How do you stay safe while being a sugar baby. That is my biggest concern.
Normally Iād just send you a link to A-Pinch-Of-Sugar-Pleaseās blog, buuut since sheās a psychotic bitch, Iād be happy to help you out.
Invent fake facts about yourself. Create an email address specifically for sugaring and only email them there. Get the Google Voice App and create a phone number to text/call men from distinct from your own. Use a fake name for the first few dates. List the next town over as your location on your profile and never tell them the actual college that you go to ā especially if itās small! If they ask what your parents do for a living, make it up or be vague. Once youāre super comfortable with them, you can tell them āOh my nameās actually Katherine, not Katelynnā or even give them your real phone number if you want to as I often snapchat with NASA. But heās the only one of my SDs who knows it as Google Voice works flawlessly and the others donāt really need it.Ā
On an opposite note, get as many details as possible about him from him or through background searching. If he tells you heās the CEO of Apple, go to Appleās website and confirm that. Also, invest in a Spokeo Account. Donāt be that annoying SB who begs girls to look men up for her. A lot of girls only buy the monthly plan which has a search quota so if these girls are kindly looking men up for you, thatās less POTs they can search for themselves. I think itās like $49.95 per year and itās well worth the money for the amount of information it gives you. You can reverse search his phone number, email, name, etc. to find out his address, income, family members ā anything! I love to find their childrenās names then look them up on Facebook to see how they live. Riding horses on vacation in Santorini as your cover photo? Okay, Iāll break bread with your dad tomorrow. Little Ashleyās making duck faces and wearing Abercrombie? Sorry, John, Iām actually no longer searching for an SD ā best of luck!
Get as many photos as possible (5+) from a man youāre talking to so that you can reverse search them and find out company info, criminal history, or if heās on any other sites to cross-check age, location, and other facts on the profile you first saw him on.
Before a first meet, Skype with him (for 5 to 30 minutes) to again make sure the photos he sent are of him and not some handsome model on JCrewās website (guys on SD4M do this all the time ā youāre not slick)! While you donāt want the skype date to replace the first date, it is a good way to keep and/or build up his interest and by revealing yourself in 3D and decreasing his chances of cancelling/flaking on you. New SDs in particular often get nervous by the whole process, especially if theyāre married, so if he sees āWow! Sheās gorgeous/real/funny/witty/ and excited to see me Thursday!ā heāll be more at ease not only to go through with the meet, but to spend more chedda. Moreover, a Skype date can show you āWow! Heās an asshole and begging me to slide the camera down to my boobs.ā So you can know way before you spend hours on hair and make-up that the date will be a waste.
Need for discretion.Ā If a man doesnāt tell you much about himself, his job, or his life, is using a GV number or a fake email, is going by a fake name, it does not matter at all. 9 times out of 10 I show up to POT dates knowing the results of their latest colonoscopy while they think I donāt even know their name. Focus on the steps above and let them think theyāre slicker than you. Nigerian PrinceĀ neverĀ told me his real name. I knew it from 5 seconds after he emailed me, but I played along and feigned ignorance because I knew he was safe and rich and whatever other secrets he kept from me were irrelevant. After our first date, he revealed his real career, location, (still not his real name) etc. and Iād already known it all, but, like us, he was simply wary of giving too much info to the wrong person. My favorite is when a guy emails you from his real email using a fake name. āInbox: New Email from Steve Jobsā āHey itās Mike!ā lmfao Hey Mike! Whatever makes you comfortable enough to meet me for dinner and pay me. All this being said, sometimes a manās āneed for discretionā makes it fucking impossible to find out anything from him. In that case, I say āWhile I respect your need for discretion, it does not trump my need for safety and I would not feel comfortable meeting you for dinner withoutā¦(at least a skype date)(as many photos as Iāve sent you)(information about XYZ)(etc.).ā If he refuses to accommodate, heās blatantly disrespectful of your safety concerns and heās not worth your time.
Asks for sexy photos. You really need to make sure your profile photos are serve their purpose and depict what you look like from head to toe. If you only include iPhoto face shots, thatās dandy but you need a full body shot of you in a cute outfit and I also always include a bikini shot. Nothing raunchy, just a fun day at the beach. If theyāre asking for sexy photos and you already have full body shots on your profile, then kindly end it because theyāre 12 year old horn dogs stuck in 45 year old bodies. But if your photos suck and they just want to confirm that youāre not Shrek, then you need to amp up your profile and oblige.
Asks your favorite position, kinkiest moment, sex history, what youāre into etc. Thereās no space for immature, tacky, desperate rapid fire sex questions in the sugar bowl. At its core, sugaring is about companionship, chemistry, and fun times. If he needs a rap sheet of what you will and will not do in the bed room, then he should call up a pimp and ask for a very specific hooker. Even if you tell him this and he apologizes and stops, you still know that thatās his main incentive for joining this site so heās probably looking for pay for play but has too much pride to admit to wanting a prostitute. If youāre fine with 4 hours a month with this man for however much you agree on, then boom! You just landed on easy money. But if youāre looking strictly for a sugar arrangement with outings, dinners, etc. then you need to move on. But be mindful that a lot of these men might be into BDSM, so if they ask specifically if you have interest in that then thatās not necessarily a red flag so much as them not wanting to waste either of your time. If you do say yes, however, and he presses you with sex questions, heās equally guilty of the above offense.
Sleezy username/bad grammar.Ā If āHotsex69ā messages you, you already know what heās there for. Heās not a sugar daddy. Heās blatantly looking for pay for play.
Takes offense to your precautions.Ā A lot of men will quickly realize that you both have iPhones and that your messages arenāt coming up blue. If he questions it, let him know straight up, āIām using an app called Google Voice so that I donāt have to share my real phone number with strangers. Once Iām comfortable enough with you, I will give you my real number and you can reach me there.ā 99% of guys completely get it and think āDamn, I wish Iād thought of that. Sheās smart and safe and not full of shit! I can tell a lot of guys have wasted her time and I donāt want to be one, so I better step it up if I ever want the honor of using iMessage with this hottie!ā The other 1% will cry like little bitches and be like āWeāve hit it off thus far! Donāt you trust me?!?ā If he honestly thinks trust can be fostered after a few email messages, heāll be equally pissy when you donāt have sex on the first date or when you reject his marriage proposal on the second date.
Insists on meeting for just drinks.Ā 10:00pm drinks at the hotel bar so you can get drunk and then go upstairs? Um no. In a fun way, tell him youād rather meet for dinner at this great restaurant youāre dying to try yada yada. I had this one guy come back at me with āHow about we start with drinks and if we hit it off, then we can get dinner?ā Lmfao why?! I literally see no incentive to that besides wanting to roofie me. If youāre that awkward and canāt be around a younger, more attractive woman without drinking then letās drinkĀ atĀ dinner. Have 10 glasses of wine with your food. I donāt care. But if Iām getting dolled up, Iām eating food. You are not skimping out on buying me dinner and you are not roofie-ing me and you are not getting me drunk so you can drag me back to your lair. I do too much damn cardio to drink my calories. Buy me dinner, you fuck.
Meet in a public place and STAY in a public place. Stroll in Central Park? Awesome! He wants to wander past the āDO NOT ENTERā sign and show you this āamazing view of the riverā? Nope. Restaurants, coffee, theater ā doesnāt matter as long as youāre surrounded by witnesses.
Have your own transportation to AND from a first meet. And from. And. From. AND FROM!!! Not āOh I took a taxi here, but let me save $10 and go home with him ā he was so funny and obviously legitimate!ā Even if thatās true and heās a sweetie and who he says he is, these men never need to know where you live. (Notice I did not say never should know. Doctor knows where I live and thatās fine. But he doesnāt need to.) If you ultimately decide youāre comfortable with having an SD over at your apartment, then that will come after several dates, not the first. Plus, the chase is half the fun for him. Donāt reveal all of yourself too quickly. For this same reason, never get into his car on the first date. Besides just safety reasons, you donāt want him to feel like (physically and mentally) that he has you 100%. Leave something to be desired.
Tell someone where you are and who youāre going with. If youāre close with a friend or relative who is non-judgmental, make sure they know where your date is and when youāll be back. Otherwise, find a resource on here (Iāll gladly help you out)and text them (from your GV number) where you are going, when you get there, when you leave, and when you are home. Whenever I get in an SDs car for the first time, I always text my sugar friends his license number.
Some SBs insist on staying sober. I like to drink and I can handle it, so I do. But definitely donāt get drunk. Itās sloppy and unattractive but will also distract you from your goal of setting an allowance/arrangement in place and getting to know this man better. Plus, itĀ willĀ impair your judgment and prevent you from remembering the rest of these safety tips.
Doesnāt bring a gift or cash to the first date.Ā Stop being so entitled. At this point, he owes you just as much as you owe him ā nothing.
The car he drives.Ā The $3000 allowance of a man who drives an Aston Martin is just as green as that of the man who drives a Jeep Grand Cherokee.
Offers you a ride there or back.Ā He might genuinely want to save you the hassle of travelling. Most of these men are fathers and have that protective instinct. Itās 9pm, dark out, sheās waiting for a cab, this is nonsense, Iāll drive her. Itās not a redflag that heās trying to be a gentleman, but either way, maintain your stance and politely decline.
Awkward behavior.Ā Steve Jobs gave brilliant speeches, but outside of that, the dude was awkward as fuck. Nonetheless, he was richer than God. If a guy reaches to hold your hand on the first date and you donāt want him to, just say, āJohn, Iām having an absolute blast but Iām just not comfortable with that yet.ā Thereās no need to flip out and write a post saying OMG THIS GUY WAS SO CREEPY HE LIKE TRIED TO RAPE ME BLACKLIST!!!!!Ā Doctor is the most awkward guy Iāve ever met in myĀ entire life.Ā Like him, many of these POTs were valedictorians of Harvard who went on to spend the next 8-12 years of their lives accumulating degrees in the dungeons of the Ivy Leagues. They lack sunlight and social skills. Itās okay. That doesnāt mean be wishy-washy when he tries to cop a feel. No. Be firm and put him in his place. If he makes you excessively uncomfortable, end the date and donāt pursue another. But if he stutters or canāt maintain eye contact or holds eye contact for too long or snorts or recites how beautiful you are or has a creepy smile, that doesnāt necessarily make him a potential serial killer.
Talks about hotel time, private time, intimate time, āgetting awayā.Ā There will be no sex on the first date. There will be no sex on the first date. There will be NO SEX on the first date. If he thinks dinner and a few hundred dollars gets you two āalone timeā at the Ritz Carlton, then send him packing. Be blunt and embarrass that loser. Literally say, āJohn, Iāve had a blast getting to know you thus far but I have zero interest in trading sex for lobster and a gas money. Iām a lady who is looking for a gentleman with the means to provide for her and support her. If youāre only interested in sex in exchange for money, then youāre looking for an escort, not a sugar baby, and a second date would be a waste of both of our time.ā Scare the shit out of him and make him realize just how crass and pathetic heās being. You wear the pants. Heāll straighten up very quickly, or realize that youāre right and head down to the corner of main street instead.
Cringes at the bill or what youāre ordering.Ā If he canāt afford lobster, desert, or how many drinks youāre getting, he canāt afford you. This is an absolute no brainer. Even if he says he can afford your $3000 monthly allowance, if it means heās going without food, laundry, or anything else just to afford it for you now, there WILL come a later when he leaves you hanging. A real SD loves to treat you and doesnāt care if you buy the bar!
Switches stories.Ā Itās one thing from initially stating heās in finance to getting more specific about which sector or region he works in, but if yesterday he was CEO of Apple and today heās a professor, heās probably full of shit. Donāt be afraid to call him out on it. āI thought you said ā-?ā LearnĀ the dynamics of body language and be able to discern when someone is lying or hiding key information from you. He could very well be the manager of the local K-Mart hoping to spend as many free dates with you as possible before you catch him in his lie.
Insists on anything.Ā If heās choosing your meal for you, forcing you to ride home with him, or backing you into a corner in any way, ditch him. If heās that pushy on the first date, heāll be even more pushy on the second or on the third because you let him win this time.
If you donāt use a condom, get tested regularly together and show each other the results.
Doesnāt meet allowance.Ā If he owes you $500 per meet and misses a meet, he needs to bring it to the next meet, or else heās breaking the terms of the arrangement. If itās the end of the month and he shows up without allowance, he needs to send it to you/bring it to the next meet, or else heās breaking the terms of the arrangement. Do not let him get comfortable and think of you as a friend or girlfriend. This is a SUGAR ARRANGEMENT. Do not let him treat you like something that youāre not and get sloppy with the reason why weāre here.
Wants to meet your family.Ā Doctor still insists on introducing me to his sisters. Eck. Whatever. But heās never meeting any of my family. I am not your girlfriend. This is not a relationship. We have no real future together.Ā Read this haiku. It is the anthem of the bowl.
Insists on not using a condom, trying XYZ in bed that makes you uncomfortable.Ā As always, donāt do anything youāre uncomfortable with and let them know. A real SD will put his desires aside for your safety and comcort. If heās being pushy in bed or otherwise, heās not there for your best interest.
Asks about your personal life.Ā Itās not weird for a man to want to know what classes youāre taking or whatās new in your world. Heās not being creepy or nosy, heās just curious about what makes you tick. He shouldnāt be prying into if you have a boyfriend or anything super specific, but donāt get weirded out if he asks a lot of things about you.
Asks for sexy pics or texts suggestively.Ā After youāre intimate together, this really is fair game to ask. As always, you need not oblige, and if you do, play it safe and donāt include your face or use SnapChat. But just because heās thinking of sex more doesnāt mean heās still not invested in being a sugar daddy. If it makes you uncomfortable, say so. If heās a true SD, heāll respect your boundaries and get over it.
Is affectionate in public.Ā Just because he likes to hold your hand and kiss you, doesnāt mean heās thinking of you as a girlfriend and less of an SD and forgetting your arrangement. If PDA makes you uncomfortable and you need a bit more discretion, let him know. But just because he likes your soft skin doesnāt mean heās going to propose and leave your arrangement in the dust. He might just like your soft skin.
Hates shopping.Ā Not surprisingly, a lot of men hate shopping, especially for women or with women or in womenās stores. So just because heās not buying you louboutins doesnāt mean he wonāt give you the money to buy them yourself.Ā
IF YOU REMEMBER NOTHING ELSE, REMEMBER THIS:
Your token line is: āIām not comfortable with that (yet).ā Donāt be wishy-washy! If he wants to have sex and you lie and say āOh uh Iām on my periodā heāll just ask again the next time. Instead, be honest and be firm saying youāre not comfortable with sex, riding in his car, his hand on your leg, meeting his mom, etc. etc. etc. Drop this line WHENEVER you need to say no. It sets the tone thatĀ youĀ are the one who sets the boundaries of the relationship and that those boundaries will not be crossed. If a man ever persists against something youāve blatantly stated makes you uncomfortable, then you know itās time to end things.
Never let the prospect of money trump the prospect of danger.
