The random ramblings of my fickle mind.

[madnessrules]

Assumpta: Father Clifford? Peter? I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what I  said in the pub.

Peter: It's alright.

Assumpta: No. No, I had no right to say something that cuts to the heart of what you believe in.

Peter: You were right though.

Assumpta: Right?

Peter: See, when I see this side of it, you know, of what I do. Moving statues, idolatry and ignorance. You know I sometimes think there is a very fine line.

Assumpta: Don't say that.

Peter: Why not it's how I feel. It's how you feel isn't it?

Assumpta: Doesn't matter how I feel. Having a belief is a different matter.

Peter: Right at this moment I'm not sure what I believe in. People. Me. You.... excuse me.

[madnessrules]

Peter: Coffee Assumpta.

Siobhan: That was a fighting speech Father. Woe unto ye. I haven't heard that since the Redemptrice.

Peter: Well, a sweating statue!

Assumpta: Oh. Simple People, simple faith.

Peter: Simple isn't the same as stupid Assumpta.

Assumpta: So where does simple end and stupid start? I mean, we're asked. No! You ask us to believe a whole load of things which on the face of it are just as incredible as.......

Peter: I'll tell you where stupid starts. Stupid starts with people believing a statue that doesn't move or speak or even bleed that sweats!

Assumpta: Well that's a bit rich coming from you considering what you claim to do on a daily basis up there on the alter!

Peter: I do not need this right now.

[Peter walks out]

Brendan: Assumpta? That's his vocation you just kneed in the groin.

Assumpta: Shut up Brendan.

[madnessrules]

Assumpta: Hi? What can I getcha?

Peter: Er, no. I'm fine thanks. I'm varnishing the church doors, I came to see if I could pick up a few volunteers. I'll come back later. If that's okay?

Assumpta: Well you could try the church. Apparently it still does a bit of passing trade.

Peter: Touche!

[madnessrules]

Peter: So what happened to your party?

Assumpta: Ah! It disappeared. Bit like your car.

Peter: Sorry.

Assumpta: Ah, what the heck. It's Christmas!

Peter:

Assumpta:

Peter:

[madnessrules]

Assumpta: Oh, would you look who it is! It's the Priest and the Priest to be!

Siobhan, Brendan, Brian, Donal. Liam:  Hi Father. Merry Christmas!

Assumpta: You alright? You look as though you've just lost your best friend.

Peter: Ask him.

Timmy: I just killed his car.

Assumpta: The Javlin!

Timmy: Fell over the cliff.

Peter: Total write-off..... I loved that car.

Assumpta: Oh, well I... I think a stiff drink's allowed eh?

Peter:

[madnessrules]

Assumpta: For the Turkey?

Peter: Oh! Yeah.

Assumpta: So you killed it? I didn't think you'd have the....

Peter: I hear you have a party coming. That'll be nice.

Assumpta: Yeah. It'll be fun. Look, I'd better get back Siobhan's minding the bar. See ya.

Peter: Mmmm. See ya.

Assumpta: See ya!

Peter: Oh! Happy Chr...............

[madnessrules]

Peter: Is that what you're looking for Assumpta?

Assumpta: No. No no I don't know what I'm looking for. Anyway I'm not likely to find it here, am I?

Peter: You can find it anywhere.

Assumpta: Do you believe everything you hear?

Peter: Why not? I'm a Man of Faith aren't I?

[madnessrules]

Assumpta: What's the matter?

Peter: Is it true you're leaving?

Assumpta: Oh.... This place drives you mad. You say something you might as well post it on a wall.

Peter: Are you?

Assumpta: Right now I have something rather more important on my mind.

Peter: Beer?

Assumpta: Yeah.

Peter: What about it?

Assumpta: It's duty free!

Peter: What do you mean?

Assumpta: Smuggled into the country. I didn't pay any duty on it.

Peter: What!

Assumpta: I had burst pipes and an exploding tank to pay for. I had to do it.

Peter: You had me carry it in for you!

Assumpta: Don't be so pious!

Peter: Why didn't you tell me?

Assumpta: Whether I should sell bootleg beer?

Peter: You know what I mean. About leaving BallyK.

Assumpta: It's my business.

Peter: I care about you Assumtpa.....No, perhaps you're right. It is your business. I-I just thought that w-we............

Assumpta: Yeah I know Peter but, um.......I haven't decided anything yet. When I'm ready you'll all know what I'm going to do. Okay?

[madnessrules]

Peter: Would you talk to her?

Assumpta: Oh. It's not my place to. What happened between Siobhan and Brendan is their business.

Peter: Yeah, but we just can't stand by and watch them fall out over this.

Assumpta: Well, things might work out between them.

Peter: No. These kind of complications always end up ruining friendships. 

Assumpta: It happens. Sometimes it can't be helped.

Peter: I hate to see people I care about get hurt.

Assumpta:..... Alright, alright. I'll talk to her. When I get a chance.

Peter: Thanks. I really appreciate this.

Assumpta: What are friends for?

[madnessrules]

Assumpta: He's lucky I'm on this side of the bar or I'd lump him one.

Peter: Yeah, the thought had crossed my mind.

[madnessrules]

Peter: Busy?

Assumpta: When am I not?

Peter: You really should get help you know.

Assumpta: Oh yes! Bar staff or therapy?

Peter: I'm trying Assumpta...........

[madnessrules]

Peter: Hi. I saw Peggy's mum at mass. She'll be back next Monday so long as you promise not to make her laugh.

Assumpta: I think I can manage that.

Peter:And if you want me to moonlight in the meantime.... 

Assumpta: I don't thanks.

Peter: You'll be alright?

Assumpta: Not really. It's just easier by myself.

Peter: Assumpta?

Assumpta: You know, I don't mind the regulars I can rely on them to let me down, but you?

Peter: What have I done?

Assumpta: We were starting to have a conversation.

Peter: Hey Assumpta, it was past midnight, you said you were tired.

Assumpta: No, You said you had to go say mass. What sort of a friend are you? You're there for everybody else but when I want to talk to you you run off. You couldn't even look at me.

Peter: I never wanted to hurt you.

Assumpta: Well you managed it all the same.

Peter: Assumpta!

Assumpta: Just make up your mind where your priorities lie okay?

Peter: This is silly!

Assumpta: Really? Well until then you're not welcome in my bar.

Peter:........................?

[madnessrules]

Assumpta: Who needs extra staff when you've got the intercession of the church?

Peter: Ah, don't start depending on me. I'm not the reliable type. 

Assumpta: More reliable than most of them. I could be throwing a fit behind the bar and they'd be more worried about the head in their pints. No, you're the only one who gives a damn.

Peter: Oh, I don't know.....

Assumpta: You are.

Peter:.........Cheers.....So what was this terrible thing that Naimh said to you?

Assumpta: When? Oh, that.  Just, erm, something about me always wanting what I couldn't have.

Peter: Ah! The human condition.

Assumpta: Yeah, but you're human.

Peter: Huh! I've been promoted!

Assumpta: Do you ever want what you can't have?

Peter:....Yeah.

Assumpta: Well, what stopped you?

Peter: Hmmm?

Assumpta: what stopped you?

Peter:...... Me.

Assumpta: Why? What are you afraid of?

Peter: Nothing......

Assumpta:........

Peter:......Well I'm afraid I have to say mass at eight.

Assumpta: So that's it? It's that simple?

Peter: What?

Assumpta: Nothing. Go on, I'm tired.

Peter: You'll go to bed yeah?

Assumpta: I might. Some of us have free will.

Peter: We all have.

Assumpta: Mmmmm.

Peter: Night then.

Assumpta: Night. And thanks.

Peter: You're welcome.

[madnessrules]

Peter: Oh dear. Looks like you could use a skivvy.

Assumpta: it's not a skivvy I need, it's a flamethrower. I've been working on this great idea. It's a self-service pub. you see, you get the punters to pull their pints and then they pay me at the checkout.

Peter: But how do they get to savour your sparkling wit and repartee?

Assumpta: Don't you ever bog off?

Peter: That's the one I meant!

Assumpta: Well they can pay extra for it...... What are you doing?

Peter: Just training for a second career. In case the bottom drops out of god bothering.

Assumpta: Well there is more to it than just stacking glasses, I mean you have to move about ten time faster and then you have to wiggle your arse a bit.

Peter: I was wiggling it.

Assumpta: Oh, well, never mind. You make an okay Priest I hear.

[madnessrules]

Assumpta: How'd the talk go last night?

Peter: Er, very well I think, and, I've got some good news.

Assumpta: You're taking it on tour?

Peter: *laughs* About our baby.

Assumpta: Oh!

Peter: Looks hopeful that he'll go back to his mother.

Assumpta: Well that's grand.

Peter: It is isn't it?

Assumpta: Father Mac will be thrilled.

Peter: I can live with that. He'll have to............

[madnessrules]

Assumpta: So, you're going to lecture a bunch of teenagers about sex?

Peter: It was you who gave me the idea in the first place.

Assumpta: Oh that's right, blame me!

Peter: "Certain people think family planning is getting the kids to mass on time" Remember?

Assumpta: *yawns* I'm sorry. I'm not used to staying up all night with a priest.

Peter: Ha!

Assumpta: *giggles* Think I'll rephrase that next time!

Peter: Well I've got to find a  way of keeping these teenagers awake during me talk.

Assumpta: Well I doubt that will be a problem! Well it's not exactly going to be like your average Sunday morning sermon is it?

Peter: So how do kids find out about the facts of life over here?

Assumpta: Trial and error probably. But I learned most of my lessons in the back row of the Ritzy cinema. Had my first kiss in there.

Peter: Now there's an idea!

Assumpta: You can forget it, the Ritzy closed years ago!

Peter: No no no movies!!!

[madnessrules]

Assumpta: Well, erm, I suppose he's kinda cute. If you're into that sort of thing.

Peter: Eh, you just ignore her, she's a big softie really.

Assumpta: So. Did you get the number of the car?

Peter: No, but I think it was from somewhere outside Ballyk.

Assumpta: And how'd you work that out Colombo?

Peter: Well... because I didn't recognise the car, and I don't know of anyone around here that's expecting a baby. Do you?

Assumpta: Well, not officially anyway.

Peter: What does that mean?

Assumpta: Well, it wouldn't be the first time in Ireland that a girl gave birth to a baby in secret. Comes from living in a  country where some people think family planning means getting the kids to mass on time.

Peter: Oh, don't tell me. It's the church's fault, again.

Assumpta: Well, you don't exactly make things easy, do you?

Dr Ryan: Well I talked to the social worker in Cildargan, She'll be round as soon as possible to collec the wee fella.

Peter: Thanks Michael.

Dr Ryan: You wouldn't mind looking after him till she comes would you? He's better off staying here where it's warm.

Peter: I'll do my best.

Dr Ryan: It could be overnight?

Assumpta: Well I'll lend a hand if you like? See if I can discover my mothering instinct.

Peter: Thanks. I appreciate it.

Dr Ryan: Meanwhile I have to visit Ambrose, apparently he's injured himself

Assumpta: Is he alright?

Dr Ryan: Doesn't sound too serious. But I'll call anyway.

Peter: Sure. Don't worry. He's in safe hands now.

Assumpta: That's debatable!