Above All Realization...

...it's like I watched the setting sun, wondering about how to enhance its intensity, and in inspiration, my wings spread, enshrining it's daylight.

[happyheidi]

winter nights by Simon Byrne

[corporateworm-deactivated201909]

if you have a crush on a math nerd tell them you 

 them

[corporateworm-deactivated201909]

the graph of that equation is 

c’mon that’s adorable

[lyaed--rii]

It’s always interesting to come on here and see how much has changed.

I have put so many thoughts and feelings on this website throughout the last 10 years, and it feels weird to me browse here.

Anyway, maybe I should come back more to write things. I stopped doing poetry a few years ago. I don’t really know why. This is the most I’ve written online that I’ve been able to actually see. I guess I can be vulnerable and express myself more often... Writing more often like this could help mend my brain.

[lyaed--rii]

I’m thinking about going back to therapy. But this time, I want to go further. I don’t want to hold back my actual thoughts if I can help it. Days are blurring into each other, and I like having a voice about it. I stopped trying to talk about my personal stuff online because I know that no one really cares, but it is a coping mechanism to know that someone is listening. I don’t know, and at this moment in time, maybe I don’t care that much. Maybe this could be good for me.

[lyaed--rii]

It’s always interesting to come on here and see how much has changed.

I have put so many thoughts and feelings on this website throughout the last 10 years, and it feels weird to me browse here.

Anyway, maybe I should come back more to write things. I stopped doing poetry a few years ago. I don’t really know why. This is the most I’ve written online that I’ve been able to actually see. I guess I can be vulnerable and express myself more often... Writing more often like this could help mend my brain.

[oberynmartell]

tumblr staff has small [CENSORED] energy

[beggars-opera]

Everyone reblog this as much as possible over the next two weeks for good luck

[cwote]

The biggest lesson i’ve learned is, it’s okay. It’s okay to be kind to yourself. It’s okay to be wrong. It’s okay to get mad. It’s okay to be flawed. It’s okay to be happy. It’s okay to move on.

[odaro]

“We have a tendency to think in terms of doing and not in terms of being. We think that when we are not doing anything, we are wasting our time. But that is not true. Our time is first of all for us to be. To be what? To be alive, to be peaceful, to be joyful, to be loving. And that is what the world needs most.”

—

Thich Nhat Hanh | @wnq-philosophy

source: wordsnquotes.com

[cheesepress-deactivated20191231]

me picking up my cat: heehee i love you my little fat baby

my cat blinking in morse code: you will die at 8:03 pm est on may 28th 2068

[singajelly]

pastel girlfriends ♥

[dankmemeuniversity]

[universalequalityisinevitable]

[fugeeyamamama]

This man fucking gets it.

[change-for-time]

This is so incredibly important.

[kushandwizdom]

Fuck

[whatwhiteswillneverknow]

His legacy can be seen here, if you’re interested: https://www.thevenusproject.com

[lyaed--rii]

All I can think about right now is how certain events have led up to me, right now.

I had a thousand different versions of myself that I believed in, until recently where it all fell apart. Now I'm building from scratch by myself because I'm the only one who can build myself, in the end. I just have no idea who I am. I have no idea what is happening. Everything feels so unreal and so vague and so detached.

[lyaed--rii]

My therapist diagnosed me with derealization/depersonalization disorder, after a year of meeting with her.

I may only have a month left of that treatment, but we will get as much done as possible before next month.

It is impossible for me to know truly who I am right now. The good news is that hypnotherapy has allowed me to know the causes of it, when they began, why they began, etc etc.

Complex trauma caused derealization disorder, which was actually the slippery slope for depression and eventually, anxiety. It went untreated for about 8 years.

Depersonalization, on the other hand, is fairly new. Almost two years. I know exactly what caused it, too. I guess I'm still working around the events of fall/winter 2016-2017, and the hospitalizations after.

I need to know what these last two years has done for me today. Who am I now? What has become of my personality? What has become of me, because I don't even think I know today's date.

I'm doing the best I can, but things are looking north, I think.

[thegoodvybe]

[wombshaker]

Friendly reminder: Someone holding you accountable is not the same as someone “attacking” you

[creamynut]

*inserts hard pill to swallow meme*

[mshaari]