#1 — When a member tells their problem to everyone but the admin
Whether you’ve ever been an admin or not, we’ve all seen this happen- a member of a group gets upset over something, be it something big, something justified, or even just a small thing they blow up to cause drama. Whatever it is, they feel like the proper thing to do is message another person in the roleplay, preferably on anon, or even better yet- discuss it with a talk blog. They’ll post ooc posts, talk about it to other members, send messages to every rph blog in the tags… But there is one thing they won’t do- talk to the admin of the group. As someone who’s seen this happen plenty of times, let me break it down for you and explain why admins always ask you to message them off anon.
You have a problem with something another member has done and decide to send them an anonymous message; Right off the bat, the member who receives the message will probably feel attacked, especially if you don’t justify your actions, don’t actually make it clear what the whole thing is about, or use offensive or passive-aggressive ways of expressions your emotions. Here’s the thing- sometimes people aren’t aware that what they’ve done could upset other members (and please note that I’m not talking about triggering them with their plots, posting obvious offensive posts, etc.) I’ve seen players get all worked up over things as small as the blog’s url including [ jfc ] or something else they found offensive. When you send an anonymous OOC message to another member of the group, especially if they’ve just joined, that will more often than not make them feel unwelcomed and eventually make them leave the group. It’s also important to keep in mind they’re not the admin and can do little to nothing about the problem you’re complaining about, except redirect you to the main blog’s ask.
You have a problem with something and think the first and best way to solve it is to send a message to talk blogs; Don’t do that. Ever. Unless the group you’re in is really problematic, do not drag your problems outside of the group. When I say problematic, I mean bullying within the group, whitewashing, being ignorant to people’s wishes of not wanting to be used as a face claim, ignoring people’s gender identity, etc. I am not talking about you getting upset because they turned down your app for what I assume are justified reasons (Let’s not forget it’s in benefit of every group to have as many players join them as possible, no one would turn down apps just for the sake of it.) or because one person out of maybe thirty people in the group was kinda somewhat a little bit rude to you. You see, when you bring your problems to the rpc community, things tend to blow up, get over-analysed, exaggerated, taken completely out of context. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen groups with dedicated admins and minimum number of problems shut down because of hate they received due to someone making a comment about them to a talk blog, only to have the entire rpc community grab at the chance of creating some drama and make up more accusations as they go. At the end of day, your problem will most likely not get fixed. All you’ll have is a bunch of people harassing the main and the admins dropping the group.
You actually do message the main, but- you do it off anon; Your decision of sending a message to the main is great and greatly appreciated. However, remember to keep that anonymous box unticked. Sure, you let the admins know about the problem you’re having, but more often than not anonymous messages tend to not be detailed enough for the admins to create an actual image of what went wrong and how they can fix it. You can send a message like ‘I don’t feel welcomed.’, but if the admin doesn’t know who you are, if they can’t take a moment to go through your blog, see the things you’ve posted and how other people reacted to it, there’s not really much they can do. You can send in ‘Posts on the dash are triggering me’, but unless you explain which content is triggering for you and why, if you don’t fell what members are making you feel uncomfortable, the admin once again can’t do much about it. They can make a post regarding the issue, of course, but it’s highly unlikely all of the members are faulty of that behavior, which means attacking them for it would more often than not cause tension in the group and bring the feeling of being shady. Another major reason you shouldn’t message your problems on anon is that no admin wants to discuss them publicly. You mustn’t forget the main is how the roleplay presents itself, it’s the image of the entire group and if the first thing people see is members complaining, they’ll probably click that exit button in a heart beat. No good admin will lie about things in the group being all perfect when they’re not, but again- if you’re unfamiliar with the group and its members, every bad message can be taken way out of context. If you write ‘Cliques are forming’ when you have a specific number of people in mind, every lurker who clicks on the blog will instantly think no newbies will ever feel welcomed in the roleplay, even if the clique you were talking about consists of maybe three or four people out of the thirty characters in the roleplay.
What I’m saying is- talk. to. the. admins. That’s what they’re for. They’re there to make your roleplay experience easier for you, help you with what you need, make sure there’s no stress, no drama. Yes, there are bad admins, there are even admins that want to start drama just to get their five minutes of fame, but must of us are far, far from that. It’s in no admin’s interest to have their group dragged around and have gossip about it. Everyone wants to know things are running smoothly, and if they’re not, they want a chance to fix them. That, however, is hard to do when the issue is not brought to their attention. Trust me when I say this- if an admin hears about a problem in their group from a talk blog, or sees a member harassed by someone anonymous, they will most likely get annoyed with their first reaction being a wish to send everything and everyone to hell.
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