tumblr’s own evil wizard!

༺ he/he/he ⟡ unreality ⟡ spells ༻ <|:^)

[evilwizard]

absorbs you into my crystal

how could you do that to me fuckmaster-unlimited

[natalieironside]

[Stomping around the kitchen talking into a landline phone] Oh, look who came crawling back. You nevah call, you nevah write, but now all of a sudden you've got time for your poor, sick mother. What kind of trouble did you get yourself in now? Was it that wizard and his tomes again? Oh, no, I don't wanna hear it. I don't wanna hear about any "unspeakable curse" or any "demon runeblade" or any "infernal demon-knights of Kal'Nurothas" or whatevah. You're just like your fathah.

[natalieironside]

"Ma! Ma, there'sa fuckin DRAGON outsideah the apahtment! MA!"

[dovesndecay]

[northirish]

All mutuals who understand my grand vision shall be entombed with me within my mausoleum if I ever happen to die

[medievaljournalist]

forgot to leave a note for my doordasher to bring a blunt weapon to get past the catacomb skeletons so congrats to whichever necromancer is about to get my banh mi i guess

[luetta]

something they never told me about adulthood: mimic keys will attach themselves to your keychain in the hopes you use them and they can have sex with your keyholes

[luetta]

bro thinks it isn’t fucking obvious

[luetta]

i left my keys outside for 5 fucking minutes are you kidding me

[wincingthenightaway]

[boop428-deactivated20260202]

Etruscan Wolf Head Helmet

6th Century BC

[thyrell]

training my large cat to attack neighborhood dogs so that i dont have to do it myself #solarpunk

[c-53]

Please take my white ass to anor londo

[shadowysiren]

*grabs you with my long gargoyle-like arms and flies off witj you*

[c-53]

Oh thank god hold me tight you scary motherfucker

[vintrkraka]

the worst part of christmas is that santa’s elves are only called that because they’re gnomes, which are a dwarven culture known for their use of the phrygian cap and their republican rejection of monarchy, and dwarves, also referred to as svartálfar, are a species of elvenid within the elf-clade. but nobody talks about this, because elf cladistics aren’t generally relevant to christmas stories and children can hardly be expected to grasp the nuances of extrahominid taxonomy anyways.

[vintrkraka]

the second worst part of christmas is the strong as fuck ice mummy

[headspace-hotel]

Asunder is basically the most classic way to be torn, and if you're looking to be cleft, in twain is a vintage but stunning choice

[greenlabcoat]

when you have a hammer everything looks like a guy you could kill with a hammer

[medievaljournalist]

ghoul hearts for dinner again

[two-wizards-in-a-trench-coat]

do you like my devices

[captain-price-returns]

[doomtemparts]

one of my friends in a discord server was talking about how they were nervous about their first scheduled acupuncture appointment. another friend offered to do a tarot reading for them. sent this picture.

[evilwizard]

weirdly i tend to come up with my evil plans biweekly fridays just around the 7:30 to 8:00 pm time slot EST