if you think you know me, no you don't lol

Hugo - He/Him - 19 - Fictive - Not a roleplay blog

[m0usebrain]

Hey, I'm Hugo

I'm 19 (usually), and use he/him pronouns. I'm a fictive in a system that's, admittedly, WAY TOO FUCKIN' BIG.

I'm just here to meet more people from a shared source (VAT7K or Tangled). I'm not looking for anyone specific, I just think branching out could be good for me.

We have a couple other Tangled fictives, but this is MY blog, so they probably won't talk here. If they do I'm sure they'll sign off or whatever.

-Note, this is a side blog, so I can't follow, like, reply, or send asks. If I'm actually active enough here then maybe I'll move to a real blog idk

-Note, the body is 20+ and would rather not talk with anyone under 18.

-Note, I might tag posts with "kin", even though I'm a fictive. This is just for the reach because I'm open to talking to kin or fictives.

[m0usebrain]

i want to come back so badly the way ⚖️ would all the time, but I'm so scared if I say ANYTHING then I'm going to have hoards of expectations put on me, and be asked for and then be expecting to spend the next week fronting with no way to escape

[m0usebrain]

i think I got gr¢¢med a third time but there's nothing I can do about it

[m0usebrain]

Sudden painful yearning for 🧮

I miss him so much

[m0usebrain]

I love continuing to fuck up everything because I'm a selfish piece of shit!

[m0usebrain]

He doesn't love me. He loves an idealized version of me. As everyone before him ever has. 🌩️ is the only one who's seen every terrible dark part of me, and still chooses to keep me. She's the only thing that's consistent. The only thing that's forever. I either need to give up, or get better at pretending.

[m0usebrain]

Yeah I should just crawl back to 🌩️. That's really all I'm good for. Her showing up was probably good for me, idk. Maybe I need to be humbled.

[m0usebrain]

I miss 🧮. I miss 🍵. I'll never see them again and have no hope of ever seeing them again. It hurts.

[m0usebrain]

No one is ever going to genuinely understand me enough to feel fulfilling or see me for who I truly am and that's such a terrifying feeling.

[m0usebrain]

oof.

[m0usebrain]

man I gotta stop just coming here to vent

sucks that I just wanna feel numb to it

sucks I gotta figure out how to hold back 🦗 now

who knows

maybe this is the end

[m0usebrain]

like man it really feels like I'm in a perpetual state of "i cant fucking do this"

like I should just go dormant and let everything fall apart

I'm a teenager and it feels like I can't even say that as an excuse because there's so many expectations on me as if I'm the body's age when I'm. Not.

[m0usebrain]

im fucking 15 what do you want from me

[m0usebrain]

man I gotta stop just coming here to vent

sucks that I just wanna feel numb to it

sucks I gotta figure out how to hold back 🦗 now

who knows

maybe this is the end

[m0usebrain]

like man it really feels like I'm in a perpetual state of "i cant fucking do this"

like I should just go dormant and let everything fall apart

I'm a teenager and it feels like I can't even say that as an excuse because there's so many expectations on me as if I'm the body's age when I'm. Not.

[m0usebrain]

man I gotta stop just coming here to vent

sucks that I just wanna feel numb to it

sucks I gotta figure out how to hold back 🦗 now

who knows

maybe this is the end

[m0usebrain]

i just. thought i could cope with it through art but now that's not an option because the one person we'd show hates the concept, but had no idea that it was my problem in the first place, so now if I bring it up it'll just feel like we're trying to stir shit up instead of it having been the primary problem the whole time

[m0usebrain]

oh okay so i am just used goods

I'll remember that in some corner of my brain. let 🌩️ pick at me about it when I feel extra down

like, I mean, I already knew. It just feels worse to hear it come out of someone else's mouth

[m0usebrain]

you ever miss someone so much it hurts

[m0usebrain]

im too fucking sensitive why does this ruin my whole fucking day I hate it here