TT: Hey, bro.
TT: It's me.
TT: Your bro.
TT: You know, the one from the future.
TT: I'm just getting ahold of you to let you know that Roxy and I-- that's Rose's daughter, by the way-- are formulating a plan to come back.
TT: The game was a dead end, and our friends are in danger.
TT: Not to mention you and Rose, too.
TT: You might think it's too dangerous, but we're adults now, and we're arguably in more danger here anyway.
TT: We want to help you take down the Batterwitch once and for all.
TT: And then...
TT: ...
TT: Jesus, this is contrived as fuck.
TT: Yeah, that was terrible
TT: You're tellin' me.
TT: I bet I could do better.
TT: Bullshit.
TT: "Hello, Dave. It is I, your younger brother, whom you sent into the future to protect from )(er Imperious Horrendousness. Kind of a shitty plan, by the way. She still exists in the future and is worse actually. Also she kills you. So I'm coming back to also get killed by her."
TT: Dude, that's worse.
TT: Oh, no, that wasn't my own attempt.
TT: I was pointing out how awful you sounded.
TT: Here's what I would really say:
TT:
TT:
TT:
TT: Something broken, bro?
TT: You're saying jack shit.
TT: Exactly.
TT: You think I shouldn't say anything to him?
TT: Really?
TT: *Really?*
TT: What's there to say?
TT: If you really have to notify him, just give him a brief lowdown of the whole ordeal.
TT: "Coming back, friends in danger, see you soon, bro. - Dirk"
TT: Save all the emotions and complicated explanations for the reunion.
TT: He'll get the gist.
TT: ...
TT: You know, I fuckin' hate it when you make some semblance of sense.
TT: Surely, I am certain.
TT: It just feels wrong *not* explaining everything to him beforehand.
TT: Who's to say he'll even beliebe me?
TT: ..."Beliebe"?
TT: I don't think he's a Belieber, bro.
TT: What reason does he have to trust me? Trust that it's *really* me and not just some rando pulling sick pranks?
TT: And not the cool kind of sick.
TT: The disgusting kind of sick.
TT: Hate to say it, but I guess you've got a point, Brotractor X.
TT: Christ, what kind of fucked up world is this where we agree with each other?
TT: Horrifying, I know.
TT: Dave'll probably want proof that you are who you say you are, yeah.
TT: Luckily though, we have a fuckin' hoard of it.
TT: Videos, diaries, messages.
TT: Some of which he hasn't even written yet from his perspective.
TT: Our only drawback is that he's an even more paranoid fuck than you are.
TT: I'll try not to take offense to that.
TT: And frankly, I don't blame him.
TT: Probably the only way to prove without a doubt in his mind that you are you,
TT: Is to just say nothing and roll up.
TT: He'll fuckin' kill me first if I say nothing at all, man.
TT: And then I'll take over your rotting corpse and pilot it myself for the rest of time.
TT: My master plan is finally coming to fruition.
TT: Dude.
TT: Now is not the time for this shit.
TT: Just leave him a short, sweet message roughly 10 minutes before you show up so that he'll have enough time to read it and know not to kill you on sight.
TT: What if he's not there?
TT: More time for him to see it and not kill you.
TT: Still, I want to have an actual conversation with the man before I break and enter into his home.
TT: Not breaking and entering if you never break or enter and it's also your home.
TT: You know what I mean.
TT: See, this is why you should listen to me more often.
TT: Your fragile human emotions are getting in the way of logic.
TT: You *want* to talk to him even though it'll definitely backfire.
TT: I get it, but it's still a horrible idea.
TT: Shut the fuck up man, the only horrible idea here was asking for your input in the first place.
TT: Not like I can stop you, but you have my take on it.
TT: A take I know you share, because I know how you think.
TT: You think like me, because I'm you.
TT: This conversation is over now.
TT: See if I ever ask for your advice again.
TT: You will.
TT: Later, bro.
TT: Later, jackass.