Breaking Anxiety and Panic Disorder
Alright guys, we’re gonna talk about anxiety and panic so let’s take a deep breath. IN for 5 seconds…Hold 5 seconds…Slowly release 7 seconds… Breathe in that beautiful prana baby!
I know firsthand how hard to see the light when you are stuck in a constant state of anxiety or if you suffer from panic attacks. Not enough people acknowledge how hard anxiety and panic disorder is. A lot of people have never felt the symptoms or ordeals you have lived through. Living in constant fear and suffering is no life… YOU ARE NOT HERE JUST TO EXIST, you must live a fulfilling life! You deserve life, and it’s my belief that everyone has a purpose and a gift to give. I’m going to show you how I overcame anxiety and panic disorder. Maybe you can relate to this?
It’s hard to say when I had my first panic attack, but prior to my meltdown I would have one or two and ONLY when I worked in an office environment, usually hopped up on some coffee or energy drink, over-stressed, bad health, things like that.
Last year in January I had been working a particularly stressful job. Working a high stress, super sedentary, 8+ hours-a-day job had my health on the decline. Eating like shit, my waistline was growing and my blood pressure rising (mind you I was only 24 at the time and at that age you shouldn’t have problems like this.) I was on a (stupid) ketogenic diet that involved eating a lot of animal meat and fat, with almost no carbohydrates. My co-worker had praised the diet and swore that I’d lose a bunch of weight with no effort, so I was all in. Point is, my health went downhill and the diet was making it worse.
Meanwhile I was battling an internal conflict. Have you ever pursued a dream, like a career path, and it didn’t work out or your circumstances changed so that you couldn’t follow through? That was the case for me and I chose to get a “real” job so I could make enough money to be “happy”, instead I was depressed. The cubicle and computer screen were these constant reminders of how I settled for less. With the anxiety from work and that awful California traffic every morning and every evening I was a ticking time bomb. Then one day after a hard and stressful day, I was stuck in the thick of bumper to bumper traffic far from any exit. And…
The panic attack hit me like a freight train. My heart was racing faster than I ever felt, my arms and legs were going numb, I felt like I couldn’t breathe and tunnel vision was setting in. The dread took over and I thought I was having a heart attack. All I could think was to get out of this traffic and home to my girlfriend. Stuck for what seemed like an eternity of panic, I got off the freeway, taking huge gulps of air. It took me almost two hours to get home and the panic attacks hit me over and over again. After that I was terrified to drive in traffic. And my mental state devolved into a fear of driving alone, then into a fear of leaving what I thought was safety. I had a panic disorder, health anxiety, and agoraphobia (the fear of leaving home or your “safe zone.”) My job ended up laying me off, health insurance went with it, and I suffered deeply.
But through my darkest times and toughest trials there was a light inside me and if you’re reading this that light is in you too.
OK so first off I wanna let you know that there can be many things that cause these “disorders.” Some may in fact be physical, like mineral deficiencies or bad cardiovascular flow. Which I will go over in another post, but in this article we’ll go over the mental/emotional aspect of it and I promise it will help you greatly whether you are hurting physically from it or not.
What I am going to tell you are things that I used and documented in late night/early morning writings.
1. You’ve made it this far.
In the beginning of my panic episodes I went through hell and there was more to come. I spent so many hours trying to study the science of my symptoms, I looked for some sort of answer that would fix me. With so much information on the internet it was hard to narrow it down, sometimes I was hopeful, sometimes I was scared, sometimes I went in circles. One thing I knew instinctively is that I needed to reprogram my mind and find a way to undue this mental trauma. Time to go inside yourself and find what the opposite side of anxiety looks like to you.
Solution: Write down a vision of yourself in the state you wish to be. What I did to get started in healing myself I tried picturing myself happy, healthy, and fearless. Do this as much as you can, if it’s every day before you go to sleep, the last 5 minutes of your thoughts before sleep sink deeply into your subconscious mind. Ok so here’s an example:
I picture myself healthy. I am running for exercise, doing pushups and sit ups. I’m lifting heavy weights with ease and feeling great. I feel like an Olympian with supreme health. I am eating organic vegetables and fruits. My blood pressure is never too high and I am always cool and collected. My body can handle any situation. I feel good all day and I am happy every day.
Note: Don’t be afraid to get specific with it. Remember that this is a physical manifestation of your healing, it’s you repairing your mind and these letters are just the beginning, have faith in the fact that your healing is on the way and you will return to your greatness and beyond.
I was very depressed. After every panic attack I felt like it brought me back to square one. I cried a lot when I was alone, just being frustrated with myself. I was afraid of something I didn’t understand! Anxiety and Panic disorder is the only mental illness where you are fully aware of how mentally ill you are. There is a quote Buddha that gave me perspective on the power of the mind, “All we are is the result of what we have thought.” It made me realize that I had to fight these negative emotions with some love and positivity.
Solution: Create a gratitude log. You have believe me, this exercise is going to help you immensely. Write down at least 10 things you are grateful for a everyday. When you are writing this down try to feel the loving warmth in your heart, smile if that’s what feels right to you. Okay example time:
(3/2) 1.) I’m thankful for my girlfriend/boyfriend who takes care of me when I am sad. 2.) I am thankful for what good health I do have. 3.)I’m thankful for being alive these 25 years. 4.) I’m thankful for my mom who is strong for me. 5.) I am thankful that I don’t have to pay rent. 6.) I am thankful for having a car. 7.) I am thankful for my loving family. 8.) I am thankful for all of my friends. 9.) I am thankful for the comfy bed I sleep in. 10.) I am thankful for my grandpa who I love. 11.) I am thankful to have a laptop and internet connection.
Note: Organize your gratitude log however you like. Don’t feel bad if you miss a day or can’t come up with 10 things that day just do your best. Remember the main thing is to create that feeling of gratitude and love. Make a promise to yourself that you are going to follow through this and everything is going to work out.
There was a time when all I could do was think about the state I was in. Every time I had to leave, was stuck in the car, or had to face whatever anxiety triggers my mind would constantly flash nightmare scenarios. This comes from the survival part of the brain, the Amygdala. In survival situations this can keep you alive, if it wasn’t working you’d be in trouble, or maybe you’re some major bad ass! All I know is when it’s going haywire it sucks to deal with. Think of it as an over protective mom, “Hey mom I am just going to the store to grab a drink and snacks.” Amygdala momma goes “Oh my god, be careful, there might be a murderer by the store! Watch out for cars! Look both ways! Don’t forget your bullet-proof vest! AHHHH!!!!” You gotta start reprogramming your mind.
Solution: Listen to music and/or do something that brings up positive nostalgia. Anything that can bring back positive nostalgia. It could be music, video games, sports, pictures, cooking a certain recipe, funny movies, drawing, art, etc. The point is to immerse yourself in something positive, the more time your mind is away from that negativity the more healing is taking place. For example, I bought a handheld video game system. I haven’t played anything like that since I was a kid, I got different genres and just got lost in these little worlds, (POKEMON *cough* *cough*) don’t judge! The more you are smiling and laughing the more you are winning. Keep kicking ass!
Note: You have had something that has brought you happiness before what was it? If you don’t have something that brings nostalgia to you, then find something else that brings you happiness or peace. What’s mindless task could you do that would make you feel peace? Think about these things and don’t judge yourself or where it takes you. It’s going to be awesome trust me!
4. Reinvigorating Passion
I spent many nights sleepless. Insomnia is a common problem with anxiety disorders. I wouldn’t discover the sleep benefits of melatonin (which has many benefits) until I was much better, it would have been nice to have used it early on. Lack of sleep contributes to anxiety, and especially harmful in my predicament, high blood pressure. I spent most of those sleepless nights contemplating life and existence. I would think a lot about death and I felt stuck. My past attempts at a career were what made me happy about life and now I didn’t have that. Feeling lost and confused about life is a tough cookie to crack. When you lose your passion for life things may seem bleak, but let’s think this through.
Solution: The List of Life Purpose. First off, if it’s a career you’re focused on it must connect with your core values, what do you stand for? Now answer this question: What would you be doing if money wasn’t a problem? The list should break down into two main sections, what you love to do and outcomes you want. After you empty your mind into these categories, it’s time to break it down into a goal, a purpose for your life made clear. The last part takes the most creativity and can be multiple things. Example up:
List of Life Purpose
Things I love to do: Playing video games, laugh, drink craft beer, make others laugh, make people happy, impart wisdom, give guidance, draw, paint, learn about spirituality, history, science, philosophize, create things, tell good stories, listen to audio books, hang out with friends, have conversations with open-minded people, etc. etc.
Outcomes I want: I want to help people heal their bodies, I want to help people heal their minds, I want to motivate and inspire, I want to be a positive force for change in life, I want to make visual art, I want to make people laugh a lot, I want financial independence.
Note: No matter your age it’s never too late to start living in your life’s purpose, or at least figure it out what that purpose is. If you are waking up everyday feeling like something is missing or there is more to life then you have to act. You aren’t alive just to take up space you are alive to live! Don’t be afraid to live life. Don’t be afraid to be happy. You deserve it, but you have to start and you are going to have to take a leap of faith. Don’t let life pass you by without taking that leap.
5. Feeling weak and disempowered - How to overcome that.
For most of my anxiety days there was a constant flow of low anxiety, my resting heart rate was 108 beats per minute. I felt like I was going to have a heart attack at any minute, there were constant chest pains, and I didn’t understand why. Going to the doctor’s didn’t make anything better, the doctor just wanted to prescribe me all sort of meds then shove me out the door, he didn’t give a shit about me or my fears. I am grateful I did not have to use psychoactive medication and conquered it myself, but if you can get professional guidance please take it. At my worst I spent most days in my room, just laying on the bed, typing away into my laptop trying to find solutions to my problems. I shed a lot of tears, I felt weak, and I thought I was a coward. But that wasn’t true for me and it’s not true for you.
Solution: Remember your greatness. My best friend told me an analogy for my predicament. If you see a man carrying 500lbs on his back you don’t call him weak for walking slow, you know he is strong even though he is going slow, and YOU are strong for carrying this burden. You are still in charge of your life and it’s winning these little internal battles that are going to add up to make the difference. For every negative thought fight back with a positive loving thought, these fights are going to turn you into a spiritual warrior and one day you will help others going through the same thing. It’s when I am feeling disempowered I think of my favorite poem:
Invictus
Out of the night that covers me, black as the pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be, for my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance, I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance, my head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears looms but the horror of the shade, and yet the menace of the years finds, and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate, how charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.
Note: Sometimes we can be our greatest enemy but it’s just another trial to be overcome and you will succeed. This will not last forever. You are strong. No matter how many setbacks, no matter what was in the past, no matter what other people don’t understand, it’s you who has to believe in you. Many have been where you are before and if anyone can do it you can too. So smile often, laugh often, and love often. You are the captain of your soul, you are at the helm, and all you have to do is grab the steering wheel. Make life a beautiful adventure.
Alright friend, so there are many approaches to healing yourself from panic and anxiety disorder. I couldn’t cover everything in this post but just what I did in my personal experiences. Remember, body, mind, and soul, there are things you can work on in each aspect to heal yourself. We gotta get you feeling good! Eat nutritious healthy foods, exercise if you can, and be consistent! A LOT of this can be triggered from vitamin or mineral deficiencies, look into things like magnesium or calcium deficiency and take care of that body! Work on your mind, remember that you are not your mind, you are the observer behind it, behind the thoughts. You are in control and you need to reprogram it from the trauma and pain, and if you made it this far in this post then you are well on your way.
Another reminder is TALK TO SOMEONE. Reach out to your loved ones. Don’t be embarrassed to ask for help or open up to someone. People naturally want to help the people they care about and will appreciate you having the trust and confidence to talk to them about it. What you are going through is normal and life throws us challenges sometimes. So let’s talk about it, you can ask us anything and we will do our best to respond as soon as possible.
Lastly, just to recap- Envision the better you, Remember your blessings, Feel the love of past good times, Find your purpose, Motivate your inner warrior.
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