nova

mundane poetry

[malachite222]

im bout to give her everything she ever wanted and more

what i deliver is something that can't be bought at the store

im tryna bring you with me baby, while I'm finding myself

that feeling when you kiss me tells me I don't need no one else

i had to lose my mind a couple times to find out it's you

i had to run around the world just to be here, it's true

these other women don't got nothing on the way that she moves

let's pick up right where we left off last night inside of my room

when the time come, ill be right here

sippin liquor with a grin on my face for you

i got nothing left to keep me awake

i don't got no better thing to do but sit here and wait for you

for you

-meeting by chance

[malachite222]

i feel in love with the idea of your potential and you failed me.

[malachite222]

i just want to hold him.

i just want to tell him it’s okay.

i want his warm skin pressed to mine, while staring into his ocean eyes.

but our love his dead while we are still alive and breathing and that’s the most painful thing i have to be feeling.

[malachite222]

the worst fucking part was how hard i begged to be something else.

because to you,

i was just a warm body

and nothing more.

my purpose was to wrap my legs around you

to keep silent except for when you made me moan your name

to stay still and never fight back

to never say no

to be a porcelain doll made out glass except i was never aloud to break

no matter how hard i was hit.

and that was all i’d ever be good for to you.

[malachite222]

i wish i could believe there will come a day where when someone mentions his name, my whole body doesn’t flinch and my face doesn’t burn and my heart doesn’t beat extra fast and my stomach doesn’t drop to the floor

[malachite222]

i am not scared of the monsters hiding beneath my bed and in my closest.

i am scared of the pale boy with messy hair and blue eyes, and lips that only tell lies.

i couldn’t help but force blood to run wherever your finger tips grazed my skin. you made me feel haunted. i had to let it escape.

he was supposed to fix me but instead left me shattered more then ever before.

but now when the sun hits me i sparkle in a whole new way.

[malachite222]

when you clip one of a bird’s wings they are stuck in their cage forever, ensured to their owner that they will never fly away.

you however took my rips and ripped them straight from the bone, leaving me bloodied and broken on the ground, paralyzed completely.

[malachite222]

my first love:

held me down and forced into me with all he could

must this be love

after my first love:

i’m broken

must this be love

[malachite222]

there was never enough alcohol to keep my body warm when i was sleeping next to such a cold body like yours.

[malachite222]

to the memories that we lock away and throw the key straight down the black hole of our mind,

how is it that those are what shape us to be the fragile body’s of glass that we are

[malachite222]

he reached inside my mouth and places a square of chocolate on my tongue.

i suck hard and instead of my mouth filling with sweet chocolate melting into my gums,

i taste dirt.

and that is what abuse is:

knowing you will only get the dirt of it when you were waiting for something tasteful

for years on end

[malachite222]

you break and i pick up all the shards, bloodying my hands in the process. i hand you back all your pieces and you stand there and smile and hand a piece back to me.

this is the piece of me that i gave you, and now it’s all broken and bruised.

how dare you give this back after i put you back together

[malachite222]

every time i think i’m numb you remind me how much i can feel pain

[malachite222]

what did you do to me? i’m not quite exactly sure because i disassociate every fucking time i see you.

[malachite222]

i looked death in the face

and said this will be the only way to separate us

now death looks me in the face

and laughs at how wrong i was

[malachite222]

don’t know how to be.

it doesn’t get better

and it definitely doesn’t get easier.

and i can’t keep lying to myself

saying i’m gonna change.

i am poison.

i came from poison

i breathe poison

i have poison in my veins.

and this poison destroys everything it touches.

i have no one to loose

and nothing to live for

i definitely have nothing to show of my life

and all i’ve lived

excepts for these scars covering my body

and i have no one in my life

that’s better off having known me

[malachite222]

i want to tell you about my love, but i can’t call him that anymore.

i want to tell you that he has escaped further and further into the abyss of my mind

yet it was only a few months ago his arms held me while we slept the day away.

it was only a few months ago when every time i spoke, i spoke of him.

he would appear in my mind after ever memory created, in every dream i had. but now he is dissolving into dust

is this love?

how could i possibly call this love when i watched it burn to ashes in front of my own eyes.

i want to speak to you, but what could i possibly have to say?

our love slipped through our fingers, faster than i ever expected.

our love will soon vanish.

a love that consumed my life has met its death.

it’s final death where i no longer can feel it is coming up soon.

you know what, maybe i’m the one giving up this time.

once we were happy, completely blissful in our own ignorance

that soon we would destroy each other.

how will i ever find you again