what would you do || self
In an effort to save Nik from being exiled, Hunter makes a terrible mistake that costs him everything, including his self worth.
So, everything was a mess. Everything that could go wrong had gone wrong, Hunter could literally see his life falling apart around him and he felt like he was dying. Nik was locked up on the other side of camp and it still hadn’t quite hit Hunter that he could’ve done something so reckless. Reckless and stupid. He kept asking himself: why? What need did Nik have to steal? They had everything they could possibly need, why wasn’t that enough for him? Hunter had already spun himself into a cycle of self-blame. He hadn’t been enough, he hadn’t worked hard enough to keep Nik happy and that was why he’d done this. Hunter couldn’t fathom any other reason.
He hadn’t left the house since Nik had been arrested and few had bothered to disturb him. He stayed in bed, waiting for night to turn into day and then for day to turn into night. Sometimes he started crying out of nowhere and Hunter rarely cried as it was. He was full of fear, there was no way this was going to end well and Hunter couldn’t bear to imagine where this would leave them. They could exile Nik if they saw reason enough, Hunter had seen it multiple times before and no one had reasons to make exceptions. What was Hunter meant to do? He could go with Nik. Leave behind this life and try and make a new one. When this first happened he already decided he wanted that, Hunter wasn’t Hunter unless he was with Nik but…how could he trust this wouldn’t happen again? They could find another camp, get different jobs and a new home; they could be happy again but could Hunter trust Nik to keep things that way? What would stop him from doing this again? Hunter wanted to believe that he could trust Nik again after this but there was a part of him so full of anger that it overshadowed the fear and the heartbreak entirely.
A knock on the door one evening startled Hunter. His only visitors had been their closest friends and neighbours, all offering Hunter their unflinching support regardless of what happens to Nik. He wanted to be alone, alone in this house with his thoughts and the ache in his chest. Despite this, he forced himself out of bed and padded to the door, opening it just a crack to see who was outside first. The biggest thing Hunter noticed was that he felt significantly more vulnerable without Nik’s company, like anything and everything was a potential threat.
The face that met Hunter on the other side of the door was Jack. Hunter didn’t like him that much, he’d been there longer than he and Nik had and he was older too. Jack seemed pleasant enough but the vibe he gave off wasn’t favourable, he tried too hard to befriend Hunter and that made him uncomfortable and he’d told Nik as much. Why he was here now, Hunter had no idea. He thought about just slamming the door in the man’s face and it must’ve shown because Jack shoved his foot in between the door and the frame so Hunter couldn’t.
“It’s late,” Hunter muttered, nodding as the darkening sky and hoping that would be enough to send the man away.
“I just wanna talk to you,” Jack said, his voice low and smooth in a way that made his kindness sound forced, “I’ve been worried. I only wanted to check up on you, can I come in?”
“I’m fine. Thanks for your concern, can I close my door now?” Hunter’s flat response was met with a heavy sigh. Maybe he was being rude but he didn’t care, Hunter didn’t want Jack here, he just wanted to go back to bed. “What do you want? Why are you here?” He asked, exasperated.
“They put me on the committee,” Jack sighed, raising his eyebrows at Hunter pointedly, “I want to talk about Nik.” Hunter hesitated, swallowing hard and scowling at Jack, searching for the lie in his face and not being able to find it. Reluctantly he opened the door, taking a step back and jerking his head as an invitation for Jack to come inside. Hunter turned again and the man was sat on his couch like he owned the place. “Sit down.” Hunter shook his head, staying standing with his arms wrapped around himself.
“What do you want to say about Nik?” Hunter asked abruptly. He wanted this to be over as soon as possible so he could get Jack out of his house. Jack looked him over for a long moment, studying Hunter and recognising how uncomfortable he was.
“Hunter, please come and sit down,” he repeated, nodding at the space next to him on the couch, “you’re tired. I don’t want to have this conversation like this.” Hunter faltered nervously, he looked between Jack and the couch before he decided to sit. This was his home, he wasn’t going to let Jack come in here and make him feel like it wasn’t, like he had a reason to be scared. “Thank you. I-“
“Jack,” Hunter cut him off quickly, staring him down coldly, “please just say what you have to say. I know you’re trying to be helpful but like you said, I’m tired.” There was brief, awkward silence before Jack cleared his throat and slightly changed his seating position so he was facing Hunter, who was leaning as far away from Jack as was physically possible.
“It’s not looking good for him. Stealing food is…it’s difficult to come to a decision when food is concerned,” Jack explained. “I…do you know why?” Jack asked, earning a frown from Hunter, “I can’t wrap my head around it. You two have everything you need here, why didn’t he just speak to one of the higher ups if there was a food issue?” It was a question Hunter had asked himself over a million times and he still didn’t have an answer. As soon as Jack had spoken, he felt that familiar lump forming in his throat and all he could do was shake his head in response as his eyes welled again.
“I don’t know,” Hunter whispered, his voice cracking. He wiped at his face shakily as tears started to spill over again. He didn’t even have the will to shake Jack off when he placed a hand on his shoulder.
“I’m sorry. I know it can’t be easy for you.” It wasn’t. It hadn’t been easy at all, in fact Hunter had never felt worse in his life. His family being murdered? Being kidnapped and forced into a group that abused him for 3 years? It didn’t compare, none of it compared to this. Nik had chosen to do this, chosen to betray the trust of Hunter, their friends and the entire community for what? Some food that they didn’t need. It was a kick in the teeth, to say the least. Hunter took a minute to calm down, forcing his emotions back down so it wouldn’t interrupt them again. He wanted nothing more than for this conversation to be over. Jack kept his hand on Hunter’s shoulder. “If you could have any outcome for Nik right now then what would it be? If it was all down to you, what would you want?”
The question surprised Hunter. This was the one thing he hadn’t thought about because it was impossible, what he wanted was irrelevant to what Nik deserved in the eyes of the community. He considered it momentarily, frowning in thought as he did so. “I’d have him come home,” he said hoarsely, “I know that…he’d have to face some consequence but I just want him to come home – to have a 2nd chance.” Hunter wouldn’t let this happen again, he couldn’t. If they did, by some miracle, give Nik a 2nd chance then they’d be stepping on egg shells for the rest of their days but at least they’d still be in the camp.
“I can make that happen.” Another silence fell between them. Hunter wondered if he’d heard him right, how could Jack possibly make that happen? This wasn’t the first time that someone had stolen provisions before and they’d all faced pretty dire consequences. Hunter gave him a questioning look, wanting an explanation before he got his hopes up. “I wasn’t completely honest with you before,” Jack admitted, “I’m not just on the committee, I’m the head of it. So I get the final say. I can make all of this go away, Hunter, but I need something from you.” There it was. Hunter knew it couldn’t all be this perfect, what did he have to do to secure Nik’s safety?
“I…what do you need from me?” Hunter asked. Jack looked at him for a long moment as if trying to communicate something. Whatever it was, Hunter wasn’t getting it. Then the hand on Hunter’s shoulder fell to his knee, resting there for a moment then creeping a little higher up his thigh. Hunter jerked away from Jack’s touch and stared at him, completely horrified. “No,” he snapped, standing up again and taking a large stride back and away from the couch.
“Just once. One night, Hunter.”
“Get out of my house.” This was unbelievable and Hunter thought himself an idiot for not seeing it sooner. What else could he possibly have to offer Jack other than his body? Jack was always looking at him, always watching him when he thought Hunter couldn’t see and always looking for damn excuses to talk to him. Hunter couldn’t do this, even if it saved Nik from potentially being exiled Hunter wouldn’t be able to live with it. Would he even tell Nik? What if he found out? What if Hunter did tell him and Nik left him because of it?
“I like you a lot,” Jack said, also standing, slowly, from the couch, “I want to help you, Hunter. You and Nik but I need something in return.”
“Then I’ll owe you a favour.”
“I want this as my favour.” He’d crossed the room to Hunter, standing in front of him with only a few inches of empty space between then that Hunter was valuing greatly. He didn’t remember doing it but Hunter had backed himself against a wall, staring defiantly at Jack.
“No,” he said, “I can’t do that. He’d never forgive me.”
“After what he did?” Jack exclaimed, giving Hunter a dumbfounded look. “You don’t owe him anything, Hunter. If he can’t forgive you for doing what you have to to save him then he isn’t worth it. You know I’m right.” Hunter didn’t want to admit it but…Jack had a point. What Nik had done was about as close to unforgivable as you could get nowadays and Hunter…he would just be going the extra mile to make sure he had a place in the camp. If he was in Nik’s place, he would forgive Hunter. “I like you,” Jack said, taking that final step forward so he was completely in Hunter’s space, “I like you so much.”
Hunter felt crowded and like he was being pushed down by Jack’s much taller frame. A hand found its way onto Hunter’s waist and another cupped the side of his face. He wanted to flinch away, shove Jack out the door and tell him to take his offer and shove it. But he couldn’t, if Hunter turned this down then what did that mean for Nik? He was angry with him; so, so angry with him but he couldn’t live with himself knowing he could’ve done something to save Nik.
“Let me help you. Help me help you,” Jack whispered against Hunter’s neck. His skin crawled as Jack pressed an open mouthed kiss to his neck but Hunter stayed completely still, half out of fear and half out of curiosity. If he made it absolutely clear that he did not want this, would Jack keep going? Hunter hoped not but that hope was dashed quickly as the man’s hand pushed under the back of Hunter’s shirt, inadvertently pulling him close. “I’ll make it all go away,” he whispered, “You can have it all back. Just once.” A shudder of disgust and discomfort racked through Hunter, even though he tried hard to suppress it.
“Just once?”
“Yeah,” Jack breathed. He knew Hunter was giving in. “Then everything goes back to normal – I promise.” Hunter hesitated for a second longer, blinking away the tears that clouded his vision. He sighed shakily, taking a deep breath as he took hold on Jack’s wrist and guided him back towards the bedroom. Hunter felt sick, he’d feel Jack on him for days but he had to try. He had to try for Nik.
“You liar!”
Hunter marched up to Jack and broke a bottle across the back of the man’s skull. He flinched but nothing more; a tiny trail of blood ran down the back of the man’s neck. “You’re a liar! You fucking psychopath, you promised me he’d get to stay!” Hunter was hysterical and had been since he got the verdict. Nik was gone, exiled forever and Hunter couldn’t do anything. That night with Jack haunted him, the knowledge that it’d benefit Nik had made it easier for Hunter to cope now he only had his shame – and no Nik.
Jack turned and grabbed hold on Hunter’s upper arms, shoving him so hard against a wall that it knocked the air out of Hunter’s lungs. “Do you want to join him?” Jack snarled in Hunter’s face, shaking him roughly. “You’re a whore. You’re a teasing little whore, aren’t you? If you wanted your precious boyfriend so bad then you would’ve gone with him.” Hunter didn’t have a response. Nik had asked Hunter to go with him, damn near begged him to and Hunter said no. He wanted to live and he couldn’t go back into the wilderness again, he refused to live in constant fear of what was out there. He’d done what he could, he needed to give himself a chance.
“You promised me he could come home,” Hunter ground out, trying to hardest to pull away from Jack’s hold.
“So what?” The man scoffed, “you shouldn’t trust so easy, Hunter. I didn’t even have to work that hard to convince you, did I? I bet you’d do it again if I told you to.” At that, Hunter managed to find the strength to shove Jack away from him, putting as much space between them as he could.
“Keep your hands off me,” he snarled at the man, “you’re going to regret this, I swear to God you’ll regret it.” Hunter meant it too, as soon as he figured out how, he was going to find a way to make Jack’s last breaths the most painful of his life. Hunter had never wanted to hurt someone so much, never wanted to actively kill before but he did now.
“Okay, Hunter,” Jack said, laughing humourlessly. “I’ll be sure to do that. In the meantime, you can regret getting fucked over – literally – for nothing. Go home you stupid boy.”
Jack was right. It was all Hunter could think about as he walked home. Was it home now? Without Nik it was…it was just a house, it was so empty and quiet without the other and Hunter didn’t know what to do with himself. He’d done this, he’d trusted somebody he shouldn’t have and he’d brought this outcome on the both of them. The future looked so bright and clear for them now there was nothing. Hunter knew that without Nik, he didn’t have a reason to want to be in that camp.
