Yesterday I had a dreamt Tumblr started drawing Perry the Platypus humanized and he became a Tumblr-sexyman even tho he doesn't have a Canon human design yet. Then Disney made it canon and married him with Doofenshmirtz on a theatrical movie. Everyone cried and called it the ship of all time, blueprints, etc etc. And even casual people started cosplaying them. And making weddings themed after them. A floating sans head was there for some reason, whispered "February 1" and I woke up in a cold sweat
decided to make an entirely new post since my almafia oneshot's been through 3 revisions now, but hey!! it's on ao3 now!!! yay!!!!
almond mafia boss x roguefort right hand man au!! featuring their first kiss
context for this one since its a doozy. but roguefort (famous criminal/assassin known for going solo) gets injured and almond (mafia boss) saves them from dying and in return they stick around him in an effort to repay how kind he was to them and then they got attached. btw i know nothing about the mafia i just had a burst of energy <3
reminder roguefort uses they/them !! also hcing almond to be a he/him butch woman here but its not really that apparent. fuck it we ball
[2079 words]
"You're up late, aren't you?"
By the way Roguefort jumped, it was clear they hadn’t been expecting someone to come and look for them, but they hadn’t been very hard to find. He’d remembered the time they had offhandedly mentioned how they liked cityscapes, and he often found them by this very window, gazing out with the same curious look that they had now.
They tilted their head towards him, not meeting his eyes just yet - although, perhaps that was for the best. He wasn’t exactly excited to have this conversation with them, so maybe it would be easier if they didn’t look at him. "Customary for people with our worklife, isn't it?"
"I suppose." Almond paused. "What are you doing awake? I haven’t assigned any jobs to you at this hour.”
“Can’t sleep,” they replied simply, gaze flicking down to the windowsill, one hand pressed against the panes. “Also customary for people with our worklife, I’m sure.”
“You would be correct,” he said, looking over at the moonlight, before his gaze was stolen by their profile once more. “And if you don't mind my bothering you, I've been... thinking recently."
"That's dangerous."
He chuckled. "Not as dangerous as some of our other escapades."
"Right as always." Roguefort finally turned to look at him, their normally intimidating features softened by the glow of the moon. "May I hear what's on your mind?"
"Well, you've been here quite a while, haven't you?” he said. “Two, three months?"
They tilted their head at him, a curious look on their face. "You've been keeping track."
"Of course. And it's left me wondering... you haven't brought up leaving to go on your own again."
He was met with silence - not deafening silence, more of a thoughtful quiet, leaving him to keep on going.
"You're a solo act. Or, you were a solo act, before I offered you a place here. It's left me pondering whether or not you think I'm keeping you here."
"I don't," they interjected quickly, shaking their head. "I've never felt so."
"I’m glad to hear that,” he said quietly, almost too quiet to be heard, before bringing his voice back to a normal volume. “But if you did feel so, I was going to offer you the chance to leave."
More silence.
"Personally, I think you've repaid me in full," Almond continued, going over to stand by them. "You have no need to stick around anymore, if you don't want to. I will admit, I've gotten used to having you around, and it will feel... emptier without you, but you had your life before I came along. You will always have a place here, and an ally in me - you may come back whenever you please, and you will have my full protection."
Still nothing. Just a quiet intake of breath, one he might have missed had he not been so close to them before they finally spoke.
"No."
"...No?" he repeated, hardly daring to let himself enjoy the flicker of hope that came with a single word.
"No. I won't leave. I may not need to stick around, but I'd certainly love to." Roguefort finally met his gaze and smiled, their eyes crinkling adorably around the edges in a way that made his heart soften. "It's an unforgiving world out there. But... you make it seem less scary."
Their words left his heart aflutter, which wasn’t a feeling he was used to. He wasn’t used to feeling so vulnerable around someone before, and he was even more surprised when he realized he trusted them to not hurt him.
"That's what I do,” he answered finally. “It's what I've always done. Nearly everyone here has been scorned by the world that claimed to love them - I just gave them what they had wanted, what they had a right to."
"Which is?"
"Love. The feeling of home. The full trust of someone else, knowing they would always be there for you."
They chuckled. "You really are a mom at heart."
He couldn’t help but laugh at this. "Shut up."
"...Really, it's amazing, what you do. Sure, maybe everyone out there would disagree." They jabbed a thumb towards the window, towards the city outside. "But I think it's beautiful. You’ve got an entire family following your lead."
"Beautiful, huh?"
"Of course,” they said, leaning in a little closer. “I wouldn't stay if I didn't think so."
A small smile crossed his lips. "I can think of other things that are just as beautiful."
"Can you, now?" they quipped, raising an eyebrow.
"Mm. Personally, I've always been fond of solo acts."
Roguefort ducked their head at this, in a way that was endearingly shy, before looking up with something new in their eyes. "Call me crazy, but I think I prefer duets to solo acts."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
Almond reached up and brushed a lock of their hair back, fingers lingering in a way that made their cheeks go a little pink, he noticed. "Are you suggesting an audition to be in a duet with you?"
"Perhaps,” they breathed. “Perhaps I am. Perhaps the audition was ages ago, and you passed from the very start."
"So what does that mean for us?"
"It means I'm fond of you."
"Are you, now?"
They leaned down so that they were at eye level with him - when had they gotten so close? "I feel very strongly for you. That should be made clear."
"...I see," he said quietly, as an unexpected flutter of joy went through his heart.
"And you, Almond? What do you feel?"
His name had never sounded so sweet before.
"I feel as if we've been wasting too much time talking."
They grinned, looking so delighted that it was just impossible for him not to grin back. "I would agree. Why don't you show me what you would rather have us do?"
“Well, aren’t you bold?”
“I would have thought you already knew that about me. Solo act and all that.”
He liked the way they spoke to him now. As if they were his close friend, someone who could look after him the same way he looked after them.
“I’d recommend you drop the solo act. I can see it no longer fits you.”
“I see you’re awfully interested in a chance to duet with me,” Roguefort said, with a teasing lilt to their voice that just about stole his breath.
He hadn’t known they could be, well… playful.
The walls of formality and politeness between them seemed to fully crumble down, leaving behind the aura of what was once a business transaction.
Now, it was… something else. Something better. Almond could feel it, an unfamiliar sensation all the way to his core, yet welcome in a comforting way.
And he could tell they felt it, too.
“Who wouldn’t be?” he said softly, in a tone unlike any he’d used before with them. “I’ve never been more interested in anything before.”
They blinked in surprise, eyes growing a little bit wider. “Never?”
“Never.”
“Oh,” they murmured, barely a whisper in the night. “Oh.”
Oh, their voice. So breathlessly hopeful, like they couldn’t dare to believe what he was saying. Like what he was offering was too far out of reach.
That was all about to change. He wanted to make that all change.
Slowly, he trailed a hand over their wrist - causing their breathing to hitch in a way that made his head spin - up their arm, brushing past their shoulder, before cupping his fingers around the back of their neck.
They swallowed and glanced down at him as he brought his other hand up, too, linking his fingers together. “You aren’t about to start choking me, are you?”
That got a laugh out of him, which seemed to ease the tension in Roguefort’s shoulders. “Oh, never. I don’t think I’m strong enough to, anyway.”
An admission like that would be a death sentence if he were in unfamiliar clutches.
In front of them, though, it felt like a relief to say.
“I would hope you don’t find a reason to have to choke me anytime soon,” they chuckled, letting their hands drift over his waist, promptly causing his mind to blank. “I don’t want to give you any reasons to.”
“I… I could never hurt you,” Almond said quietly, slowly bringing their head down to his level. “I’m a healer at heart.”
“I love that about you.”
Could they get any more perfect?
“How long have you loved that about me?” he whispered, heart pounding relentlessly in his chest as their nose brushed against his own.
They thought for a moment, lip caught between their teeth in what was an undeniably cute expression of concentration, before finally saying, “I think I’ve loved it all this time.”
A smile broke out onto Almond’s face, bright and giddy. “You sure?”
“I wouldn’t say it if I weren’t,” they replied, tilting their head with a shy half-smile of their own.
“Just clarifying,” he said, pulling them a little closer, just so he could feel their breath on his lips.
It smelled like strawberries.
He let his eyelids flutter shut and allowed himself to savor the moment, to just live in the present with them. They were so, so close, a fact made more apparent when he opened his eyes and looked up at them. It felt like heaven to even be with them like this.
That was when he realized Roguefort had gone quiet, licking their lips in what seemed to be nervousness. Was that truly what was happening?
Were they just as terrified of screwing this up as he was?
Were they-
His thoughts were interrupted when they exhaled softly, and he looked up into their eyes. “There’s no easy way to ask this, but…”
“I’ve got time,” he said. “I’ll always have time for you.”
They smiled, their expression so unguarded that he felt himself melting. “Then, may I…?”
He knew what they were asking.
And they hadn’t even finished their sentence before Almond pulled them in, eagerly pressing his lips to theirs.
It was so sudden that it caused them to make a startled sound in their throat, which was somehow adorable, before they reciprocated so enthusiastically that it swept him off of his feet.
Roguefort was surprisingly gentle with him - or at least, they were at first, as if they were a little shy to truly lose themself in it. But it wasn’t long before they had become more comfortable, deepening the kiss and pulling him close so that they were pressed against each other, making Almond’s entire body shiver with need.
His hands went to cup their face, thumb stroking their cheek, which elicited a soft noise of surprise and only led them to kiss him harder, making him go dizzy with delight.
He was already cataloging this moment in his head, memorizing the tilt of their head as they kissed him, the warmth of their hands gliding over his waist, the way their eyelashes fluttered over his, the strawberry sweet taste of their lip balm.
The way they felt like home to him.
And yet, all too soon, it was over, and they parted with matching wide-eyed expressions of wonder.
His eyes flicked over their features, and he felt a little twinge of pleasure when he saw how red they were in the face. Like they’d been giving their entire heart and soul in that kiss.
And then Almond blinked and suddenly realized in that moment just how hard he was breathing, and how weak his knees felt - oh, lord, were they holding him up? How had they managed to get him trembling like this within moments?
How had he never met someone like them before?
“So,” Roguefort said quietly, with a look in their eyes that conveyed how greatly they’d enjoyed that. “I suppose a duet can be arranged.”
He let out a breathless laugh, before leaning into them and wrapping his arms around their middle. “Good god, you…”
“I’ve got you,” they said softly, making his heart swoon. “I’m here.”
“I know. I’m here, too.”
“Almond?”
“Mm?”
“I’ll always be here. For you.”
He smiled into their shirt, closing his eyes and listening to the rhythmic thump of their heart, almost in time to his own heartbeat. “Thank you.”
It was all he could say, but it was enough. He knew they understood what he felt.
He knew they understood just how much he loved them.
man if i had a nickel for every time martyn's been involved with an smp with lore involving wierd purple shit going on. 3 nickels. at what point does this man learn to walk away when he sees smth wierd and purple happening
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