currently curb stomping my adhd

primarily obsessed with tadc and undertale/utmv, but also have a ton of on and off again hyperfixations that i can and will shove down your throat if you ask nicely :)

[maddiemare]

welcome to my little corner of the internet

here's a little masterpost to organize my stuff a little:

check out my art here, i do that from time to time

look at my inane rambling here: utmv rambles & maddie rambles

check out my Ao3 here, i tend to update my current fics every now and then when i can

speaking of fics, current stories i'm working on if you wanna check them out:

(dividers created by @sisterlucifergraphics)

three years after...:

an afterdeath series fic that takes place after a canon aftertale ending; wip

part 1: do you like me better underneath the sunlight?: completed

part 2: you terrible (delicate) thing: completed

part 3: tba

part 4: tba

your mama's crying for you (papa's lying):

a found family fic where pj and graident are taken under dream's care - oh and palette's there too; still a wip

asks are open if you wanna yap away

cheers to the fools who got away:

a knifeplay duo (killer and lust) centered fic - contains mature themes

[chez-cinnamon]

Some more crossover doodles !! This first one being another GameMaster x Digital Wonderland scene for @endomentendo -

And these two being some doodles for @randomhyperfixation !!! <3

[peteculver224416]

Caine's gonna come back guys trust

[constellations2]

SPOILERS FOR TADC LAST ACT EPISODE 9

I actually thought the trans rep was great!

We have Zooble, who's struggling with body dysmorphia, but then ends the series being (mostly) self-actualized.

Then we have Jax, who has been hardcore repressing the entire series, slamming on the breaks HARD whenever she begins to start questioning or feels perceived (internalised queerphobia is real), and we get to see the two main endings of that: a version who never manages to actually accept herself (bad ending), and a version that is seemingly taking steps towards socially transitioning (growing out hair, dysphoria hoodie, Riley's bar, etc), AKA the hopeful ending.

The fact that some people seem to be completely oblivious to how not every trans person can accept themself, and that self-acceptance is messy business.

Queer folk are just as flawed and messy and differing from each other as het, cis folk!

I'm not saying the episode was perfect, but I really enjoyed it besides a couple nitpicks. I get discourse on quality of the ending. Some people were disappointed - I can see where they're coming from. But to deny the powerful messaging behind Jax's transness (and maybe it could have been better, but it was still pretty damn good), whether you liked the ending or not, is wild to me.

I'm not even saying this as a Jax fan. I went into the finale as someone who knows that Jax is an objectively terrible person, but still being able to appreciate depth of character.

I was genuinely euphoric when my suspicions that Jax is transfem were confirmed - I really didn't think it would be made so obvious. I'm really hopeful that Leroy (who has not committed all the terrible acts Jax did) can find her way to self-fulfillment, and I'm terribly sad Jax gave up before ever being able to start working towards redemption.

It's a tragedy, but not devoid of hope. It's a message to the audience. It's a bittersweet ending (but hey, look at the inspiration)

[yummycrummy]

the guy.... (and some angst ❤️)

[kaninneko]

I don't think I've seen anyone post about the references to The Truman Show in episode 9 yet, so here they are:

Caine discovering the edge of the world, a fake barrier

Disembarking and getting onto land in order to get closer to the exit

Stairs leading up to the exit

Open hand pushing the door open (even though both have visible handles in-scene)

Unexpected reference from Pomni at the very end! Turning up to look at the camera. (Truman smiles and bows, pomni smiles and waves. I zoomed in the first one to show a better match shot, actual shot is below)

Plus the one that may or may not be a reference: Caine in the fetal position as he's recovering from being emotionally ruined as he is pushed towards the edge of the world (and attempts to break free), much like how Truman is thrown overboard, comes back up, and is also curled over before he gets up to try and break free again

The key differences? First off, Caine knows the world is fake and knows there is an exit. he can literally see it. He runs to it, because he knows it exists. Truman doesn't really know yet if there is an exit. The wall has to break before he sees it, but with Caine it's the other way around.

Second, goes back in afterwards. Because he has friends who are valuable to him, he gathers the info he needs, and then returns back to the virtual world. He also already has someone who loves him on the inside, rather than how Truman has someone he is longing for on the outside.

This isn't a difference but instead a commentary - Pomni being the one to look up and wave at the end despite the other references belonging to Caine does make sense. The story starts with her, and in the end she did break free of the cycle that TADC followed before her. She was born in the real world, and now she is living in a different, changed world, that she gets to properly explore and live out. Just like how Truman was born into the fake world and leaves to go into a different and changed world, too.

Please let me know if I missed anything! I tried to do the closest match shots that I could.

[numuumorig]

…yeah

[hiijinkies]

no excuse i just like dressing him down

[constantlyrunicmaze]

A couple of doodles for the (currently) unnamed AU/AT.

Caine gave up on adventures for the most part, so that would mean that any characters (after Kinger's group) who abstracted purely from a bad adventure should still be around.

But how many of the abstractions were triggered specifically by an adventure...? (We may never know.)

[plwink]

Notes . . . . .

Context: Due to the movie poster, I imagined a rather different ending for the circus—where Jax’s known manifestation through deep dissociation comes to a breaking point, he semi-abstracting, becoming two; a virus that takes over the circus (of which displays his memories physically, that then go on to slowly consume the circus itself) whilst his none virus self witnesses it all, it eventually resulting in a self sacrifice from him that fails in the end to destroy the virus... (there's a lot to this au honestly, but if you wanna know smth specific shoot me an ask)

We didn’t get that, so I thought, wow! I sure did have a ludicrously specific vision for that ending huh? Sounds like something I could draw.... There is an extra page at the end thats not done and a panel i wanna draw between pages 2-3 to make the transition a lil less jarring but im losing stamina with this so take these pages, if people like it maybe ill finish-finish it faster but if not eh we'll see how many millions of years ill take to come back to it.

Also, the font belongs to @/moonfloat !

[constantlyrunicmaze]

(I'LL DO EVERYTHING,) (I'LL GIVE UP ANYTHING,) WHATEVER YOU WANT, WHATEVER YOU NEED, AS LONG AS YOU'RE ALIVE, HERE WITH ME.

Decided on a name, inspired by a suggestion from @hopping-birds-101.

(It's a) Colorful Life AU, by @constantlyrunicmaze

[urfavvsarah]

how it feels to be the only one in this fucking fandom who actually liked the ending of tadc

[cherrycumpot]

Beach episode))

Adapter to my telegram channel (I'm always there) : @adaptercherry

[yellowlartdump]

[bestatsavingface]

Accept yourself or suffer the consequences.

That is my big takeaway from Jax's story in The Amazing Digital Circus, and I love it. I can accept that people will have varying opinions on Jax, on his actions and inner self, and how he changed the circus irrevocably thanks to his choices.

But despite that, I need people to get that this is a story that should be told.

Spoilers below, scroll away if you haven't watched the finale.

Jax is a tragedy. He is a queer person stuck in a body they never asked for, a world they cannot escape from, and with a mind that cannot relax enough in this situation to accept himself or his current life. He hides behind a mask of his own making, and when it slips it terrifies him to the point of hurting whoever saw his true self shine through. He is a failure to thrive, be it the cause of his environment or himself or a mix of the many hurdles we all face when trying to hide from our truth. He is a quintessential LGBTQ+ story personified, even if people don't like to acknowledge that some stories are not good, are not kind. He couldn't accept himself, and it tore him and the people he cared about apart until there was nothing left.

Jax is also a happy ending, not in the circus, but outside of it. The real Jax, the person his circus copy came from, did not get his counterpart's tragic ending. He had the opportunity to grow and learn and become the person he wanted to be, or at least he's begun on that path. He's found friends with whom he can be honest, and he's found his place in the world. He accepted himself, proven through the confirmation that he frequents the real-life Zooble's bar, which is confirmed to be a queer social spot, the sort of place Jax from the circus wouldn't be caught dead in. The Jax outside is a version of him the circus version could never fathom becoming.

And ultimately, Jax is a warning. A cautionary tale. He is a bright purple neon sign telling us all to acknowledge those parts of us that scare us the most before they destroy us. He is both a reminder than things can get worse, but they can also get better. It all depends on the choices you make, the forgiveness you allow yourself to make them with, and the space you get to grow in. Not all of this is easily changed, but you don't need to start with all three. Give yourself the chance, though, and your happy ending could be right around the corner. And if you deny your truth? If you wield it like a weapon against people who try to help? Well, it just might hurt you next.

[amneshionthings]

[amneshionthings]

kinda spoiler of ep 9

1/7

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