survivor

Jane Doe ;; 27 ;; She/Her You are what should never be; yet what could be, what is, and what must be. You are the lie that speaks and unavoidable truth: that all things beautiful and divine are tragic.

[buriedbody]

He kicked the first-aid kit towards them, the tools rattling inside. Taking an unoccupied flask someone left in the barn, he poured its contents over one of the surgical tools and his own hands before wiping everything dry with the cleanest corner of his shirt. When he saw the bullet wound he hesitated. Walkers didn’t leave bullet wounds. He felt a flash of anger course through him, but he took a deep breath. But questions could come later. 

He used one of the cloths and drenched it in water from his container, carefully wiping away some of the dried blood. Silas managed to keep his hands from shaking, if only because it wasn’t the first time he removed a bullet by far.

[maestusjane-blog]

Only once before had a bullet aimed at her actually connected with her flesh, but the memory of removing it was far from pleasant. She wasn’t relishing the idea of repeating such an experience, especially since she was forced to put her well being in the hands of someone else, even someone she trusted as much as she was capable of. Just the thought was terrifying, but the reality of the pain was something else. It was in deep and Silas was no doctor, so she was almost grateful when her vision finally went black and she slipped into unconsciousness.

[kassixy-deactivated20200610]

Marie “ \_(ツ)_/¯” Avgeropoulos

[hunterbenn-blog]

“Maybe I was hoping you knew what it meant. What did you get caught in your eye then?”

[maestusjane-blog]

“I don’t know most things. ...dirt.”

[hunterbenn-blog]

“Me neither, it’s just something my grandma used to say - I assumed it was something bad. Seriously though, what’s up?”

[maestusjane-blog]

“Don’t say things you don’t understand. I said nothing. I’m fine. I wasn’t crying. Don’t tell.”

[hunterbenn-blog]

“Lying is for sinners.”

[maestusjane-blog]

“I don’t know what a sinner is.”

[maestusjane-blog]

“I… I’ve changed my mind about all this. This isn’t a good idea anymore.”

"It’s okay. It wasn’t that far from camp. If you think I’ll hurt you...I won’t. I promise.”

[maestusjane-blog]

“Sure looks like crying to me. What’s wrong? I won’t tell anybody.”

“Nothing. I’m not crying. I’m okay.”

[ofhotheads-blog]

UNDERTALE starters

“…But nobody came.”

“I… I’ve changed my mind about all this. This isn’t a good idea anymore.”

“YOU! You’re standing in the way of everybody’s hopes and dreams!”

“I don’t want to break their hearts all over again. It’s better if they never see me.”    

“Despite everything, it’s still you.”

“Ah, the cactus. Truly the most tsundere of plants.”

“Go ahead. Prepare however you want. But when you step forward… I will KILL you.”

“It’s me, [name].”

“Wow! We haven’t even had our first date and I’m in the friendzone!”

“It pains me to say this, but… you should probably never come back here.”

“Maybe looking at this nice lamp will help you.”

“There is nothing left for us here. Let us erase this pointless world, and move on to the next.”

“They thought that he had killed the child.”

“Quit looking at me with that stupid expression. You’re pissing me off.”

“We’re all counting on you, kid. Good luck.”

“Nice day today, huh? Birds are singing, flowers are blooming… Perfect weather for a game of catch.”

“You can certainly find better than an old man/woman like me.” 

“I do not know if this is pathetic or endearing.”

“Oh. My god. I didn’t expect you to show up so soon! I haven’t showered, I’m barely dressed, it’s all messy, and…”

“You’re way better at dating than I am.”

“Get dunked on!”

“This is the power that the humans feared.”

“They must be here, playing a joke on me. I’ll just wait until one of them admits it…”

“…You really like hot animals, don’t you?”

“It was nice to meet you. …Goodbye.”

“On days like this, kids like you should be burning in Hell.”

“Remember. DON’T kill anyone. …I can’t believe this is a REAL thing I have to remind you.”

“…Why are you still here? Are you trying to keep me company?”

“You should be smiling, too. Aren’t you excited? Aren’t you happy?” 

“Don’t worry, my little monarch, my plan isn’t regicide. This is SO much more interesting.”

“What makes you think you’re in control?”

“Never come back here. You are not welcome.”

“Why does someone as great as me have to do so much to get recognition?!”

“You made your choice long ago.”

“Don’t you realize that being nice just makes you get hurt?”

“So you finally made it. The end of your journey is at hand.”

“I didn’t cry! I just… caught something in my eye!”

“You know what would be more valuable to everyone? IF YOU WERE DEAD!”

“Look. [Name] didn’t come to the meeting today. Say what you want about him/her/them. H/She’s/They’re weird, naive, self-absorbed. But [name] has NEVER missed a meeting. And no matter what time you call him/her/them on the phone… Night, day, afternoon, morning… He/she/they ALWAYS answers within the first two rings.”

“Anything you want to do is important enough. Even something as small as reading a book, or taking a walk… Please take your time.“

“[Name] hated humanity. Why they did, they never talked about it. But they felt very strongly about that.”

“WELL? Are you CHERISHING?! CHERISH HARDER!”

“If you… If you think I’m gonna give up hope, you’re wrong. ‘Cause I’ve got my friends behind me.”

“Perhaps we can reach a compromise. You still have something that I want.”

“Always wondered why people never use their strongest attack first.”

“No matter the struggles or hardships you faced… you strived to do the right thing. You refused to hurt anyone.”

“This is why I never make promises.”

“ …Why? Why are you being… so nice to me? I can’t understand. I can’t understand! I just can’t understand… “

“Honestly, fighting you IS pretty fun… So even if you ARE a sicko, I’ll take it!”

“Maybe you’d be better… at not killing anyone? Crazy idea, huh? Let me know how that one goes.” 

“Did I ever tell you about the time [name] flirted with me?”

“STOP PETTING THE ENEMY!”

“Now, I understand acting in self-defense. You were thrown into those situations against your will.”

“You’d better watch yourself, kid. Things are lookin’ real bad for you.”

“Are you ready? If you are not, I understand. I’m not ready either…”

“Oh my God! Will you two just smooch already?”

“Don’t you get it? There’s no such thing as happy endings. This is all that’s left…!”

“The internet! I’m quite popular there!”

“Do you think even the worst person can change…? That everyone can be a good person if they just try?”

“Don’t worry about it. Most of us have tried to kill [name] at one time or another.”

“Wowie! You did it! You didn’t do a violence!”

“Not everything can be resolved by being nice.”

“Don’t kill, and don’t be killed, alright? That’s the best you can strive for.” 

“Oh no! You’re meeting all of my standards!”

“Anime is real, RIGHT?!”

“Maybe you’re wondering if I ever get tired of winning… Wanna see my answer?”

“Sorry, I do not have much to say. It was nice to hear your voice, though.”

“This is all just a bad dream… and you’re NEVER waking up!”

“Down here, it’s kill or be killed!”

“I can’t come back. I just can’t, OK?”

“I so badly want to say, ‘would you like a cup of tea?’ But… You know how it is.”

“Would you smooch a ghost?”

“The truth is… [Name] wasn’t really the greatest person.” 

“Well, if I were you, I would have thrown in the towel by now. But you didn’t get this far by giving up, did you?” 

“You’re not really human, are you? No. You’re empty inside. Just like me.”

“Are you bored? I should have given a book to you. My apologies. Why not use your imagination to divert yourself?”

“I’ll hold victory in front of you, just within your reach… and then tear it away just before you grasp it.”

“Come on! Step forward and let’s end this!”

“Don’t you get it? This is all just a GAME.”

“Are those two robots…?”

“If you have some sort of special power… isn’t it your responsibility to do the right thing?”

“Stop plaguing my life with incidental music!”

“Self-defense? Please. You didn’t kill them because you had to. You killed them because it was easy for you. Because it was fun for you. Do you think it was fun when I found out…? Do you think it’s fun when people’s family members never come home? Is that fun? No. “

“I wish I had eight legs… so I could wear FOUR pairs of hot pants!”

“The more you kill, the easier it becomes to distance yourself. The more you distance yourself, the less you will hurt. The more easily you can bring yourself to hurt others.”

“RUN. INTO. THE BULLETS.”

“I can’t go to Hell. I’m all out of vacation days.”

“They just sort of showed up one day and…asserted themselves. The town’s gotten a lot more interesting since then.”

“Our king is really bad at names.”

“If it weren’t for you, I would’ve never gotten past him. But now, with your help, he’s DEAD.”

“Then why’d you kill my brother/sister?”

“I’ve done everything this world has to offer. I’ve read every book. I’ve burned every book. I’ve won every game. I’ve lost every game. I’ve appeased everyone. I’ve killed everyone.”

“What did you do to him? …What did you DO to him?!”

“…I don’t have the heart to tell her what you did. Do you know how she’d react?”

“You didn’t even need my help, which is great, ‘cause I love doing absolutely nothing.”

“I’m smiling and I hate it!”

“Do you wanna have a bad time? ‘Cause if you take another step forward… you are REALLY not going to like what happens next.”

“If we’re really friends… you won’t come back.”

“Did you really think I was gonna be satisfied… killing you only ONE time?”

“I remember when I first woke up here, in the garden. I was so scared. I couldn’t feel my arms or my legs…”

“Even after all this time, you’re still the only one that understands me.”

“Why do I always get the freaks?”

“It’s possible that you may have a problem.”

“What a terrible creature, torturing such a poor, innocent youth…”

“I’m nineteen years old and I’ve already wasted my entire life.”

“If you’re so scared, why do you keep winking?”

“Don’t you have anything better to do?”

[maestusjane-blog]

[maestusjane-blog]

@serabarnes​

Though the bullet had been removed from her leg and her shoulder had been mostly slotted back into place, the pain from all her injuries was still excruciating. Not that she was going to admit that out loud. Even with Evan and Silas’ assurances that she wouldn’t be left behind, the fear of being useless was eating her alive. She couldn’t die now, not after all the years she had spent on her own, not after all the horrible things she had done to stay alive. At the very least, she was grateful that Ross had only led her into a trap filled with bandits, rather than the dead. 

Sitting down on a log, she unwrapped her leg and began to clean out the wound and the bandage that was being used on it. Though she was sure that there were enough bandages that she could get another, she didn’t want to use something that someone else might need worse than her. It was fine, anyway. She was used to making due with less than optimum materials. Once it was cleaned, she leaned back with a sharp hiss, letting it air out somewhat to speed the healing process up.

[purgatory-poetry]

Don’t forget to love her. The little girl you used to be. Perhaps She lies within you. Untucked. Sleeping peacefully.

“Nurture.” By Kiana Llanos [September 7th, 2013: 6:43PM] (via purgatory-poetry)

[evan-sterling-blog]

“I’ll help,” Evan bit out. For a moment she considered what she’d said and then realized that she felt no sympathy for Ross. That should have unnerved her and yet it didn’t. He’d burned her bridge of trust a long time ago and only cemented his fate when he attacked one of her friends. Evan could handle people coming at her–but you go after the ones she cared about (if only slightly) and there’d be hell to pay. From what she could figure, Ross knew that and had run. Either that or the group of Clickers had already gotten him. She almost preferred the latter.

Even though Evan understood the hesitation, that didn’t mean Jane’s reluctance to accept her help stung any less. She understood completely the distrust. Or maybe it was a need to prove herself. Either or, Evan took the reaction and stopped, pulling back and straightening. “I’m not going to hurt you,” she said, low and unthreatening. “We just… we need to move faster than I think you can walk. And I don’t want anything to go wrong where you hurt yourself more. Not… not that you’d do that I just don’t want you walking on your own if you don’t have to.” 

[maestusjane-blog]

Evan was a good person. Jane knew that. She had given her the map that was tucked away carefully in her bag and she had explained everything that she could right when Jane asked. She was honest and kind and she was good, but still Jane’s hands shook where she gripped her weapon. What if Evan decided that she was useless? If she leaned on the other woman, it could reveal just how unsteady she was and part of her feared that it could be her downfall.

Still, Evan had a point. She couldn’t move as fast as they needed and straining herself could result in even more pain. So, after a long moment of silence, she nodded, moving closer in a quiet way of accepting the other woman’s help.

[buriedbody]

They weren’t far from the barn. Silas moved slowly, making sure to stop or slow down whenever Jane showed any sign of distress. When they arrived, he led her to a wooden crate and let her sit down. “I’m going to find the first aid kit. Sit tight until I get back,” he said, although it didn’t look like Jane would be getting up any time soon.

[maestusjane-blog]

Jane took a slow breath in, dragging it between her teeth as she got off her feet for the first time since being attacked without fear of the event repeating. Though to say she was entirely without fear would be inaccurate, it was still better than when she was alone in the woods. As she waited for him, she untied the strip of fabric that she had wrapped around her leg, exposing the torn flesh and the spot where the hot metal had entered.

[buriedbody]

His words escaped in a rush of frustration and worry. “Jane, listen to me. You’re not useless. I won’t leave you. Just–just let me help you. Please.” Silas couldn’t see any of the specific injuries from underneath the clothes matted to her skin with blood, but he suspected that it was one of the clickers. It made him wonder if it was better to listen to her pleas to leave her as she was, but he was willing to give Jane the benefit of the doubt. “Let’s get to the barn first before we decide to do anything, okay? Put some of your weight on me.”

[maestusjane-blog]

She didn’t want to rely on anyone. However, just as when she had finally forced herself to join a group, part of her knew that she had to. With the pain in her leg from the bullet -- among other injuries she hadn’t had time to properly catalogue -- it would be difficult for her to make it back to the barn without his assistance. A long moment passed in silence, one that threatened to stretch into a minute as they stood there, but she finally gave a small nod and moved to lean on him. 

[evan-sterling-blog]

For a short moment Evan wasn’t sure she’d heard Jane correctly. There was no way that someone in the group would purposefully lead someone else into a raiders trap. But then the name sank in and Evan was sure as hell that it was the truth. Not that Jane had any reason to lie. Evan’s brain was just always trying to take the positive out of situations. Unless it was a situation that involved Ross.

“That son of a bitch,” she founder herself snarling, hands clenching white knuckled at her sides. “I knew he was an asshole.” The anger was still there, seething and bubbling in the pit of her stomach. Evan had never wanted to beat the shit out of someone so much in that moment–but she knew it wasn’t the time or the place. A distant click told her that much. “We’ll deal with him later.” She turned her attention back to Jane, offering a small smile as she tried to relax. “Right now we need to get you somewhere safe so we can figure out what to do. C’mon.” Taking a step forward, Evan dropped her shoulder slightly so that Jane could drape her arm across her own shoulder.

[maestusjane-blog]

"I hope they killed him. I will kill him myself if I see him.” She didn’t care how injured she was; if she was given a chance to seek retribution for being left to die, then she would. She would break his knees and leave him to the dead, leave him to slowly rot inside his own body. She would see him suffer for betraying her trust, but the fact remained that it was unlikely she would ever see him again. If he was smart, he already ran.

It was comforting to know that Evan seemed to angry about it as well. If the blonde believed Jane, then it was much less likely that her story would be ignored. Ross was a talented liar, but Jane had the benefit of being someone who never lied. Despite the comfort she found in Evan’s words, she still instinctively stepped back in response to the other woman’s movements. There was fear in her and it was clear in her expression. “I can walk. I’m...okay.”

[buriedbody]

“Being able to fight doesn’t always mean that you should,” Silas answered, studying their surroundings. There were no clickers at the moment, but that didn’t mean that they wouldn’t appear at any moment. “There are medical supplies at the barn.” Before she was able to protest, he continued. “Someone has to collect them. I doubt that we will be staying at this location any longer than we have to after what happened today.”

[maestusjane-blog]

"If I don’t fight, I’m useless. If I’m useless...you leave me behind. So I fight.” Jane managed to vocalize her fears, thought only to a small extent. The truth was deeper, a terror created by a heart that didn’t know what it was like to be valued. “I can help carry them. I won’t use them. Other people need them.”

[evan-sterling-blog]

Evan’s eyebrows furrowed as she took in Jane’s appearance–the blood and the jaw clenched and the sudden hesitation to trust her. She wouldn’t consider herself one of Jane’s friends (a term that was rarely used anymore) but she had thought that they were are better terms. Halting her attempts to help–Jane seemed to be weary of her–Evan tried to process the information and situation.

“You don’t look okay,” were the words that fumbled out of her mouth. “You look hurt.” A new, stronger feeling bubbled in the pit of her stomach and Evan’s eyes steeled, jaw clenching. “Jane, who did this to you?” The words were firm and hard and protective and distantly she knew that she’d give the person hell. The group was supposed to be surrounded by good people–they were supposed to be better than the raiders who’d killed her father. For the moment the clickers were forgotten, Evan’s new task set on finding the person who’d hurt her friend and making them answer for it. She took a step forward, eyes blazing. “Who?”

[maestusjane-blog]

Jane knew Evan was right. She looked like someone who would be abandoned, someone weak and worthless like a sick deer good only for feeding the wolves. But she wasn’t and she refused to be that. She had saved herself from the lion’s den and she wouldn’t...she couldn’t show weakness that would let her be lost to the wolves. 

For a long moment, the feral girl stood silent and still as she took in the sight of a type of anger she wasn’t familiar with. She knew the desire to fight, the burn of survival and the ache of simple rage, but she had never seen someone protective over another person, especially not over herself. She had thought she was simply not meant for that kind of care. Still, it was enough to cut through her fear and allow the words to slip out between cracked lips. “Ross. He said there were supplies. There were just bandits. He left me to die. I fought my way back.”