a raven lost at sea

[maelstrav]

If you die again, let me love you first

Masterlist

Fandom: Tetro Danganronpa Rating: Mature Main Pairing: Hasegawa Ken/Kamimura Kazutoshi (MxM) POV: Ken (3rd person narration) Synopsis: An alternative universe in which Ken, after the events of Chapter 3's trial, is brought back in time and wakes up at the beginning of Day 22. Kazutoshi is still alive, and Ken has kept all his memories of the trial and what came before that. Now he has to make sure Kazutoshi doesn't die again.

Act 1 - Day 22 rewrite 1 • The sunrise after the fall

2 • The weight of silence

3 • Beneath the hunter’s gaze

4 • Unseen threads of fate

5 • The price of a second chance

6 • One step toward you, one away from the rest

7 • Wounds under the surface

8 • Trial of the Snare

9 • The lie you built

10 • The truth you want to bury

11 • The hunt you didn't win

12 • The hand that doesn’t let go

13 • Taints which do not fade

14 • Safe in my hands

15 • Where the walls give way

Act 2 - Chapter 4 rewrite 16 • Traces of the living

17 • Where wandering turns solemn

18 • The record of what went wrong

19 • A verdict not yet owed

20 • Threads of care

21 • What lingers after the storm

22 • The limits of trying

23 • What he could offer

24 • An attempt worth making

25 • Hanging by a thread

26 • While He slept

27 • In careful hands

28 • Something warm to wake up to

29 • What is given, what is taken

30 • Where it feels safe

31 • Don't forgive, don't forget

Act 3 - Chapter 5 rewrite ...

Jellifish divider credit: animatedglittergraphics-n-more

[maelstrav]

Now that Chapter 29 of my fic has come out I finally get to share my Hasemura redesigns that saw the light of day in early november last year (speak of a timing... a month later they became a "necessity") ⋆˙⟡

The art wasn't made by me but by Nanura on Toyhouse, so send her a lot of love 'cause she deserves it (づ ˃ ᵕ ˂)づ♡

Some design notes under the cut

Meant to replicate Hiroaki's outfit style - because designed by Hiroaki in-story. Lots of stripes and solid colors as a result, and obviously the kanjis, which are a necessity in my opinion.

Ken's outfit is based on a color palette that I found by typing "What colors go well with brown". While there were many different palettes, I went with blue and red to complement the brown so it'd link to Toshi.

It is a relatively simple outfit because even if it's Hiroaki designing it, he'd still be designing something for Ken... And Ken is boring. Hiroaki had a feeling Ken wouldn't like anything over the top so he made something simple that he could use in different contexts.

Can't have a Toshi redesign without black and/or blue. The base color is relatively simple because Toshi isn't the type to want flashy clothes... But it's a Hiroaki-made outfit. Of course he'll make it flashy anyway. Now do I think Toshi would wear this outside in the streets? Absolutely not. But when half your wardrobe has been destroyed by a wild fox you don't get to be too picky if you want to switch outfits every day.

The red on Toshi's outfit serves a specific purpose: looking like veins linking death, blood and the positive saying. A sort of hidden message Hiroaki offered Toshi by basically telling him: Even if your life right now is a mess from the deaths and bloodshed, it can get better.

Kazutoshi has pouches on his pants and are an addition Hiroaki thought out so he could hide some stuff in there instead of having to carry around a bag/satchel. Think: gloves, face masks, nail polish, meds. Stuff that he could need daily.

For the kanji translations:

危険 : Danger (Ken)

血 : Blood (Kazutoshi)

骨 : Bone (Kazutoshi)

死 : Death (Kazutoshi)

雲外蒼天 : Clear skies beyond the clouds ; no matter how dark or difficult things get, there is always a bright blue sky waiting beyond.

There's an additional phrase on Ken's pants, on the non-visible side of it: 能ある鷹は爪を隠す : A capable/clever hawk hides its claws ; a talented/intelligent person will not flaunt their abilities and instead keep them hidden until they are truly needed.

I want to believe that Hiroaki would pick words or phrases that make him think of the person he designed the clothes for, whenever he's making outfits for someone specific. Also picking those that sound coolest - with barely any thought about whether or not they could be seen as insults by the outfit's wearer.

And that's a more general thing but I had the artist throw a bit of my Hasemura redesign in there, where Kazutoshi's hair in chapter 3 and onward has his natural roots visibly showing, and Ken has longer hair.

At this point in the story, they aren't wearing those yet, but I still wanted to share them and show them off so I can revive this blog a bit •⩊•

[maelstrav]

IYDA Discord!

If you die again, let me love you first now has its own Discord server!

Want to join? Click here!

However! This is an 18+ server so if you are a minor, please wait until you are of age to join! ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ )

[totvoid]

[maelstrav]

My version of adult!Ken, commissioned by me (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶) ♡

[maelstrav]

it's you...the maelstermind

Indeed, it is I (•̀ᴗ•́ )

[maelstrav]

Omg look at us breaching containment

Why’d you put us all in a killing game :(

That wasn't even my idea and yet, I get blamed for it... I guess I somehow have something to do with it... (◞ ‸ ◟)

[maelstrav]

What if I push you down the stairs

Well then I guess that makes you the next victim :3

[maelstrav]

dinosaur

Peanut <3

[kyanikyami]

A fan art of @maelstrav fic- If you die again, let me love you first. Genuinely loved this scene, as it helped me get through a tough time when it released. Also using my redesigns- so yeah. I hope I also communicated how fucking tired they were in this scene.

[maelstrav]

hey you doing alright? the tetro situation is insane but I was just wondering if you’re still gonna write iyda

Hey there dear Anon!

I'm doing fine, thank you for wondering! Everything has been hectic this past week but, fear not, I am not discontinuing iyda! I actually posted a new chapter... 4 days ago, explaining this briefly! :)

I'll keep writing for iyda, this is such a big project that brings me so much happiness that, despite everything, I simply cannot abandon it. Tetro is still very much a hyperfixation, and for the sake of staying mentally healthy, I need to keep my head busy. I've actually been writing a lot more this past weeks because of the drama, lol.

I'm also in the process of "rewriting" Blue post chapter 2, because I refuse to accept canon as canon - though this rewrite will be more me making notes than me actually doing a full fic. I have dropped Blue entirely. I refuse to watch chapter 3 and onward, but I still had plans for my iyda survivors meeting the Blue survivors eventually... so I'll pick my own Blue survivors, just so I can keep writing some fun (and angst) stuff about these guys.

So yup. Still gonna write iyda, will still be part of the tetro fandom (mostly as a lurker though), and even after iyda I have plans for stories and stuff. I'm here to stay! :D

[nishianos]

[Promise]

“Ken, you have to promise me that you’re not going to kill anyone if something happens to me.”

“I want you to live, Ken. Even if I die, I need you to promise me you’ll live. For me. Please.“

Fanart of a scene from chapter 13 of “If you die again, let me love you first” by @maelstrav! Thank you so much for being such an inspiration to me!

Some extra art I did for this scene:

Sad Ken hours until he’s comforted by his boyfriend best friend :3

[nishianos]

[Never-ending Laughter]

I was right to believe in you.

Fanart of a scene in Chapter 11 of “If you die again, let me love you first” by @maelstrav on ao3! Thank you so much for writing this peak fic I think about it so often

Version without text and glitching effects below cut:

[hoard-of-the-draken-prince]

do you ever draw a shitpost that is so far removed from canon and so nonsensical without context that it circles back to being hysterical

me and my friends have been having a lot of fun since Tetrocord went down and this monstrosity is the end result. no I won't give context.

[maelstrav]

When you're taking a break from writing your angst-filled fic, and end up developing an AU that's so much worse you actually make yourself sick writing body horror. </3

Kenzaki my beloved! ♥ They deserve to be deranged together! :)

[maelstrav]

IYDA Discord!

If you die again, let me love you first now has its own Discord server!

Want to join? Click here!

However! This is an 18+ server so if you are a minor, please wait until you are of age to join! ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ )

[maelstrav]

Also sharing my post-[Voter Game] Tetro Blue tierlist + notes.

I'll probably post a new tier list when multiple characters move around, because I feel like some might change often while others will not.

Notes:

Still love Ikeda, not surprised he took multiple punishments, but definitely surprised he took that many. Stupid ratboy chose to create beef with Isoda during the wrong game... Now I'm just hoping his personality doesn't change too much. Also I'm pretty sure he'll survive chapter 1, because there's no way Tei and Hirose are going to leave him alone. I still think he might become a victim later on, hence the regrets.

Tei and Shishikura have morals! Great! That makes them cool! Also Shishikura confronting Maekawa about her votes? Loved him for it! Tei wanting to fight the others for what they did to Ikeda? Please do! (but don't kill anyone, please and thank you)

I still think Yokoi, Denden and Hirose are a bit boring, but they did grow on me for what they did/said during and after [Voter Game].

Still three characters that I don't care about. They're just not interesting to me. Or, in Akiba's case, I don't know what to think because he makes stupid decisions for stupid reasons (like not wanting to tie the votes) but he's also kinda nice? So I guess I'll wait and see what becomes of him.

Ninomiya being called a coward by Okazaki makes a lot of sense now. It's unfortunate because I think his relationship with Tsukigata is really cute, and they're definitely going to be one of the pairings I'm most invested in... But he needs to prove he can think by himself.

Yaitabashi definitely regrets telling his secret to Nishiguchi and Kumada. I feel like that's the only reason he voted the way did, because why would he side with the girls otherwise? So I'm hoping that once his secret is revealed to everyone, he'll find a new group of maybe less selfish people.

Kumada. Girl. I'm disappointed. Calling Yokoi a bitch because she voted for you once? Getting mad at Denden? Really? Her plan wasn't even that bad, but giving five punishments to the same guy and mocking him for begging after he asked to be killed? Yeah, no. I can understand wanting to make fewer enemies, but she should have switched her strategy the moment she saw people started getting mad at her for doing so... because she definitely has more than one enemy now. She's going to be an interesting character for sure, but I want to see how she deals with this situation before making up my mind about her. If she doubles down I'll probably dislike her, but if she shows regret then she'll go back up in rank.

Ouno is interesting because I still love her, and I get why she voted Ikeda repeatedly (she hates his guts)... but the fact that she showed zero regret during the game, and we haven't gotten an episode afterward with her in it where she explains herself, makes me on the fence. But I can appreciate the fact that she didn't try hiding behind Kumada's logic. She just hates Ikeda and I can understand that. I just need to see what happens next to know for sure if she can go back in the higher tiers.

Maekawa would have been in Ouno's and Kumada's tier if [Amaranth] hadn't existed... but given what she says in that episode, I cannot accept her behavior. She showed no regret, and she kept hiding behind excuses when she just voted for Ikeda because she hated him. She had her votes figured out before the game even started, but sure, let's call what happened to Ikeda a "sacrifice" made for the good of the group. That's the line that made me instantly dislike her. Honestly the only thing that'll make me like her again would be if she admitted that she voted for Ikeda because she hates him, and she'd rather put the blame on Kumada than admit she was wrong.

Didn't like Nishiguchi before, still don't like her. She strikes me as a character that's going to be extremely selfish... And I mean, she's right to be that in a killing game, but if she's going to be selfish, she can't go around justifying torturing a guy "for the good of the group". She hates Ikeda, she didn't try hiding it when the game was only just beginning, but she's not owning up to it and is pretending she was just following Kumada's plan. She wasn't. At least she seemed to be showing a tiny bit of regret during rounds 7 and 9? Especially 7, but if I had to guess that's because she was picked as the aggressor, and she hated the idea of having to hurt Ikeda herself.

Still don't like Ogura. Sure, she volunteered to take a slash to the stomach, and is showing she regrets voting for Ikeda... But she still voted for him every time he could be voted. At first I thought it was her "women are pure, men aren't" mentality that made her vote for Ikeda (because the alternative was voting for Kumada)... But then the last round happened, and she still voted Ikeda despite Tei volunteering. So I guess she just dislikes Ikeda too, but didn't feel like saying it. Anyway, I still don't like her persona sooo... yeah, she's staying at the bottom.

[maelstrav]

Sharing my pre-[Voter Game] Tetro Blue tierlist + notes under the cut.

There's no order in each category.

Notes:

Ikeda gives me Kokichi vibes. Little gremlin man who'll cause trouble and be annoying and be hated by everyone... Love the voice also!

Mostly curious if Okazaki's portrayal of Ninomiya is accurate, which is why he's got potential in my eyes.

Yaitabashi dealing with this bunch of people while blind will definitely be interesting. But he's kinda stupid also for sharing this information with the characters that are more likely to use it against him (except Hirose).

Love women with strong personalities, so definitely curious about Maekawa, Ouno and Kumada.

I did get used to Ouno's voice in the end.

A lot of characters I find uninteresting for now, but of course that's only the beginning, so hopefully they won't stay boring.

I don't like pizza-girl and nothing you can say about her will make me love her. I just have a feeling she's going to be awful.

Ogura is fine when she talks normally. When she doesn't, she makes my ears bleed. Gives me Tenko vibes with the all "women are good, men are trash" schtick, which I don't like. Unless she drops the act, I'm not liking her.

[maelstrav]

POV: Maekawa during [Amaranth]