Band of Brothers as stuff I’ve heard in the nurse’s office over the years
Lieb: “Hurry the fuck up and get me some Ibuprofen. I gotta get back to class so I don’t end up with some shitty job like yours.”
Winters: “Chemistry accident.”
Nix: *holding tissue in nose and ice pack over face* “I wanted to see what would happen if I smashed my face into the desk.”
Shifty: “I was attacked by a basketball in gym class.”
Martin: “Dammit I was almost 2 minutes late for my meds. Fucking rush hour.”
Malarkey: “Being around all these idiots has given me a migraine.”
Compton: “Yeah, I’m just going to keep napping in the back for 20 more minutes. Don’t worry, I won’t tell your boss, you won’t get fired.”
Welsh: “Don’t mind me, just grabbing a bandaid.” *limping on an alarmingly bloody skinned knee with gravel in it*
Guarnere: “Well, he punched me in the face, so I pulled my blade on him. Anyway, I think I might be expelled this time.”
Speirs: “Um, I gouged my eye with a pen, and I probably should go to the emergency room. I may literally have seconds before I go blind, but I insist on driving myself.”
Luz: “Heeeeeey, how’s it going! No, I’m not here for any reason. Geometry was boring, so...”
Roe: *to nurse* “So I have a hangnail, and I would like to go home now please.”
Tab: *soaking wet* “I hopped in the safety shower ‘cuz we ran out of hand sanitizer, what’s up?”
Lip: “I was just walking along, having an existential crisis, when I tripped on my shoelace and fell down the stairs.”
Heffron: “Okay, I was spinning around and around like this and then I hit my head on a cabinet and threw up. Here I’ll show you.” *proceeds to do an elaborate reenactment*
Webster: *crying* “Life sucks, let me lay down.”
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