make-me-sknny @make-me-sknny - Tumblr Blog

about me.

its long; you dont have to bother

i really feel like i dont belong..

im a mom of 2. im married. im 420 friendly. and i have been starving myself off-and-on for roughly the last 10 years..

but its more then just starving myself.. its counting the calories, 48+ hr fasts, purposely leaving something upstairs/downstairs so i could get in just a few more steps, making myself puke after eating too much, hours of looking at thinspo, even more hours spent looking in the mirror and just hating everything i seen..

fortunately for me, i did take a break during both my pregnancies, but it has since taken a major toll on the way i look at my body, only making things worse.

i do not push my eating habits on my children, nor do body shame, restrict/limit food, force feed or guilt feed my children and i do NOT plan on that EVER changing

my husband is clueless. or maybe hes not? im not upset by this. im not sick enough. yet

just to be clear my struggles with myself and my body started in my early-teens. my husband and children didnt come into my life until later..

dont ask me why, but i just feel like i NEED to explain that i dont do this to myself for a man or just decided to try it after having kids

ive found comfort in my ED. the kind of comfort i cant leave behind. the kind of comfort that can break a roaring tsunami down to a calm gentle wave. i never want to give it up.

paintedpinkk

𐙚⋆.˚ itll all be worth it soon ࣪ ִֶָ☾.࣪࿐🪽

I’m starting to think I’m smaller then I see myself..

The first time I was gifted clothes and I seen in big black letters “Small” I thought it was mistake and felt so disgusted because there was no way I was going to fit in those sweatpants.. but I tried them on and they fit perfectly, even a bit baggy.

The time after that, it was a shirt. I was terrified every roll from my hips to my shoulders would be beyond visible and that little S was mocking me.. but again.. it fit and it looks amazing on me.. not a roll in sight..

Then today, I was gifted leggings, with again that little S mocking me. I thought, here we go. This is it. They’re gonna be stretched soo thin that every bit of me would be visible.. my heart ached seeing that little S because they are such cute leggings and I wanted to wear them.. but when I put them on and looked on the mirror, it was like seeing a completely different person.

Guess it’s time to start accepting I’m no longer going to be looking in the plus sized sections for clothes 🤍

konig-of-ana

killmeb4ikillmysself

relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse

iwishiwasheather

for someone who only thinks about starving and losing weight i sure do eat a lot

sicklybunny13

To be Th!n you have to fall in love with hunger. The feeling of being empty. Embrace it.

ana-fangirl

No I dont have an ed, yes i bodycheck all the time, yes i restrict, yes i fast, yes i hate the feeling of food in my stomach, yes i feel the fat, yes i check the bmi of my gws even tho i already know it, yes i check the calories of stuff that arent even food, yes i think that if i smell or touch food the cals will seep into my body, yes I used laxatives, yes i made myself throw up, yes i sometimes do 20k-30k steps a day on purpose, yes I am afraid yet impatient of weighing myself next day, yes my body disgust me and i blame hating myself on being fat, yes I think all my problems will be solved when ill lose the weight, yes I isolate to focus on wl, yes I cried bc I had to eat, yet I also ate the whole fucking house in one sitting, yes I fake dirty plate or throw food to make it seem like I ate, yes I am mad when my parents tell me i need to eat cus i didnt eat today, yes I despise the "what did u eat today" question, yes I say no to any snacks my friends offer me, yes I omad, yes I have had these behavior for a couple of years, yes my parents tell me "You're gonna get obese if you don't pay attention to your weight" or makes comments on my body, yes im on edtwt, yes im on edblr BUT I DONT HAVE AN ED because I must fake it cus idk it just doesnt feel like I have one