pretty smile and brown eyes. his shaggy brown hair was now shorter as it was slightly pushed back from his face.

you really thought you had lost your mind when you saw him- you thought that the sleep deprivation had finally caught up to you over all these years and had made you crack.

jake and you stood in front of eachother down the front hall at the production company, staring in shock as you looked at one another.

"y/n?" jake asked you first, not believing himself as he said your name.

you nodded your head at him, "say my name again, please." needing to hear it again to know you weren't dreaming.

"y/n." a smile spread across your face at the sound of the familiar voice.

"you guys know each other?" the young assistant asked you both as she stood in front of you, ready to take you on a tour through the building.

"yeah." you both respond at the same time.

"oh, that's good then since you'll be working together a lot." she stated, causing you to give her a confused look, "he's the singer you'll be producing music for."

and now you're sat outside the recording booth, listening to your first love sing about you into the microphone- producing your first hit song that would only be the start of both of your careers.

a smile on your face knowing that you'll be able to sleep tonight, since he'll be beside you, holding your hand.