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Madame’s chambers

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[beautifvltrauma]

MOTHERLY LOVE

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beautifvltrauma‌:

A small smile pulled at the corners of Seulki’s mouth once he heard the Madame’s soothin voice responding to him. When did this late night visits begin? Must be the second night he was in the brothel - He wandered around the big house and got lost but found his way to the Madame’s room. She was warm and very welcoming, something Seulki had not encounter in a very, very long time…

So, whenever he got the chance to come see the Madame, he did, and he felt comforted and at ease, and it was probably the reason how his mind settled and he decided to remain at the bordello for the time being… He was unsure at first if he was staying or not. This was no place for a decent man, he could hear his father saying. But he was neither decent nor a man… But the Madame didn’t mind that, did she?

“Am I?” He then said, his voice quiet but he knew the woman heard him. “Does it soothe you, Madame?” He continued, putting a little more pressure on the woman’s calf using his fingertips. “Hmmm,” he hummed, falling into a deep thought, “I don’t know where and how I learned to do this…” He said before raising his eyes to meet the Madame’s, the smoke coming from her cigarette permeating his nose. “It was quiet today… Two clients came to visit me earlier. Nothing much happened…” His shoulders shrugged, fingers continue to work on the woman’s muscles. When she reached to brush strands of his hair off his face, he beamed but that quickly disappear when concern settled in the middle of his chest. “Madame…” He started, his fingers slowing their work on the woman’s leg. “Do I…” He breathed out, “I’m having thoughts - About my work,” he suddenly felt timid, maybe even scared, worried, that if he blurted out what went on his head that he’d find himself once again homeless…

A smal laugh escaped her mouth with a puff of smoke. “It doesn’t matter to me when or where you learned. I”m just so very glad you did” She listened to him recount the days events, humming and nodding. Nothing out of the ordinary, many of their chats were just like this. Just chit chat about this and that, she’d tell him stories about some of his clients just to make sure he knew who and what he was dealing with. She gave away little secrets. Just enough for his to have an easier life in the establishment.

Tonight though she sensed an uneasiness about his manner, or was it his voice? Whatever it was, there was something not quite right. They’d had serious talks before and many more cheerful ones but he seemed especially timid to her today. “Mhmm?” she hummed as a question as he started, “Do I...what?” SHe thought but before he explained he seemed to change his mind about what he was thinking or how he wanted to say it. It had not been an incredibly long time that he had been with her and they had grown quite close. She felt she could sense and gauge his moods a lot better now, and he always responded well to her affectionate gestures as not all of the other workers did. Something her mother had told her once came to her mind. You may have 5 children, just like the 5 fingers on one hand and you will love them all the same regardless of the fact that they are all different. For her, they were different though. She would never admit it but she did have favourites and although she made sure they all had the same rights and treated each and every one of her bordello children fairly and equally, when it came to love and affection, she did have favourites and Seulki was one of them.

“Seulki, look at me please” She sat up a bit more and smiled a kind smile, eyes beaming warmness. “These thoughts...do you want to share?” She asked quietly putting out her cigarette and waving her hand about to dispel the smoke. “You know I am always here to listen and help in any way I can” She reassured him placing her hand on his arm and rubbing it softly.

[iboh]

[burningbodhi]

Never Pet a Stray

[madametamara-blog]

burningbodhi‌:

Bodhi smiled down at his feet. He often felt like this in her presence. Determined to repay her kindness with good behavior. “Does cocoa from the pack count?” Lifting his eyes to meet her own, a sheepish grin hung from his lips. Was this the spot where he told her there weren’t a lot of things he couldn’t remember. “I know milk even makes the pack taste better than when you use water.” Now wasn’t the time. He wasn’t sure where to start and food or cocoa was a better distraction than losing himself in the questions piling up in his head. He was definitely ready to learn and he watched her gather the items.

He got confused a few times. Looking at the multitude of ingredients but she was always there to clear the confusion. Or at least the sound of her hums were enough to correct him when he was on the verge of making a disastrous mistake. When it was all over, he’d managed to mix everything and he was ready to place the pan on the burner when he thought of one more thing. He wasn’t sure where it came from but like most things that randomly became clear in his mind, the thought was screaming on high alert in his brain. “Madame, where is the cinnamon. I think a little shake, not a lot, just a small amount, would be good in the cocoa.”

Allowing himself to relax when her hands cupped his face, Bodhi returned her smile. There was something familiar in her eyes, an understanding. If anything, he’d come to learn that those who worked in the home and visited as clients, they were all different. Many of them were not human and that caused him to wonder about the Madame. Was she also not as human as she appeared. What things had she seen and endured in life. She approached every situation with wisdom and patience. She’d been extremely patient with him. She’d also had the wisdom to give him distance until he became acclimated to the home and his place there. Still there were very few things he knew about her, including why she’d taken this particular business on with the staff in place. 

Following Madame to the table, Bodhi took a seat. Slipping his hands beneath his thighs as he bounced his legs up and down. Nervous energy flowed through him as he came to the realization that now was the time. This was the moment to speak and share the glitches in his memory and what he knew of how he came to be. “I don’t remember much about my family.” He left his words there. He’d allow her to think what she wanted, distance, disappearance, death, and time could all be explanations for his statement. “I’ve been alone for a long time.” He didn’t look at her. His legs continued to bounce and he stared down at the floor. 

The scents from the pot began to envelope his senses, relaxing him more. “If I’m honest Madame.” Wrenching his eyes from the ground he looked at her, “There’s things I don’t remember about myself. My past. Who I may have been.” 

The smell was comforting, the sweet milky steam wafted in her direction, she wasn’t standing too far behind Bodhi. She made sure to keep a watchful but non-intrusive eye on him as he followed her directions. He did well, always eager to please. A little smile tugged at the corners of her lips, he really was like a sweet little puppy. “Cinnamon would most certainly make a delicious addition, Bodhi” She turned and went to the spice rack, people didn’t really have spice racks anymore but she liked to keep with what she knew, she flipped up the lid. “Here it is, add a little shake. Off you go” She smiled as she watched him. “And now we wait” She waved her hand towards the table, “Let’s sit a while”

 She raised an eyebrow expectantly, he was bobbing up and down a little, must be feeling nervous she thought. She’d let him start in his own time, no point in badgering him into speaking before he was ready. Naturally she was curious, insanely so in fact. Not that he or anyone would realise, her cool, collected exterior hid a lot. When she was young her mother told her that her face gave her true feelings away despite the words that came out of her mouth. She hated that. And she was determined to control her facial expressions to exude what she wanted to instead of what she was actually feeling. 

Years of practising in the mirror helped her to perfect her poker face. She learned that the left side of her mouth would quiver when she was uncomfortable, her eyes would dilate and she’d blink a little more quickly when she was excited. These and other tells were erased over time and sometimes she’d perform them on purpose to make the person in front of her think she was feeling one thing when in fact she was feeling something very different.

Listening to him she nodded slowly, “You don’t remember much...Seems like you do remember something” She shrugged, “And that is a very good start sweetheart” Reaching to squeeze his hand, she spoke gently as he wasn’t looking at her.

 “And now, your are not alone any longer. I am here”

She just nodded at what he said next. He looked at her now. Nodding once more she started, “And that bothers you of course” Her eyes met his and she paused to flick a lock of golden hair off her face. A little interlude was necessary she felt before she went on, she broke the tension by standing up.

The smell of the cocoa filled the kitchen. She went to the pot, “Looks like it’s ready, shall I pour?” Without waiting for his reply, she did just that and passed him a mug and leaned against the counter. “The past is the past sweetheart, we can’t change it and we shouldn’t dwell upon it too much, but perhaps there are things we can do to find out about our past” She took a welcome sip of cocoa eyes lowering for a moment before she looked back up at him.

[fionagoodeinthehoode]

“By the time you’re past middle age, you get a really strong sense of self. I don’t care what people think of me anymore.” - Jessica Lange

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[burningbodhi]

Never Pet a Stray

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burningbodhi‌:

madametamara‌:

Bodhi had been wandering for weeks on end. Whenever he tried to recall the reason behind his current state, he couldn’t. His mind tried and failed to piece together past events that would allow him to understand how he reached this place and point in time. Surely he’d had a master. Someone to dictate when he walked on two legs or four. A guide who pointed him to those worthy of his wrath and his escort to the grave and the hell they deserved. At that point in his very short history, he couldn’t remember who held that role and even worse, he struggled to maintain control over his natures. The weather affected him. The chill in the winter air, threatened to damage his very human skin and so he morphed to the beast that often struck fear in those he encountered. The scent of sulfur was his calling card and where most dogs would have barked, he snarled and growled. Even worse was the desire deep within him to not only attack but to feast on a sin sick soul. He remanded himself to the woods. Desperate to fight of his urges but on that night it became impossible. 

The stench of intent on the man was heavy. Violent thoughts called to Bodhi, whispering to him even in that form. He’d followed the sound, emerging from the woods on a path that led to a magnificent house hidden from the main road. The thoughts grew louder the closer he got to the man. They also became clearer and Bodhi, the beast was determined not to allow him entry into the home. Paws tore through the snow, breaking both ice and snow until they reach the dirt buried deep beneath the surface. He could feel his body heating from his core, hell fire burning on his tongue. The man noticed him immediately and although he chased him, catching the tail of his blazer, Bodhi didn’t taste flesh and his target escaped. 

He’d failed and for that reason, Bodhi whimpered in defeat. Those feelings didn’t last. The desperation rose and he clawed at the door. Still aware of the thoughts and intentions the man possessed. His whimpers grew louder and when he believed they weren’t heard; he snarled and growled, intent on making his presence known and having his voice heard. He needed to feed, be it on the flesh of the sinner inside those doors or on some moderate sustenance to hold him until the next day. 

She’d opened the door that night and what became of the drunken man slumped in the chair by the Christmas tree was his first act as protector of the house. Madame had comforted him then much like she did now. It was the soothing nature of her voice and the soft touch of her hand. They calmed him, regardless of the form he held. Standing there in the middle of the hall, he relished the feel of her cool hand against his warm skin. Nodding softly before replying, “Cocoa would be nice.” 

He didn’t have to ask for things. There was no real discussion of earning his place, Bodhi just fell into a role that fit him at the time. Madame allowed him to adjust to life at the Bordello and those who were like her children that could the house their home. After his arrival and his first appearance as a clueless young man, Madame continued to comfort and nurture him. Most would have peppered him with questions, eager to learn the secrets of the beast who could also walk as a man. Not Madam. It all came in his own time. 

Following her to the kitchen, Bodhi turned on the lights and reached for the mugs. He wanted her to know he was thankful for a place to stay and everything she had done. “I can help you make it. Just tell me what I need to do.” At times he found silence soothing but tonight he didn’t. He wanted to fill the silence around them with their voices. Standing with her at the counter, he opened the door to the secrets he’d been holding since his arrival. “It’s okay if you want to ask me stuff about how…” His voice hung there, unsure of how to finish the sentence. “Just if you were curious about anything.” 

Patience is a virtue that Tamara possessed in bucketloads. It was something she prided herself in, sometimes it was a virtue and at other it was a weapon and at those particular times it meant that she avoided defeat against the matter at hand. The most recent matter had been the nasty little man with his egotistical demands, she had not thought that her need for patience would be so short lived with Bodhi turning up at  her doorstep. And even though violence was something she chose to avidly avoid, the matter was out of her hands as soon as the hound spied the drunk slumped in the chair. She and the security had no way of stopping the beast as he moved towards the drunk and sunk his teeth into him. The whole bloody encounter took only a few moments it seemed but Madame was not scared. She knew she was safe and held her hand up to the security. “Get this mess cleaned up before the smell of blood attracts anyone else” Looking into the beasts eyes afterwards she smiled. “Good boy” She murmured leading him away once he had calmed down. And the subject was never spoken of again.

“You have never made cocoa before?” She asked, “Well then you must learn” She added with a friendly wink. She got a pan, milk, cocoa powder and some sugar. And placed them in front of Bodhi and clapped her hands. “Ready for your lesson in cocoa?” She proceeded to tell him how to make it and watched him nodding and humming sounds of approval as she did.

“I do want to get to know you a little bit more” she cupped his face in her hands and smiled widely, the creases around her eyes crinkled, it was something she had grown to maybe to not love but she now at least accepted them. She did not return his openness with her own and never spoke much of herself or her past to her children, the past was the past as far as she was concerned. But with others...her children? She wanted to know about the things that hadn’t come terms with herself. Family. Loss. Suffering. Pain.

He seemed uncertain in his tone but he was wanting to talk, that was clear. One question at a time she thought although she had many. “Tell me about your family.” She said sitting down at the kitchen table.

[burningbodhi]

Never Pet a Stray

[madametamara-blog]

burningbodhi‌:

Timeline: 23rd December 2017, Saturday, just before midnight. Location: 2nd floor of the Bordello. Mood: Confused. Uneasy. Worried. Attire: See below.

Three days or four, Bodhi couldn’t remember. That wasn’t new. His memory failed him on several things as of late, his age, where he originated, and just how he was capable of interchangeably moving from four legs or two. What he wasn’t confused about was the debt of gratitude who owed the woman who now filled the role of his savior. She’d comforted him, ran her fingers through his thick fur, and a few days after his arrival when he stumble naked into her bedroom, she’d known exactly who he was and didn’t question the change in his form. 

This wasn’t the first time and he was sure it wouldn’t be the last but he still found comfort in the midst of his confusion. He’d shown up plenty of times, four legs, black fur, and burning eyes. The things of children’s nightmares when they originally thought they’d found a new pet. His nature could be vicious when taunted or even encouraged to seek blood, however the invitation he bore to welcome the worthy to death, was fated and selected long before he was part of the picture. Something had fractured in recent months, possibly years. Leading Bodhi on a journey that offered few answers or explanations. Finding himself with his head bowed, whimpering, whining from his mouth while standing at her feet was the first thing that made sense. 

There were several things that didn’t make sense to him about his life but Bodhi was certain there was a purpose for his arrival at the Madame’s door. He could recall the faces and the sounds of footsteps he heard when he was crouched in the corner of the main room, watching the scene of the days play out before him. When he wasn’t watching he was distracted by his paws or the rare sight of his tail. On that night, it had been the angry sound of a client’s voice that provoked more than the innocent pup. That provoked the beast hidden in furry form. It had been Madame’s rebuke that calmed him. Causing bared teeth and reddened eyes to submit to the sound of her voice. The same whimpers and whines returning, as his plea for forgiveness, in spite of the threat he’d posed just moments before.

In the days that had passed, Bodhi had returned to his human form. Sleeping both day and night, hiding from both staff and clients in the Bordello. He’d been content to remain that way. Think through his next steps and piece together the fragments of his memory but there was something clawing inside of his head, be it curiosity or simply a desire to understand what had drawn him to the Bordello and the Madame. Finally leaving his bed and the room she’d graciously provided to him, he hadn’t expected to encounter anyone as he moved through darkness inside of the house. His arms had wrapped around his shirtless torso before falling to his sides but it didn’t last. Motioning over his shoulders, he shrugged, looking for an explanation for not only the recent distance but why he was sneaking around the house in the middle of the night. “I was hungry.” Voice shaking with uncertainty, he continued, “Did you need anything Madame, I can get you something from the kitchen…the bar in the study.”

@madametamara

Christmas time was always a love/hate thing with Tamara. Memories of Christmas past invaded her otherwise calm mindset. Happy memories that now stung deep in her heart. Funnily enough this time of year also brought out the best in her. Her usual sense of compassion was in abundance and her nurturing side was in full force. It seemed that she needed to keep busy and keep her mind of giving more and more of herself. Much more than usual. 

Madame of the Bordello put up the Christmas tree and decorated the reception room ready for the festive season. She insisted that all her children that worked under her roof help.It was a real occasion and everyone had their jobs and responsibilities. Some were designated ornament hangers, someone had to be the DJ playing Christmas songs and carols, the best baker of the brothel baked cookies and stollen. And everyone had to wear red. It did not matter what religion they were or how they had been brought up. This was a time for family and togetherness and god knows everyone in the Bordello needed that feeling.

Tamara always put the angel tree topper on and lit the lights. There were always plenty of “ooohhs” and “aahhhs” and the smile on each person’s face made it all worthwhile. 

It was nearing midnight and the staff had disappeared one by one as this was an incredibly busy time for the brothel. It was not only those that lived under her roof that needed a little extra love, it seemed.  They all had their regular clients and Tamara could have gone back to her room as they were all trusted and old clients and besides if there was any trouble security would call her. However she felt like sitting in front of the tree a little while longer. A client without an appointment showed up at that moment, somewhat tipsy and he started complaining about “some mutt” that had scared him so he made his way to Madame’s quickly and demanded someone to ‘calm him down” Madame politely told him that there was no-one available and he wanted to wait. She rolled her eyes as she turned her back on him for a moment but he sensed her irritation and yanked at her arm, telling her to “get those fuckers upstairs to hurry up” Pulling her arm away carefully and cursing the ill-mannered man behind her sweet but fake smile she offered him a drink. Thankfully he accepted and slumped in the armchair beside the tree. Fingers crossed the fool would pass out soon she thought.

At that moment she heard some scratching at the door, security glanced over at her and she shook her head. No more strays or problems tonight. Then she thought she heard some kind of high-pitched whine and she strode over to the door and opened it, pushing security aside. She didn’t think, she didn’t wonder. There was some kind of instinctive need to open the door and help. A large black dog looked up at her with a strange look in it’s eyes, immediately she bent down. “There, there boy, are you cold hmm? Hungry?” He felt cold, “Come one sweet boy, come on in.” She stepped aside and pulled the dog gently. “Stavros, get food.There’s leftover bones from the ribs we had tonight” She snapped without taking her eyes off the beast that stood at her feet whimpering quietly. She bent down and nuzzled his face. “It’s alright sweet boy, I’ll take care of you” She whispered.

Without thinking she had taken in the huge creature, without knowing what it was, how it would react. Her instinct told her he needed her and that is what she gave into. She knew the beast needed protecting and brushed away comments from the others that lived under her roof. The poor thing was scared and he growled and snarled sensing that he wasn’t wanted by those others but Madame wanted him there and that was all that mattered. And she as not surprised when she eventually saw him in his human form soon after. She offered him a blanket to wrap himself up and filled the  bath for him. They didn’t talk much and she thought it best to allow him to come to her in his own time and tell her his story.

One night soon after his arrival she had gotten out of bed to get herself a hot drink and noticed a dark figure in the hallway, as she approached she smiled. “Bodhi” She mouthed and eyed him up and down, he’d get cold walking around like that. The frown disappeared when he spoke and she caressed his cheek softly, “Bodhi, dear...you do not need to explain yourself. If you’re hungry then eat. We are not on wartime rations thank god!” Nodding at his question, she walked passed him beckoning him to follow. “Come with me” She said walking back towards the stairs to head down to the kitchen. “I was going to make myself some cocoa, you want to join?”

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Birds flyin’ high, you know how I feel

Sun in the sky, you know how I feel Breeze driftin’ on by, you know how I feel It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life for me. Yeah, it’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life for me, ooooooooh… And I’m feelin’ good.

[fypoetry]

men want to fix you save you or fuck you I can’t be fixed and I don’t care to be saved

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If they want to fix or save you...well they’ll have to pay extra for that darling

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[beautifvltrauma]

MOTHERLY LOVE

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beautifvltrauma‌:

Timeline: 7th January 2019, Monday, late evening… Location: Madame’s bedroom.  Mood: Awake, quiet. Attire: See this post.

@madametamara

It had been quiet in the brothel for the past days… It did’t help that it had been very cold as well. Perhaps the weather was keeping the clients off the streets, Seulki wondered. On the other hand, he didn’t mind the cold. He was used to it after living many years by the ocean where the weather changed drastically at times. Although, this area was different from home, he realized and he was still adjusting to it. Different sights, different language, different people… He gets homesick a lot despite being away from home for almost three years now. He missed his father. His siblings. Even his step-mother… Moving to a new environment was always difficult; it had never been easy for him especially when he was on his own. But this time, he had the Madame to thank for her kindness for letting her in under her roof. 

Seulki had been living in the brothel for a couple of months. It’s enough time to get to know everyone that worked for the Madame but he had to admit, he rarely talked to a lot of them. It’s not because he was shy instead, he was cautious having such history with people in the past. They were either enchanted by him or they hated him to the point that they used violence towards him. It was all because of who he was.

But the Madame didn’t seem to be affected by whatever curse that surrounded him. When the woman first laid eyes on him, he saw curiosity in her eyes but without the delusion that usually accompanied such stares from others. It was then Seulki slowly realized that there was a possibility of connecting to someone without putting himself in danger. 

Still, weeks passed before he was able to let himself get close to the Madame. Small talks especially late at night when the brothel was slow and the rest were resting… He couldn’t remember when was the last time he had confided in another person and he appreciated the fact that the Madame was welcoming.

Tonight, after washing up, instead of heading to his tiny room, he made his way to the Madame’s quarters, lightly knocking on the wooden door before entering quietly. In there, he found the Madame on the bed. He walked up, carefully climbing and sitting at the foot of the bed where he reached for one of her legs and gently massaged her calf. 

“Are you awake?” His voice was low and calm, fingers working lightly on her tensed muscle…

It had seemed quiet the past few days. At least it had seemed quiet to those on the outside. Seulki, Bohdi and the others had not been so busy and this had given Tamara time to think about what was happening behind the pristine facade of the bordello. Something she could not name was looming, some dark and curious thing. It gave her the feeling that she assimilated to crumbling or decaying. 

There were most definitely things going on that she did not like and it was not in her nature to simply sit back and do nothing but that was all she could do at the present moment. The time to think and ponder was now. It was not yet the time for action. It was time to sleep or at least give the impression of sleeping. The weeks after the winter solstice made things seem more sleepy and it seemed that many had, in fact gone into hibernation. So she would wait. The waiting game was her specialty and she had a lot of patience, it came naturally to her. It took her weeks, months even to find suitable candidates to work in the bordello. Sometimes she would stalk from afar, silently observe the object of her curiosity. She had to make sure they were suitable in every way. People never really understood that she was not just an old woman picking up strays left, right and centre. There was most definitely a method to her madness. That and instinct, she would know if someone was right for the bordello and she just liked to play the game of making sure. 

It was a kind of pull, a magnetic force if you will that led her to many. With some that force was strong. Like with sweet Seulki, she felt when they needed her. When they needed a mother. As do mothers feel when their child needs them. 

He had adapted to his new home quite quickly or at least he was happy with her. He kept himself to himself mostly and there had been a jealous comment or two with some of the others complaining about some made up silly thing. She likened it to school child complaints; “He took my pencil” She won’t let me play with the puzzle” It was hard at times to keep everyone happy but she would not abide tattletales. Children needed love and attention but they also needed a firm hand where necessary, her children would not be spoiled. Not that Seulki was the least bit spoiled. He was gentle and kind and soon people would see that. He just needed to come out of his shell a little. And he would do that when he was good and ready. She enjoyed their late night talks, sipping hot cocoa ( with a dash of cognac ) It was peaceful when the bordello folk were asleep or had retired to their quarters. He had not turned up at her door tonight but she waited anyway. She got ready for bed and propped up her pillows gently laying her head on them. She’d just rest her eyes for a while...

The next thing she knew he was there whispering, “Yes, yes. I’m awake now” She muttered without opening her eyes. Then peeking at him slowly she smiled. “You are so very good at that Selki” She reached over for her cigarettes. “No, no. Keep going” She chimed, her voice a little gravely from her short nap. “I was wondering where you had got to”  She lit a cigarette and exhaled slowly. “How has today been?” She said raising a hand to stroke his hair off his forehead.