to make it more lynchian can't you read

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bliss lane
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Mike Driver
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@macarenaing-madly-into-midnight
to make it more lynchian can't you read
I read something funny about rocky artificially increasing Graces lifespan and I wanted to doodle it ,,, okay thatās all
Heās so whimsical I love him
i got these knockoff boots online and instead of the brand name on the tag they have the name of an apparently nonexistent martin scorsese movie??? what the fuck
THE ORIGINAL? ON MY DASH
this post led to a series of events that had martin scorsese himself reacting to his alleged movie goncharov and it has less than 400k notes almost 3 years later?
One of my favourite bits of media history trivia is that back in the Elizabethan period, people used to publish unauthorised copies of plays by sending someone who was good with shorthand to discretely write down all of the play's dialogue while they watched it, then reconstructing the play by combining those notes with audience interviews to recover the stage directions; in some cases, these unauthorised copies are the only record of a given play that survives to the present day. It's one of my favourites for two reasons:
It demonstrates that piracy has always lay at the heart of media preservation; and
Imagine being the 1603 equivalent of the guy with the cell phone camera in the movie theatre, furtively scribbling down notes in a little book and hoping Shakespeare himself doesn't catch you.
Thou wouldst not downloadeth a car
āBecause the truth is, tech doesnāt have an image problem. It doesnāt have a message problem. It has an intention problem. Whatās wrong with the axe murderer who broke into my house is not that he hasnāt successfully persuaded me to buy into his narrative. Whatās wrong is that heās trying to kill me with an axe. Similarly, when you launch a product thatās designed to put millions of people out of work, block access to sources of verifiable truth, replace human creativity with slop, and lower the barriers to every sort of atrocity, the problem isnāt that you havenāt told the public a good story about those things. The problem is that you are trying to do them.ā
ā The 40 Most Rage-Inducing Problems in Tech
Everyone should be aware of nitter.net
for any address to twitter you can replace the āx.comā with ānitter.netā and you will be able to browse as if you have an account. Lifesaver.
Similarly, imginn.com works for most Instagram addresses. I still havenāt found one for Facebook.
SY Transmigrates as the Little Palace Mistress
I think I've seen SY get transmigrated into every wife except The Little Palace Mistress (or SHL) and I cannot stop thinking about how AWFUL that would be for him, especially if the System is being a dick about OOC stuff.
Personally, I love the transmigrates into a random wife fics that fuck a little with gender, but I also really like the ones that fuck a little with gender dysphoria (the LMY one I'm gonna link cos its so good, BREAKS ME) and I think that would be a horrendous situation to be in, because the Old Palace Master is the Old Palace Master.
So generic and/or SY transmigrates backstory: The Little Palace Mistress loses her mom early and then even though she is a cultivator and could be heir apparent minus stupid misogyny rules in a stallion novel presumably, is pressured into the role of a female noble basically since Huan Hua Palace is a rich asshole sect. And she's not allowed to be dirty and rough house or do fun cool weird shit like look at beasts and creatures. I love the idea of her and Gongyi Xiao being childhood besties and maybe since GYX is 'just a guy' he ends up being the only one that will let LPM pretend for a bit that 'her' name is Yuan and he's a shidi not a shimei.
Eventually SY gets around the OOC restrictions, but probably other than GYX he doesn't have a lot of outlets and has to still cosplay as a pretty bitch (much like he does as SQQ tbh). He's like the most popular shijie around and at some point SQH hears about the sweet lovely Palace Mistress that all of Huan Hua Palace shidi and shimei adore and is like what is happening???
The system REFUSES to let SY pick a different spiritual weapon which he thinks is bullshit but eventually is able to at least practice on swords a bit (cos you can't fly on a whip goddamit) but does get pretty cool and artsy with his whip. (Him and GYX secretly doing sword shit and giggling possibly also at some point getting caught and the OPM putting his foot down even harder about LPM being a proper lady).
And LPM is not allowed to participate in the Immortal Alliance Conference, which is also bullshit! SY is prepared to be part of the harem and just be less of a violent bitch to his sister-wives but he wants to meet White Lotus Binghe too! Maybe he dresses up as a boy and sneaks into the participant camp (maybe GYX helps, he's a GOOD DUDE after all and what is a story without someone else being hit by SY's wife beam). And SY gets to meet Binghe before the competition and also walk around the other Sect camps being completely unknown and having gender euphoria. He gets to nerd out with Binghe maybe about some of the creatures he might see (and ofc the System won't let him do anything cool like warn him, but maybe he sneaks some shit into his qiankun bag and is like I'm just spoiling my future husband it's flirting ok??? to get away with it) -- LPM gets outed by one of the HHP disciples visiting the Cang Qiong Mountain Sect camp and Binghe is like frowny face protagonist quick to understand brain and continues to refer to LPM as Yuan-shidi.
Of course he's imprinted by that point and then discovers all the shit SY snuck into his qiankun bag when he's in the Abyss and it's all useful as hell (pun intended) and he gets out maybe a year or two quicker and ofc goes to Huan Hua Palace. SY thinks of course it's the revenge scheme and is a little worried about his best bro GYX, but Binghe's just there to punt LPM's dad out the window and free him to live his life as the Little Palace Yuan.
and then they take over HHP, live happily ever after, and since I'm not writing this also resurrect both of Binghe's moms cos why not
Au where six and a half years after Shen Qingqiu pushed Luo Binghe into the abyss, a different powerful demon takes over the realm. In exchange for not attacking the sects he demands a treasure from each one. From Huan Hua he takes an ancient amulet, said to carry incredible power. From Zhao Hua Monastery he wishes for knowledge. And From Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, he wants Shen Qingqiu, brought to him to serve as his first husband.
And Shen Qingqiu agrees, after all what use would it be to remain on his mountain, when Binghe will never return to him again? When these mountains will never again hear his laughter echo through them or be lightened by his smile. Luo Binghe died in the abyss and it is his fault. If his body can be used for peace he'll offer it willingly.
His sect siblings watch him go, expecting to hear of his death in only a few months. Shen Qingqiu's heart has been weakened by deep grief for too long, they do not expect him to survive the dangers of the demon realm. To want to survive them. (They had tried to negotiate, to reason with and then beg for the Emperor to choose something different but he refused to reconsider. So away Shen Qingqiu goes.)
When he gets there his husband does not greet him. There is no ceremony, no big reception, no official wedding, nothing. He is simply led to his rooms, guided by the maids of the palace.
The hallways are decorated in extravagant statues, paintings, finely crafted lamps. Shen Qingqiu finds it sickening to look at. How would Luo Binghe have decorated these halls, had he not failed him, had he been able to rise to his full power, to have survived?
He doesn't leave his room, ignoring the soft knocks at his door, the food that is delivered to him by his servants. He stares out at his private garten and refuses to eat. There's nothing to it. No sense.
The garden is flourished with the prettiest of flowers and fauna. Perfect bamboo stalks sprout from the ground, beautifully framing the little pond in the middle. Waterlilies coat the surface. He stares long at the still surface of the quiet water.
The Emperor visits him on what he thinks might be the third day, dressed in dark iridescent robes that flow behind him, giving him an ethereal look. Shen Qingqiu looks at him for a few seconds before his eyes fall back to the pond. He doesn't know what is expected of him and decides to wait him out.
"Does my husband not have anything to say to this Lord?" The man asks after a moment.
"This master was not aware that this arrangement included providing his husband entertainment." He replies in a dry sarcastic tone and does not care about how it might get him into trouble. What use, what use. Luo Binghe is dead. There is no more.
Suddenly he hates the Lord in front him, just a little. For taking him away from home, from the only place Luo Binghe will know where to find him ā should he ever return. For having to leave Zheng Yang behind, the last piece of Binghe's soul he could still watch over.
The Lord, his husband now, is silent for a moment before he quietly asks, "What makes my husband unhappy? Tell this Lord, so he may fix it."
Shen Qingqiu is suddenly exhausted. "There is nothing wrong. My chambers are fine, thank you. This husband wishes to be alone."
He doesn't know how much time passes but some while after that his husband softly closes the door on his way out. A bamboo leave slowly falls to the ground. Shen Qingqiu watches and watches. Luo Binghe is dead. Someday that will make sense.
His husband continues to visit him day after day. Each time he brings more beautiful, more elaborate and more expensive gifts. Shen Qingqiu thanks him and sets them down on nearby tables and shelves, not once looking back at them.
(Luo Binghe despairs, what is he doing wrong?! What is wrong with Shizun, why won't he move or smile?! What happened!!)
But over the months Shen Qingqiu opens up more and more, and one day he tells his husband about the disciple he once had, who had lived with him, cooked for him and washed his clothes, whom he loved and cherished, and then killed. Unexpectedly his husband bursts out into tears.
"What's wrong? My Husband, what is wrong?!" He gently takes his husband's face into his hands, swiping at the flood of tears.
"Shen Qingqiu," he sobs, "what would you do, to have him back?"
"Anything," Shen Qingqiu answers immediately, "there's nothing I would not sacrifice, to hold my Binghe once more."
His husband cries and cries and Shen Qingqiu watches in confusion, as slowly his appearance starts to slip. Soft curls replace the shiny hair from before, his dark eyes lighten to a vibrant red and Shen Qingqiu stares as his husband turns into his former disciple.
"Shizun," Luo Binghe whines, alive and warm and there, here in his arms, "please don't hate me."
bing-ge divorce arc
emperor bing-ge is getting exhausted by the size of the harem/tired of picking up new wives and even grumpier after visiting the bing-mei universe so he tells his advisors to yeet anyone from the harem that won't cause a huge uproar (cos he knows like a solid third are probably cool leaving) and to make sure they get paid and are taken care of but that he never has to deal with them again
ning yingying is pissed he did this without even talking to the wives, but bing-ge is sulking so he's being super mature and not at all acting like an adult who has a terrible childhood and has regressed out of trauma and she's like you divorced a-yuan???? we LOVE her what is wrong with you (cos SY transmigrated as a wife, who I'm giving shapeshifting abilities to because he can have less gender dysphoria as a treat)
and bing-ge is like no i didn't--I like that one! thats the one in my rotation for the resting day cos she likes hearing all my cool fighting stories and we never end up banging (SY made his appearance a little less femme in hopes of evading Bing-ge's interests but is always a little disappointed for some reason that it never actually ends in papapa)
and ning yingying just gives him this look (she is mad cos A-Yuan helped her organize logistic shit in the harem and liked learning QJP cultivation shit as her his reward which NYY missed doing and finds teaching really nice! LMY is also mad her bookclub got culled a member or two, possibly SHL found a partner to bitch about other harem ladies with) and he's like WHAT? I looked at the list! and A-Yuan was definitely not on it.
and NYY is like, you idiot -- if you'd MET your wives in person and talked to them to divorce them rather than letting a PROXY do it you'd know that A-Yuan's actual name was SOMENAME
and bing-ge is not going to freak out over this, because it's no big deal, he made sure his advisors gave money and housing/land fairly and settled the ex-wives so it should be easy enough to track A-Yuan down, except SY didn't take any of that and only left a note that said he hoped Binghe would be happy and that the culling the harem meant he'd finally found what he was looking for which of course never got delivered because idk the little palace mistress or something
so bing-ge is upset and complaining because the wife he liked to hang out with and spend time with and listened to him and sometimes brushed his hair and actually cared about his personal happiness was gone and NYY, LMY, and SHL are just sorta looking at him like god, I married this fucking moron didn't I? and eventually he gets the hint and is like fine I'll just find via my blood
except he never gave A-Yuan his blood, because he usually does that after they consummate on their wedding night, and they hadn't done that -- so he's like god I'm so stupid (SHL/NYY: That's what I've been saying! LMY: *nodding*)
so basically, SY transmigrated into one of the many wives, who is idk a fox spirit or something with shape shifting who noticed that Binghe was really tired on their wedding night and was like um, do you want to just like sleep or something? and they talked for a while about all the cool shit Binghe has done and some monsters and Binghe actually slept for once and felt great in the morning and forgot and this occurred every other time he had A-Yuan on his rotation so it just sorta became his rest day and Shen Yuan was disappointed even though he was ignoring that, but also not because he got to hang out with Binghe!
and when the divorces happen he's like oh okay, well he must have finally figured out LMY should be empress and/or Airplane wrote his one-true-love, hopefully she's cool! and he tries to at least say goodbye, but the entire thing is an impersonal shove out the palace walls and he doesn't really want the money or the land offered and his character doesn't have family left so he is like welp all right and just shapeshifts completely to a dude instead of playing with gender (andmaybesometimes mixes it up) -- and starts wandering around looking at cool plants and beasts and shit with literally no idea the emperor is having a meltdown over him
presumably when binghe eventually finds him, he's like oh and SY is like yeah I'm a dude can we still be friends? and Binghe has a 404 shutdown on his brain as he finally connects the dots from the other universe and has to live through the hell that is trying to flirt with and court shen yuan when he is convinced everything you do is just a friendly bro thing
this reads like it was submitted to a local newspaper in the early 1900s
Iāve been watching so many old garbage movies recently that Iāve started to have like 60s sci fi themed nightmares where Iām being attacked by like horrible ape monsters and itās actually scary as fuck! What an awful problem to have
Last night I had a dream about a terrible science experiment called Moon 13 that involved putting scantily clad women inside of large lava lamps to harness their innate psychic ability. I wish this was a joke
so many ppl on tiktok will be like 'look at my epic style glow up omg my style used to be so cringe' and it just shows them wearing clothes that were in fashion in 2015 and then clothes that are in fashion now like baby that's what happens when u don't have ur own sense of style
got called āomg vintageā by a secretary in training at the dentistās office on sunday because i wore a shirt that was in style five years ago like. maāam i bought that in 2016
this is WILD you can't just leave this in the tags lmaoo
(cw: adult story below)
okay so basically the story went that he has. a fetish for guys with tats and piercings and this culminated in him getting real teeth KNOCKED OUT during a glory hole incident in 98 or 99 he canāt remember but basically the guy thrust in as he was catching his breath. and. teeth got knocked out. he was THAT HARD.Ā
so he gets dental implants and continues on his way, assured that heāll never have to lose any more teeth. he used to bartend blah blah and was always complimented on his teeth but he eventually got them SNAPPED OUT during an altercation with a drunk guy and he got different ones put in and was likeĀ āoh, so this is a recurring theme in my lifeā and decided that he was going to swear off bartending.
so he moved out this way and started hisĀ ādick-sucking careerā anew, hopeful, wide-eyed. and managed to get a piercing snagged on his fucking tonsil and they have to GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM TOGETHER BECAUSE THE GUY IS STUCK IN HIS FUCKING THROAT AND HE CAN ONLY BREATHE IF HE BREATHES AROUND THE DICK. it was at this moment i remembered that one fucking movie where a guy gets his prince albert piercing stuck in a lady as a killer is busting into the room and dies because he wonāt cut it off and run or something
also as this is happening iām waiting on x-ray results so iām just. there lmao
and he was talking about how the guy NUTTED. IN THE AMBULANCE. BECAUSE OF THE VIBRATION OF THE ROAD. IN HIS THROAT. AND THEY HAD TO SUCTION IT OUT. WHAT THE FUCK. but it turns out that there was a bad cut to his gums as well because it was a spiked fucking piercing so he just. had to get a couple teeth replaced. again.
and they dated. for 2 more years. until he moved to serbia or something i forget that part i was laughing to hard. it might have been spain. idk anyways
the bf got stopped by airport security because this was a few years after 9/11 and he had to take half his piercings which were notĀ āsafe metalsā for metal detectors (ābecause DIY punks are hotterā was his reason??) and he was likeĀ ādo i take the dick one out tooā (no, but he did get taken to be privately searched.) and it ended up, that his boyfriend (the guy in the dental office) laughed so hard, after hearing this story repeated, that he slipped and smacked face first into the edge of a table. and LOST HIS TEETH AGAIN, and ended up walking aroundĀ ālike a fucking christmas carol about wanting two front teethā until his bf sent him money to get them fixed and then broke up with him āfor some hot young thingā
so he gets new ones! and they lasted! they really did! for years!
and then, #4, was on sunday. he was soĀ āinspiredā after he was allowed to go on dates again. because quarantine and no-socialising rules and shit have hit hard here multiple times. that heĀ āwent too hardā at a small gay bdsm gathering. and he managed to both bend his teeth inwards and fuck his molars up FROM DICK SUCKING. and he was likeĀ āi was tied up there, thinking about how many times this has happened. and how some evil gay witch put a curse on me for being too good at sucking dick.āĀ
and he went on about how the kink club in question is technically helping to pay for this because they felt SO BAD and the guy who did this laughed his ass off and was like. i donāt have any money but once you get your teeth fixed - and the guy was like NO. I AM NOT SUCKING YOU OFF EVER AGAIN LOOK WHAT YOU DID
also this was told by the most middle-aged, boring looking man on earth. like picture an accountant, but gay and VERY clumsy and funny
What was this post about again??
Fashion I believe.
Shixiong!Shen Yuan thinking to himself after bonding with Luo Binghe: it's a shame I don't have any female relatives in this life who could marry him. Maybe I'll have a daughter one day, and she can marry Binghe, and then our bloodlines will be intertwined? Oh but any desirable woman who could be my wife would also want to marry Binghe, so I guess I'll have to stay single forever. I guess I could adopt a daughter? I don't really know if a good opportunity for that will come up... I know! I'll use that one Magical Plot Device Item to make a female clone of myself, raise her as my daughter, and then one day when she's all grown up she can marry Binghe and then Binghe and I will be in-laws and officially family! Although now that I'm thinking about it, I'm a modern man and I guess it is kind of problematic to raise a kid entirely so she can marry a particular man one day. I mean it's Binghe so it's not as weird or creepy as it would be otherwise, because naturally everyone wants to be Binghe's wife, I wouldn't even need to suggest it to her it would just inevitably happen. Still, though. Probably not the best thing to plan out... I guess we'll just have to settle for being sworn brothers? Kind of a letdown.
Shixiong!Shen Yuan out loud: Binghe, it's a bit sad that we'll never have a child that combines our bloodlines together, isn't it?
Binghe about to try unholy things with his blood.
Can his blood mites, when mixed with another's blood, be used to manipulate that blood?
If so, can that blood be mixed enough as to act as his bloodmites?
Can his blood create lifeforms?
if it can create lifeforms, can he use it to create something that acts independently from him?
If both work, see if mixing his and shixiong's blood allows him to create a blood child.
if both don't work, steal shixiong's blood and find a plant that does.
If only mixing blood works, use his blood to indefinitely keep some of shixiong's blood inside of him (side goal).
Binghe, outloud: "Immortals live a long time, Shixiong. As long as you're with me, there's no telling what may happen."
Shen Yuan, internally: (What a good friend, still thinking of me for the distant future! I'm sure he'll be busy with conquering, making an empire, and the harem, but he might still spare a thought or two for me.)
This makes me think of that fanfic where Shen Yuan reincarnates as a young master who is expected to marry and have children, so Luo Bingge takes a detour offscreen in the Abyss to find a baby-growing tree
sO BECAUSE OF DASHCON 2 I WENT TO THE TORONTO AIRPORT AND STARTED SCREAMING AT 6AM AND NATURALLY SOMEONE THOUGHT I WAS BEING MURDERED AND CALLED BORDER PATROL AND WHEN THEY GOT HERE I HAD TO GIVE THEM MY EXPLANATION FOR SCREAMING AT 6AM SO I JUST SAID DASHCON AND ONE OF THE CUSTOMS AGENTS EYES SUDDENLY GOT REALLY BIG AND THEN HE SAID āA SECOND ONE?!?ā AND THEN HE READ THE TRENDING TAG ON HIS PHONE I HAVE A GROWN CUSTOMS AGENT SITTING ON MY LUGGAGE CRYING AND CURSING AT STRANGE AEONS UNDER HIS BREATH HIS PARTER GAVE HIM A SHOCK BLANKET OH MY GOD
Vote for me and I will make werewolves real
Top scientists wil work hard round the clock to make it a reality
Bottom scientists as well
just saw a chair so photogenic I had to reevaluate my feelings towards plastic furniture
do you see this. beyond ridiculous
what are our thoughts
I understand your feelings for the chair robin crabussy
unpost this right now you strange strange man
I hired a wizard to cast png on it. effervescent