im probably nonbinary but i’m trapped in a seemingly endless loop of consecutive ego deaths as i am not able to become someone else and not able to kill myself as i try to escape my past and ultimately my identity, living stranger’s lives under stranger’s names, feeling manic and frightened, talking to animals and seeing omens in everything, until i by chance reach the part of america that is so widely idealized and mythicized by people with feelings like mine and having no further to run without leaving the country am trapped and in the care of people who have truly no expectations of me am able to comfortably and at my leisure integrate the experiences i have had over the past 2 years into my identity and come to terms with myself not as some chimerical evil and not as whoever the person i’m speaking to wants me to be but as a human being so idrc about that rn












