Show & Tell
I'd rather be in outer space šø
hello vonnie
Sweet Seals For You, Always

ā

pixel skylines
Cosmic Funnies
i don't do bad sauce passes

#extradirty
RMH
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda

JVL
almost home

blake kathryn
ojovivo
cherry valley forever
noise dept.
$LAYYYTER
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
TVSTRANGERTHINGS

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@magnetictoxin
It shouldnāt be this way.
I had the worst anxiety attack Iāve ever had today. I pulled up to Gavinās school and there were police everywhere including a fire truck and ambulances. Turns out it was a car crash. No clue why the fuck so many police were there... but it triggered me BAD.
I had to go to another parking lot and try to calm down. I was shaking so hard my teeth were chattering, my muscles were spasming like crazy, I thought I was going to throw up, couldnāt get my breathing under control. I got myself together after a little while and went and got Gavin. But then I went home, drank a beer in a bubble bath and cried a whole lot again.
Today I learned that pretty much every Halsey song is a delicious punch to my gut. #ouch #ithurts #ithurtsgoodthough https://www.instagram.com/p/By2r9n6JWKMcluzcqmKwMrLPK_V_dYR-wdwz9A0/?igshid=y2u9bauwour
Iāve been having a whole lot of trouble dealing with the hate in the world but Machine Head and Zen-tangles help. Iām so happy I saw these guys live. They give me some faith in humanity. Bastards and Be Still and Know are my ācalm downā songs when my anxiety is bad. #machinehead @machine_head #zentangles https://www.instagram.com/p/ByWagdOptX1RAatOdwbi25h1jZoWi-6CltVX7Y0/?igshid=yi4eobm61ul2
This afternoon and evening were really nice. š„° https://www.instagram.com/p/BwqWlSTp8Zcj7YlWGCRsEV2IBrR1JUaFdxXviM0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=jknlrmph5p5q
Weird anxiety doodle. https://www.instagram.com/p/BwcZEpoJD6pfhXomTIisSaF_pwjygtaPWm36Q00/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=13dr3edwsfpb9
Bittersweet
I have decided to accept an offer on the home Iāve inherited from my dad. While I know itās the right decision, I feel as if my heart is being absolutely demolished. Itās bringing my PTSD memories and nightmares back hardcore so I will probably be writing a whole lot more here again. This is my safe space.
Sometimes it feels really good to quietly remove toxic people from your life and then continue slaying and succeeding. #ifeelbetternow #itneededtohappen #ilovedthembuttheydidntloveme #cantpleaseeveryone #wishyouwellfromafar #bye https://www.instagram.com/p/BvnCw87J0CnBg72snbLY4c6sLK8xb3aBx_ieeo0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=p5my2d63kaso
No matter how hard I try to do better and better people still drag shut up from the past. They still talk shit. They still use me as a topic for gossip. It is enraging. I donāt believe in monogamy but that doesnāt make me a band person. I donāt gossip. I am kind. I am sincere. I donāt entertain others when they come to me with gossip. Iām just so done with it. I want peace. I moved across the fucking country and it still comes back to me. I just want it to stop. I need it all to stop. Who I do or do not sleep with doesnāt fucking effect these people.
Iām eating a can of cranberry sauce because for some reason thatās the first thing that seems appetizing to me in days. Iāve been pretty sick. I went to the doctor this morning thinking I was getting pneumonia but it turns out I have a sinus infection and severe asthma. Hopefully my new pile of meds will kick in soon but I feel pretty defeated to have another illness to add to the list. Iāve had asthma but it was never really a huge setback for me. I already have chronic pain from TOS, an autoimmune disease, and several mental health issues. Iām just so tired. https://www.instagram.com/p/BvDP7XKjxUdYppC7FpXhrxhRP0NIM8dvi4QkiA0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=yszvbu4kxpvb
So relevant.
"I can guarantee someone in your circle is benefiting from that 'poison you would never come near.'"
https://themighty.com/2019/02/health-privilege-psychiatric-medication/?utm_source=Mighty_MH_Page&utm_medium=Facebook&utm_campaign=Link_Contributor&fbclid=IwAR37ftErkSHvb4ToQJRKzAsmPePrBJUEI6DXEzhne_xmwFlik0YbPyrKsmU
via @extramadness
I needed this.
Iām having a horrible time lately in my head. My depression is the worst itās been in a very long time. While I am not a danger to anyone else or myself, my logic doesnāt stop the suicidal thoughts from invading and itās absolutely maddening and exhausting to fight. But here I am, fighting. All fucking day and night.
I miss my ex lover and getting lost in him when my demons were bad. He had a way of turning the screaming in my head to white noise. I hate myself for missing him. I hate myself for hurting so many people simply because I loved him. I donāt feel like I will ever get over it and times like these magnify these thoughts and feelings. I was so stupid.
But I am working on healthy coping mechanisms. The weather has been cold and terrible and itās giving me sinus issues. The cold also makes my rheumatoid bad. Being in pain and feeling sick definitely isnāt helpful to my mental state and I was low on vitamin D when I lived in Florida so Iām definitely not getting enough here which can contribute to depression. Iāve started taking vitamin D supplements again so hereās to hoping they kick in soon. I basically feel unimportant and mostly invisible to everyone but my son and my dogs.
Itās a real shit feeling.
Iām trying.
I often feel weird about the people who have only known me post trauma. I am truly a different person.
I had a meltdown this morning but then I did my makeup pretty and chopped up my hair and I feel A little better. https://www.instagram.com/p/Bt_gyybjA8RLSwL9SF48aXKKlBSTv6UnoiAV4M0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=pnfa1xbyl7xg