Squirrel on Duty

[steamingketchup]

been phm pilled since I read it last summer so here’s a funny that’s been living in my brain since then

full thing below

[june-and-the-stars]

girl help the funny silly army guys from 50 years ago have bewitched me

[chickensnack]

TUESDAY AGAIN NO PROBLEM

[ankle-beez]

HAPPY ONE MILLION NOTES TO TUESDAY AGAIN NO PROBLEM DOG

[memesforplebes]

[lincolnbayou]

[cheshireinthemiddle]

Gokushufudou: The Way of The House Husband

[scaryplanet]

It’s never too early in the year to start spooking! 🕸🎃🌛

[mapsontheweb]

How many of spouses must be present at wedding for marriage to be valid.

[gorps]

@ mutuals we have all just gotten legally married in montana

[itsalwaysunnyontvv]

[catchymemes]

[go-drink-the-kool-aid-deactivat]

This cat could ask me to kill someone and i would do it no questions asked

[burntcopper]

…I’m not seeing anything wrong, per se.

[queenoftheimps]

this was great, but the part that’s killing me is Netflix’s follow-up

[gif87a-com]

[ambris]

This can’t be topped

[nonasuch]

Yesterday I overheard someone talking about how he was taking classes at the University of Maryland because they offer free tuition if you’re over 60. 

My brain IMMEDIATELY began scripting a screwball comedy in which a broke millennial who desperately want to finish his long-abandoned degree but is drowning in student debt pretends to be a senior citizen in order to attend college for free.

I’m picturing someone Channing Tatumesque, applying age makeup every morning before he heads off to class. It’s sort of a cross between 21 Jump Street and Mrs. Doubtfire. He keeps forgetting which hip is supposed to be his bad one. His classmates laugh every time he uses slang. There’s definitely a scene where he attends a college party and busts it up on the dance floor.

He catches the eye of a fellow returning student, a woman in her 50s, but she thinks he’s like 70 and she’s already buried one husband, you know? She’s not interested in doing that again. When his charade unravels (hilariously) at the end of the movie, though, she finds out he’s actually like 30 and has abs you could bounce a quarter off. And he’s still super into her. And really, maybe it’s time she gave May-December romance a chance.

[nonasuch]

Okay so to refine this concept a little:

Our Hero is stuck in a job where he keep seeing people get promoted past him because they have a 4-year degree and he doesn’t. He can’t afford to go back to school until he finishes paying off his student loans for the degree he’s one semester from completing. If he got the promotion he wants he could pay them off a lot quicker. But he can’t get the promotion without the degree.

Along comes a clerical error in his almost-alma mater’s records which lists his birth year as 1948 instead of 1984. He gets a call from them about their “free tuition for seniors” program. “Wow, that sounds amazing!” he says. “I’ll be sure to tell my, uh, grandpa, as soon as he gets home.”

It’s one semester. If he can keep up the charade, he’ll have the degree, get the promotion, pay off the student loans. Hell, if they figure it out after the fact and come after him for the tuition, he’ll be able to afford it by then. He just needs to pass as a 70-year-old until graduation. How hard could it be?

(also, someone in the notes suggested “Senior Year” for a title, which is PERFECT.)

[willowofthehearth]

Holy shitballs.

[cillianmurphy]

this is my favourite picture on the internet now and everyone needs to see it

[le-dreadmau5]

Same energy and I love it

[hogwartsaheadcanon]

as soon as i figure out whether there’s any practical difference between ‘that’ and ‘which’ in a sentence, you’re all finished

[lytefoot]

“That” is if the clause specifies which one, “which” is if you’re giving extra information.

“She took the bag that contains the loot” means that she took one of several bags, in particular, the one that happens to contain the loot.

“She took the bag, which contains the loot” means that there’s only one bag you might be referring to, and that the fact that she took it is important because it contains the loot.

Also, there’s a comma before “which” but not before “that.”

[hogwartsaheadcanon]

you’re all finished

[mlleclaudine]

Illustrator Imagines a World Where Gentle Giant Animals Live Among Humans

What if we lived in a world where giant cats and dogs roamed the earth?

[ourmissallison]

What I wouldn’t give for a docile bear the size of a house

[candiceirae]

The gentleman and the chickadee are perfect.

[adonischildsupportcase]

[hotdogpeasant]

This picture conveys more emotion than anything currently being shown off in the National History Museum

[nintendocafe]

Pokémon Sleep, a new app from that tracks a user’s time sleeping and brings a gameplay experience unlike any other!

Several Snorlax were consulted on this, in case you were wondering.

#PokemonSleep is coming in 2020.

[promptsforthesoul]

Ok… this is actually pretty cool

[galaxianbitch]

Pokémon really out here trying to save my life

[some-random-mexican]

“TO LOOK FORWARD WAKING UP EVERY MORNING” I’M…

[terezi]

@legendairycow

[sporesgalaxy]

I havent seen very much of Detective Pikachu but Im ready to be the most annoying bastard in Ryme city, pulling around my partner pokémon Grimer in a wagon at all times

[sporesgalaxy]

some jerk: wow thats gross and dangerous

me: you fool. you utter buffoon. you think I feed my beloved pet industrial waste? you think I let him drink pesticides and herbicides?? You think I give him access to fucking sewage??? He eats exclusively recyclables and biodegradible trash. If we took political action to limit pesticide usage and force huge companies to stop dumping waste in unsafe areas, the Grimer and Muk population could all be much healthier and safer to be around. In this TED talk, I will

[sporesgalaxy]

YES my partner is a Grimer. YES I carry rubber gloves on my person at all times so I can pet him when he is a good boy. WE EXIST.

[uwukawaiihours]

OP what is his name

[sporesgalaxy]

Scrungus