the legends of nagase
Tomo’s Japanese Skills
Saying things wrong
After seeing a long line of people waiting for lunch at a sandy beach in the summer, “The place was packed with folks–the line looked like a really fat snake!” (instead of saying it looked like a long snake)
Instead of “en no shita no chikara mochi” (literally meaning “a strong man under the veranda”; the saying applies to someone who works very hard for a job but gets no credit for it), he says “midori no shita no chikara mochi” (“a strong man under the green”)
“Ah, onaka ippai!” (Man, my tummy’s full!) was accidentally spoken as “Ah, oppai!” (Man, boobies!)
“Raika cameras” (Leica in English; these cameras are usually used in street photography) are called “kaiya”
“Siberian husky” (the dog) = “Sylvester Stallone” (the actor)
“Tokyo Tower” = “Tokyo Power”
Reading things wrong
“林家木久蔵” (Hayashiya Kikuzou) = “mokuzousan”
Fuji TV’s television program, “レインボー発” (Rainbow Hatsu) = “Rainbow Ippatsu” * this is because レインボー is read as re-i-n-bo, with the ー at the end representing a drawn-out vowel sound for ‘bo’. however, tomo mistook the short line “ー” for the longer line “一”, which makes “一発” read as ‘ippatsu’
“頭文字” (kashiramoji, meaning ‘initials’) = “atamamoji”
Understanding sayings
“to have a moderate diet” means to have a full stomach
Reading names for places
“江東区” (koutouku, which is Koto City in Tokyo) = etouku
“四条烏丸” (shijou karasuma, an intersection in kyoto) = “shijou torimaru” (because 烏 looks similar to 鳥, which is read as 'tori’ on its own [bird] and 丸 reads as ‘maru’ on its own [circle])
Other stuff
after seeing a habu snake, and because snake in japanese is 'hebi’, he called it a 'habi’
after seeing a habu snake and a mongoose: “A habu and an armadillo!”
when they asked him if he knew what cheetahs were, tomo went “they’re people with super fast feet!!” in reference to kiyoko suizenji’s nickname being 'cheetah’
Tomo’s English Skills
calls cows “beef”
calls calves “beef babies”
calls chicken meat “bird”
“it’s hard to sing aerosmith songs in karaoke because there’s so many english words in there” (as if aerosmith doesn’t sing purely in english)
Tomo + Bathing
when he takes a bath he wants his entire body covered in soap bubbles, but he takes so damn long soaping himself that if he starts with his right arm, by the time he reaches his left arm then all the bubbles on his right arm have already disappeared
“there aren’t any bubbles on my head when i use conditioner, so i don’t know when to wash it off”
Tomo and Historical Buildings
seeing miyajima (an island full of shrines; supposedly a lot of gods are there) from the ferry: “ALL THE BUILDINGS ARE OLD AS SHIT”
while looking at the giant-ass entrance to the itsukushima shrine: “looks like something anyone can make at home!”
Tomo, Strawberries, and Condensed Milk
he’s always trying to endorse condensed milk on a variety of tv programs
Tomo: I don’t want to lose to anyone when it comes to condensed milk. Mabo: What the fuck can you even do with that
he sucks the milk directly out of the tube
after taking a little nibble at the tip of the strawberry, he took out his own personal stash of condensed milk to top the strawberry with and then ate it energetically
actually, he’d really prefer eating just the condensed milk instead of the strawberries
he loves strawberries too, though, like when they were growing them in DASH village he stole at least eleven of them, but only claimed to have eaten 5 or 6 when he apologised
Tomo’s Lack of Common Sense
1 metre = 60 centimetres
1 century = 9 years
“i’ve been dumped into hot water at 60℃, so i wanna go into -60℃ water next” (freezing point of water is 0℃ , so at -60℃ it’d be ice already)
“dude, everyone knows the sun rises in the west. what do you mean it doesn’t–YOU MEAN THE MANGA BAKABON LIED TO ME!?”
TOKIO had to make a 300 second speech. when leader said “i’ll finish it off in 5 minutes!”, tomo went “is 300 seconds the same as 5 minutes?”
in the middle of class tomo’s teacher pointed out the variable 'm2’ in a formula, and tomo went “WHY DOES THE METRE SYMBOL COME BEFORE 2”
during utaban, the question was “what’s the name of tokyo’s current tochiji (governor)?”, and tomo answered “what’s a tochiji? people who have a lot of tochi (land)?”
he thought that you could only buy tickets for green cars (expensive tickets) at the green window in the train station
he thought the crossroad intersection symbol was a plus sign
Tomo’s Junior Years
he burned his pubes at training camp screaming “IT’S A WILDFIRE EVERYBODY”
there’s a game where a chosen person has to make a funny pose in a dark room and stay that way to make everyone laugh when the lights come back on. when he played with koichi and the lights came on, tomo’s ass was in his face and he screamed “IT’S THE SUN”
koichi heard tomo munching on something and asked “dude, what’re you eating?” “ah, this? this is just candy… CRAP, IT’S DOG FOOD”
koichi saw tomo in the bathtub submerged so that only his eyes are above water level, and when he asked what he was doing, tomo said “i’m trying to see the world through a hippo’s eyes"
Tomo Being Tomo
when he was a kid he never wore underwear, and so when it was time for his medical check-up at school he’d skip classes just 'cause he didn’t want to pull his pants off in front of the doctor. that being said, tomo never got a medical checkup ever
after a field trip in junior high, tomo got all the members of tokio their own individual carved wooden statues of buddha (he wanted to have a full set with everyone even if he wasn’t officially part of the band at the time)
tomo thought the jpop group ’w-inds’ was part of johnny’s, so he gave them candy
after getting a watermelon from shounentai’s higashiyama-kun, he let it stay in the refrigerator for one year to grow mushrooms in it
he went to play in tatsu’s house and when he saw the arowana in his aquarium, he screamed “I WANNA FEED IT”
he was in a hotel abroad and there was an emergency with a fire, and when he evacuated all he brought was the remote for the tv
while shooting the yasukita film, kudokan returned to his hotel room only to find tomo clinging onto his window frame in the nude yelling “THANKS FOR WORKING SO HARD TODAY”
koichi went over to tomo’s place to hang out and tomo greeted him at the front door naked
gochi is a tv show where you can eat as many luxury dishes as you want without knowing how much they cost–but you’re given a maximum amount of money to spend. tomo was given 17,000 yen to spend and he managed to eat lots of food without going beyond that limit, which is the lowest price that anyone on gochi has ever achieved in its history
he reached the finals in this eating contest, and when a dish with ingredients wrapped in chicken skin (which he hates) came out, tomo furiously attempted to perform for everyone to keep himself from having to eat it
Q: “what is the biggest turning point in your life?” tomo: “when my mum gave birth to me”
his impression of nobuyo oyama, the voice actor for doraemon, is absolutely perfect
when he had to cook for a tv program and the challenge was to cut onions, he covered his eyes to his nose in saran wrap, leaving only his mouth exposed
tokio and kanjani were going to perform on m-sta and tomo suddenly popped into kanjani’s dressing room. he sat on the empty space of the chair yoko was on, but as the conversation went on tomo scooted more and more until at the end of their talk, yoko was kneeling on the floor cos tomo’s entire ass took over it “i know he didn’t mean to do it, but can you not be so absorbed in talking that you don’t realise i’ve fallen off my chair!?” - yokoyama
tomo’s a hardcore yamapi fan. when he went to see yamapi’s concert he kept saying “yamapi kept looking at me!!! our eyes met!!!” “no, i wasn’t actually looking at you. i’m so sorry” - yamapi
Quotes
“Farts are a symbol of peace.”
Sleep-talking: “I need 10 more yen…”
Q: “How’s the pumpkin soup?” Tomo: “It’s pretty circular!”
Priest: “Have a blessed new year.” Tomo, casually: “Thanks bro”
Tsuyoshi Domoto: “He’s so impure”
“If his name is Barbapapa, then is his first name Papa and his surname Barba!?” (Barbapapa is an old anime)
Mabo: “Guitars sure are sweet.” Tomo: “BECAUSE I CARRY THEM, RIGHT”
Looking at a taxidermy cat: “Was it smoked?” (the term is 'stuffed’)
While in a river for shooting: “It’s so cold my asshole is widening”
On Music Station: “I might get the lyrics wrong again, so I wish you guys would stop putting our lyrics on the screen!”
About the V that forms in his hotpants and how the shape of his dick is visible: “I mean, that’s usually the case anyway”
