Light the fire in me.

I'm back, I guess. I'm going to attempt again to keep this all positive. I'm Elli. I'm 24. And life to me is a sequence of light and dark, and my goal is to learn to emit my own light when everything is black.

[lyrics4everything]

Trying to constantly rationalize in your head if the reason you can’t have any stable relationship because you can’t talk without calling yourself a piece of shit and telling people they must hate you and think all these horrible things about you is actually because you’re a manipulative piece of shit or possibly actually have bpd is a hell of a trip.

[heartbreakclubs]

lorde / writer in the dark

[lyrics4everything]

I can’t do this anymore

[lyrics4everything]

If everyone that still follows me wants to now unfollow, that is okay.  I’m using this now strictly to write letters to my best friend who won’t talk to me anymore.   C, Is it weird I’m so paranoid that somehow you’ll see this that I can’t use your name?  I saw what you posted and it just broke my heart.  You used to always come to me.  I want to reach out, I’m so scared of being rejected though.  I just can’t believe it’s like this, why? When I told you all that stuff two weeks ago, I said it would be different, because we got too close.  But I promised I wanted you in my life.  That I’d still A.L.W.A.Y.S be there for you.  I can’t deal with this.  Please. Please talk to me.  I fucking miss you.  I fucking love you.

[onlytwitterpics]

[lyrics4everything]

Having a friend up and never talk to you is very similar to them dying, except you can be somewhat consoled by the fact that they’re actually alive and okay.  But man, seeing the “boobs” all lit up on the way home, knowing you sent me that meme, and wanting to send you a picture so bad but remembering I can’t really fucked me up.  I miss you, C.  I really, really miss you

[lyrics4everything]

I can live without you but without you but without you I’ll be miserable at best.

[lyrics4everything]

I just use this as a journal now.  WHY does every song I listen too make it hard to breathe?  I can’t function anymore.  Everything is destroyed.  Or at least broken, in some way.  And I’m too broken and sad to fix it.

[lyrics4everything]

I can’t keep making sad music videos with stills from my own life.

[lyrics4everything]

I find the greatest irony in my life to be the fact that I always step in when people lose someone important.  A friend, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, anyone.  I am there for that person 24/7.  I legitimately try to make their life fun and show them there are people who won’t just leave.  Only to be left by that same person, every. single. time. I tried one more time to reach out, only to be left on read when I know you’ve been online all day.  Guess this is goodbye.  If that’s what you need to do, okay, but I hope the memories make you smile when you think of them.

[lyrics4everything]

I pour kerosene  on everything I love and watch it burn I know it’s my fault.

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I’ve got heart and soul and feeling but man I just wish I was pretty.

[lyrics4everything]

Lowkey I really miss the crazy life I was blessed to have for the past 3 months. I miss cuddling 5 people at once.  I miss 10 people dancing around me while I sing.  I (unfortunately) miss smoking cigarettes while holding my best friend while he cries on me about how hard life is because I’m the only one who will listen.  I miss the clanking of glass while taking shots with the most broken yet beautiful of people.  But of course, unfortunately, someone will come along and be the voice of reason and tell you that life is going to take you no where.  It was the best 3 months of my life.  Thank you so much babes for the memories.

[lyrics4everything]

I really miss my best friend..

[catchymemes]

[lyrics4everything]

“That doesn’t suit you.” “You’re basically a dead person.” I just don’t want conflict.  Talk to much, too loud.  Annoying, aggressive.  Talk too little.  “Awww, you’re so cute.  Loosen up.  Don’t be shy.  Open up.”  No one wants me to open up.  I’m too much and never enough all that the same time.  I’m done.

[vilebrat777]

BPD and depression bullshit

Imagining terrible things happening and then being scared that they will actually happen 

Feeling like your significant other doesn’t love you if they don’t message you at the normal time that they do 

Always having to tell someone when anything slightly bad happens 

Asking for advice then disregarding it completely 

Feeling motivated to do something and planning it all out but then you lose the will to actually do it 

Crying ALL THE TIME 

Only being able to remember the good things about past toxic people in your life 

Driving yourself into a panic attack from made up scenarios