dont ask me for advice

elizabeth

[lzbth]

real love is texting the group chat about removing a large & scary spider and receiving moral support & superhero gifs from the girls

[dennisyoubitch]

me while crossing the road

[varandra-deactivated20230907]

this spring is slicing me in half. like an apple. will not be explaining what i mean by this

[lzbth]

Me: takes three days to reply

Me, waiting longer than an hour for a reply: who do you think you are?

[lzbth]

[lzbth]

the haphazard release of this terrifying looking film is truly how 2019 deserved to end

[lzbth]

asos have put a floral lace bra in their secret santa edit. like. its a nice bra. but can you imagine? can you imagine giving or receiving a little floral lace bra for secret santa

[lzbth]

i told someone about this today and her response was ‘i wouldn’t trust someone else to buy me a bra! i don’t even trust myself to buy me a bra!’ and actually i think that was the correct response

[lzbth]

Happy birthday, Queen Elizabeth! it is very hard for me to put into words how special u are, how much I admire u and also how proud I am of u.I am only a year older than u and I simultaneously feel a big, protective sisterly-feeling towards u and consider u some sort of guiding light (esp when it comes to books - i have never not loved one of ur recommendations!). u are so beautiful and u are one spectacular woman and i wish u the very best forever and ever. sending u all the love

Oh man!!!!!! Thank u!!!!! My little heart. Thank you very much. Especially happy you have enjoyed some recommendations. Yay. Thank you thank you !!!

[lzbth]

unfollow influencers 2020

[lzbth]

just seen something about an insta post that says your shampoo might be making you gain weight so ive decided to advance unfollow influencers 2020 to right now. unfollow influencers 2019. if you want a deadline how about halloween. Like brexit. Influencexit 2019

[lzbth]

unfollow influencers 2020

[lzbth]

i feel my brain cells abandoning ship one by one as i explain our refund policy yet again in front of a customer who seems determined to make me cry whilst also calling me ‘love’ every third word

[lzbth]

this is inspiring. I am going to send all my work emails in this style from now on [x]

[lzbth]

by the time the fifth stranger at the wedding said ‘so is this going to be you in two years!!!’ to me i was really starting to wonder whether the happy couple would have their big day ruined by me climbing over the tasteful safety bunting and drowning myself in the swimming pool

[lzbth]

me: I'm very sorry but its sold out Customer: oh but I only wanted one me: yes I am sorry but it is sold out Customer: you mean I cant even get one? me: no, because it is sold out customer: not even one? me: no I am afraid not customer: are you sure? me: unhinges my jaw and releases a cloud of wasps

[lzbth]

today’s experience of womanhood is a constant desire to peel my face off and scream extremely loudly for extended periods of time. Relatable no

[lzbth]

me, late paying rent, gin and tonic in hand, ordering £60 of books on the internet 

[lzbth]

So game of thrones was. Uh

[lzbth]

like. it happened. there were some things