FUCKIN JINKIES

hi im cal and welcome to my personal meme hell

[markovchaingang]

(guy who's not at all mad about failing a coinflip 15 times in a row voice) i just think it's so wonderful how fallen london really allows you to get a feel for the full breadth of the probability scale

[markovchaingang]

(guy who's not at all mad about failing a coinflip 15 times in a row voice) i just think it's so wonderful how fallen london really allows you to get a feel for the full breadth of the probability scale

[energyprison]

Having a job is an awesome way to stay hydrated because you get so bored you start drinking water just for a little excitement

[kristina100000]

if you got a problem with me its your probble

[karvina]

variations on "feel old yet" meme:

lying (overshooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 36 years ago

lying (undershooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 7 years ago

lying by a ridiculous amount (overshooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 900 years ago

lying by a ridiculous amount (undershooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 15 minutes ago

real date of event no one reading was alive for: feel old yet? the great san francisco earthquake happened 118 years ago

real date of event no one reading was alive for or cares about: feel old yet? prince frederick henry died 395 years ago

event no one reading was alive for and also lying: feel old yet? the great san francisco earthquake happened 4 years ago

event that did not happen: feel old yet? brian mulroney was assassinated 48 years ago

event that did not happen and even if it did this would be a lie: feel old yet? brian mulroney was assassinated 197 years ago

real date of event on a cosmological scale: feel old yet? the sun was formed 4,600,000,000 years ago

lying on a cosmological scale (undershooting): feel old yet? the sun was formed 12 years ago

lying on a cosmological scale (overshooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 12,000,000,000 years ago

real date of a personal anecdote that only you know or card about: feel old yet? i made a really good stir fry 5 years ago

reversal: feel young yet? frozen 3 is coming out in 3 years

reversal on a cosmological scale: feel young yet? the sun will collapse in 8,000,000,000 years

reversal (lying about event): feel young yet? the first episode of spongebob will air in 3 years

reversal (lying about time, overshooting): feel young yet? frozen 3 is coming out in 8,000,000,000 years

reversal (lying about time, undershooting): feel young yet? the sun will collapse in 3 years

reversal (lying about time, really undershooting): feel young yet? the sun will collapse in 12 minutes

real date of a recurring event that wasn't very long ago: feel old yet? halloween was 13 days ago

lying about recurring event: feel old yet? halloween was 10,000 years ago

reversal of recurring event: feel young yet? thursday is tomorrow

reversal of personal anecdote: feel young yet? my laundry is done in 52 minutes

real(?) date of a nonspecific event: feel old yet? something happened 2 years ago

lying about the reader (undershooting): feel old yet? you were born 5 years ago

lying about the reader (overshooting): feel old yet? you were born 650 years ago

making a reasonable guess about the reader: feel old yet? you were born 22 years ago

technically telling the truth about the reader: feel old yet? you were born between 0 and 120 years ago

threatening the reader: feel young yet? you will die in 7 days

non sequitur: feel old yet? half of all chameleon species on earth live in madagascar

non sequitur (lying): feel old yet? chameleons are immune to fire

lying on several levels: feel old yet? chameleons were invented 36 years ago

self-reference: feel old yet? i started writing this post 40 minutes ago

giving up: feel old yyet?th e emmenkr,tn dbw a 8 gn m hk\

i can't finish the joke someone else come up with a punchline: feel old yet?

declarative statement: you feel old.

subversive declarative statement: time isn't even real.

reference another meme: feel old yet? yeah. this is the beach that makes you old.

reference another meme specifically about injecting non sequiturs into long posts: feel old yet? the glue that lets you walk up and down anything was invented 36 years ago

[kuttithevangu]

Regardless of what’s going on with the current trans woman in media, there’s never really a GOOD reason to make a blog about how much you hate someone. Did they do something really bad? By which I mean did they personally directly harm another human being? Then blogging about it won’t help, and you’re just miring yourself in emotions that will make you unhappy and unpleasant to be around. Did they do something subjectively bad? Then making hating them your hobby STILL won’t CHANGE that PLUS now you’re harassing someone who didn’t even do a crime. Did they not even do anything and you just don’t like their vibe? I don’t like yours either!!!

[rabbiteclair]

weekends: ~105 days/year

planned vacation: 30 days/year

sick leave: 30 days/year

bereavement leave: 5 days/year

hangover days: 4 days/year

power outage/forget to set the alarm days: 4 days/year

doctor/dentist/optometrist/etc appointments: 8 days/year

'my kid's off school or something so I've gotta take time off to deal with them' days (convert to general vacation days if you don't have a kid): 14 days/year

'I just feel shitty, I'm not sick or anything but I do kinda just wanna lay in bed, maybe go for a walk later or something' days: 24 days/year

'if I come in I'm gonna bite somebody' days: 10 days/year

'this MMO expansion/game I've been waiting on for ages finally came out and all my friends without jobs are gonna be playing it and i can't fall behind' days: 5 days/year

'i just really need to get caught up on housework and stuff you know' days: 12 days/year

'today is just too nice to spend it all at work' days: 20 days/year

'but it's my birthdaaaaay': 1 day/year

'stayed up really late talking with someone on the other side of the planet' days: 25 days/year

'i've just been really into this personal project and I'd like to focus on it today' days: 15 days/year

'but I've got a tabletop session today' days: 52 days/year

'I'm pretty horny so I wouldn't be able to focus' days: 20 days/year

the remaining negative 19 days can be used for work

[petrow1tch]

they made the urn from deadlock gay

[cozy2000]

time to post my favorite far side comic of all time

[longseasons]

spongebob and patrick deserve what they go through with Squidward sometimes because they don't ever respect that squid's boundaries

[vunderjoy]

shooting his shot and missing due to yellows yellow-isms

[yamada-ryo]

wordle should have a give up button. I shouldnt have to open up a """""wordle calculator""""" just to find out what fuckass word they picked that day

[yamada-ryo]

[coughloop]

Opening a cafe called "I Want You...." where when you walk in the barista just looks at you like this

And you're not allowed to order

[pumpkincookie269]

[vixvigil]

it’s never a normal temperature anymore it’s always some fucking bullshit

[samlickereightyone]

MICHAEL MYERS WAS 21?????????????

[samlickereightyone]

he should’ve been at the clubbbbbb……..

[helloitsbees]

[diabloii]

hello everyone it is me the real Talor Swift i want to come out as gay and lesbians really badly but i need just a little more money so that i can pay my PR guys to allow me to express my 🏳️‍🌈. please send $500 to my venmo so i an finally make pride music. 0/$700