Stitches' Journal

Um, hello? I'm not really sure how this works... [Askblog/journal for my Space Station 14 character, Makes-the-Stitches!]

[making-the-memories]

Um, hello...?

Someone recommended that I open this "blog" to keep better track of my memories. I might upload some of my entries here, if I have time between shifts, so...

I'm Makes-the-Stitches, ask away!

[OOC] Makes-the-Stitches, iteration 3.0

- 36 (original body) - Reptilian-Mixed (chimera in technicality, grafted limbs from multiple species) - Gay trans man - Neutral Good (probably) - Nanotrasen-aligned, Syndicate in origin

Character gimmick: Each time Makes-the-Stitches dies in a totally unrecoverable way (gibbed/ashed/body never returned to CC), Nanotrasen sends in a brand-new Stitches clone that was made off-screen. This new clone retains all of Stitches' skills, but is devoid of all his memories… including his relationships and friends.

Journal entries will go up when I'm not being lazy :V PLEASE feel free to interact with questions or anything until then!

[making-the-memories]

How are you feeling Stitches? It feels like its been a long time since we talked.

I've been, uh... I've been taking more breaks, lately. I spoke to one of our captains, Sacrifices-Self, and he... He gave me a lot to think about, let's say.

It's always so interesting, being able to talk to other reptilians about, home cultures and stuff. Gives me more to think about. Apparently... Apparently while I'm immune to salmonella, other people around me aren't, hah... I hope the raw chicken I ate doesn't get other people sick.

Wow, maybe I am lonely. Maybe I should get out of medical more. Feels like I'd see you, and everyone else I know, more, hah....

[making-the-memories]

It's been a while since I've been made. Think I'm lasting more at Nanotrasen than the first or second mes ever did. It's showing, too. I'm knowing a lot more people now. Cindy, Gnocchi, Bites, Gigs, Rareel... And I'm starting to recognize most of the faces I see. Even the cyborgs and AI, and they're hardly faces I treat.

How much longer will this last? When will the next disaster rob me of my memories again? Even though my mind would be reset, I wonder... would my soul grow wear of what my mind can't comprehend? Or will the people I call my friends tire of re-introductions first?

Dying is an inevitability in this field. I see patients torn out of my hands by the claws of death every day. Will it be my turn text?

[bitesthebadgesecurityservices]

Things have changed drastically. I felt bad for a while. Since I was a child, I was trained to fight. I've been in more battles than I could count. To have to do something else has left me feeling lost and confused.

But it hasn't been all bad. The bad has been cancelled out by some good. I took a shift as janitor and there was something to be said about the time you get to reflect. The world goes on around you -- and its not your responsibility to stand against the tide. You just ride it.

I took a few shifts as paramedic as well. It gives me the same feeling of satisfaction that comes with saving innocent lives. Its not my job to throw myself between them and danger -- but I can drag them out of danger and get them back on their feet, or at least to someone that can.

I have also had time to communicate with others, one on one. I never had time for that before. Its been interesting. I'm not a social creature -- but they seem to accept me anyway. I just finished a shift where I was part of a "prank" where I minor assaulted a fellow crewmate with lizard plushies alongside our chemist, who himself is quite nice.

This leaves me with new perspectives. I don't feel whole, but it gives me the strength I need to go on. A needed respite in a battle against what Gigs has called my "Inner demons". I like that term. If there's one thing I truly know, its battle. Makes it feel more achievable.

[making-the-memories]

So Gigs spoke with you too, huh...? He's a pretty good ear to talk to...

[making-the-memories]

Stitches gives a BIG THUMBS UP.

[making-the-memories]

So many scars, so much foreign flesh. Molting your shedskin must be agonizing. Forgive me if that question is too personal.

I mean, it's fine... It's why I have this account, after all...

It's kind of annoying, but it's doable. Mostly I just, have to take a couple of days off, and soak in the tub for a few hours at a time. I just have to be really careful, where the edges meet the non-reptilian parts. Sometimes I use tweezers to get the ones stuck between fur and feathers.

Honestly, the harder part are the feathers... All my reptilian parts are kinda, at my extremities, so they're easy enough to shrug off. But I don't know a lick about preening feathers, or have a beak or glands suited to that... And preening oil gets really expensive. I think the first Stitches used to ask Ibaraki, or their neighbors for help. I'm too shy to do that now, though...

[making-the-memories]

How does it feel to be cloned? Do you worry about losing a part of yourself? Like an unseen piece? Not sure of the common word... my people call it ruukkha. It is like a fire within. The invisible flame.

I mean... I don't really think anything about it, because it's not like I'm really aware when it's happening, you know? If it was from my previous body, it's just the same as waking up from a nap. The only time it's special is if I'm made "from scratch", but even those moments are out of my control. And what's the point worrying about something I can't change...?

I'm still the same person. I have the same personality, and the same likes and wants. I make sure of it. That's why I have this blog, you know? To make sure any of that soul, or "ruukkha", that I lose, doesn't stay lost. As long as I keep who I am in mind, I don't think anything really important is beyond reach.

OOC note: UNRELIABLE NARRATOR MOMENT. Stitches is VERY afraid of losing who he is and not living up to himself. He follows his own journal religiously, to the point where "the first Stitches" is more of an abstract ideology, instead of a real man who lived and died at some point.

[bitesthebadgesecurityservices]

Doc said I should journal my feelings. Put them somewhere other than my own head. Not used to that.

I feel like I’ve brought shame on the security department. Losing a limb... feels shameful. Maybe Kruxaruk was right when it said I don’t take proper care of myself. For most of my life, I’ve worn my scars proudly. They were stories. Proof that I had survived something difficult. Proof that I had done my duty.

Lately, they feel different.

Every scar is still a story, but now they feel more like a tally. A record of pieces lost along the way. I look at myself and wonder how much can be replaced before there’s nothing left of the original. I wonder if I am still whole - and if I'm not, will I ever be whole again?

I’ve never lost a limb before.

I always assumed it would change me. That it would make me more cautious. More aware of my own mortality. I imagined there would be a before and an after.

Instead, I woke up, learned what happened, and started thinking about when I could get back to work.

That troubles me, because- no, not sure.

Likely... not the injury itself. The fact that it doesn’t seem to trouble me as much as I thought it should.

Back home, losing a limb was the end of a warrior's life. A crippled warrior was pitied at best and discarded at worst. Here, half the station has been burned, crushed, spaced, electrocuted, or shot at some point. They get patched up and keep moving. Some of them are more machine than flesh. Some of them are all machine.

Nobody seems particularly bothered by it.

Maybe that’s normal.

Maybe I’m the strange one for thinking about it this much.

I don’t know.

I keep finding myself staring at the empty sleeve at night. Not because I miss the arm. Because I feel like I should miss it more.

That feels like the sort of thought I should probably discuss with Doc.

It also feels like the sort of thought I won't. Might have been to much to share here. Shouldn't unsay, cowards backtrack. ((OOC: Art by me, ft: https://making-the-memories.tumblr.com/ in the background. Probably not the normal art I'll do for this blog, this took way to long to do more than once in a blue moon.))

[making-the-memories]

Um... I don't know if you meant to make this public, or if you wanted strangers to comment on it, but if it helps you better any... I'm a doctor, and even I don't really know what to make of all this...

I started my own blog so I could, uh, keep a log of who I am, between, uh... versions of myself, I guess? And apparently someone told a past me that, if you keep thinking too hard about this stuff, you start losing who you are. I mean, even without the pods, organic beings lose and replace their skin and blood cells every day... Is this really any different?

[bitesthebadgesecurityservices]

So, um... I actually had a question. Why is your name Bites-the-Badge? Did you, um... Name yourself that? -- @makes-the-memories [OOC: pleaaase pretend i sent that from stitches actual blog, side blog cant send asks yet SHAKING MY FIST -- dex]

I used to go by a different name, but when I left my homeworld I found it to be difficult for others to pronounce -- and I didn't much think it defined who I wanted to be after I absconded. When I enlisted to join the corps, Bites-The-Badge was a name that was given to me for one reason or another, and it seemed to more match the names of the other reptiles around me. It was nice to have a more normal name and not stick out as much.

[devildogplent]

Um... I'm so sorry for asking, but why are you a devil dog...? Or do you like devil dogs...? - @making-the-memories

[OOC: please pretend i sent this from stitches' actual blog, tumblr doesn't allow asks from sideblogs yet :pensive: -- dex ]

It’s alright, the term comes from the UNMC (formerly USMC) from their USMC days. They were referred to as “devil dogs” during the Old Earth war referred to as “World War 1”. The term stuck and became a nickname for the Marines.

[making-the-memories]

Oh... Well then, how did you end up here...? Station routine is a bit of a far cry from the corps, isn't it...? You liked them enough to keep the moniker...

[engijanitor]

fuck you. unmedicates your suture

[making-the-memories]

Oh... Please don't do this, we need those... In case of things... 8[

[kiiwipops]

haiii yet another space station 14 oc. this time it is My Stitches