You Know Where You Are

[make-believeland]

Today after I dropped my boyfriend off at work, I drove a few towns over to pick up some contact lenses. He didn't know I was going, or that I took his money but I planned on telling him when he got home. After I told him we fought for 10 hours. He said I lied to him, that he can't trust me. I don't care enough anymore to apologize. I tore my contact lens a few days ago and I knew he had no intention of getting me new ones anytime soon. I don't work and depend on him, it's not something that works well. It's exhausting having to justify basic needs to someone like him.

[make-believeland]

It's 3 am, I'm in bed and I'm not alone. I haven't been for almost 5 years but somehow I've never felt more alone than I did in these past years. But more than anything I feel alone from myself, I'm not sure if that makes any sense, what I'm trying to say is I lost touch with who I use to be and I feel like I don't even have myself to be alone with. I don't think you're suppose to feel alone when you have someone to share your life with, at least not as much I do. What does that say about my life...