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I write (sometimes)

[magicaldice]

── .✦ welcome to my tumblr

ʏᴇᴀʀɴɪɴɢ ɪꜱ ᴍʏ ɴᴀᴛᴜʀᴀʟ ꜱᴛᴀᴛᴇ ᴏꜰ ʙᴇɪɴɢ

ᴘʀᴏꜰᴇꜱꜱɪᴏɴᴀʟ ᴏᴠᴇʀᴛʜɪɴᴋᴇʀ, ɢᴇᴍ♊︎ɴɪ, ꜱᴛᴀʀ ʟᴏᴠᴇʀ

𝒸𝑜𝓂𝓅𝓁𝑒𝓍 𝓂𝒾𝓃𝒹, 𝓈𝒾𝓂𝓅𝓁𝑒 𝓈𝑜𝓊𝓁 ⋆˚꩜

✮⋆˙ masterlist ✮⋆˙ extra ✮⋆˙ rules

[magicaldice]

the quiet church girl gets curious & let’s her bestfriend matt sturniolo take her virginity.

religious themes. mentions drugs. sexual content.

Y/n was the definition of a “goodie goodie”.  She had been sheltered her whole life, her social life non-existent through high school as she only focused on her grades. She never went to parties, she never indulged in drugs and Sundays were strictly for church. She was known as the quiet church kid her whole life.

She was never a rebellious kid growing up, always respectful, the thought of breaking any laws spooked her. She was overall innocent, the most out of character thing she’d done was lie about being sick to get out of going to school. To which she then prayed to be forgiven as guilt swallowed her whole. 

But she had been out of school for a year now. She put all her time and energy into work, also still going to church every sunday. She had her own apartment now, and lots of alone time. Almost too much alone time. 

Her thoughts were stuck on the recent events that had happened with her best friend Matt Sturniolo. Matt and her had been friends since 6th grade. And although the two of them were very different, it didn’t stop the unbreakable bond they shared. 

In fact Matt was almost the complete opposite of y/n. He’s indulged in drugs, even sold some, partied, had premarital sex and the list of questionable things goes on. Y/n didn’t judge him for it though. She’d pray for his safety, and give him grace when he’d do messed up things. 

She knew Matt before he started doing all of that. They watched each other grow up, never judging each other through the drastic changes they went through. The bond they had, the connection, was very strong and very real.

Over the years of them growing up together y/n had developed a love for him that was incomparable to anyone else. He provided a sense of safety for her that she couldn’t quite find anywhere else. And as she was  judged by everybody else her whole life for being “innocent” and sheltered, Matt was never one of those people.

Even after high school the bond they had only continued to grow. Which leads to the circumstances they were in now. 

It was late at night when 3 weeks ago Matt had come over to y/n’s apartment. His eyes were red and low from being high as they laid on her bed together. His need to be close to her was always there, physical touch was a necessity for him. But on this particular night, the need to touch her was unbearable. 

“Wanna spend the night?” y/n asked. Matt played with her hair, “mhm” he hummed. Y/n smiled, looking into his glossed over eyes. “Can I tell you something?” she asked. “Yeah, what’s up?” he said. She let out a deep exhale, nervous and unsure if she should confess what was on her mind. 

“Sometimes I get curious about what weed feels like” she finally said. Matt’s eyes widened, “no. None of that” he said, immediately shutting her down. “I’m not saying I want to try it, I just get curious” she said. Matt grabbed onto her body, pulling her into his chest. 

“Why are you all the sudden curious about it?” he asked as he ran his fingers through her hair. Y/n shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t know, you always seem so happy and relaxed when you're high” she responded. 

His hand moved to her waist and pulled her into him even closer. “Weed is bad for you” he said before he grabbed onto her leg and pulled it over top of him. She was used to being physical with Matt. But she wasn’t used to this type of cuddling, she wasn’t used to how needy he was being.

“I know. It doesn’t stop the curiosity though” she said. He started to rub onto her lower back, the touch soothing, the touch hard for her to ignore. “What else are you curious about?” he asked. She suddenly became tense, the truth to the question making her feel overwhelmed. 

He noticed immediately. “What is it y/n? You can tell me” he said. A moment of silence passed, “sometimes I think about guys” she said. Matt’s hand stopped rubbing her back for a second, her words catching him off guard. 

“What exactly do you mean?” he asked before his hand returned to rubbing her back. A sudden shyness appeared in y/n’s demeanor. “Like you know- i’ve never even had a first kiss” she admitted, feeling embarrassed and vulnerable. 

Matt had always been attracted to y/n. In fact they’ve always found each other attractive, although y/n would never find the guts to admit that allowed. But Matt was very vocal about the way he felt about her from the start. Although he knew there were boundaries. He knew not to cross any lines. 

But the thought of y/n kissing another man unsettled him. And that’s when the idea popped into his head. 

Matt’s hand moved from her back to her hip, gripping onto her softly. “I can be your first kiss” he offered casually, his voice quieter than before. Y/n’s pulse quickened, the idea causing her to freak out internally. 

Y/n thought about it for a minute. “I don’t want you to kiss me out of pity” she said. He chuckled like something she said was deeply funny. “Nevermind forget I said anything” she said, feeling extremely embarrassed. She tried to wiggle her body out of his grip but he wasn’t letting go anytime soon. 

“Y/n, stop- it won't be from pity” he said in a reassuring tone. A pout formed on her lips, not fully convinced. He grabbed onto her, holding her in place against him. His fingers moved the dangling pieces of hair behind her ear. 

“But wouldn’t it be a bad idea to kiss?” she asked. He shook his head no, “we're bestfriends, if anything it’d make sense if I was your first kiss” he said. “Are you sure? I just don’t want things to be weird after” she said. Matt reassured her over and over, wanting her to feel safe and comfortable.

He stared into her eyes, the innocents she carried was slightly intimidating. “You trust me?” he asked. She nodded her head, “yeah. With my life” she whispered. His hand moved to caress her face like it was the most fragile part of her.

He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. Y/n felt adrenaline run through her veins, her heart pounding in her chest. She kissed him back, this sudden overwhelming need for more overpowering her. 

She shoved down the guilt, the irrational thoughts and the slight shame she felt as his hand found its way to her lower body. All the thoughts about being forgiven, what her parents would think, and the emotional turmoil disappeared when he gripped onto her ass.

He loved the taste of her lips, the sweet sin of her lips on his made him unbelievably hard. The kisses became hungrier, more passionate, but slow and sloppy. He was the first to pull back, “fuck” he mummered, his chest rising and falling at a fast pace. 

Y/n was confused by his actions, why would he pull away? “What? Was it bad? I’m sorry” she said, her cheeks heating up with a rosy pink color. “What? No- no” he started but was interrupted by y/n. 

“You didn’t like it? You don’t find me attractive?” she said, already assuming the worst. He quickly grabbed onto her hand and placed it onto his clothed dick, letting her feel how hard he was. 

She looked even more confused now, “why did you pull away then?” she asked. “If I didn’t stop then I wouldn’t have stopped at all” he said. She looked away for a moment, thinking, contemplating. 

“I didn’t want to stop, Matt. I need more” she said. His eyebrows raised, shocked by her boldness. “More?” he repeated. She nodded her head. She stared at him with something heavy behind her eyes, something he’d never seen from her before. 

Y/n had vocalized what she was comfortable with. 

He ate her pussy until she was begging for mercy, the guilt she once felt turned into shameless desire. An unbearable need. He loved the way she gripped onto his hair, her moans and how her body trembled when she came undone from just his tongue. 

After the high came down she laid on her bed naked and exposed, staring at the wall for a moment as she processed what just happened. Y/n grabbed the cross that she wore on her necklace and closed her eyes as anxiety coursed through her veins. 

When Matt came back from the bathroom he could tell she was struggling internally. “No- no baby. You're okay, you're still pure or whatever. I promise” he said, trying his best to comfort her. He pressed soft kisses to her forehead and cheeks, “you're okay” he said. 

A few weeks passed and y/n had found peace in knowing Matt was the first person to do anything sexual with her. Over time she started to replay the moments of him eating her out in her head. All of it was new to her, the feelings, the experience. 

Nothing changed between Matt and her. Afterall they were best friends since 6th grade. The only thing that changed was the way they sometimes shared kisses now. And feeling a new level of attachment and trust.

Y/n wasn’t dumb, she knew people who were just friends didn’t do the things they did. But she was too scared to ask if they were something more. He became more clingy with y/n, spending all his time and energy with her. Spent the night more often. But she still had the suspicion he was messing around with other girls. Well, because that's just how Matt was as a person.

She hated feeling like an option. Like just another girl that he got wrapped around his finger. But all the doubts she had would disappear the moment he was in front of her. He had a way of making her feel special, safe, and secure.

Tonight wasn’t any different. Well at least in the beginning. 

Y/n had convinced Matt to take her to a party with him. “I’m curious, I just wanna experience a party one time” she said. He shook his head, he could say no to a lot of people, but y/n wasn’t one of them. 

She was nervous walking into the party. The crowd of obnoxious people was intimidating at first. Girls whose bodies were practically on display from the lack of clothing shocked her, flashbacks of last Sunday's church service appeared in her mind. 

Matt let go of y/n’s hand the moment they entered the house. He leaned over, hovering over her ear, “go sit on the couch, im gonna go make a couple sales” he said. The thought of being alone in an environment like this sent chills up her spine but she listened to him. 

She sat on the couch, trying not to pay too much attention to the people that were making out a few cushions away. She fidgeted with the hem of her dress as she watched everybody dance, letting the music and drugs control their bodies. 

20 minutes later she was starting to miss Matt. A man with blonde hair sat down next to her, too close for her liking. “What are you doing here? Looking all bored and shit” he said. She hesitated, not exactly knowing how to respond. He chuckled. 

“Come on don’t be so shy” he said, placing a hand on her thigh. Her body tensed as she froze. She needed to find Matt, like now. The man smiled, loving how innocent she looked. “Let’s go dance, yeah?” he said before standing up and pulling her off the couch. 

She hated every moment, the awkwardness when telling him she didn’t know how to dance. The part where he grabbed onto her hips and guided her closer to him. “You wanna get a drink? It will help you loosen up” he said. She shook her head no as she searched around the room for Matt.“Whatever” the man said before walking away. 

Y/n was now lost in the crowd as she searched for Matt. She slipped past sweaty bodies, trying to keep her composure as she was carelessly shoved over and over. She was starting to freak out, everything starting to overwhelm her.

When she made it to the back of the house she was sure that Matt had left at this point since she couldn’t seem to find him. Until she noticed the back of his head standing by the kitchen counter.  

There was a group of girls surrounding him, one latched onto his arm whispering into his ear. “Matt” she yelled over the music. He didn’t turn around, didn’t even move an inch. She let out a deep exhale as she walked towards him.

“Matt” she repeated when she was closer. He turned around at the sound of his name being called. They locked eyes, everything around them disappearing for a moment. The girl that was latched onto his arm grabbed onto his shirt, pulling it to get his attention back. 

Y/n rolled her eyes before walking towards the front door. Tears started to form in her eyes as she reached for the door knob. “Y/n” she heard her name being called but ignored it and fastened the pace that she was walking.

When she reached outside she looked around. She didn’t know this neighborhood but she was determined to find her way back home. Y/n started to walk on the sidewalk, wiping tears from her eyes. 

She suddenly felt an arm enclose around her, “y/n, where are you going? What’s wrong?” a familiar voice said. She wiggled her way out of his grip, upset and overwhelmed. She turned around to face him. “I can’t do this Matt!” she yelled from frustration. 

He looked at her with a confused expression plastered on his face. “Do what, baby? What’s wrong?” he asked, worry and concern taking over him. She wiped a tear from her face, “you left me alone to go be with other girls” she said, her voice breaking at the last part. 

His face faltered, seeing her cry and so upset made him feel physically sick. “Y/n, I’m so sorry. I’m so- so sorry” he said, his arm reaching out for her. She sniffled, a mix of frustration and jealousy seeping beneath her skin. 

“Come here, baby” he said, pulling her into his chest. 

The car ride was back to his apartment was silent. Matt’s hand rested on her thigh the entire way, but no conversation was being had. She felt slightly foolish for crying, all of her feelings felt invalid. Because maybe it wasn’t her place to feel like this to begin with. She didn’t know where they stood. Or what they were. Or if they were anything at all.

Once they were in Matt’s bedroom she got under his blankets and closed her eyes. Matt turned the lamp and t.v. on before getting underneath the blanket with her. She turned to face the wall away from him. He couldn’t stand her silence. He couldn’t stand knowing he made her feel like this. It was killing him.

“Y/n, come here please” he said. “I’m right here” she said. “No baby, I mean come closer” he said, something close to desperation lacing his tone. The sound of his voice got to her. She turned to face him, “hmm” she hummed. 

“I’m sorry, I was in the process of making sales. I shouldn’t have left you alone and i’ll never put you in that position again” he said, his hand coming up to caress her face. She knew she accepted his apology. But she couldn’t get the image of that girl clinging onto his arm out of her mind. 

“She was all over you” y/n said quietly. Matt looked perplexed for just a moment before the look of realization appeared on his face. “Is that what this is about?” he asked. “The girls?” he said. Y/n looked away from him, hesitating, trying to come up with a lie quick enough. 

“Ohh- my poor baby- come here” he coaxed, grabbing onto y/n’s body and pulling her into him. He ran his fingers through her hair, “the girls don’t mean anything to me, their fast money is all” he said. But y/n wasn’t convinced.

Matt noticed her lack of response and hated it. “Y/n look at me-” he started, grabbing onto her jaw and forcing her to make eye contact, “... I wanna make you feel better but I need you to communicate” he said. 

“I don’t love any other girl besides you, I don’t want anyone besides you baby” he said, trying to get it through her head how serious he was. She stared at him, her eyes full of something undecipherable. 

“What is it baby? Huh?” he said, trying to get her to talk. “You let her touch you” y/n finally said. Matt stared back at y/n, noticing the way she avoided eye contact. And then he connected the dots. 

“You don’t want anyone to touch me? Huh? Is that it baby?” he said. The way she was still avoiding eye contact gave him his answer. He knew y/n too well. A slight smile appeared on his face. 

He brought his thumb to her bottom lip, brushing it slightly. He parted her lips, just a little, with his thumb. “Say it, baby. I want you to tell me” he said. She finally locked eyes with him. 

She wanted to tell him, she really did. But she didn’t wanna come off as controlling or insecure. The way he stared at her though was dangerous, “you can do it baby, tell me, use your big girl words” he coaxed. 

“I- I don’t want anyone to touch you, or vice versa” she said. “You're so greedy” he said with a smile. Y/n didn’t laugh or even smile, she looked away almost as if she was embarrassed. “I’m just joking y/n, I’m all yours. Only yours” he said.

“You want me all to yourself?” he said as if he needed clarification. She nodded her head. “Yeah? What else do you want?” he asked. She shrugged her shoulders. He stared at her some more, he could tell she was censoring herself, trying to hide behind a mask of some sort. 

Y/n had all sorts of thoughts running through her head. She wanted him all to herself, she wanted to feel his love, his heart and his touch. She wanted it all. There was so many times within the past few weeks she’d ask god to forgive the unholy thoughts that appeared in her head.

He leaned into her, his lips hovering over hers. But he wasn’t going to kiss her until he knew she wanted him to. He watched as she tried to stay still, the closeness, the temptations, all of it was too much. 

“Tell me what you want baby” he said. This time the name “baby” making her stomach flip. “I want you” she said. “What part of me, angel?” he asked. “All of you” she responded.

He leaned in and pressed his lips against hers. The kisses were soft at first, slow and steady. His hand gripped onto her waist, pulling her further into him. 

She pulled back “Matt” she said, her self control already slipping. “I need you” she whispered. He stared into her eyes, a mix of desperation and desire in her pupils. He was already hard just by looking into her eyes, his cock twitching at the thought of having her underneath him.

“Are you sure?” he asked. “Yes” she responded. “Okay, I need you to take everything off for me, angel” he said. She nodded her head as she started with the cross necklace around her neck, setting it onto the bedside table next to them. 

Once she was fully naked she tried to cover herself with the blanket. “Don’t hide yourself from me” Matt said before pulling the blanket off of her slowly. She felt exposed, vulnerable in a way that she never had before. Matt was practically salivating over her, in awe how perfect her body was.

He took off his clothes, starting with his shirt and then his jeans. When he finally stood there in nothing but his boxers he asked once more if she was sure. To which she replied yes.

He got onto the bed and stripped out of his boxers. Y/n was a nervous wreck but the moment his lips landed on hers she had regained some peace. His touch grounding, while reminding her she’s safe. 

“Let me know if you wanna stop at any moment” he said against her lips. She nodded her head before kissing him, this time with hunger and need. His hand traveled from her breast to her lower body, pausing when he reached her inner thigh. “Please” she said, needily. 

His fingers glided through her slick folds, “fuck, your soaking angel” he murmured. He let his finger rub deliberately slow circles against her sensitive bud, causing her to let out small whimpers. 

He enjoyed watching her squirm from the simple touches, he watched her facial expressions change, finding amusement in the way she struggled to control herself. She let out soft whines as he circled her clit, the quiet sounds she made already sending him over edge.

“Need to stretch you baby, is that okay?” he asked. She nodded her head, “be gentle” she whispered. He stuck a finger inside her entrance, the new feeling causing y/n to gasp. Matt waited to move his finger until she was adjusted and gave him the green light.

He penetrated slowly, cautiously and with precision before adding a second finger. She held onto his bicep with a tight grip as her walls enveloped his fingers. Whimpers fell from her mouth, “doing so good for me” he praised. 

Matt loved the sound of her little cries, the way her body was so reactive, the way her pussy was clenching around his fingers. “Matt” she let out, breathing heavy, the pleasure making her head feel fuzzy. 

He was aware that doing something like this was new to her. That this feeling, this experience could be overwhelming or anxiety inducing. So he was as gentle as he could be, despite his reputation of being rough and reckless. 

But this was y/n, his best friend, the one that cried while watching sappy movies, the one who caught bugs and let them outside instead of killing them on the spot because she had too much empathy, the one who was known for being innocent, the one he loved deeply. 

So even though her quiet whimpers, and the way her body squirmed, the way she gripped onto his bicep like it was the only thing holding her down to earth, made him want to plow into her and fuck her until her legs were shaking, he catered to her like it was his lifes mission. 

Y/n was breathing hard, the slight mix of pain and pleasure made her fall apart in his arms. He rubbed her bundle of nerves while letting his fingers push in and out of her. “Matt” she panted, her nails digging into his skin. 

He slid his fingers all the way out causing her to let out a desperate whine. “Please” she said, hating how empty she felt. He moved his position, towering over her now. She stared up at him through her lashes, the anticipation killing her. 

He brought his hand to her face, caressing her cheek. His finger brushed her bottom lip, “you gonna be good for me, baby?” he asked. His finger slipped past her lips and into her mouth as she stared back at him while sucking onto his finger and nodding her head. “Such a good girl” he said as he stared at y/n in awe.

Seconds later he was lining himself up with her entrance. He slid his dick through her wet, soaking folds before pushing inside of her. Y/n gasped at the sensation, his big and veiny cock sliding in easily. 

“Fuck, angel” he whispered. She gripped onto his arms, bracing herself as he let himself slide into her fully. “You okay?” he asked attentively. “Yes” she spoke, staring up into his eyes. So trusting, so willing. 

He started to penetrate slowly, not wanting to overwhelm her with intensity. He looked down to where their bodies connected, a sight he would never forget. Moans slipped from her mouth before she bit down onto her hand, trying to silence herself.

“No baby, wanna hear you” he said before moving her hand away from her mouth. Her nails dug into his back as he fastened the pace of his strokes. He watched as her breast bounced from the movement and already felt himself trying not to cum.

They locked eyes, she looked at him like he was her salvation. She held his gaze, in a trance that she was okay with being in. He moved the hair out of her face before leaning down to kiss her lips. 

She moaned into his mouth, needy, eager. Her pussy squeezed around his cock while messy moans came out of both their mouths. “You feel like heaven baby” he said against her lips, as he started letting the strokes of his cock become slower, longer, each thrust intentional. 

Y/n was drowning in pleasure, fully basking in the dirty sin that tasted like sugar and felt like pure euphoria. She couldn’t form any coherent thoughts as his dick started to repeatedly hit her spot. 

Matt was devoted to making her feel good. He leaned down into her some more as he placed open mouth kisses onto her neck, nibbling down onto her flesh just enough to send her body into a spiral of satisfaction. 

Tears formed in y/n’s eyes as the band in her belly became closer to snapping. “Let go for me angel, just let go” he encouraged. His voice, the words, his touch, all of it became too much, an erotic feeling crashed upon her as she finally came undone underneath him. 

“That’s it baby, good girl, so good for me” he said, as she let out uncontrollable moans. His strokes became sloppy, his cock buried deep inside her. He pulled out at the last second and released on her bare stomach. 

Y/n’s cheeks were flushed as she sat looking at the spurts of come on her skin. He plopped down next to her for a moment, trying to catch his breath. Y/n looked over at him, watching as he ran his hands through his messy hair. 

She looked back down at her stomach, feeling awkward, feeling exposed. She didn’t know whether to move or not, she didn’t know what people did after having sex. So she slowly but surely started to get up, even though her body was weak and her legs were trembling. 

“Woah, woah, what are you doing?” Matt asked, concerned and confused as he grabbed onto her, forcing her to lay back down. “Uh, I don’t know. I just thought I should get cleaned or something” she said.

“Baby, let me take care of you. I was just catching my breath” he said. Y/n nodded her head and watched him walk out of the room before returning with a washcloth. “Just be still, you're okay” he said as he started to wipe the mess off of her. 

After he cleaned her he laid back down in the bed, fully focused on making sure y/n felt secure, safe and comfortable. He grabbed onto her naked body and cuddled her, placing soft kisses onto her bare shoulder while stroking her hair. 

“Are you feeling okay? Do you want something to eat or drink?” he asked. She didn’t answer right away, not for any other reason than she was still lost in his touch. But Matt didn’t recognize that so his brain automatically assumed the worst and overthinking kicked in.

“What’s going on in your mind? Tell me what you need. I’ll do anything for you baby just let me know” he said, worry in his voice. Before she could answer he started again “listen I don’t want you to overthink. God still loves you and stuff, he understands you're human” he said, trying his best to comfort her. 

She understood that he now thought she was feeling ashamed or guilty when that wasn’t farther from the truth. “Matt, I love you” she said. “I love you too, I just want you to feel okay angel” he spoke. She turned around to face him, both of them still naked, both of them still feeling the sex after affects. 

“What’s wrong y/n?” he asked. So worried, so clueless. She smiled, a light giggle falling from her lips. A look of confusion appeared on Matt’s face. She leaned in to place a soft kiss on his lips. 

“Do you need or want anything?” he asked. She nodded her head yes. He waited for her to elaborate. “I wanna go again” she whispered. His eyebrows raised, something similar to shock crossed over him. 

“You wanna go again?” he said. She smiled and nodded her head shyly before kissing his lips again. His cock was already hard again, a smile forming on his face. “It’s always the quiet ones” he said before immediately rolling over ontop of her. She giggled as he smothered her cheeks with kisses. 

author note: it’s 2 am & I can’t sleep so I wrote this! good morning. good evening. goodnight.

[magicaldice]

obsessed.

[magicaldice]

This is genuinely one of my favorite tiktok’s of Matt’s. There’s something about it that fucks me up in the best way possible everytime I watch it.

[magicaldice]

completed masterlist & summary.

trigger warnings: drug use. slight angst. “micro cheating”. sexual content.

A.A.O is a 10 part series with Matt Sturniolo and Y/n.

Matt Sturniolo was born into wealth, he’s someone who has never known struggle. He’s used to comfort, stability, and being content with the way he lives his life.

He’s in a relationship when he meets y/n. And although the relationship seems to be perfect from the outside, fancy dinners, money, status he can’t help but want more. He yearns for more substance, something that felt real. He secretly thrives off emotional intimacy.

Y/n is a hardworking girl who fights to stay afloat. Shes someone who counts every dollar. Shes finds comfort in chaos but craves stability on every level.

She has a small circle when she meets Matt. No parents, no family, only her one close friend who she works with at the cafe. She refuses to give men her time. She’s not built for casual, she needs connection, something beyond surface level, real depth.

When the two of them cross paths in an inconvenient way, they get to know each other beyond their differences. They build a connection that spirals into something much more against all odds.

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5

part 6 part 7 part 8 part 9 final part.

comment down below to be added to this series taglist!!!

[magicaldice]

synopsis: A.A.O is a story of pushing boundaries, conflicting emotions, questioning morality and a connection between two people who debate risking everything for a love that is more than real.

final part

previous chapter. series masterlist

It’d been a rough couple days. I was drowning in my own thoughts constantly. I hadn’t talked to Matt since the day I left his mansion crying. And it was tearing me apart. I tried picking up extra shifts at the cafe, spent too many hours doomscrolling, and even considered going out to the clubs and bars.

But after a couple days I couldn’t keep distracting myself. I had to sit with it. Sit with the hurt, the guilt, the heavy heart. It was a constant cycle of feeling intense emotions, until getting exhausted and eventually feeling numb.

I didn’t reach out to him despite wanting to. And he didn’t reach out either. Which only made me feel worse about the situation. He was the first person I ever felt like I truly loved, and the first person I ever felt truly loved by. My heart was torn. 

Today was no different. It felt like I was trying to grieve someone who was alive while working. I felt half dead closing the cafe tonight with Kylie. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow girl, please take care of yourself and get some rest” she said before walking out of the cafe doors. I clocked out and grabbed my purse, feeling exhausted, feeling numb.

Once I was at the cafe doors I shoved the key into the lock, double checking to make sure it was locked. Once I knew the cafe doors were fully locked I started my walk to my car. 

The drive home was silent. I tried thinking of what to eat for dinner but I had no appetite despite my stomach growling. I thought about what I could do tomorrow for my day off to keep myself busy but no ideas came. 

After a while I was finally in my apartment. I had taken a long shower, letting the water revive me. I had laid down on my living room’s couch staring at the ceiling for probably an hour before putting on a random show to watch. 

I was two seconds away from falling asleep before hearing a knock on my door. I almost thought I dreamed it before I heard the knocks again. I got up from my couch and opened my front door without checking the peephole. 

My heart dropped, time froze, and every emotion that I had been trying to escape was suddenly hitting me 10x harder as Matt stood in front of me. “Matt” I said, not even able to comprehend him being in front of me.

He gave a tired smile, letting out a deep breath. “Y/n” he said. A moment of silence passed. “What are you doing here?” I asked, still in shock. He looked down at the floor and then back up at me. “Can we talk please?” he asked. 

I stared at him, conflicted, torn. “Go home Matt” I said before trying to shut the door. But he put his arm in the door, forcing it open. “Y/n, please” he said, desperation in his voice as the door swung back open. 

“Let’s just go on a drive or something, anything, I just need to talk to you” he said. 

And even though I really didn’t know where this would lead, and the safer option was to stay home, I didn’t have the will power to try and fight it anymore. I gave in easily. 

The drive was silent at first, both of us realizing that we were finally back in each other’s presence. My stomach growled, reminding me that I haven't eaten or drank anything today besides 2 espresso shots at the cafe.

“Have you ate?” he asked. “Mhm” I hummed. It wasn’t the truth, I knew it and apparently he did too because he drove us to one of the first places we ever got food together. We sat in the drive thru of the local restaurant.  “Matt, I'm not hungry” I said. “Eating isn’t an option y/n, it’s mandatory” he said. 

He grabbed the bags of food from the drive thru window and parked in the parking lot. He handed me a burger, the smell making my stomach growl even more. We let some soft music from his radio play in the background as we ate the food. 

An hour passed and we had been driving with no destination for awhile. Still no conversations happening, no words being exchanged. Just us two in his car, so close to each other yet so distant.

My phone dinged, a message from Kylie appearing. I opened the message to respond when I felt the car slow down, a stoplight turning red. I stared at kylie’s message, a simple text that said “I love you, sleep well”. 

“Who are you texting?” Matt asked, a hint of possessiveness in his voice. His words completely threw me off guard. I looked over at him and chuckled, “my friend, why does it matter?” I asked. He shrugged his shoulders, “just wondering” he said, trying to be subtle, casual. 

I looked back up at the road, just now noticing we were by pine road. “Where are we going?” I asked. He shrugged his shoulders, even though he knew exactly where he was taking you. We turned the corner, his mansion coming into view. 

“Matt” I said, realizing we were driving to his place. He didn’t answer, he just kept driving. “Matt, stop, take me home” I said, my nerves spiking. “Calm down, we’re just gonna talk inside” he said. “Matt” I repeated. He looked over at me, “we’re just gonna talk” he said.

We started to bicker, arguing about whether or not I was going to go back into his mansion. “Fine, but only for a little bit” I said, finally giving into him. We walked inside and headed straight to his bedroom. 

I sat on his bed, getting goosebumps as flashbacks of the last time I was in his room flooded my memory. He sat down at his desk, “so what have you been doing since I saw you last?” I asked. He looked up at me, “nothing too interesting” he said. I nodded my head.

Silence fell over us as I stared down at the floor. I fidgeted with my hands, anxiety starting to settle underneath my skin. “What about you?” he asked. I shrugged my shoulders, “nothing really” I said. 

“You look tired” he said. “I am” I responded truthfully. He nodded his head. I pulled out my phone, pretending to be distracted. “Y/n” he said. I looked up from my phone, “yeah?” I said. He let out a deep breath. “I’m sorry” he said. I set my phone down.

“I’ve thought about what I would say to you over and over if I have the chance but my mind is going blank” he said. “Mine too” I responded. “I just- I need you to know that I don’t want to lose you” he said. 

I didn’t know how to respond. Because the truth is I didn’t want to lose him either. I didn’t want to lose the one person who made me feel alive, who made me feel safe and content. But another part of me, the part that operates from fear, was still currently in charge.

“I think we should stay friends Matt” I said. His facial expression wavered, like his mind was boggled by my words. “Friends?” he asked. I nodded my head. He chuckled and shook his head.

“No y/n, I can’t let us be just friends. Not when I feel this way about you” he said. “Then I don’t know what to tell you” I said defensively.

In reality I didn’t want to stay just friends either. I was so in love with him. So hopelessly in love. But I knew that staying friends was the safest option. And it meant I didn’t have to question if he loved me back or not, and whether I was worthy of his love. 

“Y/n, we’re not friends, okay? I wouldn’t have these kinds of thoughts about someone I considered just a friend” he said. I stood up from his bed, “okay, take me home” I said. He scoffed, “i’m not taking you home” he said.

“Take me home Matt” I demanded. “No, stop pretending you don’t feel the same way. Why are you acting like we have to hide? Like this is wrong or that you're confused y/n” he said before standing up from his desk.

I felt cornered. I felt like he was forcing me to face my emotions head on and it started to overwhelm me. I was scared. I was so scared of what he would think if he knew how much I truly cared. If he knew just how much I loved him. 

“I care Matt, so much, but please-” I started but was quickly interrupted by him. “Y/n I sit and think about what our life could be if you would just let it happen” he said, his body language full of intense emotion.

“Oh please, you didn’t really expect to have some kind of fantasy future with me Matt, did you?” I said harshly, coming from a place of denial. He scoffed as he pinched the bridge of his nose, clearly stressing.

“Yes, y/n. I want a future with you. I want to wake up with you in my bed everyday, be there through every phase. I want to be there through every setback, every accomplishment. I wanna take you to new york or italy, I want to be yours and I want you to be mine. Why is that so hard for you to believe?” he said, frustration lacing his tone as he stepped closer to me.

“I want to hear every idea that pops up in your head. I want to know every fear, every desire, everything in between” he said, his voice filled with raw emotion. 

“I want to travel the world with you. I want to bicker in the early mornings about small shit. I want to decide what’s for dinner every night together” he said, his feelings pouring out so ruthlessly. 

Tears were forming in my eyes, “Matt” I said, quietly. “Why are you running, why?” he said sternly. “I’m not running!” I yelled as tears fell from my eyes. “Yes you are! Out of all things to fear you chose to fear love y/n!” he said, his voice louder but not harsh or mean. Tears started to roll down my cheek.

“Just let me fucking love you” he said, clear desperation in his voice. My heart dropped. “What did you say?” I said, even though I heard him loud and clear. My heartbeat skipped a beat as he stepped closer to me. “Yes y/n, I love you” he said, taking another step until he stood directly in front of me. Our eyes locked as he stared down at me, my heartbeat pacing faster than it’d ever have before.

“It wasn’t your body that made me realize I loved you. It had nothing to do with sexual desire. It wasn’t lust. Or boredom. Or superficial infatuation. It was your mind. It was your demeanor, your character as a whole. I didn’t want or need sex to feel connected to you” he said, his feelings starting to shamelessly flow out of him.

“Even after spending hours of trying to compromise and comprehend my own understanding of how and why I feel this way, all of it leads to the conclusion that I just love you. And that it doesn’t matter if it’s right or wrong, it just matters that I feel it and that I feel it deeply” he said, our eyes still locked. 

He brought his hand up to my face, caressing my cheek gently. I blinked as his words sunk into my brain, my soul, my heart. “Say something” he said, his voice quiet almost as if he was nervous, like he was two seconds away from falling apart.

“I love you too” I whispered, the words leaving my mouth feeling like I had finally broken free. He smiled, his eyes flickering from my lips to my eyes. “Say it again” he said, voice barely above a whisper. “I love you” I said, this time more confidently. 

He smiled before moving his hands to my waist. He pulled me into him and stared down into my eyes. “Kiss me, Matt” I said. He searched my eyes, almost if he was checking to see if that’s actually what I wanted. I nodded slightly. 

He leaned down, our lips hovering for a moment. We both leaned in, our lips finally pressing together. The kiss was slow and steady, gentle despite the burning, deadly passion that lingered underneath our skin. 

As we pulled away from each other a string of saliva lingered between our lips. His grip on my waist tightened slightly. Our foreheads rested against each other, “I wanna feel you” I said, quietly. His jaw clenched, like he was trying his best to hold restraint. 

“Are you sure?” his voice quiet and soft. “Yes, Matt. Please” I whispered. He nodded his head, “take everything off, angel” he said. Adrenaline rushed through my veins. I took a step back from him and started with my shirt. 

Both of our shirts were on the floor by now, I watched as he unbuckled his belt. I unclasped my bra, my bare chest exposed. I stripped off my pants, leaving me almost fully naked besides my panties. 

I walked over to his bed and sat down. He took his pants off and stood there in his boxers. He stepped in front of me, his hand grabbing onto my legs to part them. I looked up at him through my lashes, the anticipation clawing at me from within. 

His bulge was poking through his boxers, the size intimidating. He got onto the bed and laid next to me. His hands roamed all over my body as our tongues started to intertwine. Salvia, passion and desire mixing together. 

His hand grabbed onto my breast before his mouth enveloped around it, he sucked onto the ball of flesh lightly, leaving love marks that only the two of us could see. His hand moved down between my thighs, his fingers sliding smoothly over my skin.

He played with the waistband of my panties, testing the waters. He moved his mouth back to my lips, kissing me softly while an intense need ran through our bodies. He slid his fingers over my entrance, the fabric of my panties soaking, sticky, and proof of how badly I needed him.

His simple touches were already sending me over the edge. “Gonna take these off of you, is that okay?” he asked. I nodded my head, more than eager, more than ready. He propped himself up, positioning himself between my legs. He smoothly slid off my panties, leaving me completely exposed and naked now. 

He leaned over, his body pressing into mine. Our lips attacking one anothers, so hungry, so needy, so desperate. His finger rubbed circles into my clit, my body on fire as his tongue swirled against mine. 

I moaned into his mouth, unable to control the obvious desperation. He slid his fingers between my folds before plunging his finger inside of my pussy. I let out whimpers, grabbing onto his bicep, hoping to keep myself in tact. 

He added a finger, my body already feeling an immense amount of pleasure. He continued to study my expressions and energy, learning what makes me feel good, learning what sends me over the edge, learning my body. 

My body started to squirm, the pleasure so good, my body melting, already in a state of bliss. He continued to press kisses on my mouth. I tried to kiss him back but I was struggling, moaning into his mouth was the only thing I could do for reciprocity. 

After a couple more minutes the belly in my band snapped, I came undone just from his fingers. Embarrassingingly quick. “Matt” I cried out, my nails leaving moon shaped crescents in his skin. He chuckled,  “we’re not done pretty girl” he said before stripping out of his boxers. 

I stared at him, completely gone already, body limp, a mess between my legs. He towered over me, “you okay?” he asked, attentively. His forehead rested against mine, my breathing still unsteady. I nodded my head, still collecting myself, still trying to process all of this.

“If you need me to stop just tell me, okay?” he said. I nodded my head as he started to place gentle kisses on my cheek. He pulled away from me so our eyes could lock. He pulled my legs apart cautiously. 

He lined himself up with my entrance. He teased my entrance with the tip of his dick, he watched me squirm, loving how needy I was getting. He stuck the tip in before pulling straight back out. “Matt, please” I whined.

He finally pushed in slowly, letting my walls envelope his thick, long veiny, cock. My jaw dropped and my head fell back, “fuckkk” Matt let out, his jaw clenching. After letting me adjust to his size he started to slowly penetrate.

He grabbed onto my hands, interlocking them and placing them above my head as he pushed in and out of my soaking pussy. “Matt” I cried out, tears already forming. “Your okay baby, you're doing so good” he praised. 

He thrusted deeper into my cunt, loud moans escaped my mouth. “That’s it pretty girl, let me hear you” he encouraged. I closed my eyes, the intense pleasure taking over my body. He grabbed onto my jaw, “no baby, keep your eyes open” he said.

He stared down into my eyes, a mix of love and euphoria in the direct center of his dilated pupils. He leaned into me, our lips finding one another. “I love you y/n” he said against my lips. “So much” he said, thrusting even deeper, his dick kissing my cervix.

“I love you too” I cried out. He moved his position a little, gripping onto my leg and placing it over his shoulder. The new position granted access to more pleasure. He leaned into me, desperate cries of pleasure leaving my mouth. 

“Oh my god- fuck” I managed to get out. His body against mine, our hearts in sync, melting into a state of complete rapturous touch. The squelching sounds of our juices mixing together only sent me over the edge more. 

His finger started to rub deliberately slow circles against my clit as his dick repeatedly hit my spot. The sensations were overwhelming, intense, intoxicating. Tears rolled down my cheek, “oh my poor baby” he dragged out with fake sympathy before moving my hair out of my face.

I was losing myself in him. Completely consumed by the moment and his touch. I was slowly but surely getting lost in the skin to skin. I was unraveling by the second, savoring every moment I could. 

My vision was starting to blur, I looked up at the crystal chandelier glistening in my eyes. I felt our energies intertwine, becoming one, it truly felt like a spiritual experience. Matt removed my legs from his shoulder, coming back down to lean into me. His need to be closer, need to give me more pleasure was overpowering. 

“Fuck” I cried, my nails scratching at his back. “Your okay baby, you can take it” he encouraged. And just like that the band in my belly snapped, cries and whimpers escaping my mouth as I fell apart underneath him. My walls convulsed around his cock, an exotic feeling crashing over me.

He stared down at me with a big smile, “good girl, so good baby” he said against my lips. His thrust became sloppy, his control slowly slipping. Moments later his hot seed spilled into me, coating my walls. 

We laid there skin to skin for awhile, holding onto each other and soaking in every minute. He pressed soft kisses onto my cheek, my chest and forehead. We eventually got up and took a shower together.

When we laid back down in bed, snuggled up and cozy, only then did I process just how much my heart was radiating a type of love that was unforgettable, life changing even. 

He massaged his fingers into my scalp, our bodies tangled in one another. We were quiet for a while. Basking in each other’s presence. Until he finally broke the silence. 

“So what’s next?” he asked. “What do you mean?” I responded. “Italy or new york? Which one do you wanna go to first?” he asked. I let out a light giggle. “I’m serious” he said. His words took a minute to process.

“You’re serious?” I asked. “Mhm” he hummed. “I don’t know, I don’t really know if I have the funds for all of that” I said truthfully. “I didn’t ask if you had the funds to travel the world with me y/n. I asked where you wanna go first” he said, his fingers still massaging my scalp. 

“I don’t know about all of that” I said. “What don’t you know, angel?” he said. “I’ve always wanted to travel, I just don’t know what the world has to offer. There’s so many possibilities of what could happen” I responded. “That’s exactly why we should go” he argued.

“I can book us flights anytime y/n. It doesn’t have to be today or tomorrow. Just sometime in the future” he said. I nodded my head, a wave of gratitude hitting me. I listened to his steady heartbeat as my head rested on his chest. 

 “You're so sure about everything” I said. “What do you mean?” he asked. “Just seems like you're so sure about everything… about us… about our future” I said. A moment of silence passed. “I’m not sure about a lot of things, y/n. I don't know what the future holds. I don’t know where we’ll be in 5 years from now or anything. But I am sure that I refuse to accept a life where you're not in it” he said. Tears started to form in my eyes.

“I love you” I whispered. “I love you more” he said. 

Love always wins. Against all odds. 

author note: thank you to everyone who interacted & showed support during this series. I love you all. stay sexyyyy :)

taglist:

@courta13 @summerupdup @aoneso

[magicaldice]

synopsis: A.A.O is a story of pushing boundaries, conflicting emotions, questioning morality and a connection between two people who debate risking everything for a love that is more than real.

part 9

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Matt’s POV:

I woke up with y/n wrapped around me, her body half way on mine sleeping peacefully as she drooled on my chest. It was such a pleasant sight, a feeling of admiration washed over me. I wanted this to be a daily thing, I needed this to be a daily thing. 

I watched her body rise and fall with every breath she took. I was in awe, I was star struck. I loved watching her sleep, looking so content, so peaceful. But I couldn’t wait for her to wake up. I could stay like this forever.

I knew when I met her she was different. She was rare. She was real. 

I knew that even when I was in a relationship when I first met y/n i’d do anything to make her mine. I’d do anything to be able to have her all to myself. And I didn’t care if that was selfish or wrong.

I’ve spent this whole morning thinking of how I truly felt about y/n. Thinking about how these have been the best couple months of my life. She made me feel things I’d never felt before. Which made me spiral into thinking about what all of this meant. 

And I knew what it meant, I knew from the beginning. I didn’t need a sign or someone to tell me what this was. It was so clear. Clearer than it’d ever been. Even when I was in denial, even when I shoved it down. I knew what this was. 

It was love. I was in love. 

And I didn’t care about the risk it had, all I knew is that she was worth it. Everything about her was beyond worth it. And I had no doubt about it in my heart or mind. 

I started to massage my fingers into her scalp out of habit, not realizing it would wake her up. She stirred awake, she stretched her body out while yawning. And I couldn’t help but feel so happy to wake up next to her, to be in her presence. 

Y/n’s POV:

I yawned and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. I looked over at Matt who’s eyes were already focused on me. He had a smile on his face, a real genuine smile. “Matt” I said, pulling the blankets over my body, still so cozy and comfortable in his bed. 

“Did you sleep okay?” he asked, as he grabbed my body and pulled me into him. “Mhm” I said smiling. “Good” he said. “I have to ask you a question” I said. His eyebrows furrorwed for a moment, curiosity plastered on his face. 

“What is it?” he asked. “When were you gonna tell me that you were a crazy talented painter?” I asked. His eyes widen, a look of surprise on his face. I giggled at his reaction. “You didn’t think you could keep it a secret from me, did you?” I asked with a smile on my face.

He put his hands over his face before pinching the bridge of his nose. “You found it, didn’t you?” he asked. I nodded my head, “you had all of these crazy creative paintings, and you just weren’t gonna tell me about them at all” I said, teasing him. 

He shook his head, “well, now you know” he said. I laughed again, “you had this specific painting though that really caught my eye” I said. “Which one might that be?” he asked. “I don’t know, it was of this really pretty looking girl, almost looked like she had the same necklace as me and everything” I said, grabbing onto the necklace on my neck. 

“Oh, really?” he asked playfully. “I wonder who it could be” he joked, pulling me on top of him. I straddled him effortlessly. I giggled, “I’ve never had someone paint me before” I said. He grabbed onto my hips, “you make me feel things, it just happens to manifest into something tangible, something to the point of creation” he said staring up into my eyes.

“You're actually so ridiculous” I laughed, failing at my attempt to hide my smile. “There’s nothing ridiculous about the way I feel about you” he responded. Before I could respond he smoothly flipped our bodies, his body now laid between my legs and I laid underneath him. 

My heartbeat picked up, his face inches away from mine. And without giving it a second thought I leaned in, pressing my lips against his. He returned the kiss as my hand cupped his jaw. He pulled away just to lock eyes with me. 

“You're so beautiful y/n” he said. I smiled, “thank you” I whispered. “Are you hungry?” he asked. I nodded my head, he pulled himself off me and walked across his bedroom to his closet.

“Will you check what time it is” he said. I looked around the bed searching for my phone. My eyes landed on his phone that sat on the nightstand. I grabbed his phone and pressed the power button.

“It’s 10:23 am” I said before noticing the tons of missed calls he received. 

Missed call from sophie 6:23 am

Missed call from sophie 6:39

Missed call from sophie 6:54

Missed call from sophie 7:12

Missed call from sophie 7:32

Missed call from sophie 7:42

I stared down at the notifications for a moment before setting his phone back down on the night stand. A pit in my stomach forming. “When is the last time you talked to Sophie?” I asked, watching him grab a shirt from his closet.

He walked back over to the bed and sat down next to me. “When I broke up with her” he responded. I observed his energy, trying to detect lies and energy. “You sure?” I asked. A look of confusion appeared on his face, “yeah, why?” he asked. 

I grabbed onto his phone and handed it to him. He looked confused before looking down at his phone screen. He scrolled through the missed calls. “I don’t know why she’s calling me, I forgot to block her number” he said.

A moment of silence passed. I stared off into space thinking of what to say next. Thinking of us. “You sure that you and Sophie are done for?” I asked. He looked like he was in disbelief at the question. 

“Y/n, I'm sure. Me and her are done for good” he said. I nodded my head slowly, still stuck in my head. Still thinking of us. “But why?” I asked suddenly. Our eyes locked, a look of hesitation appeared on his face. 

“What do you mean why?” he asked. “Why did you guys even break up?” I questioned. Something undecipherable in his eyes lingered. He looked away from me, his mouth agape like he wanted to speak but no words came out. 

“Why?” I asked again. He turned to look at me, hesitation written all over his face, “you know why” he said. My heart sunk into my stomach. I stared back at him, guilt crashing over me. “No” I said, shaking my head. “What do you mean no?” he asked, worry in his voice.

I sat up and stood from his bed, “no” I said once again before searching for my phone in his bed. “Y/n what do you mean no?” he said, panic slowly creeping in his voice. I turned away from him, my eyes landing on his desk where my phone was. 

I quickly walked over to grab my phone before grabbing my dress that laid on the floor. “Y/n” he said. I ignored him, immediately powering my phone on and going to the uber app. Matt walked over to me, confused and worried.

“Y/n, talk to me” he said. “I can’t do this Matt” I said, trying to be patient as the uber app wasn’t loading. “What do you mean? I thought this is what you wanted?” he said. “Wanted what?” I exclaimed. “Wanted us” he responded, his voice raising just a tiny bit.

I scoffed and shook my head. “Matt, I care about you so much. But I can’t be the reason you broke up with Sophie” I said. I refused to look him in the eyes as I stared at my phone screen. He stood there for a moment silent, as if he was completely dumbfounded. 

“I’m sorry but I need to leave” I said, wishing the uber app would stop buffering and load faster. “No. Don’t leave” he said before taking a step closer to me. I backed away, “I need to leave” I said, tears forming in my eyes.

“Y/n stop- just stop- breathe” he pleaded. “Sophie is nothing to me y/n, it was a surface level relationship” he said. I shook my head as tears started to cloud my vision. “I knew that I needed you since the day at the garden” he said, slowly taking a step closer to me. 

“Stop” I said, backing away from him again. “You mean so much to me, please y/n, just breathe” he begged. “Stop saying shit like that!” I yelled. Tears started to roll down my cheeks. “You and Sophie- you guys make sense together, we don’t” I cried. 

“No, Sophie is social status, surface level, fancy dinners, with no depth, no real connection y/n” he argued. The uber app finally loaded. “I care about you so, so much, please understand that” he said. I shook my head as tears continued to spill from my eyes. 

“Stop saying you care!” I exclaimed. “I care though, about you, about how you're doing, about your grandma hobbies, I care about your heart, I care so much” he said, his feelings pouring out.

I didn’t respond as I ordered the uber without looking at how much it cost. My heart was fighting with my mind. A war within myself. I wanted him to hold me and melt into his touch. But my mind was telling me to leave, to run and never look back.

The guilt of it all was so overwhelming. I didn’t know what to do or even say. 

I just knew that I needed to leave his house. Leave all of this behind. 

“Don’t leave” he said with desperation in his voice. “Please y/n, I swear on everything, please just let me take care of you. Let me hold you” he begged. I backed away from him as he kept walking towards me. 

“I care so much, please, I’d do anything for you” he said. “Stop fucking saying you care!” I yelled. “Y/n I care so much that it hurts. I care about every part of you, every aspect of you, every layer, every flaw” he said.

I broke into a sob, “you don’t know what you're talking about Matt. You're just a rich, bored man who doesn’t know what to do with his time” I said. “That’s not true and you know it” he responded. “You’re delusional” I said. He looked away and shook his head as if he was in disbelief.  

“No this is the reality we live in y/n, you can’t convince me that what we have isn’t real. That it doesn’t mean anything” he said. I shook my head. I sat on his bed and tried to breathe. “I understand that you're feeling so many things right now y/n, I understand. But please don't throw all of this away” he spoke.

I stared down at the floor, my body feeling unstable, emotions swallowing me entirely. I wiped the tears from my face, trying to gain my composure back. But I couldn’t, not here, not right now. I tried to ground myself but I was severely struggling.

“Just breathe, you’re okay, everything’s okay” Matt said, taking a step closer to me. I stared down at my phone screen, the uber almost here. I didn’t want to leave, not really. But I couldn’t stay here. Not in this mansion. Not in the same atmosphere as him. Not with him. 

“I have to leave Matt” I said, my voice shaky. He sat on the bed next to me and stared at the floor. “Y/n don’t do this please” he said, voice low and quiet, desperate. 

I closed my eyes. Breathe, I thought to myself.

Matt’s POV:

I was so close to being in a full blown state of panic. The way her glossy, puffy eyes looked up at me threw me in a loop. All I wanted to do was hold her. She sat on my bed staring at the floor. I hated seeing her cry, it made me physically ill. 

It felt like this was a make or break moment. She was trying to run, trying to hide herself from me. And all I wanted to do was cling onto every part of her, make sure that she knew that nothing about the way I feel for her is temporary. 

But as she sat on my bed with her legs curled up, her body shaky like she was feeling emotions too big for one person, I was so conflicted. I didn’t just want her to be okay, I needed her to be okay. 

And if she thought the only way she was going to be okay would be to leave everything behind, leave us behind, I would let her. As long as it gave her peace. As long as she would be okay. 

So as she stood at her phone screen I came to a state of acceptance. That maybe all of this was coming to an end. That i’d have to live with the fact that she would be my greatest love and greatest loss all in one. 

She looked up at me, her eyes puffy and still teary eyed. “I have to go” she said, voice barely above a whisper. My jaw clenched, the urge to beg her to stay crashed over me. The need to keep her here until she understood that I won’t accept a life without her in it was clawing at me.

But instead of being selfish, instead of begging, instead of pleading, I nodded my head. She stood from my bed, her eyes full of tears. She stepped closer to me, the space between us minimal.

“Y/n” I said softly. “Shhh” she hushed me, a tear rolling down her cheek. My heart ached. “I’m sorry Matt” she said, staring up into my eyes. My heart sank to my stomach, feeling the biggest emotional turmoil I'd felt in a long time. A couple moments later she was walking out of my room and down the hallway. 

I wanted to follow her. I wanted to talk sense into her. But I could tell she was done for. She didn’t want to hear what I had to say. I sat down on my bed, my body feeling paralyzed. 

I knew she was feeling an intense amount of guilt, even shame possibly. But I needed her to realize this was all on me. That breaking up with Sophie was a conscious decision, something I willingly did. 

I wanted to tell her the raw, and soul crushing truth. I wanted to tell her that I was so, so incredibly, helplessly, deeply in love with her. And that nothing else mattered as long as she was right next to me. 

But I didn’t. I couldn’t get the words out when she was standing right in front of me. And I don’t think I'd ever be able to forgive myself for it. 

I stared at the ceiling. 

I was accepting defeat.

taglist:

@courta13 @summerupdup

[magicaldice]

synopsis: A.A.O is a story of pushing boundaries, conflicting emotions, questioning morality and a connection between two people who debate risking everything for a love that is more than real.

part 8

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“Girl are you sure you can’t come? I asked Kylie. “I’m sorry girl, you know I would never turn down a chance to party. But I have to babysit my cousin” she said. I let out an exhale as I let the espresso pour into a cup.

Matt invited me to a party. Not just any typical party. A party he was throwing. He told me that there wouldn’t be too many people, but there would definitely be a crowd. I debated on saying no. But I figured that as long as Matt didn’t leave my side I would be okay.

I spent the entire day thinking about it. Being surrounded by wealthy people in a mansion partying wasn’t exactly my type of thing. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to back out. Maybe come up with some lame excuse of why I couldn’t go. But Matt reassured me. 

As Kylie and I closed the cafe I thought about what I would wear, how to present myself, and wondering if this was even a good idea. I drove home in the silence, I needed to focus. 

I took a shower and sat naked in my room with only a towel around my body. I stared at the wall and got lost in my thoughts. 

I thought about Matt.

I thought about what he meant to me. 

I thought about all the memories we’ve already made. The late nights at the beach. The late night drives. Going out to eat, going on hikes. The day at the garden. The nights we spent tangled in his sheets, holding onto each other to go to sleep.

The numerous times he would show up to my job just to come say “hi”. The late night talks that would get really deep. The excuses to make physical contact. The way our eyes would lock and speak their own language. 

I tried not to compare how different he was to previous men I'd been with. But I did. He wasn’t anything like them. He wasn’t mean and rough. He didn't take advantage of my heart. He didn’t use me for his own selfish desires. 

In fact he’s been so soft with me. Gentle in the way that makes my mind go feral. He wasn’t damaging, he was healing. He didn’t use me for sex. He didn’t treat me like I was disposable. He didn’t wanna mold me into someone I wasn’t. 

He valued me. He cared. And it showed.

He saw me. Really saw me.

And even though being seen was one of my biggest desires. It was also one of my biggest fears. He could wake up one day and decide that what he sees in me isn’t enough. Isn’t worthy of his time. 

He could see one day that I still have habits I'm coping with, still flawed in so many aspects. Thinking of it all put fear in my heart. This isn’t about attachment. This isn’t about a fear of commitment. All of these thoughts circled in my mind because I knew deep down what I felt for Matt wasn’t because of some typical attraction.

It believed it was so much more than that. 

It was the four letter word that I couldn’t bring myself to say.

And I was struggling to come to terms with it. 

-

At 10 pm Matt arrived at my apartment. He looked at me, scanning over my body. “You look- really really good” he said. A shy smile formed on my lips. “Thank you”, blush appearing on my cheeks. 

We got into his car, and I was really nervous to be honest. I’ve been to parties before. Clubs and bars even. But partying in a mansion? With people who could probably buy my life, that was something I'd never experienced. I didn’t know what to expect. 

“Don’t be so nervous, I really feel like everyone there will love you” he said. His words did little to calm my nerves. And I was just about to tell him to turn the car around. But then he placed his hand on my thigh.

I looked down at his hand, the touch grounding more than anything. And then I looked out the car window, everything would be okay, I thought to myself. I started to bite my nails out of habit. Matt noticed, he always noticed, he squeezed gently onto my thigh. I looked over at him, “your okay angel” he spoke in a reassuring tone. The words sank underneath my skin. Sinking a little too deep. 

“If you want to leave at any point tonight just tell me, okay?” he said. I nodded my head and looked back out the car window. The goal for tonight was to have fun. To have a good time. 

When we arrived at the mansion, his house, a decent amount of cars sat parked outside in the driveway. Matt walked around to my side of his car and opened the door for me. He noticed that I was so hesitant to even get out. 

He grabbed onto my hand and pulled me out the car. “Wait” I said stopping us in our tracks. “What? What is it?” he asked. “I don’t know, I just feel like I won’t fit in Matt” I said, sounding way too self conscious for my own liking. 

Matt chuckled like I had something deeply offensive. But my face remained full of worry. He took a step closer towards me, the space between us becoming minimal. He stared down into my eyes, a certain look appearing on his face. One that said there’s nothing to worry about.

He grabbed onto my waist, “you don’t need to fit in pretty girl. I know that they’ll love you, but if you just want me and you to go back to your place and ditch the party then i’m okay with that” he said. 

His hands on my waist made me dizzy but also comforted. “I’m not gonna make you ditch your own party” I said, a light laugh falling from my lips. “You sure? We can order some food and watch movies. I just don’t want to make you do anything you don’t want to do” he said. 

And although going back to my house sounded amazing right now I decided that I wasn’t going to be selfish. Afterall I was already here at his house, already dressed up and put together. 

We walked into the mansion, loud music vibrated throughout the entirety of the rooms. We walked into one of the rooms where a bunch of people were scattered, some drinking, some smoking. 

“Matt, your back!” a guy shouted from across the room. I watched as heads turned, some looking past me and directly at Matt, others looking me up and down with blank expressions. I felt Matt place his hand on my lower back, I looked over at him, a smile forming on his lips. 

3 hours went by in the blink of an eye. People were dancing, singing along to the music, under the influence of drugs, but most importantly people were having a good time, including me. 

Matt and I had separated at some point. I watched as he got dragged away by a group of guys to go smoke a blunt in a designated smoking room. Which left me by myself, which wasn’t as bad as I initially thought it would be. Especially considering the liquid courage I had been drinking made it easier to be social, easier to roam around his mansion carelessly. 

I walked around the mansion and eventually landed in the downstairs bathroom. I stared at myself in the huge mirror, reaching into my purse for my lip liner. My eyes were glossed over, my hair was a little frizzy. I stared at the short, black, dress I wore. I felt so good that I didn’t even care if I looked a bit messy.

I leaned over into the mirror, tracing the outline of my lips with lip liner. I was focused even while tipsy. I reached into my purse for my lipgloss. I started to apply the lipgloss, loving the way it plumped my lips. 

A couple seconds later a girl barged into the bathroom without warning. “Oh my god, i’m so sorry I didn’t realize anyone was in here” she said, covering her eyes. I smiled, “no worries. I was just fixing up my makeup” I said. 

She uncovered her eyes, her jaw dropping like she was in shock. “Oh my god, you're the girl Matt brought” she said. I nodded my head and let out a light giggle. “You're literally so beautiful I could understand why he was so quick to wanna get into a relationship with you” she said. 

My body slightly tensed, her words throwing me off guard. “Oh no, we’re not together or anything, we’re just friends” I said. “Oh honey, you must be in denial” she joked. But when she noticed I was staring back at her with a blank expression her face suddenly turned serious.

She placed her hands on my shoulders, “friends don’t look at eachother the way you guys look at eachother babe” she said. “You think so?” I said. “I know so” she responded. I shrugged my shoulders, unsure of what to say next.

“Do you want to come take some shots with my friends and I?” she asked. I giggled, “sure”. We headed out of the bathroom and back upstairs. We passed a bunch of rooms and people dancing. The music continued to blast in the background. 

On the way to meet her friends in the main room I looked down the hallway, noticing a room that had it’s door cracked, a light peaking through the door crack. I realized I had never been in that room which led me to be curious. I stopped in my tracks, “hey, you okay?” the girl asked, noticing my body had frozen and stopped walking along her side. 

“Yeah, yeah, I forgot my purse in the bathroom downstairs. I’ll meet you back in the room soon” I said. “Okay” she smiled and continued to walk away. I stared at the room down the hallway, curiosity was a trait of mine that was hard to ignore. 

I walked towards the room, passing other rooms that were filled with people dancing and doing drugs. Once I got to the door, I knocked on it just in case. The knocking caused the door to swing open just a little bit more. 

I decided to push the door open a little more, and what I saw put shock into my body. I entered the room and quickly shut the door behind me. This room was smaller, but still had so much space. 

Canvases filled with paint leaned against every wall, some unfinished, some with art that was so beautiful and creative. The floor had splashes of color, reds, blues, all shades of different paint scattered across the floor.

There were sketchbooks laying everywhere, paintbrushes and a table full of mason jars with murky water. I was in awe. I was in disbelief. I walked around the room, gawking over the art. In the middle of the room stood a wooden easel with a sheet covering it. 

I should mind my business and just leave the room, pretend like I didn’t discover anything and go back to the party. But curiosity got the best of me. I walked to the wooden easel and grabbed the sheet that laid across the canvas.

I pulled the sheet off, revealing a portrait of a girl smiling. And then I took a closer look, the hair, the face shape, even the silver dainty necklace. The realization that the painting I was staring at was a portrait of me hit. 

I didn’t know how to feel. Flattered? Amazed at the detail? In awe. I was so overwhelmed with indescribable emotions. I almost wanted to cry. To be captured in such a beautiful way, to be seen. 

All the sudden I heard laughter coming from down the hallway which broke me out of whatever haze I was in. I quickly covered the painting back up, placing the sheet over the canvas.

I needed to find Matt. I needed to tell him how I felt. I wanted to express the amount of gratitude I had for him being in my life. I wanted to pour my heart out to him, I didn’t care about the consequences. I needed him, and I needed him now. 

I peeked out of the room to make sure the coast was clear before quietly and quickly shutting the door behind me. I walked around the mansion, walking into all the rooms trying to figure out which one he was in. 

After seeming like forever searching I finally walked into a room where a group of guys and a couple of girls were at. I entered the room further and saw a group of girls dancing on the countertops and some guys cheering them on. 

I looked in every corner of the room, no Matt in sight. I was just about to leave and keep searching in other parts of the mansion when a group of men in the left corner of the room were in a circle, girls dancing next to them, all of them laughing and clearly intoxicated. 

I noticed the guy who pulled Matt away from me earlier so I walked towards them. And that’s when I got excited because the closer I walked towards them Matt came into view. He was sitting down on the sofa with a red solo cup in his hand smiling at something someone said.

I started to walk towards him but quickly stopped mid step. I watched as a red headed girl sat on Matt’s lap. A pit in my stomach formed. The red headed girl was leaning into him, laughing, placing her hands on his biceps. 

Matt had a blank expression on his face at first, like he was caught off guard by her actions. But then I watched as the girl leaned in, whispering something in his ear. A smile formed on his lips. I immediately was sick. 

Seconds later Matt looked in my direction, his facial expressions completely changing as he locked eyes with me. I gave a faux smile, holding the eye contact just a couple seconds before turning around and walking out of the room. 

I was sick with jealousy. 

“Y/n!” I heard my name being called from behind me. But I continued to walk and picked up my pace. “Y/n” I heard again, but I ignored it. I didn’t need this. I should have never agreed to come here. In fact I should have cut Matt off a long time ago. He was never mine to begin with. 

Seconds later my arm was being grabbed, “y/n”. I turned around, Matt staring at me with worry in his face. “Why are you ignoring me?” he asked, his voice stern but gentle at the same time. I shrugged my shoulders. 

He pulled my arm, forcing me to follow him. “Let go Matt” I said, but he didn’t listen. He led us to the nearest bathroom, quickly shutting the door behind us and locking us in. “Y/n” he said, setting his red solo cup down on the bathroom counter. 

“What is it Matt?” I said. He stared down at me, something undecipherable in his eyes. “What’s wrong?” he asked. I didn’t respond, I just stared back up into his eyes. “I need you to use your words pretty girl” he said. 

His words made my stomach flip. “Nothings wrong. I was just coming to see you but it looked like you were busy” I said. He stared at me for a moment before a smile appeared on his face, a smile filled with fake innocence. His eyebrows furrowed slightly, “are you jealous? Is that what it is?” he asked before taking another step towards me. 

“No” I lied. “Are you sure?” he asked, tilting his head slightly. I nodded my head. “What did I tell you about lying to me y/n?” he said before placing his hands on my waist. I couldn’t respond, the physical contact way too distracting. 

He grabbed onto my body and turned me around to face the mirror. He stood behind me, placing his hands on my hips. I watched our reflections in the mirror, the way hiz gaze was so focused on me, the way his hands had a firm grip on my body. The tension was intense.

He leaned down, his lips hovering directly above my ear. “You don’t want me to touch anyone else? Huh? Is that it?” he asked. Goosebumps appeared all over my body as I watched our reflections. 

His grip on my hips tightened just a little bit before he let one of his hands move up my body. He toyed with the strap of my dress. “Is that it y/n? I need you to tell me” he said as his hand pulled back the strap of my dress and let it snap against my skin. 

I nodded my head. “I don’t want you to touch anyone else” I said quietly. He stared back at me in the mirror, a smile forming on his lips. He leaned into me, letting his lips graze my neck. I watched him through the mirror as he struggled to control himself. 

His restraint slipped just a little as he started to place soft, open mouth kisses onto my neck. I closed my eyes, immediately enjoying this too much. He started to suck on my neck lightly, a pool of wetness arriving quickly between my legs.

He pulled away abruptly and grabbed onto my body again, turning me around to face him. His expression wavered, like he was grasping onto every bit of self control he had left. I could see so clearly that his restraint was cracking. 

“Y/n” he said. “Hmm” I hummed. “Tell me to stop” he said, giving me an out. I stared up into his eyes, my breathing picking up. After a moment I shook my head no. His jaw clenched, “fuck” he said underneath his breath. 

I wasn’t going to stop us from going any further. Because I didn’t want to stop. I needed him just as badly, and he could see it in my eyes. He grabbed onto my body and pulled me against him, I stared up at him.

We leaned in at the same time, our lips hovering over one another. I leaned in a bit more, his hands holding my body against him. And then almost as if he didn’t care to hold back anymore he leaned in, pressing his lips into mine. 

The longing we’ve done for months, the yearning, all of it came crashing down. Our lips molded into one anothers, passion mixing with hunger. My fingers gripped at his hair, I was already so gone. 

Feeling his lips on mine was providing an overwhelming satisfaction laced with ecstasy. His tongue entered my mouth, our saliva mixing together. He pulled away, “I’ve wanted to do that since the first time I met you” he said, breathing hard as our foreheads rested against one another.

“I don’t want to stop, I need you, I need more” I said, trying to catch my breath. He pulled away from me so he could look me in my eyes. His eyes searched mine for a moment before his lips ended up back on mine. 

He grabbed onto my body and placed me on the bathroom counter. He stood between my parted legs, his hand gripping onto my jaw as our lips moved against one another. I moaned into his mouth, completely immersed in his touch.

His hand moved underneath my dress before he quickly retrieved it back. Almost like he was trying so hard not to let all of his self control dissipate. “No, no, please” I pleaded as I grabbed onto his hand and shoved it back underneath my dress. His pupils dilated before he kissed me, this time biting my bottom lip and sucking on it. 

His fingers started to rub against my underwear, the fabric wet and sticky already. “Angel, you're soaking” he whispered against my lips. He let his fingers rub over my clothed entrance, gently rubbing circles into my clit. 

I squirmed against his fingers, desperate for me. And just as he started to pull my panties to the side both of us jumped at the sound of knocking on the bathroom door. “Matt are you in there?” a man’s voice called out.

Matt covered my mouth, “shh” he whispered. The knocking continued, “Matt” the man’s voice said again. Matt’s jaw clenched before he leaned his body into me, resting his head on my shoulder. 

“I’ll be out in a minute” Matt yelled out. “Okay man, just letting you know that people are getting a little too carried away out here and I need some assistance getting people calmed down” the man said from the other side of the door. 

Matt let out a deep breath, “coming” he yelled back. We listened as footsteps walked away from the door. Matt pulled away from me, our eyes locking. “I’m sorry angel” he said, disappointment and annoyance in his voice. I smiled, a light giggle falling from my lips. 

Matt leaned in, kissing my lips softly, “this isn’t over, okay?” he said. I nodded my head smiling. 

-

2 more hours went by of partying before everybody started leaving. I had taken way too many shots by now, danced my heart out and was overall clearly passed my limit. I had lost track of Matt awhile ago and started wandering off on my own. 

“I’m having so much fun” I yelled over the music to the girl I was dancing with. “I know, I never want this night to end” she yelled back. She grabbed onto my hands and twirled me around, but since I was so drunk I started to lose my balance. I stumbled into the table, not even feeling the impact. 

The girl and I laughed, “oh my god” she said watching as I immediately kept dancing like nothing happened. The music made everything feel euphoric, like there was no such thing as problems.

I was too many shots in, more close to blacking out than I realized. But I was too intoxicated to care. 

I continued to dance until all the sudden I felt firm hands on my body. I turned around, Matt staring back at me with a goofy smile. “It’s time for bed” he said. “Nooo, me and my new friend are having fun” I whined, pointing at the girl dancing. “Have I been replaced?” he asked with a fake offended tone. 

Before I could even argue he picked me up bridal style, “wait, no, I was having so much fun” I whined. “You need sleep, I don’t want you to have a massive hangover tomorrow” he said, continuing to carry me to his room.

“Matttt” I whined. He giggled and ignored my protest. Once we made it to his room he sat me down on his bed. “Drink this for me, okay?” he said before handing me a bottle of water. I reluctantly reached for the water bottle. 

After chugging some water I let my body lay against his bed. “No, no, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. I have clothes you can change into” he said. “I’m tired” I responded. “Come on, get up angel” he said, pulling me up by my arms. 

I huffed, clearly unamused. I stood up and he grabbed onto my hands, helping me keep balance as he led me to his closet. He grabbed sweatpants and an oversized t shirt. “Will you help me take this dress off?” I asked. He nodded his head.

Once the dress was completely off he tried his best to keep his focus. “Come on my sweet girl, just hold onto me to keep yourself steady” he said. I struggled to keep my balance as he proceeded to help dress me. 

Once I was back in his bed with him next to me I snuggled up against him. “Matt” I said. “Yeah?”. “Can you touch me again?” I asked. He rubbed my back up and down, “yes, but not tonight” he said.

“Why?” I asked, almost offended, not realizing that it was for the best. “Because I’m not as fucked up as you are right now” he said. “But I want to feel you” I argued. “I know, soon, but right now you need sleep” he responded.

I let out a sigh, unaware of how much of a good thing his rejection was. “Don’t be mad at me” he said. “I’m not” I said quietly. “Good” he responded as he started to massage his fingers into my scalp.

The sensations of when he would play with my hair always got to me. Always calmed me to the point of sincere relaxation. “You're literally my favorite person ever” I said, half way to sleep. “Your mine too” he whispered. 

“I really, really like you” I said, my words slurring. “Shh baby, go to sleep” he hushed me, letting his fingers run through my hair. And just like that I was out like a light. 

taglist:

@courta13 @summerupdup

[magicaldice]

synopsis: A.A.O is a story of pushing boundaries, conflicting emotions, questioning morality and a connection between two people who debate risking everything for a love that is more than real.

part 7

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It’s been a chaotic month at the cafe. I started slowly letting myself go, still functional, just not taking care of myself properly. Which unfortunately caught up to me. I sat in my bed with a slight fever and migraine. 

I had been sick for the past two days. I had tried working yesterday but got sent home early due to looking “half dead”. I had been bed rotting, feeling sick and exhausted. I wanted to work, I wanted to move and be productive. But the sickness was making it hard for me to do anything. 

I had taken two showers today already. Trying to somehow wash away the sickness. It was nearing 8 pm when Matt called. “Are you feeling any better?” he asked. “I wish” I responded. “I miss you” he said into the phone. I let out a deep breath, “I miss you too” I said.

“Can you come open the door” he said. Confusion entered my state of being. “What?” I said. “Come open the door for me y/n” he said. I smiled. I walked over to my apartments front door. 

I opened the door and there stood Matt with bags in his hand. “What are you doing here?” I asked, confusion in my tone. “I missed you too much” he said as he walked into my apartment. He took his shoes off before walking up to me and wrapping his arms around me. 

“Matt, I told you to stay away until I was healthy again” I said while resisting his hug. “I know” he said. He let go of me and followed me to my bedroom. We sat on my bed and he started pulling things out of bags he brought.

Tissues, cold and flu meds, soup, electrolytes, a heating pad and a bunch of other things laid scattered out on my bed. “Matt” I laughed. “I want to make sure you're okay, I wanna take care of you” he said. A smile appeared on my face. 

“You probably shouldn’t be here Matt. You could get sick” I said. He shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t care, just wanna be with you” he said. My heart felt so full, I felt beyond cared for. “I appreciate you” I said. 

He plugged in the heating pad and set it behind my back. I watched as he disappeared from my room and came back a couple minutes later holding hot soup and the electrolyte filled drink. 

He sat in front of me as I enjoyed the hot soup and let the heating pad do its job. He grabbed onto my feet, massaging them gently. “All of this is somehow reminding me of my childhood” I said, a light laugh falling from my lips.

“Really?” he asked. “Mhm” I hummed. “Tell me more” he said. “Whenever I used to get sick as a child my mom would sit there for hours rubbing my body, she was so gentle with me” I said. I stared off into the distance for a moment as flashbacks of her telling me “it’ll be okay, you’ll be healthy again in no time” passed. 

Matt continued to massage my feet, listening closely as I spoke. 

Matt’s POV:

Y/n being sick triggered something in me. I didn’t know how to explain it, I really didn’t. I just wanted to be here with her. As she started to open up about her childhood I listened closely. Intrigued and curious. 

“My dad would always kind of freak out if I got sick. One time I was so sick I stayed home from school and my dad took the day off just to keep me company” she spoke with a distant dullness in her voice. 

“I miss them so much” she said, a deep exhale leaving her lungs. I stopped rubbing her feet and pulled her legs onto my lap. “Were you and your parents close?” I asked. She nodded her head. “Yeah” she said softly. 

“I think when they died I lost my mind a little bit. Some days it still doesn’t feel real” she said, her eyes focused on the wall behind me. “I bet they would be so proud of how you turned out y/n” I said. She gave a tired smile. 

A moment of silence passed. “My parent’s dying was a type of grief and hurt i’d never felt before. Nobody tells you how much grief can numb you. How you can be in a room full of people and still feel lonely” she said. 

“I’m sorry, we should change the topic” she said suddenly. “No, I wanna know. I want you to tell me more” I said. She looked around and shrugged. “Don’t shut down y/n, I wanna know how you feel” I said. 

A couple seconds of silence passed. “My mom died from cancer a couple days after I turned 18” she said, avoiding eye contact with me. “It was really hard, my dad and I fought alot after she died. We were both so angry, not at eachother, just at the world” she said. 

A wave of sympathy hit me. “My dad killed himself a couple months after her death” she said in a monotone manner. No emotion seeping through her voice. No sadness. No anger. Just emptiness. 

My heart sank to my stomach hearing the words come out of her mouth. “I didn’t have a choice on to keep living my life without them. Grief and anger doesn’t pay bills. I had to come up with a plan fast” she said. I felt physically sick knowing she had to go through all of this alone. 

“And now I'm here, still counting every dollar. Still alive, still breathing, still struggling but far much less than what I was in the past” she said, another tired smile appearing on her face. “Can I hold you?” I asked. She nodded her head. 

I moved my position, I pulled her into me and wrapped my arms around her. My entire being just wanted to protect her. To provide a sense of comfort and safety for her. My heart ached listening to her talk about her parents' deaths. So I could only imagine how she felt being the one to actually experience going through it. 

Y/n’s POV:

Matt holding onto me grounded me. That was the most I had opened up to anyone about my parent’s deaths. Talking about it made me feel like an emotional wreck on the inside. But as soon as Matt wrapped his arms around me I calmed down. My body melting into his touch. 

“What about your parents?” I asked. “What about them?” he responded. “Are you close with them? Do you have siblings or anything?” I asked. He nodded his head and gripped onto me a little tighter. 

“I was never close with my parents growing up. My grandfather mostly took care of me” he said. He grabbed onto my hand, squeezing it gently. “My siblings live in different states. We all kind of branched off into our own little world once we grew up” he explained. 

“Were you and your grandfather close?” I asked. “Yeah for the most part, he loved me in the only way he knew how” he said. “What do you mean?” I asked curiously. “He didn’t exactly show affection or emotion. He didn’t know how to take care of me, much less want to take care of me” Matt said. 

“But he did care to a certain extent. His way of caring was putting me in his will and leaving me the house that I have now. Because to him, love equaled money” Matt said. Matt's thumb rubbed over my hand, the soothing gesture feeling a little more intimate than maybe it should. 

“Do you talk to your parents at all anymore?” I asked. “No, I haven’t talked to them in a couple years”. His hand interlocked with mine, we sat there for a moment both staring at our hands interlocked. 

We continued to talk more in depth about what it was like growing up. We started learning more about each others personal struggles, morals and beliefs. Time continued to pass, the topic of relationships suddenly being brought up.

“When is the last time you were in a relationship?” he asked. “When I was 19, it only lasted a couple months” I said. “Why did you guys break up?” he asked. “I found out he was cheating on me” I admitted. “You didn’t deserve that” Matt said. I nodded my head. 

“What about you though? How are you and Sophie?” I asked. Matt and I never talked about Sophie. And I was curious about how their dynamic was. Matt shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t really know how to explain it” he said. “Well try, i’ll put the pieces together” I said. 

“Sophie and I met at a mutual friend's house a year ago. We ended up getting together shortly after” he said. “And so you guys have just been with each other ever since?” I asked. “For the most part yeah. We’ve been on and off alot so our relationship hasn’t been the most consistent” he said. 

We laid on my bed facing each other, our eyes locked and minimal space between us. “As long as you're happy” I said, my attempt to say the right thing. “I am happy- when I'm with you” he said. 

His words carried weight behind them. He said so much in such little words. I looked at him, his eyes flicked from my eyes to lips. 

“You can’t say things like that” I said, voice a little quieter. He placed his hand on my waist. His touch impacting me way more than i’d ever admit. “But it’s the truth” he said, as if that made things any better. I blinked and took a deep breath.

A few moments of silence passed. Then without warning he grabbed onto my body and placed me on top of him. His back laid against my bed as I was now straddled on top of him. “Matt” I said, my heartbeat beating faster than it ever has. 

“Calm down, just wanna feel you” he said, his arms resting behind his head as if he was the most relaxed he's ever felt. My body was on fire, suddenly filled with so much emotion and desire. He stared up at me with something close to amusement in my eyes. Like he loved seeing my self control thin by the second.

I should have gotten off him. I should have told him we needed better boundaries. That's what I should have done. But instead I stared down at him, my hands found his chest. My body started to heat up. 

“You okay?” he asked, a smile on his face like he thought this was funny. “Mhm” I hummed, trying to focus on anything other than the fact that I was straddled on top of him. His gaze was lethal, I was struggling to think straight. 

And just as I was about to say something Matt’s phones started ringing. Our eyes both landed on his phone screen, Sophie's name on the caller ID. I immediately went to get off of him but he quickly grabbed onto my hips and held onto me. “Matt” I said, his hands forcing my body to stay still against him. 

“Matt, answer the phone” I said, hearing the phone continue to ring. He didn’t respond, his hands still holding onto my hips to keep me straddled on top of him. “Matt, answer her” I whispered. He shook his head no, his eyes focused on his hands holding onto my hips.  

It was like he was stuck in a trance. He wasn’t rushing to answer her, he was so focused on having my body on top of him that everything else around him seemed to dissipate. I grabbed onto his jaw, not harshly, just firmly to try and snap him out of it. “Answer her” I said, more sternly. He looked up into my eyes, pupils dilated, “no” he said, like it was the easiest decision he’s ever had to make. 

I wanted to argue with him, tell him that he shouldn’t ignore Sophie's calls. Tell him to let go of my hips so I could get off of him. But with our eyes locked, my body on top of his, it made it hard to use logic instead of emotion. 

It was like we were the only two people on earth, the sound of his phone ringing faded as our eyes focused on one another. I was completely enveloped in his energy, memorized by the way his hands felt on my body. 

I didn’t have the control or will power to pretend he didn’t make me feel a plethora of emotions anymore. I was so close to being selfish. So close to going against my own morals. 

I took a deep breath and let my body lay against him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, my head laying on his chest while my body laid against his. We laid there in silence like that for a couple minutes. My body on top of his, our hearts in sync. 

“Do you love her?” I asked, finally breaking the silence. “Don’t ask me that y/n” he spoke. “Why?” I asked quietly. “Becuase I think you already know the answer” he whispered. He tightened the grip he had on my hips just a little bit. The tension was so heavy, thick, impossible to ignore. 

He moved his hands off my hips and wrapped his hands around my body, holding me so gently against him that it could make a person forget how brutal & wrong infidelity truly was. 

“You and Sophie are together” I stated. “I know” he responded. “I’m not a home wrecker Matt” I said, voice barely above a whisper. He let his hands rub up & down my back as he listened to me closely. 

He didn’t respond, instead he let his fingers massage into my scalp. “Do you understand Matt?” I asked. “I understand” he said blankly. “We’re friends, just friends” I spoke, saying it out loud more for myself than anyone. “Okay” he said softly. 

I didn’t know that telling Matt  “we’re just friends” would cause him to spiral. I thought he understood that I was just trying to protect us both. I thought maybe he would reevaluate our friendship and maybe pull back. But it led him to make big decisions. 

After leaving my house the first thing he did was head to Sophie’s. He broke up with her on her door step. His mind was made up. There was no turning back.

He wasn’t going to tell me the reason why. He didn’t want me to have to carry the feeling of guilt. So he didn’t mention the fact that the reason he broke up with her had everything to do with me. 

Our friendship would continue. Our bond would deepen. We would still hangout. Still hold eachother. Still let the lines blur between platonic and non platonic. 

But sure enough It would eventually catch up with us. There would be no more pretending. No more pushing our feelings to the side. No more pretending like all of this didn’t mean something. 

And until then, Matt and I remained as close friends. Patiently waiting for the day that one of us slips. Waiting for one of us to give in, letting our self control shamelessly collapse. 

taglist:

@courta13 @summerupdup

[magicaldice]

synopsis: A.A.O is a story of pushing boundaries, conflicting emotions, questioning morality and a connection between two people who debate risking everything for a love that is more than real.

part 6

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It’s been a month since the first time I stayed the night at Matt’s house. Since that night I was fighting a war within myself. Logic & morals Vs. Emotion would be the death of me I was sure of it.

Since that night I tried to push him away in order to keep us both safe. But each time I tried it would backfire. It would only lead to us becoming closer, mentally, emotionally and physically. 

I tried to tell myself that all of this was based on attraction. That maybe trying to be friends with someone who I found attractive was confusing and blurring the lines between platonic and non platonic. 

But it wasn’t just the attraction to his physical being. It was his demeanor, the way he carried himself, the energy he had. It was the way his mind worked, the way he led with his heart and his actions that made me so absorbed in his ways. 

I felt myself trying to pull away but there was no escaping this. And as I thought about it longer, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to “escape”. And that was the worst part. Because that meant this was beyond something in my control. 

I thought about maybe cutting him off more times than I could count. But he was always there, waiting for my calls, my texts, for the next time we could see each other. And there I was, using all of my free time on him, agreeing to hangout, agreeing to push boundaries. 

“Um? Hellooo?” Kylie said, waving her hands in my face. I blinked. 

“Did you hear what I said?” she asked. I blinked again, unaware of what she had previously said. “Girl what’s up with you?” she asked. “What do you mean?” I asked as I grabbed a wet rag and started to clean the coffee machines. 

“It’s like you're here physically but not mentally, what’s got you in your head so much lately?” she asked. I shrugged my shoulders, “I don’t know” I lied. Kylie and I continued to finish closing up the cafe for the night. 

Once I was finally in my car after closing up the cafe,I knew I had to do the one thing I've been putting off. I started my drive to the cemetery, praying that I could get through. As I turned the corner the cemetery came into view and I took a deep breath.

Once I parked the car I checked my phone once before getting out and starting the walk to my parent’s grave stones. As I walked through the cemetery I kept my head down, the energy was heavy and I tried my best to breathe steadily. 

My parent’s grave stones came into view, my heart pounding. I stood there looking at my parents' names. My heart felt dull, it felt like there was no more oxygen left for me to breathe in. 

I sat down for a moment, grief was such a bittersweet thing. “I miss you guys” I said as I stared at their names. The sun setting pulled all of it together, reminding me that life is stronger than death.

“Continue to watch after me please” I whispered, tears rolling down onto my cheeks. I sat there for awhile & forced myself to stay present. It was brutal & beautiful at the same time. 

The drive back home was silent. All I wanted to do was cry, escape these deep feelings of grief and hurt. But I couldn’t cry, all I could do was stare out the window and try to focus on the road. My body felt heavy, clouded with so much emotion. 

When I got home I immediately took a shower. The water helped me stay in the present. 

I sat on my living room couch, debating on calling Matt. I picked up my phone and stared at his contact information. I pressed the call button. The phone rang three times before I heard his voice.

“Hey” I said, smiling into the phone. “Uh, hey” he said, sounding a little hesitant. I noticed immediately that his energy was off. “You okay?” I asked. “Yeah- I’m okay, are you?” he asked. I smiled, “yeah, I was gonna ask if you want to come over” I said. 

“Oh, when?” he asked. “Babe, who are you on the phone with?” I heard Sophie's voice in the background. My smile immediately disappeared. “Listen I gotta go, but I'll be over there tonight” he said. “Oh, okay” I said, a pit in my stomach forming. The call ended and I was left sitting on my couch in the silence, left with too much time to think.

-

I woke up to a knock on my front door. I rubbed my eyes as I made my way to open the door. “Hey” Matt said standing outside my door. I yawned and opened the door some more, inviting him into my space. 

Matt and I sat in my living room on my couch. “How was your day?” he asked. “It was okay” I said blankly. His eyebrows furrowed, “did something happen?” he asked. I shook my head no.

“You sure? You seem off” he said. I let out an exhale and rubbed my eyes some more. “Talk to me” he said. “I’m okay” I responded. “Don’t lie to me, just talk to me” he said. 

“I visited my parent’s grave today” I said. His eyebrows raised, “you did?” he asked. I nodded my head. 

“How was it?” he questioned. “It was alot. They died 2 years ago and the first time I ever visited was today. Kind of feel like everything and nothing at once right now” I said. “Come here pretty girl” he said while holding his arms out. 

I didn’t move, instead I stayed exactly where I was. A look of concern appeared on his face. “Just wanna hold you” he said. “I know” I responded, still not moving my position. “What’s wrong?” he asked. I shrugged my shoulders.

It was a mix of everything. It was the feeling of grief, the feeling of being stuck in a place I didn’t want to be at, feeling behind. I felt like I didn’t belong.  I felt too much at once, too many contradictory emotions leaving me feeling conflicted within.

And then on top of it Matt was sitting on my couch staring at me with worry in his face, like he cared. Like he wanted to know, he wanted to help, like he wanted to somehow be the cure. 

But I kept hearing Sophie's voice from over the phone earlier in the back of my head. He was just with her. And now he’s here. In my living room. And I didn’t mind, I wanted him here. I wanted him. But he just simply wasn’t mine.

“I feel dumb” I said, avoiding eye contact. “Why?” he asked. “I just do” I responded. “Y/n talk to me. I wanna know how you feel” he said. I took a deep breath. “I feel behind, I feel like everybody got a handbook when they were born that told them how to go about life and I was born without it”. 

“That’s not true y/n, you're not behind” he said. I blinked and took a deep breath. “And I feel like shit for not visiting my parents grave until 2 years later” I said, tears forming in my eyes. “I put it off for so long because I knew that once I saw their gravestones it meant that they were gone for real” I said.

He listened closely as I spoke. “This has to be some fucked up nightmare” I said, my voice shaky as I tried to keep myself together. Matt grabbed onto my legs, pulling them into his lap. “Breathe for me, just breathe” he said as he started to rub up and down my legs with his hand. 

“I’m sorry” I said, wiping a singular tear that rolled down my check. “Don’t be sorry y/n” he said while continuing to let his hand rub up and down my legs. We sat on the couch and talked for a little while longer before moving to my bedroom.

We laid in my bed, facing each other. “You look exhausted” he said. A chuckle fell from my lips “thanks” I said. “I didn’t mean it in a bad way, I just mean maybe you should let yourself rest more often” he said. 

“I know, just feel like if I rest i’m gonna fall even more behind” I said. He gave me a look of disapproval. “I wish I could take it all away” he said. A look of confusion appeared on my face, “take away what?” I asked. 

“All of your worries, your self doubt. All of it” he said. I smiled, “i’ll be okay” I said. He stared into my eyes, his gaze suddenly making me feel exposed. “I could take it away for you, if you let me” he said. A moment of silence passed. “We could go to new york, or italy, anywhere you want ” he said. A laugh of disbelief escaped my mouth, “Matt” I said. “I’m serious” he stated. I stared back at him, trying to detect a lie or something that said he was putting up a front. But the way his eyes stared back into mine told me that he was being 100% serious. 

His hand grabbed onto my waist, “come closer, please” he said before pulling my body into his. I melted into his touch quickly, way too quickly. My heartbeat picked up despite his touch being soothing. 

His arm wrapped around my lower waist, holding my body against his. Our faces were inches apart, so close, too close. My breathing picked up as his eyes flickered between my eyes and lips. 

We both leaned in, just a little, enough to where our lips hovered over one another. My stomach flipped as his hand rubbed up and down my back. He leaned in even closer and my breath hitched. Our lips were so close to touching, so close I could feel his breath fan against my mouth.

Sophie’s voice from earlier started playing in my head.

“Babe, who are you on the phone with?” 

Just as he leaned in again, our lips about to touch, I pulled back. “Matt” I whispered, as I placed my hand on his chest to put some space between us. He blinked, his jaw clenching as he removed his hand from my waist. 

“I’m sorry” he said before running his hand through his messy hair. I laid my head on his chest, silence fell over us. Adrenaline still running through my veins as I think about what could have just happened if I didn’t pull back. 

“Can you stay the night please?” I asked. He nodded his head, his fingers returning to my hair, massaging my scalp. “You need to get some sleep y/n” he said. “I know” I said, yawning seconds later.

-

I woke up at 2 am to Matt’s phone ringing next to us on my bed. “Matt” I said, trying to wake him up. I grabbed his phone and looked at the caller ID. Sophie’s name stared back at me. “Matt” I said once again before shaking him.

He stirred awake, “Sophie’s calling you” I said before handing him his phone. He stared at her name on his phone for a second before answering. “Hello” he said, voice raspy and tired. I tried to distract myself. But it didn’t work.

“I’m with my friend, why?” he said into the phone. “It’s 2 am Sophie” he said, exhaustion in his voice. I picked at my nails while listening to him talk. He let out a deep exhale as he ran his fingers through his messy hair. “Okay, i’ll be on my way soon” he said before hanging the phone up. 

He set his phone down and let his body lay back down. “I’m guessing you have to leave?” I said. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose like he was stressed. “I don’t want to” he stated. “But you have to, don't you?” I asked. 

He opened his eyes, his eyes tired and low. He didn’t respond, instead he pulled my body back into his, wrapping his arms around me. He clung onto me like he didn’t want to let go. We sat there in silence for a moment. 

My head rested on his chest, so comfortably, like it was natural. He started to rub my back as we laid with our bodies tangled in one anothers. “Tell me to stay” he said, breaking the silence. “What?” I questioned. “Tell me to stay and I will” he said quietly, gently, despite the heavy weight behind his words. 

He was looking for an out. He didn’t want to go to wherever Sophie was and to be honest I didn’t want him to either. But I quickly reminded myself that something like this wasn’t up for debate. She’s his girlfriend. He’s her boyfriend. It’d be wrong if I told him to stay. 

“She’s waiting for you Matt” I said. He sighed, “I know” he whispered. 

Matt’s POV:

I didn’t care that Sophie wanted me to come pick her up. If y/n told me to stay, I would. I had almost wished that y/n and I slept through the call. I didn’t care if it’s wrong to think that. I didn’t care, as long as it meant that y/n was right next to me. 

I was so ready to risk everything for y/n. I was too deep in to pull back. 

I would say y/n made me feel like a little kid again, but whatever we had, whatever this was, is far much more grown and extremely too real to compare to some teenage crush. Anytime I was alone with my thoughts I would experience such an emotional turmoil when my mind inevitably landed on y/n. 

I thought about her way more than I'd ever admit out loud. Even at times I shouldn’t. Even when I was sleeping next to someone else at night. And yeah maybe it was unfair to Sophie. And I tried to control my feelings. I tried to pretend that y/n didn’t affect me in such an impactful way. 

But all roads led back to her. She made me feel emotions I didn’t know I was capable of feeling. I was unbelievably, hopelessly, stuck in her trance. And the worst part is that I was okay with it. 

Anytime y/n’s head rested on my chest like it was right now, I felt alive. 

This was beyond physical attraction. Sure, when I first met y/n I thought she was without a doubt the most beautiful woman I've ever come across. And I still believe that. And after getting to know her, spending time with her, I realized she isn’t just beautiful externally, it was beauty coming from within. Her soul was so precious, so radiant in ways that you could feel whenever she walked into a room. Her essence was so effortlessly captivating. 

I wanted to know her. I wanted to be there for her. I wanted to hold her. Touch her. Please her. I was so shamelessly desperate to be apart of her world. 

I pushed her to talk more, to let vulnerability flow through her. Not only because I felt a deep need to understand her but also because I was obsessed with the way her mind worked. She was so intellectual and in a non weird way it turned me on. 

And anytime I found myself wanting to act on any sexual desires, more times than not it started a war internally. Because I understood that it was in my nature as a human to have lustful desires. I understood that, I really did.

But this didn’t feel like lust to me. I wasn’t drooling over seeing her in a bikini, I wasn’t ready to cheat on Sophie because y/n had a beautiful body. No, it was because of her mind. Her ability to connect with people. Her intelligence. The depth that she carried. 

It felt wrong to use the word “lustful” to describe how I would get whenever I was around y/n. Whatever I was feeling was so much more valuable, so much more powerful.

So no, I didn’t want to go and get Sophie at 2 am when y/n was currently laying on my chest. I thought maybe if I just continued to rub y/n’s back or massage her scalp with my fingers she would fall back asleep like she normally did and then maybe I wouldn’t have to leave. But this time she didn’t fall back asleep.

Y/n sat up, “you should probably get going” she said as she sat and curled her legs up against her chest, holding onto herself. “Or we could go back to sleep” I said, truth disguised as a joke. Y/n shook her head no. 

“We’ll see each other again soon” she said. I sat up and let my back rest against her bed’s headboard. My phone dinged, another message from Sophie. I watched y/n’s eyes flicker to my phone that sat on the bed next to us before meeting my eyes. 

“Go Matt. She’s waiting” y/n said. I nodded my head. 

I sat in silence the whole drive to pick up Sophie. I was practically spiraling into madness. All I could think about was y/n. I felt a burning, passionate longing for her. I was in so deep. And I didn’t even care that it was wrong. I didn’t care about the consequences. 

It has gotten to be so much and often that I day dream of y/n constantly whenever we're apart. In the shower, in bed, next to Sophie. I’d imagine what it’d be like to wake up to y/n every morning. What it would be like for her toothbrush to be next to mine in my bathroom. 

I wanted to be the one she trusted, cared for-  and loved. I wanted to cradle her brain, protect her, hold her in my arms and be there for her. I wanted a future with her, to watch her go through phases of her life and experience it all with her. 

I wanted her. I wanted to be there with her through the good, the bad and everything in between. I was sick to my stomach thinking of it all. I needed y/n, and I needed her now. I was conflicted. I looked out my car window as I stopped at a redlight. 

I pulled over on the side of the road halfway to Sophie's house. What I was about to do was probably morally questionable. But I didn’t care as long as it meant I got to be with y/n. I grabbed onto my phone. 

to your/name: Sophie fell asleep before I got to her house. I'm coming back over. 

taglist:

@courta13 @summerupdup

[magicaldice]

synopsis: A.A.O is a story of pushing boundaries, conflicting emotions, questioning morality and a connection between two people who debate risking everything for a love that is more than real.

part 5.

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Spring break was finally over for most people which meant the cafe wasn’t in a constant state of chaos. Kylie and I were finally closing the cafe down for the night after a long day. 

“So what are you planning to do with your next two days off?” I asked Kylie. We both had the next two days off due to some remodeling inside of the cafe. “I don’t know, honestly probably just chill” she said. I gasped dramatically “oh my god, you have two days off and you don’t plan on partying? Where’s the real Kylie?” I joked. She laughed and shrugged her shoulders.

“No seriously, that's really abnormal behavior for you” I said. She picked up a rag and wiped down the machine in front of her. “I know. Probably for the best though” she said, her tone a little more serious than I expected.

I observed her energy, something was off. “You okay?” I asked. A smile that didn’t reach her eyes appeared on her face. “I think, I don’t really know. Maybe not” she said. “What’s going on?” I asked her. She let out a deep breath. “I think it’s the stress that I've tried suppressing that’s finaly coming to bite me in the ass” she said. 

I started to gather all the dishes to put them in the sink. I walked to the back and organized some of the miscellaneous stuff that we used during the day. Kylie followed me, helping me organize.

I thought about Kylie’s words. She was in need of stress relief. I thought about what I could do to try and help. “You wanna hangout tonight?” I asked. “Sure” she said. “Okay, wanna come over around 9?” I asked. “Sounds good” she said. 

-

After showering and getting more relaxed I sat in my living room and waited for Kylie to get to my place. I was just about to start cooking Kylie and I some food when I heard my phone ring from the other room. I walked into the living room to pick up my phone. 

Incoming call from Matt.

“Hey” I said into the phone. “Hey, what are you up to?” he asked. “I was about to start cooking for my friend and I” I responded. “Wow, no invite?” he joked. I giggled, “sorry no boys allowed” I said. 

“When is your next day off?” he asked. I smiled, “I have the next two days off” I said. “Okay so basically you're saying that you're mine for the next two days” he said. I rolled my eyes, “I don’t know, maybe” I teased. 

Matt and I had been hanging out pretty consistently. We’ve been out to eat together, gone on hikes together, late night drives, and he’s even been back to my apartment a couple times. 

I debated on telling him maybe we should let each other have some space. But the urge to be with him 24/7 overpowered my feelings of doubt. 

“I’m not taking no for an answer” he said into the phone. I wanted to say yes, I really did. But the thought of spending the next two days with him almost felt wrong. “What about Sophie?” I asked. “What about her?” he said. A moment of silence passed. 

All the sudden there was knocking on my door, Kylie was here. “I gotta go Matt. I’ll text you” I said before hanging up the phone. I opened the door for Kylie, “I hope your okay with eating chicken and rice tonight” I said as she walked in. “I’d eat anything you make, you should know this by now” she said with a big smile. 

Hours went by of Kylie and I hanging out, catching each other up on any personal life updates that didn’t revolve around work. Random conversations about pretty much everything under the sun. 

It was now nearing 2 am as we sat in my room on my bed talking. I sat in front of her with my back faced towards her as she braided my hair. “So are you planning on going to the cemetery any time soon?” she asked. I let out a deep exhale. “I don’t know if I should” I responded. 

I felt Kylie's hand brush my upper back as she grabbed onto my strands of hair. “I think you should, it’s gonna be 2 years soon” she said. “I know” I said quietly. My eyes stared at my bedroom wall in front of me. Flashbacks of my parent’s started to flood my memory.

There was once upon a time a very naive younger version of myself who swore up and down her parents would stay alive forever. Reality slapped me in the face quicker than I could ever process. 

As Kylie continued to braid my hair I started to feel physically ill. Grief still found me in the most unexpected times and places. “You're the strongest person I know y/n”, Kylie said. “I don’t know, sometimes I feel really weak” I confessed. Kylie tied the end of my braid together with a rubber band, “you're not weak” she argued.

-

I woke up in the morning feeling energized and ready to start my day. Kylie had spent the morning with me before leaving to go run some errands. I had spent the first half of my day taking care of myself, letting myself enjoy some peace and quiet.

It was nearing 8 pm when I laid on my living room couch watching a movie, distracted and content. My phone started to ring, Matt’s caller ID popping up. “What are you up to?” he asked. I smiled, “wouldn’t you like to know” I teased. 

“Can I come get you?” he asked. “And do what?” I asked. “Come spend the night with me pretty girl” he said into the phone. The offer caught me off guard, and before I could even begin to overthink the word “okay” came out of my mouth.

“I’ll be there to pick you up soon, bring a swimsuit” he said before hanging up the phone. I packed some clothes into a bag including my swimsuit and waited for him to arrive at my apartment. 

When he texted that he was here I walked out to his car.

The drive to his house was nice, I watched the sunset as we drove towards pine road. Once we got into the pine road neighborhood I immediately started to feel a plethora of emotions. I gazed upon the rich neighborhood, admiring the mansions I once used to wish to live in. 

We turned a corner, just right outside of the pine road neighborhood was a long driveway leading to another huge mansion. And once Matt started driving towards the long driveway my heart dropped. “This is your place?” I asked, undertones of shock in my voice. He nodded his head.

I stared at the faded, timeworn mansion, cracked stone and creeping ivy surrounded the exterior. Despite the dust on the outside of the house, It was beyond clear that this place was made out of money. 

“Don’t look so scared” he said, placing his hand on my thigh while his other hand stayed on the steering wheel. I looked down at his hand for a moment, the touch surprisingly grounding. Once we finally parked we got out of the car and he grabbed my bag from the backseat.

I stared at the double wide doors that led inside the mansion. “What’s wrong?” he asked as we walked up the front steps. “Nothing, just feel out of place” I said more quietly. He looked at me for a moment, “don’t overthink it” he spoke.

Once we were inside it was hard to keep my face neutral. The house didn’t just feel expensive, it felt established, like wealth has existed here for centuries.  At the center, a grand staircase curves upward. It looked like it was straight out of a movie.

High ceilings with tall windows surrounded the place. He grabbed onto my hand and led me around, “this way” he said softly as he led me up the stairs. I tried not to let my jaw drop as we walked through the hallways. 

There were so many rooms, all of them quiet and controlled. Almost intimidating. Matt’s hand stayed interlocked with mine until we reached what I assumed to be his room. 

He pushed the bedroom door open, allowing me into his space. I looked around, taking in the room’s essence. The space is elegant, a massive gorgeous crystal chandelier hangs down from the high ceiling directly in the center. 

The oversized bed has layers of cozy bedding. Tall windows draped with beautiful curtains. Tons of books and notebooks sat scattered on a desk that was directly across from his bed. He turned to look at me, “you okay?” he asked. I nodded my head.

“Stop stressing so much” he said as he set down my bag on a bench that was placed at the end of his bed. “I just feel weird, never been inside a place this big and fancy” I said, coming off more self conscious than intended. 

The first hour of me being inside his place felt kind of awkward. But Matt had a way of bringing out a side of me that nobody else could. Providing a sense of comfort that was hard to access on my own. 

He gave me a tour of the whole mansion. “So you have all of this space to yourself?” I said as we returned to his bedroom. He smiled, “mhm” he hummed as he plopped down onto his bed. 

I sat on the other side of the bed, still not able to comprehend how one person needs this much space. “You brought a swimsuit right?” he asked. I nodded my head. “You wanna get in the hot tub?” he asked. I smiled, “sure”.

After changing into my bikini I walked back into his bedroom. He sat on his bed already wearing his swim trunks. He looked up from the floor, his eyes scanning my body before locking with my eyes.

His jaw clenched, something undecipherable appeared in his eyes. “What?” I asked, suddenly feeling exposed. He blinked, “nothing” he said before smiling. He stood up and stepped towards me. “Come on” he said, grabbing my hand once again. 

We walked down the staircase, passed the dining hall and ballroom and into the backyard. The outside light posts created a path towards the hot tub. Matt got in first, I followed behind him. 

We sat in the hot tub and talked, a safe distance between us. The moonlight and stars shined down on us, “so peaceful out here” I said. “It is” he said in agreement. I looked up at the stars, the hot water surrounding our bodies.

I let my arms sway in the water, my body feeling so unbelievably grounded. I could feel Matt's eyes on me, but I avoided the eye contact. “So do you like working at the cafe?” he asked. “Yeah, it can get chaotic sometimes, but I really like it” I responded. 

“How long have you worked there?” he asked. “Since I was 18” I responded. He nodded his head, “did you ever imagine working at a cafe when you were younger?” he asked. “Not really to be honest. But I don’t mind it” I said.

“What did you wanna be when you were a kid?” he asked. “I don’t know, I never really never figured it out. I thought about being a ballet dance teacher though” I said. His eyebrows raised. 

“Ballet, huh?” he said. I smiled, “yeah I did ballet from ages 7 to 18” I said. “Why did you stop?” he asked. “Life happened” I shrugged. “What about you though? Did you ever have any big dreams as a kid?” I asked.

He shrugged his shoulders, “I used to wanna be a plane pilot” he said. I smiled, “you like planes and flying?” I asked. “Yeah, I used to be obsessed with planes when I was a kid” he said. “I like that alot” I said.

“Do your parents live here too?” he asked. I looked away from him and back up at the stars. “No, they don't" I said. “Oh, where do they live?” he asked. “They’re both dead” I voiced in a monotone manner. 

“Oh” he said. “Can I ask how they passed?” he asked. I looked back at him, trying to mask the overwhelming amount of emotion that just hit me like a crashing wave. “Maybe some other time” I said. He nodded his head. 

After spending a while in the hot tub we got out and returned to his bedroom. I changed into a pair of sweatpants and a plain tank-top. I laid in the bed that was too big for one person and waited for Matt to get done showering. 

Even after spending time here I was still in awe. I grabbed onto my phone realizing I had forgotten it existed for the past couple hours. I was scrolling through social media when Matt walked back into his room with no shirt on and sweatpants that hung low on his waist. 

He plopped on the bed next to me, “how are you feeling?” he asked. I looked over at him and set my phone down. “Good” I said with a smile on my face. “You hungry?” he asked. I nodded my head. 

Matt and I had spent the next hour in his kitchen where he cooked steak and vegetables. We sat next to each other as we ate the delicious food and got lost in conversation. 

“I don’t know, sometimes I dream of leaving all this behind and going somewhere else” he said. I set my plate to the side, “why would you do that?” I asked. He shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t know, maybe I just feel complacent here” he said. 

“But you have everything here already, a house, friends - sophie” I said, the last part coming out more quietly. He nodded his head “Sophie” he said, repeating her name like she was a distant memory instead of someone he was in an active relationship with. 

He looked like he was in deep thought, like saying her name reminded him of the reality he lived in. A reality that he didn’t appear to be very fond of. “You guys are still together right?” I asked. He blinked and locked eyes with me. Silence was the only response I got.

“What?” I asked, almost confused, maybe concerned that I said the wrong thing. “Yeah, Sophie and I are still together” he finally said, the tone of his voice almost sounding regretful. “You say that like it’s a bad thing” I said. He raised his eyebrows like my words caught him off guard. 

“No, no it’s not a bad thing” he said. I stared at him, trying to read his energy. “But-” he started, “but what?” I questioned. “Nothing, nevermind” he said before grabbing my plate and taking it to the sink. 

“Let me wash it” I said walking up next to him. He chuckled, “no way” he said, blocking the sink with his body. “I’m serious, it’s the least I could do after you cooked for me” I said. He ignored my words and continued to wash our plates. 

I ended up sitting on the kitchen counter as he cleaned the rest of the kitchen up. I got lost in my own thoughts quickly. 

I watched as he wiped down the kitchen counters. “Why are you so quiet all the sudden? What’s going on in your mind?” he asked. I shrugged my shoulders, not giving him a clear answer. 

He set the rag he was using in his sink before turning around to look at me. He stood there and observed me for a moment. 

“I just think that I sometimes wish I could get up and leave all of this behind too” I said. He nodded his head, listening to my words carefully. “And sometimes I question what I’m doing with my life” I said. 

He took a step closer to me. “You don’t have to rush and have everything figured out right now” he said. His words were reassuring in a way that brought me some comfort. “A wise woman told me once that nothing good comes from rushing” he said. I smiled. 

He took a couple more steps towards me. My legs dangled off the floor as I sat still on the countertop. “Do you ever question your existence?” I asked. He smiled and nodded his head. 

He took one more step closer to me, our eyes locked as he stood right in front of me. “I tend to question my existence often” he said. I stared at him with so much curiosity, picking apart his brain was something I grew fond of. 

He reached his hand out, parting my legs ever so slightly. My heartbeat picked up as he placed himself between my legs, the closeness of our bodies causing my mind to run blank and be so focused on the present. His hands moved to wrap around my waist. My breath hitching at the sudden physical contact. 

“I think we as humans strive to give things meaning. And although that’s something that comes naturally to us I think we get so caught up trying to make sense of it all that we forget to simply let ourselves live” he said.

His touch had such a big impact on me that I was finding myself struggling with focusing on his words. But I nodded my head because what he was saying made sense.

“Your right, living doesn’t require purpose. It just matters that we’re alive” I said. He smiled, “I love your brain y/n” he said as he tightened his grip on my waist slightly. 

We stared into each others eyes, everything around us dissipating. My heartbeat picked up pace even more. I immediately started searching for an escape, for a way out of our current position, an excuse to break this moment. Because I knew that if I didn’t stop it now, it would lead to something irreversible. 

A little bit later we were laying on his bed underneath his cozy blankets. We laid facing each other, our eyes focused on one another. The room was dim, the only light being the t.v. that was on some rerun reality show. A safe enough distance between us.

“Tell me a secret” he said. I giggled, “a secret?” I asked. He nodded his head. “Umm, I never go to sleep with my lamp off at home because I have a fear of the dark” I said. “Really?” he asked. A light laugh escaped my lips as I nodded my head.

“We never have to sleep with the lights off” he said. I stared at him, his words repeating in my head. My stomach flipped, his gaze still on me. I pushed down the feeling, “okay, now you tell me a secret” I said, in hopes to distract myself from the butterflies in my stomach. 

“I judge people’s music taste more than I judge anything else” he said. My jaw dropped as I dramatically gasped. “Wow, how could you?” I joked. “Music is so important, how could I not?” he said. I laughed, “so judgemental” I said.

He smiled, his eyes struggling to stay on my eyes instead of my lips. My laughs faded, and there we were, once again staring at each other in silence. Like nothing else existed. Like we lived in a world with just us two. 

“You should come closer” he said. My heartbeat picked up just a little bit. “I don’t bite y/n” he said when he noticed the look of hesitation on my face. I smiled before moving my position closer to him. The distance between us becoming very little. 

His eyes moved to my lips once again before locking eyes with me. “Need you closer” he said quietly. “If I get any closer I'll be touching you” I said. “Exactly” he said before grabbing onto my waist and pulling me into him.

He held onto me as my head laid against his bare chest. His fingers ran through my hair while my stomach flipped upside down. “You're no good Mathew” I said. “I will be for you though, good to you, good for you. I’ll be anything you want me to be” he said. 

His words sunk underneath my skin, gently caressing the crevices of my mind. I was actively fighting myself within, self control. I could fall apart so easily for him, so willingly I thought to myself.

I moved my body, turning around, laying on his chest made it hard for me to think straight. He turned with me, pulling my body back against him. He spooned me, his hand resting on my stomach. 

“Tell me another secret” I said, my voice quiet and hesitant. I closed my eyes, sleep approaching. His hand rubbed gently against my stomach as he leaned into me. His mouth right above my ear, “another secret is that you drive me completely crazy” he whispered. 

I tried to focus on keeping my breath steady. The tension otherworldly. I shut my eyes tightly and breathed. “Goodnight Matt” I said. His hand continued to rub my belly, “goodnight y/n” he said. 

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@courta13

[magicaldice]

synopsis: A.A.O is a story of pushing boundaries, conflicting emotions, questioning morality and a connection between two people who debate risking everything for a love that is more than real.

part 3.

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I woke up with a headache and in a state of confusion. I looked over at my nightstand noticing the water bottle and ibuprofen. And then flashbacks of the night before hit me all at once. Peyton and Kylie. The drugs. The man who seemed charming but who was actually rotten to his core. And then Matt. 

Remembering what all happened last night was a blur, I spent some time trying to put the bits and pieces of what I remembered together. Some parts making sense, other parts not so much. 

I remember seeing Matt. In my mind he looked mad, or maybe concerned. But I couldn’t tell if I was making things up or not. I thought I remembered him being in my apartment last night. But that wouldn’t make sense. 

I would never let Matt into my apartment. Not only because I just met him. But because he lives by pine road. He’s rich, probably used to spiral staircases and maids. Probably used to not worrying about the prices at a grocery store. While I on the other hand save up my tips from the cafe just in case of emergencies. 

I would have to ask Matt what happened. If he was really in my apartment or if the drugs from last night fucked me up to the point of dreaming of him. 

I immediately grabbed onto my phone, 12 missed calls from Kylie. I rubbed my eyes as I took ibuprofen and drank some water. I was so glad that I had today off because I felt unbelievably hungover. 

I ended up calling Kylie, who just so happened to answer on the first ring. “What the fuck” she said into the phone. “Hey, sorry I think I got too carried away last night” I said. “Girl, I was so worried. Did you make it home safe?” she asked. “Yeah” I said looking around my bedroom.

I didn’t mention Matt. Instead I changed the topic. We debriefed the parts of last night where we were together. She was already planning another time for us to go out which I politely had to remind her clubbing was a thing I did on rare occasions. 

We talked a little longer before saying our goodbyes and hanging up the phone. Since I had today off I decided to let today be a chill day. But instead of resting I had plans to deep clean my apartment and keep myself busy.

First I cooked some breakfast, and drank some water to fuel my body. After eating I cleaned up my kitchen, wiped down the counters, organized the utensils and swept. Next was my living room. And after making my living room all tidy and organized I moved to my bedroom. 

After spending time doing laundry, taking trash out and making everything look decent again I finally got into the shower. The hot water poured down on my body, the sensations of the water hitting my skin grounding me.

As I washed my hair, I tried not to think about the events of last night. I didn’t know what was worse. Not knowing/not remembering everything. Or possibly asking Matt for the missing pieces of my memories and then him revealing just how much I made a fool of myself. 

Soap ran down my body as I got lost in my thoughts. How odd is it for someone to find you at your job and demand to get to know each other? You would have to be slightly insane to do something like that especially after the fact the first time we met I had spilled coffee on him. 

He said that I intrigued him. What part of spilling coffee on someone is intriguing? I guess I was just trying to understand what his motives are. I honestly never have had something like this before. 

I stared at my shampoo bottles as I continued to think about all of it. If his intentions were to be fuck buddies or have sexual relations I knew that I wouldn’t hesitate to stay away from him. Due to my incapability to have casual sex.  

Nothing about the way I am is casual. In fact casual sex is foreign to me, I refused to partake in such activities. Not because I didn’t want to. But because the moment I have sex with someone, is the moment everything changes. 

I don’t date casually, I don’t have sex casually, I don’t love casually. I’m a passionate person with emotions that consume me, that swallow me whole at some points. To ever have sex with someone and have it not lead to attachment sounds fun in theory. Unfortunately it’s not possible for me. 

The last time I had sex was a year ago. I had attempted to have “casual” sex with someone. Which led to a complete disaster. I took an oath to not do anything like that again as a way to protect myself. 

Yes, the opportunities to do something like that again have been there. The opportunities and offers to be taken on dates weren’t enough for me to actually indulge. I was weird about intimacy. 

People like my friend Kylie didn’t understand why I would decline every chance to have some fun. She would always say things like “you're robbing yourself from having more experience”. But she didn’t get it. Nobody really did. 

The hot water started to run cold, bringing me back to reality. I hopped out of the shower and wrapped myself in a towel. I sat in my room and listened to music as I tried to figure out what else to do with my time. 

Just as I started to scroll through social media an incoming call from Matt popped up. I stared at his name for a minute before deciding to accept the call. 

“Please tell me I didn’t make myself out to be as big of a fool of myself as I remember last night” I said into the phone. I heard a laugh escape his lips and I immediately knew whatever he was going to say wasn’t what I wanted to hear.

“Can you hangout?” he asked. My eyebrows furrowed, that was not the words I expected. “Hangout?” I said. “Yeah, I'll tell you about last night in person” he said. I took a couple seconds to register his words. 

“I don’t know, what would we even do?” I asked. “Anything you want” he responded. I looked outside my window as I pondered. “Maybe some other time” I finally said. “Y/n don’t make me beg” he said. I let out a light giggle. As I stared out the window I thought for a moment longer, “fine” I said with a bashful smile on my face. 

“Is there anything in particular you’d like to do?” he asked. “It’s nice outside, let's go for a walk maybe?” I said. “I have an idea” he said. “What's your idea?” I asked. “Send me a list of things you like to eat, snacks and drinks” he said. 

“Why?” I asked. “We’ll go on a picnic” he responded. I looked outside my bedroom window again. The weather was nice, the sun was shining, soon to be sunset. “Okay” I said. “I’ll pick you up in a bit” he said before we hung up the phone.

After sending him random snacks and drinks that I like I got dressed. I stared at myself in the mirror as I finished putting on my lip liner. Is doing all this worth it? Going on a picnic with some random man I just met a couple days ago?

I fixed my hair in the mirror as I continued to think about the possibilities of where this would lead. I didn’t have many friends, my circle was as small as a cheerio. So maybe this would be the start of something really good. A part of me yearned for connection.

And so as I finished getting ready I tried to put all the overthinking to the back of my head. Friends didn’t appear out of thin air, you had to actually put in effort, take risks even. I put on a presentable looking outfit and waited for him to text that he was here.

A little while later I was walking out of my apartment and towards his car. 

“You look really beautiful” he said. “Thank you” I said, a shy smile forming on my lips. 

The drive to the location was really nice. The sun shining through the trees, the car windows down to let the breeze of the wind hit our faces. The soft music that played in the background, the small talk. All of it was super nice. 

And that was until I noticed we were headed in the direction of pine road. “Where are we going?” I asked. “There’s a really nice spot around here” he said. “By pine road?” I said. “Yeah, it’ll be really nice” he said. A pit in my stomach formed.

I avoided going to the side of town where pine road was. Maybe because I was bitter. Maybe because anytime I drove by pine road I would stare at all the mansions and seeth with envy. Or maybe because I felt extremely out of place around that neighborhood. 

But I put my feelings to the side. 

We pulled into a woodsy area, tall trees surrounding us everywhere. When the car was parked Matt looked over at me and smiled. “Why do you look so nervous?” he asked. I shrugged my shoulders and smiled. 

We got out of the car and I took the view in. Matt focused on getting the picnic basket and blanket out from the back of the car. “It’s so pretty out here” I said, more to myself than to him.

“Come on, it’s this way” he said as he started walking down a dirt path. I followed next to him. 

A couple minutes into our walk a beautiful garden came into view. A garden that was filled with all kinds of flowers, beautiful trimmed hedges and bushes, a stone fountain, and birdbaths. “Oh my god” I said, in complete shock. 

In the further distance was a big pond where ducks were swimming. He set down the picnic basket and laid out the blanket on the freshly cut grass. We sat down and he started to empty out the goodies from the basket.

All sorts of fruits and snacks laid in front of us, grapes, strawberries, different types of cheeses and crackers, lemonade and a variety of other things. “It’s so beautiful out here” I said. He handed me a cracker with cheese on it. “I agree” he said.

“Is this where you take every girl you meet?” I joked. “Wow, you caught me” he said, surrendering with his hands. We both laughed while I poured lemonade into a styrofoam cup. 

We sat and enjoyed the snacks, some slight banter happening between our bites of food. He joked about a snake slithering in the grass next to me which led to me slightly panicking. I threw a grape at him expecting it to hit his face but he caught it with his mouth instead. 

After a while of our conversations being all over the place we eventually sat there and enjoyed watching the sunset in comfortable silence. The sky colors mixing of orange hues, it was a sight I'd never forget. 

“So unfortunately I have to ask about last night” I said. He finished chewing the grape he popped into his mouth. “It was terrible” he joked. “Don’t play with me right now Matt” I said. He let out an exhale and shrugged his shoulders.

“I didn’t expect to see you there. I was just there for my friend's birthday” he said. I listened as he continued to explain. “You were dancing with some random. I could smell the malicious intent on him from a mile away” he said. I picked at my nails, listening to him closely.

“I tried to mind my business. But when I saw you stumbling everywhere I recognized you were 2 seconds away from being blackout” he explained. “I saw the way he grabbed onto your body, I seen the way he looked at you. It was like he was excited to act in such a predatory way that it made me feel physically ill” he said. 

“And so I acted out of instinct when I saw him lead you to the club doors exit. I pulled you away from him. I didn’t care if you would be mad at me or not. I just cared if you were gonna be safe or not” he said. 

I looked away from Matt, somehow feeling ashamed, almost as if it was my fault for the way the man was ready to take advantage of me. Maybe if I hadn’t taken that last shot, or maybe if I didn’t smoke that blunt I wouldn’t have put myself in that position. 

“I’m sorry” I said looking back up at Matt. He looked mind boggled when an apology came out of my mouth. “What? Sorry for what? You have nothing to be sorry about” he said in a more serious tone. 

I didn’t respond, I just looked away from him and avoided eye contact to the best of my ability. “That man was evil spirited y/n. You didn’t do anything wrong” he reassured. I nodded my head. “I’m serious” he said. I nodded my head again.

“Well thank you” I said. “Don’t thank me for the bare minimum y/n” he said. I smiled because I could tell he meant what he was saying. “So after that what happened?” I asked. “Well then I carried you to my car” he said. I laughed and covered my face with my hands. 

“I made sure you got home safe” he said. “So I didn’t imagine the part where you were inside my apartment?” I asked. “No maame” he said with a big smile. A pit in my stomach formed knowing that he was inside my apartment but I masked the feeling. 

We continued to talk more and more, eating some more snacks and enjoying each other's company. The sunset was the most beautiful thing I’d seen in awhile and I soaked every moment of it in. 

“So, how are you and your girlfriend” I said. “She’s not my girlfriend” he said. “Now is not the time to start lying Matt” I laughed. He let out an exasperated sigh. “She is my girlfriend but she’s not at the same time” he said. 

“Sophie and I are on and off. And we’ve been on and off for a year” he said. I raised my eyebrows, suspicion and curiosity creeping in. “On and off for a year?” I asked. “Mhm” he hummed. 

“Why are you guys always on and off?” I asked. “I don’t know, it's just how it’s always kind of been” he said vaguely. “Well, are you and Sophie together right now?” I asked. He smiled, a smile that didn’t seem genuine and nodded his head. “We are” he said. 

I subconsciously took a mental note of that. “Well Sophie seemed like a ray of sunshine at the cafe” I joked. He laughed and shrugged his shoulders. “She’s definitely something” he responded. 

We changed the topic once again. Everything surface level, easy conversation, easy topics. The sun was almost completely gone.

“Did I tell you that you look really beautiful today?” he asked. I smiled, “you did”. 

“Well, can I tell you again?” he asked. I shrugged my shoulders and smiled. “You're really beautiful y/n” he said. “Thank you” I said. He stared at me as we sat across from each other. 

“Careful, might start to think you have a crush on me” I said. A smirk came across his face, “and if I did?” he asked. My face faltered for only a second, his words sinking into my skin. “Well i’d hope not considering Sophie is probably waiting for you somewhere” I said. 

He looked away from me, his smile fading just a tiny bit. He reached for his styrofoam cup that was filled with lemonade and took a big sip. His eyes went to my lips for a couple seconds before returning to my eyes. 

The sunset was officially over and it was now practically all dark out. “We should probably get going. Gotta get up early for work tomorrow and stuff” I said. I helped him pack up all the left over food.

The car ride back to my place was a peaceful quiet. I let my head lean against the window and let myself relax. When we arrived to my apartment complex he parked his car. 

“Thank you for today” I said. “Anytime” he said. “I had fun, really, thank you. I’m probably gonna go get ready for bed now” I said. “Okay, you better text me” he said. “I will, goodbye Matt” I said before shutting the car door. 

After awhile I was finally ready to go sleep. I tried not to think of the way he looked at me. The way his energy was so comforting and the way he repeated his compliments or the fact that this felt like the start of something good.

I truthfully had nothing to worry about. I would have never agreed to hangout with him if I knew he wanted something more. Which wasn’t the case especially considering he has a girlfriend. 

My eyes closed and I was drifting off to sleep. The last thing I consciously thought about was wondering when the next time I could see Matt again would be. 

And little did I know, he was doing the same even while trying to sleep next to Sophie. 

taglist:

@courta13

[magicaldice]

synopsis: A.A.O is a story of pushing boundaries, conflicting emotions, questioning morality and a connection between two people who debate risking everything for a love that is more than real.

part 4.

previous chapter. next chapter. series masterlist

It had been a busy couple weeks at the cafe. People were flying in from everywhere due to spring break which meant no days off. Today was no different. It’d been busy since we opened early this morning. 

Kylie was slacking just a little bit due to her previous night before of partying. Which meant I had to carry us throughout the shift. But I respected her for showing up despite being hungover as fuck. 

My shirt was covered in espresso, milk, coffee syrups and coffee grounds. We had no time for breaks today and we sure as hell had to stay focused to keep up pace. Which is why I was getting irritated with myself whenever my thoughts would wonder off to Matt. 

I hadn’t hung out with him since the picnic, which was two weeks ago. But he texted everyday since then asking when the next time we could hangout was.There was even a couple times we sat on a phone calls for a couple hours at a time due to him “wanting to hear the sound of my voice”.

It’s not that I didn’t want to hangout. I just hadn’t had the energy to be able to. I felt like a flaky friend at some points because there were a couple times I told him we could hangout but then I got called into work and had to cancel plans. 

The cafe closed in 2 hours, customers starting die out. “I’ll be right back, I'm gonna go to the bathroom” I said to Kylie. After using the bathroom I grabbed my phone from my pocket and checked my phone. 

I read a message that Matt sent 2 hours ago. 

from matt: wanna see u soon pretty girl

I smiled as I read the message. I tucked my phone back into my pocket and headed back out to continue working. “You doing okay?” I asked Kylie who was wiping down a counter. “Yeah. Remind me to never drink tequila if I have to work the next day” she said. I let out a laugh.

“Oh my god I forgot to tell you” Kylie said with an excited expression on her face. “Tell me what?” I asked. “Last night at the club I met this guy named Ryan. He looked like he would be your type. Handsome and everything. I showed him a picture of you and he said he’d love to take you out sometime” she said. 

I laughed and shook my head. “Before you say no I got his instagram, just scroll through his pictures” she said handing me her phone. I started to scroll through his posts. She was right, he was very attractive and handsome. 

I handed the phone back to her. “So what do you think?” she asked. “No, i’m good” I said. “Are you serious? I thought for sure you might’ve said yes to him” she said. “I’m good” I said once again. “Not even gonna give him a chance?” she asked. I gave her a knowing look. She surrendered her hands, “okay then” she said. 

Some time passed, officially an hour left of work. I was counting down the time, ready to go home and relax. There were only a couple customers sitting in the lobby who would most likely leave soon. Kylie and I started cleaning and getting ready to close. 

I picked up a rag and started wiping down the coffee machines. The cafe’s door bells chimed and I got ready to put on my best customer service face. But I was completely caught off guard when I looked towards the door and seen that it was Matt who walked in. 

I walked towards him, “what are you doing here?” I asked. “Wow, I can’t get coffee from my favorite cafe?” he joked. I took a jab at his shoulder and laughed. “No seriously though, what are you doing here?” I asked. 

“I wanna see you” he said. “I know i’ve just been working everyday with no days off” I said. “Well I can’t wait any longer” he said. “You miss me?” I joked. “Maybe” he said playfully. The truth disguised as a joke. 

“Well I can’t just leave work” I said. “Okay so after work I’ll come pick you up from your place” he said. I pretended to ponder the idea, even though I knew I would agree. “Fine. I suppose”. He smiled a big smile.

“You really need to stop popping up at my job though” I said. “Why? Am I distracting you?” he asked with playful sarcasm in his voice. I took a step closer to him. Our bodies less than a foot apart. I let my pointer finger hit his chest as I pointed at him, “you're obsessive” I said. He stared down into my eyes with a smirk. “Only for you” he said. 

With our eyes locked and the closeness between us, there was a moment where it felt like we were the only two people in the cafe. It felt like I genuinely almost forgot where we were at. His words repeated in my head as he stared down into my eyes. 

“Only for you”

“Only for you”

“Only for you”

The bells on the cafe doors chimed and broke me out from whatever trance I was in. “I’ll see you tonight, okay?” he said. I smiled, “okay” I said before walking back behind the counter. Kylie was staring at me with her jaw on the ground. 

I avoided eye contact with her as I took the customers order who just came in. I started working on making the customers coffee when I heard Kylie from behind me.

“What the hell did I just witness?” she asked. “What do you mean?” I asked. “Girl” she said. “What?” I asked. “Do not play dumb with me y/n” she said. I chuckled before grabbing the finished coffee. “I’m not” I said before walking out to the lobby and handing the customer their coffee. 

-

I walked out to Matt’s car excited to hangout again. 

“So what do you wanna do?” I asked him. “You wanna go get some food?” he asked. “Yeah but I'm in sweatpants right now so can we go through a drive thru or something?” I asked. He nodded his head and started to drive. 

Our conversations were going smoothly, the drive went by fast and before you know it we were parked in a restaurant's parking lot eating food.

“I used to hate sauce when I was younger” he said as he dipped his french fry in ketchup. I gasped dramatically “that’s so wrong. How could you eat fries without sauce?” I said in a fake judgemental tone. 

More time and talking passed. “So what are some things you like to do?” he asked. “I don’t know I feel like a grandma whenever someone asks me that question” I said. “What do you mean?” he asked. “I like to do grandma hobbies. Like crocheting and reading and things of that sort” I responded. “Wow I think I see your gray hair coming in” he joked. “Matt!” I exclaimed. “I’m just joking” he smiled.

“What about you? What do you like to do?” I questioned. He swallowed the bite of his food before answering. “Really anything. I like to try new things a lot of the time because I get bored quickly” he said.

We continued to sit there and eat until eventually all of our food was gone. I checked the time on my phone 9 pm was hitting. Matt snatched my phone out of my hand, “hey!” I yelled. “It’s only 9 pm grandma” he said. I took a jab at his shoulder “give me my phone” I demanded. He handed me back my phone and surrendered his hands. 

I stared up at the moon from the car window. “What do you wanna do now?” he asked. I shrugged my shoulders and pondered some ideas. 

“Let’s go to the beach” I said, feeling spontaneous. “Right now?” he asked, looking out the car window and into the sky. “Unless you don’t want to” I said. “No, we should go” he said. I smiled and buckled my seatbelt. 

As we drove to the beach I stared out of the car window. Not feeling anything besides feeling present. Which is something I usually struggled with. Once we got to the parking lot of the beach we got out of the car.

We started to walk through the sand towards the shore. As we walked along the shoreline we started to talk more. “So do you like living here?” Matt asked. “For the most part, what about you?” I asked. “Yeah it’s okay” he responded.

“Do you like traveling?” he asked. “I mean I think I would. I haven't really traveled anywhere before. I really want to some day though” I said. “Where would you wanna go if you could?” he asked. “I don’t know. Maybe somewhere like New York or Italy" I said. 

“The traffic in New York is insane” Matt said. “You’ve been there?” I asked. “Yeah, a couple times” he said. “For what?” I asked. “Just because I wanted to see what it was like” he responded. His reasoning shocked me. But then I remembered he lives near pine road. He was able to do things like that without even checking his bank account. 

Silence fell over us, the only sound to be heard were the waves crashing onto the shore next to us. The moonlight illuminated the sky and the stars shined down on us. “I could take you one day” he said. “What? You're crazy” I said. “I’m serious” he responded. I shoved him near the water, laughing as he stumbled over his feet before catching his balance. 

After walking a little bit longer we decided to sit on the sand. “It’s so nice when the beach isn’t crowded” I said. “We should come here together more often” he said. I smiled at the thought of that. 

“I bet the water is really nice, we should get in it” he said. “Matt it’s literally probably freezing right now” I said. “I know, but it’d be nice if it wasn’t” he chuckled. I stared up at the moon, admiring it from afar. 

“Do you like swimming?” he asked. “Yeah I actually like it alot” I said. “What do you like about it?” he asked. “I don’t know. I guess that when I'm in the water it makes me feel free. Small. Like all my problems don’t exist” I said. “Explain” he said.

“Whenever i’m in water it grounds me. And whenever I'm submerged in water and holding my breath it’s like one of the best feelings ever. It makes me present. When I float in water I feel as light as a feather. Which is really freeing because sometimes I feel like I carry so much heavy weight. Not physically but mentally, emotionally” I explained. 

He stared at me with something undecipherable in his eyes. “What?” I asked, suddenly feeling exposed. “Nothing. I just like hearing what goes on inside your mind” he said. A soft smile appeared on my face. 

“I wanna know more” he said. “Know more of what?” I asked. “Of you and what goes on inside your mind” he responded. I tried to brush off his words, tell myself he didn’t really care to know. But when I tried to change the topic he called me out.

“Stop deflecting” he said. My eyes went to his, a brief moment of silence passed. “There’s nothing more to know Matt” I said, my voice a little quieter. “There’s so much to know” he argued. Another brief moment of silence passed. “Nothing good comes with rushing” I finally said. He nodded his head, patience is a virtue. 

I picked up some sand and threw it at him. “Y/N!” he yelled. I laughed uncontrollably before he picked up some sand and threw it back at me. My jaw dropped. “You did not just do that” I said. “Not so funny now is it?” he laughed.

I picked up some more sand before throwing it at him, I quickly stood up and started to run across the beach. “Y/n!” he yelled before standing up and chasing after me. I tried to run as fast as I could while laughing so hard to the point of where I was unable to breathe.

He caught up to me fast, he grabbed onto my arm and pulled me into him. “Fuck” I said, laughs still escaping my mouth. His arms wrapped around my body and he picked me up, my legs wrapping around his torso while my hands latched onto his neck like it was instinct. 

“You weren’t fast enough” he said, his voice lower as his face was inches from mine. I suddenly became hyperaware of our bodies touching. His hands hooked underneath my legs to keep me against him, my arms around his neck, our faces inches apart. All of it made me feel an unusual feeling I couldn’t name. 

“Come back to my house with me” he whispered. I let my head lay against his shoulder. “Maybe some other time” I whispered back while my chest heaved against his, trying to catch my breath. I expected him to put me down but instead he carried me all the way from the beach to his car, my chin resting on his shoulder, my arms wrapped around his neck still.

He opened the car door and placed me inside the vehicle. The drive back to my apartment was quiet. Not in an awkward, weird way. More like in a comfortable, peaceful way. “Can I have some of your drink, mine is all gone” I said holding up my empty soda from the cupholder. “Yeah, you don’t have to ask, just take it” he said.

Both of our hands reached for his drink at the same time, our hands brushing. I looked up at him, his jaw clenched as his eyes focused on our hands lingering. He retrieved his hand back, placing it back on the steering wheel. 

Sitting in the parking lot of my apartment complex now I felt a wave of dread. I didn’t want to go inside. I didn’t want this night to be over yet. “Are you sure you have to go to bed?” he asked. It took everything in me to have self control and say yes. “I have to be up early in the morning” I said. 

His phone that sat in this middle console buzzed and I looked down at the notification thinking it was my phone. But instead I saw a text from Sophie that said “wya. I miss u baby”. Matt stared at the message just as long as I did. He looked back up at me before grabbing his phone and turning the power button off. 

“Don’t let me keep you gone for too long” I said. “I want you to though” he said as he placed his now powered off phone back into the middle console. I looked out the window. Self control, I thought to myself. 

“You can come inside for a bit, if you want” I said. He smiled, “okay”. Walking into my apartment I thought about if this was a good idea or not. But Matt happened to interrupt my overthinking. 

“I didn’t notice the plants in here last time I was here” he said while taking his shoes off at the door. I looked over at the plant sitting in the corner of my living room, “yeah that's my baby” I giggled. 

We sat on my living room couch, a safe distance between us. “You wanna watch a movie?” I asked. “Yeah, what kind of movies do you like to watch?” he asked. “I don’t really have a preference”.

Eventually we settled on watching some random romcom on Netflix. About 20 minutes into the movie we started talking, forgetting we were supposed to be watching the movie. 

“Your apartment is really nice by the way” he said. I looked over at him, a look of disapproval scattered across my face. “I’m serious, I like it in here. Feel’s homey” he said. I looked around my living room.

“It’s all that I've got” I said. He stared at me like he was observing me. Almost like he was trying to read my mind. “When did you get this place? Like how long have you been living by yourself?” he asked. “For a while” I said vaguely. He nodded his head.

“Do you like living alone?” he asked. “I didn’t use to, but I actually love it now” I said. “What about you? I assume you live alone, or with sophie” I said. “I live alone. I like it but it can get really boring sometimes” he responded. I nodded my head in agreement. 

We continued to talk for a while before refocusing our attention back to the movie. My eyes started to get heavier the more that time passed. I yawned and grabbed the throw blanket that sat next to me on the couch.

“You getting tired?” Matt asked. I nodded my head, my body leaning just a little towards him. I stared at the t.v trying to pay attention to whatever was going on in the movie. “Come here” I heard Matt say.

I looked over at him, clearly confused. “Just come over here” he said. I moved closer to him, still cautious, still distance between us. I put the blanket over my body. It was like fighting my sleep only made me more tired.

I started leaning even more, sleep sounding more and more better by the second. “Just lay down angel” he said softly. And as stubborn as I wanted to be, I gave in. I moved once again, letting my body lay against the couch and my head rest in his lap. 

I immediately was immersed in such a state of relaxation. “Don’t fight your sleep my pretty girl” he whispered. I closed my eyes, so tired and so content. A few seconds later I felt his fingers start to massage into my scalp. “Sleep well y/n” he said as he continued to play with my hair. 

I fell asleep within seconds. Completely okay with how safe it felt. Completely okay with how intimate it truly felt. Completely engulfed by his comforting energy and touch. 

He was a friend, I told myself. And I knew that even if in my deep subconscious I ever thought anything more of him, I would never act on it. Because I'm not a homewrecker, I'm not built for casual, and I refused to be consumed by the idea of what could be. 

taglist:

@courta13

[magicaldice]

synopsis: A.A.O is a story of pushing boundaries, conflicting emotions, questioning morality and a connection between two people who debate risking everything for a love that is more than real.

part 2.

previous chapter. next chapter. series masterlist.

Today was one of the busiest days we’ve had in awhile at the cafe. I had the biggest headache, I was practically drenching in sweat from constantly moving around and not to mention we were short staffed today. 

I had an hour left of my shift and I was beyond ready to go home. All I wanted to do was take a nice, long, hot shower and go to sleep. During the moments where we had a small break I would check my phone in hopes that it was closer to 7 pm than it was the last time I checked.

“When is the last time you went out?” Kylie asked. “I don’t know it’s been a minute” I responded truthfully. “Exactly, it’s been too long girl. Come to the club tonight with me and Peyton” she said. I gave her a knowing look, one that gave her an answer without saying any actual words.

“Oh come on y/n. You need to live a little” she said. “Maybe some other time” I responded. Kylie rolled her eyes before taking some dishes to the back. The bells on the cafe door chimed, more customers walked inside. 

An hour passed, customers started dying out and Kylie and I focused on getting things cleaned and prepared for tomorrow. I could use an ibuprofen and sleep right about now. 

Right as I thought I served the last customer for the night another one walked in. This time it was a tall man carrying a bag who looked to be in his 40’s. I took a deep breath and tried to keep my composure, irritation creeping in at the fact that he decided to come in 5 minutes until closing time. 

“Yeah I would like a cappuccino" he said. I rang in his order and collected his money before watching him go sit in the lobby. “Please don’t tell me he’s going to try and stay here” Kylie whispered over at me.

I peered out into the lobby and watched the man grab his laptop from his bag. It looked like he had no intention of leaving anytime soon which only fueled the irritation under my skin even more. 

I finished making the cappuccino and decided to take matters into my own hands. “Here’s that cappuccino for you” I said, holding out the warm coffee to him. He grabbed the coffee out of his hand and barely acknowledged my existence. No manners. No friendly energy. Nothing.

“Sir I would just like to let you know we’re actually closing in 5 minutes” I said politely. He looked up at me like I said something deeply offensive. “You're joking, right?” he said. I tried to keep my energy neutral and be respectful.

“No sir, i’m sorry but we close at 7 pm” I said. He scoffed, “what kind of cafe closes at 7 pm?” he asked. “I don’t make the rules sir, I just work here” I said, my patience thinning by the second. 

“I come all the way here to get some peace and quiet. To do some work and now you're telling me I have to leave? I just got here less than 5 minutes ago” he said as if I personally attacked him. “I’m not exactly sure what you were expecting when showing up to a cafe 5 minutes before close” I argued. 

Another scoff came from the man. “This is fucking ridiculous” he said clearly upset. “Do you know who I am?” he asked. I looked him up and down, it wasn’t hard to tell he lives by pine road. But I had no time or energy to deal with a grown man having a fit.

“I personally don’t care to know who you are, but what I do know is that you now have 3 minutes and 25 seconds left before close” I responded in a fake cheerful voice. His jaw dropped slightly before he angrily closed his laptop and shoved it into his bag.

“I will have a talk with the owner soon about specifically your service” he said as he stood up. “Have fun with that sir” I said smiling. “Fuck you” he spat out. “You wish you could, huh?” I said with an even bigger smile. The man shot daggers at me with his eyes before stomping out of the cafe. 

“What the fuck was his problem?” Kylie asked. I let out a sigh “I don’t know and I honestly don't care” I said. Kylie and I finished closing down the store and grabbed our personal belongings before heading out.

At this point I started to reconsider Kylie’s offer to go out to the club tonight. Maybe I was due to have some fun. Let loose and be carefree for awhile.

“Hey actually what club were you thinking of going to?” I asked Kylie as we grabbed our purses. “Oh my god, you wanna go?” she asked, a massive shift in her energy. I smiled seeing her filled with so much excitement. 

“I’ll pick you up at like 10, okay?” she said. “Okay, text me” I said, holding the door open for her. “See you later” she said before walking towards her car. Just as I was about to put the key in the door to lock it I remembered my phone was still sitting on the counter inside. 

“Fuck” I mumbled before walking back inside the cafe. I grabbed my phone, checking it for a moment before walking back outside to lock the cafe door. Just as I shoved the key in to lock the door a man’s voice startled me. 

“Y/n” I heard from behind me. I damn near jumped out of my skin, completely caught off guard. I turned around, “Matt?” I said, deeply confused. He smiled a big smile, “you’re just the person I was looking for” he said. “What are you doing here? The cafe just closed” I said. 

“I know this might come off weird but I was coming to the cafe to see if you would be here because I can't stop thinking about the interaction we had” he said. “Oh- okay? If you changed your mind about wanting a refund you’ll have to come back in the morning” I said. He chuckled.

“No, no I don’t want a refund” he said. Confusion entered my state of being. “Then what is it?” I asked. “You intrigue me” he stated with a smile. “I intrigue you?” I asked, repeating his words back to him. “Yes, exactly” he said. 

“Okay? So what does that mean?” I asked. “It means we should get to know each other" he responded. I checked my phone to look at the time, “listen there’s really nothing to know about me and I have stuff to do, I have to get going” I said before pushing past him and walking towards the direction of my car.

“Wait, just wait” he said as he walked by my side. “I’m not saying we have to be the bestest of friends or anything, I'm just saying we should get to know each other”. I didn’t respond, instead I kept walking. 

“Slow down” he said as I fastened the pace of my walking. “What's the wrong in trying? Right? We could get along so good if you just gave it a shot” he said. Once we reached my car I finally turned around to look at him.

“I think you're crazy” I said. “Maybe just a little” he joked. I unlocked my car and looked down at my phone. “Come on, what’s the worst that could happen?” he asked. I looked away from him, trying to think of any excuse.

“Don’t you have a girlfriend?” I asked. A smirk came across his face as he shrugged his shoulders. “Just give this a chance” he said. I looked away from him again. “Y/n” he said. I looked back at him, “fine”, I gave in. I held out my phone and let him put his contact information in. 

“I have to go though, i’ll text you” I said before opening my car door. He smiled, “I’ll talk to you soon pretty girl”. I watched as he jogged back towards his car. I looked down at my phone, his contact information staring back at me. I shook my head and let out a big exhale. 

-

A couple hours later,  a couple alcohol shots deep and tons of careless dancing gone by, I found myself in the club bathroom smoking a blunt with Kylie and Peyton. I was surrounded by pretty girls with loud music blasting. I felt careless in the moment. No stress. No worries. Just on a mission to have a good time. 

“You look so good right now, like actually” Kylie said. “Girl stop dont make me blush” I said, handing her the almost gone blunt back. “No like she’s not even exaggerating your actually ethereal” Peyton chimed in. 

“I don’t understand why your always rejecting the men who come after you” Kylie said. I let out a giggle and shook my head. 

We passed around the blunt, took a couple photos in the club bathroom and then headed back to the bar to grab another shot. Kylie and Peyton took turns hitting on the bartender as I fixed my lip liner in my phone camera. 

I was suddenly startled from feeling somebody's hand tap my shoulder. “Hey” a man’s voice said from behind me. I turned around, “hey” I said. A man with blonde hair and green eyes stared back at me. 

“You from around here?” he asked. I smiled, “yeah, lived here my whole life” I responded. Beneath his smile lingered mischief. Kylie turned to hand me a shot and then continued to flirt with the bartender. 

The man watched me take the shot, his smile deepened. “Whats your name?” I asked. “Alex” he said. “Well Alex, it’s nice to meet you” I said. 

 “What do I got to do to get you to dance with me?” the man asked. I shrugged my shoulders and let out a light giggle. “Come on” he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me to the dance floor.

“Hey don’t go too far” Kylie yelled over the music. 20 minutes of dancing with the sexy stranger and I was starting to feel the drugs a little too much. I was getting a little light headed and also slight tunnel vision.

The man put his hands on my hips and my body swayed to the music. His hands started to go lower, creeping down to my ass. “We should take another shot” he said into my ear. I was lost in euphoria, unaware of my surroundings, unaware overall.

I felt his hands grip hard onto my ass, “yeah let’s take another shot” I agreed. The man grabbed onto my hand and led me through the crowd. Everything almost seemed to be in slow motion, Kylie and Peyton were nowhere to be seen and I was much closer to blacking out than I realized.

I had to hold onto the man for balance, and I wanted to tell him maybe another shot wasn’t a good idea but nothing other than laughs came out of my mouth. “You wanna head back to my place?” the man asked. All I could do was nod.

Just as we started to walk towards the clubs exit doors I felt somebody grip onto my arm. I turned around quickly, faster than I meant to. Or maybe my body was moving faster than my brain. Either way I was met with a familiar face. One that I saw only a couple hours ago.

“Matt?” I said with a bigger smile than intended. “You're not going with him” he said sternly. Alex realized I had stopped following him towards the exit. He walked back to where Matt and I were. “Is he bothering you?” Alex asked. 

Matt scoffed, his grip on my arm tightening just a little bit. “She’s not going with you dude” Matt said to Alex. Alex’s face faltered for a moment before he chuckled. “Y/n you want to go with me, don’t you?” he coaxed. 

I looked between the two of them and smiled, not able to keep up with their words as the drugs in my body made it hard to comprehend literally anything. “Where’s your girlfriend at Matt?” I said, my eyes completely glossed over as I struggled to keep my balance. 

“Y/n listen to me, you're not going with him” Matt said, seemingly in a very serious manner. I laughed at his words. “Have you been stalking me Matt?” I laughed, as I only had tunnel vision on Matt’s face. 

“Come on y/n, remember, we're going back to my place” Alex said as he stepped closer to me. “Your not fucking taking her anywhere” Matt said to Alex. “Dude, leave us alone” Alex said. “What’s going on?” I said out loud, more to myself than to anyone else. 

“She’s not even on this earth right now you sick fuck. Back the fuck up” Matt said to Alex. “What are you talking about bro? I’m just taking her back to my place to show her some things. Nothing serious” he said. 

“Right, while she’s one second away from being unconscious. Get the fuck out of here I’m not gonna say it again” Matt said. Alex scoffed like he was deeply offended. “Whatever dude” Alex said before walking towards the club exit. 

Matt loosened his grip on my arm but didn’t let go. “Mattt” I whined. “Y/n we need to get you home” he said. “No, the night is still so young” I complained. “Staying here isn’t an option” he responded. 

“Come on” he said, leading me outside. “Did you come here with friends?” he asked as we made it outside the club doors. “Yeah, I think” I said. He ran his hand through his hair and let out a deep exhale. 

“I’ll take you home, okay?” he said. As I tried to walk next to him my balance kept slipping leading me to stumble. “I’m just gonna carry you” Matt said. And before I could protest he was already picking me up bridal style. 

I leaned into his chest, the smell of his cologne filling my nostrils. “You smell so good” I said. He didn’t respond, focused on getting me to his car. Once we made it to his car he carefully placed me in the passenger seat and buckled the seatbelt. 

“Mattt” I whined once he was finally in the driver seat. “You okay?” he asked. “I’m okay Matt, i’m just really fucked up right now” I responded. Everything seemingly in slow motion, my body light as a feather. “I know pretty girl. I know” he said before starting the car engine. 

“I need your address” he said. Once my address was in the gps he started the drive. “I’m so tired” I said, leaning my head against the window. And within the next few minutes I was already asleep.

Matt’s POV:

Once we were outside of her apartment complex I parked my car. I would have let her sleep if I knew which apartment was hers. But since I didn’t I had to try and wake her up. “Y/n” I said. She didn’t budge.

When I went to the club tonight I didn’t expect to see her there. I really didn’t. I was only there to celebrate my friend's birthday. 

But then I saw y/n there. I tried to keep my eyes to myself. I tried to focus on my friends. But when she was stumbling on the club dance floor with that sick prick I couldn’t help but keep an eye on her.

I could see the man’s intentions from a mile away. Y/n and I weren’t close or anything yet, but that didn’t deter me from knowing the difference between right and wrong.

I got out of the car and walked to the passenger side and opened the door. I unbuckled her seatbelt and nudged her shoulder gently. She moved a little before going completely still again. I gently shook her body. 

“Huhhh” she whined. “We’re here” I said. She closed her eyes again and I let out a deep exhale. I knew that carrying her was the only option at this point. I grabbed her body and held her bridal style once again. Only then did she stir awake.

“Y/n my pretty girl, which apartment is yours?” I asked. “Apartment 4” she said as she latched her arms around my neck. I walked and walked searching for apartment 4. “Matt, did I tell you that you smell so good” she said. I smiled and tried my hardest to keep focused.

Once we reached apartment 4 I reached for the doorknob and turned it. It was unlocked, which is something I would have to have a talk to her about when she was sober. It was a little hard to find the light switch but once I did I made my way to her bedroom. 

When we got to her bedroom I placed her on the bed. Or tried to. She wouldn’t let her arms detach from around my neck. “You gotta let go” I said. “Don’t leave” she whined. “Stay here” she said before leaning back, her face directly in front of mine now.

I looked into her red glossy eyes. When I hesitated to respond to her, her eyes slowly dimmed. “Your girlfriend” she whispered like she had came to some big realization. I looked away from her.

She removed her hands from around my neck just to grab onto my jaw. With our faces inches apart and her hand squeezing onto my jaw she stared into my soul. “Thank you for everything” she whispered. 

I nodded my head. My eyes unintentionally moved between her eyes to lips. Her soft plump lips. I quickly reminded myself to stay focused. She removed her hand from my jaw and leaned back onto her bed. 

“Do you need anything before I leave?” I asked. “No i’ll be good” she said, her eyes closing. “You sure?” I asked. She nodded her head with her eyes closed still. I stared at her for a moment. She was beyond fucked up and it didn’t take a genius to recognize that. 

“I’ll text you in the morning” I said. But she was already unconscious, light snores falling from her mouth. I smiled and shook my head. Instead of leaving right away I walked into her kitchen. I grabbed a water bottle from her fridge and an ibuprofen bottle that sat on the living room coffee table. 

I walked back into her room and placed them on her nightstand. She fell asleep with her heels on so I decided to carefully and cautiously take them off of her. I grabbed a throw blanket that was on the other side of the bed and placed it on top of her. 

“Goodnight y/n” I said before turning the light off. 

taglist:

@courta13

[magicaldice]

synopsis: A.A.O is a story of pushing boundaries, conflicting emotions, questioning morality and a connection between two people who debate risking everything for a love that is more than real.

part 3.

previous chapter. next chapter. series masterlist

I woke up with a headache and in a state of confusion. I looked over at my nightstand noticing the water bottle and ibuprofen. And then flashbacks of the night before hit me all at once. Peyton and Kylie. The drugs. The man who seemed charming but who was actually rotten to his core. And then Matt. 

Remembering what all happened last night was a blur, I spent some time trying to put the bits and pieces of what I remembered together. Some parts making sense, other parts not so much. 

I remember seeing Matt. In my mind he looked mad, or maybe concerned. But I couldn’t tell if I was making things up or not. I thought I remembered him being in my apartment last night. But that wouldn’t make sense. 

I would never let Matt into my apartment. Not only because I just met him. But because he lives by pine road. He’s rich, probably used to spiral staircases and maids. Probably used to not worrying about the prices at a grocery store. While I on the other hand save up my tips from the cafe just in case of emergencies. 

I would have to ask Matt what happened. If he was really in my apartment or if the drugs from last night fucked me up to the point of dreaming of him. 

I immediately grabbed onto my phone, 12 missed calls from Kylie. I rubbed my eyes as I took ibuprofen and drank some water. I was so glad that I had today off because I felt unbelievably hungover. 

I ended up calling Kylie, who just so happened to answer on the first ring. “What the fuck” she said into the phone. “Hey, sorry I think I got too carried away last night” I said. “Girl, I was so worried. Did you make it home safe?” she asked. “Yeah” I said looking around my bedroom.

I didn’t mention Matt. Instead I changed the topic. We debriefed the parts of last night where we were together. She was already planning another time for us to go out which I politely had to remind her clubbing was a thing I did on rare occasions. 

We talked a little longer before saying our goodbyes and hanging up the phone. Since I had today off I decided to let today be a chill day. But instead of resting I had plans to deep clean my apartment and keep myself busy.

First I cooked some breakfast, and drank some water to fuel my body. After eating I cleaned up my kitchen, wiped down the counters, organized the utensils and swept. Next was my living room. And after making my living room all tidy and organized I moved to my bedroom. 

After spending time doing laundry, taking trash out and making everything look decent again I finally got into the shower. The hot water poured down on my body, the sensations of the water hitting my skin grounding me.

As I washed my hair, I tried not to think about the events of last night. I didn’t know what was worse. Not knowing/not remembering everything. Or possibly asking Matt for the missing pieces of my memories and then him revealing just how much I made a fool of myself. 

Soap ran down my body as I got lost in my thoughts. How odd is it for someone to find you at your job and demand to get to know each other? You would have to be slightly insane to do something like that especially after the fact the first time we met I had spilled coffee on him. 

He said that I intrigued him. What part of spilling coffee on someone is intriguing? I guess I was just trying to understand what his motives are. I honestly never have had something like this before. 

I stared at my shampoo bottles as I continued to think about all of it. If his intentions were to be fuck buddies or have sexual relations I knew that I wouldn’t hesitate to stay away from him. Due to my incapability to have casual sex.  

Nothing about the way I am is casual. In fact casual sex is foreign to me, I refused to partake in such activities. Not because I didn’t want to. But because the moment I have sex with someone, is the moment everything changes. 

I don’t date casually, I don’t have sex casually, I don’t love casually. I’m a passionate person with emotions that consume me, that swallow me whole at some points. To ever have sex with someone and have it not lead to attachment sounds fun in theory. Unfortunately it’s not possible for me. 

The last time I had sex was a year ago. I had attempted to have “casual” sex with someone. Which led to a complete disaster. I took an oath to not do anything like that again as a way to protect myself. 

Yes, the opportunities to do something like that again have been there. The opportunities and offers to be taken on dates weren’t enough for me to actually indulge. I was weird about intimacy. 

People like my friend Kylie didn’t understand why I would decline every chance to have some fun. She would always say things like “you're robbing yourself from having more experience”. But she didn’t get it. Nobody really did. 

The hot water started to run cold, bringing me back to reality. I hopped out of the shower and wrapped myself in a towel. I sat in my room and listened to music as I tried to figure out what else to do with my time. 

Just as I started to scroll through social media an incoming call from Matt popped up. I stared at his name for a minute before deciding to accept the call. 

“Please tell me I didn’t make myself out to be as big of a fool of myself as I remember last night” I said into the phone. I heard a laugh escape his lips and I immediately knew whatever he was going to say wasn’t what I wanted to hear.

“Can you hangout?” he asked. My eyebrows furrowed, that was not the words I expected. “Hangout?” I said. “Yeah, I'll tell you about last night in person” he said. I took a couple seconds to register his words. 

“I don’t know, what would we even do?” I asked. “Anything you want” he responded. I looked outside my window as I pondered. “Maybe some other time” I finally said. “Y/n don’t make me beg” he said. I let out a light giggle. As I stared out the window I thought for a moment longer, “fine” I said with a bashful smile on my face. 

“Is there anything in particular you’d like to do?” he asked. “It’s nice outside, let's go for a walk maybe?” I said. “I have an idea” he said. “What's your idea?” I asked. “Send me a list of things you like to eat, snacks and drinks” he said. 

“Why?” I asked. “We’ll go on a picnic” he responded. I looked outside my bedroom window again. The weather was nice, the sun was shining, soon to be sunset. “Okay” I said. “I’ll pick you up in a bit” he said before we hung up the phone.

After sending him random snacks and drinks that I like I got dressed. I stared at myself in the mirror as I finished putting on my lip liner. Is doing all this worth it? Going on a picnic with some random man I just met a couple days ago?

I fixed my hair in the mirror as I continued to think about the possibilities of where this would lead. I didn’t have many friends, my circle was as small as a cheerio. So maybe this would be the start of something really good. A part of me yearned for connection.

And so as I finished getting ready I tried to put all the overthinking to the back of my head. Friends didn’t appear out of thin air, you had to actually put in effort, take risks even. I put on a presentable looking outfit and waited for him to text that he was here.

A little while later I was walking out of my apartment and towards his car. 

“You look really beautiful” he said. “Thank you” I said, a shy smile forming on my lips. 

The drive to the location was really nice. The sun shining through the trees, the car windows down to let the breeze of the wind hit our faces. The soft music that played in the background, the small talk. All of it was super nice. 

And that was until I noticed we were headed in the direction of pine road. “Where are we going?” I asked. “There’s a really nice spot around here” he said. “By pine road?” I said. “Yeah, it’ll be really nice” he said. A pit in my stomach formed.

I avoided going to the side of town where pine road was. Maybe because I was bitter. Maybe because anytime I drove by pine road I would stare at all the mansions and seeth with envy. Or maybe because I felt extremely out of place around that neighborhood. 

But I put my feelings to the side. 

We pulled into a woodsy area, tall trees surrounding us everywhere. When the car was parked Matt looked over at me and smiled. “Why do you look so nervous?” he asked. I shrugged my shoulders and smiled. 

We got out of the car and I took the view in. Matt focused on getting the picnic basket and blanket out from the back of the car. “It’s so pretty out here” I said, more to myself than to him.

“Come on, it’s this way” he said as he started walking down a dirt path. I followed next to him. 

A couple minutes into our walk a beautiful garden came into view. A garden that was filled with all kinds of flowers, beautiful trimmed hedges and bushes, a stone fountain, and birdbaths. “Oh my god” I said, in complete shock. 

In the further distance was a big pond where ducks were swimming. He set down the picnic basket and laid out the blanket on the freshly cut grass. We sat down and he started to empty out the goodies from the basket.

All sorts of fruits and snacks laid in front of us, grapes, strawberries, different types of cheeses and crackers, lemonade and a variety of other things. “It’s so beautiful out here” I said. He handed me a cracker with cheese on it. “I agree” he said.

“Is this where you take every girl you meet?” I joked. “Wow, you caught me” he said, surrendering with his hands. We both laughed while I poured lemonade into a styrofoam cup. 

We sat and enjoyed the snacks, some slight banter happening between our bites of food. He joked about a snake slithering in the grass next to me which led to me slightly panicking. I threw a grape at him expecting it to hit his face but he caught it with his mouth instead. 

After a while of our conversations being all over the place we eventually sat there and enjoyed watching the sunset in comfortable silence. The sky colors mixing of orange hues, it was a sight I'd never forget. 

“So unfortunately I have to ask about last night” I said. He finished chewing the grape he popped into his mouth. “It was terrible” he joked. “Don’t play with me right now Matt” I said. He let out an exhale and shrugged his shoulders.

“I didn’t expect to see you there. I was just there for my friend's birthday” he said. I listened as he continued to explain. “You were dancing with some random. I could smell the malicious intent on him from a mile away” he said. I picked at my nails, listening to him closely.

“I tried to mind my business. But when I saw you stumbling everywhere I recognized you were 2 seconds away from being blackout” he explained. “I saw the way he grabbed onto your body, I seen the way he looked at you. It was like he was excited to act in such a predatory way that it made me feel physically ill” he said. 

“And so I acted out of instinct when I saw him lead you to the club doors exit. I pulled you away from him. I didn’t care if you would be mad at me or not. I just cared if you were gonna be safe or not” he said. 

I looked away from Matt, somehow feeling ashamed, almost as if it was my fault for the way the man was ready to take advantage of me. Maybe if I hadn’t taken that last shot, or maybe if I didn’t smoke that blunt I wouldn’t have put myself in that position. 

“I’m sorry” I said looking back up at Matt. He looked mind boggled when an apology came out of my mouth. “What? Sorry for what? You have nothing to be sorry about” he said in a more serious tone. 

I didn’t respond, I just looked away from him and avoided eye contact to the best of my ability. “That man was evil spirited y/n. You didn’t do anything wrong” he reassured. I nodded my head. “I’m serious” he said. I nodded my head again.

“Well thank you” I said. “Don’t thank me for the bare minimum y/n” he said. I smiled because I could tell he meant what he was saying. “So after that what happened?” I asked. “Well then I carried you to my car” he said. I laughed and covered my face with my hands. 

“I made sure you got home safe” he said. “So I didn’t imagine the part where you were inside my apartment?” I asked. “No maame” he said with a big smile. A pit in my stomach formed knowing that he was inside my apartment but I masked the feeling. 

We continued to talk more and more, eating some more snacks and enjoying each other's company. The sunset was the most beautiful thing I’d seen in awhile and I soaked every moment of it in. 

“So, how are you and your girlfriend” I said. “She’s not my girlfriend” he said. “Now is not the time to start lying Matt” I laughed. He let out an exasperated sigh. “She is my girlfriend but she’s not at the same time” he said. 

“Sophie and I are on and off. And we’ve been on and off for a year” he said. I raised my eyebrows, suspicion and curiosity creeping in. “On and off for a year?” I asked. “Mhm” he hummed. 

“Why are you guys always on and off?” I asked. “I don’t know, it's just how it’s always kind of been” he said vaguely. “Well, are you and Sophie together right now?” I asked. He smiled, a smile that didn’t seem genuine and nodded his head. “We are” he said. 

I subconsciously took a mental note of that. “Well Sophie seemed like a ray of sunshine at the cafe” I joked. He laughed and shrugged his shoulders. “She’s definitely something” he responded. 

We changed the topic once again. Everything surface level, easy conversation, easy topics. The sun was almost completely gone.

“Did I tell you that you look really beautiful today?” he asked. I smiled, “you did”. 

“Well, can I tell you again?” he asked. I shrugged my shoulders and smiled. “You're really beautiful y/n” he said. “Thank you” I said. He stared at me as we sat across from each other. 

“Careful, might start to think you have a crush on me” I said. A smirk came across his face, “and if I did?” he asked. My face faltered for only a second, his words sinking into my skin. “Well i’d hope not considering Sophie is probably waiting for you somewhere” I said. 

He looked away from me, his smile fading just a tiny bit. He reached for his styrofoam cup that was filled with lemonade and took a big sip. His eyes went to my lips for a couple seconds before returning to my eyes. 

The sunset was officially over and it was now practically all dark out. “We should probably get going. Gotta get up early for work tomorrow and stuff” I said. I helped him pack up all the left over food.

The car ride back to my place was a peaceful quiet. I let my head lean against the window and let myself relax. When we arrived to my apartment complex he parked his car. 

“Thank you for today” I said. “Anytime” he said. “I had fun, really, thank you. I’m probably gonna go get ready for bed now” I said. “Okay, you better text me” he said. “I will, goodbye Matt” I said before shutting the car door. 

After awhile I was finally ready to go sleep. I tried not to think of the way he looked at me. The way his energy was so comforting and the way he repeated his compliments or the fact that this felt like the start of something good.

I truthfully had nothing to worry about. I would have never agreed to hangout with him if I knew he wanted something more. Which wasn’t the case especially considering he has a girlfriend. 

My eyes closed and I was drifting off to sleep. The last thing I consciously thought about was wondering when the next time I could see Matt again would be. 

And little did I know, he was doing the same even while trying to sleep next to Sophie. 

taglist:

@courta13

[magicaldice]

synopsis: A.A.O is a story of pushing boundaries, conflicting emotions, questioning morality and a connection between two people who debate risking everything for a love that is more than real.

part 2.

previous chapter. next chapter. series masterlist.

Today was one of the busiest days we’ve had in awhile at the cafe. I had the biggest headache, I was practically drenching in sweat from constantly moving around and not to mention we were short staffed today. 

I had an hour left of my shift and I was beyond ready to go home. All I wanted to do was take a nice, long, hot shower and go to sleep. During the moments where we had a small break I would check my phone in hopes that it was closer to 7 pm than it was the last time I checked.

“When is the last time you went out?” Kylie asked. “I don’t know it’s been a minute” I responded truthfully. “Exactly, it’s been too long girl. Come to the club tonight with me and Peyton” she said. I gave her a knowing look, one that gave her an answer without saying any actual words.

“Oh come on y/n. You need to live a little” she said. “Maybe some other time” I responded. Kylie rolled her eyes before taking some dishes to the back. The bells on the cafe door chimed, more customers walked inside. 

An hour passed, customers started dying out and Kylie and I focused on getting things cleaned and prepared for tomorrow. I could use an ibuprofen and sleep right about now. 

Right as I thought I served the last customer for the night another one walked in. This time it was a tall man carrying a bag who looked to be in his 40’s. I took a deep breath and tried to keep my composure, irritation creeping in at the fact that he decided to come in 5 minutes until closing time. 

“Yeah I would like a cappuccino" he said. I rang in his order and collected his money before watching him go sit in the lobby. “Please don’t tell me he’s going to try and stay here” Kylie whispered over at me.

I peered out into the lobby and watched the man grab his laptop from his bag. It looked like he had no intention of leaving anytime soon which only fueled the irritation under my skin even more. 

I finished making the cappuccino and decided to take matters into my own hands. “Here’s that cappuccino for you” I said, holding out the warm coffee to him. He grabbed the coffee out of his hand and barely acknowledged my existence. No manners. No friendly energy. Nothing.

“Sir I would just like to let you know we’re actually closing in 5 minutes” I said politely. He looked up at me like I said something deeply offensive. “You're joking, right?” he said. I tried to keep my energy neutral and be respectful.

“No sir, i’m sorry but we close at 7 pm” I said. He scoffed, “what kind of cafe closes at 7 pm?” he asked. “I don’t make the rules sir, I just work here” I said, my patience thinning by the second. 

“I come all the way here to get some peace and quiet. To do some work and now you're telling me I have to leave? I just got here less than 5 minutes ago” he said as if I personally attacked him. “I’m not exactly sure what you were expecting when showing up to a cafe 5 minutes before close” I argued. 

Another scoff came from the man. “This is fucking ridiculous” he said clearly upset. “Do you know who I am?” he asked. I looked him up and down, it wasn’t hard to tell he lives by pine road. But I had no time or energy to deal with a grown man having a fit.

“I personally don’t care to know who you are, but what I do know is that you now have 3 minutes and 25 seconds left before close” I responded in a fake cheerful voice. His jaw dropped slightly before he angrily closed his laptop and shoved it into his bag.

“I will have a talk with the owner soon about specifically your service” he said as he stood up. “Have fun with that sir” I said smiling. “Fuck you” he spat out. “You wish you could, huh?” I said with an even bigger smile. The man shot daggers at me with his eyes before stomping out of the cafe. 

“What the fuck was his problem?” Kylie asked. I let out a sigh “I don’t know and I honestly don't care” I said. Kylie and I finished closing down the store and grabbed our personal belongings before heading out.

At this point I started to reconsider Kylie’s offer to go out to the club tonight. Maybe I was due to have some fun. Let loose and be carefree for awhile.

“Hey actually what club were you thinking of going to?” I asked Kylie as we grabbed our purses. “Oh my god, you wanna go?” she asked, a massive shift in her energy. I smiled seeing her filled with so much excitement. 

“I’ll pick you up at like 10, okay?” she said. “Okay, text me” I said, holding the door open for her. “See you later” she said before walking towards her car. Just as I was about to put the key in the door to lock it I remembered my phone was still sitting on the counter inside. 

“Fuck” I mumbled before walking back inside the cafe. I grabbed my phone, checking it for a moment before walking back outside to lock the cafe door. Just as I shoved the key in to lock the door a man’s voice startled me. 

“Y/n” I heard from behind me. I damn near jumped out of my skin, completely caught off guard. I turned around, “Matt?” I said, deeply confused. He smiled a big smile, “you’re just the person I was looking for” he said. “What are you doing here? The cafe just closed” I said. 

“I know this might come off weird but I was coming to the cafe to see if you would be here because I can't stop thinking about the interaction we had” he said. “Oh- okay? If you changed your mind about wanting a refund you’ll have to come back in the morning” I said. He chuckled.

“No, no I don’t want a refund” he said. Confusion entered my state of being. “Then what is it?” I asked. “You intrigue me” he stated with a smile. “I intrigue you?” I asked, repeating his words back to him. “Yes, exactly” he said. 

“Okay? So what does that mean?” I asked. “It means we should get to know each other" he responded. I checked my phone to look at the time, “listen there’s really nothing to know about me and I have stuff to do, I have to get going” I said before pushing past him and walking towards the direction of my car.

“Wait, just wait” he said as he walked by my side. “I’m not saying we have to be the bestest of friends or anything, I'm just saying we should get to know each other”. I didn’t respond, instead I kept walking. 

“Slow down” he said as I fastened the pace of my walking. “What's the wrong in trying? Right? We could get along so good if you just gave it a shot” he said. Once we reached my car I finally turned around to look at him.

“I think you're crazy” I said. “Maybe just a little” he joked. I unlocked my car and looked down at my phone. “Come on, what’s the worst that could happen?” he asked. I looked away from him, trying to think of any excuse.

“Don’t you have a girlfriend?” I asked. A smirk came across his face as he shrugged his shoulders. “Just give this a chance” he said. I looked away from him again. “Y/n” he said. I looked back at him, “fine”, I gave in. I held out my phone and let him put his contact information in. 

“I have to go though, i’ll text you” I said before opening my car door. He smiled, “I’ll talk to you soon pretty girl”. I watched as he jogged back towards his car. I looked down at my phone, his contact information staring back at me. I shook my head and let out a big exhale. 

-

A couple hours later,  a couple alcohol shots deep and tons of careless dancing gone by, I found myself in the club bathroom smoking a blunt with Kylie and Peyton. I was surrounded by pretty girls with loud music blasting. I felt careless in the moment. No stress. No worries. Just on a mission to have a good time. 

“You look so good right now, like actually” Kylie said. “Girl stop dont make me blush” I said, handing her the almost gone blunt back. “No like she’s not even exaggerating your actually ethereal” Peyton chimed in. 

“I don’t understand why your always rejecting the men who come after you” Kylie said. I let out a giggle and shook my head. 

We passed around the blunt, took a couple photos in the club bathroom and then headed back to the bar to grab another shot. Kylie and Peyton took turns hitting on the bartender as I fixed my lip liner in my phone camera. 

I was suddenly startled from feeling somebody's hand tap my shoulder. “Hey” a man’s voice said from behind me. I turned around, “hey” I said. A man with blonde hair and green eyes stared back at me. 

“You from around here?” he asked. I smiled, “yeah, lived here my whole life” I responded. Beneath his smile lingered mischief. Kylie turned to hand me a shot and then continued to flirt with the bartender. 

The man watched me take the shot, his smile deepened. “Whats your name?” I asked. “Alex” he said. “Well Alex, it’s nice to meet you” I said. 

 “What do I got to do to get you to dance with me?” the man asked. I shrugged my shoulders and let out a light giggle. “Come on” he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me to the dance floor.

“Hey don’t go too far” Kylie yelled over the music. 20 minutes of dancing with the sexy stranger and I was starting to feel the drugs a little too much. I was getting a little light headed and also slight tunnel vision.

The man put his hands on my hips and my body swayed to the music. His hands started to go lower, creeping down to my ass. “We should take another shot” he said into my ear. I was lost in euphoria, unaware of my surroundings, unaware overall.

I felt his hands grip hard onto my ass, “yeah let’s take another shot” I agreed. The man grabbed onto my hand and led me through the crowd. Everything almost seemed to be in slow motion, Kylie and Peyton were nowhere to be seen and I was much closer to blacking out than I realized.

I had to hold onto the man for balance, and I wanted to tell him maybe another shot wasn’t a good idea but nothing other than laughs came out of my mouth. “You wanna head back to my place?” the man asked. All I could do was nod.

Just as we started to walk towards the clubs exit doors I felt somebody grip onto my arm. I turned around quickly, faster than I meant to. Or maybe my body was moving faster than my brain. Either way I was met with a familiar face. One that I saw only a couple hours ago.

“Matt?” I said with a bigger smile than intended. “You're not going with him” he said sternly. Alex realized I had stopped following him towards the exit. He walked back to where Matt and I were. “Is he bothering you?” Alex asked. 

Matt scoffed, his grip on my arm tightening just a little bit. “She’s not going with you dude” Matt said to Alex. Alex’s face faltered for a moment before he chuckled. “Y/n you want to go with me, don’t you?” he coaxed. 

I looked between the two of them and smiled, not able to keep up with their words as the drugs in my body made it hard to comprehend literally anything. “Where’s your girlfriend at Matt?” I said, my eyes completely glossed over as I struggled to keep my balance. 

“Y/n listen to me, you're not going with him” Matt said, seemingly in a very serious manner. I laughed at his words. “Have you been stalking me Matt?” I laughed, as I only had tunnel vision on Matt’s face. 

“Come on y/n, remember, we're going back to my place” Alex said as he stepped closer to me. “Your not fucking taking her anywhere” Matt said to Alex. “Dude, leave us alone” Alex said. “What’s going on?” I said out loud, more to myself than to anyone else. 

“She’s not even on this earth right now you sick fuck. Back the fuck up” Matt said to Alex. “What are you talking about bro? I’m just taking her back to my place to show her some things. Nothing serious” he said. 

“Right, while she’s one second away from being unconscious. Get the fuck out of here I’m not gonna say it again” Matt said. Alex scoffed like he was deeply offended. “Whatever dude” Alex said before walking towards the club exit. 

Matt loosened his grip on my arm but didn’t let go. “Mattt” I whined. “Y/n we need to get you home” he said. “No, the night is still so young” I complained. “Staying here isn’t an option” he responded. 

“Come on” he said, leading me outside. “Did you come here with friends?” he asked as we made it outside the club doors. “Yeah, I think” I said. He ran his hand through his hair and let out a deep exhale. 

“I’ll take you home, okay?” he said. As I tried to walk next to him my balance kept slipping leading me to stumble. “I’m just gonna carry you” Matt said. And before I could protest he was already picking me up bridal style. 

I leaned into his chest, the smell of his cologne filling my nostrils. “You smell so good” I said. He didn’t respond, focused on getting me to his car. Once we made it to his car he carefully placed me in the passenger seat and buckled the seatbelt. 

“Mattt” I whined once he was finally in the driver seat. “You okay?” he asked. “I’m okay Matt, i’m just really fucked up right now” I responded. Everything seemingly in slow motion, my body light as a feather. “I know pretty girl. I know” he said before starting the car engine. 

“I need your address” he said. Once my address was in the gps he started the drive. “I’m so tired” I said, leaning my head against the window. And within the next few minutes I was already asleep.

Matt’s POV:

Once we were outside of her apartment complex I parked my car. I would have let her sleep if I knew which apartment was hers. But since I didn’t I had to try and wake her up. “Y/n” I said. She didn’t budge.

When I went to the club tonight I didn’t expect to see her there. I really didn’t. I was only there to celebrate my friend's birthday. 

But then I saw y/n there. I tried to keep my eyes to myself. I tried to focus on my friends. But when she was stumbling on the club dance floor with that sick prick I couldn’t help but keep an eye on her.

I could see the man’s intentions from a mile away. Y/n and I weren’t close or anything yet, but that didn’t deter me from knowing the difference between right and wrong.

I got out of the car and walked to the passenger side and opened the door. I unbuckled her seatbelt and nudged her shoulder gently. She moved a little before going completely still again. I gently shook her body. 

“Huhhh” she whined. “We’re here” I said. She closed her eyes again and I let out a deep exhale. I knew that carrying her was the only option at this point. I grabbed her body and held her bridal style once again. Only then did she stir awake.

“Y/n my pretty girl, which apartment is yours?” I asked. “Apartment 4” she said as she latched her arms around my neck. I walked and walked searching for apartment 4. “Matt, did I tell you that you smell so good” she said. I smiled and tried my hardest to keep focused.

Once we reached apartment 4 I reached for the doorknob and turned it. It was unlocked, which is something I would have to have a talk to her about when she was sober. It was a little hard to find the light switch but once I did I made my way to her bedroom. 

When we got to her bedroom I placed her on the bed. Or tried to. She wouldn’t let her arms detach from around my neck. “You gotta let go” I said. “Don’t leave” she whined. “Stay here” she said before leaning back, her face directly in front of mine now.

I looked into her red glossy eyes. When I hesitated to respond to her, her eyes slowly dimmed. “Your girlfriend” she whispered like she had came to some big realization. I looked away from her.

She removed her hands from around my neck just to grab onto my jaw. With our faces inches apart and her hand squeezing onto my jaw she stared into my soul. “Thank you for everything” she whispered. 

I nodded my head. My eyes unintentionally moved between her eyes to lips. Her soft plump lips. I quickly reminded myself to stay focused. She removed her hand from my jaw and leaned back onto her bed. 

“Do you need anything before I leave?” I asked. “No i’ll be good” she said, her eyes closing. “You sure?” I asked. She nodded her head with her eyes closed still. I stared at her for a moment. She was beyond fucked up and it didn’t take a genius to recognize that. 

“I’ll text you in the morning” I said. But she was already unconscious, light snores falling from her mouth. I smiled and shook my head. Instead of leaving right away I walked into her kitchen. I grabbed a water bottle from her fridge and an ibuprofen bottle that sat on the living room coffee table. 

I walked back into her room and placed them on her nightstand. She fell asleep with her heels on so I decided to carefully and cautiously take them off of her. I grabbed a throw blanket that was on the other side of the bed and placed it on top of her. 

“Goodnight y/n” I said before turning the light off. 

taglist:

@courta13

[magicaldice]

synopsis: A.A.O is a story of pushing boundaries, conflicting emotions, questioning morality and a connection between two people who debate risking everything for a love that is more than real.

part 1.

next chapter. series masterlist.

I would be lying if I said this is where I thought I would be at 20 years old. I used to think I would have at least traveled to other countries and have more experience by now. I blame my younger self for being so naive.

I don't necessarily hate my life right now. Even though I constantly feel behind, the life I live is a life I'm grateful for. I don’t have many friends, both my parents are dead and the most entertainment I get comes from work gossip.

I used to have big dreams of living a life that I now know isn’t realistic. No, that’s not me being pessimistic, that's me being logical. I work at a local cafe downtown. It’s not the worst thing ever, keeps my rent paid and provides a routine.

Dealing with some customers who treat you like your a peasant can be annoying but I suck it up. Because this is all I got going for me. And even though it sounds boring, because it is, I find beauty in the mundane.

Today was another one of those days. All I wanted to do was press snooze on my alarm and go back to sleep. And once I eventually got up and got ready for work the time passed pretty quickly.

“Do you want to go to the bar tonight with me and Peyton?" my coworker Kiley asked. “Um, I don't know, I'll think about it” I said. “So basically you're saying no” she sighed. “What? I didn’t say no! I said I’ll think about it”. Kiley rolled her eyes “that's basically the same thing”.

It was 7 hours into my 8 hour shift when I heard the bells on the door ring. My head shot up to look at whoever was coming inside. In walked a pair of people who looked too fancy to be in a place like this one.

They were both dressed in a way that screamed luxury. I noticed the fancy watch on the man’s wrist. I took a look at the blonde next to him, Chanel jewelry covered her. Something about the way they walked in, the way they held hands, it was like they moved as a unit.

I watched the man and woman as they walked towards the front counter. “What can I get for you guys?” Kiley asked the couple. The man wrapped his arm around the girl's lower back. She looked up at him with puppy dog eyes “a latte?” she said. He smiled. “Two lattes”.

Kiley rang in their order and I got to work. The couple went and sat down at a table while I tried to remind myself there was only one hour left before I could return to my bed.

“Girl” Kylie whispered over to me. “Yeah?” I said. “Did you see that man?” she asked. “What man?” I said peeking my head out into the lobby. “The one who just came in” she said as she stepped closer to me. My eyes focused on the two lattes in front of me. “Oh, yeah why?” I asked. “He is so fine. Like actually” she said. I chuckled at her comment.

“You should ask him if he’s got a girlfriend” she whispered. “Dude read the room, the girl sitting next to him is clearly his girlfriend” I responded. “Whatever” she mumbled before I grabbed onto the drinks and headed towards his table.

“Here are those two lattes for you guys” I said before trying to place them on the table. But unfortunately right before I finished placing the second drink down it started to slip through my fingers, causing the drink to completely spill all over the man's shirt and table.

“Holy fuck” I blurted in a panic. The girl next to him gasped as he looked down at his shirt. “I’m so sorry” I repeated over and over, of course this is exactly my luck I thought to myself. “You got to be kidding me” the man said as he unbuttoned the top of his shirt and rolled up his sleeves.

Pink tinted my cheeks and sweat started to bead across my skin. “See I told you babe, we should have gone to the place I picked instead” the girl said through gritted teeth. “I’ll be right back” I said before quickly moving to get towels.

I handed the towels to the man before using a different one to help wipe down the table. “Should have known by the look of this place that something like this would happen” the girl said.

“Excuse me” I said, slightly offended. “Calm down Sophie. It’s not that big of a deal” the man said. “No seriously Matt, nobody actually comes here and expects something good to come out of it. Bad environment. Bad service” Sophie said.

“Babe I can just get another shirt” he said wiping the rest of the coffee off the table. “Or you guys could just leave” I suggested. Sophie looked up at me and shot daggers at me with her eyes.

“Excuse me” she said. “You heard me” I responded, completely fed up. “It was an honest mistake. But since you want to cry about it you can take your entitled and snobby behavior somewhere else” I said. Sophie let out a scoff like she was deeply offended.

The man looked up from wiping the table and locked eyes with me. I stared down at him. “Let’s go Matt. We’ll take our business else where” Sophie said. He stared at me with something undecipherable in his eyes.

“Do we have a problem?” I asked him. He tilted his head and a smirk appeared on his face. “No. Not at all” he said. He held eye contact like it was a challenge, his gaze was lethal. But I refused to let my stare falter. “We expect a full refund” Sophie said before walking away towards the front entrance.

Once she was out of his proximity he looked back towards me. “I don’t need a refund” he said. “You sure about that?” I asked. He chuckled like something I said was deeply funny. “I’m sure” he said, his voice calm and collected like he was so sure of himself.

“It was an honest mistake” he said, repeating my words back to me. I nodded my head. “Yeah, it really was” I responded. His eyes refused to leave mine. He stood up from his seat. “Do you spill coffee on everyone or am I just special?” he joked. I stared at him, debating on saying something sarcastic back. “Calm down I was just joking” he said.

A moment of awkward silence passed. “You from around here?” he asked. A sudden energy shift occurred. “Uh yeah, born and raised” I responded. He nodded his head, his eyes still focused on mine.

“Are you?” I asked. “Yeah, I live by pine road” he responded. I tried to keep my face neutral, I really did. Pine road was where some of the most powerful, influential, and wealthy people lived. “Nice” was all I managed to say. He chuckled.

He took a step closer to me, and my face faltered at the sudden closeness. He examined me like he was studying every feature on my face. And what he did next caught me completely off guard.

I watched as his hand reached by my neck, my body completely stilled. “What are you-?” I started before I realized he was fixing my necklace. His fingers brushed my neck as he turned the pendant on the necklace the right way.

His jaw clenched for .2 seconds, like the slightest bit of physical contact impacted him more than he’d like to admit. His hand lingered near my neck for a moment before he retrieved his hand back.

He looked down at me, his eyes holding something heavy behind them. A deafening closeness still between us, “all better” he said voice lower, like he wanted only me to hear. I stared up at him, our eyes locked. An unspoken tension surrounded us.

Another moment of silence passed, just us staring at each other. “What’s your name?” he asked quietly. “Y/n” I responded. His mouth twitched like he wanted to say something but held back. “And your name is Matt” I said, remembering his girlfriend's words. “Mhm” he hummed.

“How come I’ve never seen you around?” he asked. I shrugged my shoulders, “we’re obviously from different sides of the city” I said, the most logical answer. He smiled, “that’s unfortunate” he said. My eyebrows furrowed, unsure of what his words meant.

“Not all of us come from money” I said, glancing at the expensive watch on his wrist. His smile deepened slightly, like he was almost amused. “Money isn’t everything, ya know?” he said. “Someone like you would say that” I quickly shot back.

“I’m not the enemy here” he stated. “Then what are you?” I asked, sarcasm seeping in my tone. “A man talking to a very pretty girl” he said casually. Blush started to creep up on my skin.

The bells on the cafe door chimed, he immediately took a step back from me. I looked over his shoulder and noticed the customer coming in. I looked back at Matt whose eyes haven't left me.

“Well you better get going. Sorry for everything” I said. He nodded his head “apology accepted” he said before he started to walk towards the front entrance. I let out a big exhale.

Of course I had to spill coffee on the most attractive man I'd ever seen in real life. I walked back to behind the counter where Kylie was wiping down the espresso machine. “You look like you just went to war and back” she giggled. “Not funny” I said as I put my hands over my face.

“Calm down. If you spilled coffee on me I'd be flattered” she said. I let out a clearly fake laugh, “I’m sure he loved it”. I picked up a rag and started to clean the area up. After serving a few more customers I started to get ready for closing up the cafe for the night.

When I got home I cooked dinner and got settled into bed. Matt and I’s interaction replayed in my head countless times. I tried to distract myself, tell myself he’d forget about the whole thing by tomorrow. And that I could look back on it and laugh one day.

But I’m sure that had to be one of the most embarrassing moments I've ever had while working at the cafe. And then each time I remembered our conversation after his girlfriend walked out of the cafe I would get such an odd feeling.

When he said he lived by pine road it gave me a clue to what kind of person he was. When I first saw him I thought he looked too fancy to be in a cafe like the one I work in. And I just so happened to be right.

But instead of acting like a cocky man with a superiority complex because of his networth, he treated me like I was human. Which is unusual behavior for the types of people who live by pine road.

His eyes. His demeanor. His hand/fingers brushing my neck when he fixed my necklace. The compliment even after I spilled coffee on him. I thought about it all too much. I wondered if I would ever see him again. But it didn’t matter. I would go back to work tomorrow and carry on with my life.

Or so I thought.

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