Bangladesh is said to be developing with each passing day and with the emergence of new technologies and ideas, we pre-assume that people’s way of thinking is also changing. If I have to compare Bangladesh’s present situation with, let’s say even a decade ago, then yes, I would say Bangladeshi people have started to adopt the changes, but I wouldn’t dare go on in measuring the depth of it. Saying that you are a broad minded person and actually being a one, are completely two different things. No matter how much our parents say that they are broad-minded and want to walk hand in hand with these new generations, but there are yet few things that the older generation still cannot fathom about the new mindset.
Starting with the very basic. There is no doubt that Bangladesh has gained some remarkable gains in its education system over the past decade. The literacy rate of females in Bangladesh has improved enormously over this time. This definitely ensures us that Bangladeshi parents’ mindset regarding girls’ education has changed tremendously and they are providing their daughters with their basic right to education (sometimes even more) as they would have done for their sons. But how many parents are there who tell their daughters, “Complete your education first, get onto your own two feet and then get married’’? No definite statistics for it, but I’m pretty sure the number is pretty low. To put this simply—many parents want their daughters to marry ideally by the time they hit the 20 mark because, in people’s eyes, you are a lost cause by that age. Even in today’s time, daughters are seen as a responsibility, if not a burden, which needs to be sheared off as quickly as possible.
The urgency of looking for a ‘suitable boy’ evolves more as soon as the girl finishes her high school. But that doesn’t mean anyone is stopping you from getting your education. Oh, definitely not, a girl can still pursue her education and even go to NASA, but, everything after she gets married. No seriously, it’s like having a husband is equivalent to having a legal license to do everything you possibly couldn’t have done before you got a husband. Sometimes, the way of thinking of our parents really amazes me. Daughters are not allowed to travel alone before they get married, but it’s okay to do so after they get married. Why? Because then the so-called responsibility of her protection is her husband’s. So if her husband allows her to walk alone in the streets, then it’s absolutely fine!
Sometimes, I can’t even blame our parents for all these. Our culture and the society play a huge role as well; and of course to act as the cherry on the top – our nosy relatives. This is when I hate going to the family functions. The same chants I hear everywhere, “Your daughter is 22 and still unmarried! What have you been doing?” like seriously, why do you even care? As if you are going to pay for my wedding bills? But this is enough to trigger all the sensors inside my mother and the next thing I know is that I get a bundle of biodatas in front of me the next morning and that same repeated question, “Do you have anyone you like? It’s ok, you can tell me.”
Trust me, it’s not okay. Although the number of love marriages has increased over these years in our country, however, the concept of relationships and dating is still kind of very vague for our parents. According to our parents, you can date someone, but there are a few conditions to it. First of all, there is no point of dating someone if you can’t marry them and secondly, the guy or the girl needs to meet the ideal standards of the so-called society we live in. But I would very much like to contradict this part. Sometimes, when two people are dating they might not have any desire to get married but are just in the relationship to have a good time and moreover; even if they do end up getting married it should not be just because he/she is the ideal candidate according to the “society’s” standards.
To all those parents out there, please let your children be mentally and physically prepared enough to handle marriage. Marriage is a beautiful thing and it only works out well if the two people in it accept each other because they want to. Not because whether their parents want it or the so-called extended relatives gave it a green pass. Let your children decide with whom they want to spend their rest of the life with and for that, give them the time they need. As a parent, definitely you can guide them, but don’t pressurize them for the sake of the society! There is no law or book where it says that a girl won’t get married after 20 or she won’t get any good proposals after she crosses a certain age. I believe that if we are meant to be with someone, then sooner or later we will meet them, no matter which age we are at. If only you stop worrying about the society and start worrying about your children more, it will give you better results. So please, love and marriage should be a choice, not a task we have to check off the bucket list. Don't tie your own noose because you have people breathing down your neck.
