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@maggiesmind
Reblog if you RP a character from Orphan Black.
Genderbents and OCs welcome.
Find your fandom here.
“Good,” Maggie nodded approvingly. She lapsed back into silence as the trio ambled back towards the village, Maggie’s now empty hand slipping into her pocket and fingering the cool key to her room, running the pad of her finger back and forth along the ridged metal, over and over.
They were so close. All she had to do was get into her lodgings, collect her bag, drop of the key and they were done. Finally leave this place, leave the prying eyes of the woman in whom’s house she was staying, away from the nuns, away from it all. The work of mere minutes once she was back in the village proper
When they reached a small fork in the road, Maggie tapped Helena’s on the shoulder and pointed down the left hand side. “You go that way with Tomas, now Helena, and I shall see you both soon.” She nodded to Tomas and took the right hand path, soon no longer able to see Helena’s wild hair over the crop in the field that grew between the paths. Then Tomas’ hat disappeared from view.
She was alone. That was a rarity now and she knew it was to become even more so now they had the girl.
They had the girl.
They actually had the girl. Safely away from prying eyes Maggie stuttered to a halt, bending over, suddenly feeling weak in the knees, trembling hands pressing to her thighs as the enormity of what they had achieved hit her. Letting her chin drop to her chest, Maggie squatted down and focused on her breathing, holding each breath for a three count before letting it shudder past her lips.
They had the girl.
Now, what in Lord’s name were they going to do with her? How were they going to utilise this incredible weapon? So long they had searched for even a scrap of information as to the lost clone’s whereabouts, so long they had focused on getting close to finding the girl, Maggie had rarely allowed herself the luxury of fantasizing about what would happen when they did find her. Oh, yes, the mission in general she was more than familiar with, but what of the day to day.? What was the girl allergic to? What did she eat? What time should Maggie send her to bed? did not the young need much sleep? What size shoe did she have? What would they do with her if she resisted? The Lord only knew how long their mission would continue; Maggie could be playing pseudo-mom for years and be expected to keep up the pretense equally so.
Pushing herself back upright, Maggie turned her face to the sun as she shook out the sensation of pins and needles in her feet. Without opening her eyes, she continued her way down the road, only tripping once over a pothole.
Was it her imagination or was the sun warmer now? Was the sun brighter now?
Now they had the girl.
She almost did not jump when Maggie tapped her shoulder. Almost. But maybe Maggie would not mind. “”See you soon.” Helena waved at Maggie and followed Tomas down the road into the village. He did not say anything when they reached his car. It was very big, and white. It had two doors on each side. Head tilted, she watched as he pulled open the second door on the right side of the car.
Inside the car was three seats, all joined together. Two more seats were near the front, with a space.between the seats. In front of the seat on the right, there was a big wheel. Where Tomas said, “”Get in, child,” she set Boris on the car’s floor and climbed inside. Tomas said, “”Stay in the car, child, and don’t touch anything. I’ll be back in just a minute,” and shut the door.
Helena peered into the car. There was a tiny room in the back, with a blue cloth on the floor. She walked to it and sat down. Part of the cloth was not on the floor. It was covering something and part of the something stuck out. Helena tipped her head. The something was black and long. It looked a little like the thing under the sink. One of the nuns called it a pipe. This pipe had a little shorter pipe on the end. Her fingers twitched and she clasped them together in her lap, because Tomas said don’t touch. What was it? It would be nice if the tarp would move more, so she could see more of it, but it did not.
“”Helena!” Tomas’s voice was loud, as if he was saying her name for the third or fourth or maybe fifth time.
“”Here, Tonmas.” She stood up and waved “”Did not hear you. Sorry.”
He sighed. Maybe he could tell she was not very sorry, because she had stayed in the car and also did not touch anything, like he said, and it was still hard to remember that Helena meant her, and she should listen for the word. “”Come and sit down, child. We need to get Maggie.”
She walked back to the three sewed together seats and sat down. Boris was laying under the seat on the floor. “”Tomas? What is back there?” Turning, she pointed to the little room at the back of the car.
“There are many things back there. Turn around now and sit still.”
When she did, Tomas pulled a strange piece of leather across her stomach. It was made of two pieces, one that started over her head, went over her left shoulder and down, stopping in a round piece of metal, with a hole in it, and the other that went across her waist. It ended in the same funny piece of metal as the first one did. The little round metal piece slid into a metal square, making a click sound.
She whimpered, shrinking back against the seat. Her heart went thump thump thump thump in her chest, so hard she could feel it. When she tried to breathe, a very big rock, that she could not see, but could feel, pressed on her chest. Helena pressed her hands over her ears and rocked, back hitting the seat. Maybe the rocking would make her stop feeling the little bed the nuns had put her on for the exorcism, make her stop feeling the leather straps on her wrists, her ankles, her stomach, her shoulders, make her stop seeing the priest’s face, and the nuns’ too, staring at her, every time she blinked.
Tomas was saying something, but she couldn’t hear it over her whimpering and the priest’s chanting, which somehow seemed to have moved from her head to inside the car. Only when Tomas grabbed her wrists, pulled her hands from her ears and said, “”Stop this nonsense, right now,” quiet, with his face very, very close to hers, did everything stop, and it was only the car, and the seat, and Tomas, and the strange leather straps. When she was still, he let go of her wrists. Said, “”Explain yourself, Helena.”
“”The car—” She snuffled, wiping her nose on her sleeve. “”The car was gone and I I was in room, pm little bed, and there were straps, I could not move.”
Tomas frowned. “You’re not making sense, child.”
She pointed to the straps. “”Made me think I was back in convent, during exorcism.”
Tomas nodded. “”I see. Things are different for you, and frightening. Maggie and I understand this.” He held up a hand. “”But you’re far too old to throw tantrums every time something upsets you. Look, you’ve frightened poor Boris with your foolishness.”
She looked where Tomas pointed. He was right. Boris was not on the floor by her feet. He was in the little room in the back, laying by the blue cloth. “I’M sorry,” she said to both of them, and meant it this time.
Tomas said, “”I forgive you, child. Shall we go and get Maggie now,” and Boris pressed his nose into her hand and lay down by her feet again.
She nodded. Said, “Yes, Tomas,” and pet Boris so she would not think about the exorcism anymore. Her face was still hot. Tomas was not angry, and Boris was not frightened. That was good. But—but it was not a tantrumm. She was frightened, not angry. Was it? Tomas said it was. And he said it was foolishness and nonsense also. Like Maggie said, that she had shamed herself, when she screamed and rocked. Screaming was bad—she knew this, even though sometimes she could not stop. Maybe rocking was bad, also. And whimpering. She had cried, this time. Maybe that was also bad.
Before she could ask, the car growled and started moving. Her questions dashed out of her head as she pressed her face to the window.. Oh! They were moving! This was wonderful! Better than the old motorbike the nuns kept in the barn. They did not know she knew about it, but sometimes she rode it through the fields at night, where nobody was. That was very nice, but this was better.
This was like bring in a little room, with very very comfortable chairs, only the room moved. Everything—streets, people, houses, moved by the window as she rode. Almost, she sighed when they had to stop. They had to get Maggie of course but—but—riding was wonderful. Stopping was not. Maybe there would be a long, long ride to their new home.
Heart still pounding with excitement and almost-fear as she took the steps two at a time; ave the girl, have the girl, have the girl, have the girl’ and she didn’t care about the old woman’s disapproval at her behaviour, didn’t care that she was unladylike, she didn’t care that no doubt she was disheveled and manic, she didn’t care that the woman was likely cursing a blue streak behind her.
She just didn’t care.
Her hands were trembling and it took her several attempts and the key scratching across the wood before she could unlock the door and into the room. She’d packed before they’d left; if the girl was not the clone, then there would be no need to stay longer, and if it were the girl they’d want to be on the road before too long, but she still needed to carefully take stock of the room, make sure she’d left nothing of hers behind, taking the opportunity to calm herself as she forced herself to slowly search through each drawer, though she’d never placed anything in them upon arrival, inside the tiny closet and under the bed. Maggie placed her suitcase on the bed and unzipped it, quickly transferring her travel papers from hidden beneath her clothes, to into her handbag, before removing a large thermos and placing it on the bed and then refastening and locking the case. From behind the door, she collected her heavy trenchcoat, sliding it on and smiling in satisfaction to find her hands steady as she did up the buttons.
Tomas and Helena would no doubt still be another few minutes, she had the time…
Collapsing onto the bed, Maggie smiled, shocked by her delighted reflection in the cracked mirror opposite. They had the girl, and better yet, she was malleable, she could be bent. Oh yes, she pushed back, yes, she tried, but she was overcome. She was still young, still impressionable. And that faith, that unerring faith was so convenient, an added boone. Maggie could almost kiss Amelia for giving the child to the Church. Might have well have gift-wrapped the child for their own purposes.
Her moments of kindness in the convent had clearly paid off, the girl warming to her extremely quickly, even sharing such secrets of her life that she was unknowing Maggie could use against her. Such naivete, such yearning for a friend, for someone to care for her. It would need to wait until Maggie and Tomas could speak without the girl, something they’d not have for many hours, but Maggie had already compiled a plan. How had she heard it put?
Ah yes.
Good cop, bad cop.
Maggie would present herself as the mother Helena had never known. The mother the little wretch didn’t really even have. A kind word here, a hot meal and a smile there, and slowly but surely they’d get their weapon bent to their will. Tomas could break her spirit, he was good like that, a blunt and heavy weapon, but he lacked the finesse, the elegance of a more insidious control, one that would keep her well in hand, only too happy to be pointed in a direction and fired.
Tomas could beat her pitiful behaviour out of her, and Maggie could instil the behaviours they wanted.
To that end, Maggie placed her handbag strap onto her shoulder, smoothing her hair out of the way, clasping the thermos under one arm and hefting her case in one hand. She left the room without looking back, and calmly took the stairs, meeting the house’s matron in the main hallway.
“Mrs Boiko, you will do me the favour of filling this with boiling water.” Maggie didn’t bother making it a request, and thrust the thermos into the woman’s hands with a smile. “And I shall get what I owe you.”
Not waiting for a reply, Maggie began to rifle through her bag for her purse, shifting her knives aside to grab it. She’d thought about killing her host. Several times in fact, over the last few days. Boiko was stupid, nosey and had the worst personal odour of any person, or beast, that Maggie had ever encountered. She was also rude and the worst cook Maggie had met since she’d been in student accommodation at university.
But it would draw too much attention. Maggie was likely the first asian to come through the village for some years, if not the first, and would be remembered. If Dyad were to come through here one day, they knew her, they knew her face. No it was too dangerous to give in to the urge to make the world a better place by removing Boiko.
Tempting though.
In relatively short order, the woman returned, bringing a new gust of her stench, and Maggie plucked the thermos from her grimy fingers, replacing it with a thick fold of notes, more than the room had been worth, but not enough that the woman would be likely to try and hug her, or worse, gabble to all and sundry about her. The gossip in the village was already likely rife with talk about her, no need to feed the mill.
Tucking the thermos into her purse, the top sticking out the zip, Maggie nodded, thanked the woman for her hospitality and span on her heel before the woman could respond, allowing the heavy front door to clang behind her just in time to hear the growl of the truck Tomas drove round the corner.
The girl had her face practically plastered to the window where she sat in the backseat, a huge smile on her face that dimmed only slightly as the truck slowed to a stop inches from Maggie’s feet. Rounding the hood, she opened the passenger door to drop her purse onto the seat and then carried on to pop the trunk and dump her case in the back, quickly placing it over Tomas’ rifle to camoflage it.
As she slid into her seat and buckled her belt, she quietly asked Tomas how the pair had faired after the group had split up, their conversation muted and in english.
“You are right; she is…damaged in her thinking. She made a most unholy noise when I first buckled her in but she went silent as I drove.”
“Perhaps she likes it.”
“She better had, we have a long journey ahead of us.”
Maggie knew he meant far more than the miles and miles of tarmac between them and home.
“Indeed.”
Changing to Ukranian, Maggie announced to the car at large that she had hot water for tea for later in their journey, and somewhere in her luggage she had some granola bars and snacks. She and Tomas would be trading off on driving in four hour streches so that they wouldn’t have to stop for more than gas to return to their secluded compound where training could begin.
“Helena, our time in the car will be long, would you like to play a game?” Maggie asked. A long journey needed games after all and if she treated the girl as a child rather than a weapon, perhaps it would serve them well. And Eye Spy was fairly easy to explain and understand.
She could even try to get Tomas to take part.
Helena glanced up, watching as Maggie put her little bag in the seat by Tomas, then opened the back and put her bigger bag back there. Her friend must have many things, if she needed two bags for them. She twisted her fingers together to keep from tapping on the window, to make the sitting still time go by faster. Move, move, move, move, move. She said the word to herself, inside her head. Hurry, Maggie, hurry, Maggie, hurry, Maggie.
Finally, Maggie was inside. Maggie wore the funny belts, too. Almost, she asked what they were called. But maybe asking would make her think about the exorcism again, so she did not. Later. She could ask later. Tomas and Maggie talked for a minute, in their other language, and thrn the car started moving again. She grinned, glancing at Maggir when her friend mentioned granola bars and snacks. Food was always nice—even if granola bars and snacks made no pictures in her head.
She tipped her head as Maggie said her name, and more new words. Making herself look away from the window, and toward Maggie, though all she saw was the back of her frirnds head, she asked, “Whqt is play a game, Maggie?” It sounded nice, whatever it was.
“A game is something we do for fun, to pass the time. Sometimes we do it to win. How about Eye Spy? We each take turns and we pick something we can see, either inside or outside the car and we then tell the others ‘I spy with my little eye, something beginning with’ and then say the first letter of the thing you see. the others then guess what you might be looking at by looking around and asking. So, if I were to say ‘I spy with my little eye, something beginning with T’, you and Tomas might guess,, tree or truck or Tomas or whatever else is visible that begins with T.and whoever is right wins and then it’s their turn’. If nobody guesses then the person who picked, picks again.”
Maggie twisted in her seat until she could look properly at Helena.
“There is no punishment if you are wrong or you do not guess. It’s just a game, just for fun. If you guess wrong, you guess wrong. Nothing bad will happen. And whoever gets the most items can pick the music for the next hour” Maggie gestured at the ancient, but functioning radio in the dashboard, though there was little out here to receive.
“DO you want to start, Helena? Pick something you can see, that we can see and say ‘I spy with my little eye, something beginning with-” Maggie raised her eyebrows expectantly, urging Helena to finish the sentence and start her training.
“Good,” Maggie nodded approvingly. She lapsed back into silence as the trio ambled back towards the village, Maggie’s now empty hand slipping into her pocket and fingering the cool key to her room, running the pad of her finger back and forth along the ridged metal, over and over.
They were so close. All she had to do was get into her lodgings, collect her bag, drop of the key and they were done. Finally leave this place, leave the prying eyes of the woman in whom’s house she was staying, away from the nuns, away from it all. The work of mere minutes once she was back in the village proper
When they reached a small fork in the road, Maggie tapped Helena’s on the shoulder and pointed down the left hand side. “You go that way with Tomas, now Helena, and I shall see you both soon.” She nodded to Tomas and took the right hand path, soon no longer able to see Helena’s wild hair over the crop in the field that grew between the paths. Then Tomas’ hat disappeared from view.
She was alone. That was a rarity now and she knew it was to become even more so now they had the girl.
They had the girl.
They actually had the girl. Safely away from prying eyes Maggie stuttered to a halt, bending over, suddenly feeling weak in the knees, trembling hands pressing to her thighs as the enormity of what they had achieved hit her. Letting her chin drop to her chest, Maggie squatted down and focused on her breathing, holding each breath for a three count before letting it shudder past her lips.
They had the girl.
Now, what in Lord’s name were they going to do with her? How were they going to utilise this incredible weapon? So long they had searched for even a scrap of information as to the lost clone’s whereabouts, so long they had focused on getting close to finding the girl, Maggie had rarely allowed herself the luxury of fantasizing about what would happen when they did find her. Oh, yes, the mission in general she was more than familiar with, but what of the day to day.? What was the girl allergic to? What did she eat? What time should Maggie send her to bed? did not the young need much sleep? What size shoe did she have? What would they do with her if she resisted? The Lord only knew how long their mission would continue; Maggie could be playing pseudo-mom for years and be expected to keep up the pretense equally so.
Pushing herself back upright, Maggie turned her face to the sun as she shook out the sensation of pins and needles in her feet. Without opening her eyes, she continued her way down the road, only tripping once over a pothole.
Was it her imagination or was the sun warmer now? Was the sun brighter now?
Now they had the girl.
She almost did not jump when Maggie tapped her shoulder. Almost. But maybe Maggie would not mind. “”See you soon.” Helena waved at Maggie and followed Tomas down the road into the village. He did not say anything when they reached his car. It was very big, and white. It had two doors on each side. Head tilted, she watched as he pulled open the second door on the right side of the car.
Inside the car was three seats, all joined together. Two more seats were near the front, with a space.between the seats. In front of the seat on the right, there was a big wheel. Where Tomas said, “”Get in, child,” she set Boris on the car’s floor and climbed inside. Tomas said, “”Stay in the car, child, and don’t touch anything. I’ll be back in just a minute,” and shut the door.
Helena peered into the car. There was a tiny room in the back, with a blue cloth on the floor. She walked to it and sat down. Part of the cloth was not on the floor. It was covering something and part of the something stuck out. Helena tipped her head. The something was black and long. It looked a little like the thing under the sink. One of the nuns called it a pipe. This pipe had a little shorter pipe on the end. Her fingers twitched and she clasped them together in her lap, because Tomas said don’t touch. What was it? It would be nice if the tarp would move more, so she could see more of it, but it did not.
“”Helena!” Tomas’s voice was loud, as if he was saying her name for the third or fourth or maybe fifth time.
“”Here, Tonmas.” She stood up and waved “”Did not hear you. Sorry.”
He sighed. Maybe he could tell she was not very sorry, because she had stayed in the car and also did not touch anything, like he said, and it was still hard to remember that Helena meant her, and she should listen for the word. “”Come and sit down, child. We need to get Maggie.”
She walked back to the three sewed together seats and sat down. Boris was laying under the seat on the floor. “”Tomas? What is back there?” Turning, she pointed to the little room at the back of the car.
“There are many things back there. Turn around now and sit still.”
When she did, Tomas pulled a strange piece of leather across her stomach. It was made of two pieces, one that started over her head, went over her left shoulder and down, stopping in a round piece of metal, with a hole in it, and the other that went across her waist. It ended in the same funny piece of metal as the first one did. The little round metal piece slid into a metal square, making a click sound.
She whimpered, shrinking back against the seat. Her heart went thump thump thump thump in her chest, so hard she could feel it. When she tried to breathe, a very big rock, that she could not see, but could feel, pressed on her chest. Helena pressed her hands over her ears and rocked, back hitting the seat. Maybe the rocking would make her stop feeling the little bed the nuns had put her on for the exorcism, make her stop feeling the leather straps on her wrists, her ankles, her stomach, her shoulders, make her stop seeing the priest’s face, and the nuns’ too, staring at her, every time she blinked.
Tomas was saying something, but she couldn’t hear it over her whimpering and the priest’s chanting, which somehow seemed to have moved from her head to inside the car. Only when Tomas grabbed her wrists, pulled her hands from her ears and said, “”Stop this nonsense, right now,” quiet, with his face very, very close to hers, did everything stop, and it was only the car, and the seat, and Tomas, and the strange leather straps. When she was still, he let go of her wrists. Said, “”Explain yourself, Helena.”
“”The car—” She snuffled, wiping her nose on her sleeve. “”The car was gone and I I was in room, pm little bed, and there were straps, I could not move.”
Tomas frowned. “You’re not making sense, child.”
She pointed to the straps. “”Made me think I was back in convent, during exorcism.”
Tomas nodded. “”I see. Things are different for you, and frightening. Maggie and I understand this.” He held up a hand. “”But you’re far too old to throw tantrums every time something upsets you. Look, you’ve frightened poor Boris with your foolishness.”
She looked where Tomas pointed. He was right. Boris was not on the floor by her feet. He was in the little room in the back, laying by the blue cloth. “I’M sorry,” she said to both of them, and meant it this time.
Tomas said, “”I forgive you, child. Shall we go and get Maggie now,” and Boris pressed his nose into her hand and lay down by her feet again.
She nodded. Said, “Yes, Tomas,” and pet Boris so she would not think about the exorcism anymore. Her face was still hot. Tomas was not angry, and Boris was not frightened. That was good. But—but it was not a tantrumm. She was frightened, not angry. Was it? Tomas said it was. And he said it was foolishness and nonsense also. Like Maggie said, that she had shamed herself, when she screamed and rocked. Screaming was bad—she knew this, even though sometimes she could not stop. Maybe rocking was bad, also. And whimpering. She had cried, this time. Maybe that was also bad.
Before she could ask, the car growled and started moving. Her questions dashed out of her head as she pressed her face to the window.. Oh! They were moving! This was wonderful! Better than the old motorbike the nuns kept in the barn. They did not know she knew about it, but sometimes she rode it through the fields at night, where nobody was. That was very nice, but this was better.
This was like bring in a little room, with very very comfortable chairs, only the room moved. Everything—streets, people, houses, moved by the window as she rode. Almost, she sighed when they had to stop. They had to get Maggie of course but—but—riding was wonderful. Stopping was not. Maybe there would be a long, long ride to their new home.
Heart still pounding with excitement and almost-fear as she took the steps two at a time; ave the girl, have the girl, have the girl, have the girl' and she didn't care about the old woman's disapproval at her behaviour, didn't care that she was unladylike, she didn't care that no doubt she was disheveled and manic, she didn't care that the woman was likely cursing a blue streak behind her.
She just didn't care.
Her hands were trembling and it took her several attempts and the key scratching across the wood before she could unlock the door and into the room. She'd packed before they'd left; if the girl was not the clone, then there would be no need to stay longer, and if it were the girl they'd want to be on the road before too long, but she still needed to carefully take stock of the room, make sure she'd left nothing of hers behind, taking the opportunity to calm herself as she forced herself to slowly search through each drawer, though she'd never placed anything in them upon arrival, inside the tiny closet and under the bed. Maggie placed her suitcase on the bed and unzipped it, quickly transferring her travel papers from hidden beneath her clothes, to into her handbag, before removing a large thermos and placing it on the bed and then refastening and locking the case. From behind the door, she collected her heavy trenchcoat, sliding it on and smiling in satisfaction to find her hands steady as she did up the buttons.
Tomas and Helena would no doubt still be another few minutes, she had the time...
Collapsing onto the bed, Maggie smiled, shocked by her delighted reflection in the cracked mirror opposite. They had the girl, and better yet, she was malleable, she could be bent. Oh yes, she pushed back, yes, she tried, but she was overcome. She was still young, still impressionable. And that faith, that unerring faith was so convenient, an added boone. Maggie could almost kiss Amelia for giving the child to the Church. Might have well have gift-wrapped the child for their own purposes.
Her moments of kindness in the convent had clearly paid off, the girl warming to her extremely quickly, even sharing such secrets of her life that she was unknowing Maggie could use against her. Such naivete, such yearning for a friend, for someone to care for her. It would need to wait until Maggie and Tomas could speak without the girl, something they'd not have for many hours, but Maggie had already compiled a plan. How had she heard it put?
Ah yes.
Good cop, bad cop.
Maggie would present herself as the mother Helena had never known. The mother the little wretch didn't really even have. A kind word here, a hot meal and a smile there, and slowly but surely they'd get their weapon bent to their will. Tomas could break her spirit, he was good like that, a blunt and heavy weapon, but he lacked the finesse, the elegance of a more insidious control, one that would keep her well in hand, only too happy to be pointed in a direction and fired.
Tomas could beat her pitiful behaviour out of her, and Maggie could instil the behaviours they wanted.
To that end, Maggie placed her handbag strap onto her shoulder, smoothing her hair out of the way, clasping the thermos under one arm and hefting her case in one hand. She left the room without looking back, and calmly took the stairs, meeting the house's matron in the main hallway.
“Mrs Boiko, you will do me the favour of filling this with boiling water.” Maggie didn't bother making it a request, and thrust the thermos into the woman's hands with a smile. “And I shall get what I owe you.”
Not waiting for a reply, Maggie began to rifle through her bag for her purse, shifting her knives aside to grab it. She'd thought about killing her host. Several times in fact, over the last few days. Boiko was stupid, nosey and had the worst personal odour of any person, or beast, that Maggie had ever encountered. She was also rude and the worst cook Maggie had met since she'd been in student accommodation at university.
But it would draw too much attention. Maggie was likely the first asian to come through the village for some years, if not the first, and would be remembered. If Dyad were to come through here one day, they knew her, they knew her face. No it was too dangerous to give in to the urge to make the world a better place by removing Boiko.
Tempting though.
In relatively short order, the woman returned, bringing a new gust of her stench, and Maggie plucked the thermos from her grimy fingers, replacing it with a thick fold of notes, more than the room had been worth, but not enough that the woman would be likely to try and hug her, or worse, gabble to all and sundry about her. The gossip in the village was already likely rife with talk about her, no need to feed the mill.
Tucking the thermos into her purse, the top sticking out the zip, Maggie nodded, thanked the woman for her hospitality and span on her heel before the woman could respond, allowing the heavy front door to clang behind her just in time to hear the growl of the truck Tomas drove round the corner.
The girl had her face practically plastered to the window where she sat in the backseat, a huge smile on her face that dimmed only slightly as the truck slowed to a stop inches from Maggie's feet. Rounding the hood, she opened the passenger door to drop her purse onto the seat and then carried on to pop the trunk and dump her case in the back, quickly placing it over Tomas' rifle to camoflage it.
As she slid into her seat and buckled her belt, she quietly asked Tomas how the pair had faired after the group had split up, their conversation muted and in english.
“You are right; she is...damaged in her thinking. She made a most unholy noise when I first buckled her in but she went silent as I drove.”
“Perhaps she likes it.”
“She better had, we have a long journey ahead of us.”
Maggie knew he meant far more than the miles and miles of tarmac between them and home.
“Indeed.”
Changing to Ukranian, Maggie announced to the car at large that she had hot water for tea for later in their journey, and somewhere in her luggage she had some granola bars and snacks. She and Tomas would be trading off on driving in four hour streches so that they wouldn't have to stop for more than gas to return to their secluded compound where training could begin.
“Helena, our time in the car will be long, would you like to play a game?” Maggie asked. A long journey needed games after all and if she treated the girl as a child rather than a weapon, perhaps it would serve them well. And Eye Spy was fairly easy to explain and understand.
She could even try to get Tomas to take part.
maggiesmind:
The girl’s voice was thin, reedy, but sounded sincere. She was blinking rapidly, eyes glassy as she fought not to cry in front of Maggie just as she must have done countless times before Olga. They’d train that tendency to tears out of her. They’d make her hard and unafraid.
Except of them.
Maggie narrowed her eyes, gaze travelling down to where one lip was being bitten between uneven teeth. God, had the girl ever been taught how to properly clean her teeth? Fantastic, another little job. She made a mental note to seek out a dentist. Best to ensure that there were no hidden cavities that’d cause trouble later. Good thing Maggie always traveled with a spare toothbrush, chances were that Helena didn’t have one of her own, or it was utterly unfit to the task.
Maggie believed the girl to be telling the truth, not perhaps the whole truth but nonetheless she wasn’t being false. She would indeed try hard to be good, to follow the rules. Both Tomas and Maggie liked rules. They liked the framework they provided for their sometimes fantastical lives. There were things that were done and things that were never done. Things that were eaten or not eaten. Behaviours that were done or not done. Helena would find these rules a comfort, Maggie thought. She suspected that Olga was the type of woman that stated rules out loud, but kept secret ones back for herself, so she could punish those around her for breaking rules they didn’t know about. Sadistic little witch.
Maggie let go of Helena chin and patted her shoulder before turning around and walking on again, slowly for a few steps. “Good,” she praised as she walked along, carefully avoiding the potholes that littered the track. “Then there shall be no problems. When we arrive at our new home, Tomas and I will go over the most important rules. But for the most part the one you must always follow is-”
“-you do as you are told,” Tomas interjected as they reached the road and they turned left towards the small village and Tomas and Maggie’s temporary abodes.
“When you are told to do it,” Maggie added with a nod, crowding Helena to the side as a beat-up, ancient car hurtled down the narrow road and around a corner, the stench of burned oil in it’s wake. Glancing over her shoulder she looked for any more and finding none, returned to her original place.
“Tomas, your car remains outside your lodging?”
Her friend nodded, moving almost silently as they walked along. When they entered the village, Maggie was going to leave the other pair to return to her rented room, collecting her things and making her way to Tomas’ and from there, they would begin the long journey back to their home.
“When we get close, I will go to collect my own things,” Maggie held up the case in one hand, passing it off easily to Tomas over Helena’s head. “You will continue on with Tomas to the car.” She wondered idly if Helena had travelled in a car before. At least, that she knew of. It was going to be rather amusing to watch her watch the world flying by; Tomas’ driving style was reckless to say the least and the man had a lead foot.
“Tell me what you are going to do when I leave to collect my own suitcase,” Maggie asked as they turned another corner, the village just coming into view across the fields.
Helena jumped when Maggie patted her shoulder but it did not hurt, so maybe it was supposed to be a nice pat. Maggie said good, said they would not have problems. Good. They would let her stay. She peered around as they walked. The fields were empty except for the wind that played with the wheat. There were many, many holes in the road, and she jumped over them as she walked between Maggie and Tomas. Maggie said when they got home, they would tell her the rules.
She tipped her head, glancing from Tomas to Maggie. Tomas talked when Maggie paused, and Maggie talked when Tomas paused. How did they do that? Maybe they new what the other one was thinking. Maybe they would teach her to do this, too. They both said she should do what she was told when she was told, that was most importsnt.
Before she could say, yes, to either or maybe both of them, Maggie stepped very close to her, and she scrambled off the road to keep from running into her friend. A big, old car came very, very fast down the road. She stared at the car. Whoever drove it, drove very, very, very fast. They would have hit Maggie if she had not moved. She growled at the driver. Sister Olga always said walking feet, but that would not make sense for a car. Cars did not walk. Cars rolled. “Slow rolling wheels! Almost hit Maggie!” The person could not hear her, but she did not care. It was bad to run into people—probably it was more bad to run into them with a car.
She watched as Maggie gave her bag to Tomas. Maggie said that she would leave them to get her things, and she would go with Tomas to the car. Maybe they would get Maggie from wherever her things were, or maybe Maggie would come to them. This would be nice, to ride in a car. Once or twice, she saw cars rolling down the road in front of the convent—and once when she’d snuck down to the village, she’d found a car with its doors unlocked and crawled inside it, but it did not do anything, so she’d crawled back out again.
Maggie asked what she would do when Maggie went to get her things. They turned left, and there was the village, getting closer. She looked up at her friend—earlier, Tomas said she was supposed to look at people when they talked to her, or when she talked to them, and maybe he would be happy she remembered, and was doing what he said. “I will do what Tomas says, when he says,” she replied.
“Good,” Maggie nodded approvingly. She lapsed back into silence as the trio ambled back towards the village, Maggie’s now empty hand slipping into her pocket and fingering the cool key to her room, running the pad of her finger back and forth along the ridged metal, over and over.
They were so close. All she had to do was get into her lodgings, collect her bag, drop of the key and they were done. Finally leave this place, leave the prying eyes of the woman in whom’s house she was staying, away from the nuns, away from it all. The work of mere minutes once she was back in the village proper
When they reached a small fork in the road, Maggie tapped Helena’s on the shoulder and pointed down the left hand side. “You go that way with Tomas, now Helena, and I shall see you both soon.” She nodded to Tomas and took the right hand path, soon no longer able to see Helena’s wild hair over the crop in the field that grew between the paths. Then Tomas’ hat disappeared from view.
She was alone. That was a rarity now and she knew it was to become even more so now they had the girl.
They had the girl.
They actually had the girl. Safely away from prying eyes Maggie stuttered to a halt, bending over, suddenly feeling weak in the knees, trembling hands pressing to her thighs as the enormity of what they had achieved hit her. Letting her chin drop to her chest, Maggie squatted down and focused on her breathing, holding each breath for a three count before letting it shudder past her lips.
They had the girl.
Now, what in Lord’s name were they going to do with her? How were they going to utilise this incredible weapon? So long they had searched for even a scrap of information as to the lost clone’s whereabouts, so long they had focused on getting close to finding the girl, Maggie had rarely allowed herself the luxury of fantasizing about what would happen when they did find her. Oh, yes, the mission in general she was more than familiar with, but what of the day to day.? What was the girl allergic to? What did she eat? What time should Maggie send her to bed? did not the young need much sleep? What size shoe did she have? What would they do with her if she resisted? The Lord only knew how long their mission would continue; Maggie could be playing pseudo-mom for years and be expected to keep up the pretense equally so.
Pushing herself back upright, Maggie turned her face to the sun as she shook out the sensation of pins and needles in her feet. Without opening her eyes, she continued her way down the road, only tripping once over a pothole.
Was it her imagination or was the sun warmer now? Was the sun brighter now?
Now they had the girl.
Maggie could understand that. Many times herself she had attempted to learn of how another truly felt of her, how another rated her work by covertly listening in. But that was her job.
Well, it was now anyway. Glancing at Tomas she remembered their first meeting. She’d overheard him arguing with another of their order, his low voice rough as he calmly, but firmly reeled off her ‘failings’, how he needed no partner, that ‘this woman’ was no match for him, would only slow him down. He had been disgusted by how she had originally entered their order, unconvinced that she had truly found the Light and that her faith was genuine. He wasn’t the only one she had encountered, but he was the first with which she was to be partnered. Maggie felt utterly unashamed about how she’d had crept down the hallways of their meeting house and slowed her breathing, leaning silent against a wall as she listened to Tomas lay out his argument.
She had practice of course, as she’d crept around the Prolethean quarters, asking questions, listening in. Spying. She’d been good, very good. They’d never caught her. Not once. It was she who had turned herself into them. When she had spilled forth her mission and provided them with everything she knew about the Dyad Institute’s work as proof of her new loyalty.
But that was different. She was in control here. She was the one giving the orders and Helena was to follow them or face the consequences. Oh, certainly, her little skill would be useful and they would further hone it to make her utterly indetectable, but against them? Against she and Tomas?
Unthinkable.
Inexcusable.
Staring straight ahead, Maggie let her voice harden, as she shook her head.
“That is an excuse. Not a reason. I understand that you did not wish to show a weakness to that woman, did not wish for her to see you crushed.” She tighted her hand on the handle of the case, the old leather creaking in protest.
“However, I told you that we were taking you. I told you that we were going to leave that wretched place. I told you that we wouldn’t leave you behind once you showed you could follow my requests. But then, when you got confirmation of what you wanted, as soon as you knew we would not leave without you, what did you do? Hmmm? Oh yes,” Maggie glanced at Tomas, “you disobeyed what I asked of you. You instantly decided to do what you wanted and not what was expected of you. Have you so short a memory that you forgot my directive?”
Glancing around their small group, Maggie quickly determined they were not visible from the road yet and nobody was working in the fields. Good, they would not be seen. Lengthening her stride, Maggie allowed herself to step a few feet in front of the other two, turning around to face the girl and stopping dead in her path. She reached out and cupped the small chin, jerking her head up harshly so Helena met her eye.
“And this is the last time you shall ever do such a thing. Do you understand, Little One? If you disobey me, or Tomas again, you will long for the days you spent alone with your rats in the cellar. You will cry out for the punishments that Olga could concoct for you. Tomas and me? We are inventive. We can be cruel if necessary. We will not punish for no reason, we will always tell you what you did wrong, and the punishment will always fit the act for which you are being chastised. You will have firm and absolute rules to follow. But if you do break those rules, make no mistake; punishment will be swift.”
“Will it be necessary for us to be cruel, Helena?”
Helena watched Maggie as she talked, squeezing the handle on the little bag. Maybe her new friend wanted to squeeze her neck, like the sisters did when they killed the chickens. She hunched her shoulders at the thought. Her fingers tangled in Boris’s fur as she stared at the ground, listening to Maggie. Her friend said it was not a reason, but an excuse. She should have believed Maggie—her friend did not say this, but what she said was almost the same. She said she told Helena she was coming with them, once she showed she could do what she wa told. Maggie she’d done what she wanted, as soon as she got what she wanted, rather than obeying what Maggie said. Her friend asked if her memory was that short, that she forgot.
Helena chewed her lip. Was she supposed to answer? Did Maggie want her to say yes, she forgot—which was not true, and maybe they would think she was stupid, and leave her—or no, she did not forget—which was true, but saying it would make her sound very bad, as if she did not care what Maggie said. She did care—she did, she did, she did—but Tomas looked so pale, when she told him about the rats. If he had said no she could not come, would Maggie have said yes anyway? But maybe that was another excuse, not a reason, so she did not say but Tomas did not look well, I thought he would say no and he is priest, you cannot say yes when a priest says no, even though the words bounced around inside her head. “No. Did not forget. Was bad. I’m sorry.” She said the eords very, very quiet, mostly to her feet and Botis’s fur. Maybe, if she wasn’t supposed to answer, Maggie would not hear, would not think she was being bad again on purpose.
Yelping as Maggie grabbed her chin, lifted her head, she made herself stand still. Made herself look at Maggie’s face, at her eye, while her friend tlked. Maggie sad this was the last time she could do what she did. Adked if she underetood, then kept talking, without letting Helena say yes. Maggie said if she fisobeyed her or Tomas again, she would want to be back in the cellar with the rats, that she would want the punishments Sister Olga gave her.
That made no sense. Nothing was worse than the sister’s punishments.
The strap hurt, and left marks that hurt, sometimes long after the sister stopped hitting her.
Scrubbing carrots and potatoes for the stew she could not eat because she wasn’t to have any supper always made her stomach growl, and hurt.
When she tried to eat some of the vegetsbles she cleaned, Sister Olga smacked her hands with her ruler.
Washing clothes in the big laundry made her hands sting and ache, made her so hot the room spun.
And nothing—nothing nothhing nothing—was worse than the cellar, than being in the dark, with the rats.
There was nothing worse than what Sister Olga could do.
Was there?
Maggie said they could be inventive—cruel—her and Tomas. Maybe—maybe they would know of worse things to do. Her stomach hurt at the thought, and she had to bite her lip, hard, hard, hard, to keep looking at Maggie’s eyes. Probably looking away would be bad.
Maggie said she would not be punished for no reason. Said they would tell her what she did wrong. Said her punishment would fit whatever bad thing she’d done. Maggie said there would be rules. That was nice. Rules were good. Rules were nice. Rules made sens. They were little lists in her head, and when she followed them, she was not punished. That is what Sister Olga said, but Sister Olga did not tell the truth, because Sister Olga did not always tell her the rules—she said you are not stupid, you should know how to behave, and sometimes she changed the rules, and what was allowed sometimes was not, and what was not allowed sometimes was, and thinking about it made her head hurt.
But maybe Maggie and Tomas would be different.
Maggie asked if she and Tomas needed to be cruel.
"No." Helena wanted to shake her head, but Maggie still held her chin, so dhe kept still. "No. Do not need to. No, no, no. I will be good. I promise. I will do what you say." She added, louder now, because maybe now it was alright to say it, "I was bad. I’m sorry." Would they punish her, as Maggie said they would when she fisobeyed? Would she find out what punishments would make her wish she was with Olga? She bit her lip agsin to keep from whimpering. Maybe saying sorry was enough. Maybe, maybe, maybe.
The girl's voice was thin, reedy, but sounded sincere. She was blinking rapidly, eyes glassy as she fought not to cry in front of Maggie just as she must have done countless times before Olga. They'd train that tendency to tears out of her. They'd make her hard and unafraid.
Except of them.
Maggie narrowed her eyes, gaze travelling down to where one lip was being bitten between uneven teeth. God, had the girl ever been taught how to properly clean her teeth? Fantastic, another little job. She made a mental note to seek out a dentist. Best to ensure that there were no hidden cavities that'd cause trouble later. Good thing Maggie always traveled with a spare toothbrush, chances were that Helena didn't have one of her own, or it was utterly unfit to the task.
Maggie believed the girl to be telling the truth, not perhaps the whole truth but nonetheless she wasn't being false. She would indeed try hard to be good, to follow the rules. Both Tomas and Maggie liked rules. They liked the framework they provided for their sometimes fantastical lives. There were things that were done and things that were never done. Things that were eaten or not eaten. Behaviours that were done or not done. Helena would find these rules a comfort, Maggie thought. She suspected that Olga was the type of woman that stated rules out loud, but kept secret ones back for herself, so she could punish those around her for breaking rules they didn't know about. Sadistic little witch.
Maggie let go of Helena chin and patted her shoulder before turning around and walking on again, slowly for a few steps. “Good,” she praised as she walked along, carefully avoiding the potholes that littered the track. “Then there shall be no problems. When we arrive at our new home, Tomas and I will go over the most important rules. But for the most part the one you must always follow is-”
“-you do as you are told,” Tomas interjected as they reached the road and they turned left towards the small village and Tomas and Maggie's temporary abodes.
“When you are told to do it,” Maggie added with a nod, crowding Helena to the side as a beat-up, ancient car hurtled down the narrow road and around a corner, the stench of burned oil in it's wake. Glancing over her shoulder she looked for any more and finding none, returned to her original place.
“Tomas, your car remains outside your lodging?”
Her friend nodded, moving almost silently as they walked along. When they entered the village, Maggie was going to leave the other pair to return to her rented room, collecting her things and making her way to Tomas' and from there, they would begin the long journey back to their home.
“When we get close, I will go to collect my own things,” Maggie held up the case in one hand, passing it off easily to Tomas over Helena's head. “You will continue on with Tomas to the car.” She wondered idly if Helena had travelled in a car before. At least, that she knew of. It was going to be rather amusing to watch her watch the world flying by; Tomas' driving style was reckless to say the least and the man had a lead foot.
“Tell me what you are going to do when I leave to collect my own suitcase,” Maggie asked as they turned another corner, the village just coming into view across the fields.
Maggie let the girl wrap her little hand around Maggie’s own, used the hold to tug the girl to her feet, using her free hand to pat the dirt and dust from first her own clothing, and then the girl’s, Maggie’s actions futile as the dirt smeared across their garments, ground into the weave at the knees of MAggie’s trousers and caked across her hands, thick beneath her fingernails.
"We do have to tell Tomas," she said as she collected up the strewn socks and shoes, dropped in Helena’s panic,. Tomas will need to know how you behave so he can best support you in your life, best support you to devote your behaviour, your every act to The Lord. Just as there can no secrets between you and our Lord, there can be no secrets between family. I will be with you, but Helena, you must speak with him, or I shall."
Walking back to the stairs, she motioned for Helena to sit upon the bottom rung; it wasn’t like the grubby planking could make her dress any more filthy.
"Now, put on your shoes and socks and let us leave this place. We must speak with Tomas, see what we can do about Boris." She watched as Helena tugged on her socks and shoes mullishly,
"There will be questions when we go back upstairs, questions as to why we are so dirty, why we have been so long. I shall answer any questions of that nature. You are to go straight to Tomas. I shall speak with Olga."
She held out her hand once more to pull Helena to her feet and gestured to the door, still holding the trembling gir’s hand.
"Come, we must collect your things."
Helena flinched as Maggie patted her. But it did not hurt. It did not make the dirt go away either. It almost made it worse. They were both now filthy. And it was her fault. And Maggie said she had to tell Tomas. Or Maggie would. Said they would ask about Boris. She walked over to the steps and sat down when Maggie said. This was not nice. She got them both dirty. And she had to tell Tomas about the rats. About Mousey. It was not nice. Not nice. Not nice. Maybe he would not want to take her with them now.
Sighing, she pulled on her socks. Her shoes. She did not like her socks. Did not. Did not. Did not. They scratched her feet. She did not like her shoes. Did not. Did not. Did not. They pinched her toes. When they got home—if Tomas still would take her, after she told him—she would take her socks and shoes off and hide them somewhere. Maybe she would bury them somewhere. Then sne ould never never never have to wear them ever ever ever again.
Maggie said they would ask why they were filthy. Why they were down there so long. Mggie said she would talk to Olga. Mggie aaid Helena would go straight to Tomas. Mggie said they had to gather her things. But Maggie had gathered her things before. While she was in her room. But she did not have them now. Maybe she left them upstairs helena took Maggie’s hand and followed her out of the cellar.
She went back inside the convent with Maggie and walked over to Tomas. ”Need to talk to you.” Olga asked why she was so dirty, asked what she did to Maggie, but Helena did not answer her. Maggie would tell her. “Maggie said.”
Tomas nodded and she followed him to another corner of the room.
"Maggie asked about rats in cellar and—"
Tomas reached for her and she shrnk back, whimpering. “Sssh, ssh ssh.” He stroked her hair. “Easy child. I’m not going to hurt you.” Cupping her chin, he lifted her head. “You need to look at me, at Maggie, at other people, when you talk to them, or they talk to you. Do you understand, Helena?”
When she nodded, said, “Yes, Tomas,” and kept looking at him, even when he let go of her chin, he patted her head, said, “Good girl,” said, “Continue, child.”
Looking at him, like he said to, she told him about the rats. About catching them. Eating them. “But only sometimes. Because I was hungry and is suicide to starve if is food.” She told him about talking to the rats after they died. About finding—but not eating, not not not not not not not eating not eating not eating—mouse baby. Dead. About burying him. Digging him up later. About no more mouse baby. Only bones. About putting mouse baby in her pocket. About mouse baby is—was—her friend. About Maggie saying bury mouse baby. About Maggie saying carrying mouse baby was bad because is dirty. About forgetting mouse baby is dead, can’t see, can’t feel, can’t taste, what she feels, hears, tastes, when she holds—held—him.
Tomas looked very, very pale. Like one of the sisters dod, when she found the sead rat in her drawer. Helena left it because the sister told Sister Olga that Helena took the sister’s blue ribbon her family sent to her, and Sister Olga smacked her hands with the ruler. The sister turned very very pale and fell on the floor. Sister Olga said she fainted. Maybe Tomas would fall on the floor, too. “Tomas? You are alright?”
He swallowed, one, two, three times. Nodded. Said, “Yes, child. Continue.”
Helena nodded, too, said, “Yes, Tomas,” and told aboyt not wanting to put mouse baby in the ground. About it being alright, because mouse baby is not there to know is in hole in the ground, in the dark, by himself. She told about the fit she threw—about screaming and rocking, and hitting her hands on the wall—how it wasn’t really a fit because she did it so Maggie would see she was sorry. About Maggie screaming too.
About Maggie saying she shamed herself when she screamed. About Maggie saying she could not behave that way with them. About Maggie saying tell Tomas. About Maggie saying she would talk to Olga. But not about Maggie saying mybe get a doll, because maybe Tomas would say no, now that he knew she was bad. ”Can—can still come? I’m sorry I was bad.” She’d said sorry to Maggie too, but Maggie had not said it is alright. Maybe Tomas would say it.
But Tomas said, “I’m glad you’re sorry, child. And Maggie is certainly right. You won’t be allowed to act like that. Yes, you can come with us, but that sort of behavior won’t be tolerated. Do you understand?” When she nodded, said, “Yes, Tomas,”—maybe he would make her come back if she was bad—he smiled. Patted her cheek. She flinched, but it did not hurt. He said, “Good girl.” Said, “Take Boris and wait in your room, child. I need to speak with Maggie for a moment.”
Helena nodded. Scooped Boris up and walked down the hall into her room. Her things were not there. Maybe Maggie hsd them somewhere else. She sat down on the floor, and pet the dog. ”We have family, now, Boris. Family, family, family.”
THe girl was reluctant, again, but at least she didn’t grumble too much. Perhaps more than Tomas would endure in their future together, but not so much that Maggie could be further bothered to chivvy the child along, waiting somewhat patiently as she readied herself and finally took to climbing the stairs.
Maggie blinked rapidly against the brightness of outside, grimacing against the light after the murky depths of the cellar but not letting her stride falter as she followed the path back to the main building, welcoming the darker hallway and hanging back as Helena strode up to Tomas and Olga, interrupting their conversation. The jut of her jaw and the tense line of her shoulders, combined with her clenched fists all betrayed her fear but from what Maggie could hear, she didn’t let it creep into her voice, no doubt trained over the years in ensuring Olga couldn’t detect any of the fear the girl held. Tomas glanced over Helena’s head nad Maggie nodded to him, smirking as Tomas moved away to another corner of the room. She kept her eyes on the strange pair as she moved over to Olga.
"The little devil will never learn manners." Olga sniffed, one hand clenched around the rosary that hung from her belt.
"The little devil is doing exactly what I told her to do." Maggie didn’t bother looking over at the woman; it was far more entertaining watching Tomas’ increasingly horrified expression. Sure, to anyone that hadn’t spent months with the man, his expression might appear subdued, almost blank, but to Maggie, his face was a delight of horror and revulsion. After what Maggie had just endured in the cellar, she thought it only fair that she have a little fun at her partner’s expense.
"Then you are-"
Maggie cut off Olga at the pass, unwillingly to listen to her.
"We want the dog."
"I beg your pardon?"
"The dog. Boris. We want him." The dog in question took that moment to wander into the room, ears pricked as though he knew he was being spoken off and he made a beeline to MAggie’s feet, rubbing against her leg and shedding upon her already ruined trousers.
"He is mine."
"We take the dog with us, or we leave the girl." Maggie ducked down and wrapped her hands around the dogs middle, supporting his hind legs as she picked him up and cradled him to her chest, shushing his squirming before he went still and let her scratch behind his ears.
"You would not."
"Try me, Sister."
"My nephew has informed me about the little brat. You would not leave such a commodity behind."
"I said we would leave her. Not that we would leave. She could live here and we train her in the grounds. Yes, perhaps that would be best. Too much change is not good for the young." Olga’s expression matched Tomas as she mulled over her choices.
"For my dog, I want-"
"Did you not take a vow of poverty,Sister? You couldn’t possibly be asking me for money? Or material possessions?" In her arms, Boris whined, so Maggie placed him back on the floor where he sat at her feet. Maggie smiled, pleased. Much like Helena, the dog seemed to recognise a new world order. No matter what Olga wanted, Boris would come with them. He’d follow if they left without him, of that Maggie was sure.
Across the room, Helena seemed to be finishing up with Tomas, her friend’s face pale and Maggie nudged Boris’ hindquarters. “Go to Helena now,” she instructed, pointing over to the girl and smirking at Olga when the dog obeyed, uncaring that the Sister couldn’t see. Pride was a sin, but sometimes resisting was too much for one person.
"I’m glad we understand each other. I must speak with Tomas now Sister. We shall come find you when we are done." Maggie didn’t wait to see if her dismissal was heeded and instead strode across teh room to where Tomas was leaning against the wall.
Helena pet Boris more. Hummed to herself. What was taking them so long? What did Tomas want to talk to Maggie about? She cuddled Boris tighter. He wss coming with them. Maggie said. They would be a family. Her and Boris and Maggie and Tomas. They would be friends. Friends, friends, friends. Forever, forever, forever.
She glanced at the loose stone in the wall. Maybe she should go see. Maggie said she would have to leave her behavior here. Maybe that meant she should not do this anymore, even here. But maybe one more time, before she left, would be alright. Because maybe they would think she should not come now. And if they did—she wanted to know. So she did not find out first from Olga. So she would not sniffle, would not have wet eyes, when the nun told her they changed their minds, and did not want her now.
Why else would Tomas want to talk to Maggie with her in her room?
She scooped up Boris. Shoved the stone asode. Crawled into the wall. It was very dark. Boris whimpered. She set him on the floo in her bedroom. Boris did not know how to be quiet in the wall. He would tell the others she was there. “Bye bye Boris. Back soon.”
Crawling through the wall, she went back to the main room. Found a spot behind Maggie and Tomas. Drawing her knees up to her chest, she sat in one of the little holowed out spots in the wall. Ear pressed to the wall, she listened.
They were not speaking Ukrainian.
It was something else. Some other language.
Biting her lip to keep from growling, she turned and crawled back to her room. Shoving open the loose stone, she crawled out. Put it back. Grabbed Boris and held him. “We go with them, Boris. We go with them, we go with them, we go with them.” Maybe if ahe said it enough, she would believe it also.
As Maggie approached Tomas she could see how pale he was, how he was convulsively swallowing and his hands were clenched into fists, one thumb unconsciously twisting the heavy gold ring he wore, the fish flashing in the low light with every revolution.
As she approached, his eyes flicked up to her and as soon as she was within hearing range he spoke, asking her about her conversation with Olga but Maggie immediately shushed him and shook her head.
"English, Tomas. The walls have ears." Maggie jerked her head towards the door Helena had left via. She knew the girl would recall their earlier talk but she didn’t believe for a moment that the girl wouldn’t risk one last trip through the walls. Oh, the girl might call it a goodbye or just ‘one last time’ but Maggie knew what she was after; she wanted a chance to spy on her new guardians.
But the little spy didn’t speak english.
"What were you two talking over?"
"We’re taking the dog. It’ll keep her calmer and give her something to care for and cling to that is familiar. And gives us leverage. We can use threats to remove the dog if she doesn’t behave, at least until we have introduced…other means of ensuring her behaviour is what we wish."
Tomas mulled that over, eyes drifting over to where Maggie knew Olga was still standing, no doubt fuming but unable to do a damned thing about it.
"And the girl?"
"Well, you saw for yourself, didn’t you?" Maggie smirked. "She is unstable. Unhinged. But it will work for us. But we have to watch her Tomas. She is smart. Secretive. She could be dangerous. We must ensure we have complete power over her."
"We shall."
"And how do you plan to do that?" Maggie didn’t mean to make herself sound so childish but Tomas had spent a mere handful of minutes with the girl, while she had spent hours and seen for herself some of the behaviour that had no doubt led Olga to seek an exorcism.
Tomas truly had no idea.,
"We tell her of the clones."
Maggie head whipped up so fast she heard her neck crack. She stared, wide eyed as Tomas nodded to her. Her expression must have told him everything she couldn’t word.
"Not the truth, no. But that she is the original. The real one. That the devil, that evil, has copied her. That she is not to ascend to heaven until the copies have been sent back to Hell.”
"You would use her faith against her?"
"You found faith with us, did you not?"
Maggie had to conceed that point. She had been a double agent, but as she had learnt more and more about the people, the group and what it sought to protect, she could only see the good,could only find the beauty in such faith.
She nodded.
"Her faith is absolute. Her fear of God is true. If she truly is made to believe that her Lord will abandon her if she doesn’t complete her mission….You tell her about the mission?"
"Only that we sought to spread the word of the Lord. That He calls upon us to carry out difficult and dangerous work. THat she must have faith in our mission."
"Good."
"How soo-"
"I do not know yet. Start too soon and she’ll push against us. Too late and we miss this pliability."
Maggie nodded, and sighed. She felt like a new parent taking the child home from the hospital for the first time and realising just how much was on her shoulders now.
"She’s troubled." Maggie warned.
"Are not we all?"
"I’m seriou-"
"As am I."
"I have a plan, my friend. Have faith in me."
Maggie supposed she had no choice.
"Shall we fetch her then?" Maggie waited for Tomas to step beside her, and together they followed down the hallway Helena had left by.
Helena tipped her head. Tthey were coming. Her new friends were coming, then they would leave. Thry would leave and never never never come back. Scooping Boris up, she hurried to the door and tugged it open. It was not locked. That was maybe one of the only times she’d tried to open the door an it opened. Sister Olga usuallt kept it locked. But now there would be no more Sister Olga. No more, no more, no more. She would have a family maggie and Tomas and Boris. And they would be friends forever and ever and ever.
"We go now, yes?" She tipped her headand kooked up at them. "Maggie, you have my things, yes?" Maybe they could leave now, and she would not have to see Sister Olga first. That would be nice.
Really now, did the child think them imbeciles? Honestly, it was a little insulting, Maggie thought as she and Tomas stood in the doorway and looked in at the girl, Boris heavy in her arms.
Dust settled upon Helena’s dress, spiderwebs caught up in her hair with sprinkles of brick dust. DId Helena truly think that Maggie would have forgotten their little show and tell? That Tomas, who was unknowing of her penchant for wall scurrying, would be so blind as to not guess that the girl had been up to far more than readying herself to leave?
"Helena," Maggie began, narrowing her eyes and very obviously flicking her gaze from Helena’s clothes to her hair to the dirt upon her shoes, "we are leaving now. And as we walk, you can explain to Tomas and myself precisely why you went back into your little tunnels. Why you attempted to spy upon us. After i told you never to do so again."
With that, Maggie pushed past the girl and lifted the battered suitcase that held her few possessions. No doubt the case belonged to one of the Sisters, a relic of her time before taking her vows, a case she’d never use again. No doubt it was far heavier when she left her old life behind and came to this wretched place. Fitting that Helena would use it to leave the place in her past.
"Come, child." Tomas intoned. One glance to him let Maggie know that he had indeed suspected the girl of having been up to something.
"You shall explain to my satisfaction your behaviour. But after we leave."
The trio left in silence, the heavy door slamming shut behind them, the bolt sliding home with finality as they, along with the rest of the world, was shut out once more.
Maggie had never been so relieved to leave a place in her existence.
As they rounded the last curve of the track and at last out of view of the convent, Maggie coughed.
"Now, child. Answer Tomas,"
Helena hunched her shoulders, holding Boris more tight. So, she was right. When Maggie said she had to leave her behviors here she meant no more climbing in walls. And Maggie knew she’d done it, too. She looked at Helena’s dress and shoes and hair. When Helena looked, also, she saw the dirt, and dust from the stones in the wall. When she touched her hsir, she felt the sticky spiders’ homes. Her fingers were covered with red dust, from the stones in the wall.
Maggie saw all that and knew. Maggie was wise. The sisters sometimes saw that, too, and thought she’d gone outside, or played with spiders. The sisters were not wise like Maggie was,
She watched as Maggie walked past her, scrambling back when Maggie pushed, to grab the little brown bag with the handles on it. One of the sisters brought it with her. But there was nothing in it. She’d looked once. Since Maggie had it now, maybe her dress and Bible and rosary were in it now. It would be nice to hsve a little box with hanfles on it to keep her things in.
And Maggie said she could tell them why she did what she was not supposed to, while they walked. So they would not leave her here. She could come, too. Tomas said she had to explain, too, but as they walked. So he did not want to leave her here, also. That was good.
And maybe they would not bring her back once they knew.
Maybe.
She looked up at Maggie’s words. Petting Boris, she looked back and forth between Maggie and Tomas as she walked. They both wanted an answer. She should look at both of thrm while she talked. “Tomas said he wanted totalk to you. Said for me to wait in room with Boris.”
She turned to look at Tomas. “Thought since you wanted to talk to Maggie without me, you would say you did not want to take me.”
Helena looked back at Maggie. “I decided, one more time, because wanted to know if I was right, and Tomas would tell you he did not want to take me. Thought you would say yes, and you would tell Sister Olga and she would tell me.”
Chewing on her lip, she pet Boris more. Looked to Tomas, then to Maggie, as she said, “Wanted to know first, so she would not—would not—” Petting Boris’s fur more did not make the words she wanted come into her head. But not trying to explain would be bad, because she was not doing what Maggie and Tomas said. “Did not want her to see me cry.”
Maggie could understand that. Many times herself she had attempted to learn of how another truly felt of her, how another rated her work by covertly listening in. But that was her job.
Well, it was now anyway. Glancing at Tomas she remembered their first meeting. She'd overheard him arguing with another of their order, his low voice rough as he calmly, but firmly reeled off her 'failings', how he needed no partner, that 'this woman' was no match for him, would only slow him down. He had been disgusted by how she had originally entered their order, unconvinced that she had truly found the Light and that her faith was genuine. He wasn't the only one she had encountered, but he was the first with which she was to be partnered. Maggie felt utterly unashamed about how she'd had crept down the hallways of their meeting house and slowed her breathing, leaning silent against a wall as she listened to Tomas lay out his argument.
She had practice of course, as she'd crept around the Prolethean quarters, asking questions, listening in. Spying. She'd been good, very good. They'd never caught her. Not once. It was she who had turned herself into them. When she had spilled forth her mission and provided them with everything she knew about the Dyad Institute's work as proof of her new loyalty.
But that was different. She was in control here. She was the one giving the orders and Helena was to follow them or face the consequences. Oh, certainly, her little skill would be useful and they would further hone it to make her utterly indetectable, but against them? Against she and Tomas?
Unthinkable.
Inexcusable.
Staring straight ahead, Maggie let her voice harden, as she shook her head.
“That is an excuse. Not a reason. I understand that you did not wish to show a weakness to that woman, did not wish for her to see you crushed.” She tighted her hand on the handle of the case, the old leather creaking in protest.
“However, I told you that we were taking you. I told you that we were going to leave that wretched place. I told you that we wouldn't leave you behind once you showed you could follow my requests. But then, when you got confirmation of what you wanted, as soon as you knew we would not leave without you, what did you do? Hmmm? Oh yes,” Maggie glanced at Tomas, “you disobeyed what I asked of you. You instantly decided to do what you wanted and not what was expected of you. Have you so short a memory that you forgot my directive?”
Glancing around their small group, Maggie quickly determined they were not visible from the road yet and nobody was working in the fields. Good, they would not be seen. Lengthening her stride, Maggie allowed herself to step a few feet in front of the other two, turning around to face the girl and stopping dead in her path. She reached out and cupped the small chin, jerking her head up harshly so Helena met her eye.
“And this is the last time you shall ever do such a thing. Do you understand, Little One? If you disobey me, or Tomas again, you will long for the days you spent alone with your rats in the cellar. You will cry out for the punishments that Olga could concoct for you. Tomas and me? We are inventive. We can be cruel if necessary. We will not punish for no reason, we will always tell you what you did wrong, and the punishment will always fit the act for which you are being chastised. You will have firm and absolute rules to follow. But if you do break those rules, make no mistake; punishment will be swift.”
“Will it be necessary for us to be cruel, Helena?”
Maggie let the girl wrap her little hand around Maggie’s own, used the hold to tug the girl to her feet, using her free hand to pat the dirt and dust from first her own clothing, and then the girl’s, Maggie’s actions futile as the dirt smeared across their garments, ground into the weave at the knees of MAggie’s trousers and caked across her hands, thick beneath her fingernails.
"We do have to tell Tomas," she said as she collected up the strewn socks and shoes, dropped in Helena’s panic,. Tomas will need to know how you behave so he can best support you in your life, best support you to devote your behaviour, your every act to The Lord. Just as there can no secrets between you and our Lord, there can be no secrets between family. I will be with you, but Helena, you must speak with him, or I shall."
Walking back to the stairs, she motioned for Helena to sit upon the bottom rung; it wasn’t like the grubby planking could make her dress any more filthy.
"Now, put on your shoes and socks and let us leave this place. We must speak with Tomas, see what we can do about Boris." She watched as Helena tugged on her socks and shoes mullishly,
"There will be questions when we go back upstairs, questions as to why we are so dirty, why we have been so long. I shall answer any questions of that nature. You are to go straight to Tomas. I shall speak with Olga."
She held out her hand once more to pull Helena to her feet and gestured to the door, still holding the trembling gir’s hand.
"Come, we must collect your things."
Helena flinched as Maggie patted her. But it did not hurt. It did not make the dirt go away either. It almost made it worse. They were both now filthy. And it was her fault. And Maggie said she had to tell Tomas. Or Maggie would. Said they would ask about Boris. She walked over to the steps and sat down when Maggie said. This was not nice. She got them both dirty. And she had to tell Tomas about the rats. About Mousey. It was not nice. Not nice. Not nice. Maybe he would not want to take her with them now.
Sighing, she pulled on her socks. Her shoes. She did not like her socks. Did not. Did not. Did not. They scratched her feet. She did not like her shoes. Did not. Did not. Did not. They pinched her toes. When they got home—if Tomas still would take her, after she told him—she would take her socks and shoes off and hide them somewhere. Maybe she would bury them somewhere. Then sne ould never never never have to wear them ever ever ever again.
Maggie said they would ask why they were filthy. Why they were down there so long. Mggie said she would talk to Olga. Mggie aaid Helena would go straight to Tomas. Mggie said they had to gather her things. But Maggie had gathered her things before. While she was in her room. But she did not have them now. Maybe she left them upstairs helena took Maggie’s hand and followed her out of the cellar.
She went back inside the convent with Maggie and walked over to Tomas. ”Need to talk to you.” Olga asked why she was so dirty, asked what she did to Maggie, but Helena did not answer her. Maggie would tell her. “Maggie said.”
Tomas nodded and she followed him to another corner of the room.
"Maggie asked about rats in cellar and—"
Tomas reached for her and she shrnk back, whimpering. “Sssh, ssh ssh.” He stroked her hair. “Easy child. I’m not going to hurt you.” Cupping her chin, he lifted her head. “You need to look at me, at Maggie, at other people, when you talk to them, or they talk to you. Do you understand, Helena?”
When she nodded, said, “Yes, Tomas,” and kept looking at him, even when he let go of her chin, he patted her head, said, “Good girl,” said, “Continue, child.”
Looking at him, like he said to, she told him about the rats. About catching them. Eating them. “But only sometimes. Because I was hungry and is suicide to starve if is food.” She told him about talking to the rats after they died. About finding—but not eating, not not not not not not not eating not eating not eating—mouse baby. Dead. About burying him. Digging him up later. About no more mouse baby. Only bones. About putting mouse baby in her pocket. About mouse baby is—was—her friend. About Maggie saying bury mouse baby. About Maggie saying carrying mouse baby was bad because is dirty. About forgetting mouse baby is dead, can’t see, can’t feel, can’t taste, what she feels, hears, tastes, when she holds—held—him.
Tomas looked very, very pale. Like one of the sisters dod, when she found the sead rat in her drawer. Helena left it because the sister told Sister Olga that Helena took the sister’s blue ribbon her family sent to her, and Sister Olga smacked her hands with the ruler. The sister turned very very pale and fell on the floor. Sister Olga said she fainted. Maybe Tomas would fall on the floor, too. “Tomas? You are alright?”
He swallowed, one, two, three times. Nodded. Said, “Yes, child. Continue.”
Helena nodded, too, said, “Yes, Tomas,” and told aboyt not wanting to put mouse baby in the ground. About it being alright, because mouse baby is not there to know is in hole in the ground, in the dark, by himself. She told about the fit she threw—about screaming and rocking, and hitting her hands on the wall—how it wasn’t really a fit because she did it so Maggie would see she was sorry. About Maggie screaming too.
About Maggie saying she shamed herself when she screamed. About Maggie saying she could not behave that way with them. About Maggie saying tell Tomas. About Maggie saying she would talk to Olga. But not about Maggie saying mybe get a doll, because maybe Tomas would say no, now that he knew she was bad. ”Can—can still come? I’m sorry I was bad.” She’d said sorry to Maggie too, but Maggie had not said it is alright. Maybe Tomas would say it.
But Tomas said, “I’m glad you’re sorry, child. And Maggie is certainly right. You won’t be allowed to act like that. Yes, you can come with us, but that sort of behavior won’t be tolerated. Do you understand?” When she nodded, said, “Yes, Tomas,”—maybe he would make her come back if she was bad—he smiled. Patted her cheek. She flinched, but it did not hurt. He said, “Good girl.” Said, “Take Boris and wait in your room, child. I need to speak with Maggie for a moment.”
Helena nodded. Scooped Boris up and walked down the hall into her room. Her things were not there. Maybe Maggie hsd them somewhere else. She sat down on the floor, and pet the dog. ”We have family, now, Boris. Family, family, family.”
THe girl was reluctant, again, but at least she didn’t grumble too much. Perhaps more than Tomas would endure in their future together, but not so much that Maggie could be further bothered to chivvy the child along, waiting somewhat patiently as she readied herself and finally took to climbing the stairs.
Maggie blinked rapidly against the brightness of outside, grimacing against the light after the murky depths of the cellar but not letting her stride falter as she followed the path back to the main building, welcoming the darker hallway and hanging back as Helena strode up to Tomas and Olga, interrupting their conversation. The jut of her jaw and the tense line of her shoulders, combined with her clenched fists all betrayed her fear but from what Maggie could hear, she didn’t let it creep into her voice, no doubt trained over the years in ensuring Olga couldn’t detect any of the fear the girl held. Tomas glanced over Helena’s head nad Maggie nodded to him, smirking as Tomas moved away to another corner of the room. She kept her eyes on the strange pair as she moved over to Olga.
"The little devil will never learn manners." Olga sniffed, one hand clenched around the rosary that hung from her belt.
"The little devil is doing exactly what I told her to do." Maggie didn’t bother looking over at the woman; it was far more entertaining watching Tomas’ increasingly horrified expression. Sure, to anyone that hadn’t spent months with the man, his expression might appear subdued, almost blank, but to Maggie, his face was a delight of horror and revulsion. After what Maggie had just endured in the cellar, she thought it only fair that she have a little fun at her partner’s expense.
"Then you are-"
Maggie cut off Olga at the pass, unwillingly to listen to her.
"We want the dog."
"I beg your pardon?"
"The dog. Boris. We want him." The dog in question took that moment to wander into the room, ears pricked as though he knew he was being spoken off and he made a beeline to MAggie’s feet, rubbing against her leg and shedding upon her already ruined trousers.
"He is mine."
"We take the dog with us, or we leave the girl." Maggie ducked down and wrapped her hands around the dogs middle, supporting his hind legs as she picked him up and cradled him to her chest, shushing his squirming before he went still and let her scratch behind his ears.
"You would not."
"Try me, Sister."
"My nephew has informed me about the little brat. You would not leave such a commodity behind."
"I said we would leave her. Not that we would leave. She could live here and we train her in the grounds. Yes, perhaps that would be best. Too much change is not good for the young." Olga’s expression matched Tomas as she mulled over her choices.
"For my dog, I want-"
"Did you not take a vow of poverty,Sister? You couldn’t possibly be asking me for money? Or material possessions?" In her arms, Boris whined, so Maggie placed him back on the floor where he sat at her feet. Maggie smiled, pleased. Much like Helena, the dog seemed to recognise a new world order. No matter what Olga wanted, Boris would come with them. He’d follow if they left without him, of that Maggie was sure.
Across the room, Helena seemed to be finishing up with Tomas, her friend’s face pale and Maggie nudged Boris’ hindquarters. “Go to Helena now,” she instructed, pointing over to the girl and smirking at Olga when the dog obeyed, uncaring that the Sister couldn’t see. Pride was a sin, but sometimes resisting was too much for one person.
"I’m glad we understand each other. I must speak with Tomas now Sister. We shall come find you when we are done." Maggie didn’t wait to see if her dismissal was heeded and instead strode across teh room to where Tomas was leaning against the wall.
Helena pet Boris more. Hummed to herself. What was taking them so long? What did Tomas want to talk to Maggie about? She cuddled Boris tighter. He wss coming with them. Maggie said. They would be a family. Her and Boris and Maggie and Tomas. They would be friends. Friends, friends, friends. Forever, forever, forever.
She glanced at the loose stone in the wall. Maybe she should go see. Maggie said she would have to leave her behavior here. Maybe that meant she should not do this anymore, even here. But maybe one more time, before she left, would be alright. Because maybe they would think she should not come now. And if they did—she wanted to know. So she did not find out first from Olga. So she would not sniffle, would not have wet eyes, when the nun told her they changed their minds, and did not want her now.
Why else would Tomas want to talk to Maggie with her in her room?
She scooped up Boris. Shoved the stone asode. Crawled into the wall. It was very dark. Boris whimpered. She set him on the floo in her bedroom. Boris did not know how to be quiet in the wall. He would tell the others she was there. “Bye bye Boris. Back soon.”
Crawling through the wall, she went back to the main room. Found a spot behind Maggie and Tomas. Drawing her knees up to her chest, she sat in one of the little holowed out spots in the wall. Ear pressed to the wall, she listened.
They were not speaking Ukrainian.
It was something else. Some other language.
Biting her lip to keep from growling, she turned and crawled back to her room. Shoving open the loose stone, she crawled out. Put it back. Grabbed Boris and held him. “We go with them, Boris. We go with them, we go with them, we go with them.” Maybe if ahe said it enough, she would believe it also.
As Maggie approached Tomas she could see how pale he was, how he was convulsively swallowing and his hands were clenched into fists, one thumb unconsciously twisting the heavy gold ring he wore, the fish flashing in the low light with every revolution.
As she approached, his eyes flicked up to her and as soon as she was within hearing range he spoke, asking her about her conversation with Olga but Maggie immediately shushed him and shook her head.
"English, Tomas. The walls have ears." Maggie jerked her head towards the door Helena had left via. She knew the girl would recall their earlier talk but she didn’t believe for a moment that the girl wouldn’t risk one last trip through the walls. Oh, the girl might call it a goodbye or just ‘one last time’ but Maggie knew what she was after; she wanted a chance to spy on her new guardians.
But the little spy didn’t speak english.
"What were you two talking over?"
"We’re taking the dog. It’ll keep her calmer and give her something to care for and cling to that is familiar. And gives us leverage. We can use threats to remove the dog if she doesn’t behave, at least until we have introduced…other means of ensuring her behaviour is what we wish."
Tomas mulled that over, eyes drifting over to where Maggie knew Olga was still standing, no doubt fuming but unable to do a damned thing about it.
"And the girl?"
"Well, you saw for yourself, didn’t you?" Maggie smirked. "She is unstable. Unhinged. But it will work for us. But we have to watch her Tomas. She is smart. Secretive. She could be dangerous. We must ensure we have complete power over her."
"We shall."
"And how do you plan to do that?" Maggie didn’t mean to make herself sound so childish but Tomas had spent a mere handful of minutes with the girl, while she had spent hours and seen for herself some of the behaviour that had no doubt led Olga to seek an exorcism.
Tomas truly had no idea.,
"We tell her of the clones."
Maggie head whipped up so fast she heard her neck crack. She stared, wide eyed as Tomas nodded to her. Her expression must have told him everything she couldn’t word.
"Not the truth, no. But that she is the original. The real one. That the devil, that evil, has copied her. That she is not to ascend to heaven until the copies have been sent back to Hell.”
"You would use her faith against her?"
"You found faith with us, did you not?"
Maggie had to conceed that point. She had been a double agent, but as she had learnt more and more about the people, the group and what it sought to protect, she could only see the good,could only find the beauty in such faith.
She nodded.
"Her faith is absolute. Her fear of God is true. If she truly is made to believe that her Lord will abandon her if she doesn’t complete her mission….You tell her about the mission?"
"Only that we sought to spread the word of the Lord. That He calls upon us to carry out difficult and dangerous work. THat she must have faith in our mission."
"Good."
"How soo-"
"I do not know yet. Start too soon and she’ll push against us. Too late and we miss this pliability."
Maggie nodded, and sighed. She felt like a new parent taking the child home from the hospital for the first time and realising just how much was on her shoulders now.
"She’s troubled." Maggie warned.
"Are not we all?"
"I’m seriou-"
"As am I."
"I have a plan, my friend. Have faith in me."
Maggie supposed she had no choice.
"Shall we fetch her then?" Maggie waited for Tomas to step beside her, and together they followed down the hallway Helena had left by.
Helena tipped her head. Tthey were coming. Her new friends were coming, then they would leave. Thry would leave and never never never come back. Scooping Boris up, she hurried to the door and tugged it open. It was not locked. That was maybe one of the only times she’d tried to open the door an it opened. Sister Olga usuallt kept it locked. But now there would be no more Sister Olga. No more, no more, no more. She would have a family maggie and Tomas and Boris. And they would be friends forever and ever and ever.
"We go now, yes?" She tipped her headand kooked up at them. "Maggie, you have my things, yes?" Maybe they could leave now, and she would not have to see Sister Olga first. That would be nice.
Really now, did the child think them imbeciles? Honestly, it was a little insulting, Maggie thought as she and Tomas stood in the doorway and looked in at the girl, Boris heavy in her arms.
Dust settled upon Helena's dress, spiderwebs caught up in her hair with sprinkles of brick dust. DId Helena truly think that Maggie would have forgotten their little show and tell? That Tomas, who was unknowing of her penchant for wall scurrying, would be so blind as to not guess that the girl had been up to far more than readying herself to leave?
"Helena," Maggie began, narrowing her eyes and very obviously flicking her gaze from Helena's clothes to her hair to the dirt upon her shoes, "we are leaving now. And as we walk, you can explain to Tomas and myself precisely why you went back into your little tunnels. Why you attempted to spy upon us. After i told you never to do so again."
With that, Maggie pushed past the girl and lifted the battered suitcase that held her few possessions. No doubt the case belonged to one of the Sisters, a relic of her time before taking her vows, a case she'd never use again. No doubt it was far heavier when she left her old life behind and came to this wretched place. Fitting that Helena would use it to leave the place in her past.
"Come, child." Tomas intoned. One glance to him let Maggie know that he had indeed suspected the girl of having been up to something.
"You shall explain to my satisfaction your behaviour. But after we leave."
The trio left in silence, the heavy door slamming shut behind them, the bolt sliding home with finality as they, along with the rest of the world, was shut out once more.
Maggie had never been so relieved to leave a place in her existence.
As they rounded the last curve of the track and at last out of view of the convent, Maggie coughed.
"Now, child. Answer Tomas,"
Maggie let the girl wrap her little hand around Maggie’s own, used the hold to tug the girl to her feet, using her free hand to pat the dirt and dust from first her own clothing, and then the girl’s, Maggie’s actions futile as the dirt smeared across their garments, ground into the weave at the knees of MAggie’s trousers and caked across her hands, thick beneath her fingernails.
"We do have to tell Tomas," she said as she collected up the strewn socks and shoes, dropped in Helena’s panic,. Tomas will need to know how you behave so he can best support you in your life, best support you to devote your behaviour, your every act to The Lord. Just as there can no secrets between you and our Lord, there can be no secrets between family. I will be with you, but Helena, you must speak with him, or I shall."
Walking back to the stairs, she motioned for Helena to sit upon the bottom rung; it wasn’t like the grubby planking could make her dress any more filthy.
"Now, put on your shoes and socks and let us leave this place. We must speak with Tomas, see what we can do about Boris." She watched as Helena tugged on her socks and shoes mullishly,
"There will be questions when we go back upstairs, questions as to why we are so dirty, why we have been so long. I shall answer any questions of that nature. You are to go straight to Tomas. I shall speak with Olga."
She held out her hand once more to pull Helena to her feet and gestured to the door, still holding the trembling gir’s hand.
"Come, we must collect your things."
Helena flinched as Maggie patted her. But it did not hurt. It did not make the dirt go away either. It almost made it worse. They were both now filthy. And it was her fault. And Maggie said she had to tell Tomas. Or Maggie would. Said they would ask about Boris. She walked over to the steps and sat down when Maggie said. This was not nice. She got them both dirty. And she had to tell Tomas about the rats. About Mousey. It was not nice. Not nice. Not nice. Maybe he would not want to take her with them now.
Sighing, she pulled on her socks. Her shoes. She did not like her socks. Did not. Did not. Did not. They scratched her feet. She did not like her shoes. Did not. Did not. Did not. They pinched her toes. When they got home—if Tomas still would take her, after she told him—she would take her socks and shoes off and hide them somewhere. Maybe she would bury them somewhere. Then sne ould never never never have to wear them ever ever ever again.
Maggie said they would ask why they were filthy. Why they were down there so long. Mggie said she would talk to Olga. Mggie aaid Helena would go straight to Tomas. Mggie said they had to gather her things. But Maggie had gathered her things before. While she was in her room. But she did not have them now. Maybe she left them upstairs helena took Maggie’s hand and followed her out of the cellar.
She went back inside the convent with Maggie and walked over to Tomas. ”Need to talk to you.” Olga asked why she was so dirty, asked what she did to Maggie, but Helena did not answer her. Maggie would tell her. “Maggie said.”
Tomas nodded and she followed him to another corner of the room.
"Maggie asked about rats in cellar and—"
Tomas reached for her and she shrnk back, whimpering. “Sssh, ssh ssh.” He stroked her hair. “Easy child. I’m not going to hurt you.” Cupping her chin, he lifted her head. “You need to look at me, at Maggie, at other people, when you talk to them, or they talk to you. Do you understand, Helena?”
When she nodded, said, “Yes, Tomas,” and kept looking at him, even when he let go of her chin, he patted her head, said, “Good girl,” said, “Continue, child.”
Looking at him, like he said to, she told him about the rats. About catching them. Eating them. “But only sometimes. Because I was hungry and is suicide to starve if is food.” She told him about talking to the rats after they died. About finding—but not eating, not not not not not not not eating not eating not eating—mouse baby. Dead. About burying him. Digging him up later. About no more mouse baby. Only bones. About putting mouse baby in her pocket. About mouse baby is—was—her friend. About Maggie saying bury mouse baby. About Maggie saying carrying mouse baby was bad because is dirty. About forgetting mouse baby is dead, can’t see, can’t feel, can’t taste, what she feels, hears, tastes, when she holds—held—him.
Tomas looked very, very pale. Like one of the sisters dod, when she found the sead rat in her drawer. Helena left it because the sister told Sister Olga that Helena took the sister’s blue ribbon her family sent to her, and Sister Olga smacked her hands with the ruler. The sister turned very very pale and fell on the floor. Sister Olga said she fainted. Maybe Tomas would fall on the floor, too. “Tomas? You are alright?”
He swallowed, one, two, three times. Nodded. Said, “Yes, child. Continue.”
Helena nodded, too, said, “Yes, Tomas,” and told aboyt not wanting to put mouse baby in the ground. About it being alright, because mouse baby is not there to know is in hole in the ground, in the dark, by himself. She told about the fit she threw—about screaming and rocking, and hitting her hands on the wall—how it wasn’t really a fit because she did it so Maggie would see she was sorry. About Maggie screaming too.
About Maggie saying she shamed herself when she screamed. About Maggie saying she could not behave that way with them. About Maggie saying tell Tomas. About Maggie saying she would talk to Olga. But not about Maggie saying mybe get a doll, because maybe Tomas would say no, now that he knew she was bad. ”Can—can still come? I’m sorry I was bad.” She’d said sorry to Maggie too, but Maggie had not said it is alright. Maybe Tomas would say it.
But Tomas said, “I’m glad you’re sorry, child. And Maggie is certainly right. You won’t be allowed to act like that. Yes, you can come with us, but that sort of behavior won’t be tolerated. Do you understand?” When she nodded, said, “Yes, Tomas,”—maybe he would make her come back if she was bad—he smiled. Patted her cheek. She flinched, but it did not hurt. He said, “Good girl.” Said, “Take Boris and wait in your room, child. I need to speak with Maggie for a moment.”
Helena nodded. Scooped Boris up and walked down the hall into her room. Her things were not there. Maybe Maggie hsd them somewhere else. She sat down on the floor, and pet the dog. ”We have family, now, Boris. Family, family, family.”
THe girl was reluctant, again, but at least she didn’t grumble too much. Perhaps more than Tomas would endure in their future together, but not so much that Maggie could be further bothered to chivvy the child along, waiting somewhat patiently as she readied herself and finally took to climbing the stairs.
Maggie blinked rapidly against the brightness of outside, grimacing against the light after the murky depths of the cellar but not letting her stride falter as she followed the path back to the main building, welcoming the darker hallway and hanging back as Helena strode up to Tomas and Olga, interrupting their conversation. The jut of her jaw and the tense line of her shoulders, combined with her clenched fists all betrayed her fear but from what Maggie could hear, she didn’t let it creep into her voice, no doubt trained over the years in ensuring Olga couldn’t detect any of the fear the girl held. Tomas glanced over Helena’s head nad Maggie nodded to him, smirking as Tomas moved away to another corner of the room. She kept her eyes on the strange pair as she moved over to Olga.
"The little devil will never learn manners." Olga sniffed, one hand clenched around the rosary that hung from her belt.
"The little devil is doing exactly what I told her to do." Maggie didn’t bother looking over at the woman; it was far more entertaining watching Tomas’ increasingly horrified expression. Sure, to anyone that hadn’t spent months with the man, his expression might appear subdued, almost blank, but to Maggie, his face was a delight of horror and revulsion. After what Maggie had just endured in the cellar, she thought it only fair that she have a little fun at her partner’s expense.
"Then you are-"
Maggie cut off Olga at the pass, unwillingly to listen to her.
"We want the dog."
"I beg your pardon?"
"The dog. Boris. We want him." The dog in question took that moment to wander into the room, ears pricked as though he knew he was being spoken off and he made a beeline to MAggie’s feet, rubbing against her leg and shedding upon her already ruined trousers.
"He is mine."
"We take the dog with us, or we leave the girl." Maggie ducked down and wrapped her hands around the dogs middle, supporting his hind legs as she picked him up and cradled him to her chest, shushing his squirming before he went still and let her scratch behind his ears.
"You would not."
"Try me, Sister."
"My nephew has informed me about the little brat. You would not leave such a commodity behind."
"I said we would leave her. Not that we would leave. She could live here and we train her in the grounds. Yes, perhaps that would be best. Too much change is not good for the young." Olga’s expression matched Tomas as she mulled over her choices.
"For my dog, I want-"
"Did you not take a vow of poverty,Sister? You couldn’t possibly be asking me for money? Or material possessions?" In her arms, Boris whined, so Maggie placed him back on the floor where he sat at her feet. Maggie smiled, pleased. Much like Helena, the dog seemed to recognise a new world order. No matter what Olga wanted, Boris would come with them. He’d follow if they left without him, of that Maggie was sure.
Across the room, Helena seemed to be finishing up with Tomas, her friend’s face pale and Maggie nudged Boris’ hindquarters. “Go to Helena now,” she instructed, pointing over to the girl and smirking at Olga when the dog obeyed, uncaring that the Sister couldn’t see. Pride was a sin, but sometimes resisting was too much for one person.
"I’m glad we understand each other. I must speak with Tomas now Sister. We shall come find you when we are done." Maggie didn’t wait to see if her dismissal was heeded and instead strode across teh room to where Tomas was leaning against the wall.
Helena pet Boris more. Hummed to herself. What was taking them so long? What did Tomas want to talk to Maggie about? She cuddled Boris tighter. He wss coming with them. Maggie said. They would be a family. Her and Boris and Maggie and Tomas. They would be friends. Friends, friends, friends. Forever, forever, forever.
She glanced at the loose stone in the wall. Maybe she should go see. Maggie said she would have to leave her behavior here. Maybe that meant she should not do this anymore, even here. But maybe one more time, before she left, would be alright. Because maybe they would think she should not come now. And if they did—she wanted to know. So she did not find out first from Olga. So she would not sniffle, would not have wet eyes, when the nun told her they changed their minds, and did not want her now.
Why else would Tomas want to talk to Maggie with her in her room?
She scooped up Boris. Shoved the stone asode. Crawled into the wall. It was very dark. Boris whimpered. She set him on the floo in her bedroom. Boris did not know how to be quiet in the wall. He would tell the others she was there. “Bye bye Boris. Back soon.”
Crawling through the wall, she went back to the main room. Found a spot behind Maggie and Tomas. Drawing her knees up to her chest, she sat in one of the little holowed out spots in the wall. Ear pressed to the wall, she listened.
They were not speaking Ukrainian.
It was something else. Some other language.
Biting her lip to keep from growling, she turned and crawled back to her room. Shoving open the loose stone, she crawled out. Put it back. Grabbed Boris and held him. “We go with them, Boris. We go with them, we go with them, we go with them.” Maybe if ahe said it enough, she would believe it also.
As Maggie approached Tomas she could see how pale he was, how he was convulsively swallowing and his hands were clenched into fists, one thumb unconsciously twisting the heavy gold ring he wore, the fish flashing in the low light with every revolution.
As she approached, his eyes flicked up to her and as soon as she was within hearing range he spoke, asking her about her conversation with Olga but Maggie immediately shushed him and shook her head.
"English, Tomas. The walls have ears." Maggie jerked her head towards the door Helena had left via. She knew the girl would recall their earlier talk but she didn't believe for a moment that the girl wouldn't risk one last trip through the walls. Oh, the girl might call it a goodbye or just 'one last time' but Maggie knew what she was after; she wanted a chance to spy on her new guardians.
But the little spy didn't speak english.
"What were you two talking over?"
"We're taking the dog. It'll keep her calmer and give her something to care for and cling to that is familiar. And gives us leverage. We can use threats to remove the dog if she doesn't behave, at least until we have introduced...other means of ensuring her behaviour is what we wish."
Tomas mulled that over, eyes drifting over to where Maggie knew Olga was still standing, no doubt fuming but unable to do a damned thing about it.
"And the girl?"
"Well, you saw for yourself, didn't you?" Maggie smirked. "She is unstable. Unhinged. But it will work for us. But we have to watch her Tomas. She is smart. Secretive. She could be dangerous. We must ensure we have complete power over her."
"We shall."
"And how do you plan to do that?" Maggie didn't mean to make herself sound so childish but Tomas had spent a mere handful of minutes with the girl, while she had spent hours and seen for herself some of the behaviour that had no doubt led Olga to seek an exorcism.
Tomas truly had no idea.,
"We tell her of the clones."
Maggie head whipped up so fast she heard her neck crack. She stared, wide eyed as Tomas nodded to her. Her expression must have told him everything she couldn't word.
"Not the truth, no. But that she is the original. The real one. That the devil, that evil, has copied her. That she is not to ascend to heaven until the copies have been sent back to Hell."
"You would use her faith against her?"
"You found faith with us, did you not?"
Maggie had to conceed that point. She had been a double agent, but as she had learnt more and more about the people, the group and what it sought to protect, she could only see the good,could only find the beauty in such faith.
She nodded.
"Her faith is absolute. Her fear of God is true. If she truly is made to believe that her Lord will abandon her if she doesn't complete her mission....You tell her about the mission?"
"Only that we sought to spread the word of the Lord. That He calls upon us to carry out difficult and dangerous work. THat she must have faith in our mission."
"Good."
"How soo-"
"I do not know yet. Start too soon and she'll push against us. Too late and we miss this pliability."
Maggie nodded, and sighed. She felt like a new parent taking the child home from the hospital for the first time and realising just how much was on her shoulders now.
"She's troubled." Maggie warned.
"Are not we all?"
"I'm seriou-"
"As am I."
"I have a plan, my friend. Have faith in me."
Maggie supposed she had no choice.
"Shall we fetch her then?" Maggie waited for Tomas to step beside her, and together they followed down the hallway Helena had left by.
Maggie let the girl wrap her little hand around Maggie’s own, used the hold to tug the girl to her feet, using her free hand to pat the dirt and dust from first her own clothing, and then the girl’s, Maggie’s actions futile as the dirt smeared across their garments, ground into the weave at the knees of MAggie’s trousers and caked across her hands, thick beneath her fingernails.
"We do have to tell Tomas," she said as she collected up the strewn socks and shoes, dropped in Helena’s panic,. Tomas will need to know how you behave so he can best support you in your life, best support you to devote your behaviour, your every act to The Lord. Just as there can no secrets between you and our Lord, there can be no secrets between family. I will be with you, but Helena, you must speak with him, or I shall."
Walking back to the stairs, she motioned for Helena to sit upon the bottom rung; it wasn’t like the grubby planking could make her dress any more filthy.
"Now, put on your shoes and socks and let us leave this place. We must speak with Tomas, see what we can do about Boris." She watched as Helena tugged on her socks and shoes mullishly,
"There will be questions when we go back upstairs, questions as to why we are so dirty, why we have been so long. I shall answer any questions of that nature. You are to go straight to Tomas. I shall speak with Olga."
She held out her hand once more to pull Helena to her feet and gestured to the door, still holding the trembling gir’s hand.
"Come, we must collect your things."
Helena flinched as Maggie patted her. But it did not hurt. It did not make the dirt go away either. It almost made it worse. They were both now filthy. And it was her fault. And Maggie said she had to tell Tomas. Or Maggie would. Said they would ask about Boris. She walked over to the steps and sat down when Maggie said. This was not nice. She got them both dirty. And she had to tell Tomas about the rats. About Mousey. It was not nice. Not nice. Not nice. Maybe he would not want to take her with them now.
Sighing, she pulled on her socks. Her shoes. She did not like her socks. Did not. Did not. Did not. They scratched her feet. She did not like her shoes. Did not. Did not. Did not. They pinched her toes. When they got home—if Tomas still would take her, after she told him—she would take her socks and shoes off and hide them somewhere. Maybe she would bury them somewhere. Then sne ould never never never have to wear them ever ever ever again.
Maggie said they would ask why they were filthy. Why they were down there so long. Mggie said she would talk to Olga. Mggie aaid Helena would go straight to Tomas. Mggie said they had to gather her things. But Maggie had gathered her things before. While she was in her room. But she did not have them now. Maybe she left them upstairs helena took Maggie’s hand and followed her out of the cellar.
She went back inside the convent with Maggie and walked over to Tomas. ”Need to talk to you.” Olga asked why she was so dirty, asked what she did to Maggie, but Helena did not answer her. Maggie would tell her. “Maggie said.”
Tomas nodded and she followed him to another corner of the room.
"Maggie asked about rats in cellar and—"
Tomas reached for her and she shrnk back, whimpering. “Sssh, ssh ssh.” He stroked her hair. “Easy child. I’m not going to hurt you.” Cupping her chin, he lifted her head. “You need to look at me, at Maggie, at other people, when you talk to them, or they talk to you. Do you understand, Helena?”
When she nodded, said, “Yes, Tomas,” and kept looking at him, even when he let go of her chin, he patted her head, said, “Good girl,” said, “Continue, child.”
Looking at him, like he said to, she told him about the rats. About catching them. Eating them. “But only sometimes. Because I was hungry and is suicide to starve if is food.” She told him about talking to the rats after they died. About finding—but not eating, not not not not not not not eating not eating not eating—mouse baby. Dead. About burying him. Digging him up later. About no more mouse baby. Only bones. About putting mouse baby in her pocket. About mouse baby is—was—her friend. About Maggie saying bury mouse baby. About Maggie saying carrying mouse baby was bad because is dirty. About forgetting mouse baby is dead, can’t see, can’t feel, can’t taste, what she feels, hears, tastes, when she holds—held—him.
Tomas looked very, very pale. Like one of the sisters dod, when she found the sead rat in her drawer. Helena left it because the sister told Sister Olga that Helena took the sister’s blue ribbon her family sent to her, and Sister Olga smacked her hands with the ruler. The sister turned very very pale and fell on the floor. Sister Olga said she fainted. Maybe Tomas would fall on the floor, too. “Tomas? You are alright?”
He swallowed, one, two, three times. Nodded. Said, “Yes, child. Continue.”
Helena nodded, too, said, “Yes, Tomas,” and told aboyt not wanting to put mouse baby in the ground. About it being alright, because mouse baby is not there to know is in hole in the ground, in the dark, by himself. She told about the fit she threw—about screaming and rocking, and hitting her hands on the wall—how it wasn’t really a fit because she did it so Maggie would see she was sorry. About Maggie screaming too.
About Maggie saying she shamed herself when she screamed. About Maggie saying she could not behave that way with them. About Maggie saying tell Tomas. About Maggie saying she would talk to Olga. But not about Maggie saying mybe get a doll, because maybe Tomas would say no, now that he knew she was bad. ”Can—can still come? I’m sorry I was bad.” She’d said sorry to Maggie too, but Maggie had not said it is alright. Maybe Tomas would say it.
But Tomas said, “I’m glad you’re sorry, child. And Maggie is certainly right. You won’t be allowed to act like that. Yes, you can come with us, but that sort of behavior won’t be tolerated. Do you understand?” When she nodded, said, “Yes, Tomas,”—maybe he would make her come back if she was bad—he smiled. Patted her cheek. She flinched, but it did not hurt. He said, “Good girl.” Said, “Take Boris and wait in your room, child. I need to speak with Maggie for a moment.”
Helena nodded. Scooped Boris up and walked down the hall into her room. Her things were not there. Maybe Maggie hsd them somewhere else. She sat down on the floor, and pet the dog. ”We have family, now, Boris. Family, family, family.”
THe girl was reluctant, again, but at least she didn't grumble too much. Perhaps more than Tomas would endure in their future together, but not so much that Maggie could be further bothered to chivvy the child along, waiting somewhat patiently as she readied herself and finally took to climbing the stairs.
Maggie blinked rapidly against the brightness of outside, grimacing against the light after the murky depths of the cellar but not letting her stride falter as she followed the path back to the main building, welcoming the darker hallway and hanging back as Helena strode up to Tomas and Olga, interrupting their conversation. The jut of her jaw and the tense line of her shoulders, combined with her clenched fists all betrayed her fear but from what Maggie could hear, she didn't let it creep into her voice, no doubt trained over the years in ensuring Olga couldn't detect any of the fear the girl held. Tomas glanced over Helena's head nad Maggie nodded to him, smirking as Tomas moved away to another corner of the room. She kept her eyes on the strange pair as she moved over to Olga.
"The little devil will never learn manners." Olga sniffed, one hand clenched around the rosary that hung from her belt.
"The little devil is doing exactly what I told her to do." Maggie didn't bother looking over at the woman; it was far more entertaining watching Tomas' increasingly horrified expression. Sure, to anyone that hadn't spent months with the man, his expression might appear subdued, almost blank, but to Maggie, his face was a delight of horror and revulsion. After what Maggie had just endured in the cellar, she thought it only fair that she have a little fun at her partner's expense.
"Then you are-"
Maggie cut off Olga at the pass, unwillingly to listen to her.
"We want the dog."
"I beg your pardon?"
"The dog. Boris. We want him." The dog in question took that moment to wander into the room, ears pricked as though he knew he was being spoken off and he made a beeline to MAggie's feet, rubbing against her leg and shedding upon her already ruined trousers.
"He is mine."
"We take the dog with us, or we leave the girl." Maggie ducked down and wrapped her hands around the dogs middle, supporting his hind legs as she picked him up and cradled him to her chest, shushing his squirming before he went still and let her scratch behind his ears.
"You would not."
"Try me, Sister."
"My nephew has informed me about the little brat. You would not leave such a commodity behind."
"I said we would leave her. Not that we would leave. She could live here and we train her in the grounds. Yes, perhaps that would be best. Too much change is not good for the young." Olga's expression matched Tomas as she mulled over her choices.
"For my dog, I want-"
"Did you not take a vow of poverty,Sister? You couldn't possibly be asking me for money? Or material possessions?" In her arms, Boris whined, so Maggie placed him back on the floor where he sat at her feet. Maggie smiled, pleased. Much like Helena, the dog seemed to recognise a new world order. No matter what Olga wanted, Boris would come with them. He'd follow if they left without him, of that Maggie was sure.
Across the room, Helena seemed to be finishing up with Tomas, her friend's face pale and Maggie nudged Boris' hindquarters. "Go to Helena now," she instructed, pointing over to the girl and smirking at Olga when the dog obeyed, uncaring that the Sister couldn't see. Pride was a sin, but sometimes resisting was too much for one person.
"I'm glad we understand each other. I must speak with Tomas now Sister. We shall come find you when we are done." Maggie didn't wait to see if her dismissal was heeded and instead strode across teh room to where Tomas was leaning against the wall.
maggiesmind:“ helenatheferalangel:“ maggiesmind:“ maggiesmind:“ The child was…well, Maggie wasn’t quite sure just what she was doing.She’d looked unsure, hesitant even at revealing her secret to…
Oh good Lord above. Maggie had expected the child to be disturbed; she had no illusions, no child brought up out here in the solitude, with no other children for miles, with women that had never wanted to care for her was ever going to be well-adjusted, but this?
Talking mouse bones? that she dug up? Killing and trying to eat the rats, that was understandable. Disgusting, yes, but understandable - it was hardly something someone would do for fun, the girl had been starving. The talking to them, okay, that was strange but the talking to them afterwards having ripped out and eaten chunks of their flesh?
Helena was even more disturbed than she’d even thought to imagine, It could make her dangerous, not only to herself but to Maggie, Tomas, their order and the mission. She was unhinged.
Maggie’s upper lip curled in disgust at the thought of what else might be in those pockets, what rotting thing might be curled up in a corner of her clothing.
She reminded Maggie of Lennie from Of Mice And Men, all watery-eyed innocence and accidental violence. If this was how Helena treated her ‘friends’, what would she do to Maggie or Tomas if they were to upset her?
Holding out her hand, Maggie laid it out, palm up and fingers together.
"Give me the mouse Helena," she ordered, beckoning with her fingers. "There is to be no more of this, do you understand?" Maggie crouched, still keeping her grip on Helena’s hand while holding the other out, and caught HElena’s gaze. "I’m not angry. I’m still your friend, but I want you to give me the mouse bones right now,." When Helena didn’t hand over the grusome trophy, Maggie frowned.
"We are burying your mouse friend here and leaving. Do you understand? You must leave this behaviour here where it belongs. It is not going to be tolerated. We will dig a grave here and say a prayer and then we shall never, ever speak of it again."
Maggie was not angry about the rats. Almost she smiled. Maggie would still be her friend. She could still make a family with her and Tomas. And maybe Boris.
Then Maggie said give the mouse bones. Maggie said no more. Maggie said she wan’t angry-but maybe that was not true, because Maggie said give me the mouse bones. Said right now. Said bury. Said say a prayer which they could not do because mouse baby had no soul.
"No!" Helena shook her head, fingers closing over the mouse bones—but careful, so she wouldn’t squash them. "No no no." She wrenched her hand away from Maggie’s and ran to the empty corner. Crouching against the wall, she drew her knees to her chest, both hands now cupping the mouse bones. "No," she whimpered, "No, no, no." Slowly, she rocked back and forth. "No! No put mouse baby in the ground. In the dark. No. No. No!"
Most of the times, she knew mouse baby was not real anymore. She knew mouse baby was dead. She knew it was her talking, and not mouse baby. But sometimes, she forgot. Sometimes, she firgot mouse baby had no eyes, and did not know if it was daytime or nighttime, did not know if it was light or dark, did not know amything. And sometimes, she forgot mouse baby did not have a mouth, or a tongue, and couldn’t taste the little bits of food she hid in her pocket. Sometimes, she forgot that mouse baby did not miss her, when it was not in the pocket of the dress she wore, like she missed it. Sometimes, she forgot that mouse baby could not see what she saw, taste what she tasted, feel what she felt, when she held it.
Sometimes, she forgot mouse baby was not her friend.
Sometimes, she forgot mouse baby was not real.
And now probably Maggie was angry at her, for forgetting.
For not doing what she said.
For not letting her put mouse baby in the dirt, in the dark, because mouse bsby was not real, was not real, was not real.
Now Maggie would leave Helrna here and it would be all Helena’s fault.
Her arms wrapped around her head as she rocked, faster now. She screamed, and cried, screamed and cried, as her hands, now fists instead of a cup for mouse baby, pounded against the cellar wall. Over and over she hit the wall, till her skin tore and bled, till mouse baby was dust against her skin, and as she hit the wall, she screamed and cried, till her throat burned, because maybe—maybe—if Maggie saw how sorry she was—how very very very very sorry sorry sorry she was—she would take Helena with her.
Maggie hissed in pain as Helena wrenched her hand away, falling forward onto her knees as the girl pulled her off balance as she fled to one of the other corners, whimpering nonsense about ‘not real’ and ‘her friend’ and ‘angry’.
Maggie watched as Helena unraveled, as she curled in on herself and screamed. Screamed as though she were being murdered, screamed as though she were dying and wanted the world to know her pain, screamed as though she already knew her knew ‘friend’s’ plans for her, as though she knew what fate awaited her.
Screamed until Maggie thought her ears would bleed and helena’s voice would break.
And Maggie let her. Let her until she could stand it no more.
”STOP!” She bellowed. “Stop that now.” Maggie rocked hersel back to her feet and crossed to Helena, using her superior strength and weight to pin the girl’s legs with her knees and wrestling her arms still, pinning them to the wall by Helena’s head, her previously neat hair matted and wild, her eyes wide as screams still tore from her throat.
Unafraid, Maggie leant in close, near nose to nose, going damned near crossed-eyed from the promiity and took a deep breath, filling her lungs until her chest hurt and then she too screamed.
She yelled as loud as she could as long as she could until she thought her lungs would collapse on themselves and then she hauled in air to do it again. It burned, the taste of iron on her tongue telling her her throat was close to bleeding but she merely pitched her scream higher, uncaring.
Panting for breath she pressed harder again on Helena’s wrists.
"Anything you can do, HElena, I can do better. You hurt my wrist pulling away like that, I can break yours. You make such a scene and scream and shame yourself, then I shall scream too. You will not be allowed to behave like this with us. All I ask of you is to leave behind the trappings of this place. You had no other friends and so you had mousey. but now oyu have tomas and I. and we were going to try to take boris too."
Maggie gently drew back on the pressue on Helena’s wrists but didn’t let go.
"I was going to tell you that we could, when we returned to your new home, take you to a special store and let you pick a doll, a new friend of your own to talk to that would not scare people like the mouse. But perhaps we shall not do this now. But we shall bury mousy. You may carry the memory of mousey. but that is all”
Lord above her throat hurt now. And there was no way in Heaven that they had not been heard. But then, this was likely not the first such time that Helena had sat down here and screamed and screamed until she were sick.
Nobody had cared then.
Maggie yelled stop. Yelled stop that now. But she couldn’t. Maggie had to see, Maggie had to see, Maggie had to see. Maggie got vey very very close. Put her leg in front of Helena’s knees. Grabbed her wrists and made her hands set against the wall. Then Maggie screamed. Maggie screamed very loud! Finally, when her friend screamed, she stopped screaming herself. Helena stared, mouth open. When Maggie screamed, she did not mind that her friend was close, too close, that she could not move her legs, or her hands, because Maggie’s screaming—almost—made her not think about it. Maggie was like her. Maggie screamed too.
Then Maggie screamed again maggie screamed very very very high. That hurt her ears! Helena flinched, but still could not move her hands. Then Maggie swueezed her wrists, hard, and Maggie—somehow—talked. Her friend said whatever you can do, I can do better. Said break your wrists. Said scream and shame yourself. Said I will scream too. Maggie thought she was bad for screaming. She did not say anything about the hitting, so maybe she understood Helena was trying to say sorry.
But not with the screaming. That was bad. Because Maggie said scream and shame and shame meant the knot in your stomach and the hot face you got whrn you did something bad, so screaming was bad, because it made the shame happen. Maggie said a lot of other things, too, some that did not make sense—special store and doll—and some that did—not be allowed to behave like this and bury mousey.
Panting, she watched Maggie. Her friend said she could brewk Helena’s wrists. Not that she would. And she said maybe they would not go to the special store and get the doll now. And she said they were going to try to take Boris, so maybe they would not do that now, also. That was not nice. But she had screamed and shamed herself, so maybe—probably—she did not deserve the doll, and taking Boris.
Maggie said they would bury mousey.
Helena swallowed. Nodded. “Yes, Maggie. I’m sorry. We bury mousey.” She chewed her lip. “Maybe is nothing to bury. I squished mouse baby’s bones. I’m sorry.” Maybe Maggie would be angry about that, too, because now she could not do what she was supposed to. But Maggie had not let go—and her neck did not want to move, so she could not bang her head to show Maggie she was sorry—and probably Maggie would think she was being bad again and she would be more angry—so she said, “I’m sorry,” again. Maybe that would be enough.
Maggie narrowed her eyes at her new charge, assessing her for lies, her face mostly obscured in the dark, swallowing several times as she caught her breath, trying to get a read on whether Helena was being honest.
Something about her eyes, the exhaustion, the lines etched deep into skin that was too young to have such wrinkles, the fear that kept Helena’s breath shallow and fast convinced Maggie, and she shifted her weight, freeing the girl’s legs first and waiting to see if the kicking and flailing was going to start again. She lessened the pressure on thin wrists, letting them free of the walls, but keeping a hold of them, folding Helena’s arms downwards and into her lap before letting go completely and shifting to sit on the packed earth beside her, letting her head flop back against the wall and rolling her head to the side.
"I know you are scared. I know you are leaving behind a lot. But you cannot keep the trappings of this place. Mouse was your friend here. And he must stay here. You have other friends now."
"Mouse is dead, you cannot carry around dead creatures. it can be…" Maggie doubted the girl knew what unsanitary meant. "It can be dirty, can make you sick. Cannot do it anymore. But if you are good. IF you bury Mouse. I shall buy you a doll. A nice one. one that looks like you. You can give it a name and carry it around and play with it. Just not mouse."
Not waiting for Helena to say anything, Maggie got up and started slowly looking around the cellar for something to use, finally finding what looked like a broken broom shaft, the broken end relatively pointy, and moving over to HElena, and starting to dig with it where Maggie had sat, struggling at first with how hard the ground was, hissing as splinters ate into her hand.
When she was satisfied with the depth she turned to Helena and gestured into the little grave.
Maggie moved, first her leg, then she let go of Helena’s wrists. Maggie said she knew Helena was scared. Said she could not keep the trappings of this place—whatever that meant. Maggie said leave him—Mousey—here. Maggie said she had new friends now. Maggie said if she was good, she could get a doll, a doll that looked like her, if she was good, and if she buried Mousey. maggie was nice. Nice nice nice. Because Maggie was getting her a doll, even after what she had done. Then Maggie said carrying around Mousey was dirty. Mousey could make her sick. So they had to bury him.
Maggie stood up. Went walking around the cellar. Then she picked up the stick. The one Sister Olga used sometimes, when she made too much noise down here, or when she fought going down the stairs more than usual. Maybe Maggie would hit her with it, because carrying Mousey was dirty, and dirty was bad, and bad meant she got hit. Usually. Sister Olga hit her. The other nuns hit her sometimes. But not Maggie. Not yet. Maybe she would start now.
Whimpering, she scooted closer to the wall. She could move her arms now, again. So back around her head they went. Her heac went down, and she buried her face behind her knees, pressing her nose into her dress. But nothing happened. Nothing except a funny scraping sound. Helena looked up. Maggie was digging in the dirt with the stick. Maybe she would not hit her. Her friend pointed to the hole. Helena crawled over. Opened her hand and watched as the little bits of mousey bones fell into the hole. “Bye, bye, mousey. Bye, bye.”
As Helena scurried away as the jagged point of the broom handle dug intot he earth, Maggie gave a small smile to the dark. When she’d seen the chunk of wood, shaped nearly like a stake, her prayers had been answered. Yes, she’d wanted to dig a small hole, but she also wanted to see what would happen if she approached Helena, when the girl was in an incredibly sstresssed state, with what looked like a weapon. A weapon she may well have been struck with before.
Maggie had wanted to see which way the girl went - would she cower in fear or would she fight back, much like she finally had with Olga. She’d really had absolutely no idea which way it as going to go, bracing herself for impending violence whilst hoping to avoid it.
So, Helena wasn’t so crazy as to risk not leaving this place. She must have known that to attack Maggie now would be the end of ever leaving this convent, of ever leaving the cellar. She resisted still, retreating as much as she dared but when Maggie did nothing but dig, not even bothering to look at her as she toiled, the rustle of fabric suggested the girl was uncurling, the soft scrape of her pulling herself across the floor and then once more she was in Maggie’s peripheral vision, one small fist hovering over the hole Maggie had made, the tiny bones falling from it’s hold and bouncing against the ground, Maggie sweeping the clumps of earth over the top swiftly before Helena could change her mind, resting her palms agaisnt the raised dirt and pressing it into place.
"Mouse," she intoned seriously, "you shall be missed, and thought of and may your spark of life have passed on into a new being the Lord graces the earth with. You were a good friend to my Little One, but now we must go."
She turned to Helena. The girl had passed the first of many tests
"Are you ready to leave all this behind?"
Helena watched, head tilted, as Maggie the hole back up. She flinched as the last of the dirt fell in, but clasped her hands together. Mousey was gone. Mousey was dead. Mousey was dead for a long, long time, and did not know he was in the dark. Mousey was gone, and she would have a new friend soon. One that did not scare people. One that was not dirty. One that was not bad.
Maggie said nice things about Mousey. Said Mousey would be missed. Said Mousey’s spark of life would make something else alive. Said Mousey was a good frirnd. Said my little one, which maybe meant her. That would be nice, if it did, because it sounded nice. Maggie said they had to go.
Mousey was gone and it was bad to carry him—but she sniffled anyway as she patted the hole. “Bye bye, Mousey. I miss you..” She wanted to say Mousey made her feel warm and not afraid and happy, but the only word she could think of was love, and the sisters only ever said love to God, and Jesus, and the Holy Mother, so maybe it was bad to say love to Mousey. Maybe she could ask Tomas, or Maggie, later.
"Yes." Helena nodded. "Yes. Am ready." She stood up. Reached for Maggie’s hand. Her stomach twisted. "Maggie? I’m sorry I was bad. About Mousey. I’m sorry I hurt your wrist." Dhe chewed her lip. "We have to tell Tomas I was bad?" Maybe he would decide he did not want to take her with them anymore, because she was bad.mThinking about it made her want to start rocking agsin.
Maggie let the girl wrap her little hand around Maggie's own, used the hold to tug the girl to her feet, using her free hand to pat the dirt and dust from first her own clothing, and then the girl's, Maggie's actions futile as the dirt smeared across their garments, ground into the weave at the knees of MAggie's trousers and caked across her hands, thick beneath her fingernails.
"We do have to tell Tomas," she said as she collected up the strewn socks and shoes, dropped in Helena's panic,. Tomas will need to know how you behave so he can best support you in your life, best support you to devote your behaviour, your every act to The Lord. Just as there can no secrets between you and our Lord, there can be no secrets between family. I will be with you, but Helena, you must speak with him, or I shall."
Walking back to the stairs, she motioned for Helena to sit upon the bottom rung; it wasn't like the grubby planking could make her dress any more filthy.
"Now, put on your shoes and socks and let us leave this place. We must speak with Tomas, see what we can do about Boris." She watched as Helena tugged on her socks and shoes mullishly,
"There will be questions when we go back upstairs, questions as to why we are so dirty, why we have been so long. I shall answer any questions of that nature. You are to go straight to Tomas. I shall speak with Olga."
She held out her hand once more to pull Helena to her feet and gestured to the door, still holding the trembling gir's hand.
"Come, we must collect your things."
maggiesmind:“ helenatheferalangel:“ maggiesmind:“ maggiesmind:“ The child was…well, Maggie wasn’t quite sure just what she was doing.She’d looked unsure, hesitant even at revealing her secret to…
Oh good Lord above. Maggie had expected the child to be disturbed; she had no illusions, no child brought up out here in the solitude, with no other children for miles, with women that had never wanted to care for her was ever going to be well-adjusted, but this?
Talking mouse bones? that she dug up? Killing and trying to eat the rats, that was understandable. Disgusting, yes, but understandable - it was hardly something someone would do for fun, the girl had been starving. The talking to them, okay, that was strange but the talking to them afterwards having ripped out and eaten chunks of their flesh?
Helena was even more disturbed than she’d even thought to imagine, It could make her dangerous, not only to herself but to Maggie, Tomas, their order and the mission. She was unhinged.
Maggie’s upper lip curled in disgust at the thought of what else might be in those pockets, what rotting thing might be curled up in a corner of her clothing.
She reminded Maggie of Lennie from Of Mice And Men, all watery-eyed innocence and accidental violence. If this was how Helena treated her ‘friends’, what would she do to Maggie or Tomas if they were to upset her?
Holding out her hand, Maggie laid it out, palm up and fingers together.
"Give me the mouse Helena," she ordered, beckoning with her fingers. "There is to be no more of this, do you understand?" Maggie crouched, still keeping her grip on Helena’s hand while holding the other out, and caught HElena’s gaze. "I’m not angry. I’m still your friend, but I want you to give me the mouse bones right now,." When Helena didn’t hand over the grusome trophy, Maggie frowned.
"We are burying your mouse friend here and leaving. Do you understand? You must leave this behaviour here where it belongs. It is not going to be tolerated. We will dig a grave here and say a prayer and then we shall never, ever speak of it again."
Maggie was not angry about the rats. Almost she smiled. Maggie would still be her friend. She could still make a family with her and Tomas. And maybe Boris.
Then Maggie said give the mouse bones. Maggie said no more. Maggie said she wan’t angry-but maybe that was not true, because Maggie said give me the mouse bones. Said right now. Said bury. Said say a prayer which they could not do because mouse baby had no soul.
"No!" Helena shook her head, fingers closing over the mouse bones—but careful, so she wouldn’t squash them. "No no no." She wrenched her hand away from Maggie’s and ran to the empty corner. Crouching against the wall, she drew her knees to her chest, both hands now cupping the mouse bones. "No," she whimpered, "No, no, no." Slowly, she rocked back and forth. "No! No put mouse baby in the ground. In the dark. No. No. No!"
Most of the times, she knew mouse baby was not real anymore. She knew mouse baby was dead. She knew it was her talking, and not mouse baby. But sometimes, she forgot. Sometimes, she firgot mouse baby had no eyes, and did not know if it was daytime or nighttime, did not know if it was light or dark, did not know amything. And sometimes, she forgot mouse baby did not have a mouth, or a tongue, and couldn’t taste the little bits of food she hid in her pocket. Sometimes, she forgot that mouse baby did not miss her, when it was not in the pocket of the dress she wore, like she missed it. Sometimes, she forgot that mouse baby could not see what she saw, taste what she tasted, feel what she felt, when she held it.
Sometimes, she forgot mouse baby was not her friend.
Sometimes, she forgot mouse baby was not real.
And now probably Maggie was angry at her, for forgetting.
For not doing what she said.
For not letting her put mouse baby in the dirt, in the dark, because mouse bsby was not real, was not real, was not real.
Now Maggie would leave Helrna here and it would be all Helena’s fault.
Her arms wrapped around her head as she rocked, faster now. She screamed, and cried, screamed and cried, as her hands, now fists instead of a cup for mouse baby, pounded against the cellar wall. Over and over she hit the wall, till her skin tore and bled, till mouse baby was dust against her skin, and as she hit the wall, she screamed and cried, till her throat burned, because maybe—maybe—if Maggie saw how sorry she was—how very very very very sorry sorry sorry she was—she would take Helena with her.
Maggie hissed in pain as Helena wrenched her hand away, falling forward onto her knees as the girl pulled her off balance as she fled to one of the other corners, whimpering nonsense about ‘not real’ and ‘her friend’ and ‘angry’.
Maggie watched as Helena unraveled, as she curled in on herself and screamed. Screamed as though she were being murdered, screamed as though she were dying and wanted the world to know her pain, screamed as though she already knew her knew ‘friend’s’ plans for her, as though she knew what fate awaited her.
Screamed until Maggie thought her ears would bleed and helena’s voice would break.
And Maggie let her. Let her until she could stand it no more.
”STOP!” She bellowed. “Stop that now.” Maggie rocked hersel back to her feet and crossed to Helena, using her superior strength and weight to pin the girl’s legs with her knees and wrestling her arms still, pinning them to the wall by Helena’s head, her previously neat hair matted and wild, her eyes wide as screams still tore from her throat.
Unafraid, Maggie leant in close, near nose to nose, going damned near crossed-eyed from the promiity and took a deep breath, filling her lungs until her chest hurt and then she too screamed.
She yelled as loud as she could as long as she could until she thought her lungs would collapse on themselves and then she hauled in air to do it again. It burned, the taste of iron on her tongue telling her her throat was close to bleeding but she merely pitched her scream higher, uncaring.
Panting for breath she pressed harder again on Helena’s wrists.
"Anything you can do, HElena, I can do better. You hurt my wrist pulling away like that, I can break yours. You make such a scene and scream and shame yourself, then I shall scream too. You will not be allowed to behave like this with us. All I ask of you is to leave behind the trappings of this place. You had no other friends and so you had mousey. but now oyu have tomas and I. and we were going to try to take boris too."
Maggie gently drew back on the pressue on Helena’s wrists but didn’t let go.
"I was going to tell you that we could, when we returned to your new home, take you to a special store and let you pick a doll, a new friend of your own to talk to that would not scare people like the mouse. But perhaps we shall not do this now. But we shall bury mousy. You may carry the memory of mousey. but that is all”
Lord above her throat hurt now. And there was no way in Heaven that they had not been heard. But then, this was likely not the first such time that Helena had sat down here and screamed and screamed until she were sick.
Nobody had cared then.
Maggie yelled stop. Yelled stop that now. But she couldn’t. Maggie had to see, Maggie had to see, Maggie had to see. Maggie got vey very very close. Put her leg in front of Helena’s knees. Grabbed her wrists and made her hands set against the wall. Then Maggie screamed. Maggie screamed very loud! Finally, when her friend screamed, she stopped screaming herself. Helena stared, mouth open. When Maggie screamed, she did not mind that her friend was close, too close, that she could not move her legs, or her hands, because Maggie’s screaming—almost—made her not think about it. Maggie was like her. Maggie screamed too.
Then Maggie screamed again maggie screamed very very very high. That hurt her ears! Helena flinched, but still could not move her hands. Then Maggie swueezed her wrists, hard, and Maggie—somehow—talked. Her friend said whatever you can do, I can do better. Said break your wrists. Said scream and shame yourself. Said I will scream too. Maggie thought she was bad for screaming. She did not say anything about the hitting, so maybe she understood Helena was trying to say sorry.
But not with the screaming. That was bad. Because Maggie said scream and shame and shame meant the knot in your stomach and the hot face you got whrn you did something bad, so screaming was bad, because it made the shame happen. Maggie said a lot of other things, too, some that did not make sense—special store and doll—and some that did—not be allowed to behave like this and bury mousey.
Panting, she watched Maggie. Her friend said she could brewk Helena’s wrists. Not that she would. And she said maybe they would not go to the special store and get the doll now. And she said they were going to try to take Boris, so maybe they would not do that now, also. That was not nice. But she had screamed and shamed herself, so maybe—probably—she did not deserve the doll, and taking Boris.
Maggie said they would bury mousey.
Helena swallowed. Nodded. “Yes, Maggie. I’m sorry. We bury mousey.” She chewed her lip. “Maybe is nothing to bury. I squished mouse baby’s bones. I’m sorry.” Maybe Maggie would be angry about that, too, because now she could not do what she was supposed to. But Maggie had not let go—and her neck did not want to move, so she could not bang her head to show Maggie she was sorry—and probably Maggie would think she was being bad again and she would be more angry—so she said, “I’m sorry,” again. Maybe that would be enough.
Maggie narrowed her eyes at her new charge, assessing her for lies, her face mostly obscured in the dark, swallowing several times as she caught her breath, trying to get a read on whether Helena was being honest.
Something about her eyes, the exhaustion, the lines etched deep into skin that was too young to have such wrinkles, the fear that kept Helena’s breath shallow and fast convinced Maggie, and she shifted her weight, freeing the girl’s legs first and waiting to see if the kicking and flailing was going to start again. She lessened the pressure on thin wrists, letting them free of the walls, but keeping a hold of them, folding Helena’s arms downwards and into her lap before letting go completely and shifting to sit on the packed earth beside her, letting her head flop back against the wall and rolling her head to the side.
"I know you are scared. I know you are leaving behind a lot. But you cannot keep the trappings of this place. Mouse was your friend here. And he must stay here. You have other friends now."
"Mouse is dead, you cannot carry around dead creatures. it can be…" Maggie doubted the girl knew what unsanitary meant. "It can be dirty, can make you sick. Cannot do it anymore. But if you are good. IF you bury Mouse. I shall buy you a doll. A nice one. one that looks like you. You can give it a name and carry it around and play with it. Just not mouse."
Not waiting for Helena to say anything, Maggie got up and started slowly looking around the cellar for something to use, finally finding what looked like a broken broom shaft, the broken end relatively pointy, and moving over to HElena, and starting to dig with it where Maggie had sat, struggling at first with how hard the ground was, hissing as splinters ate into her hand.
When she was satisfied with the depth she turned to Helena and gestured into the little grave.
Maggie moved, first her leg, then she let go of Helena’s wrists. Maggie said she knew Helena was scared. Said she could not keep the trappings of this place—whatever that meant. Maggie said leave him—Mousey—here. Maggie said she had new friends now. Maggie said if she was good, she could get a doll, a doll that looked like her, if she was good, and if she buried Mousey. maggie was nice. Nice nice nice. Because Maggie was getting her a doll, even after what she had done. Then Maggie said carrying around Mousey was dirty. Mousey could make her sick. So they had to bury him.
Maggie stood up. Went walking around the cellar. Then she picked up the stick. The one Sister Olga used sometimes, when she made too much noise down here, or when she fought going down the stairs more than usual. Maybe Maggie would hit her with it, because carrying Mousey was dirty, and dirty was bad, and bad meant she got hit. Usually. Sister Olga hit her. The other nuns hit her sometimes. But not Maggie. Not yet. Maybe she would start now.
Whimpering, she scooted closer to the wall. She could move her arms now, again. So back around her head they went. Her heac went down, and she buried her face behind her knees, pressing her nose into her dress. But nothing happened. Nothing except a funny scraping sound. Helena looked up. Maggie was digging in the dirt with the stick. Maybe she would not hit her. Her friend pointed to the hole. Helena crawled over. Opened her hand and watched as the little bits of mousey bones fell into the hole. “Bye, bye, mousey. Bye, bye.”
As Helena scurried away as the jagged point of the broom handle dug intot he earth, Maggie gave a small smile to the dark. When she'd seen the chunk of wood, shaped nearly like a stake, her prayers had been answered. Yes, she'd wanted to dig a small hole, but she also wanted to see what would happen if she approached Helena, when the girl was in an incredibly sstresssed state, with what looked like a weapon. A weapon she may well have been struck with before.
Maggie had wanted to see which way the girl went - would she cower in fear or would she fight back, much like she finally had with Olga. She'd really had absolutely no idea which way it as going to go, bracing herself for impending violence whilst hoping to avoid it.
So, Helena wasn't so crazy as to risk not leaving this place. She must have known that to attack Maggie now would be the end of ever leaving this convent, of ever leaving the cellar. She resisted still, retreating as much as she dared but when Maggie did nothing but dig, not even bothering to look at her as she toiled, the rustle of fabric suggested the girl was uncurling, the soft scrape of her pulling herself across the floor and then once more she was in Maggie's peripheral vision, one small fist hovering over the hole Maggie had made, the tiny bones falling from it's hold and bouncing against the ground, Maggie sweeping the clumps of earth over the top swiftly before Helena could change her mind, resting her palms agaisnt the raised dirt and pressing it into place.
"Mouse," she intoned seriously, "you shall be missed, and thought of and may your spark of life have passed on into a new being the Lord graces the earth with. You were a good friend to my Little One, but now we must go."
She turned to Helena. The girl had passed the first of many tests
"Are you ready to leave all this behind?"
maggiesmind:“ helenatheferalangel:“ maggiesmind:“ maggiesmind:“ The child was…well, Maggie wasn’t quite sure just what she was doing.She’d looked unsure, hesitant even at revealing her secret to…
Oh good Lord above. Maggie had expected the child to be disturbed; she had no illusions, no child brought up out here in the solitude, with no other children for miles, with women that had never wanted to care for her was ever going to be well-adjusted, but this?
Talking mouse bones? that she dug up? Killing and trying to eat the rats, that was understandable. Disgusting, yes, but understandable - it was hardly something someone would do for fun, the girl had been starving. The talking to them, okay, that was strange but the talking to them afterwards having ripped out and eaten chunks of their flesh?
Helena was even more disturbed than she’d even thought to imagine, It could make her dangerous, not only to herself but to Maggie, Tomas, their order and the mission. She was unhinged.
Maggie’s upper lip curled in disgust at the thought of what else might be in those pockets, what rotting thing might be curled up in a corner of her clothing.
She reminded Maggie of Lennie from Of Mice And Men, all watery-eyed innocence and accidental violence. If this was how Helena treated her ‘friends’, what would she do to Maggie or Tomas if they were to upset her?
Holding out her hand, Maggie laid it out, palm up and fingers together.
"Give me the mouse Helena," she ordered, beckoning with her fingers. "There is to be no more of this, do you understand?" Maggie crouched, still keeping her grip on Helena’s hand while holding the other out, and caught HElena’s gaze. "I’m not angry. I’m still your friend, but I want you to give me the mouse bones right now,." When Helena didn’t hand over the grusome trophy, Maggie frowned.
"We are burying your mouse friend here and leaving. Do you understand? You must leave this behaviour here where it belongs. It is not going to be tolerated. We will dig a grave here and say a prayer and then we shall never, ever speak of it again."
Maggie was not angry about the rats. Almost she smiled. Maggie would still be her friend. She could still make a family with her and Tomas. And maybe Boris.
Then Maggie said give the mouse bones. Maggie said no more. Maggie said she wan’t angry-but maybe that was not true, because Maggie said give me the mouse bones. Said right now. Said bury. Said say a prayer which they could not do because mouse baby had no soul.
"No!" Helena shook her head, fingers closing over the mouse bones—but careful, so she wouldn’t squash them. "No no no." She wrenched her hand away from Maggie’s and ran to the empty corner. Crouching against the wall, she drew her knees to her chest, both hands now cupping the mouse bones. "No," she whimpered, "No, no, no." Slowly, she rocked back and forth. "No! No put mouse baby in the ground. In the dark. No. No. No!"
Most of the times, she knew mouse baby was not real anymore. She knew mouse baby was dead. She knew it was her talking, and not mouse baby. But sometimes, she forgot. Sometimes, she firgot mouse baby had no eyes, and did not know if it was daytime or nighttime, did not know if it was light or dark, did not know amything. And sometimes, she forgot mouse baby did not have a mouth, or a tongue, and couldn’t taste the little bits of food she hid in her pocket. Sometimes, she forgot that mouse baby did not miss her, when it was not in the pocket of the dress she wore, like she missed it. Sometimes, she forgot that mouse baby could not see what she saw, taste what she tasted, feel what she felt, when she held it.
Sometimes, she forgot mouse baby was not her friend.
Sometimes, she forgot mouse baby was not real.
And now probably Maggie was angry at her, for forgetting.
For not doing what she said.
For not letting her put mouse baby in the dirt, in the dark, because mouse bsby was not real, was not real, was not real.
Now Maggie would leave Helrna here and it would be all Helena’s fault.
Her arms wrapped around her head as she rocked, faster now. She screamed, and cried, screamed and cried, as her hands, now fists instead of a cup for mouse baby, pounded against the cellar wall. Over and over she hit the wall, till her skin tore and bled, till mouse baby was dust against her skin, and as she hit the wall, she screamed and cried, till her throat burned, because maybe—maybe—if Maggie saw how sorry she was—how very very very very sorry sorry sorry she was—she would take Helena with her.
Maggie hissed in pain as Helena wrenched her hand away, falling forward onto her knees as the girl pulled her off balance as she fled to one of the other corners, whimpering nonsense about ‘not real’ and ‘her friend’ and ‘angry’.
Maggie watched as Helena unraveled, as she curled in on herself and screamed. Screamed as though she were being murdered, screamed as though she were dying and wanted the world to know her pain, screamed as though she already knew her knew ‘friend’s’ plans for her, as though she knew what fate awaited her.
Screamed until Maggie thought her ears would bleed and helena’s voice would break.
And Maggie let her. Let her until she could stand it no more.
”STOP!” She bellowed. “Stop that now.” Maggie rocked hersel back to her feet and crossed to Helena, using her superior strength and weight to pin the girl’s legs with her knees and wrestling her arms still, pinning them to the wall by Helena’s head, her previously neat hair matted and wild, her eyes wide as screams still tore from her throat.
Unafraid, Maggie leant in close, near nose to nose, going damned near crossed-eyed from the promiity and took a deep breath, filling her lungs until her chest hurt and then she too screamed.
She yelled as loud as she could as long as she could until she thought her lungs would collapse on themselves and then she hauled in air to do it again. It burned, the taste of iron on her tongue telling her her throat was close to bleeding but she merely pitched her scream higher, uncaring.
Panting for breath she pressed harder again on Helena’s wrists.
"Anything you can do, HElena, I can do better. You hurt my wrist pulling away like that, I can break yours. You make such a scene and scream and shame yourself, then I shall scream too. You will not be allowed to behave like this with us. All I ask of you is to leave behind the trappings of this place. You had no other friends and so you had mousey. but now oyu have tomas and I. and we were going to try to take boris too."
Maggie gently drew back on the pressue on Helena’s wrists but didn’t let go.
"I was going to tell you that we could, when we returned to your new home, take you to a special store and let you pick a doll, a new friend of your own to talk to that would not scare people like the mouse. But perhaps we shall not do this now. But we shall bury mousy. You may carry the memory of mousey. but that is all”
Lord above her throat hurt now. And there was no way in Heaven that they had not been heard. But then, this was likely not the first such time that Helena had sat down here and screamed and screamed until she were sick.
Nobody had cared then.
Maggie yelled stop. Yelled stop that now. But she couldn’t. Maggie had to see, Maggie had to see, Maggie had to see. Maggie got vey very very close. Put her leg in front of Helena’s knees. Grabbed her wrists and made her hands set against the wall. Then Maggie screamed. Maggie screamed very loud! Finally, when her friend screamed, she stopped screaming herself. Helena stared, mouth open. When Maggie screamed, she did not mind that her friend was close, too close, that she could not move her legs, or her hands, because Maggie’s screaming—almost—made her not think about it. Maggie was like her. Maggie screamed too.
Then Maggie screamed again maggie screamed very very very high. That hurt her ears! Helena flinched, but still could not move her hands. Then Maggie swueezed her wrists, hard, and Maggie—somehow—talked. Her friend said whatever you can do, I can do better. Said break your wrists. Said scream and shame yourself. Said I will scream too. Maggie thought she was bad for screaming. She did not say anything about the hitting, so maybe she understood Helena was trying to say sorry.
But not with the screaming. That was bad. Because Maggie said scream and shame and shame meant the knot in your stomach and the hot face you got whrn you did something bad, so screaming was bad, because it made the shame happen. Maggie said a lot of other things, too, some that did not make sense—special store and doll—and some that did—not be allowed to behave like this and bury mousey.
Panting, she watched Maggie. Her friend said she could brewk Helena’s wrists. Not that she would. And she said maybe they would not go to the special store and get the doll now. And she said they were going to try to take Boris, so maybe they would not do that now, also. That was not nice. But she had screamed and shamed herself, so maybe—probably—she did not deserve the doll, and taking Boris.
Maggie said they would bury mousey.
Helena swallowed. Nodded. “Yes, Maggie. I’m sorry. We bury mousey.” She chewed her lip. “Maybe is nothing to bury. I squished mouse baby’s bones. I’m sorry.” Maybe Maggie would be angry about that, too, because now she could not do what she was supposed to. But Maggie had not let go—and her neck did not want to move, so she could not bang her head to show Maggie she was sorry—and probably Maggie would think she was being bad again and she would be more angry—so she said, “I’m sorry,” again. Maybe that would be enough.
Maggie narrowed her eyes at her new charge, assessing her for lies, her face mostly obscured in the dark, swallowing several times as she caught her breath, trying to get a read on whether Helena was being honest.
Something about her eyes, the exhaustion, the lines etched deep into skin that was too young to have such wrinkles, the fear that kept Helena's breath shallow and fast convinced Maggie, and she shifted her weight, freeing the girl's legs first and waiting to see if the kicking and flailing was going to start again. She lessened the pressure on thin wrists, letting them free of the walls, but keeping a hold of them, folding Helena's arms downwards and into her lap before letting go completely and shifting to sit on the packed earth beside her, letting her head flop back against the wall and rolling her head to the side.
"I know you are scared. I know you are leaving behind a lot. But you cannot keep the trappings of this place. Mouse was your friend here. And he must stay here. You have other friends now."
"Mouse is dead, you cannot carry around dead creatures. it can be..." Maggie doubted the girl knew what unsanitary meant. "It can be dirty, can make you sick. Cannot do it anymore. But if you are good. IF you bury Mouse. I shall buy you a doll. A nice one. one that looks like you. You can give it a name and carry it around and play with it. Just not mouse."
Not waiting for Helena to say anything, Maggie got up and started slowly looking around the cellar for something to use, finally finding what looked like a broken broom shaft, the broken end relatively pointy, and moving over to HElena, and starting to dig with it where Maggie had sat, struggling at first with how hard the ground was, hissing as splinters ate into her hand.
When she was satisfied with the depth she turned to Helena and gestured into the little grave.
maggiesmind:“ helenatheferalangel:“ maggiesmind:“ maggiesmind: “ The child was…well, Maggie wasn’t quite sure just what she was doing. She’d looked unsure, hesitant even at revealing her secret to…
Oh good Lord above. Maggie had expected the child to be disturbed; she had no illusions, no child brought up out here in the solitude, with no other children for miles, with women that had never wanted to care for her was ever going to be well-adjusted, but this?
Talking mouse bones? that she dug up? Killing and trying to eat the rats, that was understandable. Disgusting, yes, but understandable - it was hardly something someone would do for fun, the girl had been starving. The talking to them, okay, that was strange but the talking to them afterwards having ripped out and eaten chunks of their flesh?
Helena was even more disturbed than she’d even thought to imagine, It could make her dangerous, not only to herself but to Maggie, Tomas, their order and the mission. She was unhinged.
Maggie’s upper lip curled in disgust at the thought of what else might be in those pockets, what rotting thing might be curled up in a corner of her clothing.
She reminded Maggie of Lennie from Of Mice And Men, all watery-eyed innocence and accidental violence. If this was how Helena treated her ‘friends’, what would she do to Maggie or Tomas if they were to upset her?
Holding out her hand, Maggie laid it out, palm up and fingers together.
"Give me the mouse Helena," she ordered, beckoning with her fingers. "There is to be no more of this, do you understand?" Maggie crouched, still keeping her grip on Helena’s hand while holding the other out, and caught HElena’s gaze. "I’m not angry. I’m still your friend, but I want you to give me the mouse bones right now,." When Helena didn’t hand over the grusome trophy, Maggie frowned.
"We are burying your mouse friend here and leaving. Do you understand? You must leave this behaviour here where it belongs. It is not going to be tolerated. We will dig a grave here and say a prayer and then we shall never, ever speak of it again."
Maggie was not angry about the rats. Almost she smiled. Maggie would still be her friend. She could still make a family with her and Tomas. And maybe Boris.
Then Maggie said give the mouse bones. Maggie said no more. Maggie said she wan’t angry-but maybe that was not true, because Maggie said give me the mouse bones. Said right now. Said bury. Said say a prayer which they could not do because mouse baby had no soul.
"No!" Helena shook her head, fingers closing over the mouse bones—but careful, so she wouldn’t squash them. "No no no." She wrenched her hand away from Maggie’s and ran to the empty corner. Crouching against the wall, she drew her knees to her chest, both hands now cupping the mouse bones. "No," she whimpered, "No, no, no." Slowly, she rocked back and forth. "No! No put mouse baby in the ground. In the dark. No. No. No!"
Most of the times, she knew mouse baby was not real anymore. She knew mouse baby was dead. She knew it was her talking, and not mouse baby. But sometimes, she forgot. Sometimes, she firgot mouse baby had no eyes, and did not know if it was daytime or nighttime, did not know if it was light or dark, did not know amything. And sometimes, she forgot mouse baby did not have a mouth, or a tongue, and couldn’t taste the little bits of food she hid in her pocket. Sometimes, she forgot that mouse baby did not miss her, when it was not in the pocket of the dress she wore, like she missed it. Sometimes, she forgot that mouse baby could not see what she saw, taste what she tasted, feel what she felt, when she held it.
Sometimes, she forgot mouse baby was not her friend.
Sometimes, she forgot mouse baby was not real.
And now probably Maggie was angry at her, for forgetting.
For not doing what she said.
For not letting her put mouse baby in the dirt, in the dark, because mouse bsby was not real, was not real, was not real.
Now Maggie would leave Helrna here and it would be all Helena’s fault.
Her arms wrapped around her head as she rocked, faster now. She screamed, and cried, screamed and cried, as her hands, now fists instead of a cup for mouse baby, pounded against the cellar wall. Over and over she hit the wall, till her skin tore and bled, till mouse baby was dust against her skin, and as she hit the wall, she screamed and cried, till her throat burned, because maybe—maybe—if Maggie saw how sorry she was—how very very very very sorry sorry sorry she was—she would take Helena with her.
Maggie hissed in pain as Helena wrenched her hand away, falling forward onto her knees as the girl pulled her off balance as she fled to one of the other corners, whimpering nonsense about 'not real' and 'her friend' and 'angry'.
Maggie watched as Helena unraveled, as she curled in on herself and screamed. Screamed as though she were being murdered, screamed as though she were dying and wanted the world to know her pain, screamed as though she already knew her knew 'friend's' plans for her, as though she knew what fate awaited her.
Screamed until Maggie thought her ears would bleed and helena's voice would break.
And Maggie let her. Let her until she could stand it no more.
"STOP!" She bellowed. "Stop that now." Maggie rocked hersel back to her feet and crossed to Helena, using her superior strength and weight to pin the girl's legs with her knees and wrestling her arms still, pinning them to the wall by Helena's head, her previously neat hair matted and wild, her eyes wide as screams still tore from her throat.
Unafraid, Maggie leant in close, near nose to nose, going damned near crossed-eyed from the promiity and took a deep breath, filling her lungs until her chest hurt and then she too screamed.
She yelled as loud as she could as long as she could until she thought her lungs would collapse on themselves and then she hauled in air to do it again. It burned, the taste of iron on her tongue telling her her throat was close to bleeding but she merely pitched her scream higher, uncaring.
Panting for breath she pressed harder again on Helena's wrists.
"Anything you can do, HElena, I can do better. You hurt my wrist pulling away like that, I can break yours. You make such a scene and scream and shame yourself, then I shall scream too. You will not be allowed to behave like this with us. All I ask of you is to leave behind the trappings of this place. You had no other friends and so you had mousey. but now oyu have tomas and I. and we were going to try to take boris too."
Maggie gently drew back on the pressue on Helena's wrists but didn't let go.
"I was going to tell you that we could, when we returned to your new home, take you to a special store and let you pick a doll, a new friend of your own to talk to that would not scare people like the mouse. But perhaps we shall not do this now. But we shall bury mousy. You may carry the memory of mousey. but that is all"
Lord above her throat hurt now. And there was no way in Heaven that they had not been heard. But then, this was likely not the first such time that Helena had sat down here and screamed and screamed until she were sick.
Nobody had cared then.
maggiesmind:“ helenatheferalangel: “ maggiesmind: “ maggiesmind: “ The child was…well, Maggie wasn’t quite sure just what she was doing. She’d looked unsure, hesitant even at revealing her secret to...
Oh good Lord above. Maggie had expected the child to be disturbed; she had no illusions, no child brought up out here in the solitude, with no other children for miles, with women that had never wanted to care for her was ever going to be well-adjusted, but this?
Talking mouse bones? that she dug up? Killing and trying to eat the rats, that was understandable. Disgusting, yes, but understandable - it was hardly something someone would do for fun, the girl had been starving. The talking to them, okay, that was strange but the talking to them afterwards having ripped out and eaten chunks of their flesh?
Helena was even more disturbed than she'd even thought to imagine, It could make her dangerous, not only to herself but to Maggie, Tomas, their order and the mission. She was unhinged.
Maggie's upper lip curled in disgust at the thought of what else might be in those pockets, what rotting thing might be curled up in a corner of her clothing.
She reminded Maggie of Lennie from Of Mice And Men, all watery-eyed innocence and accidental violence. If this was how Helena treated her 'friends', what would she do to Maggie or Tomas if they were to upset her?
Holding out her hand, Maggie laid it out, palm up and fingers together.
"Give me the mouse Helena," she ordered, beckoning with her fingers. "There is to be no more of this, do you understand?" Maggie crouched, still keeping her grip on Helena's hand while holding the other out, and caught HElena's gaze. "I'm not angry. I'm still your friend, but I want you to give me the mouse bones right now,." When Helena didn't hand over the grusome trophy, Maggie frowned.
"We are burying your mouse friend here and leaving. Do you understand? You must leave this behaviour here where it belongs. It is not going to be tolerated. We will dig a grave here and say a prayer and then we shall never, ever speak of it again."
Maggie watched the lambs for a while as Helena hauled herself up. IT felt so freeing toMaggie watched the lambs for a while as Helena hauled herself up. IT felt so freeing to swing her feet in the air, aware but uncaring that endless splinters were working into the fabric of her trousers
The girl wanted to take Boris.
That could be fun.
But that was only what HElena wanted her to believe. The girl was anxious to leave this place, something Maggie could well see and agree with, but she was also scared of a world she’d seen nothing of, scared of these two strangers she’d never heard of before taking her away from the only place she’d ever known. It certainly wasn’t a home, it wasn’t a nice place, but it was what she knew and she was clinging to the one thing that made it bearable.
"It’s okay Helena, to say that you’re nervous about leaving. Or that you would miss Boris when you leave. It’s okayy to say that you are going to be sad to leave here, even i you are happy to leave with TOmas and I" Maggie smiled at HElena, slowly raising a hand from the fence post to pet HElena’s hair gently, movements soft and slow, aiming to soothe rather than upset the girl.
"It can be scary to follow the Lord’s call, to do his good work and to go where He needs you. The Lord needs you to be brave, but brave doesn’t mean that you are not scared. It just means you are scared but determined to go anyway."
A happy yapping sounded behind them, Boris boucning along the path, ears looking ridiucolous as he bounded along towards them, tail waving, He really was quite cute.
"And I can see what can be done about taking Boris if you truly wish that."
They’d have to go back at some point, but right now she felt she was makinga real connection to the girl and it was best to stay outside. The slam of a heavy door had Maggie’s head whirling towards the sound and when she caught sight of Tomas’ silhouette in the doorway, she used her free heand to wave him back inside.
They were not to be disturbed.
She tipped her head and listened to Maggie. Her new friend talked a lot. But that was alright. Her voice was nice. Soft. Soothing. Like the music on the radio she heard, sometimes from the walls, sometimes from the cellar. It always made her want to curl up and sleep. Maggie’s voice was like that. It wrapped around her like a blanket, keeping her warm and making her feel not scared.
The convent did not make her feel not scared.
For a long time, the convent did not make her feel not scared.
Sister Olga did not make her ferl not scared.
The other sisters did not make make her feel not scared.
Maggie made her feel not scared.
Maggie’s voice made her feel not scared.
Helena blinked and shook her head. It was rude to not listen when someone talked to you. Even if you did not underetand what was said. “Sorry. Did not mean to not pay attention.” That wasn’t an excuse, but maybe it was alright that she’d said it. Earlier, Maggie said she could always explain why she did something. Msybe that was still true. “Do not know what is nervous, Maggie. But am not sad. Want to go. Want to. But am scared, too. Have only been to village. At night. Not supposed to, but go anyway.” She hunched her shoulders. “Like watching the families.” This she said more to her dangling feet than Maggie.
Why was she saying this to Maggie? Her friend would not want to be her friend now that she knew how wicked Helena was. But it was a long, long time since Sister Olga took her to see Father Alexei, and if she told the nun the bad things she did, all she would get was punishment. Not absolution. And Sister Olga somehow always knew when she was bad anyway. Maggie couldn’t help her get God’s forgiveness either, but at least her friend would not also punish her.
Maybe.
She watched Maggie’s hand, but her friend only moved it to her hair and pet it. This time, Helena’s lips almost curled up by themselves. Her friend said that she could be brave and also scared, as long as she did it anyway. “Can do this.” Shutting her eyes, so she could pay more attention to Maggie petting her hair, she scooted closer. It would be nice to sit in Maggie’s lap. But she was too big for that. Inside her head, she said, you’re not a baby, to herself. Even only sitting by Maggie was wonderful. Maybe Maggie would pet her hair all the times. Except for eating and sleeping and using the toilet and doing whatever it was God wanted her to do. Almost all the times.
Boris barked and her eyes flew open. The door slammed and she jerked away from Maggie, turning to look. Maybe she was too close. Maybe Sister Olga or one of the others knew she wanted to sit in Maggie’s lap, and they were coming to scold her. But when she looked, there was nobody there. Only Boris. She jumped down from the fence, picked up the dog, amd climbed back up. Maggie said it was okay—which sounded like it maybe meant allowed—if she said she was sad for leaving Boris. She cuddled the dog. “Will miss Boris. We are friends. Also.” She chewed her lip. Maggie knew almost everything else. She could know this, too. “Also I taught him to be bad dog, and he will not know how to be good dog, only bad, and Sister Olga will hurt him and it is my fault.”
Maybe Sister Olga could tell somehow, that it was her in the walls, or beside them, when Boris barked. Without her, he would maybe bark at nothing and be punished for being a bad dog. But it would be her fault, not his, because she taught him to. She rocked back and forth, petting Boris and trying not to think about it.
So the girl was able to sneak out. Stronger locks would most certainly be in order when they found a safe base for their training. Out here in the sticks it was one thing for the girl to sneak around and peep in people’s windows, but in a city, in an area with uncaring police and newspapers and prying eyes, the unsocialised creature would draw too much attention were she to be found playing peeping tom in the neighbourhood.
Maggie could hear the longing in her voice, the desire for normalcy and family. She’d never have that. Even were she and Tomas truly a pair just looking for a child, even were they trying to be a family, she’d still be prey for those that made her. Maggie knew that the surrogate that had birthed Helena was the one the Duncan’s had picked to carry the clone that would be their child. Even had they taken one of the other children, surely the Institute wouldn’t stop until they found their stolen property. And even were Tomas and Maggie not of the Prolethean order, there were others that were, that wouldn’t stop until the clones and those responsible were wiped from the earth. Though she had heard tales of the ‘new’ order in North America.
She’d heard of them spoken of in contempt, their ways unabashedly modern in some respects, often throwing off the shackles of the old ways. Tomas, in particular, spoke of them with derision. Chances were that they were going to require the aid of those in the new order, when Helena was trained, when Europe was cleansed.
But they too were likely concocting their own plans for the little lost copy.
No, Helena would never have a family, never have a normal life. Better that she be given the idea of one. It was good that she had no real idea of what family was, piecing it together from fragments of stolen glimpses. That would make it easier to manipulate her. Her faith in the Lord, and her desire to leave this hellish place would only make it smoother.
The girl’s attachment to Boris was almost, God help her, adorable. Maggie understood herself; ever since childhood she’d attached more to animals than people. And the wire-haired terrier was sort of sweet, in a yappy way as he squirmed in Helena’s arms as the girl struggled to bring him up onto the fence with them, arms cradled around the dog as though scared of breaking him before settling herself.
“I know you are scared to leave. The world is very different away from here. But there are many beautiful things to see and do. We shall travel to many new places, teaching the Lord’s blessings, taking his Light into the darkness.” Scritching the dog on the head, smiling as he wriggled happily, mouth hanging open as he panted, Maggie continued.
“I’ll tell you a secret. Sometimes I get scared. Sometimes, even Tomas gets scared. We visit so many new places, our mission is so great, our desire to please our Lord so great that we fear we’ll fail. But to be scared is no sin. We all get scared. But we all have each other. We have our faith. The Lord only asks that you try. That we try to be brave. And bravery doesn’t mean not being scared. It means that sometimes you will be afraid, but you try anyway. And now, Tomas and I will have you, and we will not be so scared. We will help you when you are frightened, just as your presence will help us.” Boris barked but he seemed perfectly happy where he was. Maggie chose to believe he was agreeing with her. “See, Boris understands. You know how sometimes Boris makes you feel not scared? Like having him makes it easier? That is how it is in family. The Sisters are not your family, though they have tried to care for you best they can, and so they do not help you feel not scared. But Tomas and I, we wish to be your family if you will let us. And we shall try to take Boris with us. Because he is your family too, and we do not want him punished by Olga. Tomas might be able to talk with her, allow us to take Boris.”
‘I certainly don’t wish to talk to her’, Maggie thought, ‘odious troll of a woman.’
“But now,” Maggie sighed. “Now we must go inside and gather your things together.” Maggie looked out over the field again. “Well, maybe on more minute and then you must take me to your room and we shall get you ready to leave.”
Helena nodded, listening to Maggie. It was nice to know her friend was afraid sometimes, too. And Tomas. She smiled again—it was getting easier to move her lips without thinking about it—as Maggie sad she was like Boris. She would make Tomas and Maggie not afraid, like Boris made her not afraid. That was very very very nice. And Boris agreed with Maggie, which was also nice.
And Maggie said it was alright to be afraid. That The Lord wanted her—and also Tomas and Maggie—to try to be brave, but it was alright to be afraid. “Thank you, Maggie.” She pet Boris more. Her friend said they would be a family, and maybe they could bring Boris too, because he was her family too, and Tomas could talk to Sister Olga and maybe they could bring Boris, so Sister Olga would not hurt him.
She glanced up. How long was another minute? Was she supposed to know? Maybe not. “What is another minute, Maggie?” Peering down at her bare feet, she sighed. Her things, she knew because Sister Olga told her once, meant her dress and her socks and her shoes, and her other dress, and her rosary beads and her Bible. Her shoes and socks were in the cellar. Everything else was in her room. Maybe she did not need her socks and shoes. If Maggie saw the cellar, saw where she had to stay when she was bad, maybe she would not want to be her friend anymore. But maybe she should ask, because mwybe Maggie meant all her things. “Socks and shoes in cellar. Do not need them, yes?”
Had the Sisters not even taught her that much? For all the love in Heaven she and Tomas had much work to do.
"It is a measurement of time, Little One. Each day is made up of 24 hours. and an hour is made of 60 minutes. each minute is 60 seconds. If you say ‘one alligator’ that is about one seconds worth of time." SHe stroked Helena’s hair again. "But isn’t important right now. Tomas and I will teach you."
What else hadn’t hte Sisters taught her? Did she even know her own body? Would Maggie…would Maggie have to have The Talk with her? That would be mortifying. Whilst she knew the Duncan’s intended the clones to be sterile she’d never seen anything to suggest whether the clones would still menstrate or not. Explaining to the girl she wasn’t going to bleed to death was ging to be a delight.
Tomas would certainly be of no help. Men never were with such matters.
"There is much we shall teach you when you leave here. But we have all the time," she chuckled, " in the world for that."
It wasn’t until Helena mentioned her shoes and socks that Maggie remembered that the girl was barefoot. Even the tops of her feet were fairly ffilthy so Heaven alone knew what the soles were like but she certainly couldn’t leave without her shoes. The walk back to Maggie’s lodgings was rough and they couldn’t risk her getting a cut or infection. Their trip would be long; an illness would be out of the question.
But there was something in Helena’s voice.
Fear.
Shame.
It wasn’t of her dirty feet, it was about the cellar. Something about the cellar that she didn’t want to see. Or perhaps didn’t want Maggie to see.
‘Ah’ Maggie thought, ‘her punishments.’
Maggie knew some of what Helena’s punishments had entailed, though she was sure that what Tomas had told her was a mere fraction of what Olga had told him, which was likely still a mere fraction of all that Olga had done. And Helena didn’t want Maggie to see that. So she had to make a decision. Either have HElena take her to her room and offer to gather her things together herslef while Helena fetched her shoes and socks, or play dumb and force Helena to take her to the cellar.
Either option had their pros and cons.
But then she had been trying to build rappor with the girl. It would likely be best to let the girl save face, even though she was just dying to see the much vaunted cellar.
"Well, Little One, you’re going to need your socks and shoes. How about you take me to your room and I shall put your things together into my bag, and you can run o to fetch your shoes and socks. DOes that sound good?"
She smiled at her friend’s explanation, even though her words made no pictures. What did a minute, an hour, look like? Maybe they looked like mice, so small you couldn’t see them, running across the floor. The thought made her chuckle to herself. And she would not have to go to the cellar with Maggie. She could go by herself. ”Yes.” Helena nodded. “That sounds good, Maggie.”
She jumped down and went back inside. Setting Boris on the ground, she went down the narrow hallways till she reached her room. Tugging open the door, ahe stepped inside. Pointing, she said, “There is Bible. Rosary. Dress.” She bent and picked up her other dress, shaking it out so there was no more dirt, and set it on the bed. “I get socks and shoes now.”
Helena left the room, went back down the hall. Back outside and over to the cellar. The door was still open. The stairs went down, down, down, into the dark. She whimpered. Wrapped her arms around herself. The Lord would not be upset if she was scared, she only had to do it anyway. It was alright to be afraid, Maggie said.
She told her feet move, but they did not listen.
She told her legs move but they did not listen.
She told her arms move but they did not listen.
She could not get her socks and shoes, she could not do what Maggie said and Maggie would be angry because she had not done whwt she said to and now Maggie would not want to be her friend and now Tomas would not want to be her friend and now they would not make a family and Tomas and Maggie would leave without her because she was bad and did not do what Maggie said and Sister Olga would put her back in the cellar and she would stay there forever and ever and never never come out wnd—
Somehow, she was on the ground, arms wrapped around her knees, rocking back and forth and muttering, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” to herself, over and over and over, as she waited for Maggie to come and see what she’d done.
The room Helena reluctantly led her to, after Maggie had retrieved her handbag, was tiny; a miniscule cot-bed barely fitting within it’s cramped confines, it’s mattress thin and poorly made, uneven and sagging, two blankets stretched across it in what was no doubt the best Helena could do with making the bed. The rest of the room, the cell, was bare save for a small bedside table that was little more than a box. A worn Bible sat atop it with a rosary curled up on the cover, the crucifix dangling over the spine.
After having swiftly pointed out her meagre belongings, and how sad was it that all she had to show for her twelve years of live was a book, a rosary and a dress, Helena had turned away, feet dragging as she headed for the cellar. Turning to her task, Maggie had taken as long as she could to pack, folding and re-folding the dress, smoothing the Bible pages down and wrapping it within the dress, reverently placing it into her handbag, curling the rosary up into a tight coil and zipping it up within the small pouch, Maggie could no longer stretch out the time.
Maggie glanced down the hallway – no sign of Helena. She’d give it another minute. On a whim, Maggie closed the door, shutting herself into the cell, having checked she’d be able to get out again, and sat upon the cot, wincing as it creaked alarmingly.
The tiny window barely let in any light despite the hour and with the door closed it was even more claustrophobic. How many hours a day did the girl spend in here? Staring at these dingy grey walls, the cold stone and the…Maggie frowned.
Dolls?
The walls were covered in stick figure dolls, much like what Maggie assumed the girl had been drawing with her fingertips on the stone floor when they’d met. Dragging her fingers over the marks some of whatever the girl had used ot draw them transferred onto her hand, the dark smudge stark on her skin.
Charcoal perhaps.
What a bizzare little child she was. This place was hateful. Shooting to her feet, Maggie wrenched the door open and stepped into the hall, taking a deep breath and smoothing her clothes. No wonder the girl was half mad; sitting in that room for hours on end would be enough to turn the strongest mind to mush. Maggie headed down the hall in the direction she’d seen Helena go, unsure as she reached new corridors, taking the wrong option and having to double back when she’d reached a chapel, and again when she seemed to be veering into the area housing the communal wash room. On her fourth try she spied Helena, the girl frozen, arms wrapped around herself, feet still bare, lips moving, mumbling apologies spilling forth as she stared transfixed, practically vibrating. “Are you ready Helena?” Maggie called out, voice soft. As she came to a stop beside her, Maggie glanced down the steps that led into the dark, a clammy cold seeming to stretch out the doorway, beckoning them into who knew what. “Shall we go in together to get your shoes?” Maggie held out her hand, palm up, ofering it for helena to hold. “And then we can leave this place.”
Helena looked up. Maggie stood beside her, holding her hand out. She asked if she was ready to go, then asked if she wanted to go together. Helena took Maggie’s hand and stood up. Chewed her lip. Maggie said they could leave, but probably not till after she got her socks and shoes. “Yes. We go together.” She squeezed Maggie’s hand as they started down the stairs. It was dark down there. Dark, dark, dark. And Maggie would see. Maggie would see and—and—no no no no no. Maybr it would be alright. Maybe she would not be too angry.
Maybe Maggie would not notice the dead rats in the corner.
Maybe.
"Maggie?" She glanced up at the woman as they stood at the bottom of the stairs. "You are not angry, because I did not do what you said?" She needed to get her socks and shoes, thrown into the corners of the cellar. One sock by the mattress. One sock by the bucket toilet. One shoe by the rats. One shoe by the corner with nothing in it. She should get them. Before Maggie saw. But her hand would not let go of Maggie’s, no matter how many times she told it to and her feet would not move, though she told them to, too.
The smell.
Oh the smell was horrific. Stale urine, mould, the sick-sweet scent o decay…
No wonder the child hadn’t wanted to come down those stairs. Helena’s grip on Maggie’s hand was fierce, her small stature utterly deceiving - her strength was something else.
Helena’s tiny form was utterly rigid, practically vibrating at Maggie’s side, her steps mere inches as they waited for their eyes to adjust to the dark.
Very little light filtered through the door, barely advancing into the space. As her sight improved, Maggie could see the source of several of the odours – a filthy mattress wedged in a corner, a litany of no doubt unpleasant stains littered across its surface and behind, what looked like an old mop-bucket.
So the child would indeed spend many days at a time in here.
Mere seconds Maggie had been subjected to this cramped space and she’s was already dying to flee, her skin practically crawling as she looked around, the desire to scrub herself clean rising, especially when, as they moved forward, the scrape-scuttle of tiny feet across the stone floor informed her of the rats that likely ran rampant. Hideous things, filthy filthy things.
No wonder the girl was half-mad.
And standing stock still, eyes darting around the room as she located her things, Maggie following her gaze each time until she noted that what she’d thought was a rag by the mattress was a sock, the other peeping out behind the bucket, her shoes similarly apart with one in a corner and the other she couldn’t see.
“Helena?” Maggie asked, trying to draw the girl’s attention. “Helena, we should collect your things. Let’s do that together.”
There was something down here, something more than just the squalid conditions that Helena didn’t want Maggie to see.
And that had Maggie intrigued.
She jumped, blinking in the dark. Helena meant her, she reminded herself, turning to look at Maggie. Her friend said they let’s do this together, and she nodded. Still clinging to Maggie’s hand, she stepped toward the mattress. Bent and grabbed her sock. Then the one by the bucket. Her shoes were next. One was in the empty corner.
The other was by the rats.
She bit her lip, hard.
Maggie said together. Together meant both. Not only her. Maggie would see. Maggie would see Maggie would see Maggie would see. Maybe she could let go of Maggie’s hand and get her other shoe. But Maggie said both. Maggie said Maggie said Maggie said.
Her hands shook as she bent and grabbed her shoe from the empty corner. Now for the other one. Her stomach would not stop rolling over, no matter how many times she told it to. She swallowed, over and over, glad for once that all she’d had was some porridge so early in the morning she’d forgotten it till just then. There would be nothing to come up if she was sick.
Biting her lip again, till she tasted blood, she walked to the other corner—still holding Maggie’s hand, because Maggie said both—the corner with the dead rats.
The dead rats with the marks from her teeth in their bodies.
Helena bent and grabbed her other shoe, dropping it one two three times before she shoved it against her leg and straightened back up. She looked up at Maggie. Her friend would not want to be her friend now.
Her friend would not want to be a family with her now.
Maybe nobody would want to be her friend.
Maybe nobody would want to be her family.
Ever.
The girl's shaking intensified, practically causing her clothes to rustle, the grip squeezing Maggie's hand near crushing.
What had her so frightened?
Maggie watched as the girl glanced at 3 of the items again and again. Three. Now that was interesting. What was she avoiding? Maggie swept her eyes over hte cellar, her gaze only picing up shades of grey, faint shapes blurry in the murk, indistinct. There was one corner Helena was studiously avoiding looking at, but try as she might, squinting over hte girl's head, Maggie couldn't tell what the pile of...things was.
"It's okay, Helena," Maggie murmurred as she followed after as Helena collected her two socks, then slowed down as she went to the corner with her shoe, her breath little more than short, shallow gasps. Maggie held out her hand to take the items as Helena audibly swallowed again and again, her breaths whistling through her nose now.
'Oh please don't vomit. PLease, please don't vomit',' Maggie thought, swallowing herself. She could see why the girl would want to, being shut up down in this hellhole but Maggie has never been that good with beign around people while they were sick. It turned her stomach; the sound, the smell, the sight, all of it was repulsive. There were few things that really got to Maggie and vomiting was one. Spiders were another. Not the little ones, the tiny little things the size of a fingernail but those big hairy ones that scuttled about at distressing speed.
Helena ground to a halt in front of her with such suddeness that Maggie almost pulled her over when she carried on walking. By Helena's foot was her other shoe. And by the shoe was a small heap of rats. Dead rats. The scent of blood waas heavy in the air, the taste of metal cloying when Maggie breathed. As Helena ducked to get her shoe, Maggie stared in silence at the little bodies, only faintly hearing hte thuds Of Helena dropping her shoe several times before finally keeping hold of it and standing stock still beside her. Why was there such a large amount of blood? Were those...those were bites. The bodies weren't damaged enough for it to have been Boris, urely he'd have worried the bodies more, ripped them apart with his powerful jaw, but these…s
Surely not? The girl was near-emaciated, though, and spent days, possibly weeks down here at a time. Would she be driven to this?
Maggie looked away from the rats and to Helena’s upturned face. She was biting her lip so hard a bead of blood, near black in the dark was rolling down her chin and she was caught by a flash of surety.
“This was you, wasn’t it Helena?” Maggie let her voice harden as her stomach flipped; she knew, oh she knew, but she needed to know Helena would tell her such a thing, would tell her seomthing that so deeply shamed her. She needed to know that when it came to it, that the girl wouldn’t lie to her face, even when humiliated and afraid.
“Tell me the truth. Tell me.” She let her tone speak the rest, that Helena would not like what would occur if she lied. “Tell me and I will understand.”
Maggie watched the lambs for a while as Helena hauled herself up. IT felt so freeing toMaggie watched the lambs for a while as Helena hauled herself up. IT felt so freeing to swing her feet in the air, aware but uncaring that endless splinters were working into the fabric of her trousers
The girl wanted to take Boris.
That could be fun.
But that was only what HElena wanted her to believe. The girl was anxious to leave this place, something Maggie could well see and agree with, but she was also scared of a world she’d seen nothing of, scared of these two strangers she’d never heard of before taking her away from the only place she’d ever known. It certainly wasn’t a home, it wasn’t a nice place, but it was what she knew and she was clinging to the one thing that made it bearable.
"It’s okay Helena, to say that you’re nervous about leaving. Or that you would miss Boris when you leave. It’s okayy to say that you are going to be sad to leave here, even i you are happy to leave with TOmas and I" Maggie smiled at HElena, slowly raising a hand from the fence post to pet HElena’s hair gently, movements soft and slow, aiming to soothe rather than upset the girl.
"It can be scary to follow the Lord’s call, to do his good work and to go where He needs you. The Lord needs you to be brave, but brave doesn’t mean that you are not scared. It just means you are scared but determined to go anyway."
A happy yapping sounded behind them, Boris boucning along the path, ears looking ridiucolous as he bounded along towards them, tail waving, He really was quite cute.
"And I can see what can be done about taking Boris if you truly wish that."
They’d have to go back at some point, but right now she felt she was makinga real connection to the girl and it was best to stay outside. The slam of a heavy door had Maggie’s head whirling towards the sound and when she caught sight of Tomas’ silhouette in the doorway, she used her free heand to wave him back inside.
They were not to be disturbed.
She tipped her head and listened to Maggie. Her new friend talked a lot. But that was alright. Her voice was nice. Soft. Soothing. Like the music on the radio she heard, sometimes from the walls, sometimes from the cellar. It always made her want to curl up and sleep. Maggie’s voice was like that. It wrapped around her like a blanket, keeping her warm and making her feel not scared.
The convent did not make her feel not scared.
For a long time, the convent did not make her feel not scared.
Sister Olga did not make her ferl not scared.
The other sisters did not make make her feel not scared.
Maggie made her feel not scared.
Maggie’s voice made her feel not scared.
Helena blinked and shook her head. It was rude to not listen when someone talked to you. Even if you did not underetand what was said. “Sorry. Did not mean to not pay attention.” That wasn’t an excuse, but maybe it was alright that she’d said it. Earlier, Maggie said she could always explain why she did something. Msybe that was still true. “Do not know what is nervous, Maggie. But am not sad. Want to go. Want to. But am scared, too. Have only been to village. At night. Not supposed to, but go anyway.” She hunched her shoulders. “Like watching the families.” This she said more to her dangling feet than Maggie.
Why was she saying this to Maggie? Her friend would not want to be her friend now that she knew how wicked Helena was. But it was a long, long time since Sister Olga took her to see Father Alexei, and if she told the nun the bad things she did, all she would get was punishment. Not absolution. And Sister Olga somehow always knew when she was bad anyway. Maggie couldn’t help her get God’s forgiveness either, but at least her friend would not also punish her.
Maybe.
She watched Maggie’s hand, but her friend only moved it to her hair and pet it. This time, Helena’s lips almost curled up by themselves. Her friend said that she could be brave and also scared, as long as she did it anyway. “Can do this.” Shutting her eyes, so she could pay more attention to Maggie petting her hair, she scooted closer. It would be nice to sit in Maggie’s lap. But she was too big for that. Inside her head, she said, you’re not a baby, to herself. Even only sitting by Maggie was wonderful. Maybe Maggie would pet her hair all the times. Except for eating and sleeping and using the toilet and doing whatever it was God wanted her to do. Almost all the times.
Boris barked and her eyes flew open. The door slammed and she jerked away from Maggie, turning to look. Maybe she was too close. Maybe Sister Olga or one of the others knew she wanted to sit in Maggie’s lap, and they were coming to scold her. But when she looked, there was nobody there. Only Boris. She jumped down from the fence, picked up the dog, amd climbed back up. Maggie said it was okay—which sounded like it maybe meant allowed—if she said she was sad for leaving Boris. She cuddled the dog. “Will miss Boris. We are friends. Also.” She chewed her lip. Maggie knew almost everything else. She could know this, too. “Also I taught him to be bad dog, and he will not know how to be good dog, only bad, and Sister Olga will hurt him and it is my fault.”
Maybe Sister Olga could tell somehow, that it was her in the walls, or beside them, when Boris barked. Without her, he would maybe bark at nothing and be punished for being a bad dog. But it would be her fault, not his, because she taught him to. She rocked back and forth, petting Boris and trying not to think about it.
So the girl was able to sneak out. Stronger locks would most certainly be in order when they found a safe base for their training. Out here in the sticks it was one thing for the girl to sneak around and peep in people’s windows, but in a city, in an area with uncaring police and newspapers and prying eyes, the unsocialised creature would draw too much attention were she to be found playing peeping tom in the neighbourhood.
Maggie could hear the longing in her voice, the desire for normalcy and family. She’d never have that. Even were she and Tomas truly a pair just looking for a child, even were they trying to be a family, she’d still be prey for those that made her. Maggie knew that the surrogate that had birthed Helena was the one the Duncan’s had picked to carry the clone that would be their child. Even had they taken one of the other children, surely the Institute wouldn’t stop until they found their stolen property. And even were Tomas and Maggie not of the Prolethean order, there were others that were, that wouldn’t stop until the clones and those responsible were wiped from the earth. Though she had heard tales of the ‘new’ order in North America.
She’d heard of them spoken of in contempt, their ways unabashedly modern in some respects, often throwing off the shackles of the old ways. Tomas, in particular, spoke of them with derision. Chances were that they were going to require the aid of those in the new order, when Helena was trained, when Europe was cleansed.
But they too were likely concocting their own plans for the little lost copy.
No, Helena would never have a family, never have a normal life. Better that she be given the idea of one. It was good that she had no real idea of what family was, piecing it together from fragments of stolen glimpses. That would make it easier to manipulate her. Her faith in the Lord, and her desire to leave this hellish place would only make it smoother.
The girl’s attachment to Boris was almost, God help her, adorable. Maggie understood herself; ever since childhood she’d attached more to animals than people. And the wire-haired terrier was sort of sweet, in a yappy way as he squirmed in Helena’s arms as the girl struggled to bring him up onto the fence with them, arms cradled around the dog as though scared of breaking him before settling herself.
“I know you are scared to leave. The world is very different away from here. But there are many beautiful things to see and do. We shall travel to many new places, teaching the Lord’s blessings, taking his Light into the darkness.” Scritching the dog on the head, smiling as he wriggled happily, mouth hanging open as he panted, Maggie continued.
“I’ll tell you a secret. Sometimes I get scared. Sometimes, even Tomas gets scared. We visit so many new places, our mission is so great, our desire to please our Lord so great that we fear we’ll fail. But to be scared is no sin. We all get scared. But we all have each other. We have our faith. The Lord only asks that you try. That we try to be brave. And bravery doesn’t mean not being scared. It means that sometimes you will be afraid, but you try anyway. And now, Tomas and I will have you, and we will not be so scared. We will help you when you are frightened, just as your presence will help us.” Boris barked but he seemed perfectly happy where he was. Maggie chose to believe he was agreeing with her. “See, Boris understands. You know how sometimes Boris makes you feel not scared? Like having him makes it easier? That is how it is in family. The Sisters are not your family, though they have tried to care for you best they can, and so they do not help you feel not scared. But Tomas and I, we wish to be your family if you will let us. And we shall try to take Boris with us. Because he is your family too, and we do not want him punished by Olga. Tomas might be able to talk with her, allow us to take Boris.”
‘I certainly don’t wish to talk to her’, Maggie thought, ‘odious troll of a woman.’
“But now,” Maggie sighed. “Now we must go inside and gather your things together.” Maggie looked out over the field again. “Well, maybe on more minute and then you must take me to your room and we shall get you ready to leave.”
Helena nodded, listening to Maggie. It was nice to know her friend was afraid sometimes, too. And Tomas. She smiled again—it was getting easier to move her lips without thinking about it—as Maggie sad she was like Boris. She would make Tomas and Maggie not afraid, like Boris made her not afraid. That was very very very nice. And Boris agreed with Maggie, which was also nice.
And Maggie said it was alright to be afraid. That The Lord wanted her—and also Tomas and Maggie—to try to be brave, but it was alright to be afraid. “Thank you, Maggie.” She pet Boris more. Her friend said they would be a family, and maybe they could bring Boris too, because he was her family too, and Tomas could talk to Sister Olga and maybe they could bring Boris, so Sister Olga would not hurt him.
She glanced up. How long was another minute? Was she supposed to know? Maybe not. “What is another minute, Maggie?” Peering down at her bare feet, she sighed. Her things, she knew because Sister Olga told her once, meant her dress and her socks and her shoes, and her other dress, and her rosary beads and her Bible. Her shoes and socks were in the cellar. Everything else was in her room. Maybe she did not need her socks and shoes. If Maggie saw the cellar, saw where she had to stay when she was bad, maybe she would not want to be her friend anymore. But maybe she should ask, because mwybe Maggie meant all her things. “Socks and shoes in cellar. Do not need them, yes?”
Had the Sisters not even taught her that much? For all the love in Heaven she and Tomas had much work to do.
"It is a measurement of time, Little One. Each day is made up of 24 hours. and an hour is made of 60 minutes. each minute is 60 seconds. If you say ‘one alligator’ that is about one seconds worth of time." SHe stroked Helena’s hair again. "But isn’t important right now. Tomas and I will teach you."
What else hadn’t hte Sisters taught her? Did she even know her own body? Would Maggie…would Maggie have to have The Talk with her? That would be mortifying. Whilst she knew the Duncan’s intended the clones to be sterile she’d never seen anything to suggest whether the clones would still menstrate or not. Explaining to the girl she wasn’t going to bleed to death was ging to be a delight.
Tomas would certainly be of no help. Men never were with such matters.
"There is much we shall teach you when you leave here. But we have all the time," she chuckled, " in the world for that."
It wasn’t until Helena mentioned her shoes and socks that Maggie remembered that the girl was barefoot. Even the tops of her feet were fairly ffilthy so Heaven alone knew what the soles were like but she certainly couldn’t leave without her shoes. The walk back to Maggie’s lodgings was rough and they couldn’t risk her getting a cut or infection. Their trip would be long; an illness would be out of the question.
But there was something in Helena’s voice.
Fear.
Shame.
It wasn’t of her dirty feet, it was about the cellar. Something about the cellar that she didn’t want to see. Or perhaps didn’t want Maggie to see.
‘Ah’ Maggie thought, ‘her punishments.’
Maggie knew some of what Helena’s punishments had entailed, though she was sure that what Tomas had told her was a mere fraction of what Olga had told him, which was likely still a mere fraction of all that Olga had done. And Helena didn’t want Maggie to see that. So she had to make a decision. Either have HElena take her to her room and offer to gather her things together herslef while Helena fetched her shoes and socks, or play dumb and force Helena to take her to the cellar.
Either option had their pros and cons.
But then she had been trying to build rappor with the girl. It would likely be best to let the girl save face, even though she was just dying to see the much vaunted cellar.
"Well, Little One, you’re going to need your socks and shoes. How about you take me to your room and I shall put your things together into my bag, and you can run o to fetch your shoes and socks. DOes that sound good?"
She smiled at her friend’s explanation, even though her words made no pictures. What did a minute, an hour, look like? Maybe they looked like mice, so small you couldn’t see them, running across the floor. The thought made her chuckle to herself. And she would not have to go to the cellar with Maggie. She could go by herself. ”Yes.” Helena nodded. “That sounds good, Maggie.”
She jumped down and went back inside. Setting Boris on the ground, she went down the narrow hallways till she reached her room. Tugging open the door, ahe stepped inside. Pointing, she said, “There is Bible. Rosary. Dress.” She bent and picked up her other dress, shaking it out so there was no more dirt, and set it on the bed. “I get socks and shoes now.”
Helena left the room, went back down the hall. Back outside and over to the cellar. The door was still open. The stairs went down, down, down, into the dark. She whimpered. Wrapped her arms around herself. The Lord would not be upset if she was scared, she only had to do it anyway. It was alright to be afraid, Maggie said.
She told her feet move, but they did not listen.
She told her legs move but they did not listen.
She told her arms move but they did not listen.
She could not get her socks and shoes, she could not do what Maggie said and Maggie would be angry because she had not done whwt she said to and now Maggie would not want to be her friend and now Tomas would not want to be her friend and now they would not make a family and Tomas and Maggie would leave without her because she was bad and did not do what Maggie said and Sister Olga would put her back in the cellar and she would stay there forever and ever and never never come out wnd—
Somehow, she was on the ground, arms wrapped around her knees, rocking back and forth and muttering, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” to herself, over and over and over, as she waited for Maggie to come and see what she’d done.
The room Helena reluctantly led her to, after Maggie had retrieved her handbag, was tiny; a miniscule cot-bed barely fitting within it’s cramped confines, it’s mattress thin and poorly made, uneven and sagging, two blankets stretched across it in what was no doubt the best Helena could do with making the bed. The rest of the room, the cell, was bare save for a small bedside table that was little more than a box. A worn Bible sat atop it with a rosary curled up on the cover, the crucifix dangling over the spine.
After having swiftly pointed out her meagre belongings, and how sad was it that all she had to show for her twelve years of live was a book, a rosary and a dress, Helena had turned away, feet dragging as she headed for the cellar. Turning to her task, Maggie had taken as long as she could to pack, folding and re-folding the dress, smoothing the Bible pages down and wrapping it within the dress, reverently placing it into her handbag, curling the rosary up into a tight coil and zipping it up within the small pouch, Maggie could no longer stretch out the time.
Maggie glanced down the hallway – no sign of Helena. She’d give it another minute. On a whim, Maggie closed the door, shutting herself into the cell, having checked she’d be able to get out again, and sat upon the cot, wincing as it creaked alarmingly.
The tiny window barely let in any light despite the hour and with the door closed it was even more claustrophobic. How many hours a day did the girl spend in here? Staring at these dingy grey walls, the cold stone and the…Maggie frowned.
Dolls?
The walls were covered in stick figure dolls, much like what Maggie assumed the girl had been drawing with her fingertips on the stone floor when they’d met. Dragging her fingers over the marks some of whatever the girl had used ot draw them transferred onto her hand, the dark smudge stark on her skin.
Charcoal perhaps.
What a bizzare little child she was. This place was hateful. Shooting to her feet, Maggie wrenched the door open and stepped into the hall, taking a deep breath and smoothing her clothes. No wonder the girl was half mad; sitting in that room for hours on end would be enough to turn the strongest mind to mush. Maggie headed down the hall in the direction she’d seen Helena go, unsure as she reached new corridors, taking the wrong option and having to double back when she’d reached a chapel, and again when she seemed to be veering into the area housing the communal wash room. On her fourth try she spied Helena, the girl frozen, arms wrapped around herself, feet still bare, lips moving, mumbling apologies spilling forth as she stared transfixed, practically vibrating. “Are you ready Helena?” Maggie called out, voice soft. As she came to a stop beside her, Maggie glanced down the steps that led into the dark, a clammy cold seeming to stretch out the doorway, beckoning them into who knew what. “Shall we go in together to get your shoes?” Maggie held out her hand, palm up, ofering it for helena to hold. “And then we can leave this place.”
Helena looked up. Maggie stood beside her, holding her hand out. She asked if she was ready to go, then asked if she wanted to go together. Helena took Maggie’s hand and stood up. Chewed her lip. Maggie said they could leave, but probably not till after she got her socks and shoes. “Yes. We go together.” She squeezed Maggie’s hand as they started down the stairs. It was dark down there. Dark, dark, dark. And Maggie would see. Maggie would see and—and—no no no no no. Maybr it would be alright. Maybe she would not be too angry.
Maybe Maggie would not notice the dead rats in the corner.
Maybe.
"Maggie?" She glanced up at the woman as they stood at the bottom of the stairs. "You are not angry, because I did not do what you said?" She needed to get her socks and shoes, thrown into the corners of the cellar. One sock by the mattress. One sock by the bucket toilet. One shoe by the rats. One shoe by the corner with nothing in it. She should get them. Before Maggie saw. But her hand would not let go of Maggie’s, no matter how many times she told it to and her feet would not move, though she told them to, too.
The smell.
Oh the smell was horrific. Stale urine, mould, the sick-sweet scent o decay...
No wonder the child hadn't wanted to come down those stairs. Helena's grip on Maggie's hand was fierce, her small stature utterly deceiving - her strength was something else.
Helena’s tiny form was utterly rigid, practically vibrating at Maggie’s side, her steps mere inches as they waited for their eyes to adjust to the dark.
Very little light filtered through the door, barely advancing into the space. As her sight improved, Maggie could see the source of several of the odours – a filthy mattress wedged in a corner, a litany of no doubt unpleasant stains littered across its surface and behind, what looked like an old mop-bucket.
So the child would indeed spend many days at a time in here.
Mere seconds Maggie had been subjected to this cramped space and she’s was already dying to flee, her skin practically crawling as she looked around, the desire to scrub herself clean rising, especially when, as they moved forward, the scrape-scuttle of tiny feet across the stone floor informed her of the rats that likely ran rampant. Hideous things, filthy filthy things.
No wonder the girl was half-mad.
And standing stock still, eyes darting around the room as she located her things, Maggie following her gaze each time until she noted that what she’d thought was a rag by the mattress was a sock, the other peeping out behind the bucket, her shoes similarly apart with one in a corner and the other she couldn’t see.
“Helena?” Maggie asked, trying to draw the girl’s attention. “Helena, we should collect your things. Let’s do that together.”
There was something down here, something more than just the squalid conditions that Helena didn’t want Maggie to see.
And that had Maggie intrigued.
Maggie watched the lambs for a while as Helena hauled herself up. IT felt so freeing toMaggie watched the lambs for a while as Helena hauled herself up. IT felt so freeing to swing her feet in the air, aware but uncaring that endless splinters were working into the fabric of her trousers
The girl wanted to take Boris.
That could be fun.
But that was only what HElena wanted her to believe. The girl was anxious to leave this place, something Maggie could well see and agree with, but she was also scared of a world she’d seen nothing of, scared of these two strangers she’d never heard of before taking her away from the only place she’d ever known. It certainly wasn’t a home, it wasn’t a nice place, but it was what she knew and she was clinging to the one thing that made it bearable.
"It’s okay Helena, to say that you’re nervous about leaving. Or that you would miss Boris when you leave. It’s okayy to say that you are going to be sad to leave here, even i you are happy to leave with TOmas and I" Maggie smiled at HElena, slowly raising a hand from the fence post to pet HElena’s hair gently, movements soft and slow, aiming to soothe rather than upset the girl.
"It can be scary to follow the Lord’s call, to do his good work and to go where He needs you. The Lord needs you to be brave, but brave doesn’t mean that you are not scared. It just means you are scared but determined to go anyway."
A happy yapping sounded behind them, Boris boucning along the path, ears looking ridiucolous as he bounded along towards them, tail waving, He really was quite cute.
"And I can see what can be done about taking Boris if you truly wish that."
They’d have to go back at some point, but right now she felt she was makinga real connection to the girl and it was best to stay outside. The slam of a heavy door had Maggie’s head whirling towards the sound and when she caught sight of Tomas’ silhouette in the doorway, she used her free heand to wave him back inside.
They were not to be disturbed.
She tipped her head and listened to Maggie. Her new friend talked a lot. But that was alright. Her voice was nice. Soft. Soothing. Like the music on the radio she heard, sometimes from the walls, sometimes from the cellar. It always made her want to curl up and sleep. Maggie’s voice was like that. It wrapped around her like a blanket, keeping her warm and making her feel not scared.
The convent did not make her feel not scared.
For a long time, the convent did not make her feel not scared.
Sister Olga did not make her ferl not scared.
The other sisters did not make make her feel not scared.
Maggie made her feel not scared.
Maggie’s voice made her feel not scared.
Helena blinked and shook her head. It was rude to not listen when someone talked to you. Even if you did not underetand what was said. “Sorry. Did not mean to not pay attention.” That wasn’t an excuse, but maybe it was alright that she’d said it. Earlier, Maggie said she could always explain why she did something. Msybe that was still true. “Do not know what is nervous, Maggie. But am not sad. Want to go. Want to. But am scared, too. Have only been to village. At night. Not supposed to, but go anyway.” She hunched her shoulders. “Like watching the families.” This she said more to her dangling feet than Maggie.
Why was she saying this to Maggie? Her friend would not want to be her friend now that she knew how wicked Helena was. But it was a long, long time since Sister Olga took her to see Father Alexei, and if she told the nun the bad things she did, all she would get was punishment. Not absolution. And Sister Olga somehow always knew when she was bad anyway. Maggie couldn’t help her get God’s forgiveness either, but at least her friend would not also punish her.
Maybe.
She watched Maggie’s hand, but her friend only moved it to her hair and pet it. This time, Helena’s lips almost curled up by themselves. Her friend said that she could be brave and also scared, as long as she did it anyway. “Can do this.” Shutting her eyes, so she could pay more attention to Maggie petting her hair, she scooted closer. It would be nice to sit in Maggie’s lap. But she was too big for that. Inside her head, she said, you’re not a baby, to herself. Even only sitting by Maggie was wonderful. Maybe Maggie would pet her hair all the times. Except for eating and sleeping and using the toilet and doing whatever it was God wanted her to do. Almost all the times.
Boris barked and her eyes flew open. The door slammed and she jerked away from Maggie, turning to look. Maybe she was too close. Maybe Sister Olga or one of the others knew she wanted to sit in Maggie’s lap, and they were coming to scold her. But when she looked, there was nobody there. Only Boris. She jumped down from the fence, picked up the dog, amd climbed back up. Maggie said it was okay—which sounded like it maybe meant allowed—if she said she was sad for leaving Boris. She cuddled the dog. “Will miss Boris. We are friends. Also.” She chewed her lip. Maggie knew almost everything else. She could know this, too. “Also I taught him to be bad dog, and he will not know how to be good dog, only bad, and Sister Olga will hurt him and it is my fault.”
Maybe Sister Olga could tell somehow, that it was her in the walls, or beside them, when Boris barked. Without her, he would maybe bark at nothing and be punished for being a bad dog. But it would be her fault, not his, because she taught him to. She rocked back and forth, petting Boris and trying not to think about it.
So the girl was able to sneak out. Stronger locks would most certainly be in order when they found a safe base for their training. Out here in the sticks it was one thing for the girl to sneak around and peep in people’s windows, but in a city, in an area with uncaring police and newspapers and prying eyes, the unsocialised creature would draw too much attention were she to be found playing peeping tom in the neighbourhood.
Maggie could hear the longing in her voice, the desire for normalcy and family. She’d never have that. Even were she and Tomas truly a pair just looking for a child, even were they trying to be a family, she’d still be prey for those that made her. Maggie knew that the surrogate that had birthed Helena was the one the Duncan’s had picked to carry the clone that would be their child. Even had they taken one of the other children, surely the Institute wouldn’t stop until they found their stolen property. And even were Tomas and Maggie not of the Prolethean order, there were others that were, that wouldn’t stop until the clones and those responsible were wiped from the earth. Though she had heard tales of the ‘new’ order in North America.
She’d heard of them spoken of in contempt, their ways unabashedly modern in some respects, often throwing off the shackles of the old ways. Tomas, in particular, spoke of them with derision. Chances were that they were going to require the aid of those in the new order, when Helena was trained, when Europe was cleansed.
But they too were likely concocting their own plans for the little lost copy.
No, Helena would never have a family, never have a normal life. Better that she be given the idea of one. It was good that she had no real idea of what family was, piecing it together from fragments of stolen glimpses. That would make it easier to manipulate her. Her faith in the Lord, and her desire to leave this hellish place would only make it smoother.
The girl’s attachment to Boris was almost, God help her, adorable. Maggie understood herself; ever since childhood she’d attached more to animals than people. And the wire-haired terrier was sort of sweet, in a yappy way as he squirmed in Helena’s arms as the girl struggled to bring him up onto the fence with them, arms cradled around the dog as though scared of breaking him before settling herself.
“I know you are scared to leave. The world is very different away from here. But there are many beautiful things to see and do. We shall travel to many new places, teaching the Lord’s blessings, taking his Light into the darkness.” Scritching the dog on the head, smiling as he wriggled happily, mouth hanging open as he panted, Maggie continued.
“I’ll tell you a secret. Sometimes I get scared. Sometimes, even Tomas gets scared. We visit so many new places, our mission is so great, our desire to please our Lord so great that we fear we’ll fail. But to be scared is no sin. We all get scared. But we all have each other. We have our faith. The Lord only asks that you try. That we try to be brave. And bravery doesn’t mean not being scared. It means that sometimes you will be afraid, but you try anyway. And now, Tomas and I will have you, and we will not be so scared. We will help you when you are frightened, just as your presence will help us.” Boris barked but he seemed perfectly happy where he was. Maggie chose to believe he was agreeing with her. “See, Boris understands. You know how sometimes Boris makes you feel not scared? Like having him makes it easier? That is how it is in family. The Sisters are not your family, though they have tried to care for you best they can, and so they do not help you feel not scared. But Tomas and I, we wish to be your family if you will let us. And we shall try to take Boris with us. Because he is your family too, and we do not want him punished by Olga. Tomas might be able to talk with her, allow us to take Boris.”
‘I certainly don’t wish to talk to her’, Maggie thought, ‘odious troll of a woman.’
“But now,” Maggie sighed. “Now we must go inside and gather your things together.” Maggie looked out over the field again. “Well, maybe on more minute and then you must take me to your room and we shall get you ready to leave.”
Helena nodded, listening to Maggie. It was nice to know her friend was afraid sometimes, too. And Tomas. She smiled again—it was getting easier to move her lips without thinking about it—as Maggie sad she was like Boris. She would make Tomas and Maggie not afraid, like Boris made her not afraid. That was very very very nice. And Boris agreed with Maggie, which was also nice.
And Maggie said it was alright to be afraid. That The Lord wanted her—and also Tomas and Maggie—to try to be brave, but it was alright to be afraid. “Thank you, Maggie.” She pet Boris more. Her friend said they would be a family, and maybe they could bring Boris too, because he was her family too, and Tomas could talk to Sister Olga and maybe they could bring Boris, so Sister Olga would not hurt him.
She glanced up. How long was another minute? Was she supposed to know? Maybe not. “What is another minute, Maggie?” Peering down at her bare feet, she sighed. Her things, she knew because Sister Olga told her once, meant her dress and her socks and her shoes, and her other dress, and her rosary beads and her Bible. Her shoes and socks were in the cellar. Everything else was in her room. Maybe she did not need her socks and shoes. If Maggie saw the cellar, saw where she had to stay when she was bad, maybe she would not want to be her friend anymore. But maybe she should ask, because mwybe Maggie meant all her things. “Socks and shoes in cellar. Do not need them, yes?”
Had the Sisters not even taught her that much? For all the love in Heaven she and Tomas had much work to do.
"It is a measurement of time, Little One. Each day is made up of 24 hours. and an hour is made of 60 minutes. each minute is 60 seconds. If you say ‘one alligator’ that is about one seconds worth of time." SHe stroked Helena’s hair again. "But isn’t important right now. Tomas and I will teach you."
What else hadn’t hte Sisters taught her? Did she even know her own body? Would Maggie…would Maggie have to have The Talk with her? That would be mortifying. Whilst she knew the Duncan’s intended the clones to be sterile she’d never seen anything to suggest whether the clones would still menstrate or not. Explaining to the girl she wasn’t going to bleed to death was ging to be a delight.
Tomas would certainly be of no help. Men never were with such matters.
"There is much we shall teach you when you leave here. But we have all the time," she chuckled, " in the world for that."
It wasn’t until Helena mentioned her shoes and socks that Maggie remembered that the girl was barefoot. Even the tops of her feet were fairly ffilthy so Heaven alone knew what the soles were like but she certainly couldn’t leave without her shoes. The walk back to Maggie’s lodgings was rough and they couldn’t risk her getting a cut or infection. Their trip would be long; an illness would be out of the question.
But there was something in Helena’s voice.
Fear.
Shame.
It wasn’t of her dirty feet, it was about the cellar. Something about the cellar that she didn’t want to see. Or perhaps didn’t want Maggie to see.
‘Ah’ Maggie thought, ‘her punishments.’
Maggie knew some of what Helena’s punishments had entailed, though she was sure that what Tomas had told her was a mere fraction of what Olga had told him, which was likely still a mere fraction of all that Olga had done. And Helena didn’t want Maggie to see that. So she had to make a decision. Either have HElena take her to her room and offer to gather her things together herslef while Helena fetched her shoes and socks, or play dumb and force Helena to take her to the cellar.
Either option had their pros and cons.
But then she had been trying to build rappor with the girl. It would likely be best to let the girl save face, even though she was just dying to see the much vaunted cellar.
"Well, Little One, you’re going to need your socks and shoes. How about you take me to your room and I shall put your things together into my bag, and you can run o to fetch your shoes and socks. DOes that sound good?"
She smiled at her friend’s explanation, even though her words made no pictures. What did a minute, an hour, look like? Maybe they looked like mice, so small you couldn’t see them, running across the floor. The thought made her chuckle to herself. And she would not have to go to the cellar with Maggie. She could go by herself. ”Yes.” Helena nodded. “That sounds good, Maggie.”
She jumped down and went back inside. Setting Boris on the ground, she went down the narrow hallways till she reached her room. Tugging open the door, ahe stepped inside. Pointing, she said, “There is Bible. Rosary. Dress.” She bent and picked up her other dress, shaking it out so there was no more dirt, and set it on the bed. “I get socks and shoes now.”
Helena left the room, went back down the hall. Back outside and over to the cellar. The door was still open. The stairs went down, down, down, into the dark. She whimpered. Wrapped her arms around herself. The Lord would not be upset if she was scared, she only had to do it anyway. It was alright to be afraid, Maggie said.
She told her feet move, but they did not listen.
She told her legs move but they did not listen.
She told her arms move but they did not listen.
She could not get her socks and shoes, she could not do what Maggie said and Maggie would be angry because she had not done whwt she said to and now Maggie would not want to be her friend and now Tomas would not want to be her friend and now they would not make a family and Tomas and Maggie would leave without her because she was bad and did not do what Maggie said and Sister Olga would put her back in the cellar and she would stay there forever and ever and never never come out wnd—
Somehow, she was on the ground, arms wrapped around her knees, rocking back and forth and muttering, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” to herself, over and over and over, as she waited for Maggie to come and see what she’d done.
The room Helena reluctantly led her to, after Maggie had retrieved her handbag, was tiny; a miniscule cot-bed barely fitting within it’s cramped confines, it’s mattress thin and poorly made, uneven and sagging, two blankets stretched across it in what was no doubt the best Helena could do with making the bed. The rest of the room, the cell, was bare save for a small bedside table that was little more than a box. A worn Bible sat atop it with a rosary curled up on the cover, the crucifix dangling over the spine.
After having swiftly pointed out her meagre belongings, and how sad was it that all she had to show for her twelve years of live was a book, a rosary and a dress, Helena had turned away, feet dragging as she headed for the cellar. Turning to her task, Maggie had taken as long as she could to pack, folding and re-folding the dress, smoothing the Bible pages down and wrapping it within the dress, reverently placing it into her handbag, curling the rosary up into a tight coil and zipping it up within the small pouch, Maggie could no longer stretch out the time.
Maggie glanced down the hallway – no sign of Helena. She’d give it another minute. On a whim, Maggie closed the door, shutting herself into the cell, having checked she’d be able to get out again, and sat upon the cot, wincing as it creaked alarmingly.
The tiny window barely let in any light despite the hour and with the door closed it was even more claustrophobic. How many hours a day did the girl spend in here? Staring at these dingy grey walls, the cold stone and the…Maggie frowned.
Dolls?
The walls were covered in stick figure dolls, much like what Maggie assumed the girl had been drawing with her fingertips on the stone floor when they’d met. Dragging her fingers over the marks some of whatever the girl had used ot draw them transferred onto her hand, the dark smudge stark on her skin.
Charcoal perhaps.
What a bizzare little child she was. This place was hateful. Shooting to her feet, Maggie wrenched the door open and stepped into the hall, taking a deep breath and smoothing her clothes. No wonder the girl was half mad; sitting in that room for hours on end would be enough to turn the strongest mind to mush. Maggie headed down the hall in the direction she’d seen Helena go, unsure as she reached new corridors, taking the wrong option and having to double back when she’d reached a chapel, and again when she seemed to be veering into the area housing the communal wash room. On her fourth try she spied Helena, the girl frozen, arms wrapped around herself, feet still bare, lips moving, mumbling apologies spilling forth as she stared transfixed, practically vibrating. “Are you ready Helena?” Maggie called out, voice soft. As she came to a stop beside her, Maggie glanced down the steps that led into the dark, a clammy cold seeming to stretch out the doorway, beckoning them into who knew what. “Shall we go in together to get your shoes?" Maggie held out her hand, palm up, ofering it for helena to hold. "And then we can leave this place."