Unassorted notes about Mike.
This is just a collection of random thoughts relating to Mike. I’m not really dissecting all alters and their roles so much here, but I do touch a bit on it. This is mostly Mike orientated.
I relied on heavy extrapolation and guesses.
I believe while Mike relies on his DID more than he's happy to admit (we saw this already in TDAS), I think he views it as a total failing and weakness. He feels a lot of shame around the disorder, despite his attachment to his alters. I’m sure those feelings are very complicated.
I think he views it as him failing to handle stressful events and difficult memories. Like he wasn't strong enough to deal with life as it were. I have no trouble believing that Mal tells Mike that he "can’t handle" it. I believe Mal and Vito are memory holders for trauma material.
Mike is judgmental to his alters sometimes, which I believe is him projecting his own self-judgement.
Mike has some hyper-masculine parts which make me think there's some complicated feelings influencing the formation of certain alters. If he was more confrontational, meaner and less anxious, then maybe nothing awful would happen to him. I believe Manitoba Smith was unconsciously influenced by wish fulfilment. He is very smart, skilled and impressive. Mike could wish at some point that he was more like Indiana Jones.
Mike is appears greatly concerned about agency in TDROTI. A word that comes up a lot with Mike is the word "control". This need for “control” (a word Mike is always using) comes up a lot. Mike does not like to lack agency over his life and does not yet trust his alters (except possibly Svetlana, who he occasionally will pass control over to). This also makes me think Mike is still brand new to therapy under a DID treatment plan.
Mike is still in survival mode that by controlling and suppressing the expression of his alters will keep them all safe. Mike will lock up alters (Mal) that he views are too unstable. Mike may even have been a slightly persecutory Apparently Normal Part at some point in his life. Vito could have been a bit persecutory too, with forming inappropriate relationships, leading a promiscuous lifestyle that the rest of the system does not like at all and getting into risky situations. I believe Vito struggled with substance abuse and at some points in their life. I think he used to sneak into clubs before he stabilised. I think he deliberately sabotages romantic relationships.
Vito also picks fights with other alters. I think he wants to protect the trauma content that he holds and ensure no one gets close to him and uncovers it.
After some healing and progress, Vito eventually stop engaging in behaviour that will cause problems for Mike and stop sabotaging relationships that he is in. Perhaps if he believes it’s in their best interests. Mike should try to build a relationship with Vito. I think they could become very protective about each other.
I believe Zoey will eventually earn Vito’s trust and Vito will respect that relationship and see it as beneficial. It may take some time though and I believe he was, at the early stage of the relationship, rude and dismissive to Zoey. He tells her not to suck up to him and he doesn’t care about phoney nice girl acts. I think consistency and blunt honesty from Zoey will gradually earn Vito’s trust.
I think Vito is untrusting to people who act “nice” or try to be polite. I think blunt honesty is key to earning Vito’s trust.
I do not believe Mike enjoys suppressing the expression of his other parts. I believe he think that he absolutely has to. When he feels it is safe to do so, he seems happy to allow them to express themselves in his life (his bedroom indicates this to me).
Mike also does not seem to trust therapy either, as he doesn't listen to his doctors about the show. I believe Mike views therapy as another failing and also DID patients famously get misdiagnosed a lot. I think Mike went through many diagnoses and treatment plans before landing on DID, so now has some trust issues regarding therapy. Imagine being treated for schizophrenia for months and no one listens to you that the "voices" aren't hallucinations and aren't going away with medication? If I'm right, then give the kid a break!
I believe Mike has PTSD and sleep disorders. Mike could sometimes feel overwhelming guilt and loneliness at times that doesn’t belong to him, and he wonders who those emotions belong to. I believe Mal doesn’t sleep ever. Mal does not want to be left in a vulnerable state and will not sleep. I picture him staying up watching chess tournaments to pass the time.
I believe that feeling like adults in Mike's life are failing Mike and don't listen to him and that impacted the formation of Chester. Chester will make himself heard and tries to solve whatever grievances he has (at least in his eyes), even if he makes problems worse. He seems to be split from Mike's deep seated frustration with everything.
Back to agency - I believe Mike went onto TDI more than just to do cool stunts and win a lot of money and be really impressive. I think he wanted an event in his life that he got to decide on. Like he had full control over that decision and have this really awesome thing happen to him that he had agency over. I believe Mike has felt very powerless his whole life. He could feel that awful events just happen to him, and he doesn't get a say. Some of his alters exhibit dysfunctional behaviour due to their own unhealed trauma and he has to pay the consequences as well.
Mike feels like life is being lived by someone else and desperately tries to seek control.
He had no agency in kissing Anne Maria (and many other girls Vito liked, I'm sure) or going to juvie. I have no doubt there are many events where Mike felt he had no conscious volition over that choice and now has to live with the shame combined with a feeling of powerlessness. This is partly why Mike can seem harsh or dismissive to his alters sometimes. It's partly his own issues regarding autonomy. He's so caught up in his own problems and can't see what his alters need from him yet.
Speaking more on agency (this is now a headcanon territory rather than extrapolating on existing material) I had a thought that juvenile court mandated that Mike does family therapy with his birth parents (yet another therapy plan for Mike). I believe when the therapist explained to Mike's birth parents his diagnosis, they were really angry at the therapist, thought the therapist was saying that they failed their son by calling him crazy and stopped showing up because they felt ashamed.
No impressive confrontation from Mike where he can rip them to shreds, no Mike getting angry at them. It wasn't even on Mike's terms. Once again, left feeling powerless.
Back to extrapolating. I believe Mike was removed from his parents custody after juvie due to court mandated psych evaluation revealing ongoing trauma.
Mike looks like he is now provided for, his alters interests are catered to, he's in therapy and has a nice bedroom. His situation looks much more stable.
Problem is Mike and some of his other alters are still in survival mode and school sucks for him. Other than that, life is a lot better.
Mike must stop judging his alters so much and show them kindness and love, as well as to himself. He should learn to show acceptance and be willing to talk to them. I believe that Mike is capable of enormous empathy and compassion, but is too caught up in judging himself (and his alters), being obsessed with being "normal" and does not yet fully see the roles his other alters play.
I could see Mike (age 12 or 13) trying to reason with Mal many times before Mal went dormant. I believe he failed to get through to him and couldn’t approach him the right way. Things like “please stop, you’re scaring Svetlana”, things that don’t resonate with Mal at all and make Mal believe that Mike will only get in the way of his own safety. Enough failed attempts and enough times getting hurt led to exhaustion by Mike, who now doesn’t believe that Mal can be reasoned with. Mike now won’t even try to talk to Mal.
I believe that Mal is very secretive over his protective function and doesn’t want anyone to know. He wants Mike to be sure that he is now pure evil and has no motive. Mal usually doesn’t follow through on half the things he says he’s going to do. He may make threats that he will badly hurt others to terrify Mike, but it’s all smoke and mirrors. Harmful behaviour is mostly directed to himself and other alters, but he can be really mean and do things that will isolate Mike.
Mike thinks that Mal is a memory holder that’s lashing out and punishing him just because he is a memory holder. He doesn’t see the deeper protective function that Mal possesses.
I think that Mike should apologise to Mal for locking him up. I’m sure Mike had a very good reason at the time, was very young and was not in therapy yet, but this tends to worsen the problem and that kind of rejection I believe hurt Mal. Mike could initiate negotiating with Mal with apologising.
I believe attempts to talk to Mal later after he figures out Mal is a protector are shut down further because Mal is so angry at Mike for locking him away. It could take persistent effort on Mike’s part and consistently showing up for him to make Mal trust him again. Honesty, consistency and acceptance will allow Mal to drop his guard and see that Mike cares about him. Mal will eventually and reluctantly move into a physical protector role and stop being a persecutor.
I believe Mike never told his therapist about Mal. I believe the therapist knew he was hiding alters. The therapist wants to know why Mike is protecting Mal from her. Mike is shocked that the therapist knew that Mike was also, in a way, looking out for Mal.
I believe that Manitoba is completely aware of all trauma material and there is very few things that Manitoba doesn’t know about the system. I believe he knows the entire headspace and memories. I believe he chooses to stay out of emotional events.
I believe Mike's attachment to the so called "original personality" is his way of curbing the thought that he's broken. DID patients sometimes experience existential crisis when they found out they are part of a DID system, which is quite understandable.
I believe Mike would absolutely feel that way. I believe that Mike can't stand feeling like he's just one part of a broken plate, or a puzzle that's not been put together. Like he’s not a complete person. Mike is an alter, just like the rest of them. I believe Mike has yet to fully come to terms with that, tying back to my other theory that he is new to DID therapy. I believe he only met Vito and Manitoba during therapy, but he knew Chester and Mal before starting. I’m undecided on how well he knew Svetlana. Possibly he was somewhat aware of her but didn’t know her too well yet.
On normalcy - Mike is really obsessed with chasing this version of himself that he really wishes he was. He alluded to that in TDAS with this whole "me that I want to be" speech to Zoey. I believe that version of himself is one that feels more impressive, that isn't traumatised or mentally ill. One with total agency. Mike does not want to be the guy with the severe mental illness, or the guy with a difficult life. The guy people think is a loser.
Zoey will share a beautiful story about helping her dad out at his record store when she was 12 or 13 or how her Mum taught her how to knit and Mike will feel despair that he cannot share things like that. He doesn’t want to ruin the moment by saying how that same year he was in juvie, in a psychiatric ward or in a foster home. Zoey has felt loneliness and sadness, but her parents are amazing and possibly tried to compensate for their daughter’s lonely upbringing. I believe that Zoey was a high risk pregnancy and her parents were sorry to give her no siblings for company.
Mike dislikes the lack of positive nostalgia that he has. There is no stories of mum taking him to Disneyland sometimes or anything like that. Mike has no stories that he wants to share that help bond with others. The lack of positive life experiences is a pain of its own.
Mike wishes that trauma could’ve made him interesting and exciting like an action hero in a comic book or movie. It didn’t make him wiser or cleverer. It’s like this dull, sickening lump in his gut that he carries around all the time and he worries it’ll never leave. He has perpetual anxiety about the future.
I believe Mike has a hard time getting truly close to people. I think long term he will struggle romantically as he cannot pick and choose the version of himself he can present to Zoey (try as he might). When the relationship is just making out, planning dates and watching Star Wars - I have no doubt Mike is the perfect boyfriend. When the relationship demands him to extend facts about himself and his vulnerabilities then I think he will clam up very badly. I believe he will continue to be secretive with information about himself. I believe he can overcome that though.
I believe Mal views Zoey as a threat as she is someone who is trying to get close to Mike. Cameron is also a threat because he knows too much. Any mental health professional is also a threat. Mike regularly leaving the house, having a life, having friends and being on TDI is a major threat to safety according to Mal. Maybe what Mal demands will cause Mike to be miserable, isolated, friendless and heartbroken, but at least he’s safe.
I don’t think Mike ever cries. I think at some point in therapy he will, but I think he hasn’t cried since he was very little. I don’t think he knows how.
I have a lot more I could say, I just wanted to express some notes I had about Mike.
